Chapter Text
Younghyun takes another sip of the canned beer in his hand. Despite the cool night breeze, he's starting to sweat. He eases his tie, folds his sleeves up his elbows, and folds his right leg upward. If anyone see him now, he would look closer like any troubled student than a distinguished professor.
He looks out at the vast field in front of him, with little patches on the sides lit by the distant streetlights. Leaning on a concrete column, he sits on the edge of little stage in one of the ends of the field. The stage is so small that he would hear if students were making out on the other side of it. But tonight was quiet, as if everyone was warned beforehand that a professor would get himself a little wasted tonight.
At this exact time and date.
On the left and right sides of the field from his point of view stand two identical buildings. The right one is lit with warm Christmas lights even in the middle of February, while the left one is barely illuminated by a few streetlights. He smirks at the comparison.
Younghyun teaches at the building on the left side but he had always dreamt of being a student on the bright building on the right side. College of Law, he whispers to himself.
Younghyun remembers his final years in high school, how he pestered his parents with the idea of adding five more years to his academic life, reminding his dad every single time that he has to save more for tuition fees beyond college. He remembers how he annoyingly bragged to his classmates about his elaborate plans of that lawyer every corrupt guy would be afraid of. He remembers how he used to plot the next decade of his life – the degree he would study, the university he would get into, the dormitory where he would live, and the person he would live with.
He could say everything he wanted came true. His parents were able to get him a comfortable living space near campus. He graduated Political Science with Latin Honors at his dream university. Everything came true, except for being with that one person he wanted to be with during his most colorful years.
Sungjin was his best friend since they were in kindergarten. Technically, they only became friends halfway through elementary school, as they were mortal enemies during childhood. They were both active and loud as kids but their interests are so different. Adults claimed that it had been inevitable for them to clash when put near each other, so they were always placed in different classes.
They finally reconciled in third grade. Sungjin and Younghyun were playing basketball with their respective classmates as teammates. It was sort of a bet on who would keep the pride as the strongest class among their grade level, and those two classes would always win alternate sports. Sungjin's class had already won football while Younghun's class won volleyball.
Younghyun remembers how the game got heated. He had the ball but Sungjin suddenly dashed in front of him, stole the ball, and dunked it within a second. Younghyun still hasn't processed Sungjin's move when the latter started mocking him, bumping their chests to prove that he caught him off guard. Of course, Younghyun could not let it pass. A second later, Sungjin was on the ground with Younghun grabbing his collar, pushing him down, and punching him across the shoulder. To this day, Younghyun still remembers how he was scared of punching Sungjin's face lest he makes him bleed.
Nevertheless, the fight got more intense and at one point, they could not see where their body parts were hitting as their classmates got involed. The two of them ended up in the principal's office that afternoon, with bandages on their faces and limbs and Sungjin still containing his nosebleed.
They were forced to make up the following week as they got stuck with each other doing community service. The principal made them sweep the admin offices, refill empty coffee shelves in the faculty rooms, and help some teachers check test papers.
One day, someone started leaving cheese crackers on Younghyun’s desk. He could not figure out who was doing this every lunch time and he thought it was another secret admirer who did not do their homework properly. When he found out one afternoon that Sungjin sneaks in their classroom to leave the crackers, Younghyun cornered him and clarified that he prefers chocolate wafers instead. Apparently, Sungjin felt guilty about provoking Younghyun during the basketball game and sent those crackers as a truce.
They slowly started hanging out after that. Sungjin would give Younghyun chocolate wafers, and Younghyun would share his drinks. The two of them would sometimes eat together during lunch until their respective friend groups merged together.
Everyone in that friend group went on their own paths in high school, but Sungjin and Younghyun stayed with each other. As loud as they were, they also graduated top of their classes. They got into a prestigious high school and got closer over the next few years. Looking back, Younghyun thinks they got too close for their own good.
Younghyun was still a girls magnet during high school, but he never really had an interest in going out with one of them. He would rather tag Sungjin along after class and play with his game console at home. They spent too much time together, with them sticking with each other everytime they had to work in pairs and almost spending more time in each others' place than their own.
It was a comfortable life during high school, until Younghyun realized why he wanted to have Sungjin always by his side. It did not really come as a big realization; he just woke up knowing one day during their third year and that was it.
One day at Sungjin's house, they were eating kimchi noodles prepared by Sungjin himself. They were sipping quietly while watching a television series when Younghyun decided to blurt out, "You know, I think I like you."
"Of course you do," Sungjin answered in a beat, eyes not leaving the television. "Or else you wouldn't be here eating my noodles."
Younghyun just stared at him. So much for confessing, he thinks.
"I like you too, jerk," Sungjin continues, "'cause you jack up my grades when we pair up." Sungjin finally looked at him and laughed.
Younghyun tried to laugh but ended up choking. Sungjin scrambled to sit closer to him.
"What happened with you?" Sungjin asked, soothing Younghun's back.
"That's what you get–" Younghyun coughed, "–for joking about my feelings."
Sungjin stares with his head tilted, a question mark on his face.
Younghyun laughed at his face. "I said I like you, right?" Silence. "I mean, same way how those girls like me."
It was Sungjin's turn to choke.
Younghyun finds it funny how he still has that moment memorized. But it would be weirder if he doesn't, because that was the same day they decided to be boyfriends, a concept so alien to everyone else that they hid their relationship.
Three years later came their final year in high school. Younghyun thought he had everything planned out, that he was going to the same university as Sungjin and that they were finally going to live together under the guise of just being roommates.
But there was something Younghyun forgot to account for, that Sungjin was more ambitious than him.
While Younghun's parents could support anything he wanted for his academics, Sungjin lived with his grandmother and had to fend for himself most of the time. He lived with the crumbs his father would give him in the name of child support. During the final years of high school, he would skip on game sessions with Younghyun and instead turn to tutoring elementary students for extra cash.
So when an incredible opportunity for college appeared, Sungjin could not pass on it. He got a scholarship for an engineering degree in one of the Ivy League universities.
Younghyun only found out about this weeks after Sungjin received the acceptance letter. One afternoon, Sungjin invited Younghyun for dinner with his grandma. Sungjin was cooking at the kitchen while Younghyun entertained his grandma.
She was letting him pick a book from the shelves to read with her when a piece of neatly folded paper fell from a thick Greek mythology book. Younghyun picked it up and read it out loud, his smile faltering as he processed every word. Sungjin heard him and froze.
When he finished, Younghyun carefully folded the paper and inserted it back inside the book. "So you're going?" he asked, staring at Sungjin's back.
Sungjin turned off the stove and set a plate for his grandma on the table. Afterwards, he took the book from Younghyun and pulled him to his room.
Younghyun could not remember this moment as clearly as he could the confession scene. It just feels like a montage from a silent film when he thinks of it, them raising their voices while crying with each other. Younghyun wanted to know why he was not let in with his boyfriend's plans, and Sungjin said that he did not know how to tell him.
They promised they would sleep it out before having a serious discussion, but Younghyun woke up with the same aching feeling he had the previous night.
Sungjin went over Younghyun's house early that morning to walk with him to school, but Younghyun stopped him.
"Let's break up."
Silence. Sungjin’s eyes were blank.
"Let's break up," he repeated, "for real."
That morning, Younghyun did not look back.
Admission results got out and graduation was near. Everything Younghyun wanted, he got. His dream campus, dream degree program, even his dream living conditions, everything was given to him. And he tried his best to act like he did not lose one major thing.
Both Younghyun and Sungjin were awarded the gold medal so they sat a few seats away from each other, never talking nor even looking at each other. Everyone was perplexed with the two of them, but everyone knew better than to prod.
After the ceremony, they never saw each other again.
It has been 15 years since, and with time came changes.
Younghyun did not pursue law and instead went deeper into the academe. He is set to receive his doctorate by the end of the semester, be promoted to full professor by the end of the year, and is candidate to be the next chairperson of the Political Science Department.
With his plate full, his love life is the last of his concerns. Or at least he pretends it to be.
His dating life during college was colorful especially with all the freedom in the world given to him. His friends would comment on how he was never single for a considerable amount of time until his last break up seven years ago, the same time he started coming to this place onthis exact day.
Younghyun remembers another thing tonight.
He remembers how he and Sungjin used to come here, their, no, his then dream university during the last year of high school. They would eat in well-known dining areas, visit museums, stroll by the gardens, and just imagine what university life would look like.
The field has always been a famous site to the public. Crowds would flock during the afternoons, but Sungjin and Younghyun often stayed until the night to feel the breeze and gaze at the lights, especially that ever-the-same bright building. They would bring snacks and soft drinks and set up a small picnic on the stage, then they would imagine themselves going to the same law class and attending the same mock trials.
Younghyun remembers Sungjin say one night, "What if for our anniversary each year, we could just do a picnic like this here?"
His back was leaning on Sungjin's chest and he could feel the vibrations when his boyfriend would talk. "That would be cool, though."
"Just cool?" Sungjin asked, his voice muffled with the sandwich they brought. "I thought you'd be excited."
Younghyun sat up and faced Sungjin. “I am excited,” he pointed to his smile. "See?"
Younghyun remembers this exchange all too well, since Sungjin laughed the loudest and suddenly stole a peck on his lips. How could Younghyun forget his first kiss?
And so tonight on February 13, the same day each year for seven years now, Younghyun sets up his mini picnic on the stage. He consistently brings three cans of beer each year. He convinces himself that the number does not mean anything, but maybe it does, for those years he and Sungjin were together.
This night feels heavier than the previous ones, though. He's much more tipsy, probably because of the stress accumulated from those months of wrapping up his dissertation. And weirdly enough, he has been thinking more of Sungjin recently.
Younghyun breathes deeply and he smells the afternoon rain on the grass. He pinches his cheek and runs his palm through the rough floor of the stage. He leans his head on the cold concrete column and reminds himself to stay in the present.
Younghyun's senses must be working double time when he hears a scratch on the other side of the stage followed by a click of a lighter. He smells cigarette smoke. It’s probably just a student, he thinks. Until he hears it.
"I didn't know you'd be here."
Younghyun freezes.
"It's nice to see you.”