Chapter Text
Toya felt his chest rise and fall in a quick peace, he felt breathless, almost like he was drowning deeply on the darkest corners of his mind, not being able to differentiate dream from reality. His skin warm and wet from his own sweat and sins, his hair, always neat and tidy, now messy, some strands of his bangs sticking to his own forehead, his vision blurry, foggy, almost unable to recognize the figure below himself, the same person that he touched, feeling slightly tanned soft flesh that shivered under the tip of his fingers, reacting immediately. His thoughts were nonexistent, being replaced by whining and cries of pain, yet, those sounds weren't made by him.
Even so, his head was throbbing by such an inexplicable act he was committing, although he couldn't stop himself.
Toya had to make him remember who he belongs to.
He couldn't let him go away.
It doesn't matter how.
And suddenly, Toya opened his eyes at the speed of a bullet, and his vision met with the ceiling. His body laid down on his bed, covered by his soft blankets and his own sweat, his heart beating quickly, almost jumping out of his chest.
He was in his room, and apparently, he woke up.
He sat on his bed, staring at his own hands, he was shaking.
What... dream was that?
He closed his eyes, trying to reorganize his own mind, he felt dirty, his guts twisting by such memories... he tried breathing deeply.
Why did his mind keep doing this?... he doesn't even know how to react. Even if he knows he would never do something so repugnant like that, he still doubted himself.
He sighed, he had to calm down, it was merely a dream, it was just a dream.
Nothing else.
When he finally opened his eyes one more time, he decided to check his phone, Toya didn't even remember what day was it, what happened a few seconds ago really messed with him.
8 pm, Friday, 10th of December.
...He couldn't believe it, the year was almost ending...
He sighed once more, he shouldn't be worried about it, it's better if he just brushed it off to the side by now.
Then, he got up from his bed. He shouldn't let his day go to waste just because he had a bad dream- actually, even worse, a terrible nightmare.... Sighing deeply, Toya got up, his legs sore from being still for so long.
—It's better if i wash my face first...
The young man said to himself as he started walking out of his room, now towards the bathroom.
Doesn't matter how cold was the water Toya splashed on his face, the fake memory his own mind created still haunted him. Why- just why he was going through this?
He was his friend.
He shouldn't be thinking about these things.
He knows he doesn't like him like that.
He was his best friend.
He has to stop, it doesn't matter how.
... It— doesn't matter how?
Toya felt like throwing up, he couldn't even look at his own reflection in the mirror anymore. He could still hear those sounds, burned into his tympanums.