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The alley was, compared to those in hell, relatively clean. That could be because they had a better cleaning system here, the mask festival that was going on, or the rain that had fallen the night before and washed away most of the dirt and bad smells. Either way, when Alastor pushed them to hide behind some boxes outside what looked like a warehouse he didn't hesitate to throw Lucifer to the ground first.
Alastor wished the boxes were taller or had more space instead of having to squeeze over the king. But, if it were wishes, he could either wish that his powers continued to function in the dimension where Lucifer had accidentally sent them or, much better, that he had never ended up in this ridiculous situation to begin with.
“Buy a guy dinner first,” Lucifer complained with a hiss and Alastor rolled his eyes.
“Explain to me again why we're running away instead of defending ourselves,” was Alastor's whispered complaint back.
"Well, I’m not going to leave a trail of death in my wake and you… remind me how your aim went again?” Alastor didn't need to look away from where he was watching the alley to see Lucifer's mocking smile.
Those words hurt his ego. The weight and recoil of the gun was one he had not experienced before. It took him three shots to hit. And besides, the damn thing was shooting lasers . His old business partner, who once forced him to watch a movie that had guns and laser swords in it, would have killed to get his hands on the gun that was now in Alastor's pocket.
Either way. Alastor had done something to get out of the situation. For all the noise about Mr. angelic power and 'I defeated Adam, Bambi, where were you', Lucifer had been dead weight for most of this annoying experience. Which was a shame. Alastor was really curious about Lucifer's reach and power.
Instead of continuing to brood over the same sore spots, Alastor pushed his hand between their bodies searching for the artifact that Lucifer had created that had already made them jump to two other dimensions.
The king was, in some ways, as brilliant as he was ridiculous. Who created a device that looked and behaved like a live snake? A small, dark blue animal with a nice copper-colored pattern that had charged while Lucifer and Alastor were arguing and then fled while the two stunned men realized the change in surroundings. Twice.
"Hey!" Lucifer squirmed and Alastor shushed him.
While keeping his attention at the entrance to the alley Alastor moved his hand looking for the elusive animal. Finally he found it.
“Alastor,” Lucifer's voice was strained. If he didn't want ALastor to rummage through his pants he should have made them leave this miserable place and not put the artifact in his pants. Alastor seemed to have to do all the work around here.
“Silence, I'm working,” he said to him.
It was warmer than he expected and also soft. It shifted in his grasp and Alastor squeezed curiously, moving his hand up and down. The snake jumped again. Alastor considers how Lucifer had petted it and ran his thumb along the side, wanting to calm the little animal. Could snakes calm down? He once heard that reptiles didn't feel emotions. He had also heard that they were very cold and that sensation was transmitted in a slimy sensation that was so unpleasant, although Alastor had never been bothered by it when he was human.
Unlike real snakes this one was incredibly warm. Alastor could almost swear he was getting warmer by the minute. The warmth of Alastor's hand or was he doing something right? The texture was not what he had expected either. How much more should Alastor rub it? Was hereally going to have to take it out? He lowered and raised his hand looking for either the head or the tail of the animal, half prepared to be bitten.
“...It's smaller than expected,” he commented distractedly and looked away to take a look at Lucifer.
Lucifer's face was so red that in his human disguise he seemed to retain the two red spots on his cheek, he was breathing hard and biting his finger hard. Alastor made a half grimace, the threads in his mouth maintaining the smile. Lucifer's rather amused expression changed to a grimace of rage and he shot up with his eyes, his dilated pupil practically flaming with indignation and the disguise he had made burning down like a piece of paper set on fire.
What had he done now?
Today had been a day of unexpected discoveries. First, the contraption he had made while sleep-deprived wasn't supposed to work. He hadn't particularly expected to spend time with the bellhop either. And most of all, he didn't expect Alastor to be the type to push others into an alley for a quickie while they were supposed to be running away.
But to each his own.
And unlike the other unforeseen events of the day, he didn't feel much like complaining about how things were going.
Alastor's hand moved steadily, perhaps a little clumsily, but after only having his own hand and Ozzie's toys the other's grip felt nothing short of divine and his cock responded promptly by getting hard at the gentle pumps and curious about Alastor.
Alastor's thumb stroked along the prominent vein and Lucifer bit his finger to keep from gasping. Alastor didn't seem interested in what he was doing, most of his attention on the entrance to the alley. Nor did he give Lucifer any indication other than to remain silent.
Lucifer took the opportunity to admire the sharp profile. When the glamor settled on the sinner his hair had not remained a strawberry red as he had thought, but a deep, curly brown, his skin, normally gray, a warm color, almost like a tan or a very light brown. It was nice. Alastor must have been a heartthrob back in the day. As for Lucifer…
…If he was honest with himself he was excited to see where this went.
A couple of times he had thought about taking the demon down a notch or not. Maybe he just needed a good spanking on that little bottom. Angel's suggestion of cutting the tension the old-fashioned way with some good hate sex hadn't helped his wandering thoughts. It wasn't something Lucifer thought about often, just sometimes (very occasionally).
Lucifer was adaptable. If Alastor was on board and wanted to take a dominant role Lucifer could allow it for once. Although that would probably make the sinful maniac's ego grow like antlers when he got in a bad mood. Was Lucifer supposed to stop him?
No, he thought as he bit back a moan. I would just tell him it wasn't a big deal.
Alastor finally climbed high enough, his thumb almost stroking the head of his sore cock, but stopped by simply moving it up and down.
“...It's smaller than expected,” he commented as if it were no big deal.
It was like a bucket of cold water on Lucifer.
Or it would have been if outrage had actually extinguished the embers of his excitement.
"Small?" He asked angrily, biting each letter of the word.
Alastor had a small grimace on his face, making his perennial smile look both mocking and confused. That only irritated Lucifer more when Alastor didn't say anything else. It had been a direct insult, not some kind of degradation game that didn't suit Lucifer anyway.
Small.
He turned Alastor with ease, grabbing him by the knees and pulling one of his legs over his shoulder while holding the other on his hip, between their crotches there was no more space to separate them than the fabrics that covered their legs.
“ This seem small to you?” He asked, thrusting his cock against the sinner's groin. Alastor's eyes widened and his mouth opened in the first thing that didn't look like a smile.
Lucifer was the one who smiled dully now, his mouth dry with desire. He couldn't say that it bothered him that their positions were reversed. Maybe Alastor did have to learn his place and Lucifer was a dedicated teacher.
“Sir…” Alastor told him, the red swallowing the warm brown of his eyes as Lucifer moved closer until their lips were almost touching together.
“I will make you regret that insult, Alastor,” he purred, pressing their lips together in urgent interest.
Alastor made a small noise and Lucifer took the opportunity to push his tongue into the other's mouth.
Before Lucifer could begin to truly enjoy the mismatched rhythm of their tongues (Lucifer was beginning to suspect that Alastor was inexperienced), the boxes were pushed aside and Lucifer flinched, allowing Alastor to push him away from him.
“I found them… oh, my apologies,” one of the thugs who had chased them earlier told them. Alastor's hand had gone to the weapon that Lucifer told him was not safe, but before he could do anything the man was walking away, blushing and distressed, from the intimate scene.
"Because…?" Lucifer began to ask, but when Alastor stood up, dusting off his clothes, he realized that they no longer had the glamor on. With the masquerade around, he hadn't recognized them. Lucifer almost wanted to hit his forehead. He may not have had much magic available since it wasn't his dimension and the jumps took quite a bit, but dropping the glamor had been a fairly obvious answer to his immediate problems.
“If you're done with this nonsense, I'd like to go home,” Alastor told him condescendingly.
Lucifer's cheeks burned remembering what happened.
“My nonsense? Who was it that put their hands in my pants?”
“I was looking for the artifact since you seem so determined to postpone and make everything difficult.”
“I'm not the one who made things difficult and if you wanted to so much, why were you grabbing my cock?!”
Alastor froze, taking a step back and wiping his hand on his coat.
“I grabbed a snake,” he assured him. Lucifer raised his eyebrows.
“Is that what they call giving a handjob now? You certainly caught a snake. And not a small one,” he felt the need to insist.
Alastor shifted uncomfortably in his spot, unable to look at Lucifer. “I thought that angels had nothing there,” he said, pointing vaguely in the direction where the snake Lucifer's body was still trapped and hard in his pants.
“Why wouldn’t we have it?!” he asked, exasperated and a little humiliated.
“Why would you?!” Alastor asked with the same exasperation.
They both remained silent, looking at each other. Alastor broke it again after several awkward minutes.
“Can we go home, Your Majesty?” This time it didn't even sound mocking, just a little humiliated too.
With pursed lips Lucifer snapped his fingers and made a blue and bronze snake appear that hissed at him, eager to escape.
“I had it in a pocket dimension so that it wouldn't give us the slip again,” he told him in a neutral voice.
“I see,” Alastor cleared his throat. “I'm sorry for the confusion.”
“It was more than a confusion. Alastor, I don't…” Lucifer felt his temper rise again.
“I'm sorry for hurting your fragile sense of manhood,” he said again, exasperated.
Lucifer pushed him against the wall. “Alastor…” he warned him “I'm not small.”
Alastor very obviously mentally made some sarcastic comments about his height. “I'll take you at your word, Sir,” he said in a neutral voice.
“Alastor…” Lucifer sighed and shook his head. This had been humiliating for both of them. “You know, what? Forget it. Nothing happened. Let's go home"
Alastor had no intention of fixing the problem that he had caused and that was already diminishing and Lucifer suddenly did not want to insist on the clear lack of receptivity.
“Sounds good to me,” Alastor nodded several times. Lucifer infused the artifact with magic, feeling the world begin to spin in bright colors around them and barely heard Alastor’s voice as he continued, “We shouldn’t worry about the small things,” he finished with a slight mockery.
Lucifer was going to kill him.