Archive of Our Own

🎧 君と過ごして、良かったと思う
不思議な願いは僕も同じだよ
i'm grateful that i get to be with you
and that your mysterious wish is the same as mine

"I got two tickets because I know you like this group," Maomao had said two weeks ago, handing off the printed ticket offhandedly, effortlessly cool and unbothered as always. "I know you're free next Saturday, and so am I - we should go."

Right now, in the present, Xiaolan turns over the ticket in her hands and holds back a giggle behind her lips, eyes soft as she takes in the sight of Maomao dozing off on her shoulder.

...yes, Xiaolan did like this group - but her bias was one of its older members, a sweet guy with kind eyes who embodied every acting gig he got. Everyone calls him da-ge because he's such a reliable, constant presence, always promoting the group on the variety shows and actor awards shows he gets onto, still managing to perfectly pull off his lines and dances with the group even when he has to be whisked away for months for some drama taping or another.

And he's not the one Maomao was thinking about when she set her eyes on this event, no, not at all!

-- Chat with "bug squad 🐞" (Shisui): --

The event they currently had tickets for, the one that late riser Maomao had forced herself awake to catch the first train to Xiaolan's bus stop for, is an event that required someone to buy not just the group's last two albums, but also required someone to maintain a paid subscription to a certain radio show.

A radio show hosted by two of the younger members, one of them being a certain man who calls himself "Jinshi"...

Now, Jinshi's a devastatingly pretty guy - everyone who knows this group knows at least that - but he's definitely not Xiaolan's bias, at all!

By the way, Xiaolan's bias guest-stars on the radio show hosted by Jinshi and their other member Rikuson, once in a blue moon, when he has a drama to promote or a movie to talk about. But on those moments she relies on sharing Maomao's totally premium, definitely subscribed account.

Maomao, the same Maomao that does not care for the Internet and social media, made an account from scratch, even set up an auto-debit arrangement just so she can listen to this radio show on her earbuds while her phone is locked.

This same Maomao even lines up for idol merch alongside Xiaolan now. Xiaolan can't use her as extra merch pulls though, because Maomao now always buys the deep violet equivalents to the chocolate brown member-specific merch that Xiaolan buys herself. She even accompanies Xiaolan when she trades with other fans, searching for people who could exchange the warm maroon she usually pulls for the violet that brings the tiniest of lights to shine in her eyes.

Xiaolan will admit that she definitely 100% did push off the first of the line of dominoes that led them here, though. It was her who bought that ticket so Maomao can also come with Xiaolan to one of her bias' idol group's concerts, because "it's the least I can do after all the help Maomao gives me" and "Maomao should have more hobbies that aren't plants and poison!", amongst other things. Back then, Maomao had also been nodding along sleepily - apparently she always just keeps her Friday nights open so she has time to sort out the stuff she'd foraged during the week.

Even with all this working against her, Xiaolan still remembers that sudden hushed intake of breath she'd heard from her right side, almost hidden within the crowd's collective gasp, as Jinshi took to the stage for his solo dance performance.

Jinshi was wrapped up in delicate silks and sheer scarves, whirling around the stage with a grace that captivated everyone who saw it. Xiaolan had seen this performance before - perfect, as per always - so she'd followed her gut instinct and watched Maomao beside her instead.

And what she saw there astounded her.

Maomao - who'd always quietly listened when Xiaolan talked on and on about her idols and their group, who'd always looked over the attractive faces with almost zero interest - was now watching Jinshi dance in front of the moon projected on the screen behind him, watching him like he'd hung up the very stars in the sky.

It sounds impossible but how else is Xiaolan supposed to describe the glimmer high in Maomao's observant eyes, the glimmer Xiaolan only ever saw her hold this fervently when it came to interesting mushrooms and new blends of herbal tea?

So Xiaolan watches, and watches, and quickly pretends she wasn't watching anything in the first place when Maomao grounds herself back into the present.

During their post-concert midnight snack, Xiaolan calmly asks Maomao how she felt about the entire concert. She innocently nods along when Maomao mumbles something about things being "decent".

Xiaolan nods along and lets her evade the question as if she hadn't witnessed Maomao's epiphany happen in front of her own two eyes.

Maomao listens when Xiaolan talks about the members and their respective solo performances, and Xiaolan pretends she doesn't notice how Maomao leans forward just the barest bit when she talks about Jinshi and his well-loved celestial deity dance routine.

Because Xiaolan may have her well-deserved reputation as a gossip, but it's the first time she's seen her friend pay this much attention to other people.

And if Maomao, for some godforsaken reason, wants to take this faint glimmer of innocent attention and admiration to her grave, Xiaolan will gladly support her.

"We're here, Maomao," Xiaolan says gently, tucking Maomao's hair behind her ears so she can see those sleepy eyes open wide. She blinks once, twice, and looks back at Xiaolan with a poker face the younger girl has come to associate with "Maomao being fond".

"Thanks for waking me, Xiaolan." Maomao says, stretching her legs out as far as bus seat legroom would let her. "I am not looking forward to standing in that line for the next few hours."

"It's not that bad, we've been in much longer lines before." Xiaolan says, after taking note of the line outside winding around the event hall near their bus stop. "Do you remember the merch drop they had a month ago? The one with the lucky draw? That line was horrible!"

"Shisui said the same thing, too." Maomao sighs. "She clung to me the whole day, whining about how I didn't go do the draw with you. Sorry I wasn't able to go then, I was, well, occupied."

"Aw, no biggie, we had enough pulls to trade for da-ge and...yeah." Those Jinshis she'd traded for were going to be a surprise gift, Xiaolan's saving them from after the meet-and-greet session because who knows how that's going to go, it's always better to end the day on a high note. She decides to change the topic, instead. "How was the harvest?"

"We had some bai dou kou, like I was looking forward to, but...we had more of the zhi ban xia than I thought we would. My old man said I planted too much and didn't need to add anymore, and I'd pulled enough roots to see...well, he's not wrong." Maomao ponders, her other hand in front of Xiaolan as the bus came to a sudden stop. "I want to get some trellises so I can grow some lei gong teng next time. But for now, we just left the ginseng in so it gets the time to grow bigger without anything else taking the nutrients from the soil..."

Time flies when Xiaolan has all of Maomao's plant adventures to listen to, even if it's not anything she really understands. There's something about how her voice just comes to life when it comes to talking about what she loves, and people call her a weirdo for that but who cares? Xiaolan's just happy that Maomao likes sharing her life's work with her like this, and anyone who doesn't appreciate that isn't worth Maomao's time, in her own opinion.

So she listens along to how Maomao thinks she should study up how to properly process the zhi ban xia, and how there weren't enough dead trees for her to extract bai mu er from. The line starts moving somewhere along the time when Maomao shifts to talking about what plans she had in mind for when they harvested the ginseng next time, and it goes on until they approach the front of the event hall and get given a couple of forms to fill out.

Well, not really just forms. It's a radio show, they'll be recording a radio episode live during the event. Xiaolan perks up - ahh, it's because they'll be on one of their tour stops next week, it gives them an extra episode! Xiaolan can't say she's written into their radio show before - maybe once or twice when her bias was a guest? But she never got read, so it's really nothing for her to write home about. Under the space for "radio name", she writes her name in small, tidy writing.

She looks at Maomao, mouth opened on the beginnings of "how's your form?", only to catch a glimpse of Maomao's larger, looser hand - under the space for "radio name", she has written this:

冬虫夏草

Winter bug, summer...oh.

(Isn't that the expensive thing that Maomao kept ogling in Suirei-jiejie's shop?)

-- Chat with "bug squad 🐞" (Shisui): --

Xiaolan's still in shock as they get herded into the meet and greet line. Turns out listener name "Cordyceps" is a well known name in the radio show's short but illustrious history, ever since they sent in something about wishing that Jinshi tried liu zi jue to improve on his sleep. He'd thought it was a joke, Rikuson thought it was a joke, until the manager made an offhand comment about Jinshi having nothing to lose if he tried, so he did, and it worked.

Because of course this is Maomao, and of course it would work! Xiaolan thought, her sheer delight at her friend's brilliance overpowering the initial feeling of dread over how Maomao was sending gods-know-what to an idol radio show.

From there it escalated to a point where whenever they'd receive a letter from Cordyceps, Rikuson would always take the slip of paper off Jinshi's hands so he can be the one reading it to the younger member. Cordyceps would always suggest some kind of traditional exercise or medication for Jinshi as he went from one variety show to another, and Jinshi would be skeptical at first (during the first few times, Rikuson would say it can't be that bad - he can ask some family friends he knew were into the traditional medicine business for a second opinion - which was as far as he'd talked about his life offstage, so far).

But as the episodes rolled by and the months went on, Jinshi already knew to expect a letter from Cordyceps reminding him to take his Hao Qin Qing Dan Tang if he so much as coughed. He'd started looking forward to them, even...

Rikuson then chided his co-host, saying that the smile that would subconsciously bloom on Jinshi's face every time Rikuson would read out one of Cordyceps' letters to him was beyond words, and he was glad that they had the in-person event because now everyone got to saw it too.

And he was correct! It wasn't anything like the smile Jinshi had for red carpets or variety show segments or awards show ceremony speeches. It was a smile that reminded Xiaolan how Jinshi was really actually just almost her age - younger than Rikuson, just as young as Basen, even if his androgynous looks always made him look a little bit more mature than usual.

Seeing that smile, then seeing Maomao trying to act nonchalant about it, then failing - it's then that Xiaolan understands why Maomao invited her here, too.

It's not about whether they liked the same idol group or not. It's about how Maomao actually gets tense and anxious about things too, even if she tries not to let it show on her face. It's about how she's started playing with the strap of her bag ever since they got herded out of their chairs to go into the single-file of the meet and greet portion of the event, and how people would think it's just a habit, but it's just the cue for Xiaolan to drag her out of...whatever it is that she might be thinking about.

"You didn't tell me you got read on air, and so many times, too!" Xiaolan whispers in the space between them, careful to not mention Maomao's radio name anywhere out loud because there has to be some reason why she had made a point of staying perfectly still when Jinshi had asked to know where Cordyceps was, holding Maomao's filled-out form aloft in the air. "I thought I was your best friend!"

"Of course you're my best friend, Xiaolan." Maomao whispers back, the barest shade of pink tinting her ears as they do every time she says something about how she has besties to begin with - soooo cute! "I just never got to saying it. To anybody, not just you."

"Aww, I never got to congratulate you when you got read, but I'll just have to congratulate you all those times at once. Dinner later's my treat and no you don't get to complain!" Xiaolan says, shushing Maomao when she tries to protest. "Now all I want you to do is say 'thank you!'"

"...thank you?"

"That's more like it. Gosh, I can't believe my best friend is technically penpals with the Celestial Monarch! So, so cute!"

Each member had their fancy silly nickname, Jinshi was either the Celestial Monarch (because did you even see that solo dance performance?) or the Baby Frog (one of his first TV appearances was him as a toddler, sleeping in his famous elder brother's arms in a frog-print onesie as he got carried through paparazzi flashes into a VIP lounge).

Xiaolan always called him the former, with reverence, and Maomao sometimes called him the latter, with much confusion.

"Technically almost everyone in this hall has been his penpal, it's no big deal." Maomao grumbles sheepishly, as Xiaolan clings onto her from behind.

But she didn't outright deny it, either.

Everyone gets the chance to talk to the co-hosts, two at a time. This means someone else is still talking and fawning over Jinshi when Maomao gets whisked away from her place in line so she can sit in front of Rikuson, and Xiaolan watches from a few steps away as Maomao bristles and flinches away from Rikuson's cheerful smile, from something he might have said or done, just like a cornered cat would.

If only Xiaolan could be a fly on the wall, or, maybe not so drastic, at least a few steps closer...!

What is that handsome Rikuson telling her best friend right now, with that sparkle in his eye?

Why is Rikuson's charismatic smile shifting into a mysterious smirk when Maomao stares at him like he's something tedious that she doesn't like, like bureaucratic nonsense or a mushroom that isn't either delicious, medicinal, or poisonous?

What is he saying right now that makes Maomao say whatever she's replying with that furrow in her brow?

And, gods and deities above, why didn't Xiaolan listen harder when Suirei-jiejie was teaching them how to read lips, for some godforsaken reason?

Xiaolan gets nudged into taking her place forward in line, so she can sit in front of Rikuson's seat while Maomao moves to the one in front of Jinshi's.

Fanmeet - right. She had been too focused on enjoying Maomao's quietly simmering excitement and too fascinated about being the one Maomao chose to witness this moment in her to even recall that, oh right, this is my first fanmeet, too.

Rikuson has his usual gentle smile on when he looks back at her, reading her name off the list of ticketholders. "Miss Xiaolan, right?"

"Just Xiaolan would be fine! We're about the same age, right?"

Later at dinner, Maomao will point out the barest hint of embarrassment she'd noted from Rikuson's surprising guffaw of laughter, which she'd heard from over the divider that's technically there to separate her and Jinshi's side of the table with Xiaolan and Rikuson's. But Xiaolan doesn't know about that now, so she just smiles at the rare visual of Mister Cool Beauty himself laughing so hard his eyes are beginning to tear up.

"Yeah...yes that's correct, Xiaolan. That's exactly what I said. Jinshi and I are both the babies of the group, you can see because we get along so well." Rikuson says, handkerchief out in his hands as he demurely wipes at his own happy tears. "Thanks so much for coming to our event."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world! I'm a big fan of your work - I go to all of your concerts." Xiaolan says. "Your show was uhm...I would say well-recommended to me, and I had so much fun listening to you during the event! Congratulations on the milestone by the way, my friend says it's to celebrate how many episodes you have currently?"

"149, it's going to be 150 after we post the recording from this event." Rikuson says, the grin on his face matching the sparkle of his eyes. "Mao'er told me you were the one who bought her first concert ticket, by the way. I can't say how thankful I am for that."

Mao'er? Why is he calling her so familiarly? Xiaolan decides to work past the funny feeling in her gut upon hearing the unfamiliar, too-familiar nickname and tilts her head innocently instead. Best to catch more information, with how much more time they've got. Was it five minutes for each person? "Maomao said that? Aw shucks, of course that's no biggie. I would do that for my best friend." Grin a little more brightly, Xiaolan. "How do you know our Maomao?"

"Let's just say she's a friend of a friend." Rikuson says, his eyes sparkling in that mysterious way they do when he's teasing spoilers on livestream.

Why that look, and why that look now?

"But I think you can ask her about me later. Let's talk about you, Xiaolan. Our da-ge's your bias, right? Did you send in any letters when he guested on our show the last time? What questions do you think we should ask him next?"

Oh, he's got her good, Xiaolan admits to herself, because how else is she supposed to react to that other than go into a monologue about how she loved hearing the boys ask da-ge about what he does to embody his acting roles and how he manages to perfectly nail his lines for period dramas (yes she knows he gets dubbed over in the end, but still), and how next time she wishes they can ask how he deals with original scripts vs. scripts adapted from books or movies? Rikuson is intently listening to her, even taking down notes on a sheet of paper in front of him, the picture of a consummate professional. Who was totally banking on distracting Xiaolan with da-ge talk so she'd forget him slipping and calling her bestie "Mao'er"...

From the chairs beside them, they suddenly hear a hiss (Maomao) and an angelic peal of laughter (Jinshi). Xiaolan whips her head around to face Maomao's side on reflex, realizes she still has Rikuson in front of her and sheepishly looks back...only to see him also leaning into the divider and smiling. He mouths to her silently: if we keep quiet for a bit I think we can listen?

The table they're all sitting at has a thin barrier between both pairs of participant and host, so even if the rest of the line behind them can kind of see there are conversations going on, and the people in line are talking too - so just like Xiaolan had been able to see Maomao and Rikuson's expressions, they can't actually hear anything. But if you're this near, you can make out some of the words.

"Don't look at me like that, it's not a joke! I'm glad to finally meet you, 'Cordyceps'." Jinshi says, his voice the happiest Xiaolan's ever heard it.

"Ugh, don't be too happy about it." Maomao groans, but it's the groan Xiaolan knows she makes when she's flustered about something.

(Ooh, juicy.)

"I told her she was too obvious, she didn't want to believe me." Rikuson mumbles, but not low enough to escape Xiaolan's well-honed ear.

"Hm?"

"Ah, well..."

"Time's up, please change your seats!" the manager says from behind them, inadvertently saving Rikuson from having to explain himself. He smiles.

"Thanks, Xiaolan. Tell Mao'er to call home when she has the time, okay?"

"Oh...kay?" Xiaolan says, barely registering the words as he says them.

What does he mean by call home?

But she doesn't even have the time to properly process this, because as she sits down she's met with the world-shattering existence her dearest friend was just being flustered about.

It's Jinshi, in all his pink-cheeked, shiny-eyed glory, the whisper of a smile still present on his face as he watches Maomao step down the stage. The manager from before - Xiaolan recognizes him, he's the one who holds all their passports in all the airport photos - has to clear his throat to jolt him back into the present. Jinshi sees her, and smiles - the smile he'd had for Maomao's back replaced with something just as bright, but not really. Interesting. "Hello, thanks for coming to our event! Miss Xiaolan, right?"

"Xiaolan's just fine! We're just the same age after all." Then, a little more braver - "And we're both Cordyceps' friends, so I think that makes me a friend of a friend?"

The shine that had been in his eyes earlier returns, and so does that grin. Gosh, he really is a sight for sore eyes, weaker souls would crawl at his feet. Xiaolan's perfectly content with her own member bias but she totally understands how this man's face alone breaks the toughest of hearts - her own best friend's included. It's this same cute, childlike excitement that seeps through his voice when he opens his mouth to talk. "You know her? Well I kind of expected that, you were snuggling into each other's spaces earlier - but oh wow, you actually know her! How is she like? Is she always all about her medicine in real life, too?"

From what Xiaolan had heard the hosts talk about earlier, it looks like she's suddenly got a lot of Cordyceps radio backlog to catch up on, so long as Maomao doesn't panic and change her account password first. "Yes, Maomao loves her medicines! It's a hobby of hers because her dad's an apothecary and doctor who studied abroad. Maomao wants to get herself certified someday, but for now she keeps a medicinal garden with him and always tells us about the stuff they harvest every week. Her username in our chat is currently cang er zi and a poker face emoji - but that's not the face she has when she talks about it!"

The face Maomao has when she talks about medicine...kind of looks like Jinshi's face right now, come to think of it.

"Really? I kind of expected that, but it still blows my mind to know even the littlest thing." Jinshi says, sighing sweetly, until he jolts back up upright. "But oh! Yeah! Enough about me! This is your fanmeet conversation, let's talk about you..."

"Aw shucks, start doing that with the next person in line, because of course they're here to talk to you directly. But me? Don't worry. Me, I'm the Maomao Protection Squad President, you can talk about how fun it was to talk to her with me."

"That's kind of you." Jinshi says, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as he smiles. "I'd love to be part of the Maomao Protection Squad - hee hee - sorry, I still can't get over the fact that I know her name now."

Aww, why so cute?

To be honest, Xiaolan feels a bit bad about telling Jinshi about Maomao's real-life chat username, but she figures he won't know about it otherwise, and Maomao owes her at least this much not-really-secret secret-telling after not telling her about her letter-writing for all this time.

So if she's not going to meet this pretty face again, what's another little breadcrumb gonna do, really?

"Did you know she bought my ticket for this event? Which means she's subscribed to your radio show's channel, and that she'd cleared out her schedule so she has nothing else to do during ticket-selling hours, even made sure we were in an optimum spot to see the stage, stage lights and all. Maomao doesn't really show off what she likes as much as people expect her to, but when she does, she gets really serious about it."

Jinshi flushes an even prettier pink, which was apparently possible. "So...what she said...that was a lie, then?"

Oh?

"Huh, what did she tell you?"

"I was trying to figure out which one of the people in line was Cordyceps, since nobody was admitting to it when I asked earlier." Jinshi says, taking a small vial out of his shirt pocket. "I showed every other person in line this bottle. Not cordyceps, I think some of this show's listeners would look up what it is - I asked Rikuson if he knew something that people with as much medicinal knowledge as radio listener Cordyceps would know, and he said I should use this. It's lei gong teng root, she'd figured it out as soon as she saw it on the table." He chuckles. "When I said I really appreciated her letters and was very happy she went to our event, she'd said she's only here to accompany you here - but I see that's not what happened?"

Maomao, Maomao, what in the name of "unyielding but delicate" is this.

Oh well. Xiaolan can fix this.

"Didn't you notice every other thing on her person was purple? She buys a lot of your member-specific goods, but she doesn't like making a big deal out of it, so she mixes it in with the rest of her normal stuff. I think she exclusively uses a pen collab of yours for taking down notes though. I've also seen her go to your trainee anniversary events and take pictures of your birthday advertisements when she sees them. Last year, she bought herself a cake suspiciously close to your birthday, and had me over to eat the leftovers, only after she scraped whatever message she had piped on top it, though." She musters the courage and looks that pretty face right in the eye, to make her next point count. "She doesn't even like sweet things! But you do, right?"

Jinshi flushes deeper, and Xiaolan grins.

Maomao, our Maomao, I'm doing you a favor here!

-- Chat with "bug squad 🐞" (Shisui): --

Later that night, Xiaolan puts Jinshi's sample of dried lei gong teng root on the table between them, careful that it won't get down into the hotpot broth. Maomao looks up from her half-eaten bowl of meat and mushrooms and the shrimps she had been peeling off to the side, startles, and takes it for herself.

"Jinshi said you forgot to take it, so he gave it to me to give to you." Xiaolan says, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. "What did you guys talk about?"

Maomao scoffs, but the tips of her ears are faintly pink. "He was trying to get me to admit I was Cordyceps. The lei gong teng was an unfair bribe. That's all."

"If you don't want to talk about Jinshi we can talk about you knowing Rikuson instead --"

"Yeah, I know that guy. He went to school with...my old man's younger relatives."

The fact that she'd rather talk about Rikuson over Jinshi aside -- that's an interesting term of phrase, Xiaolan thinks, if a bit clunky. Maybe these relatives are cousins to her, because she's an only child?

"He calls you Mao'er? That's cute!"

Maomao rolls her eyes before depositing the shrimp she had been peeling onto Xiaolan's personal bowl. "He calls me Mao'er because I was a kid when we met, and he likes thinking he's my da-ge. I already have a da-ge though...but he's been annoying me ever since. It's also why I trade him away every time I get him through member pulls."

"Ehhh, why didn't you tell me! All this time the other fans just thought you were one of the Jinshi fans who just didn't like Rikuson, for some reason!"

"Would I even listen to their radio show if I hate him that much?" Maomao says. "He's an annoying childhood...contact, but a decent radio show host. Apparently he was guessing that I was Cordyceps the entire time, and was waiting for me to tell him about it. Hell no, I'm not giving him that information first."

"...which brings us back to Jinshi." Xiaolan says. Her eyes are probably so, so bright with the usual excitement of an untapped story, if that's how heavy of a sigh Maomao's sighing in response. "Apparently you didn't even tell him he's your bias? Apparently you told him you were here accompanying me!? Kan Maomao!"

"I - he told you too much."

"Maomao!!"

Xiaolan uses the full power of her pleading puppy dog eyes on Maomao, but it doesn't work - because Maomao already knows it would work and is currently avoiding her gaze, deshelling mussels to put into Xiaolan's bowl later.

Oh well, oh well! Xiaolan has all the time in the world to keep asking.