Archive of Our Own

“Donghyuck,” Chenle gasps as he pulls the white garments out of the usual black gift bag. “Is this bridal lingerie?”

Donghyuck smiles sheepishly. “Figured that we should celebrate in our own way.”

Celebrate Donghyuck’s marriage by going behind his fiancé’s back. 

Something about this feels extra icky, but just like he has been, Chenle gives in easily. 

“Did you buy any for yourself?” Chenle asks as Donghyuck pins the veil on his head. 

“I had to.” Donghyuck chuckles, but Chenle hears the pain behind it. “It’s even nicer than what I got you.”

Only the best for Mark after all. Donghyuck gives Mark the best version of himself, leaving the true version for Chenle’s eyes only. 

“Can we play pretend?” Donghyuck asks. Chenle is confused, as Donghyuck usually isn’t the roleplay type. Everything about their hook-ups are raw and real. Unfiltered emotions and desires that they let out onto each other because they have nobody else. 

“Why?” Chenle asks, watching Donghyuck’s fingers play with the lacy garter. The kind that the groom usually pulls off of the bride’s leg at a wedding. 

“I just…” Donghyuck sighs. “Me and you, we just got married. It’s our first night together as a couple. Can we just act like that?”

Chenle doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how he feels about that. 

Sometimes he feels like Donghyuck can be a bit selfish. Not just a bit, really. Donghyuck is selfish. Sure, he’s hurting, just like Chenle is. Suffering through unrequited love the same way that Chenle is, but Donghyuck gets to have his cake and eat it too. He gets to have a fiancé who loves him. A fiancé who takes care of him. Mark would give Donghyuck the world, and honestly, Chenle wouldn’t be surprised if the older male is searching for a way to do that as they speak. 

Donghyuck has someone who would do anything for him, and while may not be in love with his fiancé, he’s still able to be with the person that he truly loves in some capacity. 

Chenle isn’t in love with Donghyuck, and he doesn’t think that he’ll ever be. Chenle doesn’t think that he can love somebody like Donghyuck. Contrary to how his actions may portray him, Chenle doesn’t like being in pain. He doesn’t think that he could love someone who's hurt him in the ways that Donghyuck has. 

And this isn’t to say that Chenle hates Donghyuck in any capacity, because despite how they started, Chenle doesn’t think that he could ever hate him. 

But Chenle can’t have Mark in the way that Donghyuck has him. Donghyuck can come over whenever he wants, and Chenle will give him whatever he wants. Chenle’s never said no to him, and he doubts that he will for a long time. 

Sure, maybe Mark isn’t who Donghyuck wants to spend his life with. Maybe he’d much rather prefer to marry Chenle; have the younger male be his permanently, and be open about his love. But at least Donghyuck gets to have the best of both worlds. He gets to fuck Chenle, kiss him, live a domestic false reality with him, and then go home to his fiancé who provides him with stability. He gets to have a mistress, and then return back inside of the confines of his white picket fence. 

Chenle can’t have Mark in that way. All he has is his fantasies. All he had was that one night, and it’s been nearly three months since that happened. 

Chenle is the biggest loser, because while Donghyuck gets to return home to a warm bed and his fiancé, Chenle lies in his bed, cold and alone. 

But just like always, weak minded and hearted Chenle gives in. 

Donghyuck rolls the garter up Chenle’s thigh, and then takes a moment to marvel at it.  

“Take a picture,” Chenle says. That’s usually what Donghyuck does. God, Chenle wonders how many photos and videos Donghyuck has of him. And trusting, trusting, Mark would never go through his phone. He would never go through his phone and find the probably hundreds of photos and videos of his fiancé fucking his own best friend. 

Donghyuck takes out his phone, and Chenle poses as the older male takes several photos of him. And weirdly, Donghyuck turns the phone for Chenle to see, something that he usually doesn’t do. He doesn’t know if it’s the grainy filter that Donghyuck likes to use, but something about the photos feel so authentic. They don’t look raunchy, like ones you’d see on a pornographic website. The photos seem like something you’d find hidden in one of your parents old photo albums. Like Chenle and Donghyuck are just another couple on the night of their wedding. 

“Let’s get started, baby,” Donghyuck says, throwing his phone to the side. He spread Chenle’s legs, moving his face to the garter resting on his thigh. “How about we start by getting this off?”

Donghyuck secures his teeth around the small piece of cloth, his teeth dragging against Chenle’s skin as he pulls it off of his leg. 

Donghyuck then kisses Chenle tenderly, interlacing their fingers together as he pushes the younger male back onto the bed. 

“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” Donghyuck mutters, beginning to move his body against Chenle’s. “You’re finally mine. Mine forever.”

The only thing that hurts Chenle more than seeing Mark and Donghyuck’s relationship from an outside perspective, is experiencing the inner workings of it. 

As Mark’s best man, he’s been working closely with his best friend to plan the wedding. And that’s subjected Chenle to hearing about all of Donghyuck’s preferences. What kind of scents he likes, his favorite foods, favorite flavors of cake. Chenle is subjected to spending entire days at Mark and Donghyuck’s place, watching the couple be disgustingly domestic as Chenle spends the entire day pretending that he’s not in love with one,and involved in an affair with the other. 

At least he has a break from seeing them as a couple today, as he and Mark are alone at the suit fitting. Most of Mark’s groomsmen are in Canada, and he didn’t want to make them travel for the fitting, leaving Chenle as the sole member of the party to accompany him for the fitting. 

“What about this one?” Mark asks as he comes out, this time in a dark purple tuxedo. Donghyuck and Mark decided that they didn’t want to do plain black and white for their suits, them choosing to have Mark go for a darker color, and Donghyuck go for a lighter color. One of Donghyuck’s groomsmen, Jaemin, tried to dissuade them because there’s a chance that they’ll choose colors that don’t compliment each other. The couple just brushed it off, saying that it’ll at least be memorable and elicit a good laugh if they end up looking a mess. 

Chenle inspects it, before shaking his head. 

“Do you like it?” Chenle asks. Mark turns around in the mirror, looking at himself. 

“Nah, not really,” Mark says. “I think it’s too light. And I want a vest too.”

“I agree,” Chenle says. “And it’s too shiny, so it looks a little cheap.” He doesn’t really care that the shop owner makes a face at him for saying that. It’s about making Mark look his best on his great day, so he’ll be brutally honest. 

Again, Chenle isn’t the vengeful type. He won’t lead Mark astray because he feels like he fell in love with the wrong person. 

Plus, he’s done enough to hurt Mark. He’s done Mark badly enough to make the older hate him for the rest of his life, and his next one too. 

He owes him this. Chenle owes him a lot. He deserves every little bit of stress that Mark puts him through. 

Mark disappears back into the dressing room with the shop owner, ready to try on his next suit. 

The groom-to-be returns a few minutes later, this time in a wine colored three piece suit with black accents. 

Chenle already knows that this is the one. 

“How about this?” Mark asks, a wide grin on his face. 

Chenle approaches Mark, tugging at the suit to see how it’ll look if it was more fitted. 

They’ll definitely need to get it altered, but this is Mark’s suit. 

“It’s amazing,” Chenle answers, hands still holding on tight to the waist of the suit. 

Only in his wildest dreams can he imagine how good it’ll feel taking this suit off of Mark. Being the person to undo every button, peel back each layer until you’re met with the smooth and toned body that it hides. 

Getting to share your first night with Mark as not just a boyfriend, not just a fiancé, but a husband. 

“This is it!” Mark cheers, pulling Chenle into a tight hug. 

Every time that Chenle and Donghyuck meet, it becomes obvious that they’ve both spiraled further and further. They’ve both strayed further and further from the plot, further from any sense of peace in their minds. 

Chenle loves Donghyuck platonically. He cares for him. He trusts him. Trusts him to do whatever he wants to his body. Trusts him enough to confide to him about his feelings towards Mark. 

But every time they’ve been together since the engagement, the envy that Chenle’s felt towards Donghyuck has only grown more intense. He gives his everything to Donghyuck, letting the older male distract him temporarily, but that peace no longer extends to their moments after. 

As he sits in the bathtub with Donghyuck, or helps him wash his back in the shower, or cuddles in bed with him, Chenle can only think about Mark. Think about how Mark will officially be bound to Donghyuck in just a couple of months. And it makes Chenle feel horrible. Sometimes it’s intense enough to where he wants to kick Donghyuck out of his home for infringing on him. For taking advantage of someone as emotionally vulnerable as Chenle. 

Donghyuck, on the other hand, can’t seem to regulate his feelings for Chenle anymore. 

It wasn’t like Donghyuck ever bothered to put on a facade for Chenle. He came to him in his disgustingly true state. Donghyuck caught Chenle while he was weak and leveraged his power over him. He took out his sadistic desires on Chenle. Desires that he knew Mark would never be on board with. 

But then in a tale as old as time, really, Donghyuck began to fall in love with his fuckbuddy. Chenle doesn’t know what there is about him that Donghyuck would love. Did he love how sensitive Chenle was? How good of an actor he was? How he let Donghyuck do just about anything he wanted to him? How he never turned Donghyuck away?

It’s something that Chenle still can’t wrap his head around, but maybe it’s because it’s not for him to understand. 

And it was no secret once Donghyuck began to catch feelings. When they started hooking up, Donghyuck wouldn’t bother kissing Chenle. He thought that Chenle’s mouth was more fit for sucking dick and lapping up his spit. 

So it became obvious when Donghyuck stopped dodging Chenle’s lips during sex, and started kissing him passionately as he fucked into him, that some genuine feelings were being thrown into the mix. 

And despite Chenle knowing that Donghyuck was slowly falling in love with him, it wasn’t something that they discussed often. Not something that they talked about unless the feelings got to be too much to handle, which only happened once, and even then Donghyuck’s feelings were only vaguely discussed. 

Donghyuck seeing Chenle in the wedding lingerie seemed to begin the undoing of the older man. 

“Fuck,” Donghyuck moans against Chenle’s lips as thrusts into him quickly. “You’re always so tight for me. You always feel so fucking good.”

Chenle bites Donghyuck’s lip, temporarily shutting him up as he begins to move faster and faster. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Donghyuck moans, and Chenle can tell that he’s chasing after his orgasm. Chenle clenches around him, causing Donghyuck to moan even louder. 

And then as Chenle feels Donghyuck’s cum spill inside of him, the older male says, “I love you.”

Chenle doesn’t respond, just pulling Donghyuck into his chest and hugging him. 

“Chenle,” Donghyuck says quietly. “I know that you’ll never love me how I love you, but can we just pretend?”

And now Donghyuck wants to play pretend again. 

“Can you just say that you love me?” Donghyuck pleads. “I’m sorry, but I just really wanna hear you say it.”

And Chenle sighs, a sort of emptiness inside of him because of how far he’s been spread thin. Dealing with his own emotions, planning the wedding, now having to play pretend to give Donghyuck some peace of mind. 

“I love you too.”

“Do you think we should do silver or gold decorations? The venue said that lighting of their ballroom can be adjusted to accommodate for both,” Mark asks, scrolling through the decorations website. 

“Gold,” Chenle answers. “You guys seem like warmer people, so gold with warm lighting would be better.”

“You’re so right,” Mark answers, now adding the gold centerpieces to the cart. They just got back from checking out the potential decorations in person, and since Mark couldn’t decide in the store, they decided to come home and just put the order in online. 

“Alright, that’s enough for today,” Mark says, shutting his laptop. “We’ve gotten a lot done in just three months.”

They have, mainly because of Mark and Chenle working tirelessly day and night to get everything booked, making sure that everything is charged to the right card, going to consultations, sending emails upon emails negotiating with companies on prices. 

Of course, Donghyuck and his groomsmen have been doing their parts, but with Mark and Chenle operating as mainly a two man team, their work has been tough. 

“I need to get started planning your bachelor party soon,” Chenle says. “What would you want? Do you want a club? Is Donghyuck okay with strippers?”

Mark just waves him off. “Don’t even bother with that right now. I’m not even too sure myself.”

Chenle wants to lecture Mark on how it’s important to get these things done early, but chooses to let it go instead. He wants everything to be to Mark’s liking, meaning that he needs to wait for his opinion. 

“How about we go out to eat,” Mark says. “My treat since I’m working you to the bone.” He chuckles. 

Chenle nods. “Yeah, food sounds great.”

“Did you get your suit?” Chenle asks. 

“I was supposed to last weekend, but I cancelled my fitting,” Donghyuck responds. Chenle groans. 

“Why are you being so noncommittal?” Chenle asks. “You have to get this stuff done soon. We sent Mark’s suit to the tailor weeks ago.”

Donghyuck just sighs, brushing off Chenle’s concerns. “I don’t see why you care so much in the first place. It’s my wedding.”

“I’m Mark’s best man, and his best friend,” Chenle answers. “Everything has to be good for him. Everything has to be at its best. Everyone has to be at their best, including you.”

“Are you giving him your best by fucking his fiancé?” 

“You won’t let me have him.”

“Does he want you?”

And that was a low blow, but it can be argued that Chenle did provoke it. Despite how they started out, Chenle doesn’t like it when Donghyuck’s mean to him. He got used to the sweetness, and now that’s all he can handle. 

“Don’t be mean to me,” Chenle whines, slapping Donghyuck’s arm. 

“Tell me you love me.”

And Donghyuck is doing it again. 

“I don’t love you, Donghyuck,” Chenle responds. It shouldn’t be an Earth-shattering thing for the older male to hear. Chenle’s been having to bring him back into reality lately. After indulging in Donghyuck’s fantasy of them being in love a couple of times, Chenle’s realized that Donghyuck is starting to sink a little too deep in it. “I can’t keep saying it and letting it get to your head. We’re already in so deep, and if we go any further then we’ll get lost in it.”

“I can separate fantasy from reality, kitty cat,” Donghyuck says, a bit rough. 

“But it’s only a matter of time before you can’t,” Chenle retorts. “It’s only a matter of time before you say my name during sex. It’s only a matter of time before you leave my best friend at the altar!”

Chenle can’t help but get emotional. 

If he can’t save himself, he won’t let Mark go down with him. He won’t let Donghyuck ruin this for Mark. 

“Calm down, Chenle,” Donghyuck coaxes, pulling the younger male back into his chest. “Just relax. None of that is gonna happen.”

“Are you sure?” Chenle asks. 

“I’m sure, kitty cat.”

“Have you decided on whether you want a makeup artist?” Chenle asks. “I found a few who specialize in natural men’s makeup.”

“Yeah, I want one,” Mark answers. “Did you find a stylist too? I’m thinking about growing my hair out a bit and dying it a bit before.”

Chenle turns to Mark, running his hands through his black hair. “What color were you thinking?”

“Blonde,” Mark answers. “I think it’d look good with the suit.”

It’d look amazing with the suit. 

“It would,” Chenle answers. “You’re gonna look amazing.”

“Thanks, man.” Mark leans further into Chenle’s touch. “I have something to ask you.”

“Ask away.”

“Actually,” Mark says. “I’ll ask next week. I need to think about it some more…”

Chenle’s left to wonder what Mark was going to ask, but with the way that time’s been flying by as an effect of him being so busy, he imagines that next week will come in no time. So Chenle doesn’t dwell on it, continuing to discuss potential hairstylists and cuts with Mark. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Donghyuck says with a chuckle, tapping Chenle’s shoulder, causing him to jump awake. Between the warmth of the water, and the warmth of Donghyuck’s body, it was hard not to slip away. Especially since he was up all night comparing prices and values of different vendors for the wedding. 

“Sorry,” Chenle apologizes weakly. 

“Don’t apologize.” Donghyuck moves his hands away from Chenle’s shoulders, and snakes them around his waist instead. “I guess you can sleep in here. I’ll make sure that you don’t drown.”

Chenle looks back at Donghyuck, smiling softly at him before slotting their lips together. The kiss isn’t exactly chaste and innocent, with Chenle sliding his tongue in Donghyuck’s mouth, but it’s intimate. 

“Don’t make me want another round,” Donghyuck teases as they pull away. Chenle groans. 

“We have enough sex. Your fiancé is convinced that I have some sort of secret boyfriend because of the way he sees me limping every week.”

“I’m sorry, kitty cat,” Donghyuck apologizes, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “I’ll be more gentle.”

Sometimes Chenle wonders if Mark and Donghyuck do stuff like this. If they take warm and romantic baths together after sex. If Mark cleans Donghyuck up the way that Donghyuck cleans Chenle. Dresses him up the way that Donghyuck does. 

Another long day of planning ends with Mark and Chenle laying on the couch, Mark’s arms circling his waist as he rests his head on his shoulder. Chenle is about to fall asleep, but he has to go. If he spends the night here, there’s no way that he’ll be able to make it to work in the morning. 

“I have to go,” Chenle says, attempting to roll off of the couch. Mark holds him back. 

“Wait, before you go, I have to ask you that question,” Mark says. 

“Ask away.”

“It’s– um– about my bachelor party,” Mark says. Chenle hums, acknowledging what he says. 

“I wanna–” Mark pauses. “You can say no if it makes you uncomfortable, I won’t be mad. And really, I’m being serious, just say–”

“Mark, just spit it out!”

“Uh, okay…” The older male sounds nervous, and Chenle can’t even begin to imagine what he’s about to ask that has him so hung up. 

“I don’t really want a bachelor party. Instead, I want a night with you.”

Chenle feels his heart stop, and he’s glad that they’re not facing each other, because the shock on his face would be evident. 

Maybe for the sake of his own heart, Chenle should say no. 

“I can give you that,” Chenle answers instead. “Just tell me everything you want, and how you want it. I’ll make it come true.”

“You would look pretty with lilac hair,” Donghyuck says as he pulls the purple colored pieces out of the bag. 

“I don’t think I wanna go so light,” Chenle responds. Mark asked him to dye his hair for the wedding. Chenle asked what color, and Mark told him any color. 

“You shouldn’t go so light,” Donghyuck says as he grabs the hem of Chenle’s shirt, pulling it over his head. “He says that you’d look good with curly brown hair.”

Chenle rolls his eyes as Donghyuck hooks the bralette onto his chest. “Why wouldn’t he just say that?”

“You know how Mark is.”

Yeah. Unfortunately, he knows a whole lot about Mark. It was already hard enough for Chenle to make the older male sit down and be specific about what exactly he wanted from their one night. Down to the date, location, what he wants Chenle to wear, what he wants to happen. He probably felt like it was too dictatorial to tell Chenle what he should do with his hair too. 

So now Chenle will just coincidentally have curly brown hair. 

After Donghyuck finishes dressing Chenle, he lays the younger male across his lap, running his hands along his back.  

“Is this meant to be a massage or something?” Chenle asks, lifting his head slightly so that he can look back. 

“Not really,” he answers. “I just like looking at you.”

“Not my face?” Chenle jokes. 

“I look at your face all the time,” Donghyuck teases back. “I wanna admire what’s back here.”

“There’s not much to see.”

“There’s a lot to see,” Donghyuck insists, cupping Chenle’s small butt in his hands. 

“You flatter me,” Chenle sighs. 

“When do I not?” Chenle hears Donghyuck pop open the cap of the lube bottle. 

So he relaxes, ready to let himself be taken away by Donghyuck’s touch. 

Chenle is clueless when it comes to this type of stuff, which is why he’s doing it so early. It probably would’ve been helpful to bring Donghyuck along since he would know his way around this place, but it kind of felt wrong to Chenle. It’s not like anything that they’ve ever done has been right, but bringing Donghyuck to help him pick out the lingerie that his fiancé is gonna fuck him in didn’t seem like the best idea. 

Mark told him that he wants Chenle to wear red, so here he is in Donghyuck’s favorite lingerie store, looking amongst the racks at the different pieces. 

He’s not totally clueless, as obviously, Mark told him what color to wear. Donghyuck also clued him in a bit more on Mark’s preferences. One being that Mark likes when there’s an opening in the back, giving him easy access to the jewel. The experience for him is really about seeing his partner wearing the lingerie, so he doesn’t like to take it off or rip it during sex. Donghyuck also said that Mark likes stockings. 

Chenle finds a group of red pieces and looks through them. He doesn’t want to pick up just anything, he wants the best. 

“Need help picking?” A clerk asks as they approach him. 

“Uh…” Chenle thinks about denying the assistance, but then remembers how lost he really is. “Sure.”

“Are you shopping for yourself today?” 

Chenle almost feels embarrassed to say yes, but he does anyway. And he’s surprised by the somewhat excited expression on the clerk’s face.

“We have some nicer stuff over here,” they say, guiding him to an area deeper in the store. “You look familiar, have you shopped here before?”

Chenle raises an eyebrow and shakes his head. “No, this is actually my first time here.”

“Hm…” The employee hums as they pick up a few red pieces. “I know your face from somewhere.”

They position Chenle in front of a mirror and hold a red basque up to his torso.

“This would look good on you.” 

And Chenle agrees.

The employee helps him pick out the rest of his outfit, and when they pass him the familiar black gift bag after he checks out, they finally say.

“I remember where I know you from. Your boyfriend. He showed me a picture of you and asked me to help him pick something out. Buying for yourself this time, huh?”

Chenle just laughs awkwardly along with the employee. “Yeah, I am.”

Donghyuck is too far gone.

“Did you already get the lingerie for your bachelor’s night?” Donghyuck asks. Chenle lets out a loud whine. 

“Don’t talk about Mark–” Chenle pants out. “Your dick is in me!” 

Donghyuck chuckles, thrusting into Chenle even faster. The younger male’s eyes water from Donghyuck’s force. It’s been awhile since he’s been this rough, and it’s taken Chenle some getting used to again. 

“I’m almost done, baby,” Donghyuck whispers into his ear. “Calm down.”

Chenle’s legs are turning into jelly, his knees barely able to support his weight anymore. His own cum is already pooled up on the sheets under him, but Donghyuck is still chasing his own orgasm. 

“I’m so close,” Donghyuck groans, tightening his grip on Chenle’s hip as his thrusts become more and more sloppy. 

When he finally spills inside of Chenle, they both collapse onto the bed. 

“So, did you get it?” Donghyuck asks as he pulls out. Chenle doesn’t want to talk about this, but he still answers. 

“I did,” Chenle responds, still breathing heavily. 

“I’m happy for you, kitty cat,” Donghyuck says, wrapping his arms around Chenle’s waist. “He’s all yours for the night. He’ll love it.”

Chenle’s mind wanders back to the day that he bought the lingerie.

“I’m your boyfriend, huh?”

Donghyuck stares at him like a deer in headlights, before chuckling.

“We all have our fantasies, kitty cat.”

Chenle decides to let it go, his mind wandering back to Mark. 

“What did he say about me?” Chenle finds himself asking. “After the threesome, and when he asked you if this was okay.”

Chenle has to know. 

Donghyuck chuckles. “We had quite the debrief after. Honestly, it seems a bit inappropriate thinking back on it.”

“Give me all of the dirty details,” Chenle says. He wants to know what goes through Mark’s head when he thinks about him. What Mark finds so appealing about him physically. 

Clearly Chenle’s body was enough. Mark wanted to fuck when he first met him, so it was always enough. But Chenle guesses that his personality is the issue. Mark isn’t attracted to that, and honestly, he gets it.

“What did he say?” Donghyuck asks himself, taking a moment to think. “I remember him saying that he liked how pliant you were. He thought that you’d be bratty in bed, but you were so good for him. Mark isn’t much of a brat tamer, so he loved you.”

Chenle hums. He knows that he tends to be a little rough around the edges, especially with Mark, but it’s all love. It always has been. 

But that edge leaves Chenle in bed. You have to show a certain amount of vulnerability to have sex with someone. Even if it’s a casual hookup—even if it’s with your best friend of years. 

People say that sex is an exchange of power, but for Chenle, it’s giving energy to his partner. Giving them the power, and allowing them to drain him until he can’t go anymore. 

Chenle isn’t a big fan of casual hookups for that reason, only considering one that night at Mark’s party since he was so hurt and needed a distraction. 

He’s willing to give that power to anyone he sleeps with, and especially Mark. 

“He said that he hadn’t felt that way about you for a long time until I brought it up. Said that he suddenly started to see you the way that he did when you guys first met. Sweet and innocent. And boy, does Mark love innocence.”

Chenle figured that was the case once he saw the flip in Donghyuck’s demeanor around him. Sweet and innocent for Mark, raw and dirty for Chenle. Two sides of the same coin. 

“He was really nervous about asking,” Donghyuck adds. “He promised me that this would be the only time that he’d ever insist on going outside of our relationship. I told him that it was fine and that I get it.”

“Anything else?”

“He’s really looking forward to it, kitty cat.” Donghyuck’s grip around Chenle’s waist becomes more possessive. “I think I might be jealous.”

The next few months take a lot out of Chenle. Dozens of late nights spent awake after work helping Mark plan for the wedding. 

Many more nights spent with Donghyuck, the older male leaving his mark on Chenle, blowing his back out and hoping that it’s enough to numb their pain. 

Twenty more pounds lost from stress and loss of appetite due to the heartache. 

Mark’s birthday passes, which is also the one year anniversary of when Chenle slept with Donghyuck for the first time. 

Chenle’s birthday is spent at work, and then half-asleep on Mark’s couch as the older male sings him happy birthday with a small cake and candle. 

Days later, the anniversary of when Chenle and Donghyuck officially started their affair passes. 

Chenle spends Thanksgiving alone, as the happy couple go and visit Donghyuck’s family. He also spends Christmas and New Years alone, as the couple spends that holiday with Mark’s family. 

Chenle can’t even be bothered to try and reach out to their college friends, who he’s really only contacted in the past couple of months to check on their RSVP statuses. 

After the holidays, and as the wedding date comes closer and closer, things don’t become any easier for Chenle. 

Despite the brunt of the planning and organizing being over, Chenle finds himself more stressed than he’s ever been in his life. 

He’s about to lose Mark forever. 

Mark was never his to lose, and honestly, he lost the second that Mark and Donghyuck even started dating. 

But it’s official. Mark will never be his. 

“Don’t cry, please, don’t cry,” Donghyuck pleads quietly. 

It’s become a bit more common for Chenle to have these sorts of breakdowns. Falling into Donghyuck’s arms and just letting it all out. Or scaring the shit out of him and just letting the tears spill while they’re having sex. 

Chenle can’t even bring himself to speak, just letting the tears pool up in Donghyuck’s collarbone where his face rests. 

“Chenle,” Donghyuck says softly. “Baby, you need to take care of yourself. I care about you, Mark cares about you.”

Chenle knows that Donghyuck wants to say that they’re literally watching Chenle fall apart in front of their eyes, but are too scared to actually say anything. 

“Did you eat anything today?” Donghyuck asks. Chenle doesn’t answer, still trying to wipe his eyes dry of the tears. “Hm?”

Chenle shakes his head. Today was his day off from work, and he just lied in bed the entire day until he got the text from Donghyuck that he was coming over. 

Donghyuck sighs, helping Chenle stand up, the younger male’s legs wobbly from the time that they just had, combined with the emptiness of his stomach. He sits Chenle on the couch as he rummages through his cabinets, looking for something quick to make. 

Chenle picks at the hem of the oversized white shirt he has on, that’s only started to look bigger on him in the past couple of months. 

Donghyuck enters the living room holding a bowl of instant ramen, and then takes a seat next to Chenle. The younger male moves closer to Donghyuck, moving halfway onto his lap. 

He takes his time feeding Chenle, and there’s something so tender and intimate about the gesture. Something that you do with a lover. 

Well, they are lovers of sorts. 

Once Chenle finishes eating, Donghyuck rests the bowl to the side. 

“Feel good now, kitty cat?” He asks, rubbing Chenle’s stomach softly. 

Chenle doesn’t answer verbally, instead looking back at Donghyuck and pushing his growing hair out of his face. He smiles softly at Chenle, and the younger male smiles back, pressing their foreheads together. 

Chenle wishes that he was in love with Donghyuck. Even if the male has some dubious morals—even if he is Mark’s fiancé—at least Chenle would have something that he doesn’t have now. 

He would have someone who loves him unapologetically. Someone who loves him unconditionally. 

Someone to keep. Someone to stay. Someone of his own. 

Because even Donghyuck isn’t his to keep either. Not any more than Mark is, anyways. 

Eventually Donghyuck will become well adjusted to his new life with Mark. He’ll fall out of love with Chenle, and he’ll learn to love Mark. Maybe they’ll move away and get a house together. 

They’ll leave Chenle behind, and he’ll be all alone. 

For good this time. 

“Almost the big day,” Chenle cheers, clapping Mark’s shoulder. 

There’s only three more weeks until the wedding, and Mark looks like he’s about to implode at any given moment at this rate. 

“I know, man!” Mark nearly squeals. 

Chenle finds Mark’s happiness beautiful. In recent times, at moments like this one, where he’s able to see Mark’s pure enthusiasm, he finds it amazing. 

Nobody deserves happiness more than Mark does. 

It makes Chenle so happy that he’s able to momentarily forget his own feelings, letting Mark’s joy be his own joy. 

And then in the moment after, he allows reality to hit him again, his insides filling with dread as he keeps a smile on his face so as not to worry Mark. 

Chenle’s loved Mark since he was eighteen, and now, months shy of his twenty-fifth birthday, he still hasn’t gotten over it. 

“Something bothering you?” Mark asks as he pulls Chenle in for a hug. 

“I’m fine,” Chenle responds, falling into Mark’s touch, hugging him tightly as if someone is going to rip him from his grasp at any second. 

“Woah,” Mark gasps. “You don’t seem okay, Chenle. Talk to me.”

Mark backs them up onto the couch, Chenle falling on top of him. 

“Talk to me, please?” Mark asks. “I know that you’ve been stressed recently.”

Chenle can’t tell Mark the truth in any capacity, and it’s not like he has time to come up with an elaborate lie either. 

“My boss has been bothering me for the past couple of months,” is what he’s able to make up on the spot. 

“Really?” Mark asks, a protective tone in his voice. He does call Chenle his baby after all—they’ve known each other going on seven years. 

“It’s nothing too serious,” Chenle responds, not wanting to elaborate as there is nothing to further explain. “That along with the wedding planning just has my brain all over the place.”

Mark looks Chenle in the eyes, and Chenle can tell that Mark knows that he’s lying. But Mark being Mark, doesn’t push. 

“Faster! Faster!” Chenle moans out, prompting Donghyuck to speed up his pace as he snaps his hips into Chenle’s. 

Chenle usually doesn’t ask for it rough, but he needs it. The more it hurts, the less he can focus on what’s set to occur in exactly one week. The sound of skin slapping reverberates around the room, their noises loud enough to drown out Chenle’s thoughts about the wedding.

It’s been plaguing his mind, and it being around the corner had made everything so real. The wedding isn’t something in the distant future, a bridge that they’ll cross once they get to it, because they already have one foot on it.

When Donghyuck and Chenle end up in the shower, for once, Chenle isn’t the one crying. At first, he doesn't pay the water running down Donghyuck’s face any mind, just assuming that it’s from the shower head. He only realizes once he sees the tears coming straight from the source, falling from the corners of his eyes and streaming down his face.

Chenle doesn’t ask what’s wrong, just wrapping his arms around Donghyuck’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder.

“I can’t do it, Chenle.”

“What can’t you do?”

“I can’t marry him. I can’t.”

Chenle leans back, looking Donghyuck in his face. He has a lot of things to say; a lot of words of comfort; sweet nothings and mumbles of reassurance that he can give the older male.

But he won’t.

“You’re selfish,” Chenle whispers. “You dragged everyone down with you, and now you wanna jump ship?”

Donghyuck’s eyes widen, as if that’s not what he was expecting Chenle to say.

“For the past year you’ve been making everything so complicated, but you still made your decision. You need to stand on it.”

“Chenle…” The tears start falling down Donghyuck’s face at a rapid pace, and it makes Chenle’s heart ache, but he has to do this.

As Mark’s best friend, he has to do this.

“What?” Chenle asks, tangling his hands in Donghyuck’s hair and forcing them to make eye contact. “Did you think that I was gonna tell you not to marry him? To leave so that you and I can run away together?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer, and Chenle is glad, because it hurts him to do this too.

“It won’t happen, Hyuckie.” Chenle rarely uses pet names or nicknames with Donghyuck, but he does it now to soften the blow. “I’m sorry, but it won’t. I’m already betraying my best friend, and I don’t have it in me to take it even further. I’m sorry, but I don’t love you how you love me. We can’t be together, so I think that you may as well just accept what you have now, because that’s the best that things will get for you.”

Surprisingly, Donghyuck doesn’t fight him on it. 

“Yeah. You’re right.” Donghyuck chuckles, but there’s pain behind it. He rests a hand on Chenle’s hip, and uses the other to lightly grab the younger male’s chin. “I thought that I could fuck you into loving me back. Is the sex not good enough? I have one week left, don’t I?”

Chenle laughs.

“The sex is great,” Chenle responds. “Maybe the best that I’ve ever had.”

Against his better judgement that tells him not to feed into Donghyuck’s feelings anymore, Chenle presses a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“But I could never love someone like you,” Chenle admits. Mark and the real Donghyuck are two different people. Mark is sweet down his core. If you were to tear off every layer of his character—every layer of his being, right in the center you’d see love. Donghyuck on the other hand…Chenle doesn’t know what lies in the middle. Greed? Desire? Envy? Now that he’s in love, he’s gentle; he’s kind and tender towards Chenle.

But he can’t forget how they began. He can’t forget how Donghyuck used to treat him before he genuinely cared about him. How he took advantage of him. How he spat on, and hit, and hurt him. How Donghyuck viewed him as little more than just a moving sex doll. 

And what goes up, must come down; everything that starts, must end. Chenle doesn’t think that Donghyuck will love him forever. There’s no guarantee that he will. And when he stops, there’s no guarantee that things won’t go back to the way they were before.

This isn’t to say that Chenle thinks that he’s innocent—he’s not. He’s been willingly participating in an affair with his best friend’s fiance for over a year now. Donghyuck and Chenle’s relationship has become symbiotic, Donghyuck using Chenle to fulfill his unseen desires in his relationship, and Chenle using Donghyuck to fuck his pain away.

They work for now, but Chenle knows that they can’t work forever. What they have isn’t built on solid ground, a stable foundation. Hell, he and Donghyuck might not even work past next week.

And Chenle fell in love with Mark for many reasons, reasons that Donghyuck is the antithesis of.

Despite Chenle’s own brain spiting him in many ways, betraying him and forcing him to be in love with Mark for going on seven years now, it still won’t sabotage him and allow him to love Donghyuck instead. Maybe that route would lead to more heartbreak—Chenle doesn’t know, and he doesn’t think that he ever will.

“Can’t blame a man for trying, kitty cat.” Donghyuck presses his lips to Chenle’s, kissing him like this is their last time.

Chenle presses the button on the microwave, heating up the food that he cooked right before he showed up. He leans back onto the counter, making sure that everything is in place. The balcony door is slightly ajar, the long curtains swaying as a light breeze blows into the room. The lights of the room are dimmed, and the television plays quietly in the background.

As the microwave beeps, a knock sounds on the door. 

He’s just in time. 

Chenle takes the food out of the microwave, sitting it on top and letting the scent fill the room. 

He rushes over to the door and looks through the peephole, making sure that he’s not about to answer the door looking like this for just anybody. 

Just like he expected, though, it’s Mark. 

Chenle opens the door, greeting Mark with a huge smile. 

“How was work, baby?” Chenle asks, wrapping his arms around the older male’s neck. Mark hugs Chenle back, digging his face into the crook of his neck as he walks them back into the room. 

“It was good,” Mark responds as he pulls away. Chenle helps him take his jacket off, and hangs it on the hook behind the door. 

Chenle follows the mental script that he has for the night, walking over to the microwave and picking up the hot plate. He forgot to bring a towel or mitt to rest it on, so his hands are burning, but for the sake of the fantasy, he doesn’t say anything.

Mark collapses down onto the bed, and Chenle sits next to him, resting the burning hot plate on his bare lap. It’ll probably leave a mark on his thighs, but maybe Mark can kiss it better—for the sake of the fantasy of course. 

Chenle picks up the fork, scooping up some of the food and bringing it to Mark’s mouth, feeding him. The older male nearly moans as he chews the food, causing Chenle to laugh bashfully. 

“It tastes so good, baby,” Mark compliments, running his hand through Chenle’s curly brown hair. 

“I made sure it tasted extra good for you, my love,” Chenle responds, scooping another spoonful and bringing it to Mark’s mouth. 

Mark’s fantasy wasn’t one that Chenle understood at first. He wrote it down, committed it to memory, but it wasn’t until he started physically putting everything together that he understood just what this was. 

After Mark finishes his food, he excuses himself to the bathroom to freshen up a bit, while Chenle gets the next part in order. He pulls the bottle of wine out of the mini-fridge, and sets it on the balcony table, accompanied by two wine glasses. 

When Mark exits the bathroom, Chenle grabs his hand, guiding him to the seat outside, and then taking a seat on the older male’s lap, whining a bit as he shifts to make himself as comfortable as possible. Mark is the one to pop open the cork of the wine bottle and carefully pour some out into their glasses. 

“Thank you,” Chenle says as he picks up the glass, Mark just smiles up at him as he does the same. 

After Chenle takes a sip out of his glass, he takes a look down at his thigh where Mark’s hand is resting, the light of the moon reflecting off of the silver of the band resting on his ring finger. 

Hotel room, red lingerie, fake wedding band. 

This is a mistress fantasy. 

Mark wanted Chenle to be his mistress for the night. 

The older left him to fill in the blanks by himself, left Chenle to understand like he always does. 

It’s somewhat hilarious how differently the couple views Chenle, despite the desires being the same. Chenle is Donghyuck’s daydream. The person that he imagines himself with—wishes that he was able to have in the light. Wishes that he could be with.

Mark views his attraction as something sinful. Something that happens in the late evening, something that will happen in the dark and stay in the dark, not to be addressed again outside of this hotel room. He views this as nothing more than an itch that has to be scratched. A deep rooted desire that he’ll act on once and never again.

“How are things at home?” Chenle asks, swirling around the wine in his glass, watching a small whirlpool form. 

This reality must exist in a different one than their own, Mark because Chenle doubts that Mark would even fantasize about cheating on Donghyuck. In this reality, Chenle guesses that Mark isn’t madly in love with his spouse, and is using Chenle for good, old, escapism. 

“Haven’t had sex in months,” Mark groans. “Feel like he doesn’t want me anymore.”

Chenle giggles fakely, but as cute as possible. “Not a problem, because I’ll always want you.”

“I know you will, my love,” Mark says. “Days at home these days are a trip. I work all day long, and I get that he works too, but I can barely get a kiss. Hell, I can barely even get a conversation. I keep bending over backwards trying to compromise in this relationship, but it’s like nothing sticks.”

Chenle runs his hand through Mark’s newly bleached hair, which is still soft despite being lightened. 

“Well you can talk to me,” Chenle coaxes, trying to make Mark comfortable enough to continue. 

“I can,” Mark says. “Thank you for listening.”

“No problem.” Chenle presses his cheek to Mark’s head. “I’ll always listen.”

Mark squeezes Chenle’s thigh, and then takes a deep breath in. 

“He’s just been seeming so disinterested in me lately. He’s been seeming that way for awhile now, but especially recently. But why now? I’ve devoted so much to this relationship. So much of my emotion—my feelings, my time—my everything to him and this relationship, and I can’t get more than a couple of words a night. I would do anything for him, I’ve done everything that I can for him, but fuck, he’s making me doubt that it’s enough. Like don’t get me wrong, he’s still sweet, which is why I feel like I can’t bring it up. He’s nice, but the spark that we used to have is gone. He’s almost like a roommate these days.”

And this is starting to feel personal—real. This doesn’t sound like Mark making things up off the top of his head to say. It sounds raw. 

Chenle doesn’t know if Mark thought that he’d just write this off as part of the roleplay, and that he’d be too dumb to realize that he’s talking about his real relationship. He also doesn’t know if this is Mark’s way of subtlety coming to him—testing the waters before he tries to genuinely confide in him. 

Either way, Chenle wonders why Mark didn’t think that he could just come to Chenle. Is it because of the perceived friendship that he and Donghyuck have? It would seem like Mark to not want to throw Chenle in the middle of his and Donghyuck’s marital affairs as a seemingly neutral party, but he also wonders if Mark knows that Chenle would always choose him first. 

Always. 

“You shouldn’t give people your all when they can’t even give you fifty percent,” Chenle responds, leaning further into Mark. “There’s people out there who will love you better—love you right. Is this the life that you wanna have? Questioning if they’re all in like you are?”

And Chenle does feel slightly guilty for his words—guilty at his sabotage—but they’re at the bitter end, and Chenle doubts that Mark will take his words to heart. 

He is roleplaying a mistress after all, and those are the words that a mistress would say. 

“And that’s why you have me,” Chenle continues. “I’ll give you everything and more, and you don’t even have to give anything back.”

Mark chuckles, turning his head to look up at Chenle. “I appreciate it, but that contradicts what you just said, doesn’t it? Someone out there could love you better?”

“But it’s different,” Chenle argues playfully. “Because it’s you.”

Once they’re finished with their wine, they both enter the room again, Chenle closing the balcony door behind him. Chenle pushes Mark down on the bed, and smiles as he unties the short, silky, robe that he’s been wearing. He tries not to smile too hard once he sees the older male blush and lick his bottom lick. 

“I’m all yours tonight.” Chenle crawls onto the bed and sits in between Mark’s spread legs. He unzips Mark’s pants and removes them for him. When he sees the outline of his cock through his briefs, Chenle immediately feels himself getting hard. 

But he focuses on Mark, because this isn’t about Chenle right now. 

“I’ll take care of you,” Chenle whispers, kissing Mark’s member through his briefs. “Better than he can.”

And maybe it isn't good for Chenle to shit talk Mark’s fake spouse that is actually his real one, but he can’t find himself caring as he lets the spit drip from his lips, slicking up Mark’s cock as begins to stroke it. 

“Fuck…” Chenle almost wants to laugh at Mark’s guttural moan, but his mouth is too full of dick to make that possible. He takes his time, making sure to lick up every single vein—let Mark know that he’s paying as much attention to detail as possible.

The older male doesn’t grab his hair, doesn’t push Chenle’s head into his groin, forcing him to deepthroat his cock.

He lets him go slow—lets him feel good. And every single moan and whimper sounds like music to Chenle’s ears.

As Mark finishes, he presses his cock to his lips, letting his cum coat his plush, pink, lips like a gloss. Letting it drip down his chin onto the sheets. Smiling like Mark just gave him the best gift of his life—and in a way—he did.

“You’re so pretty.” Mark leans forward, grabbing Chenle’s chin and bringing their lips together. 

“How was I?” Chenle asks as he crawls on to Mark’s lap. “Was I good?”

“Shit,” Mark mumbles between kisses. “Chenle, your lips were made for this.”

Chenle spent days making sure that everything about him was perfect. Exfoliating his lips, putting on masks, just to make sure they were nice and plush for Mark tonight.

“ I was made for you.” Chenle goes all in, and he has no plans to hold back for the rest of the night.

Roleplay after all.

“I think that you were,” Mark replies as he starts to play with the jewel sticking out of Chenle’s butt. The younger male moves his hand to his bottom, pulling the plug out for him. Mark’s fingers immediately circle Chenle’s rim, before he plunges two in. 

“Did you think of me?” Mark asks as he pumps his fingers in and out of the younger male. “While you fingered yourself, did you think of my cock splitting you open instead?”

“I-I always think of you,” Chenle answers. “I think about you opening me up, and I think about you stuffing with me your cock, and I think about you laying me down, and–”

“Fuck,” Mark moans. “Keep going.”

“And I think about you forcing my head into the mattress, and using me like your personal fucktoy. I think of you filling me up with your cum, and using me until you can’t go anymore.”

Mark removes his fingers from Chenle, and guides his cock inside of the younger male. 

“Mark,” Chenle whines. “Fuck.”

Chenle grabs the older male’s hand, bringing it to his stomach where there’s a noticeable bulge.

“Do you feel that?” Chenle asks, gasping softly. 

Mark moans loudly, and a wide smile stretches across Chenle’s face.

“You’re a dream,” Mark moans, grabbing Chenle’s hip and thrusting upwards, making the younger male throw his head back in pleasure.

As nice as it is to hear, that’s all Chenle is to him. A dream. A fleeting one that came to him on one lucky night, and will be gone by the time that the morning comes.

“I’m close,” Mark groans, thrusting up into Chenle faster. “Shit—you’re so tight. I–”

Mark spills inside of Chenle, and rests his head in the crook of the younger male’s neck.

“Did you like that, honey?” Chenle cups Mark’s face, making the older male look up at him. 

He swears that he sees stars in Mark’s eyes, and it makes his heart swell. Chenle doesn’t understand Donghyuck—not one bit.

How could he have this right in front of him, yet love Chenle instead?

“I love you,” Chenle says, pushing Mark back onto the bed. “I’d never treat you how he treats you. The better option has been right in front of you all along, and you still chose him?”

Chenle’s talking shit again, but it seems to be feeding right into Mark’s fantasy—the smile on the older male’s face spreading even wider.

He lays down on top of Mark, soaking up all the older male’s body heat as he presses kisses into his neck. 

“I’d never treat you like that.”

Mark doesn’t know. 

“He doesn’t know how to treasure what’s right in front of him. He doesn’t deserve you.”

Chenle hopes that he never knows. 

Chenle wakes up the next morning to a knock on his door. Neither he or Mark stayed the entire night at the hotel, going for multiple rounds and then packing up and leaving. 

You don’t spend the night with the mistress after all. 

When Chenle opens the door, he’s greeted by Donghyuck. The older male is smiling softly, but tears are streaming down his face. Chenle’s eyes then fall down to his hands, where he sees a white gift bag.

“What?” Chenle’s not able to process what he’s seeing in front of him. 

“You were mad about me ruining my marriage, but you ruined it for me.”

Chenle feels like a knife has been stabbed right through his heart. 

Despite the pain, he still grabs Donghyuck’s arm and pulls him inside, dragging him over to the couch. 

“I ruined your marriage?” 

Donghyuck chuckles before interlacing his fingers with Chenle’s. 

“Mark said that I’ve been acting differently and suspicious lately, and he didn’t want to say anything, but I guess whatever happened between the two of you last night put the battery in his back to say something.”

Chenle swears that he feels his heart clench. 

He didn’t mean…

He just wanted…

“Donghyuck–” Chenle squeezes the older male’s hand, trying to comfort him despite tears spilling out of his own eyes. “I’m sorry.”

The older male laughs at him. 

“You’re sorry? You should be saying ‘You’re welcome.’” He uses the hand that Chenle’s squeezing to pull the younger male into his chest. “You ruined it before I could. I told you that I didn’t want to go through with this, so don’t feel bad.”

Chenle still can’t help but feel like the worst person on the planet, and while he may not actually be the worst, he’s definitely not the best one either. 

“Come on,” Donghyuck says, coaxing Chenle to stand up. “I would hate for this to go to waste.” He dangles the bag in the air. 

So Chenle, like always, allows Donghyuck to drag him to his room. 

“I don’t wanna fuck,” Donghyuck says as he sits them down on the bed. “I just thought that you’d look pretty in this. Maybe prettier than I would’ve.”

Chenle watches as Donghyuck pulls the white pieces out of the bag. “Your wedding lingerie?” 

“Ding ding ding, kitty cat,” Donghyuck answers as he pulls Chenle’s shirt over his head. “This one has quite a few pieces, so be patient please.”

Chenle allows him to pull the bralette over his head, watching as he gently ties up the ribbons hanging off of it. 

Donghyuck dresses him like he always has, taking his time tying up the laces of the short, yet frilly skirt, and lacing up the sheer, white stockings. 

“And this is the final touch.”

Donghyuck holds up a small tiara with a veil attached to it. 

“Can I see it for a second?” Chenle asks. Donghyuck nods, placing it in his hands. 

Chenle takes a moment to admire the fine piece of headwear, before resting it on top of Donghyuck’s head. It’s always him playing dress up, despite Donghyuck being the one who does so in his own home. He’s sort of able to imagine how pretty the older one would look in his own get up. 

“Cute,” Chenle says as he smiles at the older male. 

“It looks even cuter on you,” Donghyuck says as he takes it off of his own head and secures it into Chenle’s hair. 

Donghyuck stands up, and then holds his hand out to Chenle. He takes it, and just follows as the older male guides him over to the full length mirror. 

“Look at yourself,” Donghyuck says as he backhugs Chenle. “Look at yourself, kitty cat.”

Chenle looks in the mirror, and honestly, he can admit that he looks pretty nice. 

Just as Chenle expects, Donghyuck takes out his phone, snapping a couple of pictures of the two of them through the mirror. 

Chenle turns around, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck. Donghyuck does the same, holding Chenle tightly as if he’s going to disappear. 

“I’m leaving,” Donghyuck says. “I’m gonna start moving my stuff out today. And I’m staying with my parents until I find somewhere new. I just feel like I should get the hell out of dodge.”

Chenle figured that he’d do that. 

“So this is goodbye?” Chenle asks. 

“Guess so.”

Chenle sighs, now squeezing Donghyuck a bit tighter himself. 

“I’ll miss you,” Chenle says. 

Donghyuck, the only person who’s been there in some capacity for Chenle in the past year. The person who’s helped him process some of his feelings towards Mark—the one who fucked his pain away when he needed it the most. 

It’s kind of funny—the illicit affair that Donghyuck started in order to preserve his relationship in a sense has completely backfired, becoming the thing to ruin it. 

He took his mind off the prize and fell in love. 

“I’ll miss you too,” Donghyuck responds. “More than you’ll ever know.”

Chenle lets go of Donghyuck, leaning back and looking at his face, where tears are slowly beginning to fall. He wipes them away, before cupping Donghyuck’s face and bringing him in for a passionate kiss. The older male’s hands quickly fall down to Chenle’s waist, stabilizing them as he slightly lost his balance, likely due to shock. 

Chenle runs his hands through Donghyuck’s hair, eventually gripping it and pulling Donghyuck even closer to him. 

And while that was the most passionate kiss that Chenle’s had in his life, he finds himself disappointed once they pull away. 

Because there’s still no spark. Chenle couldn’t trick himself into loving Donghyuck, and he’s still pathetically in love with his best friend. 

“Thank you, Chenle,” Donghyuck says, hands still heavy on Chenle’s waist. “I know that I haven’t been the best to you, but you accepted me, even at my worst. I don’t know what I’ll do without our weekly visits, but I’ll miss you.”

Chenle forces a smile. “Don’t make make cry.”

“I’ve done enough of that, haven’t I?” Donghyuck jokes. 

Chenle rests his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder, savoring their last moments together. 

“I love you, kitty cat.”

“I hope that you find someone who loves you wholly and unconditionally,” Chenle says. He doesn’t know if he truly believes this, knowing Donghyuck’s true nature, but he does wish good things for him. 

They pull away, and Donghyuck holds out a feeble hand. Chenle takes it, knowing that it’s time for Donghyuck to go. 

He walks Donghyuck to the door, and they give each other one last hug, Donghyuck’s hand sliding down and grabbing somewhere that’s a little too inappropriate for the tender minute.

“Sorry, had to,” Donghyuck apologizes. Chenle smacks his arm and lightly pushes the older male away.

“Dirty.” 

And just like that, Donghyuck is gone.

Chenle walks back to his room, feeling extra pathetic. He places the head piece to the side, and then grabs his phone, noticing the two notifications, both from Mark on his lock screen. 

One seems like a text blast with over one hundred numbers in it. 

markie <3

Donghyuck and I regret to inform you all that the wedding has been called off. All registry gifts will be sent back, and all necessary travel costs will be reimbursed. We’re truly sorry, and hope that you can bear with us in this hard time. 

Chenle’s heart hurts for his best friend. He scrolls to the personal messages that Mark sent him. 

markie <3

chenle im so sorry

donghyuck and i called it quits

ig you saw the message already

i’m really sorry for wasting your time

i’m gonna spend some time with my family 

but i’ll explain everything to you after

i’m sorry lele

Chenle places his hand over his chest, feeling like he’s about to start having palpitations from the message. 

Fuck. It hurts so bad. 

Chenle caused this. He caused this on both ends. 

me

i’m sososo sorry markkkk :((

i’m not mad at you

just talk to me when you’re ready

i’ll be waiting for you

ily 

He collapses into his bed, realizing that he’s going to be lonely for a while. Possibly a long while. 

“I’m so fucked up,” Chenle whispers, tossing his phone to the side. “I ruined everything.”

“It’s not your fault,” Mark says. “It was all me, so don’t feel bad.”

When Mark showed up at Chenle’s door, he was relieved, despite the bile rising in his throat juxtaposing that feeling. 

Guilt has been eating him alive for the past two weeks. 

He immediately let Mark in, dragging him to the couch and offering anything that he could possibly want—food, drinks, a blanket. Anything. 

But Mark said that he just wanted to talk.

“Your words just opened my eyes to what I’d been suspecting for the last couple of months.” Mark sniffles. “He told me  that he hadn’t been in love with me for over a year, Chenle. That he didn’t want to hurt me, but he didn’t get how I didn’t see it.”

Because he was in love with Chenle instead. 

“But I guess it was better sooner than later,” Mark chuckles, pained. “Would’ve preferred if he had done so before the engagement so we wouldn’t have wasted all of that time and money.”

“I’m sorry, Mark,” Chenle says, tightening his hug around the older male’s arm. “He didn’t deserve you. You gave him your all.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Mark slaps a hand over his forehead. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes.

“Did you mean the things that you said that night?” Mark asks. “I mean– I meant what I said. I understand if it was just for the night, but I just wanna know.”

Chenle considers lying, because he knows that Mark already has a lot on his plate, and finding out that Chenle is in love with him will only add to the chaos. Especially because of the request. Mark will eat himself alive if he figures out that he asked his best friend who’s in love with him to sleep together. Forced Chenle to take a front seat in watching the love of his life plan a life with someone else. 

Chenle will give Mark anything that he asks for, though, so if Mark wants the truth, then Chenle will give it to him. 

“I meant every single word.”

Mark sighs.

Surprisingly though, he doesn’t react in the way that Chenle thought that he would. Instead, he just rests his head on top of Chenle’s. 

“Maybe I should try loving those who love me for a change,” Mark says. “It’d be a whole lot easier, wouldn’t it, Chenle?”

And Chenle smiles to himself, shutting his eyes. 

“I think so too.”

And for the first time in a long time, Chenle sees a light at the end of the tunnel.