Archive of Our Own

If there’s one thing Evan Buckley knows how to do, it’s make matters worse. 

From getting kicked out of college after modding his motorbike within an inch of its life to accidentally unleashing a herd of amped-up alpacas on the patrons of a Peruvian bar (and subsequently getting fired and feeling like he had to flee the entire country before living it down as a result), he has a long-standing history of making less-than-wise decisions. 

However, this isn’t one of them. 

As Buck stands in the waiting room of Wilshire Hospital, entirely unsure of how he ended up in this mess, he reflects on the choices that lead him there. But this time, he isn’t the one who should be taking the blame. That’s all Taylor fucking Kelly. 

__

Buck and Taylor’s relationship had been one for the history books. That is, it should be studied so humankind can learn from their mistakes. Its decline wasn’t for lack of love or passion – there was plenty of that to go around, believe Buck’s ever-suffering neighbours – but what they wanted and needed from each other was just too different to make it work. 

Instead of waiting it out and growing bitter and resentful, they made a clean break but agreed to remain friends. Some might even say best friends. (Having just one friend each surely makes you best friends by default.) 

Being single suited them both. Without the 6’2” angel on one of her shoulders, Taylor’s ambition continued to grow. (What was no longer Buck’s concern couldn’t hurt him.) Her successful stint in local news lead to a not-ungenerous book deal, which led to a surprisingly successful podcast, Taylor Kelly Talks. Its success became even more surprising when a streaming service boss reached out and offered her a series deal, which is currently in development. 

For Buck, singledom meant he finally had the time to figure out what he wanted. And time was an important factor, considering it had been a full year since he and Taylor broke things off and he still had no damn idea. 

He’d spent the last 12 months floundering, spending his nights bartending at Ye Olde Bar, an English-style pub in downtown LA with an extremely un-English-style menu, and his days trying out random educational courses and picking up weird hobbies that he got way too invested in for short periods before dropping them and moving onto the next. 

So far, the best thing he did manage to get out of what he likes to think of as his ‘gap year’ was the knowledge that he’s actually pretty into guys too. The discovery was kind of life changing and explained so much about himself. But even though he was thrilled to uncover a previously dormant part of himself, the experience was tinged with sadness when he realised that the only people he really had to talk to about it were Taylor herself, and his sister Maddie over long-distance phone call. 

Which brought Buck to his next two realisations: he was lonely, and he didn’t want to be. 

— 

A few months post-break-up, Buck’s inner circle (is it an ‘inner circle’ if the circle doesn’t have an outer?) expanded very slightly when Taylor started dating Lucy Donato. 

Lucy Donato was a firefighter and a badass, and actually slept with Buck first, funnily enough. After meeting at Ye Olde Bar one warm spring night, some good vibes lead to Lucy kicking Buck’s ass at pool, which lead to them making out messy-style in the gender-neutral restrooms before splitting an Uber back to Buck’s loft. Much fun was had by bother parties, and Lucy even ended up staying for a cooked breakfast under the mutual condition that they never do this again. 

Buck enjoyed a feeling of warmth from both the restaurant-quality eggs florentine in his stomach (thank you, French Cooking 101) and the prospect of potentially finding a new friend. However, it was promptly interrupted by a knock at his door. He barely had time to jump out of the way before a blur of red hair and manic energy tumbled into his apartment. 

‘Good morning to you too, Taylor,’ he said sarcastically. 

‘It’s always a pleasure to see me, Buckley,’ she smirked. ‘Huge news, I just–’ She paused after noticing the stunning blonde dreamboat sitting at the kitchen counter. 

‘Oh, I didn’t realise you had company,’ Taylor said, in what could only be described as a ‘bedroom voice’. 

‘Um, yeah,’ said Buck. ‘This is Lucy. Lucy, ah…’

‘Donato,’ Lucy supplied in a very similar voice, holding out her hand to Taylor. 

‘Yeah, that,’ said Buck, looking between the two. Huh.

‘Pleasure,’ said Taylor, taking the hand hovering between them. 

‘And you’re Taylor Kelly, I listen to your podcast,’ Lucy continued. And then she winked. 

In their almost 12-months together, Buck had very rarely seen Taylor lost of words. Interesting. 

Buck cleared his throat, cutting the tension. 

‘I met Lucy at work last night, she’s fantastic at pool,’ he said. ‘She’s also a firefighter and an Aries, if I remember correctly?’ 

‘I am indeed,’ said Lucy. ‘Bold, loyal and passionate.’ She didn’t wink this time, but she might as well have for how Taylor short circuited. The redhead finally turned back to Buck. 

‘So this rendezvous… is this, uh, a new thing that’s happening, Buckley?’ 

‘One night stand,’ said Lucy. ‘It’s all good, we’ve talked about it, and I’m still very much single.’

‘That’s probably for the best,’ said Taylor, tucking her hair behind her ear. ‘A Cancer and an Aries? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.’ 

Buck would have told them to get a room, if it weren’t for the fact that they were all in his apartment. Instead, breakfast turned into coffee, which turned into take-out, and Buck very much doubted either women noticed him getting ready for his next shift. 

Returning to the loft at 2AM, he made as much noise as possible, clumsily kicking his shoes off and throwing down his bag to announce himself, just in case he was about to walk in on something he really didn’t want to walk in on.

Instead, he found the loft silent and empty, and he chuckled to himself as he read the post-it with a hastily scrawled note on it that was stuck to his fridge: 

I owe you one, Buckley. 

Don’t wait up xoxo 

___

Buck was happy for Taylor, he swears. Any lingering romantic feelings he might have harboured for her previously had been replaces by platonic bestie ones. But whenever Taylor was round at the loft for one of their regular wine-whine sessions (during which they would drink wine and complain about the topic of the week) and the thread of conversation would turn to how wonderfully happy she was with Lucy, Buck’s brain would tell him to smile through the hollow feeling in his chest. 

He loved love, and he loved that his best friend had found it for herself, but it was just another thing that made him feel as if he was being left behind. As spring turned to summer and then, inevitably, fall, he felt more and more lost, distracting himself with more short-lived hobbies and well-meaning hook-ups that ended up going nowhere. 

Thankfully, Taylor still frequented his loft as often as ever, occasionally with Lucy in tow, but the two women also spent a lot of time in the solace of one of their apartments: Taylor’s star was on the rise, and she had made the decision very early on not to publicly come out before her show had even started post-production. 

‘I still don’t see why you can’t just be an out-and-proud bi in media, babe,’ Lucy slurred for the millionth time during one of her special appearances at wine-whine night. 

‘You know why, Luce,’ Taylor huffed. ‘I can’t risk alienating half the audience before they even know who I am!’ 

‘If they can’t accept you for you then is that even the kind of audience you want?’ 

Taylor tipped back the rest of her glass of Sauvignon Blanc. 

‘The news is supposed to be impartial! I’m not going over this again!’

‘I think we need some more chips,’ Buck cut in quickly. ‘Anyone want anything from the kitchen?’ 

Despite insisting they were done with the topic, Taylor and Lucy continued their spat while Buck ducked out and poured himself a shot of his good tequila. He was not nearly drunk enough for this. He considered shooing his guests out the door and calling it a night. 

But then he’d be alone again, so he started whipping up a fresh batch of guac instead. 

Privately, he agreed with Lucy on the whole to-come-out-or-not-to-come-out debate. How could he not? But he wasn’t about to back her up in front of Taylor, not if he didn’t want to experience the famous Kelly Cold Shoulder. 

By the time he returned to his uncomfortable couch, the tension had thankfully dissipated, and conversation had turned to whether Glinda the Good Witch was a lesbian or not. Taylor and Lucy agreed back and forth for a good twenty minutes while Buck demolished a whole bowl of guac with a spoon. 

––

As the warmth of fall in LA turned to a slightly milder winter, the lonely feeling he’d had through the rest of the year morphed into something more oppressive. He was haunted by disgustingly happy couples and woefully loving families doing happy-couple and loving-family things. 

He tried embracing the holiday season, really he did. He even took up ice skating, for fuck’s sake. But that new hobby was as short lived as the rest of them when, 1) he found out that he sucked at it, and 2) he realised that no one hangs out at ice rinks looking to meet people. 

Instead, he volunteered for more shifts at the bar so he wouldn’t have to spend more time than necessary alone in his depressingly-decorated flat, watching bad Christmas films and convincing Maddie that he’s enjoying his life even though he hasn’t quite found his purpose yet. 

On the few occasions that Taylor was actually free to grace him with her presence, it was usually at Ye Olde Bar, where she’d keep him company on quieter nights with her laptop on the counter between them. 

When Taylor tumbled into the bar at 10.37 PM two weeks before Christmas, he could immediately tell that she was drunk. He’d seen her drunk before of course, and he actually really liked drunk Taylor. Weirdly, the loss of inhibitions made her warm-hearted and less guarded. He loved Taylor whichever way she was, but it was always nice to hear how great he was even if she did have a drink in her hand. 

What he wasn’t expecting to see, however, was that Lucy was with her. Taylor was looking adoringly at her but, even drunk, she kept space between them. You never know when nosy paparazzi are looking to out semi-famous bisexual podcasters instead of spending the holidays with their families, Buck thought to himself. 

‘Buckley!’ Taylor shouted across the bar when she spotted her best friend. 

‘Taylor!’ Buck shouted back with a smile. ‘And Lucy! Didn’t expect to see you here!’ 

Taylor beamed at him as they both strutted up to the bar. 

‘Buckarooooo,’ Lucy half-sang. ‘Always a pleasure.’ 

‘Buckley,’ Taylor said. ‘What the fuck is that horrifying abomination that welcomed us in?’ She gestured to Ye Olde Bar’s entrance, where an almost-six-foot statue with horns and hair everywhere, and terrifying red eyes that stared straight into your soul. 

‘It’s Krampus!’ Lucy almost shouted. Buck smiled, thrilled that she knew what it was. He knew he liked Lucy. 

‘But what is it doing here ?’ asked Taylor in mock outrage. 

‘Krampus is English, it’s an English pub!’ 

‘Krampus isn’t English,’ Buck cut in. ‘He’s actually a figure from Germanic folklore.’ 

‘Oh?’ said Lucy, glancing at Taylor with a smirk. ‘Do tell us more.’ 

Buck could usually tell when he was being humoured, but he appreciated the opportunity to infodump. 

‘Well, he’s basically this half-goat, half-demon Christmas devil thing that comes out to punish naughty children. He carries, like, chains and whips and stuff and then puts the children in a big sack to take them to the underworld.’

‘That sounds terrifying,’ said Taylor, sipping on the hot toddy Buck just placed in front of her.

‘Oh, it is.’ Buck slid a beer down the beer into Lucy’s waiting hand. ‘So what are you guys doing for Christmas this year?’

‘Well, I’ve got some time before promo for the show starts, so we’re going to be spending most of it just hanging out and being all cosy at Lucy’s,’ Taylor said. 

Buck smiled in spite of the cold feeling in the pit of his stomach that appeared at the thought of his own Christmas day plans: beers, chips and catching up on 90-Day Finacé. 

‘Cosy, indeed,’ purred Lucy. ‘She’s been on Santa’s naughty list all year, would hate to stop now.’ 

‘ Oh my god, stop, I beg,’ Buck grimaced. 

‘Well, actually,’ said Taylor, turning back to Buck. ‘We’ll be keeping things totally PG-13, because we were actually hoping you’d come and join us for Christmas dinner?’ Despite her liquor-clouded eyes, she looked a little bashful, like she was expecting him to turn the offer down.  

Buck could have cried. 

‘Oh my god, are you kidding me?’ he said excitedly and without pause. ‘I would love to!’

‘Okay, cool,’ said Taylor, looking away. ‘Cool, cool, cool.’

Buck couldn’t help but feel fond. 

‘It’ll be, like, a real family Christmas, or whatever,’ said Taylor. 

‘Or whatever,’ Buck agreed. Taylor poked her tongue out at him, making him laugh. Family Christmas. 

‘Anyway,’ Lucy cut in after a few moments of warm silence. ‘We better let you work, and I’ve been dying to show Taylor my pool skills.’

‘Oop,’ said Buck. ‘You better watch out, Kelly, that woman is lethal with a cue.’ 

‘We’ll see about that,’ joked Taylor, stumbling a little as she not-so-gracefully dismounted her bar stool. ‘Keep the drinks coming, Buckley, mama’s getting merry tonight!’

‘I think mama’s already merry,’ Buck said, more to himself. And then to Taylor: ‘You wanna open a tab?’ 

‘Um, did Barbara Walters receive a Lifetime Achievement Award from the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences?’ 

Buck and Lucy just blinked at her. 

‘Yes!’ Taylor clarified. ‘The answer is “fuck, yes!” And you’ll come and hang out when the bar gets a little quieter?’ 

‘Does Krampus have one human foot and one cloven hoof?’ asked Buck. 

‘Ew,’ said Taylor.

‘He better!’ Lucy shouted back as the two of them swaggered away to place their quarters on the pool table. 

The bar did not, in fact, get a little quieter. But Buck still enjoyed Taylor and Lucy’s semi-company, as they shouted one-liners across the bar at him every now and then, mixed in with their next orders, which got progressively more slurred as the night went on. 

By almost midnight they were still hanging around the pool table surrounded by their empty glasses, which once harboured two Moscow mules, two pornstar martinis, two Long Island ice teas and three shots of tequila, one of which had been Buck’s. The discarded lime wedges and spilled salt made a mess of the table. 

The respectable distance between Taylor and Lucy had also narrowed dramatically the more alcohol they – or specifically Taylor – consumed. Buck doubted she would have had her arms slung around Lucy’s waist that often in public had she not cleaned out half the bar. But that was none of his business; he didn’t want to be a buzzkill, and it was actually kind of nice seeing Taylor let loose and have some fun after a busy year.

As with all good things, the fun was fleeting. 

It all happened very quickly. 

One second, Lucy was pretending to make out with the Krampus by the door with Taylor giggling while snapping pics of the deranged couple on her phone. The next, Krampus was crashing down on top of her and people were yelling in horror. 

‘OH MY GOD!’ someone shrieked. 

‘It’s eating here!’ screamed another drunk bar-goer. 

‘Fuck!’ shouted Taylor, who was white as a sheet. ‘Lucy! Fuck! Fuck!’ 

Buck stood dead still for one… two… three seconds as he took in the scene. And then, suddenly, his legs were vaulting over the bar and rushing to the Lucy-Krampus pile by the door. 

‘Stand back, everyone, get outta the way please,’ he said, holding people back with his arms. 

He slung the dishrag he was still holding over his shoulder and got to work, single-handedly lifting the Christmas demon off his friend and pushing it aside. 

Okay. Blood. That’s a lot of blood. 

‘Lucy?’ he said firmly. ‘Lucy, can you hear me?’ 

She looked at him, her eyes glazed over, before mumbling something that sounded like, ‘ waffledoodle cramplepamp,’ and closing them. 

‘Someone call 9-1-1!’ he shouted. 

Taylor, who had been stood in total shock until then, suddenly pulled out her phone and started doing just that. 

Buck had always reckoned he’d be pretty good in a crisis, and now he finally had proof. 

Sure, the Krampus was fake, but those horns were sharper than they looked: as the hairy beast had toppled down from its podium, one of them had stabbed Lucy through the thigh.

From the blood that was currently pumping out of the puncture wound, Buck deduced that lifting Krampus off of her might have actually made it worse. But then again, the thing had to weigh nearly 300lb, so she might have also stopped breathing if he hadn’t. You win some, you lose some, he figured. 

‘Someone grab me a clean cloth, or a shirt or something,’ he said authoritatively in the crowd of onlookers’ general direction. 

Vaguely recalling something he’d seen on TV during one of his many nights at home alone, he whipped off his belt and started wrapping it around Lucy’s thigh just above the wound, buckling it as tight as it would go. 

One of the other bar staff put a clean apron in his hand, which he folded before pressing it hard onto the wound. 

‘How’s that ambulance coming, Taylor?’ he asked over his shoulder. 

‘They’re– they’re a few minutes out,’ gasped Taylor, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Buck turned his attention back to Lucy. 

‘Lucy?’ he said calmly. ‘Lucy, can you hear me? It’s Buck. I’m gonna need you to try and stay awake. Can you do that for me?’ 

Lucy made some more unintelligible noises, and Taylor crouched on the floor next to her.

‘Baby?’ she whispered. ‘It’s me, it’s Taylor. Can you hear me?’

‘Is she breathing?’ Buck asked. 

Taylor gently placed her index and middle finger between Lucy’s nose and top lip. 

‘Yeah,’ she said quietly. ‘Breathing. But I think she hit her head when she fell.’ 

Two more minutes passed with Buck’s hands putting pressure on Lucy’s leg, and Taylor’s tenderly stroking her hair before a team of firefighters swooped in and started clearing the area. A couple of paramedics kneeled down beside Lucy and began assessing her injuries. 

They made fast work of it. It wasn’t long before they’d taken statements from Buck and a few other bargoers who’d seen what had happened, and then Lucy was on a gurney and being loaded onto an ambulance. One of the firefighters hung back to thank Buck and Taylor for their work. 

‘You might have saved her life,’ she said. 

‘Where are you taking her?’ asked Taylor quickly, who had so far been silent since the first responders arrived.

‘They’re heading to Wilshire.’

‘Thanks so much,’ said Buck, before turning back to Taylor. ‘You grab your coat and Lucy’s bag, I’ll grab my keys, and we’ll meet her at the hospital.’ 

She nodded and they were both in Buck’s truck and pulling out of the parking lot within the minute, Buck quickly shouting his plans to his co-workers through the window. 

‘The ambulance said 147,’ said Buck once they were on the highway. ‘Is that Lucy’s firehouse?’ 

‘No, she’s 118.’ 

There was a pause. 

‘She’s gonna be okay, Tay. Okay?’ 

‘I couldn’t do anything, Buck,’ Taylor said. She’d stopped crying but her voice was utterly dejected. ‘I just stood there.’

‘Taylor, hey, listen to me,’ Buck cooed. ‘There’s nothing you could have done. I mean, you put away half Ye Olde Bar’s stock between you, it’s probably best that you didn’t do anything.’ He reached for her hand and squeezed it softly to show he was messing with her. 

Taylor smiled wetly. ‘I guess you’re right.’

‘Who else would get impaled by a giant Krampus after beating pretty much the whole bar at pool? That’s such a Lucy move.’ 

‘You know, she once fell off the roof of a two-storey building on Christmas Eve and didn’t have a scratch on her,’ said Taylor, smiling a bit more genuinely know. ‘You know why?’

‘Why?’ said Buck, taking the bait. 

‘She happened to land on a giant inflatable Santa.’

Buck laughed out loud. ‘No!’ 

‘Yes!’ said Taylor. She sighed. ‘I really love her, Buckley.’

‘I know, Taylor, I know.’ 

They sat in silence for the rest of the drive, Buck holding her hand in support over the centre console. 

‘Okay,’ said Buck once they’d found a parking spot. ‘We’re going to go in there together and find out how she’s doing. If it’s good, great. If it’s not that good, I’m gonna be here with you the whole time. Okay?’

‘Okay,’ whispered Taylor. 

‘Family?’

‘Family.’

As they walked through the parking lot, they spotted a local news van parked near the ambulance bay, a red-faced man in a cheap suit pacing in front of it, barking down a cellphone. Buck’s eyes pricked when he heard a name he knew. 

‘Donato!’ the man said. ‘No, Donato… D-O-N-A-T-O… Yeah, do me a favour and find her station… I don’t fucking know, google it?… Yeah, tomorrow….’ 

‘Just keep walking,’ Buck hissed in Taylor’s ear as they entered Wilshire’s reception. 

‘Are they here for Lucy?’ asked Taylor. ‘Why?’ 

‘C’mon, a firefighter impaled by Krampus? That’s pretty good local news the week before Christmas.’ 

It was then that Taylor went into full panic mode, which would have been unnoticeable to most but Buck knew her like the back of his hand. ‘Buck, they can’t see me here…’ 

‘Don’t worry, they didn’t followed us in.’ 

‘Okay, it’s gonna be fine,’ Taylor said, mostly to herself. ‘It’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fine.’

Buck marched up to the reception desk. 

‘Hi!’ said Buck to the extremely handsome man behind the counter. ‘We’re here to see someone that I think was just admitted. Lucy Donato?’

‘I can only give information out to family, hun. Are you her family?’ 

‘Uh, well…’ Buck hesitated. 

‘He’s her fiancé!’ Taylor squeaked. 

What the fuck, Taylor?!

Buck turned to Taylor and they had a furious but silent five-second conversation involving a lot of wild eyes and furrowed eyebrows. 

Buck turned back to Handsome Receptionist. 

‘Um, yes,’ he said. ‘I’m her… fiancé.’ 

‘Okay great,’ he beamed at them, and started tapping on the computer in front of him. ‘It looks like she’s still in surgery but if you can sign in we’ll let you know as soon as she’s out. Just put your name on the screen over there and then feel free to hang out in the waiting area for as long as you need.’ 

‘Okay, great!’ Buck grimaced, feeling slightly out of his mind. 

—

‘It’ll be fine!’ Taylor said. ‘It’s just a white lie, we can go in there, make sure Lucy is okay, and no one will be any the wiser!’

Buck stood up to stretch his legs. And ideally get the feeling back in his ass. They’d been sat on the plastic hospital chairs for almost seven hours, taking breaks only to take it in turns to pee or run to the vending machine, or check if the local news van had gone. (It had. They’d apparently got bored and given up by 2AM.) 

‘You seem like you’ve processed things,’ said Buck. 

‘We’ll, I’ve sobered up now,’ Taylor replied. ‘No one knows us, and with some luck, Lucy will be in and out in a couple of days. I promise, it’ll be fine!’ 

‘It better be. You’re lucky I’m famously an idiot and would do anything you asked me to.’ 

‘And you’re lucky I’m a genius.’ 

‘An evil genius.’ 

Taylor swotted him on the arm in response. 

‘Hey, do you have a Lucy Donato here?’ said a voice from the reception desk. 

Taylor and Buck froze. 

‘Who the hell is that?’ whispered Buck. 

‘Shit.’ Panic-mode Taylor was about to make a reappearance. ‘Shit, shit, fuck, shit! That’s Ravi Panikkar!’ 

‘Who the hell is Ravi Panikkar?’ 

‘That’s Lucy’s work bestie, he works with her at the 118!’

‘I thought you hadn’t met her colleagues?’

‘I haven’t, I recognise him from photos!’

Buck narrowed his eyes. ‘I’m going to make an educated guess and say he doesn’t know about you?’ 

Taylor ran her hands through her hair in near-hysteria. ‘No one knows about us, how many more times, Buckley? He obviously knows she’s with someone, but he doesn’t know who. Shit! If he’s here, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the 118 descend!’ 

‘What the fuck kind of fire house is this?’ muttered Buck. 

‘Evan Buckley, do you trust me?’ asked Taylor, completely sincerely. 

‘I mean… of course,’ he replied. 

‘Please, I beg you: follow my lead, and I’ll get you into my members-only gym.’

‘Hey, you already said you were gonna get me into there.’ 

‘Buck! Please?’

‘Okay, fine,’ Buck sighed, his hands palms-out in front of him. ‘But you need to get a grip. And you have to do all the talking.’

Buck and Taylor just about had time to discreetly shake on it before Ravit turned away from the sign-in screen. 

‘Her fiancé is right over there, you can wait with them if you like,’ said Handsome Receptionist with a smile. Ravi strided towards them. 

‘Hey, I’m Ravi, Lucy’s work partner,’ he said, holding out his hand between them, as if he wasn’t sure which hand he should be shaking.

Of course, Buck thought. Lucy’s practically been out as bi since she exited the womb. 

‘Uh, hey, I’m Evan Buckley, people call me Buck,’ he said, firmly taking the hand. ‘Uh, Lucy’s fiancé.’ He really had to sell it. 

Ravi looked at Taylor expectantly. 

‘Oh right, yes,’ said Taylor. ‘I’m Taylor, Lucy and Buck’s… friend.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ Ravi said with a smile, but his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. He’d definitely recognised her, but it was impossible to tell if he knew from where. 

Ravi seemed to suddenly remember where he was and who he was speaking to. ‘But not under these circumstances, of course,’ he added with a frown. 

‘Of course,’ said Buck. ‘But she’s tough, she’s gonna pull through.’

‘She will.’ Ravi gave a small smile again. ‘Have you heard anything from the doctors yet?’

‘No,’ said Buck. ‘But, um, it shouldn’t be long now, surely. You’re welcome to sit with us while you wait?’ Buck gestured vaguely to the plastic chairs, wanting nothing less than to sit with Ravi Panikkar while pretending to be his work bestie’s lover. 

‘Sure, that’ll be great.’ The three of them took their seats, Buck in the middle. 

‘I had no idea Lucy was engaged,’ Ravi said after a beat. ‘That dark horse! I mean, I knew she was seeing someone but she was always so mysterious about it.’ 

Taylor made an unnatural noise. 

‘It’s pretty new actually,’ she squeaked. ‘They just got engaged last night.’ 

Taylor, what the actual fuck ? 

‘You mean, right before the, um, whatever it was, fell on her?’ asked Ravi with interest. 

‘The Krampus,’ said Buck through gritted teeth. 

‘Well, not right before,’ said Taylor, ignoring Buck. ‘But last night at the bar.’ 

‘Congratulations!’ said Ravi, before his face fell. ‘Oh god, and now she’s in the hospital, that’s so sad!’ 

Buck made a strangled noise that thankfully could have been mistaken for small sob, but it seemed to go unnoticed.

‘When Lucy wouldn’t even show me pics of who she was dating, I was so sure it was going to be an uggo with a “nice personality”,’ Ravi rambled. ‘But you’re, like, an eleven!’

Buck raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

‘I mean, that’s not to say you don’t have a nice personality!’ Ravi backtracked. Damn, he seemed more nervous than Buck. ‘Not that I would know, I don’t know you yet! You might be awful. But! You’re probably not!’

Buck liked this guy already. 

Ravi dabbed at his brow with his sleeve. ‘Shit, is it warm in here or is it just me?’ he asked. 

‘Oh thank god!’ he half-choked as he glanced out of the window. ‘Looks like everyone else just arrived… I’m just gonna—” And he jumped from his chair and darted out to the parking lot. 

Buck finally turned to Taylor and let out a breath he had been very aware he was holding. 

‘Everyone else?’ he asked, panic setting in again.

‘The rest of the 118, I’m presuming,’ said Taylor. 

‘Taylor, I can’t do this. I’m a terrible liar.’

‘Yes, you can! You’re doing great! Let’s just get through today and then we never have to see them again.’

‘You mean, we never have to see them again until they’re all invited to your future wedding and they realise their beloved coworker is marrying the random semi-famous newscaster that was comforting her “fiancé” at the hospital?’

‘It’ll be fine, trust me,’ said Taylor, with a tone that told him she absolutely did not believe it at all. 

They didn’t have time to argue the point further as Ravi reemerged through the automatic doors with a whole-ass group behind him. 

‘Taylor, Buck, this is the team,’ announced Ravi, gesturing to all of them at once. ‘Team, this is Taylor and Buck, Lucy’s friend and…’ He paused for what only Buck could presume was supposed to be dramatic effect. ‘ Fiancé.’ 

‘Oh my god, Taylor Kelly!’ the shortest man of the group said, stepping forward. ‘I listen to your podcast and used to see you on the morning news!’ 

‘Oh, uh,’ said Taylor uselessly. ‘Nice to meet you?’ 

‘I’m Chim,’ said the man, ‘Short for Chimney, don’t ask. I’m Lucy’s favourite co-worker.’ 

‘You shut your whore mouth,’ Ravi said indignantly. ‘I’m Lucy’s favourite and you all know it.’ He turned to the rest of the group. ‘And is no one going to mention that Lucy is engaged and her actual fiancé is standing right here ?’ 

‘Eh, she’s a woman of mystery, it’s none of our business,’ Chimney said. 

‘Until now,’ said the third and final man, stepping forward. ‘Bobby Nash, Lucy’s firecaptain. Pleasure to meet you, son.’ He held his hand out for Buck to shake, and then Taylor. ‘Anybody close to Lucy is a friend of the 118,’ he said to both of them with a slight smile.

Despite only being connected to these people by virtue of being unable to say no to Taylor, Bobby’s comment made Buck feel kind of warm and fuzzy inside. 

‘Um, don’t say ‘son’, Cap, Buck’s non-binary,’ Ravi said in a sort of stage-whisper. 

Buck was confused. 

‘Uh, no I’m not?’ he said. 

‘Oh, god, sorry,’ said Ravi. ‘I just presumed.’ As if that cleared things up. 

For the first time since the bar, Taylor smirked, her eyes lighting up in amusement. ‘Presumed how? We literally met you 15 minutes ago,’ she asked, relishing the moment.

‘Well,’ Ravi explained, ‘Lucy obviously told me she was dating someone, and she keeps the details kinda limited to when I bully her for information. But on the odd occasion where she does divulge something, she always uses gender neutral pronouns.’ He blushed. 

Buck couldn’t fault the logic. 

‘Um, no. I’m a man,’ he said, as kindly as he could. ‘He and him pronouns are fine. It’s all good though!’ 

The brief and awkward silence that followed broke when Chimney and the woman standing behind him suddenly burst out laughing. ‘Okay, that’s kinda of hilarious,’ the woman. She turned to Buck and Taylor. ‘Hey, guys, I’m Hen. I’m Chim’s partner.’ 

‘Partner?’ Buck asked, accidentally narrowing his eyes. There’s no way in hell that woman wasn’t a whole-ass lesbian. 

‘In crime, and in firefighting,’ Chimney clarified. ‘But mostly in crime.’ 

‘Anyway,’ said Hen, ‘what’s Lucy’s prognosis? Has anyone heard from the doctors yet?’ 

‘Not yet,’ said Taylor without missing a beat. Her brow furrowed again. 

Before they could started imagining worst case scenarios, a serious-looking woman in blue scrubs and a festive surgical hat rounded the corner, a clipboard in her arms. 

‘Speak of the Christmas devil,’ said Chimney. 

‘Jesus, Chim!’ gasped Hen. ‘Too soon!’ 

‘Sorry.’ 

‘Thank you for waiting, I’m Dr Pullman, Lucy’s doctor,’ Dr Pullman said. ‘You’re all Lucy’s family?’ 

‘Close enough,’ said Ravi. 

‘But this is her finacé,’ added Bobby. 

Taylor not-so-discreetly kicked Buck in the ankle when he made no move to respond. 

‘ Yargh, um, I mean, yeah, that’s me. I’m Lucy’s, uh, fiancé. Buck,’ he said, tears pricking his eyes slightly. Damn, did Taylor actually have Krampus’ cloven hoof in her pumps? 

‘Great! Well, good news, she made it out of surgery and she did great,’ the doctor said. ‘She’s set up in a private room.’ 

Buck could literally feel his hair move as the five people around him let out a breath. 

‘Her leg will take a while to heal so I reckon she’ll be out of action for a month at the very least. But it was a pretty straight-forward surgery. It looks like your guys got to the scene quickly’ – she nodded at Bobby – ‘as she’d lost very little blood, which we like to see.’ 

‘That was all Buck,’ Taylor cut in, smiling at him with glassy eyes. ‘He lifted the Krampus off her and stopped the bleeding with his belt and a dish towel.’  

‘It was an apron,’ he said automatically, shrugging. 

‘No kidding,’ said Bobby, impressed. ‘Have you ever thought of becoming a firefighter, Buck? I reckon you’d make a good one.’ 

Buck suddenly felt bashful. 

‘Uh, not really,’ he replied, that warm and fuzzy feeling returning to his stomach. He turned back to Dr Pullman. 

‘So when can we see Lucy?’ 

‘There was something else: the surgery went well but her notes said she also took a nasty blow to the head, so we’re going to monitor her closely for the next 48 hours. She’s still unconscious and will be for a while, but one or two of you can go up now if you want to. She’s in room 95.’ 

The group had a very quick discussion about who should be the two to go and visit her first, which ended in Buck and Taylor being practically yeeted down the corridor by the rest of them. 

‘Thank fuck for that,’ said Taylor as they powerwalked to Room 95 together. ‘Lucy’s going to be okay, we never have to see those people again, it’s all fine!’ 

‘They seemed pretty nice,’ said Buck. ‘Although, weirdly chill for people who rushed to the hospital to check on their friend in surgery…’ 

‘That’s firefighters for you. I promise you Lucy getting stabbed by Krampus is not the weirdest thing to happen to someone on that team this year.’ 

‘Okay, so what are we gonna do now?’ 

‘We’re going to go in there and check on Lucy. Then we’re going to go back to the waiting room, say thanks and goodbye, and then we’re going to haul ass the fuck out of here. I’ll come back when the coast is clear.’ 

‘Okay, fine.’ 

Taylor gasped softly as they entered Lucy’s room. Buck supposed she had also forgotten that ‘the surgery went well’ didn’t mean that she wasn’t going to be covered in bandages or look extremely like she’d had a near-death experience. 

Taylor walked over to her bedside and took her hand. 

‘Baby, you’re okay,’ she whispered, rubbing the back of Lucy’s hand with her thumb. She stayed like that for a good ten minutes, Buck trying to give her a little bit of privacy but still being a supportive friend by folding himself up in the tiny chair in the corner of the room. 

He finally stood up when Taylor made a move to leave. But before he could say a word to her, she ran at him and wrapped her tiny arms around his very not-tiny body. 

‘Thank you,’ she said, the words muffled in his jacket. ‘Thank you for saving her. Thank you for getting us in here. Just… thank you.’ 

He suddenly forgot all the stress it took to get there. ‘Of course, Taylor,’ he said tenderly, freeing one of his arms to pat her on the head. ‘We’re family.’ 

Taylor finally set him free and took a step back. 

‘Could you do just one more tiny thing for me please?’

‘Anything.’ 

‘Could you go distract the firefighters for 10 minutes so I can take a sec with Lucy alone?’ 

‘I’m on it.’ After one last quick hug he was out the door. 

––

‘Here he is!’ said Ravi as Buck approached the group. ‘How’s she holding up?’

‘She’s pretty banged up, but she’s okay,’ Buck said with a smile, meanwhile his brain was yelling: CAUSE A DISTRACTION. CAUSE A DISTRACTION. 

But before he could think of a single thing to say, Chimney piped up with: ‘So hey, we were all talking and you could totally come around Cap’s with us this afternoon. Lucy’s going to be out for a while yet, you’re probably worried out of your mind, and we were gonna have a little get-together anyway. A bit of food, some drinks….’ 

How was he going to get out of this? Think, Buckley, think. 

‘Uhh,’ he said meekly. ‘That’s, er, that’s very kind of you but really not necessary.’

‘Not to be pushy but Cap’s gonna be cooking and his food is always incredible,’ offered Hen. 

‘We could all take shifts coming to sit with Lucy,’ said Bobby. ‘And honestly, it would be great to get to know you better, Buck. You’re part of the 118 family now, after all.’

Damn. That hit him right in his squishiest spots. Bobby, Chimney, Hen and Ravi all looked at him, waiting for his answer with their eyes bright and smiles hopeful. 

He really couldn’t say no, could he? 

‘Okay, sure, why not,’ he said, trying to conceal the fact that he was stressed about the entire situation. 

‘Wonderful,’ said Bobby. ‘Head over around two if you’re free. Ravi, send him the address.’

‘Already airdropped!’ said Ravi, putting his phone back in his pocket. ‘This is gonna be great! And you haven’t even met Eddie yet, he’s gonna be there too when he’s sorted childcare!’

‘And Karen and Athena, the whole gang,’ supplied Hen. 

Suddenly they were saying their goodbyes, with quick hugs and slaps on shoulders. And then they were gone. 

And that’s how Buck finds himself standing alone in the hospital, lamenting that fact that he now has to pretend to be his ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend’s financé for god knows how long. 

He’s going to kill Taylor.

—

At 1:59 PM, Buck is sat in his truck outside Bobby’s house, psyching himself up to go in. 

At 2:08 PM, he’s still there. 

Despite Taylor spending the rest of the morning prepping Buck for the get-together, going over basic Lucy lore that had somehow never come up in conversation (there had even been flashcards), Buck had returned to the conclusion that this whole thing was a terrible idea. 

The 118 seemed to have bought it for now, but where would it all end? 

Would they stage an elaborate break-up, several months from now so Buck didn’t look like a dick for abandoning his fiancée while she recovered from her brush with death? Would they stay fake-engaged, and pretend Buck happened to be busy for every other 118 get-together until the end of time? Or, god forbid, would he and Lucy actually have to stage a wedding and get Taylor to take a load of pictures as they pretend to cut a cake as a bride and groom? 

Although… these people wouldn’t expect to attend the wedding, would they? They do seem to be quite up in each other’s business. How much would a fake even wedding cost? He wouldn’t mind having a honeymoon… Are Buck and Lucy the kind of friends who would vacation together, or would they want to kill each other by day three? 

He’s definitely spiralling.

Buck takes a deep breath before climbing out of the truck and tentatively walking up to the front door. When he knocks, he barely has time to drop his arm back down when the door is flung open, and another stranger – this one, an absolutely stunning middle-aged woman – greets him. 

‘You must be Buck!’ she says, (rather alarmingly) pulling him into a hug. ‘I’ve heard so much about you already!’ The woman releases him, but grabs both his hands instead. Honestly, it would be kind of nice if he weren’t already tense as hell. 

‘But no one told me you were this handsome! Lucy’s a lucky girl!’ 

Buck feels his cheeks warm up. 

‘Oh! Thank you, uh…’ 

‘Athena Grant-Nash,’ she says. ‘I’m Bobby’s wife.’

‘Lovely to meet you,’ Buck says, kind of awkwardly. 

‘Baby, you must have been out of your mind with worry,’ she continues. ‘I swear, for a team of firefighters this lot’s lives get more dangerous when they’re off the clock!’ She laughs. ‘But Bobby tells me Lucy’s gonna be just fine.’ 

‘Yeah, it’s looking good for her,’ Buck says. ‘Um, is Bobby here?’ 

‘Of course, he’s just putting out a spread in the kitchen. Come on through, Buck. A few of the others have arrived already too.’ 

When they get to the kitchen, Bobby also greets him with another handshake, but this time he holds Buck’s elbow while he does it. The action is unusually familiar, but not in a bad way. 

Jesus, Buck really is affection-starved. 

‘Buck! I’m so glad you could make it,’ he says, sounding genuinely happy to see him. 

‘Me too, thanks so much for the invite, Bobby.’ 

‘Of course – what did I say? You’re one of us now. You like Italian food?’ 

‘Oh, who doesn’t?’ says Buck with a grin. 

‘Great!’ Bobby walks to the dining room table where dishes upon dishes of the most delicious-looking food is laid out, and starts giving him a tour of the menu. 

‘I’ve gone for some antipasto today. Here we’ve got a little Caprese salad to start, then this is fritto misto with a nice Calabrian chile aïoli – do you eat seafood, Buck?’ 

‘I love seafood.’ 

‘Wonderful. This here is a simple bruschetta – I didn’t have time to do the bread from scratch, unfortunately, but it’s fresh from the bakery today – and this one is a new recipe I’m trying, fried zucchini blossoms with prosciutto and some mozzarella. And then I’ve still got a few more to bring out, but help yourself whenever you’re ready.’ 

‘Wow, Bobby, this actually looks incredible,’ says Buck, a little bit in awe of this random man he met only a few hours ago. 

Bobby beams at him. 

‘Oh hey, here comes Eddie,’ he says, looking out onto the patio. Buck follows his gaze and spots Ravi and Hen walking towards the house with quite possibly the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in real life. 

‘Eddie!’ Bobby shouts to him. ‘Come here, there’s someone I want you to meet.’ 

And, oh god, the gorgeous man is coming over. 

‘Eddie, this is Buck. Buck, this is Eddie Diaz, one of our other firefighters at the 118.’ 

‘Hey, Buck, pleasure to meet you,’ says Eddie, in a voice just as gorgeous as his face. He too holds out a hand, and Buck quickly takes it. It’s unexpectedly bigger than his, and weirdly soft considering his line of work. 

Buck quickly drops his hand and clears his throat when he remembers he probably should say something back instead of staring into Eddie’s big brown eyes like a total idiot. He tries to think of something witty and original. 

‘Yeah, uh, you too.’ Nice one, Buckley, Taylor’s voice mocks him inside his head.  

Then Bobby excuses himself to head back to Athena in the kitchen, and Buck and Eddie are alone. 

‘So I heard you saved Lucy’s life.’ Eddie gets straight to the point. 

‘I don’t know about that,’ says Buck, feeling a little bashful again. 

‘Well, as far as I know, one of the guys at the 147 said you did a pretty great job of applying a make-shift tourniquet. He said Lucy probably would have bled out pretty quickly if you hadn’t been there.’

Buck reckons he ought to act at least a little distressed at the thought of his fiancée dying a bloody death, especially when put so bluntly by practically a stranger, but he’s too enamoured by the praise to care. 

‘How did you even know to do that?’ 

‘Oh, uh,’ says Buck, trying to think of something cooler to say than what’s about to slip out of his mouth. ‘I saw it on this TV show, Hotshots. It’s all I think to do at the time.’

‘You watch Hotshots ? My kid loves that show!’ 

This stunning man is a father? Buck could swoon. 

‘You have a kid?’ he asks instead. 

‘Yeah, Christopher. He’s ten and my entire life.’ 

Eddie reaches into his pocket for his phone, presumably to show Buck a picture of him. Could this man be any more adorable? 

‘This is him.’ Eddie shows him a photo of himself holding a boy with glasses and curly hair in a side-hug. 

‘Cute kid,’ says Buck honestly. 

‘Yeah, he’s even cuter in person. But he’s growing up on me fast. I am not ready to be the single dad of a teenager.’ 

‘Yeah, that’s rough,’ agrees Buck, a neon sign in his head flashing the word SINGLE. 

‘He lost his mom when he was eight, which was really tough on us both really... But enough about me!’ says Eddie abruptly, like he’s just caught himself trauma-dumping on a stranger and is embarrassed about it. 

‘Tell me about yourself! What do you do? Where do you live? I mean, not where do you live. Sorry, that kinda sounds like I’m a stalker, which I’m definitely not!’ he laughs, but there’s mild panic behind his eyes. 

Buck laughs. ‘I’m glad you’re not a stalker, although that sounds like something a stalker would say, not gonna lie.’ 

That seems to put Eddie at ease, as he flashes a dazzling smile at Buck. 

Oh shit, is he supposed to live with Lucy? Where does she live again? Maybe they’re a more traditional couple, waiting for marriage to move in together. Would anyone even buy that?

He goes for vague. 

‘I live in LA but I’m originally from Pennsylvania, and I’m currently a bartender.’

‘Currently?’ asks Eddie. 

Buck suddenly feels very shy and awkward. 

‘I’m sort of in the process of trying to, like, find my purpose or whatever, but I’m bartending to pay my bills right now, until, you know, until I find it.’ 

Eddie looks him in the eye, weighing him up. 

‘That’s awesome,’ he says finally, and Buck’s pleased he sounds very sincere. ‘I hope you do find it.’ 

Buck ducks his head away from Eddie’s gaze and feels himself blushing. ‘Thanks. Me too.’ 

At that, the door goes again, and a few more people join the gathering, including Chimney, who had apparently been doing his shift with Lucy at the hospital. 

Buck takes the opportunity to shoot Taylor a sneaky text. 

Buck

the coast is clear, ur good to go :)

Taylor

Thanks Buckley x 

Taylor 

Let me know if anyone leaves and don’t blow your cover 🔪

Buck

I wouldn’t dare 

Buck grins at his phone and rejoins the party. 

__

So it turns out that Lucy’s colleagues rock. 

Buck can’t remember the last time he had this much fun with people, and he keeps forgetting he’s supposed to be worried about his hospitalised fiancée. 

At first he thought it was weird that no one seemed that fussed that one of their own is unconscious in a hospital bed right now, but, as Chimney put it, it’s not like she’s in a coma. It also turns out that a lot of these people have been in comas, which is also mildly concerning but Buck decides it’s none of his business. 

The 118 plus Athena, Hen’s wife Karen, who showed up a couple of hours ago with a lot of Aperol, and Athena and Bobby’s kids Harry and May, have fun filling Buck in on what he’s ‘missed’. 

They’re recovering from absolutely pissing themselves laughing at Buck’s reaction to a particularly gory story involving Chimney and a piece of rebar when Eddie gets up from his chair on the patio where they’re all sitting with various drinks and the remnants of Bobby’s antipasto.

Eddie seems to have had at least one eye on Buck for most of the afternoon, which has made him feel strangely vulnerable. (Buck has only noticed this because he’s had at least one eye on Eddie too.) 

He panics briefly that perhaps Eddie has somehow figured out the facade and is going to expose him to the whole gang. However, all thoughts leave his head when Eddie stops at Buck, bends down next to him, and says: ‘Hey bartender, you wanna fix me a drink?’ 

Buck has never stood up faster. 

‘So what do you fancy?’ Buck asks Eddie once they’re in the kitchen together. 

Eddie leans against the counter in what Buck presumes is supposed to be a casual way, but the pose just gives him an incredible silhouette. Is this single father firefighter also a model?

‘I think the better question is: what do we have the ingredients for?’ he asks. 

‘You make a good point,’ Buck says, assessing the sad collection of random spirits and mixers in front of him, which includes half a bottle of Karen’s Aperol, almost a full bottle of rum (thank you, Ravi), a whole lot of soda water and a variety of juices (orange, grapefruit and, for some reason, beetroot). 

‘An Aperol spritz, minus the Prosecco?’ asks Buck. 

Eddie pulls a face. 

‘Okay, that’s a no on the Aperol.’ 

‘And the grapefruit juice is out, it’ll just mess with my… uh, my medication.’ 

At that, Buck looks up. 

‘Antidepressant twinsies?’ he says, testing the waters and holding up his hand tentatively for a high five. 

And Eddie laughs, thank god. 

‘Antidepressant twinsies,’ he says, reciprocating the high-five. Instead of dropping his hand immediately like a normal person probably would, he wraps his fingers around Buck’s palm and sort of shakes it for a second before letting go. It’s kind of adorable, and a tiny bit hot. 

Eddie looks at their bounty of drinks before shaking his head. ‘The beetroot juice is out too, because that’s just foul.’ 

Buck laughs this time and starts opening cupboards. ‘Wow, Bobby’s got a lot of spices,’ he says. 

‘Well, he is a foodie. We’re all convinced he was a Michelin-starred chef in a past life.’

‘I’d believe it,’ says Buck. ‘Okay, how about this…’ He grabs a selection of spice jars before rooting around in the fridge. ‘If I can just find… ah! Got it!’

He sets out cartons of cream, milk and eggs, a bag of sugar, cinnamon sticks, cloves, nutmeg and some vanilla extract. 

Eddie looks confused. ‘You’re gonna bake a cake?’ 

‘No, I’m not gonna bake a cake,’ says Buck, amused. ‘We’re gonna make Eggnog!’ 

‘Eggnog?’ 

‘Eggnog!’ 

‘Eggnog,’ Eddie agrees. 

Someone outside yells, ‘Eggnog!’ back to them. 

‘’Tis the season,’ says Buck, getting to work.

—

Twenty minutes later, they’re back on the patio setting down mugs, the biggest pitcher of eggnog any of them has ever seen in their life, and the bottle of rum so people can spike their own drinks if they want to. 

They all sit in warm silence briefly as they take their first sips. 

‘Damn, that’s a good eggnog,’ says Hen. The group mutters their agreement, and Buck smiles at the compliment. 

‘Buck should become a firefighter, join the 118 and then make us fancy drinks while we’re on shift,’ says Chimney. ‘Hey Cap, can we get a bar for the station?’ 

‘We absolutely cannot,’ says Bobby, straight-faced. 

‘So Buck,’ says Athena, turning to him. ‘How did you and Lucy meet?’ 

Shit, he forgot about that.

‘Oh, you know… just the usual way.’ 

Nailed it. 

‘And that is?’ asks Hen. 

Buck starts sweating under his shirt. 

‘Uh, the apps,’ he says. Goddamnit, why did he lie? They literally met at the bar, which is a perfectly normal thing to do.

‘Oh god, I don’t know how people do that nowadays, meeting people online,’ says Eddie. 

‘Oh, I thought you were giving Tinder a go?’ says Ravi. 

‘I mean, I tried it but it’s always so awkward. I never know what to say, and you can’t really get a vibe from people through a screen. And it doesn’t help that I hate texting, it always feels like such a chore.’

‘Maybe you’re just texting the wrong people,’ says Karen, with a look on her face that Buck can’t interpret. 

‘Well, either way, when did people stop meeting people the old fashioned way, like talking to people at bars?’ says Eddie earnestly. 

‘Oh please,’ says Chimney in jest. ‘When have you ever spoken to anyone at a bar, Diaz?’ 

Eddie is even more cute when he’s squirming. 

‘So was it love at first sight with Lucy?’ Eddie asks, changing the subject, and Buck is back to panicking, trying to think of something — anything — to say. 

‘Uhhh, I don’t know if I’d say that as such,’ he starts, but he’s saved by the bell as his phone dings from inside his pocket with an incoming text alert.

‘Sorry, I better, erm…’ he says, pulling out his phone. 

It’s from Taylor. 

Taylor

Lucy’s awake

‘Oh my god!’ he says. ‘It’s the hospital, Lucy’s awake!’ 

A round of fantastic s and great news follow. 

‘The hospital text you?’ asks May, suspiciously. 

‘Er, it’s a new thing they do,’ says Buck through his teeth. 

‘I guess you’ll need to be heading out then, Buck,’ says Athena, looking genuinely sad that he’s leaving. 

‘Oh, um, yes, I better go and see her,’ he says reluctantly. 

‘I’ll give you a lift to the hospital,’ says Bobby, standing up. 

‘Oh, thank you but that’s really not necessary.’ Saved by the bell his ass. 

‘It’s not a problem,’ Bobby insists. ‘You’ve had too many drinks to drive, and you’ll have trouble getting an Uber at this time.’

Buck seriously doubts that.

‘I’ll come with you guys,’ says Ravi enthusiastically. ‘I’ll pop in and say hi too.’ 

Buck can see no way of getting out of any of this. 

‘Well, okay, great, thank you,’ he says, plastering what he’s certain is the fakest smile anyone’s ever seen. ‘I’m sure Lucy will be thrilled to see you both.’

He quickly texts Taylor back. 

Buck

that’s great!!!! 

omw

Buck

fyi bobby and ravi coming with 

💀💀💀💀💀

— 

The drive back to the hospital is the most excruciating of his life. 

Bobby and Ravi make pleasant conversation, and Buck adds a ‘hmm’ and ‘yeah’ every now and then while feeling like he’s going to pass out. 

There’s only one way this can end: with the 118 finding out that Buck and Lucy aren’t in fact romantically involved (they’re a level two on the friendship scale at best), and that Buck is a weird weirdo who lied about being engaged to an unconscious woman to infiltrate their team and, by extension, their families. 

Sure, he lied to help Taylor, but they’re not going to see it that way. 

Goodbye, new potential friend group. Goodbye, hot single-dad-firefighter-model. Hello, lonely Christmas Buck. 

He continues spiralling as they walk across the parking lot and through the hospital, all the way up to Lucy’s ward, until he spots what appears to be Taylor Kelly hiding behind a potted plant. It would be funny if he wasn’t so damn anxious. Thankfully, Bobby and Ravi are too engaged in conversation to notice. 

They stop when they reach Lucy’s room, and stand back for Buck to enter first. He holds his breath as he opens the door. 

‘Uh, Lucy?’ he asks cautiously. 

‘Ahh, finally! My gorgeous fiancé has decided to bless me with his presence,’ Lucy announces. Buck just stands there with his mouth hanging open. 

‘I don’t know if you’ve heard but I got stabbed by Krampus, so I can’t come running into your arms, sadly.’ 

‘Oh!’ says Buck, cottoning on. ‘Right, yeah.’ He crosses the room and bends down to give her a hug. 

While her arms are around his neck, she whispers right into his ear: ‘Tay explained. I’m playing along.’ Buck feels tension he was carrying disappear from his shoulders. ‘For now,’ she adds. Well. Most of the tension. 

‘How are you feeling?’ he asks once she releases him. 

‘Like shit, but I’ll live,’ she says with a smile, looking over Buck’s shoulder. 

‘And you’ve brought my other best guys with you!’ she grins at Ravi and Bobby, who are both still waiting by the door. ‘Get in here, right now!’ 

‘Luce!’ says Ravi with glee. ‘You look like shit!’ She really does look like shit, but she’s got that same old Lucy sparkle in her eye. 

‘So do you, and you’ve not even had major surgery,’ she says, pulling him in for a hug. 

‘Lucy, glad to see you awake and smiling,’ says Bobby fondly. 

Lucy starts telling them her version of events about the Krampus attack (or what she can remember at least) and Buck quickly excuses himself from the room. 

He stands next to the plant in the corridor. ‘Taylor? You can come out now.’ 

‘Oh, hi, Buckley,’ she says meekly, as if she hadn’t just been caught hiding behind a plant. 

‘So, you spoke to Lucy?’ 

Taylor sighs. 

‘I’m sorry. I was going to come clean about, well, everything really. But I’m just not ready.’ Her eyes well up a little. 

‘Hey, Taylor, it’s okay,’ he says, pulling her into a hug.

‘I feel terrible asking you and Lucy to lie. She was really nice about it though. Thank god she’s not an over-sharer at work, right?’ She laughs feebly. ‘I’m going to fix this. I’m going to figure this out.’ 

‘We’ll figure it out together.’ 

She just nods as she lets one of the tears that has been threatening to fall for a while run down her cheek. He gives her a moment while she shakes it all off and re-composes herself. When he turns back to her, she’s plastered her signature smirk back on. 

‘So how was Bobby’s?’ she asks. ‘Give me all the details.’ 

Buck thinks how best to describe the day he just had. ‘It was actually… really, really nice,’ he settles on. 

Taylor looks surprised. ‘Really?’ 

‘Yeah,’ says Buck. ‘The 118, they’re just… really nice.’ 

‘Is that all you’ve got? Nice?’

‘Shut up,’ he laughs. ‘But honestly, I can’t really describe it. They just felt like my kind of people, you know? Does that even make sense?’ 

‘It does,’ Taylor says, an unreadable expression on her face. 

‘Hey, you know some of them, right? Or know of them, even?’ 

‘I guess so, how come?’

Buck feels his own cheeks heating up before he’s even asked the question. ‘What do you know about Eddie Diaz?’ 

Taylor raises an eyebrow. ‘Diaz? Why do you want to know about him?’

‘Ah, it’s nothing,’ he backpedals. ‘I mean, like, I was getting a sort of… vibe from him, you know? Like, d’you know if he’s an ell gee bee tee quoi? I kinda feel like he was flirting with me?’ 

Taylor looks stunned. ‘Um, he better not be flirting with you considering he thinks you’re currently engaged to Lucy.’ 

‘Oh yeah, I forgot that part.’ Buck suddenly feels cold. ‘Actually, forget I said anything. He was probably just being nice. New to the group and all that.’ 

Taylor gives him a sad sort of look. ‘Yeah, probably,’ she says, though she doesn’t sound convinced. She puts her hand on his bicep in a comforting gesture. ‘Just be careful, Buckley, okay?’ 

The fact of the matter is, even if Eddie had been flirting with him all afternoon, which he almost certainly wasn’t, the basis of Buck’s new relationship to the 118 is built on a lie. He needs to go back to being Lucy’s anonymous love interest until they could casually ‘break up’, and Buck would become just a tiny blimp in the lives of these kind and fascinating people. He’d be the ex that made them that really delicious eggnog that one time. 

He knows it all needs to stop because there’s nowhere it could possibly go. 

-- 

Somewhere he definitely didn’t expect it to go is to the grocery store he just happens to call at after collecting his truck from outside Bobby’s house the next day. He’s in the fresh produce section, trying to decide between curly kale and cavolo nero, when a solid human figure walks straight into him. 

‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry,’ says a familiar voice. And then: ‘Buck!’ 

It’s Eddie fucking Diaz himself. 

‘Oh wow,’ Buck says, genuinely stunned at the coincidence. Although, if he’s really honest with himself, it also feels a bit like fate. ‘What are you doing here?’ 

‘I’ll give you one guess,’ teases Eddie, gesturing at his shopping cart. 

‘Oh, ha, duh!’ Buck says. Pull it together, Buckley, he thinks, you sound like a fucking idiot. 

‘I almost forgot! How’s Lucy doing? I bet you were glad to see her awake and yapping.’ 

Oh yeah. There’s that whole thing. 

‘She’s good, she’s doing really well. They think she’s got a mild concussion from the knock on the head but nothing more sinister than that, fortunately.’ (Taylor texted him an update from the hospital not ten minutes ago.) 

Eddie seems genuinely relieved to hear it. ‘Oh, thank god,’ he says. ‘That’s great news.’ 

‘Yeah, she’ll be up and at it again in no time.’ 

They both grin at each other. Then Eddie appears to have some kind of internal struggle. 

‘Hey, can I ask you something?’ He looks like he’s still deciding whether to actually ask whatever it is or not before going right ahead and blurting it out. ‘Have we met before?’ 

Not what Buck was expecting. 

‘Um, I don’t think so? What do you mean?’ 

Eddie runs his hand through his hair in a way that is simultaneously manic and extremely attractive. 

‘Okay, this is going to sound so weird, but when we were at Bobby’s yesterday I kept getting a feeling like I knew you already but I couldn’t put my finger on where from. I thought maybe we’d gone to school together in different grades or something as I don’t really know that many people in LA outside of work, but it can’t be that since you said you grew up in Pennsylvania.’ 

Buck is actually kind of touched that Eddie remembers where he’s from. 

‘But then I thought maybe we’d met on a call. Have you called 9-1-1 at any point over the three-ish years?’ 

‘We definitely haven’t met before,’ says Buck. ‘I would have remembered.’ 

Eddie’s eyes go large at that. ‘Well, in that case,’ he starts, ‘it was great talking to you yesterday. We should get together again, it would be good to get to know you more.’ 

Buck knows spending more time with this beautiful man would be an extremely terrible idea, but something stronger than him compels him to say it. ‘I’m working every night until Christmas eve now, but you could swing by the bar and hang out? It’s Ye Olde Bar downtown.’ 

‘Oh!’ Eddie looks surprised. ‘I, um, I actually meant the whole gang…’ 

Shit. Of course he meant the whole gang. 

‘But you know what? I would actually love that. Christopher’s staying at his Tia Pepa’s tomorrow night, I could swing by then?’ 

Buck feels his pulse quicken. What is he, a freakin’ teenager? 

‘Yeah, great, absolutely. It’s a date!’ he says, and then swiftly kicks himself at the wording. 

–– 

Buck would be lying if he said he didn’t spend the first half of his shift the next day watching the door. He knows he’s acting like a high schooler with an embarrassing, giant-ass crush on the hot tight end, but he can’t help himself. 

He keeps reminding himself it’s not going to go anywhere (for a number of reasons), but if it’s a crime to appreciate his ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend’s gorgeous colleague’s face while he’s feeling extremely single before the holidays, then lock him up, your honour, and throw away the key. 

His brain might be telling him it’s all completely casual – he’s just being friendly with the 118 until Lucy announces the engagement’s off (and, hey, maybe he’ll get to keep a few of them in the break-up). But his brain doesn’t matter as far as his heart is concerned; when Eddie Diaz finally walks through the door of Ye Olde Bar just a little after 7, it almost beats out of his chest. 

He’s unable to keep a huge smile off his face as Eddie squints around the bar in a really adorable way, spots Buck behind the counter, offers a huge smile back, and makes his way towards one of the empty barstools. There was a small part of Buck that wasn’t actually expecting Eddie to show. But here he is, in an extremely flattering button-down and with dimples deeper than Laurel Canyon. 

‘Firefighter Diaz!’ Buck flips a dishtowel over his shoulder and leans against the back counter behind him, in what he hopes is a cool and casual way. 

‘Hey, Buck,’ Eddie smiles. ‘You know, I’ve passed this place so many times but never been in.’ 

‘And? First impression?’

‘My first impression is that you need to get rid of that thing immediately,’ Eddie says, pointing to the Krampus that’s still on display next to the entrance. 

‘Hey, he’s nailed down now!’ Buck gasps, mock-outraged. ‘He’s up to code!’ 

‘Well, he’s awful.’ 

‘He can’t help that he’s a Christmas devil, cut a guy some slack.’ 

‘Well, he ain’t winning any holiday pageants, that’s for sure.’ 

Buck chuckles. 

‘So what can I get you?’ 

‘Surprise me,’ Eddie replies. ‘You still owe me a cocktail that doesn’t contain the same ingredients as a cake.’ 

‘Okay, you more of a bitter guy or a sweet and spicy guy?’ Buck asks, raising an eyebrow. 

‘Let’s go sweet and spicy.’ 

‘Okay, one sweet, spicy surprise, coming right up,’ he says, throwing in a totally platonic wink for good measure and getting another of Eddie’s dazzling grins in return. 

He tries to get a grip of himself as he grabs the good gin, some ginger beer, some lemon juice and a wedge of lime. He gets to work, filling a Collins glass with ice and periodically glancing over at Eddie, who looks perfectly happy just sitting there and taking in the rest of the bar. 

Buck places the cocktail on top of a paper coaster in front of Eddie. ‘This is called…’ he adds the wedge of lime with a flourish, ‘... a Buck.’ 

Eddie stares at him. 

‘It is not,’ he says.

‘It is! It’s a Gin Buck, it’s a real thing. I swear on my life!’ 

‘Okay, if you say so.’ 

‘The name actually comes from another drink, a Horse’s Neck, which is usually just ginger ale and lemon juice. Some guy added whiskey to it in the Prohibition era to give it a kick, and the Horse’s Neck became a bucking horse, and voila, a Buck.’ 

‘That’s fully unhinged, how do you even know that?’ says Eddie, exasperated. 

‘I’m a professional, I know my stuff,’ says Buck. ‘And I read a lot of Wikipedia entries. Also, I used gin for yours, not whiskey, so technically it’s a British Buck. You’re getting the authentic English pub experience here, you gotta be more grateful, Diaz.’ 

‘Ohhh, I wondered what the theme was supposed to be,’ Eddie says. ‘The Christmas devil was throwing me off.’ 

He takes a sip of the drink. 

‘So how’s your Buck?’ asks Buck. 

‘My Buck is indeed both sweet and spicy.’ 

‘Did I pass?’ 

Eddie laughs. ‘You passed.’ 

They continue talking between Buck mixing drinks for the bar’s other patrons, and he knows he’s playing with fire – pun fully intended – but Eddie’s just so damn easy to talk to. Eddie switches to beers after finishing his Buck (which Buck insists is on the house), and suddenly three hours have passed. 

They chat about everything, from sports (Eddie loves watching baseball but playing basketball) to movies (Eddie likes to act like he’s a film snob but he’s also secretly a huge Tom Cruise fan) to their families (Eddie insists he doesn’t really like talking about his weird family dynamics, but then goes off on a 20-minute TED Talk filling Buck in on three generations of his family free). Buck pulls his weight on the conversation front as always, but honestly he’d be happy just listening to Eddie yap uninterrupted for days. This man is fascinating. 

‘So how do you know Taylor Kelly?’ he asks out of nowhere while Buck is wiping down the counter. 

Buck feels himself panic again. 

‘Chimney mentioned she was with you at the hospital when Lucy was in surgery.’ 

‘Oh!’ says Buck with relief. He really needs to keep track of all these storylines, the lie is getting too complex. ‘We used to date.’

‘Really?’ asks Eddie, looking a little amazed. ‘And what, now you’re just friends?’ 

‘Yeah, she’s actually my best friend.’ 

‘Wow, that’s actually kinda nice. Was she the last woman you dated before Lucy?’ He takes another swig of the beer he’s currently nursing. 

Buck decides to keep as close to the truth as possible for the sake of his own sanity. 

‘Yeah, she was. I mean, there were a few men in between, too, but none of them really worked out.’ 

Eddie is suddenly coughing and spluttering, yanking his hand up to his mouth to avoid spraying Buck with beer. Interesting. 

‘God, sorry about that,’ he says, his face crimson. He reaches for a napkin to wipe up the mess. ‘Went down the wrong way.’ 

‘I’m sure,’ mutters Buck, waiting for the plot to develop. Is Eddie flustered or just homophobic? 

‘So… so you date men too?’ he says once he’s recovered, his eyes flitting up and making contact with Buck’s for approximately one whole second. 

‘Yeah, I’m bisexual.’

Eddie looks up properly at this, his face completely unreadable. 

‘Sorry, I thought that was obvious?’ says Buck, more as a question than a statement. I mean, I’ve been flirting with you since we met, he thinks. ‘I’ve been told before that I exude bi energy.’ 

Eddie appears to shake himself off internally, as if he’s just realised that Buck told him he was bi and he literally spat in his face. 

‘That’s… that’s cool,’ he says finally. ‘Thank you for, you know, trusting me enough to share that with me, and everything.’ His tone is completely earnest, like he’s recalling steps he learnt from a ‘How to React When Someone Comes Out to You’ pamphlet. 

Eddie maintains the eye contact, waiting for Buck to respond. He decides to put him out of his misery. 

‘It’s all good, man,’ he says with a reassuring smile. ‘It’s not like I just came out to you. It’s just a fact, you know? Like if I told you I wear size 11 shoes.’ 

Eddie is smiling back, but he still looks like he’s going to burst. His eyes are also kind of wild but that’s probably the booze. 

‘I feel like you want to ask questions,’ Buck relents. ‘Ask away, I’m an open book.’ 

‘Oh, no, I don’t want to intrude,’ he says shyly. ‘We don’t know each other that well yet…’ 

‘Are you serious? You just told me about your entire family history and a handful of childhood traumas. I think we’re past the acquaintance stage of our relationship.’ 

‘Fine,’ says Eddie, ‘Okay.’ He seems to attempt to collect himself. ‘So what I am wondering is, like, how did you know? Like know-know?’ 

‘That I was bisexual?’ 

‘That you were into guys.’ 

Buck raises his eyebrows. Okay, so this is where we’re going with this. 

He considers the question, wanting to give it a good answer. 

‘Well, on some level I think I’ve always known, but kind of repressed it, I guess? I mean, I fully realised when I kissed a random hot guy at a bar after Taylor and I broke up, but I’ve had crushes on guys my whole life. I just didn’t know they were crushes. Even in school, I’d have male buddies and think we were just really good friends, but I’d, like, be thinking about them constantly, and get weirdly possessive when they’d get girlfriends. I guess I always felt like something was a bit different – things would get way too intense way too fast sometimes when I made a new friend, and then they’d move onto someone else and I’d be left fully devastated – but I never really knew why until I actually kissed a guy. Then it just all sort of clicked into place. Does that make sense?’ 

Eddie has been hanging onto Buck’s every word.

‘Yeah,’ he says finally. ‘Yeah, I guess it does.’ 

His face falls ever so slightly. Buck wouldn’t have even noticed if he wasn’t so obsessed with Eddie’s face. 

‘Anyway,’ Buck says, trying to break the tension. ‘As I say, I’m an open book so just ask whatever, whenever. I honestly don’t mind.’

Eddie smiles at that, but his usually shiny eyes are empty.  

After that, the bar starts to pick up with the regular slew of people stopping by after the restaurant dinner rush. Buck has just served a particularly rowdy amateur football team a round of Jägerbombs when he sees Eddie dismounting from his barstool and starting to put on his coat. Buck goes over to investigate. 

‘Listen, Buck, I’m gonna head out,’ Eddie says. ‘I’ve got a shift tomorrow, so want to try and catch an early-ish night.’

‘Sure, yeah, whatever you gotta do,’ says Buck, trying to hide his disappointment. 

‘This was fun though. I’ll catch you around, yeah?’ 

‘Yeah, take care, man.’ 

‘You too,’ says Eddie, ‘give my love to Lucy,’ and then he’s out of there like someone yelled ‘fire’. 

__

The next day, Buck is carrying around some misplaced anxiety so he channels it into cleaning his apartment from top to bottom. The way Eddie practically ran out of the bar after Buck’s intense bisexual awakening monologue has left him feeling like he’d perhaps done something wrong. He just doesn’t know what. 

He’s scrubbing the interior of his oven within an inch of its life when his phone dings with a text from an unknown number. He wrestles off his rubber gloves and unlocks his phone to read the messages. 

(351) 555-4520

Thanks for last night, sorry I had to rush out! 

(351) 555-4520

I got your number from Lucy, hope that’s okay 🙂 

(351) 555-4520

This is Eddie by the way.

Buck smiles at his phone screen, some of his anxiety quickly leaving his chest. He saves Eddie’s number, and sits down at his dining table to text back. 

Buck

eddie who?

Eddie Diaz 🔥

You’re an ass. 

Buck

😇

Buck

how’s your shift going?

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Like this… 

[IMAGE ATTACHED]

When the image loads, Buck actually laughs out loud. It’s a photo of Chimney, Hen and Ravi around a table in what Buck can only assume is the firehouse, considering they’re all dressed in LAFD uniforms. A board game is set up on the table between them, with bits of paper and little plastic squares all around it. 

The tableau is quite majestic: Hen has her head in her hands, Ravi is grabbing at the pieces of paper while looking very pleased with himself, and Chimney is halfway to standing in his chair, his face exasperated and his arms open wide like he’s ready to flip the board. 

Buck

omg that’s actually hilarious

Eddie Diaz 🔥

That’s Monopoly at the 118. 

Buck

who’s winning?

Eddie Diaz 🔥

That would be Ravi, he wins EVERY TIME. 

Buck

u not playing?

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Oh I was, Ravi bankrupt me so I’m sulking. 

Buck

I bet ur a sore loser 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

I really am. 

Buck

don’t worry, I suck at monopoly too 

We can be sore losers together 

🥰

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Thank you, how very gallant. 

Buck

i’m a hero, didn’t u hear? 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Ha ha ha. 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Lucy hates Monopoly. 

You probably know that already I guess. 

But you might not know that she storms off basically every time we play. 

Buck

that’s so on brand for her tbh

Eddie Diaz 🔥

She’s not here to sulk with me so I came to text you instead. 

😀

Buck is vaguely embarrassed that this makes him melt a little. Stupid hot single dad firefighter model who’s also adorably bad at boardgames. 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

So how is your day going, British Buck? 

Buck 

😂

I give it a 4/10 

just doing a load of chores before my shift tonight 

how’s ur shift?

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Average, maybe 6/10? It’s pretty Q-word. 

Buck

q word?? 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

I can’t say it. 

He can’t mean what Buck thinks he means, can he? 

Buck 

…

queer? 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Oh my god Buck

No, not queer. 

Buck smirks to himself when he imagines Eddie’s reaction. 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Quiet, but we’re not supposed to say that word on shift. 

Bobby could fire me for just writing it… 

Everyone thinks it’s a jinx. 

Buck 

lmao 

and I take it you don’t??

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Of course not, I don’t believe in any of that stuff. 

Why, do you? 👀

Buck 

oh for sure

karma, juju, fate, all of it

especially fate

When he doesn’t receive a response, Buck really hopes his superstitious nature hasn’t given Eddie the ick. You know, if friends could even give each other the ick. Is friend-ick a thing that he should be worried about? He reluctantly puts down his phone to attempt to re-tackle the oven.

It’s not until he’s an hour into his shift at the bar that his phone dings again. 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Sorry, had a call! 

Buck

oh

my

god

EDDIE YOU JINXED IT 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

I absolutely did NOT jinx it. 

Have you people never heard of coincidence???

Buck

sure, whatever you say

jinxer

Buck

i’m glad you messaged back tho

ngl I was a tiny bit worried that my believing in jinxes put you off

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Don’t worry. You could never. 

Buck feels his heart beat faster of its own accord. He’s probably reading way too much into those two periods, but they’re staring into his soul as if Eddie himself was watching him through his phone screen. A comma or an emoji at the very least wouldn’t have gone amiss, but the periods make the admission feel heavier somehow. 

Buck nearly passes out reading Eddie’s next message.  

Eddie Diaz 🔥

I will confess that I did have an ulterior motive for messaging you though… 

Oh my god, it’s actually happening. 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

You’ve got a truck, right? 

Okay, false alarm. 

Buck

I do indeed, how come??

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Obviously please PLEASE say no if you don’t want to but Christopher and I wondered if you’d be free tomorrow to help us with an errand? 

It requires a truck by the way.

If that wasn’t clear.

Buck would probably do almost anything Eddie asked him to at this point, but he’s also extremely intrigued about what kind of kid this man has raised. He doesn’t even double check that he’s free before he responds. 

Buck

yeah, of course man

what’s the errand? 

Eddie Diaz 🔥

So don’t freak out, but I didn’t get round to buying a Christmas tree yet. 

Buck

what

eddie

EDDIE

christmas is in a matter of DAYS

DAYS EDDIE

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Trust me, I know 😩

Christopher won’t stop going on about it. 

Buck

as is his RIGHT

Eddie Diaz 🔥

I promised him a huge tree this year but my truck broke down and I haven’t had the capacity to get it all sorted. 

Hence the need for an emergency truck. 

Buck

and an emergency buck? 🥹

Eddie Diaz 🔥

Exactly. 

Buck

I gotchu

Eddie Diaz 🔥

You really ARE a hero! 

Seriously though, thank you so much x 

Buck’s eyes hone in on the ‘x’ at the end of the message. His new favourite letter. For the rest of his shift there’s a spring in his step that hasn’t been there for a long time. 

— 

When Buck pulls up to the fire house the next day, he’s greeted by none other than the fire captain himself. 

‘Buck!’ he says fondly as he walks up to where Buck’s parked and leans into the open passenger seat window. 

‘Bobby!’ Buck says back, genuinely pleased to see him. 

‘Eddie’s on his way down. He mentioned you were picking him up so I thought I’d come and say hi. Let me know if you’re ever swinging by again and I’ll give you a tour of the station.’ 

‘I would actually love that! You know, I’ve never been inside a fire house before. Are fire poles a real thing or is that just in the movies?’ 

Bobby chuckles a little at that. ‘Oh, they’re a real thing. I’ll even let you have a go on ours,’ he says. ‘As long as you’re wearing sensible footwear.’

‘Of course! I wanna tick that off my bucket list.’

Bobby seems pleased with Buck’s enthusiasm, which brings back the warm and fuzzy feeling he often seems to get around this man. Buck’s never really got on that well with his dad (or mom, for that matter), but if he could pick his family again he’d want a father like Bobby. 

His relationship with Lucy may be make-believe, but he genuinely loves the 118 already. He tries not to dwell on the fact that his place in their lives is temporary as he spots Eddie jogging up behind Bobby with a backpack slung over his shoulder. 

‘Just finished up, Cap, I’ve plastic-wrapped the mac and cheese leftovers,’ he says to Bobby. ‘The fridge is too full of Christmas stuff so I just left it on the side. That’s a problem for B shift.’ 

‘Thanks, Eddie,’ says Bobby, stepping back so Eddie can climb into the truck and fling his bag in the backseat. ‘You boys have fun.’ 

‘We will!’ Buck calls. 

Finally, Eddie is sat in the passenger seat with the door closed. 

‘Hi,’ he says. 

‘Hi,’ Buck says back. 

They just smile at each other for a few seconds before sitting in charged silence as Buck backs out of the station parking lot. He’s been alone with Eddie three glorious times now, and he still doesn’t know if he’s imagining the electricity between them or if it’s all in his ridiculous, crush-consumed head.

Buck’s eyes are on the road, but his cheeks heat up as he feels Eddie periodically eyeing him in his peripheral vision. 

Focus, Buck, focus. 

The tension shatters suddenly when Eddie clears his throat. 

‘Thanks so much for doing this, Buck, I really deeply appreciate it,’ he says finally. 

‘It’s unconstitutional to still not have a tree this far into December, someone needed to intervene,’ he smirks, glancing at the man beside him. He’s pleased to see that Eddie’s also smirking, that cute dimple on his cheek a mile deep. 

‘When do you put yours up then, Mr Krampus?’ 

‘I’m definitely a December 1st kind of guy. Fairy lights, cinnamon-scented candles, frosted windows, the whole shebang.’ 

‘Chris is going to love you,’ says Eddie. ‘If it were up to him, the house would be filled with tinsel and paper chains the day after Halloween.’ 

‘That’s cute.’ 

‘He got a little weird about the holidays after his mom died.’ Eddie keeps his eyes firmly on the road in front of him as he speaks. His tone is level but there’s a heavier quality to it that wasn’t there a moment ago. ‘He seems like he’s calmed down a bit this year but it was pretty hard on him for a while.’ 

‘That’s rough, I’m sorry, Eddie,’ Buck says, his voice low. He pauses before asking: ‘When did Christopher’s mom pass?’ 

‘It was when he was seven, so almost three years ago now.’

‘Seven, wow. That’s young.’ 

Eddie nods, and then doesn’t talk again for another minute. He looks like he’s trying to decide whether he’s said too much or not, so Buck breaks the silence to let him know he hasn’t. 

‘What was she like?’ he asks tentatively. 

Some of the tension Eddie was sitting with eases as he tells Buck about his late wife. 

‘Shannon, she was a great mom, Christopher loved her so much. She was smart, beautiful and really funny, and could light up any room she walked into.’ 

‘She sounds wonderful, Eddie.’ 

‘She was actually my first girlfriend.’ 

‘Wow, really?’ 

‘Yeah, we started out as friends though. We met when we were 17 and became really close. For a while I couldn’t tell if she wanted it to be more on not, but we eventually started dating a little, and then one thing led to another and she got pregnant.’ 

‘Oh damn, that escalated quickly.’ 

‘I was terrified. We both were. Of the future and of what our lives would look like with a kid in them, but mainly of my parents… you know, super Catholic, pretty conservative. My dad more or less implied that he’d cut me off if I didn’t do the right thing.’ 

‘The right thing?’ asks Buck. 

‘Marriage. Take care of the family. Provide for them… So Shannon and I had a tiny wedding and then I enlisted into the army and was deployed to Afghanistan in a matter of months.’ 

‘Jesus, Eddie.’ 

‘Yeah. I came back briefly for Chris’s birth but then he was diagnosed with CP – uh, cerebral palsy – and the medical bills started stacking up. I wanted to give him the best life possible, you know? I served for a few more years, but then came back for good after I got shot.’

Buck fully turns to look at him for a second. ‘You got shot?’ 

‘Yeah, it was pretty bad.’ 

‘Pretty bad,’ Buck repeats exasperated, mostly to himself. 

‘But honestly, in a weird way it kind of saved me. Being sent back meant I finally got to be a proper part of my son’s life. Man, I love that kid more than anything else on this earth. And then Shannon’s mom got cancer and she took off for a while. But it led me and Chris to LA. And this is gonna sound awful, but I got some practice in for being a single dad before becoming a widow.’ 

Buck was stunned. 

‘Eddie…’ is all he can manage in response. 

He hears Eddie sniff before physically shaking himself off in his seat. 

‘Oh my god, I don’t know why I told you all that. Sorry.’ 

‘Please, don’t be sorry. I’m happy to listen.’ 

‘You probably think I’m a complete freak now.’ 

‘I could never,’ Buck says in a small voice. He hesitantly holds out his hand over the gear shift in support, but Eddie quickly takes it. He lets Buck squeeze his hand for a few seconds before letting go. 

‘Well, thanks,’ says Eddie, sounding more at ease, if a little bashful. ‘I guess it’s easier to talk about stuff when you’re not looking someone in the eye, right?’ 

‘I can close my eyes all together if you want me to, but I can’t promise I won’t crash the truck,’ Buck jokes. 

‘Ass.’ 

‘You know, you’ve called me an ass twice in the last 24 hours, you’re going to give me a complex.’ 

Eddie just smiles softly.

‘Here it is, pull in here,’ he says excitedly as they approach an elementary school. ‘Chris should be waiting out front.’ 

Once Buck finds a spot to park, Eddie practically leaps out of the truck and runs up to the most adorable kid Buck has ever seen and collects him into a huge hug. If Buck had ovaries, they would have exploded for sure. 

The kid is maybe four-feet tall while leaning on his crutches, with curly light brown hair and glasses firmly fastened to his head with a thick red strap. Eddie chats with him as they walk back to the truck together, and then helps him climb the distance up to the backseat. 

‘Christopher, this is Buck,’ he says, grinning, ‘and Buck, this is Chrisopher.’ 

Buck turns in his seat. ‘Hey there, Christopher. Great to meet you!’ 

‘Hi,’ whispers Christopher, kind of shyly. Just like his dad, thinks Buck. 

‘A little birdie told me that the Diazes don’t have a Christmas tree yet, which is just about the saddest thing I ever heard,’ he says, as Eddie retakes his seat next to Buck in the front. ‘So we’d better go and get one, hadn’t we?’ 

Christopher’s eyes light up. ‘Hell yeah, let’s go!’ he coos. 

‘Strap in, we’re putting this thing in turbo mode!’ Buck does some sci-fi sound effects with his mouth, and it’s definitely worth it for the way Chris cackles. Damn, this kid is cute. 

The three of them chat back and forth about anything and everything Christmas-related – from their favourite festive snacks to the best gifts they ever got – all the way to the Christmas tree farm, which turns out to be a shabby outlet store parking lot filled with spruces. But the Christmas magic is very much alive and well when they take in the amazing scent of the trees. 

‘Okay, I missed this,’ says Eddie after a huge inhale. ‘I should have come and got us a tree last month.’ 

‘Oh my god, did you hear that, Chris?’ teases Buck. ‘You’ll have to remind your dad he said that next year when your house isn’t filled with candy canes and baubles a week before Christmas.’ 

But Chris is barely listening: big white blobs have started to fall from the sky.

‘Dad! Dad! It’s snowing!’ he squeals excitedly. 

Buck is doubtful (it famously doesn’t often snow in Los Angeles), so his eyes follow the source of the supposed snow from the ground to the sky, and back down to the ground again, where a rusty old snow machine sits. 

‘Um, Chris, that’s––’ he starts before Eddie cuts him off.

‘Wow, it sure is!’ He laughs along with Chris, widening his eyes over his head at Buck, clearly trying to make him take the hint. 

Buck joins in. ‘It’s a Christmas miracle!’ 

Chris continues to gasp and giggle as the three of them wind their way around the trees and attempt to find the best (but definitely not the biggest, insists Eddie) to take home with them. After almost 20 minutes exactly, Chris stops and announces they’ve completed their mission. 

‘This is the one,’ he exclaims. ‘It’s perfect.’ 

‘What the hell?’ says Eddie, quietly enough so that only Buck can hear. ‘That looks exactly like every other tree we’ve just pointed out.’ 

‘No, he’s right. That’s the one,’ Buck says. Privately, he agrees with Eddie that it’s identical to the more-than-one-hundred other trees they’ve just passed. 

With Christopher flashing a megawatt smile, they flag down an old woman in a Santa hat to assist them with their tree. She in turn flags down a man dressed in an elf costume to help them lug it to Buck’s truck. 

Eddie hands the woman some cash. 

‘Thank you, hun,’ she says with a huge smile. ‘All my change is back at the booth. Y’all wouldn’t mind meeting me over there, would you?’ 

‘Of course, no problem at all,’ says Eddie. 

‘Thanks, darlin’. Joe Jr here–’ she gestures to the elf man ‘– can help your husband with the tree.’ 

Buck, who suddenly feels like he’s been punched in the stomach, is ready to fall over himself to correct her, when Eddie replies with: ‘Great, thank you!’ His eyes dart to and way from Buck’s so quickly that Buck can reasonably pretend he hasn’t noticed. 

Despite the tree, which is a lot heavier and more awkward to carry than it looks actually, Buck feels like he’s floating all the way back to the truck. 

Once the tree is secured and they’ve thanked Joe Jr the Elf for his help, Eddie helps Chris into the back seat again and asks him to sit tight while they go and fetch the change. Then he nods his jerks towards the booth and starts walking, and Buck follows him without a word like the whipped loser he is. 

They get the change from the same nice old woman, who embarrassingly winks at them both as they turn to leave. 

‘Hey, I think I saw a short cut back to the truck round here,’ says Buck, wanting to get the hell out of this beautifully scented forest as soon as possible, before he loses his mind completely. 

The shortcut betrays him, however, when it turns out to run behind the snow machine and he almost falls on his ass. 

Up close, the snow machine is as old and shabby as the parking lot itself. The ‘snow’ may look pretty real and picturesque falling from the sky, but it’s also shooting out of the back end of the machine, straight onto the floor. It seems have to been running for hours, as whatever in god’s name the fake snow is made out of has accumulated in a huge mass of slippery grey goop. 

‘Whoa!’ shouts Eddie, sticking an arm out to steady Buck and stopping him from falling. But in doing so, he seems to have forgotten that he also stepped right into the goop too and almost slips himself. 

‘Eddie, Eddie, stop!’ Buck gasps. 

Eddie steadies, mostly thanks to Buck’s arm, which he’s just grabbed onto. The pair of them stand stock still, holding onto each other. They’re both silent for a moment before bursting into fits of giggles. 

‘Oh my god,’ Eddie wheezes. ‘What do we do? I can’t move or I’ll fall!’ 

‘You’ll fall? I’m the one that nearly ended up ass over tit!’ Buck has tears in his eyes. 

‘Here, maybe we can use each other to kind of… slide our way to the other side.’

Eddie somehow gets himself behind Buck and places a hand on each of his shoulders. 

‘Okay, now try and take a step?’ 

‘How do I know you’re not just going to push me over again,’ asks Buck jokingly. 

‘I guess you don’t,’ Eddie laughs. ‘You’re just gonna have to trust me.’ 

‘Not on my life, Diaz. I’ll end up on my knees.’ 

Eddie almost chokes at that, and the collapse into giggles all over again. 

It’s impossible. The more they move, the more they slip, until they’re taking it in turns lying on the floor. They’re quickly both covered in goop, which only makes them laugh harder. 

When he’s almost at the edge of the goop field, Buck turns to see how Eddie’s doing when the smaller man takes another tumble and goes barrelling into Buck, knocking the wind out of him as he tackles him to the floor. 

Buck stops breathing when he feels Eddie’s almost entire body pressed on top of him. They would have smashed faces if Eddie hadn’t stuck his arms out the catch himself. Instead, he’s got a hand palm-down on the floor on either side of Buck’s head. 

Eddie seems to have registered their somewhat compromising position on a delay: Buck is already melting into his big, brown eyes, which are locked onto Buck’s blue ones just a few inches away, when Eddie inhales sharply, and seems to hold it. 

They’re so, so close. 

Buck could count the freckles on Eddie’s rosy face. 

He could breathe in the breath Eddie’s holding. 

If he arched his neck up ever so slightly, their lips could touch. 

As slow as dripping treacle, Eddie leans down towards Buck, and for one glorious, heart-pumping second, Buck thinks he’s going to close the gap. 

But reality comes crashing down when Eddie clears his throat again and rolls off of Buck’s extremely warm body, and Buck remembers he’s supposed to be engaged to Eddie’s recovering friend. 

Again, it’s Eddie that breaks the silence. 

‘Don’t look now, but I think I ripped my pants.’ 

He seems a little embarrassed, but Buck doubts it’s because of the pants. 

Buck tries his best to sound light and airy, and like he hasn’t just possibly, maybe fallen in love with Eddie Diaz. 

‘I would take ripped pants over being covered in goop.’ 

Eddie smiles. ‘We should probably head back before my son gets kidnapped or something.’ 

‘Yeah, that would not be ideal.’ 

Buck and Eddie finally reach non-goopy ground while making absolutely no more physical contact.

When they climb back into Buck’s truck, they find Christopher fast asleep in the back. They make not-uncomfortable small talk in hushed voices before Buck pulls up in front of the Diazes’. 

Outside the truck, Eddie watches as his groggy son makes his way into the house, and then he turns back to Buck, the truck’s door between them. 

‘Thanks again for your help, I really appreciate it,’ he says like he means it. 

‘Any time,’ says Buck. I would do anything for you. ‘What are friends for?’ Please don’t hate me when this ends. 

Eddie turns up the corner of his mouth in what Buck is sure is supposed to be a smile, but it’s tinged with something sad. 

‘Goodnight, Buck.’ 

‘Night, Eddie.’ 

Eddie nods, starts walking up the drive towards the house. Buck watches until the front door closes behind him. 

‘Enough now,’ Buck says to himself, and then drives back to his empty apartment. 

__

‘This is so depressing,’ Buck grumps as he throws himself across the armchair at Lucy’s. 

She’s been back from the hospital for a few days, propped up on the sofa and mostly watching Christmas films with Taylor while drinking copious amounts of hot chocolate. Buck has been popping in every few days to check on them both.  

(‘ Die Hard is absolutely a Christmas film,’ Lucy insisted on day one of her enforced rest. ‘It’s literally set at Christmas.’ 

‘Sure, babe, whatever you say,’ Taylor shot back, humouring her. 

‘Don’t give me that, it is ! Ask anyone.’ 

‘Hey, I’m not getting involved,’ Buck said, hands up in front of him in surrender when Lucy shot him a pleading look.

Since then, Taylor has mainly been selecting all the festive action and horror films from their watchlist, the gorier the better, when it’s been her turn to choose the film, and Lucy has pretended not to notice the pattern.)

Buck was the one to pick Lucy up from the hospital so Taylor could get the apartment ready for her few weeks of limited mobility – and so she wouldn’t risk getting spotted in the hospital parking lot with the very female love of her life – but this is the first time Buck’s been alone with Lucy since then. 

They’re having a bit of a chill one together, eating popcorn and candy while semi-watching Happiest Season, when Buck can’t take it anymore, and loudly laments that their fake-dating scenario makes him feel like Kristen Stewart. 

‘What the fuck are you talking about, Buckaroo?’ Lucy asks, taking the bait. ‘This is the complete opposite of fake dating. They’re pretending not to date.’ 

‘Jesus, I’m the complete opposite of Kristen Stewart, then,’ he whines. 

‘If you’re the opposite of Kristen Stewart, then who does that make me?’

‘You’re the weird sister.’ His voice is flat and matter-of-fact. 

‘And Taylor’s Mackenzie Davis?’

‘Obviously.’ 

‘That would make me Taylor’s sister…’ 

‘Ew, never mind.’

‘Then who’s Aubrey Plaza.’ 

‘Eddie.’ Buck looks up cautiously when he realises he may have shown his hand. 

Lucy briefly chokes on her popcorn. 

‘Wait, Eddie? As in Eddie Diaz?’ 

‘Um. Yeah. That Eddie Diaz.’ 

Lucy’s eyes narrow. ‘Okay, I’ll bite. Why is he Aubrey Plaza?’ 

In for a penny, in for a pound. 

‘Because they’re both hot as hell and I want them to rail me from here to next year.’

Lucy just stares at him. ‘Next year is in just over a week.’

‘Or the year after that,’ says Buck.  

Then she shrugs and says evenly, ‘Totally didn’t see that coming but, yeah, makes sense.’

‘What do you mean, “makes sense”?’ he asks, confused. 

‘Just, it makes sense that you would like him. He’s the complete opposite of you, and you’re the complete opposite of him. I feel like you’d balance each other out. And you’re both really hot but kind of weird and annoying.’

‘Hey, now!’ says Buck, offended.

‘How do you even know Eddie?’

‘What do you mean, “how do I know Eddie”?’

‘Quit asking me what I mean and answer the damn question, you little shit,’ says Lucy, but she’s putting no effort into hiding her amusement. 

Buck quickly considers how much he wants to reveal to Lucy. He decides the answer is ‘everything’. He’s sick of secrets. ‘Well,’ he starts, ‘you know how I was hanging out with your colleagues as a distraction so Taylor could sneak in and visit you?’ Lucy nods. ‘They’re all lovely, by the way.’ 

‘I know,’ says Lucy, ‘but let’s get to the point.’ 

‘Well… I’ve kind of been hanging out with Eddie too. Like, just me and Eddie.’ 

Lucy stays quiet. 

‘Alone.’

She nods.

‘Like, just me and Eddie by ourselves.’

‘Buck, for fuck’s sake, I know what ‘alone’ means. Just get to the good part.’ 

Buck’s confused. ‘Um, that is the good part.’ 

‘So, let me get this straight.’ The cogs start to turn in Lucy’s head. ‘You and Eddie have been dating while I, his friend and colleague, who he thinks you’re engaged to, am on my sick bed? Wow,’ she says, but she looks impressed. ‘I didn’t know Diaz had it in him.’

Buck gasps. ‘That definitely is not the situation at all!’ he says, defensive. ‘We’re not dating! We’ve just been hanging out, like, as friends!’ 

‘You know, I did wonder why he asked me for your number…’ 

‘Stop, Lucy! You’re making it all sound so sordid!’ Buck squirms.

‘So what have you been doing exactly, during these ‘friend hangouts’ then?’ she asks, genuinely interested, and Buck tells her everything. 

He tells her about the eggnog and then panicking when he ran into Eddie at the grocery story the next day. 

He tells her about how he may have invited Eddie to hang out with him at work for hours after only knowing him for two days, how he reacted when Buck mentioned he was bi and how he left in a hurry not long after. 

He tells her about all the text messages, which had turned into an ongoing stream pretty much up until Buck pulled into the station to pick Eddie up that day. (‘Eddie hates texting,’ Lucy supplies gleefully at that. ‘It’s almost impossible to get him to reply in the 118 group chat!’) 

And he tells her about the Christmas trees, and how Christopher is the cutest kid on the planet, and how they laughed until they cried sliding around in the fake snow. 

‘And I was so sure he was going to kiss me, Luce,’ says Buck, feeling quite frantic by now. ‘Like, he was full-on on top of me, and staring into my eyes like some kind of rom-com hero. He leaned down. Like, our faces were an inch apart!’ 

‘What happened instead?’ asks Lucy, stuffing popcorn into her mouth. She was treating Buck’s romantic predicament like her own personal soap opera, but honestly, he couldn’t blame her.

‘He just rolled off me, we went home, and I haven’t heard from him since. He hasn’t messaged me or anything, and he didn’t come down to say ‘hi’ when I dropped some gingerbread off at the station the other day.’ Eddie’s absence then had upset him a little, but he figured it was for the best. 

‘Well, of course he hasn’t messaged you again,’ huffs Lucy, and it’s now her turn to be frantic. ‘He thinks you’re engaged – to me, I might add – and, also, unrelated but that man is the most repressed person I’ve ever met in my life!’ 

‘What do you mean?’ asks Buck, trying to keep up. ‘You think he likes me back?’ 

‘Do I think he likes you back? Fucking hell, Buck! Yes, I think he likes you back!’ She sits up taller on the sofa and then seems to regret it as she gasps a little and grabs onto her thigh.

‘Watch your stitches,’ Buck reminds her, his heart suddenly feeling a little bit hopeful. 

‘Fuck my stitches, this is incredible!’ she says, her eyes wide. ‘You know, I thought he was one of ours and I guess this confirms is.’ 

‘You think he’s bi too?’ 

‘Are you kidding me? If anything, that man is as gay as Jonathan Bailey at a bottomless brunch. I’ve never known him to even so much as glance at a woman sidewise.’ Lucy’s eyebrows shoot up, like she’s just remembered something. ‘Actually, I did try to hit on him a bit when I first joined the 118 but I don’t think he even notice. And I was not subtle about it. That’s actually hilarious, now I think about it.’ 

Her brow furrows. ‘Well, I guess there was Christopher’s mom. Maybe that’s why they broke up…’ 

Buck blinks. ‘They didn’t break up,’ he says quietly. ‘She died.’ 

Lucy’s jaw drops at Buck’s words. ‘Oh my god, she died?’ She looks a little guilty. ‘I had no idea. Poor Eddie. I love him like a brother but he doesn’t really talk about himself all that much.’

‘Really?’ From what Buck has learned about Eddie over the last few weeks he finds that kind of hard to believe. ‘I feel like he’s told me basically his entire life story.’ 

‘That’s because he has a crush on you, dumbass. Or you make him feel comfortable or seen or whatever.’ 

Buck feels his face heat up, but it’s a good kind of heat. ‘This is going to sound so corny and stuff, but I literally get, like, butterflies in my stomach every time we’re in the same room.’ He’s had them since he started monologuing, too. 

‘Gross,’ says Lucy, but she’s smiling fondly at him. ‘I’m happy for you, Buck.’ 

The butterflies are replaced by nausea as he remembers. 

‘Don’t be. It’s not like it can go anywhere.’ 

‘Shit, I’d forgotten about that.’ Lucy moves slightly closer to him and pats him on the back. ‘I’m sorry, Buck. I’m so sorry you got dragged into all this.’ She hesitates before asking: ‘Have you told Taylor how you feel?’ 

‘I can’t,’ he says quickly. ‘I can’t put her in that position.’ 

Lucy nods and sighs. ‘You’re right, this is depressing.’ 

__ 

On Christmas eve, Buck drops by the station again, this time to pick up a tray of stuffing. Bobby rang him last night, enthusiastically explaining how he made way too much of it for just him, Athena and and kids this year, and he really must pop by to take some of it off his hands for him and Lucy. Buck relented when Bobby began listing the approximately fifty different ingredients that went into it, and if it was anywhere near as good as his antipasto spread then Buck doubted it would last until Christmas day. 

When Buck walks into the station, wondering if he’s allowed to head up the stairs or not, a familiar grinning face pops up from behind the upstairs railing. 

‘Cap, Buck’s here!’ Chimney yells. Bobby quickly appears behind him. 

‘Buck! Come on up!’ 

Buck does, and he’s greeted by the whole of the 118, who are enjoying a bit of downtime between calls. He can’t help automatically scanning the room for Eddie, who he spots sat on a sofa in the corner, a book in his hands and his eyes already on Buck. When Buck’s meet his gaze, the side of Eddie’s mouth pulls up into a half-smile, which Buck returns. Then he buries his face back in the pages of his paperback. Buck tries not to read too much into it as he follows Bobby to the kitchen. 

‘Here you go,’ says Bobby after fumbling around in the fridge. ‘Put it in the oven at 375 for around 40 minutes and it’ll come out perfect. I hope you kids like it.’

‘Oh, I know we will,’ Buck says, taking a sniff under the foil lid. ‘Damn, it already smells amazing and it’s not even cooked yet.’ 

Bobby’s finding him a bag to carry the tin home when Hen strolls over with her phone in her hand. ‘Hey, Buck,’ she says brightly. ‘Nice to see you at the station. Cap got you on the stuffing too?’ 

‘He sure has.’ 

‘You know Taylor Kelly, right?’

Buck’s stomach suddenly does something weird as he stares at her.

‘Uhhhh,’ his mouth says of its own accord. 

Why the fuck is Hen asking him about Taylor?

‘You know, Taylor Kelly Talks? Aren’t you friends with her?’ 

Buck clears his throat and almost chokes. 

‘Um, yeah. Yeah, I know Taylor.’ He attempts a nonchalant tone but he’s freaking out. 

Hen holds up her phone to show him something on the screen. It’s an Instagram post. 

‘I just saw she came out,’ says Hen, smiling. Buck’s head feels like it’s filled with microphone feedback. 

‘She… she did?’ 

‘Yeah, she made this cute post about it.’ Hen’s still holding her phone out and Buck squints at the screen. He can’t read the caption, but the woman in the picture is definitely Taylor. She’s wearing a woolly red beanie with a bobble on the top which clashes wonderfully with her ginger hair. She’s fully beaming, her eyes sparkly and teeth bright white, while being kissed on the cheek by another woman. Lucy. Except Lucy’s also wearing a hat and her long blond bob is covering most of her face. The camera angle and Christmassy lighting make it hard to make out her features, but Buck knows it’s her and it’s only a matter of time before Hen does too. 

‘Ah, that’s nice,’ says Buck weakly. 

‘Didn’t she tell you she was going to do it?’ Hen asks, looking curious. 

‘Oh, uh, yeah, yeah. She did. Mention it.’ He needs to get out of here. ‘Listen, I need to go actually.’ He looks at Bobby too. ‘I’m sorry. I, um, I just remembered… I need to…’ 

And then he’s grabbing the stuffing bag and making a beeline for the stairs, bumping into several inanimate objects on the way. 

It’s over. It’s all over. They’re all going to find out and then they’re all going to hate him. 

He can’t bring himself to look at Eddie as he barrels down the stairs two at a time and practically runs to the safety of his truck. He slams the door behind him and slams his head into the steering wheel, narrowly avoiding beeping the horn. 

‘Fuuuuuuuck,’ he moans. This wasn’t part of the plan. 

Matters are made worse when his phone screen lights up with an incoming call from Taylor Kelly herself. 

Deciding he can’t deal with any of this right now, he declines the call and turns off his phone. Then he drives to his apartment, climbs into bed, and stays there until morning on December 25th. 

__

Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas this year, and not just because he’s alone. 

After spending much of the year, frankly, pretty depressed, Buck had started to get some of his pep back when Lucy Donato was almost murdered by Krampus in his bar. Actually, that bit was awful. He takes that thought back. But what came after was pretty amazing. Through meeting the 118, Buck discovered a sense of belonging in a matter of days. They welcomed him into their group, wanting to get to know him better, wanting to cook for him, and wanting him to just be himself. 

Ravi, Hen and Chimney felt like they gave him some much needed proximity to the sibling he was missing, with Maddie halfway across the country. Bobby instantly accepted him into the 118 family in a way he’d never experienced from his own parents, and even thought he could have potential as a firefighter despite knowing nothing about his past employment experiences. 

And then there was Eddie. Sweet, beautiful Eddie who made him feel like the sun was shining just for him. Like good things could happen to him and he didn’t even have to try. 

None of that mattered anymore. 

The 118 would have figured out that Lucy Donato was the other woman in Taylor’s picture by now, which means they also would have figured out that Buck was just a guy who was pretending to date her. 

He was proud of Taylor for coming out, he really was. But he couldn’t repress the deep sense of loss that came with it. 

He’d never tell her that of course. He’d be happy for her and for Lucy, and continue to be for the rest of their lives. But for now, he lets his feelings out under the protection of his bedsheets, then through sobbing his heart out in the shower for ten minutes, before getting dressed and grabbing Bobby’s stuffing from the fridge. He plasters on the best smile he can muster and heads out the door to attempt to enjoy a family Christmas with his friends. 

Buck arrives at Lucy’s apartment a little after noon, and all the sadness he’s been holding in his body melts away when Taylor opens the door. Her usual business casual (even when she’s at home) is replaced by red and white striped leggings and an extremely loud but still semi-chic Christmas-themed sweatshirt that’s way too big for her. It’s covered in rainbows and snowflakes, and a slogan splashed across her chest declares: “Don we now our gay apparel’. Best of all is her face: she’s make-up free and absolutely beaming from ear-to-ear. She looks radiant. 

Before Buck can even open his mouth to say ‘Merry Christmas’, she’s jumping into his arms and squeezing him around the middle like her life depends on it. 

‘Oofffffffff,’ he gasps as she knocks the wind out of him. He squeezes her back with one arm as he tries not to drop the stuffing tin. 

‘Hey, Buckley,’ she mumbles into his jacket. 

‘Hey, Taylor. I am so, so, so proud of you.’ 

‘Thank you,’ she says. ‘For everything.’ 

‘Don’t mention it, we’re family,’ Buck replies. 

‘Family.’ 

Taylor untangles herself and starts walking back inside, gesturing for Buck to follow her. ‘Get your sweet ass in here. Lucy’s just opened the wine. Is that stuffing?’ 

The air is filled with the scent of rosemary and sage, fairy lights are twinkling from every corner of the apartment, and a glistening ham bigger than Buck’s head is roasting in the oven. For a few hours, Buck forgets about everything as he just enjoys his little family’s company. 

By mid-afternoon, all three of them are more full than they’ve ever been in their lives, and spend a few more hours vegging out on the sofa, falling in and out of sleep while more hideously gory Christmas films play on the TV. 

They’re playing a round of cards on the coffee table, mugs full of hot mulled wine in their hands, when Taylor turns to Buck and says: ‘So… Eddie Diaz, huh?’ 

Buck snaps his head round to look at Lucy. ‘You told her?’ he asks, kind of pissed. 

Lucy just shrugs as she reaches for her next card. ‘What did you expect me to do? You were like a hurt little puppy, all sad and heartbroken.’ 

‘Of course she told me, we tell each other everything,’ says Taylor, sternly but kindly. ‘But the real question is, why didn’t you ?’ 

‘Well, you know,’ he starts, but he’s a little hesitant to continue. ‘I didn’t want you to get outed or anything.’ 

‘Buck, there’s no way in hell I would have let you lie for me like that if I’d known how much it was hurting you. I don’t want to treat my friends like that, ever.’ 

‘Taylor, c’mon, you know I didn’t mind,’ he says in a small voice. ‘You know I’d do anything for you.’ 

‘Well, I mind!’ she says. ‘And I’m actually glad Lucy told me.’

Some dots connect slowly in Buck’s head. ‘Wait… that’s not why you came out, is it? I didn’t intend for––’ 

Taylor cuts him off. ‘Buckley, did you even read my post?’ she says, outraged, but there’s no real heat behind it.

‘Uh…’ Busted. ‘I mean, I saw the pic briefly when Hen told me you’d done it at the fire house, but I kind of freaked out and got the hell out of there. Then I turned my phone off and hid in my apartment until I came here.’ 

Lucy raises an eyebrow, and he feels extremely judged. 

‘Why in the name of fuck have you been hiding in your apartment?’ 

She must be joking. ‘Because I didn’t want to face… all this,’ he says, gesticulating wildly at nothing in particular. ‘They’re gonna hate me!’ Taylor and Lucy clearly weren’t getting it. ‘I lied to their faces! For weeks!’ he adds with a distressed flourish. 

‘They’re not going to hate you,’ says Lucy. ‘They’re all obsessed with you. They won’t stop going on about you. It’s getting kind of annoying actually. Buck said this hilarious thing, Buck baked this amazing gingerbread, Buck’s hotter than a Texas wildfire …’ 

His eyes narrow. ‘Wait, who said that last one?’ 

‘Forget about it, that’s not the point,’ Lucy hurries along. ‘The point is, and I’m only going to say this once: you’re a wonderful guy with a heart of gold and they’ll know you just did what you had to to protect a friend. I mean, You saved my damn life, you thick fuck. If they’re the people I think they are – no, the people I know they are – they’re not going to care about the details, about who’s actually engaged to who or whatever. They already know who you are, and that’s Buck.’

‘Damn,’ says Buck, blinking tears of out his eyes. When did he start weeping like a regency heroine? ‘That was kind of beautiful.’ 

‘You get one per year. Don’t let it go to your head.’ 

Taylor grins behind her. ‘What Lucy said, times a million.’ Her tone is teasing but Buck knows she means it. ‘And for the record, I didn’t come out for you, I came out for me. But I would have come clean to the 118 either way.’ She takes his hand and squeezes it. ‘We love you, Buckley, but you also deserve to be loved by someone who will rail you into next year.’

Buck chokes on his mulled wine, and Taylor smiles softly. 

‘You should go get your man.’ 

__

All the courage he gained from Taylor and Lucy’s pep talks has dissipated by the next morning. He knows they’re both probably right about the 118, but what is he supposed to do? Show up at the fire house unannounced and say, ‘ Hey, everyone! Sorry I lied about my identity! It turns out I’ve actually fallen in love with you all and want you to be in my life forever! ’?

He clearly needs to think on this a little. 

But for the next week, he focuses on himself. He keeps his apartment tidy and gets back into cooking, dropping the delicious results of new recipes round to Taylor and Lucy’s for them to try. He chats to people more during his shifts at the bar, hearing their stories and sharing his own in return without compulsively assessing them to see if they could be potential long-term romantic partners. He even starts to google what you have to do to become a first responder, but that’s a decision he can make in the new year. 

On 31st December, he’s scrolling on his phone before heading out to Taylor’s for a little New Year’s Eve get-together when he sees her latest Instagram story. It’s a picture of Taylor and Lucy together looking pretty damn hot. Taylor’s in an emerald green sequined mini-dress that clashes gorgeously with her hair, and Lucy’s on crutches and in a bright blue pant suit with no shirt under the jacket. The caption over the photo reads: ‘Getting ready to ring in the new year with this babe.’ He smiles at his friends, and then realises he never actually got around to reading her original coming out post. 

He taps through to her profile and quickly finds what he’s looking for. He reads. 

This year has brought many blessings for me, but I never imagined that the biggest would be meeting the love of my life. This woman has been my rock, my confidante and my best friend. I almost lost her once (long story, don’t ask) and now I’m never letting her go. 

I thought in order to find success and therefore be happy I had to be a certain way, be unoffensive and palatable to reach a wider audience. But I’ve realised I’ve been sanitising myself for people I don’t know, nor respect. If that’s what success is then you can keep it. Xoxo 

#BabyBiBiBi #FuckTheHaters

Buck wipes a rogue tear from his cheek. He’s like a damn faucet this week. 

Happiness looks good on Taylor, and he wants it for himself too. If she can be brave then so can he. He opens up his texts and shoots the group chat a quick message. 

Buck

guys i’m gonna be late, i’ve got a romantic gesture to do

Taylor Kelly Talks Too Much

BUCKLEY!!! 

Yes! 

Go get your man! 

Buckaroo

I’m gonna try 😊

wish me luck

Taylor Kelly Talks Too Much

Good luck!!!!! 

Fast and Luce   

BUCK NO

WAIT 

Buckaroo

what why

Fast and Luce 

No I mean

Do get your man but 

He’s not home 

Buckaroo

how do you know

Taylor Kelly Talks Too Much

Oh shit, yeah he’s not home 😬

Fast and Luce 

Ok don’t get mad 

But we invited you over on false pretences 

We were gonna kidnap you and take you round to Bobby’s 

For the REAL nye party with the 118 

🫣

Buckaroo

u fucken what

Fast and Luce 

I’m sorry don’t hate meeeeee 

But they all miss you so bad 

I need them to stop moping istg 

Buckaroo

damn I wish you’d told me

I would have ironed a tighter shirt

Taylor Kelly Talks Too Much

BUCKLEY WHEN I CATCH YOU 

There’s a knock at the door. Probably his kidnappers. 

‘Just a sec,’ he yells, pulling on his shoes and grabbing his usual jacket. He holds it for a second before putting it back on the hook and grabbing another jacket, the one that inexplicably makes his ass look amazing. 

He yanks open the door and is met by––

‘Eddie?’ Buck is stunned. 

‘Buck,’ he says. He’s wearing a pale pink blazer over a dusty pink button down, and his hair is flopping over his forehead in a cute way. He’s also out of breath for some reason. 

‘Um, what are you doing here?’ Buck asks. Because WHAT THE FUCK? 

‘Can I come in? There’s something I need to say.’ He seems like he’s on the verge of throwing up but despite that he still looks extremely handsome. It would be annoying as hell if Buck wasn’t in love with him. 

‘Yeah, of course.’ Buck steps to the side to let him pass and closes the door. ‘Uh, I was actually on my way to come find you.’ 

Eddie looks him in the eyes and his shoulders appear to unfurl a little. ‘Really?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

He fully faces Buck and steps towards him so that they’re a couple of feet apart. He lets out a slightly shaky breath.

‘Okay. So.’

Buck waits a couple of seconds. 

‘So.’ he says back.

Eddie appears to gather his thoughts.

‘So… When we met at Bobby’s I was a little suspicious of you at first. You were this random man who claimed to be engaged to Lucy even though no one had ever heard of you. Not even Ravi, and those guys are inseparable. But as we got chatting, it was like, duh! Of course Buck’s with Lucy! She’s awesome and you’re awesome and you just have this thing about you that gets under your skin.’ 

Buck makes a wounded face.

‘In a good way!’ Eddie continues, hurriedly. ‘It’s just, you seemed to get on with everyone and fit in instantly, and it was like you’d always been part of the gang. You were so familiar and I just, like, felt so comfortable around you for a reason I still don’t really understand. And I thought, okay, this guy is cool, I’m making a new friend. But I hadn’t really had a friend like you before. From that day at Bobby’s, you were in my head, like, all the time. And this is awful, but when Lucy woke up and was okay, I started feeling a little weird about her, like also mad at her for not telling us about you. You could have been part of the group this whole time.

‘And then at the bar when you said all that stuff about having intense friendships and eventually kissing a man, I kind of freaked out. Like, that’s exactly how I feel around you. And I sort of realised I wasn’t mad at Lucy… I was jealous of her. Like, actually jealous! And then it suddenly felt very real and something I needed to deal with so I ran away like a coward.’

Buck stays stock still while Eddie monologues, thinking back to their time together and barely daring to believe he’s being serious. 

‘But then I calmed down a bit, and this is going to sound especially insane, but I started coming up with excuses to talk to you and be around you… My truck was fine!’ He sounds slightly hysterical now. ‘I parked it a couple of blocks away so you wouldn’t see it when you dropped us home! I mean, who does that?!

‘I couldn’t stop myself throwing myself at you, but you were engaged to Lucy. My good, awesome friend Lucy! I couldn’t do that to her, and you probably didn’t even feel the same way back anyway. But then that evening at the tree place happened. Like, I was this close’ – Eddie holds up his hand to show his index finger and thumb half an inch apart – ‘to dry-humping you right there on the ground and you just laid there and looked up at me with your stupid gorgeous big blue eyes. So I decided that it would be better if I just ended everything there and kept my distance. And it really sucked.’ 

He looks genuinely sad at the memory, and Buck’s heart breaks a little. 

‘And then there was all the stuff with Lucy and Taylor and my head was all over the place. So I’ve got to ask you some things. Can I ask you some things?’ 

Buck pauses, not immediately registering it’s his turn to speak. 

‘Oh, um, yes. Yes, of course. Ask away.’ 

‘Okay,’ says Eddie. ‘First question: you were never Lucy’s fiancé?’ 

‘No, never.’ 

Eddie moves forward ever so slightly. 

‘Second question: you’re single?’

‘These aren’t really questions, you’re just saying statements and adding a question mark at the end.’ 

‘Buck, I swear to god…’ 

Buck smirks. ‘Yes, extremely single.’ 

‘Okay, last question: was any of it real? Or was it part of the backstory?’ His eyes are shining, and it’s clear on his face how much is hinging on Buck’s response. 

‘The only thing I ever lied to you about was being engaged to Lucy. The rest of it, everything I said and did, it was all real. It felt so real. It was the realest thing I’ve ever felt in my life.’ 

‘Okay,’ Eddie whispers. 

‘Okay?’ For the first time in a long time, Buck feels hopeful. 

‘That’s good enough for me.’ He closes the gap between them. ‘I’m going to kiss you now.’ 

‘Okay.’ 

Eddie’s warm hands come up to cup Buck’s face, as Buck’s find a home on either side of Eddie’s hips. Buck leans down slightly as he feels Eddie reach up, and his lips almost brush Buck’s for a moment, almost hesitant, as they breathe in each other’s hot breath. And then they’re kissing, and Buck sees stars. 

It’s too early for fireworks, but that’s what it feels like. An explosion of light and colour and heat as Eddie softly sucks his bottom lip, snakes his tongue between both and into his mouth, grabs the back of his head with a strong hand, his fingers pulling at his hair like he’s grabbing onto Buck and never letting go. 

The heat that’s been growing in Buck’s stomach only intensifies as he pulls Eddie in by his hips, holding him closer. Then there’s suddenly a vice-like grip around his wrist and his entire hand is being dragged down to, wow, to Eddie’s absolutely phenomenal ass. He squeezes it and Eddie makes the most amazing noise Buck’s ever head in his life. 

Finally, finally, they pull their faces apart to catch their breaths. Buck removes his hand from Eddie’s ass, mostly not to look like an complete horn dog after only one kiss, but he keeps Eddie close and places his hand back on his waist. 

‘Wow,’ breathes Eddie. 

‘Yeah,’ Buck purrs back. 

‘I- I think I’m gay.’ 

Buck grins. ‘No shit.’ 

Eddie slides one of his arms up between them and softly places a hand on Buck’s massive pec. He gives it a little squeeze as if testing the waters. ‘Yep,’ he says. ‘Extremely gay.’ 

‘Glad to hear it,’ Buck chuckles. 

‘And I think I’m in love with you,’ adds Eddie, kind of casually. 

Buck’s heart could just about beat straight out of his chest. ‘Well, that’s good because I think I’m in love with you too.’ 

Eddie suddenly looks like he’s been splashed in the face with a bucket of icy water. 

‘I really want to continue this but we still need to go to Bobby’s,’ he says, sounding extremely gutted about it. ‘He’s got a gift for you.’ 

‘For me?’ Buck is stunned. ‘What is it?’ 

‘Fire Academy application papers. He said if you really want to do it he can try and speed up the application process. I think he’s trying to nab you for the 118.’

Eddie gives him one last sloppy kiss on the mouth, and then they slip out the front door before they can get sidetracked. 

––

The gathering at Bobby’s house is just as wonderful as Buck hoped. He’s welcomed back into the group with open arms, and he’s fed, watered and filled in on all the gossip he’s missed in the last week. His heart is full to the brim when he realises that his family just quadrupled in size. 

No one mentions the fact that Buck and Eddie are practically glued to each other the whole night, but they’re both on the receiving end of a lot of knowing smiles and pats on the back. Taylor’s a little emotional about the whole thing, but then again she has consumed a lot of champagne. 

Eddie arranges a last-minute sleepover for Chris at Hen and Karen’s house, and he and Buck sneak out the back early, before the countdown to midnight begins. They call for an Uber, and flirt and giggle coyly pretty much the whole way back to the loft. Buck tips very generously and Eddie’s hands are back on him as soon as the elevator doors close, and then again when they reach the privacy of Buck’s home. 

And then Eddie rails him into the new year.