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The catalogs were Sugawara's first clue.
The way Kenma's gaze would dart over them sometimes as they lay out on the coffee table, or how he'd glance Suga as he was flipping through one.
It wasn't like Kenma actually asked about them, or the clothes inside. But it was rare for Kenma to ask about anything. Rare for Kenma to say anything, to most people.
For the longest time, Suga wasn't even sure if Kenma liked him. Several of them had rented a beach house for the summer, getting together to relive training camp memories. Kenma normally hung out with Hinata and Kuroo. He stayed inside in the afternoons, though. Too hot. Suga agreed, and ended up more often than not hanging out in the living room of their house, reading or doing Sudoku while Kenma sat curled up on the couch, playing his games.
Sometimes, Suga read catalogs.
They were addressed to the house's previous occupant, and kept showing up in the mail. Catalogs with cute clothes, with bright colors and accessories. Some of the louder boys had made crude jokes about them at first until Suga hit them.
Suga's second clue was the way Kenma had curled up on himself when he overheard the jokes that, that and the way he'd glanced at Kuroo. Kuroo wasn't one of the ones joining in on the jokes, but Suga was pretty sure that he'd missed the look Kenma had shot him.
It intrigued him.
Daichi mentioned in passing that he seemed to be paying a lot of attention to Nekoma's setter. Suga started to shrug it off, but then realized that Daichi was right. So one afternoon, when they were both inside even though the weather outside was unseasonably cool, Sugawara asked the question.
"Do you want to come shopping with me?"
At first he wanted to curse himself for even asking. Kenma looked up at him, shocked, and quickly glanced back down to the game in his hands. He had his legs pulled up on the couch, feet pressed together as he played. His toes shifted back and forth for a moment, then tilted his head to the side in what Suga chose to interpret as inquiry.
"I have this flyer for a sale at one of the shops downtown. Ah, it's not a big shop," he said. He knew Kenma didn't like to be around crowds. "Not in the mall. Just on this little street near the park. There's a homemade ice cream parlor near there too, I've been wanting to try out some of their flavors."
Suga held his breath as he watched Kenma's head tilt back and forth as he deliberated. Then he nodded.
"Alright."
The breath escaped Suga's lungs at that, and he wanted to laugh at the way those golden eyes blinked at him. He didn't laugh though, just smiled. "Good."
Suga drove them downtown in his VW convertible bug, glancing over at Kenma at every stoplight. Now that he was starting to understand the other's body language, it made things much more interesting. Kenma was playing his game but glanced up occasionally, watching the scenery fly by.
When they got out of the car, Sugawara inhaled the ocean breeze. They were only a couple of blocks from the boardwalk; far enough away to be apart from the tourist shops but within walking distance if they felt like it later. Kenma was standing next to the car, eyes trained on his game.
"It's down this way," Suga said, leading the way and trusting that Kenma would follow.
He was glad of the light breeze, glad it wasn't too hot. Glad that there weren't that many people walking along the sidewalks. He smiled as he got closer to the shop he had in mind, waving at the salesperson who was outside straightening up the racks of clothes they had put out for the sale.
"Good morning!" he said.
"Morning, Sugawara-san," the woman said, waving back. "Bring a friend today?"
Suga glanced back at Kenma. His fingers seemed to have tensed slightly on the game, and he glanced up like he wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer or not. Suga did it for him.
"Ah, yes. We're going to duck inside though, if that's alright."
"Sure thing! Hope you find what you're looking for!"
"Thank you," Suga said, opening the door so that Kenma could duck inside.
They paused for a moment after the door swung shut behind them. Suga took a deep breath, smiling at the light scent of vanilla and something he couldn't quite place. It reminded him of a stuffed animal he'd had as a kid, warm and soothing and sweet. This was one of his favorite shops in the area. The clothes were unique - the selection wasn't really geared toward one gender or another, there were pants and blouses and skirts and shirts. It was all cute though. Some of the displays were pastel with pretty bits of lace, some had simple rows of t-shirts, others were ribbons and barrettes and cute little hats. Kenma didn't say anything, but his eyes were off his game and he was looking around at everything, face focused.
Suga ducked his head, giving him a moment before walking past him and into the shop. He decided to browse and let Kenma catch up. In some ways, he thought, it was like luring a wild animal to you. Not a deer or a bird or anything like that - he'd seen enough of Kenma's actions on the court to know his friend was predator, not prey - but perhaps the cat that Nekoma was known for.
He walked up to a display of shells, running his fingers over the soft cotton fabric. Glancing over he saw Kenma was right there next to him. The game had been put away, but his hands were in his pockets as well.
"What do you think?" Suga said, letting his fingertips dance over the different colors. "Blue? For me, I mean."
Kenma looked up at him, first in question and then more intentionally. Then he looked down, one slim hand coming out to carefully press against one of the shirts. "Do you like purple?" he asked.
"I do," Suga said, fascinated with the way that small hand pulled back and paused before curling up and going back in Kenma's pocket. Picking up the shirt that Kenma had indicated he checked the size. "Perfect. I'll try this out then."
They moved over to a rack of blouses. Kenma was frowning at first, but his gaze was still intent on the clothes before them.
"You wear red a lot," Suga said. "And white. Is it just because of your team, or do you like the colors?"
Kenma shrugged, glancing up as the bell over the door rang out when another customer entered the store. He shifted a bit closer to Suga in response.
"I wear black too," he murmured. "Kuro wears a lot of black. It's handy."
Kenma was known to wear Kuroo's shirts once in awhile. They were big on him, of course, but neither of the two of them seemed to care. Some of the other boys in the house had raised speculation about the nature of the best friends' relationship, but no one was outright asking. Suga wondered, himself.
Wondered when Kenma's hand came out again, seemingly of its own volition, and tugged at the sleeve of one of the light blue blouses. Kenma frowned when he noticed the lace on the front of the shirt, and he moved on to the next, a white linen blouse patterned with small blue flowers. This he pulled out and looked at carefully before glancing up at Suga.
There was a quiet determination in that look. Suga felt like this was a test of some sort - like he was being analyzed by the smaller setter just like he would be on the court.
Nodding, Suga said, "I like it. It suits you." He picked out a couple of blouses to try on for himself before moving to a rack of sundresses.
Kenma hung back at that, glancing around at the other shoppers with a hint of nervousness. Suga turned away and smiled, humming softly as he flipped through the dresses. Kenma would either join him or turn away, in which case Suga would know he either wasn't interested or wasn't ready. He was getting better at this.
Overcoming his hesitancy, Kenma worked his way closer. "You like dresses?" he asked, glancing up with another of those questioning looks.
"I do," Suga said. He pulled out a lilac dress patterned with pink strawberries and showed it to Kenma. "Do you like this one?"
Kenma tilted his head to the side, hands still in his pockets. "It's a bit big," he said.
Suga was puzzled a moment, then softly laughed. "Not for you," he said. "For me."
"Oh."
The smile on Suga's face couldn't be contained. "I mean, if you want one, they probably have it in your size," he said, watching as a light dusting of pink covered Kenma's cheeks.
"No that's ok," the younger man said, shoving his hands even deeper in his pockets. Still, he was looking at the other dresses with poorly disguised curiosity.
"I like dresses sometimes," Suga admitted. "They're comfortable."
"Oh?"
Suga nodded. "Yes, and they show off my legs."
"What?" Kenma said, blinking up at him before looking down at Suga's legs like he'd never seen them before. "For who?"
It wasn't the question he'd been expecting, but it was an interesting one. "For myself," he said, not wanting to get into the particulars of his personal life at this point in time. Maybe later. First, he had a question of his own. "Have you ever worn a dress?"
Kenma shrugged, looking back at the rack of clothes again. "Skirts sometimes, around the house. They are comfortable. I don't shave my legs or anything, though; it's not like that."
"Like what?" Suga asked.
"Like -" Kenma started, then stopped, leaving Suga to wonder.
He hummed, and held the dress up to his body. "I do. I used to swim, got into the habit."
Kenma nodded.
Suga noticed he kept looking at a light blue sundress covered with yellow flowers. A small blue jacket covered the shoulders. Pulling it out Suga laid it over the rack, glancing between it and Kenma. "You like it?"
Kenma looked at it critically, hands coming out of his pockets and smoothing over the fabric. "It's soft," he admitted. His fingers graced the curves of the flowers - lilies, Suga thought. He liked the precision of Kenma's hands. Setter's hands, hands that knew how to push a ball in just the right direction. Suga had hands like that himself.
"It's nice," Kenma admitted, then picked up the hem of the skirt. "A little short though."
"Well, you could always wear tights."
He led the blond over to a rack with long stockings, leaving Kenma to pick up the dress if he wanted it. Suga pulled out a pair in lemon yellow and turned to see if he had.
Kenma stood behind him, the dress and shirt over one arm. He reached out for the stockings and held them up to the dress. Catching Suga's look he shrugged. "Cute clothes should match, right? I mean -"
He flushed suddenly and looked around, pulling the dress tighter to him and looking down.
"Yes," Suga said, reaching out and closing his hand over Kenma's as it curled around the hanger.
He noticed, as Kenma looked up, that the yellow of the flowers brought out the gold of his eyes.
"Do you want to try it on?"
"I'm not sure if I..." Kenma whispered, glancing around the shop again, and then out of the windows toward the street.
Suga shrugged. "It's ok if you don't. I'm going to try mine on. I'd like to see it on you, though."
They looked at each other for a long moment, and Kenma asked, "Why?"
There were many answers to that question, but only one important one right now. "I want to see if you like it."
Kenma looked at him like he saw more than just that one answer. Suga wondered if he saw answers that Suga hadn't even discovered yet within himself.
"Alright," Kenma finally said, gently pulling himself back so that Suga had to let go. "Where are the dressing rooms?"
Then he spotted them, and for the first time that day Suga found himself following the blond as he walked towards the cotton-candy painted alcove that housed the rooms.
As Suga got dressed he wondered, for the millionth time, what was going on behind Kenma's golden eyes.
He liked the dress, he decided. Lilac suited his hair. A few accessories and he wouldn't mind going out like this at all.
He heard a noise outside the door, an indrawn breath, and decided to look. Opening the door he saw Kenma in the dress and stockings standing before a three-way mirror.
“Oh,” he said, drinking in the sight. The skirt came to about mid-thigh, falling in soft waves over the yellow tights. Moving forward he saw how the front of the dress lay straight across the pale skin of Kenma’s chest. “You have freckles too,” he said, surprised.
Kenma glanced down at himself. “Hmm?” he said, hand raising to trace the light spots dusted over his skin. “Yes, a few. My mom used to call them stars.”
“Really?” Suga said, raising a hand to his face then letting it fall. “I always thought they were just spots.”
“Nope,” Kenma said, reaching up and touching the mole under Suga’s eye. “They’re stars.”
The touch made Suga catch his breath as he looked down at Kenma, looked down into his eyes. He thought he saw just the flicker of a smile in them for a moment before Kenma turned back around to look into the mirror.
Kenma tilted his head to the side and pushed his hair back for a moment, thoughtful look on his face. “I like it,” he said firmly. “Ah, though where to wear it if I got it...”
Taking a chance Suga squeezed his shoulder through the fabric of the jacket. “You could wear it at the house?” he asked. “Kuroo might like it.”
“Kuroo?” Kenma said, looking confused.
Suga held his breath, feeling like he was getting the answers to several questions at once as Kenma turned to look up at him. Confusion, surprise, annoyance, amusement. He thought he saw all of those in Kenma’s eyes, flowing together too fast for him to be sure of. The last expression, however, was a smile, and it stayed. It was small, seen more in Kenma’s eyes than on his mouth, but Suga wanted to capture it forever.
Or perhaps it was he who was being captured.
“Kuro and I are just friends,” Kenma said.
“Oh?”
“Yes,” Kenma continued. “We grew up together. I know that he still sometimes picks his nose when he thinks no one’s watching, and I remember when he threw up all over my sheets because he ate all the halloween candy so I wouldn’t get any. Besides, he’s not my type.”
“Really?” Suga asked. He was caught between wanting to take back the question and wanting to ask who Kenma’s type was. This wasn’t a part of the plan at all. Before he could say anything though, Kenma was smiling again, glancing at Suga’s hand before ducking out from under it and heading back into his dressing room.
Suga stood there blinking after him, then turned and looked at himself in the mirror, laughing softly. This wasn’t part of the plan at all, but it felt good. He touched his face, feeling the smile there, and turned to go back into his own dressing room to try more things on.
“I’m going to look for a few more things, Suga,” Kenma said outside his door. “Is that alright?”
“Of course,” Suga said, wondering suddenly what Kenma would pick on his own. That he even wanted to pick things on his own spoke volumes.
He liked it here. He was comfortable. And maybe, maybe, he wanted Suga to see him in the clothes he’d picked out.
The uncertainty of that last idea felt delicious and delicate.
He tried on a few more things, wandering in and out of the dressing room as he picked up pieces he thought would make a good outfit, finally settling on something that was more earth tones than lilac. It wasn’t a dress either. This outfit, he could walk outside in without drawing too many strange glances. Not that he cared about the way people looked at him, but if he was walking with Kenma. Well.
Kenma would.
They came out of the dressing room at the same time and looked at each other. Kenma looked him up and down, noting the dark brown pants and vest over the longsleeved green shirt.
“It looks good,” he said.
Suga wanted to know if there was more to that statement. Looked good on him? Looked good together? The desire to know more - to know more about Kenma - curled inside him, but all he said was “Thank you. You as well.”
Kenma flushed a bit and glanced down. “It’s nothing fancy.”
It was cute though. He’d picked out a simple t-shirt with a paw print, loose enough to be comfortable. He wore it with a pair of shorts that showed off his legs in a way Suga didn’t normally get to see.
The sound of Kenma clearing his throat made Suga glanced up. “What?” he asked.
“You were, um,” Kenma said, looking away as the color on his cheeks deepened.
Staring. He’d been staring.
That made Suga blush himself. “Sorry,” he murmured, glancing at Kenma to make sure he hadn’t offended him.
Kenma shrugged, and looked back at him for just an instant. He didn’t say anything, but Suga thought he caught the ghost of a smile before the other man ducked back into the dressing room.
“I think I have everything I want,” Kenma said through the door.
Suga caught himself nodding in reply. “Me too,” he said, pausing. “Ah, are you getting the dress?”
Kenma stuck his head out of the door, eyes reading Suga’s face. “Maybe,” he said, eyes dancing before he ducked back inside the room.
Suga hoped that in this case, maybe meant yes.
He gathered the things he wanted to buy, including the dress, and made his way to the counter. A dark blue and green scarf caught his eye and he ran the fabric through his fingers.
“You should get it,” Kenma said, coming up beside him. “It’ll go well with your outfit.”
“You think?”
Kenma nodded, moving to slide fingertips over the patchwork corduroy strap of a purse on display. He glanced at Suga before pulling the purse off the rack. “I like the texture of the fabric,” he said, shrugging and moving to place his purchases on the counter.
It wasn’t a justification. It was just a fact, something new about Kenma that Suga wouldn’t’ve known if he hadn’t told him. It meant something to him that Kenma would share it.
The sun was out when they stepped out of the store, bags in hand. “Do you want to go home, or go get ice cream?” Suga said.
“Ah, ice cream,” Kenma said. “Can we put our bags in the car first though?”
“Of course.”
They chatted as they walked. Well, Suga chatted. Kenma listened. He was playing his game again, tilting his head and making small noises every so often in response to Suga’s questions. A shop caught his eye as they passed and he reached out, tugging at Suga’s sleeve.
“You want to go in?”
Kenma nodded. “Souvenirs,” he said.
“I need to get some too, come to think about it,” Suga said.
Inside the shop, Suga learned more about what Kenma liked. He liked the way light was broken into the spectrum when it passed through crystals. Kenma liked his mother, and she liked seashells. He got her pendant with blue crystals and mother of pearl. Kenma wasn’t as sure about what his father would want, so Suga suggested a wooden bear carving.
The suggestion made Kenma chuckle.
He settled on a bookmark instead, painted leather with a geometric design.
For his part, Suga shared with Kenma how he liked windchimes. He pointed one out, watching as Kenma’s fingers ran over the row of bells, making music.
He wondered what kind of music Kenma liked.
“Love live songs,” he learned, as he asked. Kenma’s eyes were dancing, though, so Suga thought there might be more to discover.
Later.
When they went out on the street again, Kenma left his game in his purse.
“Thank you,” he said, glancing up at Suga.
“My pleasure,” Suga replied, smiling down. The sound of a skateboard behind them made him turn his head, moving quickly to get out of the way of the kid barreling down the sidewalk. It made him bump into Kenma, the backs of their hands brushing against each other. “Ah, sorry!” he said.
Kenma’s eyes were wide when he looked at him. He hadn’t moved away. Suga hadn’t either. The back of Kenma’s hand felt warm against his own. He should move away.
All of a sudden, something in Kenma’s face shifted and Suga found that he really wanted to know what that change of expression meant. He drew in a breath. Before he could ask, however, he felt Kenma’s hand turn, fingers sliding into his own.
Uncertainty. That was what the look was, he suddenly realized. He realized it because when he squeezed Kenma’s hand instead of pulling away, the uncertainty melted off of Kenma’s face and was replaced with something beautiful.
Kenma let out a breath. “Ok then,” he said, fingers curling around Suga’s as they held hands. He faced forward. “Ice cream?”
“Yes,” Suga said, feeling something warm and soft and good take root inside his chest. His lips curled in a gentle smile as he watched Kenma’s face. Kenma glanced over, the hint of a smile dancing on his lips.
“You were telling me about your cousin?” Kenma prompted, tugging a bit on their joined hands.
“Yes,” Suga said, taking a deep breath and looking ahead towards the ice cream parlor. “Yes, I was.”
He launched back into the story, feeling the warmth of Kenma’s small hand in his own as they walked forward together. Clues and questions and answers. He wondered what other things he’d be able to discover with the man next to his side.
He looked forward to finding out.