Chapter Text
Kaiser is in a good mood. In fact, he’s in such high spirits that it’s suspicious, considering he probably has some kind of new undocumented mental illness and most days feels like nothing.
He walks inside your apartment with a triumphant aura, smirking (at thin air, since he hasn’t even reached you yet). Hands on his hips, Kaiser takes a moment to strike a victory pose in front of the entrance after closing the door behind himself. He closes his eyes and smells the air, which is a bit stale… considering he’s inside and maybe you haven’t opened the windows in a bit because it’s winter… but Kaiser doesn’t let it get to him! Today he’s a winner. Most days he’s a winner, even, but today he’s especially a winner.
After his quick mental jerk off session, Kaiser sheds himself of his jacket and takes off his shoes. Slowly. It’s painful because he wants to get his reward already — your reaction, which he’s been thinking about ever since he began heading home — but another, bigger part of him wants to extend the exhilaration before The Moment.
Finally, Kaiser steps inside and finds you in the living room, doing something on your tablet. You don’t even glance up at him. The disregard you have for him blessing your presence with his own pisses him off a bit, but you will be sorry, and soon at that.
Kaiser walks up right in front of where you are laying on your side on the couch, leaning against the armrest. His shadow looms over your form, yet you stubbornly refuse to even look at him, enamored by something on the screen.
He grits his teeth, but then relaxes his jaw a moment later, making him appear as if he’s experiencing rapid mood swings. Anyway, there’s no reason to get mad.
Why?
Because he’s a winner and you’re going to regret this in a second. After reminding himself of this inevitable and immutable fact, Kaiser smiles to himself once more in a cartoonishly evil manner. Then he grabs the hem of his shirt and starts lifting it up with patience you don’t deserve, trying to give you a show.
Except apparently you don’t care because you’re too busy getting through a grueling level of Mahjong Solitaire — Play Online For Free!. The tiles are arranged in an elephant pattern for some reason, and you’re on a timer. Your forehead is gross and wrinkled with tension.
Kaiser halts his movements when the fabric is halfway up his torso and clicks his tongue. “I’m stripping over here.”
“Why don’t you change in the bedroom? There aren’t any clothes for you here,” you say, continuing to match tiles.
Kaiser almost fumes at your audacity to ignore him when he’s literally showing off to you. Like, right in your face, if you glance up. And you dare tell him to go to another room, out of your sight? Are you making fun of him? This has to be a joke.
“I’d appreciate some more attention and enthusiasm for my stripping. If you don’t mind.”
You disregard his borderline pleading for you to notice him almost like you didn’t hear anything. Kaiser is convinced you’re doing this on purpose now just to irritate him. Your gaze stays glued to the tablet screen.
Kaiser’s eye twitches. Here he is, MICHAEL KAISER, trying to get half-naked for you to show you his surprise, and you’re treating him like some run of the mill bum. You care about Mahjong more than you care about his slightly pathetic, gossamer happy trail (which he has forgotten to shave the last few days), and it’s inexcusable in his opinion.
You’re going to pay.
The rest of his movements are no longer mindful, since he doesn’t care about being sensual anymore when you clearly don’t give a damn, so Kaiser takes shirt off in a hurry, allowing himself one enraged sound.
Still, even that isn’t enough to make you at least throw him a cursory glance. Kaiser crumples the piece of clothing into a ball and throws it at your face. Because you didn’t have the decency to give him his well-earned attention, he doesn’t bother tossing in a delicate manner either.
“Dude!” you sputter, then move it to the side.
Finally you look up at him with indignation, brows pinched together, probably to chew him out. But your words die in your throat and your mouth parts in surprise as you examine Kaiser in incredulity.
It’s not the admiration and uncontrollable lust he was hoping for, but at least it’s something. Kaiser begins to strike cringy poses at you, trying to present the new decoration on his body while you gape at him. Once again he smirks to himself, inner balance restored.
The skin surrounding the ink is still pinkish and irritated. It’s been etched on him under his navel, sitting pretty between his hip bones.
You blink, taking in the sight, processing it, making sense of it.
“You got a new tattoo?” you ask the obvious.
“Yeah and please ask me what the color of the sky is next.”
You ignore his snark. “Why this design?”
“I saw it on a flash sheet and I thought it looked cool.”
What. You definitely thought Kaiser is more the type to have fake deep tattoos with corny meanings, not one to just get whatever. He’s full of surprises today.
“Do you even know what that is?”
Kaiser places his hands on his hips again and leans back, tilting down his chin to look at it. “I mean, yeah, it’s an outline of a heart with wings. Not that complicated.”
“It’s like, a womb…”
“I can see that’s the shape of it.”
“And it’s called like, a succubus tattoo.”
Kaiser quits his posing to stand upright normally and smiles down at you in his usual taunt way, lowering his eyelids. “Seems fitting.”
Then in an act of audacity only Michael Kaiser can do without shame, Kaiser moves to plop down in your lap and pushes your tablet away — not because you’re looking at it, you’re not, not anymore at least, but as revenge against it for earlier — and blatantly “tries to adjust his position” there by shifting around in a way which is provocative on purpose.
Your eyes widen more. What is he doing?
“I can be your succubus.”
You’re a bit outraged at your boyfriend’s unsexy advances. “Micha, no.”
“Come on, you don’t want to at least run your fingers over it…? Kiss it, lick it?” He bats his lashes at you and tries to look all demure and cute. This annoys you further.
“No, it’s still healing. I can’t touch it.”
“What?!” demands Kaiser. No longer is he making any sort of forced appealing expression, instead he is just scowling as if you farted on his pillow last night and he woke up with pink eye. “Doesn’t it look good?”
“Yea, it does, I mean-”
“You’re not tempted by me at all?”
“Oh my god, Micha, your mantrums are so not cute! I just don’t want you to get an infection.”
“But you care more about me getting infection than about fucking me on the spot,” he says in an accusatory tone, as if this is a valid critique based in reality. Like he really believes his bitching has any merit here.
“I mean… Yeah? As funny as it would be if you had an infection, I don’t really want to deal with that.”
“You don’t even care about my well-being, you just don’t want to deal with it!” Kaiser throws his hands up in the air.
“No, you know I was just kidding- ugh.”
Of course, he doesn’t want to get an infection either. He just kind of got over excited about it and wrote a fanfiction in his head on his way back about how you were going to have sex with him, and it’s just not what’s happening. Somehow he forgot that he can’t have anyone else touching that spot or sweat too much in his euphoria triggered by his maladaptive fantasy about how you’d caress him and go crazy over him, indiscriminately jumping his bones. You seem to have more common sense than that though, and it bugs him. He wants you to be insane, why are you not?!
“Do you at least like it?” Kaiser frowns at you.
“Yea, it’s pretty. I really like it. I’ll show you some other time how much I love it.”
You think to yourself about what a drama king he is, but on the outside remain calm and impassive, even managing to tell him what he wants to hear.
Snatching his discarded shirt back in his grip, Kaiser rises from the couch and goes to sulk in the bedroom with a prideful posture and too much grandiosity. You stare at where he used to be for some time, rerunning this entire ordeal through your head for review, before shrugging to yourself and picking up your tablet to play again.