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It took a while for Tomoe to understand his new role as a human. For a long time, he missed being immortal. He missed the power he had and the pride he felt in his own capabilities. He missed creatures fearing him, and the satisfaction that would come with it.
Being a human wasn’t as easy as he thought; he had falsely believed that he understood humans through the duration of his relationship with his beautiful wife Nanami. Nanami had shown him the beauty of humanity and he believed in it more and more the farther in love he fell with her. He had falsely assumed she had taught him everything there is to know about being human, but in reality, he had only learned all of Nanami’s beautiful version of humanity.
The transition was proving to be incredibly difficult for him, but he doesn’t regret his decision at all. Before marrying Nanami, the two of them had discussed what a future would look like for them, a human girl-turned-god and a fox demon. It seemed there were two options: Nanami becomes an immortal god permanently, or Tomoe becomes human. The idea of becoming human terrified Tomoe and the temptation to live for hundreds of years with the love of his life was strong. But, he saw the way Nanami interacted and how much she treasured human beings. He knew her tone had slightly shifted when the idea was first brought up, and he knew that she would agree to becoming immortal if that was what Tomoe wanted.
Despite his fears, he made his decision the night they first discussed it. He wanted to do whatever he could to make Nanami her happiest, and if that meant being human, then he was excited to bear it. For her, he would do anything. Even if it meant they would die one day, as long as she stayed by his side, he was fearless.
When Tomoe revealed that he wanted to live the rest of his life with her, as a human, Nanami’s face displayed a level of joy that was new to him. He had seen her in every emotional state possible, each one only kindling his fondness for her. When he realized he was in love with her, all of her emotions became his. She was a whole world of things that Tomoe had never heard of, and the newness of her mere identity felt like a blanket that was always wrapped around him. Her heart was his, and everything she felt, he felt too. The joy that emanated from Nanami’s body as she heard he wanted to be human was incomparable to anything leading up to that moment. For a moment, he was no longer terrified. He was excited and overjoyed that his girlfriend was so happy.
As soon as Tomoe revealed his decision, she crawled across the bed they were sitting on and kissed him with fervor. She kissed him long and hard, expressing her love and gratitude in every passionate touch. She kissed his face all over, leaving no patch of skin untouched. Tomoe couldn’t help but blush, his whole face hot as she pressed kisses all over his cheeks and forehead. In an attempt to hide his blushing, he led her lips back to his, hoping this would distract her until he calmed down—and it did. Eventually, Nanami broke away, lips slightly swollen and cheeks tinted red.
“Tomoe, thank you,” she said, smiling in her usual Nanami way. She knew. Of course, she did. She could read him easily; she knew his decision was for her, and her heart welled up at the thought of his sacrifice. For her , he was doing this. “I love you, Tomoe,” she followed up, softly.
With one look at Nanami’s tender smile and the magical three words, his face was as hot as before, this time he was unable to hide from it. Nanami’s smile only grew as she saw the redness appear, and she leaned forward again to capture his lips with hers.
A couple of months later, he became Tomoe Momozono, marrying Nanami and officially becoming a human man.
The two of them have been married for a year now, and Tomoe still struggles daily with certain human behaviors. He’s certainly improved over the last year, but unfortunately, being human and understanding how to exist as one is not something that can happen quickly and easily. There were times Tomoe failed desperately, feeling utterly worthless until his beautiful wife would come along, pick him back up, and make him feel strong and loved. She is his rock. His person. He would continue to sacrifice everything for her until the day he died. She was the reason he kept going.
Nanami was so patient with him. She saw how frequently he failed and not once did she ever doubt him or think any less of him. She knew he was strong and she hoped that she was strong enough to pick him up and let him go at it again.
Tomoe had learned a lot about socialization over the last year. He learned how to make steady conversation with someone without it coming out like a threat or a tease. He struggled a lot with not sounding angry when he spoke, which cost him lots of positive interactions. He unintentionally upset many restaurant staff and even scared Nanami’s friends on occasion.
They won’t lie and say it didn’t cause disturbance in their relationship occasionally, but they always met in the middle eventually, and they would spend the rest of the day in their room reminding each other how in love they were.
Finding a job is hard. He finally gets one, a low-paying desk job at some corporation he can’t be bothered to remember the name of. Nanami is so proud of him. He has been trying so hard to be good for her and his attempts do not go unnoticed. Tomoe still has his bad days but Nanami is always there at the end of the day to pick up his broken pieces. He will never understand how she came to love him. Some nights Tomoe is up and stuck circling fears that he is making all of this up.
Tossing and turning and biting his nails that have grown out again, he worries himself into a spiral that she will one day realize how terrible he is and leave him. Despite being human now, he can’t bring himself to regret his past actions toward humans, and that scares him. Does it scare Nanami, too? What’s stopping him from waking up one day and realizing he is still a demon and his memories of Nanami were merely a dream?
He’s been left once before, who’s to say it won’t happen again?
“I’ll always be here,” Nanami whispers next to him.
“Was I speaking out loud?” Tomoe panics.
“No, I just know you.”
She pulls him into her chest and cradles his head. The action means more to him than she will ever know.
—
“Nanami!” Tomoe comes home one day, yelling in fear. This happens sometimes, he comes home worried that she is gone, but this time it was different. His fear was elsewhere.
Nanami, quick to find him at the door runs up and kisses him. “I’m still here,” she says.
“I need to quit my job,” he says suddenly.
“...What?”
“I need to quit. Right now. I’m going to do it tomorrow. I was too stunned today to say anything but I should have quit right there on the spot,” he rambles, pacing back and forth.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Nanami whispers as she grabs his arms and forces him to stop and look at her. “What happened? Are you alright?”
“No, I’m really not. I received the worst news today.”
“Okay, okay, don’t worry. Sit down and talk to me.”
Growing ever more concerned with each passing second Nanami holds his hands tight as she sits and waits for him to explain.
“Nanami, oh, it is terrible! They told me I’m doing an excellent job at work! So much so that they are giving me a raise!” He exclaims.
A confused smile grows on her face.“My love, that’s amazing news! What are you talking about? This is great for us! Maybe we can finally start a family or–”
“No,” he cuts her off. “It is not good news.”
Nanami laughs again. “Tomoe, are you messing with me?” Amused, she meets his eyes and realizes he is not joking. His face is filled with fear. She scrunches her eyebrows and her smile disappears. “Okay, tell me why this is bad.”
“Because” he groans, “in order to accept the position I have to attend a two-week training camp in Kyoto.”
Nanami searches his face for any sign that he is joking, but there is none. It only takes a moment to realize why he doesn’t want to.
“You’re scared,” she says, softly.
Tomoe just looks at her.
“You’re scared because I can’t come with you.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“But that's okay, right?” she says. “You’ll get to experience new things! You’ll meet new people, and hopefully meet some coworkers you can get along with. I’ll be fine here by myself. I have my business, Ami is a phone call away, and I’m sure Mizuki will gladly come to visit and check up on me if you’re that worried”
“Don’t you dare let that dumb snake into the house,” he says, rolling his eyes. Nanami chuckles, glad that even in his worried state he stays the same.
“Besides, it's not you who I am worried about…” he continues.
Her gaze softens. “Tomoe…,” she whispers, pulling his forehead so it rests against hers. Without even saying anything, she knew what he was afraid of. “I am not going anywhere, I promise” she whispers in his ear and kisses his forehead. “I will still be here when you come back.”
It’s no secret that Tomoe has abandonment issues, and intense ones at that. As he has fallen in love with Nanami, his fears about her leaving were amplified. Coupled with his self-hatred, he was always on edge about things going wrong for him once again. He had no right to be taken care of and loved by this girl. If he leaves, he may come to find out it was never real.
She crawls into his lap, legs wrapped around his waist so that she can be close to his face. “I love you,” she says placing a kiss on his forehead. “That hasn’t changed and it never will,” she says while peppering his face with a kiss between each word. Tomoe’s face is flushed red, he will never get used to her endless and open affection.
“I can’t force you to go on this trip, but I want you to know it would make me very happy to see you step out of your comfort zone. And I promise, I will be right here when you get back. I will buy you a cell phone and teach you how to use it and we will talk every day. Okay?”
Tomoe looks at her, not wanting to concede. But how could he say no when she looked at him so lovingly, so confident that everything would be okay?
He nods, slowly. Okay. I trust you.
“Good boy,” Nanami teases and pats him on the head. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be here.”
—
It’s the morning of Tomoe’s departure, and his anxiety levels are as high as can be. He and Nanami are walking to the train station not far from their home. The two are walking in silence, holding hands. Hers are soft and warm, a stark contrast to his long cold fingers. He looks over at her. Nanami is as calm as ever. She is carrying his peace and will relent it to him when he is willing to accept it back.
“Thank you, my darling,” He says to himself. “I will be okay. You don’t have to pretend you aren’t worried for me much longer.”
The two of them arrive at the station and Nanami squeezes his hand before letting go, only to pull him into a tight hug.
“You’re going to have a great time. I know it. It will be all worth it,” she whispers into his neck.
Tomoe squeezes her against his body and inhales her scent. While he is no longer a fox, his sense of smell is still acutely defined, and the smell of Nanami’s shampoo and soap overwhelms him. They wrap around him and sink into his clothes and skin. He is glad he will be carrying that part of her with him; a part that no one else can claim.
Tomoe pulls away from her arms and a look passes between them. A look of knowing, of comfort, of peace that everything will be okay.
“I love you. More than anything” Tomoe says. He kisses her before she has a chance to say it back. “I will be back soon. And I will try to make friends,” grumbling the last part.
She laughs, and tears warm her eyes. She says nothing as he waves goodbye and boards the train. She waves back, a smile resting on her lips. “I’ll see you soon!”