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“Hey Buck? What would you think if maybe we-” The voice coming from the other room seemed to vanish as the raging thoughts in my mind began to take over. I had the overwhelming urge to cry and break the nearest person's neck, but the nearest person right now… how can I even think of doing something like that to him? That would kill me.
“-just thought maybe it'd- Bucky?” The sight of him peeking around the corner of the doorway pulled me from my current thoughts. He couldn't know; I couldn't let him know.
“Sorry, I was just… zoned out,” I said, and quickly wiped my eye before the tear could fall. I took a deep breath as I slowly stood from the bed.
“No, Buck. Tell me what's wrong; you've been acting strange lately,” he said, and I knew he was right; but I wasn't going to admit that to him. Not yet.
“I've just had a lot on my mind is all,” I insisted. It wasn't a lie, but it also wasn't the truth. I probably shouldn't be keeping this to myself, but I didn't want him to worry about me. I pushed past him in an attempt to stop the conversation from continuing. But before I could get far enough away, he grabbed my right arm.
“Bucky, please. I want to help you-”
“You can't help me, okay?” I yelled, cutting him off. Tears began forming in my eyes again, and one slid down my cheek. I saw the sadness in Steve's eyes as I yanked my hand away and stormed off. I locked myself in the bathroom and sunk against the door, bawling into my knees. I held my left hand in my right, trying to distract myself with the metal. There was no feeling, and I envied other people; people with two real hands… like Steve. I clenched my fists, and slammed them into the floor beside me, harder than I meant to. I lifted my left, realizing I'd made a crater, and let my body go limp. I sat there crying, and after a while, I heard steps approach the door. I awaited the inevitable knock, but it never came. I picked my head up, and heard sliding down the door.
“Bucky?” he said. His voice was filled with sadness. I did this; I did this to him.
“Look, I'm sorry if I upset you. You just weren't acting like your usual happy self, and I got worried. I was worried that it might've been me, or something I did-”
“Stop. It's not you; it wasn't you, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you, you did nothing wrong. You wanted to help me but my mood had already passed the line and I just… lost it. I'm so, so sorry.” The tears fell one after another onto my shirt, and my heart stopped when Steve sniffled.
“Don't be sorry, Buck. I should've been there for you earlier. I should've- I should…” I finally stood, and unlocked the door. I heard Steve nearly scramble to his feet, and opened the door to reveal myself in a crying mess. What shocked me most was that Steve looked just as bad as me. There were wet spots on his shirt from tears, and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. The sight of him like this made me want to curl up and die, but the small smile he flashed me made my heart leap. I opened my arms up, and he didn't hesitate to come closer and embrace me. I buried my face in his neck, while he rested his chin on my shoulder. I sniffled a couple times - as did he - and finally calmed down. I reluctantly broke the hug to look at Steve. I still remember when he was just a scrawny kid, and now he's just as muscley and buff as yours truly.
“I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm just… not doing very well and I didn't want to make you worry about me,” I finally admitted. He gave me a sad smile, and put his hands on my shoulders.
“Of course I'm going to worry; I always will, even if it's about something insignificant, because I don't want to lose you again. I can't lose you again,” he said. I gave him a quick smile in return, and he pulled me back in for another hug. He placed a small kiss to my temple before releasing me. I brushed the hair out of my face a ran the pad of my thumb across his cheek. I take a deep breath, and exhale slowly through my nose, eyes locked with his. I didn't think it was possible to not get lost in his ocean-blue eyes.
“So, what were you saying we should do earlier? I didn't really catch any of it.” He chuckled, then grabbed my hand and led me to the front door, explaining to me what we were going to do for the second time that hour. What would I ever do without him? Oh yeah, probably sit in a corner and stare at the wall, though I think I'd much rather spend all my time with Steve than do that. After all, I love the man way too much; but I'm not going to admit that to him. Not yet.