Work Text:
The moon was full that night, lighting up a dark sky with no clouds at sight—all gone due to the storm that fell during the entire day. You have been outside since the first hour in the morning, going to the nearest city to collect some stuff for the next expedition outside Wall Rose and then practicing with the maneuver gear. Though it was quite difficult to see, and even to try to move in the forest while it rained that much—that not even the top of the trees could stop the raindrops from crushing against your emerald coat—it was an imperative training. The Scouting Legion could never know when the rain would hit like that while being outside the Walls, and all the soldiers must be prepared for any mishap like that. And just in case both the riding to the town and the training weren’t enough, as soon as you finished your dinner, you were assigned to fill some papers about the collected supplies for the expedition, which would take place in just a month.
You were starting to feel nervous about it: it wasn’t your first, and sure as hell you would fight for it to not be your last, but you knew the outcome was unpredictable. It always was. That was the main reason for your stomach twisting slightly at the thought of leaving the Wall again because as much as you loved to look into the distance and seeing nothing but freedom, you knew that the freedom was threatened by those titans. It wasn’t necessary to fight them thanks to the scouting formation that Commander Erwin designed a couple of years ago, but still... sometimes it was inevitable, and you had to be prepared to face and kill them.
You couldn’t contain a shy smile when the thought of Erwin came to your mind. You had kind of a crush on the man since little time after your joining into the Survey Corps. That was five years ago, and he was already the Commander. You didn’t know exactly what you liked about him the most. He was tall and build-up, with those noticeable muscles under the uniform that looked so nice on his body; his eyes were blue like the sky, matching perfectly his blonde hair, parted to the left side and with an undercut slightly darker; but far from his more than attractive appearance, there was his mind. He was one of the most intelligent people that you ever had the pleasure to work with; he was always one step ahead of anyone, thinking about new possibilities, ways, strategies. He treated all the soldiers with respect, he knew their value and where they would fit better in the Corps. He was always working, you have barely seen him taking a break during the day, some of them he didn’t even show up for lunch or dinner—though you knew he cared about his health, and that relaxed you whenever it happened.
Erwin Smith was the best Commander that an army could count on, not just because he knew how to improve our forces and resources, but because he knew when sacrifices needed to be made, and he didn’t hesitate. The man was willing to set the world free from titans, it was obviously due to his sacrifice, being constantly working and encouraging the others, and that fed your soul, too. You still remembered his discourse the day that your trainee squad had to decide about the brand for the military. You would never forget his fiercely, yet icy, blue eyes, looking at each one of you, talking words of courage, inspiring your wildest hopes. You’ve always wanted to serve a biggest cause, but above all, you wanted to serve someone like him. Someone willing to sacrifice anything in order to change the world. You had it clear, five years ago, and you had it clear now: you would follow his command until your last breath.
The only difference between your joining and now was that you had the chance to treat the man that inspired you. And you found under that cold facade, a kind, warm soul that was just too overwhelmed by work. It took some time because in the very beginning you were just a common cadet working under your squad leader orders, but after showing your potential and hard work, your position began to improve, and only one year later, you were one of Mike’s best soldiers on his squad, almost his right hand. Erwin himself requested your transfer to his squad after seeing in your second expedition that your combat abilities were similar to Mike’s, and you didn’t refuse. He was the best soldier in the Survey Corps – now, one of them along with Corporal Levi, who was the very best.
Erwin thought that you two could team up great and try to work on some new tactics to kill titans when the situation required it, minimizing casualties. After that, you found yourself enjoying your new squad and his leader, giggling at his sniffing addiction, and sometime later, even building a friendship with him. He was nice, mature and a hard worker as well, and you loved to be surrounded by people so talented. They inspired you to keep working and improving.
Being close to Mike had other side-effects, too. You got to be closer to Erwin, as they were quite friends and trusted comrades. As Mike’s right hand, you got tons of work to do, and sometimes those works included helping the Commander with the paperwork. You didn’t care, actually, you enjoyed it. Deep inside, you were a workaholic as well, and you didn’t like to take a rest until all the papers were filled and revised, your training completed, or the cleaning tasks done. And when Erwin required your help with the expedition’s forms, you were more than willing to help—you wouldn’t just be directly useful to the Commander that you admired, but being around him for a while in his office, too.
You loved to raise your gaze from the letters and take a quick look at his calmed gestures. He always looked deeply concentrated and focused on his tasks, and he only stopped to take a sip of his tea, which you always brought to him without even being asked. You knew he loved tea, especially while working, it helped to keep his mind awake and clear. Because being near Mike let you know Erwin more, and that was probably the reason for your crush on him: you kind of knew the man under the “Commander” title.
But after all, he was that title, your superior, and you were in the middle of a war. Any kind of romance among soldiers was quite difficult, not to mention between a soldier and a Commander. You knew it well, you weren’t a kid anymore; you were a soldier, and duty was above all. Maybe when this is over and you’ve accomplished your goals, when humanity is free from the titan’s threat, maybe you could try something with him... You didn’t know if it was mutual, it probably wasn’t, but among those dark and uncertain times, you allowed yourself a bit of room for hope. Well, for dreams.
Right now, you were taking a hot, well-deserved bath after such a long day. It was late and all the soldiers should be sleeping, but you liked to stay up for a bit more when you felt overwhelmed by work. Those were the calmest moments for you when the headquarters were all quiet and you could give yourself some self-care and relax. You loved to take long baths, thinking about the past, present, or future of the missions, or not thinking at all, just letting yourself relax. Though it was quite a sneaky attitude and you could get into trouble, you knew that your position also allowed some acts like those. After all, you sometimes caught the Corporal or even the Commander sneaking into the kitchen to get some late tea. Though your relationship with Levi was okay, your heart pounded whenever you found that Erwin was the one around the kitchen. You were there for the same reason and trying to act formally, you always referred to him as ‘sir’ and ‘Commander’ as you were used to—but those times, Erwin always seemed more like a friend than a soldier, and he always referred to you by your first name instead of your last, as he always did during the day.
That made you change your attitude a bit, and you tried to call him by his name in those moments, at first feeling a bit unsure about being too personal, but since he didn’t complain, you got used to it. You found yourself enjoying how it felt to hear his name leaving your lips out loud. It was silly, but you loved it. Those conversations late at night, both drinking tea at the kitchen’s table, made you feel closer to him than ever. You loved those times, too. You could sense how his calm layer fell to let pass for the kind and colloquial gestures. This didn’t happen a lot, as it was too complicated to run into each other, but you loved so much the fewer nights that it happened, that every time you thought about tea, the picture of Erwin slightly smirking beside you, taking a sip from his cup, always came to your mind.
I could get some tea, to end the day in a well-deserved way, you thought to yourself while brushing your wet hair after getting out of the bathtub. You looked around to find your clean clothes before drying yourself with a towel when you suddenly realized.
No. Fucking. Way.
After that endless day, desperately wanting to take a hot bath and forget about the world for some time, you even managed to forget about getting your clean clothes. And using your sweaty, smelly uniform again was out of the question. Well, fuck. You had just one way out of this: rush to your room trying not to get noticed by anybody. It wasn’t that hard; after all, everybody was already sleeping.
So, trying to take full confidence in your awful plan, you wrapped yourself in a clean towel, put your hair into a messy bun and got out of the stance like the wind. You only took a few steps in the corridor when a sharp, loud voice stopped you.
“Who is there?”
Your blood froze, and your legs paralyzed from the shock, being unable to move any muscle from your body, even if you wanted to run for your life. Of all the people from the fucking headquarters, it had to be him. Of course it had to be him. Sina, Rose, or Maria, I don’t know which one of you allowed this, but I really hate you all right now, you thought, frowning in frustration.
“Cadet, turn around. It’s an order.”
Of course it had to be a fucking order. You bit your lip, twitching your eyes fiercely and bracing yourself with your still wet arms, trying to protect the towel that was covering your naked body. It was long enough to cover your breasts and bottom, but still quite revealing. This had to be a joke from the Goddess, you were sure of it.
Obeying your Commander’s order, you turned around to face him, feeling your cheeks burning like hell itself. Your gazes crossed in the gloomy corridor, only lightened by the moonlight that entered through the window glass, softly outlining both of your bodies—yours, still covered by drops of water falling down your skin and a white towel, and his, covered by a plain white shirt, jeans, and brown boots. He had some fresh clothes and a towel in his hands, and apparently was heading towards the men’s bathroom, which was right beside the women’s. Of course it had to be.
The moment you put your eyes on him, your blushing got more intense, and you bit your lip again, refusing his gaze to just look at the floor. You didn’t have enough time to see it, but when he realized it was you, his face softened and even had to contain a subtle smirk.
“I’m sorry, sir. I forgot to take my clean clothes before,” you whispered, thanks to the silent place being enough for him to hear it. You were starting to feel some wet locks of your hair stick to your neck, water drops falling down your arms and legs, and your heart beating frantically beneath your chest. “I know this is inappropriate for a soldier, and I will take any punishment that I should deserve. If you excus—“
You got interrupted by Erwin’s chuckle, who got you completely off guard. You raised your eyes again, shocked by his reaction. He had a shy smirk curving his lips, and he looked at you highly amused. You didn’t know what to do.
“You don’t need any punishment, [First].” He seemed to contain his laughter, and while you wondered what was so funny, you found yourself dazed by his tender smile. “It could happen to any of us. Go get some clothes.” Still lost in his smile, you reacted after a few seconds, getting back to reality, to your half-naked reality.
“Yessir!” you hushed, turning on your feet to rush to your room, fire rising from your cheeks. After some meters ahead, you heard his voice again.
“[First]?” You felt shivers down your spine, and your stomach twisting. This was too much. You turned again, facing him with all the dignity that you could embrace in such a situation. “I know it’s too late, but... Would you be up for a night tea?” You could feel your blood freezing under your skin, and your legs almost begging to sit down. Quickly nodding, being able for him to see it thanks to the moonlight, you disappeared from the corridor finally to get some clothes on. Your heart was almost wanting to get out of your body and you couldn’t think clearly.
As soon as you entered your room, you closed the wooden door and leaned against it, trying to recover your proper breath and heart beating. You deeply breathed in and out a couple of times and thinking about what just happened, you sighed. You didn’t know if you were lucky or just stupidly unlucky, but you just said yes to his offer so you had to get to the kitchen and face him again.
You got to the wardrobe and took one plain shirt and brown trousers, as well as black shoes. It wasn’t your pajamas, but it was more comfortable than your uniform and those damned straps. You tried to get your hair a bit drier with the towel and seeing that there was no change, you put it in a bun again. Looking at the reflection in the mirror, you started blushing again. He has just seen you like that... Erwin, of all the people. And he even got to laugh. You made him smile. That made your heart pound.
Leaving the room with those thoughts in your mind and a shy smirk lighting your face, you get to the kitchen and to start preparing the tea. The place was too dark to see a thing, so you took one torch that was still lighting the corridor and entered the room, replacing one of them already extinct. You knew very well how Erwin liked his tea, and you kind of prefer it like that, so it wasn’t a problem for you to prepare them in the same way. When the water on the mug came to boil, you poured it into two cups, scattering tea leaves and honey in both of them. You left them on the table, sitting on it to wait for some minutes, then you took the cup in your hands to feel the heat on your skin.
Apart from his taste, you loved two more things about tea: his smell and how it heated your hands, making you forget about anything else for a while. You even forgot about Erwin, holding the cup and letting your nose inhale all the scent of the peppermint when the door opened. He entered the room walking calmly, wearing a plain t-shirt and black trousers, being one of the fewer times that you got to see him out of uniform. His hair was combed like always, this time a bit wet from the more than obvious bath that he had just taken.
You got up quickly from the table, again being all nervous and shivers running down your body, and smiled at him in a shy way, not knowing exactly what to say. He nodded at you and reaching for the other cup that was placed on the table, returned your smile. You were absolutely sure that he could hear your heart racing wild. Fuck. Even fighting a titan seemed better to you than this awkward moment.
“I’m sorry I made you come here for a late teacup,” he started speaking, looking at you with a calm expression. He was right in front of you and being already too tired to stand up for a long time, you let yourself fall to the edge of the table.
“There’s no problem at all, sir. I was planning to take one on my own.” You smirked slightly.
“Erwin, when we’re alone. Remember?” His smile widened, highly amused by all the situation. You wish you could be amused, too. You nodded, your gaze lost on the floor, unable to look at him. Of course you remembered, but you were so nervous that you couldn’t be comfortable and plain with him right now. You took a sip of your tea, letting the hot liquid fluid through your body and embracing you with its flavor. You were damn tired, but still, you didn’t want to leave his company, after all. “I suppose you are the only one I can rely on, on a night like this.”
“What?” You blinked incredulously at him. “What about Levi? Or Mike?”
“Well, they are not awake.” He grinned, lowering his gaze for the first time. “Forget about it. It was just an out-loud thought.” Erwin went silent for a moment, apparently lost in his own thoughts, and that made you wonder.
“Erwin,” you spoke, noticing how good it felt to say his name again. “If there is anything that you want to talk about... I, uh, well,” you fumbled for words, trying to say it in the right way and not being too informal with him. “You can trust me, you know?”
He closed his eyes for a moment, letting you await a response. Being that way, he nodded, and opening them again, your gazes crossed, feeling shivers on your body.
“We’re in the middle of a war, maybe the most important until now.” He took one sip of his tea and then started walking towards you, leaning against the edge of the table right at your side. You could even feel the heat of his arm beneath your sleeve. You were lost again in his blue eyes, while neither of you refused to look away. “The next expedition is crucial, and I don’t know how many lives it will take. How many lives will perish following my orders.”
“Because of the titan’s threat,” you corrected him, gaining one quick smirk from his lips. He nodded again and continued. “You already know the plan and everything that is at stake.” Indeed, you knew. There was a spy among the military forces that were trying to sabotage humanity’s development and supposedly would try to kidnap or hurt Eren in the next expedition. Erwin, Hange, Levi, and Mike composed a plan to get their hands on the subject, and only Hange’s and Mike’s squads knew it.
The rest of the Survey Corps believed that this was just an expedition to test Eren’s functioning to retake Wall Maria. At first, you felt quite bad about hiding the truth from other trusted companions, but you knew it was necessary. After all, the spy could be anyone...
“What I’m trying to say is...” he lowered his voice, seeming doubtful about the words that he wanted to say. You looked at him expectantly, trying to analyze his gestures. He seemed to be struggling between his always neutral, thoughtful temper and his more faithful one that he only showed to you at nights like those when you got to be alone. That made you realize that whatever he was thinking right now, was more important and difficult to him than any other time.
He was opening his mouth just about to speak again when you reached one hand towards his, the one holding his teacup, lowering your gaze to avoid his. He froze at the touch, looking at you with shock on his face, and though you could see it in the corner of your eyes, you refused to let him go. As much confidence that was built upon both of you these past years, this was too inappropriate, and you knew it. But you couldn’t contain yourself, seeing him so insecure, something that you could never expect to happen...
His touch felt warm, his skin softer than expected, and you couldn’t help to caress him with your fingertips. You could sense again the fire starting on your cheeks, and you expected him to push you aside with a hard reject, but it didn’t happen. Instead of that, he kept looking at you without doing a thing, not even retrieving his hand.
Some seconds passed and as if you suddenly recovered your judgment, you pushed away your hand and turned your head to the opposite direction, blushing even harder and wondering why the hell did you have to do such a stupid thing.
“I— I’m sorry, sir,” you whispered, not sure if it was even audible. He was your Commander. He was talking about the next mission and you only thought about... stroking him? Oh Goddess, you wanted to be swallowed by the earth in that damned moment. You drank all your tea that was left, leaving the empty cup on the table and ready to run away from the room. Usually, you would wash both of them, but now you were too embarrassed to even think about staying one more second there. “T-that was inappropriate. If you exc-“
You couldn’t finish the sentence.
Erwin’s muscular arms were holding you tight, pushing you against his chest and feeling his warmth embracing you. He had left his cup on the table, while you were talking, and now, both of his bare hands were tracing thin lines along your back. One of his hands reached your neck, caressing it softly and sending shivers down your spine, before reaching your still wet hair and undoing your bun. He traveled his hand among the messy locks of your [h/c] hair that fell down against your body and started massaging the back of your head.
By that time, you weren’t able to breathe normally. You felt your chest rise and fall quickly, almost out of control, crashing with his body. You tried to focus yourself for a bit and wrapped your arms around this waist, feeling his muscles under the thin shirt. You buried your face in his chest, knowing that the blush on your face would be worse than ever, but he didn’t allow you to. Grabbing your hair gently, trying not to hurt you, he pushed your head back just enough to cross your gazes again, and before you could even read his expression, he kissed you.
It caught you off guard, as everything that was happening, and you didn’t close your eyes at first. As soon as you realized, feeling his warm lips pushing you softly, you let yourself go. His wet tongue didn’t take long to ask for permission on your mouth, starting a swinging of them all along your mouths. You hold back for a second, gasping for air, and for the first time being able to read his face. He was calmed as ever, but this time, something was different too. His eyes were softened, his gaze almost contemplating you, and his mouth was widened in a smirk. It took you some time to process all this, your long-time crush returning your affection. Your Commander. You couldn’t believe it.
“Is everything ok?” Erwin asked, rising one thick eyebrow hesitantly. You felt his arms losing strength against your body and that made you panic. Oh no, you weren’t about to let this chance go.
You nodded, a shy smile appearing on your lips. “It’s just that...” you started, unable to put those thoughts into words. You lowered your gaze for a moment, biting your lip, and Erwin placed one sweet kiss on the corner of your mouth, amazed at your cuteness.
“Mmmh?” he hushed, now tracing your jawbone with his lips, placing soft bites along the way, until he reached your ear to finally bit your earlobe, making your legs shake. He felt it and, trying to contain a cocky grin, he placed both of his hands on your bottom, holding you enough to sit you on the table. Of course, you were unable to say a fucking word. You didn’t think it was possible to even breathe in a situation like that. He repeated his moanful question again while tracing your neck with his teeth, now rising his hands down the fabric of your shirt, touching your skin with his calloused hands.
You were starting to feel too hot for those clothes at the moment. He continued to bite your neck, stopping at some spots to suck your skin and lick it with his wet tongue. It would leave you marks, but you couldn’t care less about it right now. You wrapped your legs around his hips, pushing him against you. You could sense a bulge getting harder inside his trousers, crashing with your, most than probably, wet entrance. You left out a desperate moan that made him chuckle.
“Come with me.” He took a few steps aside, your legs not fast enough to hold him, and reached a hand towards you. What...? How the hell was he able to stand back? Of course it was risky to stay there in such a situation, but... Damn, you could have got undressed in a heartbeat without thinking about the consequences, not even for a second. But he seemed so calm, absolutely in control.
Helping you to get down from the table, when your feet touched the floor, he started walking towards the door, still holding your hand tight. Soon, you were both traveling through the gloomy corridors, now only lightened by the moonlight, as all the torches were extinguished. You were following right behind him, seeing his big form traced by the light that entered from the windows, and your heart started to race again.
You knew where he was going, oh, yes, you knew quite well. That was the way to his office, which connected to his room. You’ve never seen it before. You felt goosebumps again, and you were sure that your face must be all covered in red. But even though, you couldn’t contain a cheerful smile, because indeed, you were truly happy with what was happening. He had feelings for you... at least, carnal desires. And you weren’t going to complain: you were in the middle of a war, there was no room for love. But who could say no to a bit of fun? Hell, you wouldn’t. And you were a grown-up woman capable of letting your feelings aside, capable of not demanding him more than just that.
You returned to reality when a soft mattress touched your back. Erwin had led you towards his bedroom, as you expected, and had laid you down on the bed now, letting all his control go. He reached you right after and started kissing you fiercely, tracing the curves of your body with his hands, almost desperately. So, he wasn’t as calm as you thought, after all. He took your shirt off, revealing your white bra, and started lowering his mouth, placing kisses and soft bites through your neck, collarbones, and finally your cleavage. You were too burdened by his passion to even think straight, but before he could even touch your breasts, you took off his shirt as well.
Now, both your bodies were half-naked, touching each other, letting the warm and heavy breathing collapse into the air. You run your hands on his torso, feeling his muscular body starting to heat up. Your bra didn’t take long to get to the floor, and while one hand covered completely one of your breasts, he started sucking and licking the other one, playing with his wet, hot tongue over your nipple. You left out a moan, now clawing your nails on his back and tracing red lines all along. The hotness that you have felt before on your thighs was getting even worse, and you could sense your legs starting to shake desperately for him. You reached for the button of his trousers to start undoing them, but he holds back in that moment, looking at you from above.
You were half-naked, wet by his tongue, almost begging for something more. He seemed pleased at the views, a subtle grin shadowing his face, and after some moments of contemplation, he took off your trousers along with your panties in a rush, letting you completely naked for him. You were just looking back at him, trying to keep your breath under control, needless to say, in vain. Your breasts rose and fell quickly due to your heavy breathing, and you could feel your entrance already getting wet. Seeing him, admiring you with that confidence, all high above you, seeing his blue eyes devouring your body after all this time... Damn, you wanted him so hard.
He took you by your waist and, placing you just on the edge of the bed, he bent down on the floor in front of you. You moaned at the first touch of his index finger on your entrance. It didn’t take long to become two fingers playing with your clit, and you had to squeeze your hands around the sheets to help you get through it. The air was filled with your collapsed breathing and moans, which intensified as he entered his tongue inside you.
“E-Erwin!” you barely shouted, amazed by how freaking amazing he was. Seriously, was there anything that he wasn’t good at? He had to contain a cocky grin while hearing his name, getting turned on by your voice. He had both of his hands holding your legs from crashing, while his tongue was doing all the job. You reached one hand to his blond hair, unable to even control your moves—you were so close to coming.
“Er-Erwin,” you moaned while trying to push him aside, but your strength was like zero, and he didn’t show any attempt at doing so. A few seconds later, you let out a loud moan. Your orgasm hit like a storm, letting your hand loose at his hair and getting all the way in your thighs wet. You gasped heavily, relaxing on the mattress as Erwin reached you again. He was licking his lips from your taste and he placed one tender kiss on your lips before taking his trousers and underwear off, letting you one moment to recover yourself.
You glanced at him, seeing his majestic, sturdy body lying down again at your side, and you hold your breath. He was even better than you have ever imagined. He noticed you admiring him and, trying not to show a proud smirk, his lips reached yours again. His tongue still tasted like you, and that woke you up from your tiredness.
You forced him to lay back on the mattress and taking full control of the situation, you placed yourself above his hips. You could feel him already hard, his erection shoving up your ass, but you wanted to play as much as he had done with you. You wanted to keep these moments as much as you could. You’ve been waiting too long for them. Looking at him with a smirk on your lips, you started licking from his jawbone to his chest, stopping to play with his nipples. He was already breathing heavily at your touch, and you could barely feel his hips starting to shake underneath your body. You continued with the way of your tongue along his toned-up abs, while with one of your hands, you started playing with the head of his cock. He left out a moan, and the sound made you hotter than before.
You kept playing with it, your cocky grin never leaving your lips as you were now the one watching his gestures from above, while the other hand tried to hold his hips from shaking. His eyes twitched, his chest rising and falling abruptly, and your name leaving his lips in a hushed whisper, only to be interrupted by his moans. He was already begging you with his eyes for more, clawing his fingers at your ass, almost desperately. Feeling that it was enough and also being overwhelmed again by desire, you slowly pushed him up your entrance.
You gasped, it felt so thick against your walls that it almost hurt you. Your body was trying to get used to him being inside you for the first time. Your eyes twitched in pain, and he reached both his hands to lay you on top of him, embracing you with his arms. You leaned your head on his shoulder, trying to muffle a whine. He was sliding smoothly in and out of your body, while placing little kisses on your shoulder, trying to comfort you. He was slow at first, speeding up with each thrust to let you get used to him. After a while, all your pain became pleasure, and your mind was only filled with him.
Starting to feel more comfortable, you arched your back, letting Erwin lower his lips until he reached your breasts again, but it didn’t take long for his head to tilt back exactly like you were doing, all possessed by excitement. You both were now embracing each other, mumbling your names in incomprehensible moans. You were wrapping his neck, your hands tangled in his hair, pressing his head close to you. You could hear him groaning in your ear.
You spread your legs at his side to get him even further, aiming to get more from him. He wasn’t in control of his actions anymore, thrusting at you fiercely, holding you tightly and exhaling your name. It sounded so good. You left out a loud groan when he hit your sweet spot. “E-Erwin!”, you screamed out loud, his name echoing at the room. He loved to hear you say his name, but this time it turned him completely crazy. His member grew harder, hitting you with much more passion. You were close. Trying to contain the sounds that wanted to leave your throat, you pressed your lips together, although in vain—you orgasmed with the following thrust, his eyes still focused on your gestures.
His climax was close, too, moving faster and harder inside your body, and he took your face with one hand, making you look at him. Your gazes crossed, and that way, just looking into each other, he filled you with a rush of hot semen. He left out a last, deep groan and rested his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. You lost the strength that was wrapping your arms around his neck, letting them fall at his side and staying like that for a few seconds.
Trying to recover your normal breathing, still on top of him with his length inside you, he placed a soft kiss on your jawbone and, lifting you slowly, he leaned you onto the mattress.
You were absolutely exhausted from the wild ride, feeling your entire body shivering, and you weren’t sure if you could even stand up. Goddess, he was so good. And after such a long day with barely any time to rest, you were all worn out. You didn’t even know if you could keep your eyes open for more than a few minutes, how were you supposed to get back to your room now?
Lost in your thoughts while your body was still trying to recover itself from the best night of your life, Erwin wrapped one arm around your back, holding you close. He smelled your hair for a moment before placing his chin on the top of your head, letting out a sigh. You curled up to him, placing one arm around his waist to touch him for one more time before having to leave that paradise.
“You still haven’t completely answered me,” he talked, his voice being a tender whisper not to disturb you. You frowned, trying to remember the question. “To what?”
“Is everything ok?” he repeated, and then, you remembered. You buried your face in his side, feeling the red returning to your cheeks. You were unable to put it into words and, trying to contain a shy smile, you nodded. He was caressing your back with his fingertips, as though you were the most delicate thing in the world. “Everything is perfect.” you finally mumbled, quite embarrassed.
Erwin didn’t answer, neither you couldn’t see his expression, so you let yourself go for a few more moments, feeling your body as it weighed a ton. You sighed. Why did you have to leave now? Maybe you weren’t as mature as you thought, maybe something carnal wasn’t enough for you. You frowned, feeling your eyes starting to get wet. Oh Sina, why now?
Suddenly, his voice took you off your thoughts. “Stay with me.” Your eyes widened in shock. You rose from his side and looking at him, face to face, you found him with his eyes closed and his face calmed, as though he was about to sleep. Noticing that he was being observed, he opened his eyes, never stopping caressing your soft skin.
“Tonight?” you hushed, still not believing his words. It was too good to be true.
“Tonight, and every night until we leave for the expedition,” he said, piercing his blue eyes on yours. He absolutely meant his words, it wasn’t something to joke about. Your heart pounded again, like wanting to leave your body. Your mouth opened, but you didn’t know what to say. You lowered your gaze, unable to keep holding his. “Is that a problem, [First]?”
“N-no,” you whispered, trying to organize your thoughts. “It’s just...” You bit your lip, and Erwin rose to sit next to you, waiting for a response. “I never thought that this could happen.”
He smirked so slightly that you could have never noticed. Taking one of your cheeks with his hand, noticing that the red tone also burned underneath, he made you rise your face to look at him. “What I meant before, about the expedition, is that I don’t want to waste more time.” You stared at him while processing his words, resonating in your mind. “We have always been in the middle of a war and, as I’ve never been sure about when would I die... I feel like the darkest times are about to come now.” You nodded, agreeing with him.
You have always felt death close whenever going outside the Walls, but now... It was different, you could also sense it. All those revelations, hopes... Something big was coming. He let his hand go of your face and lowered his gaze to look at the wrinkled sheets. “I never wanted to get involved with anyone because I always chose my responsibilities over it. I know that we’ve been close before, and I wouldn’t like to hurt you, but -“
“It’s okay, Erwin,” you whispered, placing one hand on his bare shoulder. You could feel him again letting go of his soldier attitude to let pass to the most faithful one that he used to show you when you two were alone, drinking tea at the kitchen or his office. “I didn’t expect anything to happen because we chose to be soldiers above all, and it’s our duty to keep our minds focused on the mission, not... heart matters.” Your voice was a hushed whisper with the last words, lowering your gaze again. His eyes widened while looking at you. As though you were talking to yourself out loud, you continued. “It’s okay if you wanted to have a bit of fun if you want to have... Until we leave for that battle.” He left out an incredulous chuckle that made you glance at him worried. Your hand fell from his shoulder, your insecurity showing up again: what was so funny to him that you didn’t know?
“I didn’t want to have a bit of fun,” he emphasized the same words that you have said before, still with an amused expression on his face. Then, piercing his blue eyes on yours, he calmed down again. “I wanted to know how it felt to love and be loved in return before I died.” Your mouth twitched, letting out a quick gasp. What...? “I aimed to tell you before we left from Karanese, I even had a plan.” He was serious about it, but the thought of it curved your lips into a smirk. He even planned things outside his work. “But my plan didn’t include finding you half-naked, all wet, running through the corridor.”
Now, he was the one smiling at the memory of the moment. You lowered your gaze, embarrassment coming back to your cheeks. “I’m human, after all. And I guess that you are too, seeing where the tea has led us, huh?” His face was lightened up by a huge, tender smile as he reached the back of your head with his hand, curling his fingers into your locks and pushing you forward. You felt his lips again, his warm mouth welcoming yours. He broke the kiss, leaving you in the air wanting for more, and he caressed your lips with his thumb instead. “I want to be with you, [First].” His eyes were following the trace of his thumb, almost dazed by it. “But on the field, we will still be soldiers, we will have to follow the plan even if it means my death, or yours. I cannot promise yo-“
“Do you really think that I didn’t expect that?” you started again, making his thumb stop at your chin. You raised an eyebrow, slightly offended by his words. You were a soldier too, and you knew that the mission, that winning this war, it was above anything. Above love, above family. You curled your right hand upon your heart, saluting him. “I said it when I graduated and I will always say it. I offer my heart to the cause, sir.” The look on your face was all serious. Erwin nodded again, and reaching your fist to part it aside tenderly, he leaned forward to kiss you again, lying you down on the mattress. You let your guard fall to surrender to his embrace. He was still holding your right fist from the salute while pulling aside some locks from your face with his other hand. He broke the kiss again, smirking with pride in his eyes.
That was the reason of why he had fallen in love with you a long time ago. He sensed your attitude and feelings towards him when you were both alone, and he also started developing them, feeling his heart unexpectedly bouncing whenever you smiled or just showed up at his office. But more than that, he admired the brave, powerful woman and soldier that you were always, offering your heart, your mind, your whole will to the cause. You’ve been fighting in the Corps with all your strength, following his orders and plans without even questioning them, not even once, you even managed to take care of him and ask for his health when you two were alone. You’ve been supporting him all these years, and he had fallen for you in the exact same way as you did, and he didn’t want to face death again, maybe for the last time, without knowing how it was to feel your warmth.
He laid on the bed again, holding you by your waist to pull you closer, and you curled up in his chest, feeling all the tiredness that you were carrying from even before getting into the bath that now seemed so far. Erwin started to caress your back again with his fingertips, tracing small circles and lines here and there. You were fighting to keep your eyes open for a little more, to not let you go to the dream’s land because you knew it wouldn’t be as good as how it was now. For the first time in forever, you thought that reality finally was better than fantasy, and you wanted to enjoy that moment. Your breathing began to get lower and deeper, your eyes closing inevitably.
Erwin sensed that you were starting to get sleepy and, placing a kiss on the top of your head, he silently wished you a good night. You didn’t get to see it, as you were already dreaming about something that you won’t remember in the morning, but his lips curved into a smile, still trying to process what just happened. He hasn’t felt that happy and pleased in a long time, and it was all thanks to you. Holding you tight against his bare skin, he lifted the sheets to cover you from the cold and looked at the window, placed on the wall beside. That way, contemplating the dark sky filled with flickering little dots and a full moon up among the darkness, he ended up joining you in your dreams. Or at least, he hoped.