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Last night was horrible. You barely got any sleep and by the time you did, the sky was beginning to lighten, starting the dawn.
He didn't come home last night and you stayed alone in your room, longing every minute for him to come through that door and lie down with you, even if it was the same old grumpy Suguru.
You always harbored mixed and bad feelings for Suguru. Your marriage wasn't your choice, he never treated you well from the start. But he was all you knew. And he was all you had too.
Your family wasn't very different from him, though. Being a sorcerer with great techniques was above any blood ties. So having you as a daughter, in a clan known and respected by Jujutsu society, was worse than shameful.
You had never known love, all you had known until now was contempt.
You were so used to pain that any harmless action on his part was a reason to believe you had something better. After all, it wasn't every day that he hit you, it wasn't every day that he abused you or would commit some kind of atrocity.
And that was something to you.
But really, how could you discern what it was like to have something better if you hadn't known anything different all your life?
Of course, you always thought about running away when he was violent towards you. You thought about disappearing when he despised you and treated you like shit. But you just wanted to hide from the pain he caused when he would do that to you.
The truth was that you didn't really want to leave him. Firstly, because he always liked to make it clear that you were nothing without him and he would hunt you down in hell, never letting you out of his clutches, except over your dead body.
And secondly because you were used to it. He was a part of your life and you had a routine, you lived by it.
How confusing... you didn't know how to feel about it, everything was so difficult!
Yes, it was fun to be able to be alone without him complaining about anything or getting angry at any of your mistakes. It was nice to be able to relax knowing that he wouldn't cause problems for the rest of the day.
But you didn't want to be alone. What about the times he treated you with affection?
Affection is a strong word. You didn't even know what it was, but you believed you did. When he wasn't being violent and abusive, you thought it was a big deal from him.
You weren't naive either. You knew that he was doing you so wrong and, whenever you felt hurt, you also wished that he would explode into a thousand little pieces or just disappear from your life.
But it only took one simple gesture from him for you to put your quarrels aside and try to enjoy a nice moment with him. All it took was for him to cunningly show you some affection and you were under his influence again.
And so you never broke out of this cycle. You never helped yourself. Of course, you could never go against him, you'd never stand a chance. But you never sought help.
He went out to work and often came home late after a long day, while you were left all alone and would even freely open the door to throw out the garbage, to get the mail or go into the yard to do something, and you never run away.
He never put a barrier on the house, nor any cursed seal that prevented you from leaving. He handled things so well that he didn't need to. He walked out of that door knowing full well that when he came back, you'd still be there. And you always were, indeed.
When he was near, you wanted him away. And when he was away, you wanted him near. But when he was remotely human, you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.
At the end of the day, you went to bed last night with a heavy heart, throbbing for answers as to what was he doing that had him spending the whole night, keeping him from coming back. And what was he doing every damn night that he came home late, instead of the usual time.
Deep down, you wished it wasn't another woman. Even though it was a possibility and a scenario that wouldn't harm you, you wished it wasn't another woman in his life.
The bed seemed cold and bigger than it really was as you lay alone. The sun had not yet risen, but its rays were already painting the sky in shades of red and orange.
You had your eyes half-closed, about to go back to sleep again when, in the midst of the absolute silence of that hour, you heard a noise downstairs and it made your heart pound to think that he had finally arrived.
You jumped out of bed and went downstairs to the living room in your cotton pajamas, your eyes finally coming alive as you gazed at the black-haired man who had just arrived, totally exhausted.
He walked with difficulty to the couch and you could see how tired he was.
His hair was down and loose, with a few strands felling over his face, his clothes were dirty and stained with blood and his mouth was bleeding. It made your chest hurt, now with worry.
You ran to him when he dropped his body on the couch and, when you got close, you saw that he had some wounds and the blood on his clothes was his own.
— Oh my God, what happened? Let me take care of this, show me your wounds! — You said, not knowing what his condition was or how serious his injuries were.
He got up carefully, you didn't leave his side, and went to the downstairs bathroom. You helped him get out of his clothes and get into the bathtub, turning on the tap so the water would run down.
Suguru relented a little, but only for a few seconds. The truth was that he was irritated by your approach and sick of the night before. He was tired and just wanted to be able to relax without all the stress he'd been under lately.
Last night, he went out looking for one of his cult members who was playing both sides. While he was at Geto's temple with the family members, usurping money and monkey curses and repressing any sorcerer who went against the ideas of Geto and his followers, he was also passing on secret information about how Suguru operated, what he was planning, what his next steps were, information about his personal life and where he lived.
At the last minute, one of the members caught him on the phone having a compromising conversation and there was no denying about what had happened. But he managed to escape before being caught and Suguru made everyone work hard to find and kill him.
It turned out that the informer wasn't alone out there, other sorcerers were also lurking with him, just waiting for the right moment to strike and capture Geto to condemn him for his crimes.
They all had to engage in combat to remedy the situation, but obviously they weren't just any sorcerers. After all, Suguru was of a special level and quite experienced, not just anyone could take him down. He was there. Suguru thought he would never see him again, but he was there to try to stop him.
As a result, Suguru used up a lot of cursed energy and was weak and injured now. He managed to kill the informant before he reached the others to get protected, but he was also attacked in the process, just like the others.
And now, he was exhausted and felt as if he had drained all the strength from his body. That, and only that, was why he had ended up allowing you to approach and do your pathetic scene. He hated it, hated that a being as inferior as you felt sorry for him. He's like a god. And you're a filthy monkey.
But he was in a terrible state and couldn't protest, so he just enjoyed your care. He was all smeared with blood, it had even splashed on his face, as his cheek and jaw were stained with it, but there were no wounds, apart from his mouth.
The wounds were all on the left side of his chest and ribs. You ran to the kitchen for a cloth and partially filled a container with warm water and returned to him, dampening the cloth and wiping him carefully.
As you wiped away the blood, you could better see the wounds and the amount of them. It was ugly, some of them were deep, but it didn't look serious.
You wrung out the cloth in a separated container, so as not to dirty the warm water you were wiping him with, even though the water in the bath was already tinted red. You did this until his chest was completely clean.
The bathtub was already knee-deep in water, so you removed the drain plug to let the blood-soaked water drain out and plugged it again so that the bathtub could be filled with clean water.
You gave him a bath, as calmly and gently as possible so you wouldn’t hurt his wounds. His hair, dirty and also stained with blood, was wet by you. He didn't protest or show any discomfort, so you continued.
You gently massaged his scalp, lathering the length with the shampoo on the shelf. Your fingers caressed his head, moving as if in an imaginary dance, the tips making a pleasant friction that he wouldn't admit to you.
You rinsed him off, making a visor with your hand so he wouldn’t get soap in his eyes.
He laughed casually.
— What? — You asked.
— It's just that I've just escaped a difficult battle considerably unscathed, and here you are treating me like I'm going to break at the touch of a button, like a baby.
He genuinely found it comical. It would be romantic if it weren't tragic.
—I just don't want to hurt you. — Deep down, you wanted to seize the moment to feel him with tenderness and affection, since he wasn't the affectionate type unless he wanted to manipulate you.
It was good to feel him that way.
He didn't say anything more and went back to his resting face. So you left him for a moment and returned to the kitchen and went into the pantry to find the first aid kit.
The kit had never been used by him. It would be the first time.
You helped him out of the tub, the water dripping and soaking the floor but you didn't care, you'd wipe it up later. He sat on the bench inside the stall, and you carefully dried him off, trying to be as agile as possible.
He was serious, motionless and his face was expressionless, staring blankly at the floor. You approached and carefully dabbed the wounds with a cotton swab soaked in septic alcohol, but the shock of feeling the alcohol burn the bruised flesh made Suguru jump and push your hand away aggressively.
— You-
He stopped himself and closed his eyes, massaging his temples. Fuck, he shouldn't be a crybaby in front of you, especially being such an inferior being. He just came out of a battle against the strongest and he would going to complain about a little alcohol?
He softened the frown on his face, and you gently pressed the cotton again. He did nothing this time and you repeated the same on all the other wounds. After sanitizing the areas, you only had an ointment based on water and zinc.
You would need a more specific and effective medicine, but it would do for now. You covered each wound with a layer of ointment and covered what you could with gauze and adhesive plaster.
It wouldn't be so effective, but at least it would prevent infection. You should go to the pharmacy to buy something suitable for this.
But it wasn't enough though. Other wounds were very ugly...
It took a while, after all you did everything calmly and under his protests that you were hurting him, but you sutured a few stitches to close open wounds that were deeper than the others you had covered.
Despite his complaints, he remained as still as he could so that you could do a good job. You felt distressed to see him so bruised but also relieved that it was nothing so serious to worry about.
The sun was now fully visible and high in the sky, illuminating the whole city. It was now later in the morning, you were tired from not having had a good night's sleep or eaten anything so far, but at least Suguru looked like he was going to recover.
He was moving carefully because of his deep wounds and the pain, but he didn't want your help. It was enough for him that you took care of his wounds and bathed him, he didn't want to walk around like a weak idiot with you everywhere, it would be too much.
You made him some porridge, left some cut fruit on the table for him to serve himself and you sat down next to him to have breakfast.
You were restless and just wanted to know what was going on. You didn't know, because you hadn't heard a word from him about it, just as you didn't know what he did every night.
You wanted to question, but how?
— I think you need to take a few days off. — You broke the silence. He looked at you with disdain. — You know, to recover well, these injuries need rest, and-
— I'm a sorcerer, dear. I don't need to abstain from anything to recover, I'm not like you monkeys.
— O-Of course, it's just that...
You fell silent, unsure whether to continue and get to the main point. He raised an eyebrow, daring you to speak. You felt insecure, but it was killing you.
— Every day you've been coming in late at night, and I think the overwork is going to slow down your recovery. I mean... what have you been doing these days so late?
Like a weight off your shoulders, you questioned him, even though your voice trembled and you hesitated with every word.
He didn't answer immediately. Instead, he looked at you with a certain contempt, as if it was audacious of you to question him about his matters. It was none of your business and he hated to think he was giving you any explanation.
But you had an advantage in your favor, having taken care of his injuries and stitched up his open wounds. Perhaps he should repay you with this small favor at once, so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable about having been weak enough to be taken care of by you.
After a moment of hesitation, he began:
— The jujutsu sorcerers who are against me were able to monitor me thanks to the infiltrator we killed. Before, we didn't know who he was or where he was operating, but we knew there was one.
You put the spoon away, focused on every word he said, you longed for this.
— I'm already aware and used to being sought out and hunted by these assholes who want to condemn me for what I do. But this time, they came very close to catching me, because of this fucking bastard who was leaking our every move. Until we found out who he was, I was very busy on missions, implementing some strategies in place to make us harder to find.
He sighed deeply, visibly tired.
— These sons of bitches were just about to get me, and then I'd be tried and convicted. Maybe, most likely, I'd be sealed away. Now that he's dead, the others have gone on a mission to put the other plans into action. But still, there's a lot to do. Going to war against them without first having a strategy and an advantage would be foolish.
You finally let out a sigh of relief, letting your shoulders drop, releasing all the tension that had built up and, inevitably, you smiled. He found your reaction strange, frowning.
— You think that's funny? Don't think because I'm hurt I can't remind you of your place-
— No, no! It's not that! It's just... well, I thought you might be seeing another woman. — His sudden threat made you confess interrupting him, but you felt relieved that a weight had been lifted from your chest.
So he wasn't with someone else.
At first, he was incredulous at your words. But then, his only reaction was to laugh scornfully.
— You mean, you thought I was going on dates with someone else all these weeks? — Like any man, the feeling of being lusted boost his ego, and he found your silly jealousy amusing. — Don't you worry about it, I couldn’t stand one more woman in my business.
Ouch.
You wilted a little, but you were still relieved. He smirked, looking at you with amusement.
— So you were jealous, huh? — Suguru teased you. You blushed and stared at your hands on the table.
— I-I... Damn, that's embarrassing.
He smiled wickedly, and you felt him stroke your leg with his foot under the table. It sent a shiver through your body, but a good one.
— You look so adorable when you flush, darling. Why don't you come here? — You looked at him with red cheeks, and he continued: — C'mon, come here.
He patted his own lap, and you got up and sat where he indicated. You were uncertain, after all, he had bruises, but he assured you that he wouldn't feel any pain.
As soon as you were on his lap, he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting one hand on your thigh, uncovered by the small pajamas you hadn't changed into yet. He stroked your skin with his fingertips, fingering your waist and caressing your thigh, causing butterflies in your stomach.
— You're such a good wife, aren't you? Look at you... what a cute and fragile little thing, but still so skillful and prudent. — He moved up his hand to your cheeks and caressed you.
He pulled you closer, pressing your body against his, while keeping his hands firmly on you.
— Look here, look at me. — He spoke again. — Do you remember our wedding day, you swore your loyalty to me and to stand by me in any situation?
You nodded.
— Good. Promise me again. Promise me, now, that no matter what, you'll stand by me.
— What, of course I-
— Promise! Promise me, you will, won't you? You'll support me and stand by my side, whatever happens, you'll feel my pain and fight my fights, won't you?
He now clasped the hand that had previously been around your waist in your arm, so he added:
— You know that everything I do is because I love you, don't you, my dear?
And then it was like a pang in your heart.
— Of course, I know. I promise you, dear. I won’t leave your side.
He smiled from ear to ear, glad with your words. He loved the way he could have you wrapped around his finger.