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There's been gossip regarding the Rugby Star Ivan and Rock Star Genius Till on campus lately.
Acorn, being the best interviewer of the Journal Club will be giving a questionnaire for the supposed couple!
Acorn: Thank you for accepting this interview, you two. A lot of students are curious about the relationship between you and Till.
Ivan: Of course, it's only natural to satisfy their curiosity. The students on campus have greatly supported me after all.
Till: I'm only returning the favour.
Acorn: Let's start then!
Acorn: What is your name?
Ivan: Is there anybody who doesn't know my name?
Till: What is this question?
Acorn: What's your age?
Ivan: 22!
Till: 21.
Acorn: What's your sexuality?
Ivan: Uhm…I don't think I've told people before but I am indeed gay.
Till: Bisexual.
Acorn: Are you two officially dating?
Ivan: I suppose so.
Till: We never established anything yet.
Ivan: We haven't?
Till: No??
Ivan: Oh…
Till: Don't act all sad, we'll talk about it once this is over.
Acorn: May I ask what your personality is like?
Till: it's okay, I guess.
Ivan: Pretty playful.
Acorn: The other person's personality?
Till: Perverted, maiden's heart, hopeless, romantic and immature.
Ivan: Gentle and foul mouthed.
Acorn: When did you two meet?
Till: On the first day of highschool, in the hallway.
Ivan: Really? I remember it being in English class.
Acorn: What was your first impression of the other person?
Ivan: Tough exterior, “are these eyeliner real?”, heavy makeup and doesn't like me.
Till: Total jerk, typical Jock and I don't like him.
Acorn: Later impression?
Ivan: Sensitive, creative and kind of a mama's boy.
Till: I'm not?
Till: Ugh, whatever. Still a jerk, pervert and a sweetheart.
Acorn: What do you dislike about the other person?
Till: He's clingy and too much of a dick sometimes.
Ivan: Nothing.
Till feels a bit bad, muttering: Nothing too then.
Acorn: What do you call the other person?
Ivan: his name or tilly when I feel like annoying him.
Till: Ivan.
Acorn: What do you wish for the other person to call you?
Till: Pass.
Ivan: My love.
Till: Don't act all lovesick here.
Ivan: I mean it!
Acorn: If you were to describe the other with an animal, what would it be?
Ivan: A pomeranian.
Till: the fuck? Why am I a pomeranian?
Ivan: You acted like one. Sometimes you can be cute but other times you act like a feral dog.
Till, unimpressed, firmly said: A fox.
Acorn: If you had to send the person a gift, what would you choose? What gift would you want?
Ivan: A new guitar. Hm, I would want his undivided attention for a day.
Till: A pair of clean sneakers. I don't have anything in mind I want right now.
Acorn: Isn't the difference a bit too much?
Acorn: What stage has your relationship progressed to?
Till: Unofficial couple.
Ivan: I don't know.
Acorn: Ideal date?
Ivan: attending a concert together, doesn't matter who.
Till: Playing in the sea nearby the beach.
Ivan: Didn't we do that before?
Till: Doesn't hurt to do it again.
Acorn: What does the other person have to do to make you feel like you're at wit's end?
Till: When he starts to cry. I don't know how to handle that.
Ivan: When he shuts me out.
Till: I don't?!
Ivan: Yes you do!
Acorn: What's the one thing that makes your heart race about the other?
Ivan: When he starts to weep.
Acorn: Are you a sadist?
Ivan: No. I'm not. It's exclusive to him, nobody else makes me feel like that.
Acorn, silently judging Ivan: Okay. What about you, Till?
Till: When he shows up at my doorstep with fresh flowers.
Acorn: That's oddly romantic of him.
Till: I know. At least I'm not a weirdo like him.
Acorn: What song describes your relationship?
Till ponders carefully before answering: That song that Taylor Swift released a year ago...what song was it again? Ah, The Alchemy.
Ivan: You listen to her music?
Till: No. I heard it on Tiktok.
Ivan: Well...if you were to ask me, ‘Something about you’ by Eyedress!
Acorn checks his phone and takes a listen: Surprisingly fit! Good choice.
Acorn: Have you ever fought before? What kind of fight is it?
Till: Yes. Over dumb shit.
Ivan: Quite a lot. Mostly about small stuff, sometimes it's just because Till wouldn't talk to me.
Till: Communication.
Ivan: Either sex or we talk it out.
Acorn's expression falters: I think I might need to censor that. Do I need to?
Staff: Yes.
Acorn: Oh.
Acorn's mental thoughts: I got more information than I needed.
Acorn: Is your relationship public or secret?
Ivan: I guess it counts as public now.
Till asked back: Have you watched Alien stage?
Acorn pauses before asking the next question: Gee…who wrote this script? Ahem, who is the giver and receiver?
Ivan: Both~ it depends on the mood.
Till: Pass.
Acorn: Where did you have first intimate skin to skin contact?
Ivan rushes to say: At a party.
Till didn't manage to reply fully before Ivan: In the lock– at a party.
Acorn: How many times do you have intercourse a month?
Till: Why are these questions going in such a weird direction?
Ivan: Once a month is the minimum.
Till: I AM NOT ANSWERING THAT. PASS!
Acorn: I'm sorry, I don't know who wrote this but—where do you want to attempt [censored] at?
Ivan smiling: School Gym. Next question.
Acorn is heart-stricken by the answer.
Senior Ivan, do you have no dignity nor shame?! What the hell!!
Till: Pass.
Acorn: You can't keep saying pass!
Till: I am not saying shit about my sex preferences!!
Acorn: Do you think you're good at making love?
Till: No comment.
Ivan: I'm rather confident in my skill.
Acorn: the other's most prominent feature.
Ivan: His teal eyes.
Till: his snaggertooth.
Acorn: During sexual intercourse what's relatively painful for you?
Ivan: When he doesn't let me put it in.
Till: Too big.
Acorn: Ah I see.
Acorn: Has the receiver took the initiative?
Ivan: Sometimes!
Till: No. No. No!
Ivan: Liar.
Acorn: What pleases the other during [censored]?
Till: Saying his name and praising.
Ivan: Begging.
Acorn makes a mental note: Both are equally freaks.
Acorn: At that time, what would you think of?
Till: It hurts.
Acorn: Do you take off the clothes yourself or does the other person help take it off?
Till: Other.
Ivan: Myself, if he took mine off I wouldn't be able to control myself.
Acorn: Wow you must really like him.
Ivan: He's my first love, obviously so.
Acorn: Oh.
Ivan: Yeah.
Acorn: How many times a day?
Till: who the fuck in the right mind would count that?
Ivan: We can count today.
Till: No we are not.
Acorn: Am I interrupting you two?
Till: No. Its fine.
Ivan: I can give you the answer tomorrow, Acorn.
Acorn: I'm good.
Acorn: That's about it. I'll be taking my leave.
Till: This is the weirdest interview I ever had.
Ivan: I think I had fun!