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Astarion creeped through the dark forest trying to not make a sound. He was much more used to dark alleys and stone pavements but these days it was just dirt roads and steep cliffs. His prey was close, but didn’t seem to notice his presence. He was kneeling down by a stream, washing his face and hands, his long red hair swaying in the wind. He kept rubbing his hands in the cold water, even though they looked clean. Astarion knew the feeling. No matter how much you try to wash away the blood, it seems to cling to your skin.
Astarion set out to only watch him from afar, allow himself this one indulgence. But now that he was so close to him, his intoxicating scent filled his nostrils, beckoning him to step closer. Astarion forgot that he too, had fey ancestry.
“Astarion? Is that you?”
The rogue froze. How shameful. Two hundred years of training in stealth and subterfuge and yet he failed in something so banal. It was no use to try to hide now. Slowly, He stepped out of the shadows.
“Yes, darling.”
The young man frowned. His body was lithe and strong, honed by years of training in a remote sanctum. But his skin was snow-white, smooth and soft to the touch. Being a half-elf, he was possibly older than all of their other companions. And yet, having grown up in seclusion, he retained a youth-like innocence in both looks and demeanor.
“I thought you were avoiding me,” he said without looking up.
He tried to keep his voice steady, but Astarion could see the hurt in his eyes.
“Darling, I would never…” he started but was cut off.
“Don’t.”
The man stood up straight and their eyes finally met.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m a child. I’m not dumb. I knew what I got into. I didn’t expect you to… care about me. But then… why are you here?”
His face looked so innocent. His big green eyes watched Astarion with a mix of hurt and affection. It reminded him of all the pretty things whose lives he stole. The confusion and pain in their eyes will haunt him forever.
And yet, this man was different. He wasn’t that innocent. He had blood on his hands, even if most of it was spilled in self-defense or to save others. More importantly, he knew Astarion for what he was. He didn’t freak out when he learned he was a vampire and let him feed on him. He defended Astarion when all the other companions raised their very legitimate concerns about traveling with him. He promised him to help discover the secret behind his scars, even if it meant walking into another death trap. It was naïve and reckless of him and yet… if it wasn’t for him, Astarion would probably be dead by now. Or worse – recaptured. For once, Astarion was lost for words.
Suddenly, the man spoke again.
“I know it’s not easy for you, but… You don’t have to lie to me, you know. You don’t have to pretend. You can trust me.”
His tone was full of affection he did not deserve.
Astarion sighed. It’s not that he didn’t trust him. He wanted to, really. He just forgot how. He was so used to wearing a mask, it melded to his face. He wasn’t even sure there was such a thing as the “real” him anymore. He wasn’t sure who he used to be. Did he prefer men to women? Was he loyal or promiscuous? His life as a human seemed distant and blurry. What did it even matter anymore? Whoever he was, that man was long dead.
All he could do was default to his usual nonchalant façade.
“Of course I trust you, darling. You have nothing to worry about.”
The young man did not reply but the vampire could tell by his disappointed face he did not buy it for a second. Astarion felt sick with himself. Normally, lying was effortless. It became his second nature. But this man… he made him feel something he thought he’s lost forever. Shame. And a hint of something more…
Astarion didn’t mean to get attached. It was all about survival, making sure he had someone on his side when things inevitably came to blows. And the young man seemed like the easiest target. He knew nothing of how the world worked and wasn’t immediately suspicious of him like everyone else was. It didn’t hurt that he was also very beautiful. The first time they had sex, it was mostly a pragmatic gesture on his side. He realized all too late, that he was his first. They both were, in a way, he smiled bitterly to himself.
The other companions looked at him with disdain. And they were right to. But he wasn’t as naïve as Astarion had initially thought. He seemed to see right through him. And yet, somehow, he was still there. He looked at him as if he was redeemable. As if he wasn’t a monster. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but, by the gods, he wanted to. Wanted to believe him, just for an hour, for a minute. Astarion knew he should have turned away, should have stopped before things got too complicated. But he was too weak and now he hated himself for it.
“If you didn’t want me anymore, you could have just told me. I just want you to know, I’m still here for you.”
Astarion felt something crack inside him at these words. The young man looked at him expectantly but Astarion still didn’t know what to say. He had a thousand phrases for seduction, deception, pleading, intimidating. But this… this he had no words for. A part of him wanted to run away but he silenced it. Instead, he came closer and leaned in. The man did not resist and their lips met in a kiss. Gentle at first, it soon began to heat up. Astarion’s hand grabbed his slender waist to bring him closer. He licked a fresh wound on his shoulder, making him gasp, before claiming his lips once more. The young man whimpered, clutching at his clothes.
Astarion knew the man deserved better. And yet, right now, this is all he had. What use is it worrying about broken hearts when you can end up with a broken skull any day? It’s too late to back down now. He was going to hurt him either way. So why not have a little pleasure before it happens?
Astarion drew the man closer, grinding his body and deepening the kiss, making the young man moan into his mouth.
Pleasure. It was all he knew how to give, the only thing he was good at, besides murder. For just a little while, he could make him feel good, make him forget all the horrors they went through and were sure to go through soon enough. If his body was a tool, he shall at least use it how he wished.
Astarion pulled back from the kiss. The young man was panting, his cheeks flushed. The vampire pushed at his shoulders until they were down in the grass, before attacking his mouth again. Astarion pulled at his clothing until he was bare. Spread underneath him, the young man looked delectable. The pale neck beckoned him, tender and inviting. But no, he was not going to betray his trust. Tonight wasn’t about him.
At some point Astarion felt his mind slipping away, like so many times before. It was hard to shake off the bitter feeling at the back of his mind. But he willed himself to focus. This was his choice. He wanted this. Being in nature made it easier, away from cheap brothels and dusty palace rooms. The warm gentle wind caressed their skin and the river sang a peaceful song.
Astarion slowly made his way down his body, worshipping and caressing and making him squirm in pleasure and anticipation. The man’s pale skin was marred by fresh scars and bruises and yet, somehow, to Astarion, that only made him more attractive. He went on with his journey, laying kisses on his abdomen, tracing the scar tissue with his lips, making the young man shiver. Finally, wrapped his lips around his length, one hand on his hip to hold him down. The man threw back his hair, eyes closed, lost in pleasure. It didn’t take long before his body shuddered in bliss as he climaxed.
Astarion licked his lips slowly, locking eyes with him. He was barely getting started.
The young man was now on all fours. His beautiful body all his for the taking. His pale skin was glistening in the moonlight, his long red hair falling gracefully over his shoulder.
Astarion left a trail of kisses down his spine, dragging his tongue down his tailbone before circling the sensitive opening. The young man could hardly hold still and Astarion grabbed his supple hips as he continued his blissful assault.
He went on until the man was begging and desperate. Then he finally took mercy as he slowly pushed in until he was in all the way.
Slow and deep at first, he picked up pace, before slowing down once more. He used all his skill, changing the pace and angle, driving the man mad with pleasure. The man’s neglected member hang loose, begging to be touched. No, Astarion thought. Too easy.
He had learned to hold back, focus on his partner, foregoing his own needs. But he felt that now he too, was at his limit.
No more games. Relentlessly he thrust, hitting the spot just right. The man was moaning so loud he probably woke up all of their companions by now. Good, Astarion smirked. Let them hear.
Arching his back and throwing his hair back, the half-elf’s body tensed. Astarion knew was getting close when he heard man’s hoarse voice.
“Bite me!”
He hesitated for a moment but meeting the man’s eyes left no doubt he wanted it. He obeyed, leaning forward, sinking his teeth into the tender flesh of his neck, careful not to bruise too hard.
How sweet he was! How intoxicating! Better than the most exquisite wine he ever tasted.
Astarion felt a rush run through his body. He felt stronger, invigorated, almost alive.
In a moment, the man climaxed, with a soft deep moan, his body shaking. Astarion continued thrusting erratically until he too was coming.
Reluctantly, he pulled away, falling to the ground next to him, trying to catch his breath.
It’s been so long since he felt so good after sex. There was no feeling of dread hanging over him. Their labored breathing resonated through the night, accompanied by the soft murmur of running water.
Astarion wasn’t sure when the young man ended up on his chest, but the weight was not unpleasant. Within seconds, the man’s breathing was even.
Astarion always envied the ability of other races to fall into a deep sleep. Sweet oblivion. How much he longed for it… Astarion closed his eyes.
Suddenly, the body on his chest shifted. For a moment, he felt a panic seize his heart. He opened his eyes, his heart racing.
No, Cazador wasn’t here. He couldn’t reach him. Couldn’t hurt him. Couldn’t take away this man. He was still there, next to him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. Like he didn’t have a care in the world. Like he felt safe… with him.
Astarion chuckled. Perhaps, all these years of using his body were to give this night of unforgettable pleasure.
For the first time in many years he felt peaceful. Who knew what the future held? So many crazy things happened to him in the past few weeks, things he could never imagine before. Anything seemed possible. So maybe, this would even work out somehow.
And maybe, just maybe, one day he could become the one this man saw in him.