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Josh has been Tyler's friend for such a long time. They've met as a child and have not been apart ever since. They know everything about eachother by now. Especially when Tyler told him he was bisexual. Which was a hard step for him to take. But Josh supported him no matter what. That's the one thing Tyler's family still knows nothing about. So it's what makes Josh such a good friend.
But one thing still bothers Tyler.. He's unable to tell Josh. Cause Tyler likes him. All those feelings have been kept down ever since. Tyler knows there's no way of telling him. He's straight. He knows it. Otherwise he would've told him... Right?
But still the feelings for him are there. Telling him would make it akward. Then Josh would not be comfortable around him anymore. The friendship would break. What then? He has nobody else. No one he can ever get this close to him anymore. Then Josh would tell anyone his secrets. His family would kick him out for being a disappointment.
All those thoughts would haunt Tyler for the rest of his life. Or he thought so.
Suddenly it hits him.
I could find someone else..
He sat up straight in his bed. Tyler rested his head in his hands. There's this gay club in the city nearby. He thought maybe if he had the balls, and drop the feelings for Josh, he definately can find someone there. Only getting out his comfort zone would be enough.
Then Tyler's thoughts drifted even further.
I could bring Josh..
He thought maybe Josh could be his guardian Angel or something. In case he chickens out. Or gets something with the wrong guys. He immediately grabbed his phone, texting Josh about it.
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Hey Josh, so ive wanted to ask you if you want to come with me to a gay night?
-
Tyler hit send without thinking about it and threw his phone down on the matress.
Ssshit he probably thinks thats weird and akward for him... Maybe be i should delete the text.
He quickly grabbed his phone back. But suddenly his phone buzzed. Josh had already responded.
Tyler now genuinely sweating about the answer he just received. Now opening it.
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Hi Ty! Yeah sure sounds fun. When? ;)
-
Tyler sighed in relief. Alot of weight left his shoulders. He looked it up real quick. Full on examing the website. --there's one tonight..
Was he ready to make that big of a step? Tyler lingered around, biting the skin of his fingers.
He wanted to leave that for Josh to decide, he thought. Maybe he's busy tonight. Tyler decided to just ask him.
-
Great! There's one tonight.. but you dont have to, if your agenda is swamped.. we could always go another time.
-
Maybe thats a bit too much over explaining..
Tyler was still nervous about any response, shaking his leg up and down. But not after much waiting Josh started typing.
The symbol at the bottom kept dissappearing and reappearing.
He definately doesn't want to go, its obvious.. why am i forcing him..?
-
Nevermind.. i'm sorry.
-
He clicked send. Feeling extra guilty now. Everything he send sounded even more worse then the texts before. Tyler regretting even starting the conversation.
His phone buzzed once again.
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Don't be sorry. I really want to go with you. You're my best friend yknow! I'll pick you up around 9. Is that okay with you Ty?
-
A little smile sparkeled up on his face, making him stop overthinking it a bit.
-
Yes that okay. Thank you Josh :)
-
Tyler closed his phone. Laying it on his lap. He looked up at the polaroid wall. Mostly filled with photos of him and Josh. All those photos were taken when he felt the happiest. Josh is really a special person for him. He always knows to cheer Tyler up.
One polaroid was of Josh alone where he was wearing one of Tyler's hoodies. He blushes everytime he looks at it. Suddenly his eyes wondered over the clock besides his bed. It said 8:38.
Tyler's eyes widened. He jumped up and got dressed.
This time Tyler didn't had to worry about dressing normally. He finally could wear something more fitting. He had this small rack in the back of his closet full of actual stylish clothes, instead of hoodies and jeans.
He got a crop top of Nintendo 64 and some baggy jeans.
Getting out of his comfort zone was actually already happening. He put it on and looked in the mirror. At first he smiled widely. As he came closer to the mirror and to put some eye pencil on, he noticed some scars from a while back. They were just poking out from underneath the top. Tyler towed his shirt down. He stepped back and took another look at it. Almost wanting to just put the hoodie back on.
But he heard noise coming from down stairs. The Voice sounded familiar. It was Josh. Tyler was distracted right away. He walked over to the corridor as he saw Josh walk up the stairs. Their eyes locked for a second. Josh widely smiled.
"Tyler.. you look amazing!"
Tyler smiled, slightly blushing.
"Should we get going?"
Tyler waved his hands around.
"Wait, come here."
Tyler pointed at his eye pencil. Josh leaned over a bit. Tyler now laying his hand on Josh's cheek as he lined under his eyes. Sticking his tongue out.
Tyler stops
"Done?" Josh asks.
Tyler looked at how close he actually was, his cold hand perfectly fitting on his warm cheek. Now scanning of his other perfect features. His lips being so close to him. He wanted to kiss them so badly. Till he snapped out of it.
"Y-yeah.. done."
Josh opened his eyes, walking towards Tyler's mirror in his room.
Tyler completely dissociates. Pinching himself for even thinking of doing it.
What is wrong with you?
He thought to himself.
Josh returned. Tyler now also snapping back.
"Looks great!"
Tyler forced out a small grin. He went quiet. Still pinching his arm. Josh did notice. He grabbed both his hands tightly.
"It will be okay, i promise. I'm gonna be with you the whole time."
Still Josh held onto one hand as he dragged him downstairs. Grabbing Tyler's jacket for him.
"Come."
Josh led Tyler in his car as they drove towards the gay club.
Once there they all saw all kinds of people walk inside. Josh saw the nervousness of Tyler. He layed one hand on Tyler's thigh.
"Ready?" Josh asks. As he got the confirming nod from Tyler. Even though he was fiddeling with his fingers. Before Josh opened the door, Tyler started stuttering.
"You know why i wanted to go?"
Josh turned to him again.
"I want to find someone."
Tyler couldn't really get the words out.
"And i kind of.. need your help."
Josh smiled.
"Yeah of course anything for you Ty! I'm here for you."
Josh reached in and carressed Tyler's shoulder. Untill he looked less stressed.
They then decided to go in.
Immediately it was really crowded with people. Most of them dancing everywhere, bumping into eachother, Lights were flickering. And the loud music echooing through the whole room. Josh looked over and saw Tyler, head tilted down, getting already quite overwhelmed by it. Josh grabbed him by the wrist.
"Lets get some drinks." Navigating through the crowd.
Josh found the bar at the end of the dancefloor. They both sat down.
"2 shots please." Tyler began. Josh interrupted right away. "Only one please.. i'm driving. For me just a coke."
Josh opened his wallet popping down the money on the counter. The drinks arriving just then. Tyler shoved it down his throat. Also Josh slowly chugging down his cola. Looking at his friend like a concerned parent.
"You can loosen it up a bit Ty but with caution, okay?"
Josh handed his wallet to him.
"I'll be right back. Gonna take a piss. You stay here."
Tyler swang his fingers around for another round as Josh left.
Josh had to navigate through the crowd again. Seeing all this people felt kind of akward. He was the only straight guy in the building probably. Once he found the bathroom. He took a piss and washed his hands. Next to him there was another guy prepping himself in the mirror. Josh made eye contact for a second.
"Hi" the other person began.
Josh smiled "hey."
"You look stressed about something."
Josh stopped doing anything. And turned towards them.
"What do you mean?"
Josh akwardly tries to brush it off.
"You know exactly what i mean. You are worried about your friend."
"Yes why wouldn't i be?"
Josh started getting irritated. He wanted to leave. He dried his hands and as he was about to leave the guy put his hand on Josh's shoulder.
"I saw you two enter. I thought you were a c
ouple first but then it hit me. A straight guy with his gay best friend."
Josh turned around. His face became visibly red. Still he tried to play dumb.
"Your friend.. he's too focused on his overthinking and anxiety. But for me i see it loud and clear."
Josh nodded confused. He wanted to leave but also hear what they had to say.
"You want him so badly. No straight friend does so much as you do for him. Or am i totally off?"
"I don't want him to be disappointed in me. He has already too much on his mind." Josh responded. Choking back the tears.
"I almost lost him last year. I don't want it to happen again."
Josh left the bathroom, sprinting towards the backdoor. Tears started to roll down his face. He placed his hand to cover his mouth. The thoughts started to race.
Last year was a bit too much for Tyler. His parents were always arguing. Before they split up, things were different. his dad used to be really abusive hitting him, calling him names. Tyler would come up to his room and blame it all on himself. He felt like such a burden. Hurting himself just to cope.
One night last year he ended up in the ER. Cause he tried to kill himself. At that time Josh was busy himself. He wasn't there for him. Till this day Josh wants everything to go well for him. It feels like his only responsibility.
Cause he can't see the boy he loves in pain.
Josh slowly stopped crying. His shaky hands pulled a cigarette from his back pocket. He swore to his parents he'd quit. But why not one more. Just to take the top off, before he gets back inside and pretend everythings great.
He tried to finish it quickly before his concerned feelings started acting up again. He just wants to go home with Tyler and cuddle for the rest of the night. But there's no way cause, everyone is so homophobic and Tyler probably doesn't even like him. Like Josh likes him.
Josh groaned as
he kicked a trashcan.
Why does everything has to be so fucking difficult..
He pushed the cig out on ground and went back in. Wiping the last dried up tears of his face.
His eyes scanning for Tyler. Still, there he was at the bar. Josh looked at the state of him. He looked wasted. He shoved himself through the crowd.
"Hey Ty.. how many have you had??"
Tyler's eyes slowly moved towards Josh.
"Where were you? I've been alone all night."
His eyes started to water up. Josh felt the guilt already coming up.
"I'm taking you home."
Josh grabbed onto Tyler taking him outside.
"I'm sorry i was gone Tyler. I will not leave your side anymore."
Josh caved in and hugged him. The first time in ever he was brave enough to give his friend a genuine hug. A hug he wanted to give a long time ago. And somehow he decides to do it when he's drunk.
Why now? Why not when he's sober? Why are you so scared to look gay? Or so scared to genuinely tell him how you feel.
Josh started tearing up again. Before Tyler collapsed in his arms. He's so worried.
He carried him to his car. Putting Tyler in carefully. Josh buckled him in. Putting his legs and head right so he doesn't fall or something. Tyler's face was burning up. Josh layed his cold hand against his forehead and down to his cheeks. Josh admired how pretty he actually was. His heart started beating faster. His eyes couldn't stop scanning him. His thumb carressed his cheek, as Josh approached closer. Carefully placing a kiss on his forehead.
Josh blushed, quickly getting to the drivers seat.
While driving he held Tyler's hand which was resting on his thigh. He wished to get to look at him forever.
Josh carried Tyler from his car all the way to Tyler's bed. Carefully he layed him down. Throwing the bed sheet over him. Josh was about to leave but stopped. He turned around towards Tyler sleeping. He didn't want to leave. Josh wanted to stay. He just wished he wasn't so scared to share how he really felt especially when Tyler would be sober.
Josh removed his jeans and layed next to him. Snuggeling up to him. His eyes felt heavy. Almost falling asleep spooning each other.
"..Josh?" A quiet voice began.
"Yes Ty?"
It went completely silent for a couple seconds.
"Tyler?"
"Yes Josh?
Both voices sounded so tired. Both really close to falling asleep.
"Can i confess something Ty?"
"Always."
Josh turned around, facing Tyler now. Struggling to say anything at this point. Tyler's eyes slightly opened. So did Josh's.
"I love you Tyler."
Tyler drunkingly smiled. Turning around as he spoke.
"That's funny cause i love you too."
Josh quickly continued before he fell alseep again. This time his voice sounded more awake.
"No but like i love you as in.. i don't ever want to leave your side ever again. I love you as in i am in love with you."
Josh was astounded by the way he said this all sober. Even though Tyler isn't going to remember any of this.
"I am in love with you too, Josh."
Then Tyler drifted off. Josh was even more shocked.
"What was that Tyler?"
He chuckled nervously.
Josh he's drunk of course he doesn't mean it.
Josh stared at the ceiling. He was worried. But he didn't know why. Looking around the room. Of course his eyes layed on those polaroid photos. He smiled.
No matter if he likes me or not. I'll be forever with the boy of my dreams.
Josh looked over at his pretty boy and snuggled up to him again. Falling asleep almost immediately.
The next morning Josh woke up by Tyler sitting on the side of the bed.
"Tyler are you okay?!"
Tyler hissed.
"Yes just a hangover. Good morning."
Josh jumped out of the bed.
"Should i get you a paracetamol and some water?"
Tyler looks up and down. A bit confused why Josh is such in a rush.
"Did something happen last night?"
Josh bit his lip. Akwardly looking around the room.
I can't straight up tell him. What if he gets upset he confessed something he shouldn't have. I don't know if i should leave it or say something.
"No.. what do you remember of yesterday?"
Tyler tried his hardest to remember at least something.
"You went to the bathroom never came back and then i was here."
Josh felt himself sink through the floor.
Is he still upset about it?
"I-i didn't leave you. I was gone for half an hour but i came back, i promise."
Tyler took a good look at Josh. Squinting his eyes even.
"Something was said to you. You could've just tell me you know."
He continued massaging his headache away somehow. Before beginning again.
"Okay last question untill you can get my water."
Tyler locked eyes with Josh who was clearly sweating it. Patting down on the bed. Ordering Josh to sit next to him.
"Did i say something that might've upset you? Cause you clearly still are."
Tyler grabbed Josh's hand. Not breaking eye contact.
"Be honest with me here."
A million thoughts raced through Josh's mind.
I should really say it. Tyler knows when i'm lying.
"Tyler.. you said.. you were in love with.. me."
Tyler's eyes widened. He was totally speechless. His cheeks turned red. He removed his hands from Josh's.
"I-i did?"
The whole room was filled by a heavy silence. Actually a couple minutes passed of scared to even look at each other. Josh broke the silence.
"I mean you were drunk.. i get it. Everyone says dumb things when they're drunk. Water you said right?"
Josh was almost at the door untill Tyler held his hand back. Josh caved in and sat back down.
"Josh please don't hate me."
Josh was really nervous. He swallowed loud. Tyler was finding the best words to confess this gently.
"I do love you and i get if you dont want to be my friend anymore and i'm sorry i've been such a bad friend recently. I just really care about you but i dont think i have the balls to anything to you. I am so anxious all the time."
So many words spilled out at the same time. Tyler prepared for the worse. He was ready to hear it all.
"I kissed you. On your forehead. When you were passed out. Because i don't want any people to know that i liked you for my whole life."
Josh stared down to his own feet. Unable to move. Both of them still not believing eachother.
Agains the silence returned. This time nobody spoke up about it. Only Tyler was the only one looking at the other.
Untill one still decided to talk.
"Soooww.. you kissed me on my forehead."
Tyler trying to get his attention.
"Want to try something else?"
Josh immediately turning his head back towards Tyler. His eyes going from the others eyes to his lips and back.
Tyler moved closer his hands reaching in for Josh's pretty face. Untill their lips met.
Josh placing his hand on Tyler's hips as Tyler climbed on top of him. Josh backed away for a second.
"What are you doing Ty?"
Josh looked anxious. But somehow Tyler wasn't at all. Josh took all his anxiety away from him. He felt loved by Josh. He is going to be Josh's and Josh only.
"I'm making out with you dumbass."
Tyler deepend the kiss. Even adding his tongue. His mouth moved from Josh's lips towards his neck. Teasingly sucking it.
Tyler felt Josh's member grow in the boxers underneath him. As he placed more kisses on the mouth of Josh, his hips started moving. Creating friction between their groins. Josh was trying suppress any moans but as soon as Tyler started making noise he was past that worry of keeping quiet. Both were so focused on the friction they forgot about the rest.
Suddenly Tyler pulls down his jeans and boxers. Revealing his aching boner. Oozing for release.
Tyler and Josh were both so worked up they started panting.
"I want you inside of me"
Josh said under his breath.
Tyler ripped of Josh's boxers. Seeing his cock already leak pre cum.
"Lets see if you can handle my fingers first."
Tyler grabbed the lube from his night stand. Using it on 2 fingers.
Now he slowly let one finger in. Josh didn't hiss out of any pain whatsoever. So Tyler put another finger in. Josh let out a loud moan.
"I want you, Ty."
Tyler nodded in pure lust. Grabbing a condom also from his night stand. He put it around his cock and really carefully inserted it in. Josh hissed for a second. But was completely overwhelmed by pleasure.
"More.. please.."
He sped up he process. The hand of Tyler stroked Josh's cock along the pace. Making it easier for them both to cum.
Both of them filling the room with moans.
Tyler was getting tired. But tried to keep up untill. Josh started making even more noise.
".. i'm so close Ty."
Tyler sped up the pace even more. Making himself reach climax too.
"Let's fucking cum together.." Tyler panted. They both screamed their moans out. As they both released their liquid.
"Fffuck." Tyler panted. Being completely out of breath.
They both catched their breath. Tyler kissed Josh on his cheek once more before cleaning up.
"You did so good.. boyfriend"
Tyler winked at Josh as he still was speechless.
"I love you so much."