Archive of Our Own

Jin stared mindlessly at the dishes he was washing. He could feel the tears threatening to fall. It had been six days. Six whole days since he had walked into Jaekyung hyung’s apartment to surprise him. Six days since he had walked in on him with someone else. Fucking.
He tries to be rational. He needs to be. They were not official and they never talked about being exclusive, but their arrangement had been going on for a few months now. Jin thought they were at least honest with each other.

He sat down on the floor and watched his tears fall on the wood veneer.

"Hyung, what are you doing?"

Fuck. Jin got up quickly and wiped his eyes.

"Ah Joon-ah, I didn't hear you coming. How was your workout? Did Kook-ah let you take breaks?” Joon looked at him carefully. "Good, same old. What's wrong?" Namjoon grabbed him by the arm, his eyes turning cold for a second.

"Did he do something to you?"

"What, no he didn… wait. How do you know about him?"

Jin’s shoulders tensed. He looked behind Namjoon, towards the hallway to his room. But he just lowered his head instead. Too many emotions were swirling in his mind and body. Joon seemed to notice and let go of his arm, his cheeks heating up.

"It's just… You don't have to worry. I came back home early once and I…"

"Oh my god, don't tell me you heard us…" Jin hid his face in his hands, his ears flaming up instantly, making the younger look at them.

'So cute'

Joon didn't mean to walk on them that one time he felt discouraged in his studio and went back to the dorm craving ice cream. He had just taken off his shoes when he heard a familiar voice, making not-so-familiar sounds. The slapping of skin could be heard from the entrance, and well, Joon was an adult. A sexually active one even - though it had been a while - so he knew what those sounds were, and he understood he had to leave but…

"Come on, move your hips more. You want it or not? Such a useless whore huh?" A slap of skin resonated in the dorm.

"Mmmh wann'it please, I’ll be good."

Joon understood. He truly did. But he felt angry. How dare this man speak harshly to his hyung? His hyung, who's always taking care of everyone. He deserves to be taken care of in return. To be worshipped. This man had no right to talk to Jin with such a condescending tone. If it was him, if Namjoon was…
Reality fell over him like a brick, and he left without making any noise, well, as best as he could; ashamed of his feelings, ashamed as he realised he would have very much enjoyed being the one pleasuring Jin. He wanted to be that man. Wanted to do all those things with Jin. Dear god, since when? Since when did his unconditional adoration for his older hyung turned into… This?
He still doesn't remember how he came back to the studio. All he remembers was the heat he felt and the release he was craving. Hand in his pants, ashamed, he imagined all he could have done in the place of that man.

Joon snapped off his reminiscence when a tiny whine left Jin's mouth. "Joon I'm so sor-"

"No, I didn't hear anything at all I promise!" He had to be careful with his words. "I saw two pairs of shoes in the hallway, figured you might have some company and went back from where I came, that's all." He tried to smile as best as he could. His strong hyung looked so tiny right now, stuck between the kitchen stove and him.
Jin looked at him from behind his hands and exhaled with difficulty. "Okay, I believe you. God, don't tell the others please, I'm so ashamed."

Namjoon wanted to comfort him so much, to make all the worries on his beautiful face disappear.

"Why would you be? There's nothing to tell."

"It's just… It's so dumb. We were getting to know each other. With, with that guy. And maybe I shouldn't have given myself so soon but… I still thought we had something. But Joon-ah, he was just playing. I went to his apartment last week, to surprise him, and he was not alone. He was, he-" Jin's words refused to come out, making way for tears that were threatening to fall from his worried eyes.

"Hey hey, it's alright, come here." Joon carefully took Jin's body in his arms, ready to pull away at any sign of discomfort. He patted the back of his hair gently.

"You don't have to accuse yourself of anything, you were two consenting adults. You wanted to know him and you wanted more, nothing wrong with that. You did nothing wrong here. He's the one who two-timed and played you."

Jin chuckled slightly and looked up, his eyes gleaming and Namjoon was finding it hard not to drown in them.

"Thank you Namjoon-ah, I know I shouldn't feel bad, but it feels good to hear it from someone else. Aah anyway, let's not dwell on that too much." Jin opened the embrace a little more but Joon's hand remained on his hips, the other on the kitchen counter. Jin wiped away the rest of his tears, Joon's strongest hyung, never wanting the attention on himself for too long.

"What about you? You never tell us about your love life."

Jin shifted a little while talking, Namjoon's hand moving involuntarily with it and ending up cupping the small of Jin's back, making his brain short-circuit.

" I… I…"

Jin punched him on the chest lightly like he always does, his hand resting there a little. He had to be careful, Namjoon thought again. He didn't want Jin to think he was interested in someone else, but he didn't want him to think he was not interested in general either.

"I'm… open for suggestions?" Jin's eyes widened, the corner of his lips quirking up. "What the hell Joon-ah, that's the weirdest answer I've ever heard in my entire life." His laugh was making Namjoon dizzy. And brave. He moved a stray lock of hair behind Jin's ear, making the oldest look at him, really look at him.

"Ah really?"

Something shifted in the air. Jin became aware of the parts of their bodies that were connected and he blushed profusely. He was not used to so much contact, the younger never being a touchy person.

"Aaah, I better be going before the kids come back and monopolise the bathroom - again." He fumbled a little on his feet. Namjoon rested his side on the wall, wanting to look attractive. He longed for the older man.

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

It was probably dumb. But Jin looked confused as he walked away, and maybe a little pink from something else than embarrassment. And it was a start. A start for Namjoon who decided he would do anything to make Jin realise he could be more for him. He promised himself that tomorrow, hell tonight, he'd start making little gestures to court Jin.

Yes, he was going to court him. He was confident with all his chest that he could take care of Jin. He could give him the love he has always wanted, the love he deserved. He was probably immature to think that. Conceited too. He knew he had to think carefully because he didn't want to hurt Jin with just horny feelings, no. He also had to make sure that his feelings wouldn't affect the group's balance.

But all he could think of right now was the ghost feelings of Jin's hips in his hand, of how close their lips were. And how strongly he had wanted to kiss him right here and there in the kitchen.

He smiled to himself. That would be his little secret.

*

Ever since that day, Namjoon started acting weird. Seokjin already had a hard time coming to terms with Namjoon knowing about his secret relationship but he convinced himself that, as the eldest, it was indeed okay for him to have his best friend know about his sex life.

He did try to avoid him the next few days, though.

Their relationship has always been special to him, a different bond from the ones he has with the other members. Every friendship in the group is unique and has a special place in his heart. Yoongi is his drinking buddy, and Hoba his comfort place. Jimin and Tae are his little demons, and Kookie the cutest of his little brothers (he did raise him for ten years, after all).

But Namjoon… It's a whole different matter. A delicate one.

He's the one he confides in the most. The strong leader with whom he can share a little of his burden as the eldest. But he's also this clumsy sweet person whose smile has his heart tighten in his chest. There's always been something more with Joon, something that makes Seokjin want to get closer. He sometimes caught himself wanting to reach for him, to touch him. And the fleeting touches and hugs they have exchanged over the years have left a burning imprint on his body. But he never wanted to dwell too much into it, afraid it might overflow and drown their friendship and group simultaneously.

Having said that, Seokjin noticed Namjoon was behaving differently now. It was nothing at first: the younger man seemed to draw closer whenever they were together in the same room. Joon looked at him intently whenever Seokjin talked or laughed, and looked away when the oldest caught him staring.
He thought it might be his imagination, but then Namjoon asked him if he could help in the kitchen, which was odd considering he could burn the whole place down by just starting the oven. Here and there, he started doing things for him like eggs and toast one morning, saying he thought Jin worked too hard these days. He fixed the bathroom tiles Seokjin had been complaining about for ages.

If that was not weird enough, Namjoon started walking around shirtless more, like he did when they first moved in together. But now that Joon was working out, the vision was… glorious. And it made it hard for Jin not to drool right here and there when he saw him getting out of the shower, grey sweatpants on and water drops falling from his nape on his meaty, meaty pecs.

Jungkook even whistled once, fascinated by the muscles his hyung had gained recently. Joon smiled shyly but was still proud of the compliment. He looked at Jin while doing so. Seokjin wanted to run away and jump into a pool filled with cold water, which didn't go unnoticed by the ever-so-perspicace Yoongi.

*

"So Namjoon got big huh," Yoongi said a couple of days later as they were the only ones in the dorm, drinking beers as usual. Jin tried to brush it off with a scoff and a laugh. "Yeah, he sure did, the lucky bastard."

"Makes you wonder how it all feels under your hands right?"

Seokjin choked on his drink. "Yoogi-aah, what did you just say?"

"Come on, hyung, we both know you've been looking at his chest the whole week, the others might be blind but I'm not." Ah, yes. Yoongi's bluntness when he was getting tipsy. It's something Jin is used to, but it seemed even stronger tonight.

" I… It's not what you think Yoongi. It's just that something happened between us and he's been acting weird ever since."

"Wanna talk about it? You know I'm always here to listen if you need me." It made Jin smile, his heart swelling a little, knowing how true it was that they were here for each other.
"I think I'm starting to see Namjoon in a new light and it scares me. Also, I learned he walked in on me and Jaekyung hyung going at it once, so I kinda wanna disappear from the surface of the earth."

Yoongi's eyes almost popped out from his skull, his cheeks already red from the alcohol and his exhibition long gone.

"Wait TMI. You did what? You brought this man in the dorm to fuck?"

Seokjin whined, hiding his face behind his beer. "You were all putting on an all-nighter and the kids had booked a hotel room to fool around and I felt lonely. I was a little drunk and called him over, that's all. How could I have known Joon-ah would come home early, it never happened befooore." Seokjin latched his head on Yoongi's shoulder, looking for sympathy. But Yoongi's smirk only got stronger, the little shit.

"Well, maybe he had to leave early because Hobi and I were getting too loud and he punched the door to tell us to tone it down." Jin was speechless. "You're joking right?" He was getting red all over.

"I sure am not." He took a sip from his bear. "Can't believe we had the same idea the same night and Joon had to suffer twice. I have no regrets though, it only enticed Hobi more to be heard, he fucked me so hard I felt him for days."

"TMI TMI!" Jin put his hands over his ears, his friend was always more than happy to traumatize him.

"Mmmh." Yoongi sat back and closed his eyes, relishing in the memory. "And he made me look at him when he shot his load in my mouth, I think I came just from that. Came so much I don't even remember."

"Yoongi-ah, I am begging you to shut up or I might die right fucking now."

The younger threw his head back and laughed, his elbows shaking lightly. "I can't help it, you're so cute when you're flustered. So cute, makes me want to bully you." Jin never talked to anyone about sex except Yoongi, but he never told him about his preferences, too ashamed to say out loud he wanted to be told he was good, to let go of everything and not be the oldest anymore.

But tonight he wanted to talk. He felt dizzy.

"Jaekyung hyung liked teasing me too. But in a bad way, I mean, in a way I didn't like. And I could never tell him, he always brushed me off saying I was being annoying."

Yoongi stopped smiling immediately.

"It's not that I didn't like it per se, it's just… He liked calling me names, calling me a slut or a whore, and I didn't like that. I wanted to be good, wanted to be told I was good. And the idea that Joon might have heard it and now has this image of me scares the shit out of me."

He felt like he could finally breathe for a second. There, he said it. He's been trying to push it all inside but nothing can stop it when he's too drunk and comfortable. Yoongi has always had this aura of calm that could make Jin reveal his darkest secrets.

"Hyung, you know Joon-ah would never ever think that of you right? Plus, you are free to want whatever you want. But what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Doesn't he know that boundaries have to be set in the bedroom? He cannot just latch his kink onto you like that, like…"

'Like you're a plaything.'

Jin didn't know what to say. The unspoken words were heavy between the two men, and it was making him anxious, making him want to cry.

"Hyung, you have to understand he had ill intentions. He played with you and you should be angry, not ashamed. You have every right to want what you want and nobody should have the power to tell you otherwise or gaslight you like that."

Yoongi's face was serious, but soft around the edges. Comforting Jin was now his priority. The older felt so thankful to have him in his life. To have his group with him. Although it didn't help stop the tears.

"Ah, Yoongi-ah you're so great. What would I do without you?"

"You'd probably be drinking alone and deciding to jump Joon_ah and swallow him whole." Yoongi was being playful again. Jaekyung's remnant slowly leaving the living room. Jin laughed while his tears ran down his rosy cheeks. "Don't give me ideas I might regret later. God Yoongi, have you seen him lately? Walking around the flat all naked and beautiful and, and…"

Jin couldn't be stopped anymore, all his repressed feelings for Namjoon spilling on the table and flooding the space around them. Yoongi sat back and smiled fondly, happy to see him finally letting loose, even if it meant he had to drink more to forget Jin's dirty thoughts.

"I swear there are some days I'm this close to biting his chest, like, it seems so full and plump. And maybe he's the kind to say what he wants and I could listen like a good boy and then be rewarded with his big co-"

The doors biped and cut Jin from permanently traumatising Yoongi and his poor ears. Joon stumbled into the living room, his exhausted face lighting up at the sight of Jin's pink one. Yoongi smirked and took another sip of his beer.

"Hyungs are drinking without me? How sad."

Joon went to the fridge to grab himself a drink while Jin stood frozen in his seat, not knowing if Joon had heard his not-so-pure rant. The younger one sat next to Jin. Their thighs touching.

"Hyung, are you alright?" He reached for Jin's cheek and swiped off some tears, worried. Jin was going numb under his touch, his eyes almost closing. Yoongi's deep voice woke him up.

"Hyung's been feeling stressed lately, he needed to vent a little and ended up crying like a baby."

"I'm not a baby." Namjoon and Yoongi chuckled at that. "Yeah right. Who cried because his favourite Mario plushie was destroyed by Yeontan?"

Jin looked so offended it was hilarious.

"Yah! That was ages ago! Why do you have to bring that up? Are you having fun teasing your hyung like that? Yes, I cried, so? Is there something wrong with that, huh, huh?" Jin's fists were up in the air like he wanted to fight. Namjoon looked at him fondly and thanked any god listening for bringing these men into his life.

The night went on quickly after that, the three of them talked about everything and anything. Yoongi never missed an opportunity to tease Jin and Namjoon never stopped smiling fondly. His arm was resting on the backrest of the couch, caging Jin a little. Feeling Namjoon's presence made the older man feel safe. Yoongi eyed them knowingly and decided to call Hobi to find out if he was going home or staying at the studio. Joon stayed silent while Yoongi made his call, afraid to break the moment if he ever moved an inch.

"Well, my baby's staying at his studio and he's aaall sad and alone. So, I have no choice but to go and warm him up if you know what I mean," he winked.

"Okay gross," Joon answered, "please stop fucking at the studio. I've been traumatised enough."

"But that only makes it more fun, you know? Plus, you won't be there so you have nothing to say. Now, if you allow me."

Namjoon was grateful that the company was used to the rappers pulling on all-nighters more often than not. Otherwise, how could Yoongi justify going there at 3 a.m.?

"Bye-bye suckers, don't do anything I wouldn't!"

"Hey, what do you mean by th-" The doors locked behind Yoongi, leaving Namjoon's sentence hanging in the air.

"What's wrong with him these days, this punk." Jin had been quiet ever since Yoongi's call, not used to hearing Namjoon talk about fucking like that. He felt all kind of hot right now and didn't know what to do with himself.

"Want me to help you to bed, hyung? You seem to be zoning out. Are you tired?" Jin snapped back from his trance and tried to laugh a little, failing. "Ah, sorry I don't think I feel so good. I should probably go and wash up."

"As you wish." Joon looked at him warmly. Jin tried to get up but felt dizzy from drinking, not realising how much he had since the night began. Joon caught him fast before anything bad happened, closing his arms around Jin's middle. The older one seemed to be in pain now.

"Hyung, did I hurt you?"

"Joon-ah, stop…you shouldn't be touching me like that, it's bad." Tears were threatening to fall again.'What a fucking baby', he thought, the voice in his head not sounding quite like himself.

"Why?" Joon was holding him even tighter now, not wanting to cross any boundaries but feeling liquid courage in his veins. Why would Jin say it's a bad thing? Can't Namjoon take care of him? Is he not good enough? Namjoon was starting to spiral and it showed on his face, his eyebrows almost meeting in a frown. Jin put his hand on one of his arms.

"Because… I don't want you to think I'm a baby. You must have enough of a bad idea of me now and I don't want to make it worse."

He looked so fragile at that moment that Namjoon was at a loss for words. He let Seokjin break free from the embrace and walk as straight as he could to his room. Namjooon gathered himself quickly and followed after him.

"Hyung wait. Why would you say I have a bad idea of you now?" The older man felt shy. He didn't want to face Joon and a potential rejection.

"Because! Because you heard me that time and you probably think I like being talked down to… and maybe you're thinking I'm, I'm a slut or something, and I can't bear the idea of-" he was crying for real now, wiping his face angrily with the back of his hands. He wanted to be anywhere but here right now. 
Behind him, Namjoon closed his eyes and tried to compose himself. His hyung was clearly in distress. He took a deep breath and sat on Jin's bed, facing him. The older wasted no time and turned away again

"Hyung, please look at me. I need to see you," Namjoon pleaded softly.

"No."

"Hyung, I promise I won't say anything bad and I won't laugh at you. I just want to see your face." It took a moment but Jin slowly turned around, his face red and his eyes slightly puffy from crying.

"Could you sit down with me, please?"

Jin pouted a little but complied. Joon looked at him, smiling. He had always thought Jin looked cute when drunk. Sometimes he looked intimidating, but when he really felt at ease, he had this cute air about him, one that screamed love and comfort. Maybe he wasn’t aware of it himself, but Joon decided to give it a go.

“Hyung, I need you to listen closely to what I’m about to say. Can you do that for me?” Jin’s eyes turned glassy for a second, his body freezing on the spot.

'Ye s. Yes, I can do that, I can be good.'

Joon smiled fondly, happy to have guessed it right. Jin realised he had said the last words out loud and felt his ears burn. He closed his eyes but stayed still, wanting to follow Namjoon's request.

“Sorry, I meant I’m listening.”

“Good then,” the younger tentatively took one of Jin’s hands, “you have to understand that I would never think badly of you, of whatever you do. Besides, what I heard that day was not meant for me to hear, it was yours and yours only. And it still is. So what I think should not matter to you, do you understand?”

“Yes.”

Jin’s voice was thin. Yoongi had said something similar to him earlier that night, but Seokjin found it hard to properly internalise these thoughts. Hearing it from Joon made them more tangible though. He really wanted to believe his two members. But still, something was bothering him.

Joon held his free hand up and brushed over Jin’s furrowed brows.

“What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t think it’s possible for me not to care about what you think. I mean, you’re one of the people I care about the most. Of course I don’t want you to think badly of me.” Jin’s pout came back stronger than ever. “And… And I don’t want you to think something that is not true… I don’t like being talked like you heard, I mean I don’t really know how much you heard, but it’s truly not my style being called useless or dumb-”

Jin was cut off by the younger placing his hand on his mouth.

“Please don’t.”

Joon’s grip tightened around Jin’s hand, his body tensing. He didn't want to think about all the names that man called his hyung. Jin snapped his hand free and got up again.

“See? I told you you’d feel this way! you think I’m disgusting too right?” Jin walked away, ashamed of himself. But Joon was quick to catch up with him.

“No, No! Hyung, listen to me. Where are you going?”

“M’gonna wash up and hide away in my bed. Now leave me alone.” His ears and nape were burning red, not the kind Joon liked to see on him. He stopped to compose himself for a second. He made a mistake again, fuck, why would he react so quickly like that? It’s far from everything Jin needs right now.
He heard noises from the bathroom. Jin was half crouched trying to gather what he had dropped on the floor. Joon exhaled quickly, finding it hard not to coo over the older man. 

“Hyung please, sit on the toilet, I’ll do it for you.”

“No I can do this, I‘m not good enough for anything but I can do this.” Jin looked so small, so sad. The leader couldn’t take it. He stooped in front of Jin and looked at his puffy face, he was still crying, still thinking he was worthless or whatever he thought he was.

“Hyung, please. Sit on the toilet, I’ll wash your face while you brush your teeth and I'll explain my reaction. Whatever you are thinking, that’s just not it. Please don’t put words I've never said in my mouth.”

Jin stopped moving his hands.

“I’m sorry…” He sat down like he was asked to and took the toothbrush Joon was handing him, a bit of toothpaste on it. He closed his eyes, fighting the urge to flee. He felt a cooling sensation as Namjoon spread the cleanser over his face with big, clumsy hands. He smiled to himself, trying to regain a bit of composure. It felt so good to be taken care of like that, it felt like he was in one of his deepest dreams. It’s silly, really. It’s an act so mundane having his face washed, but he could feel how Joon was being careful, probably not used to doing it to someone else but trying his best nonetheless. He opened his eyes a second and saw the younger sticking out his tongue, his eyes focused on him. He closed his eyes as quickly, endeared and relaxing a little under the younger’s touch.
The moisturiser applied, Jin rinsed his mouth and stood closer to the sink, a little dazed from all the attention. The leader noticed his slight flush and smiled fondly, taking advantage of the quieter ambience. He brushed Jin’s hair lightly with his fingers and tried to catch his eyes.

“Are you ready to put on pyjamas and go to bed? I’ll explain everything then, okay?"

Jin nodded quietly, he felt calmer now. He glanced at Namjoon, his bid doe eyes making the younger’s heart flutter. “Okay, okay let’s go,” before Joon did something he might regret later. In Jin's room now, Namjoon made it his mission to find something comfortable for his hyung to wear.

“Hyung, would this one be okay? Ah, maybe something brighter for you? Shorts or pants?”

Jin’s heart fluttered watching Namjoon take care of him this way. He felt soft and… dainty.

'I want him to see me as pretty.'

The alcohol seemed to have a reverse effect on Jin, not disappearing but intoxicating him more as he looked at Joon. In his hazy mind, Seokjin did the only rational thing he could think of and took off his shirt.

“Hyung what about- oh my god what are you doing?” Jin's pants were gone and he was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts now. He was a vision. Strong muscles, broad shoulders, and legs for days. Rivers of soft skin that Namjoon wanted to taste and explore. Presently, he had his hands on his eyes, his fingers spread slightly apart. He was blushing profusely. He saw Jin reach for something in the back of the lowest drawer. Something that looked… like silk? And pink?

He was sure he died and went to heaven because no way was he watching Jin take off his underwear to put on a beautiful pink ensemble. He slid a very small and very revealing pink shorts, lace grazing his long and alluring legs. Jin was more clumsy while putting on the matching button-up top, forgetting he could have just unbuttoned it. But Joon would not be the one to complain, capturing in his mind every inch of Jin’s body, every movement. The action of lifting his arms made the muscles on his sides elongate. Namjoon was hard as a rock and shame burned his face.

'What are you doing, you’re supposed to take care of him and put him to bed.'

But he would have lied if he said Jin wasn’t as hard as him. His cock was tenting the soft material and made both a beautiful and alluring picture appear before the younger's eyes. Joon cleared his throat and lightly slapped his face. He reached for Jin’s hand, feeling it shiver against his own.

“You look beautiful, hyung. Would you come with me to bed?”

Jin was slipping further and further into this fuzzy state. He felt light and dizzy, his vision a little blurry. He followed Joon and slipped inside his bed. The younger man sat next to him on the side of the bed. Jin looked at him, puzzled.

“Not… coming in?”

Joon’s eyes went wide for a second. He was trying so hard to hold on to his composure. He wanted to be the bigger person here and make Jin feel comfortable and taken care of.

“You want me here with you?”

“Ngh.” Jin closed his eyes, a little bashful, and opened the bedcover for him.

The younger only hesitated for a moment, accepting his fate and finding it good to die in such a warm bed, because dying he would if Jin kept being so alluring like that.

“Thank you, hyung. It’s really warm.”

Jin turned to his side a little and snuggled up against him, his hand sliding over Namjon's chest and curling in his shirt.

'Good gods, how do I get his attention now?' He himself found it hard to think clearly, his hyung felt so hot against him.

“Jin, I need you to listen carefully to what I’m going to say next. Can you do that for me?” 

The absence of honorifics was enough to pull the older out of his state, his attention now on Joon’s lips.

“I’m listening."

"Alright then. The reason why I asked you to stop talking earlier is because I didn't want to remember the names that man called you. To tell you the truth, I did hear you a little that day." The leader gathered enough courage to tell him the details without blushing too much. " I… I came home that day, heard some familiar, hum, noise and heard him ask you if you, well, wanted it and that you were… the thing you said before. I left right after that, I promise."

Namjoon seemed sincere at that moment, his look heavy, and it took Jin a little aback. He was glad, in a way, that Joon didn't hear the rest of his affair. He was ashamed enough for a lifetime. But Jin still had whiplash talking about sex with Namjoon. Sure they had talked about their sex lives once or twice but it had been when they were all together and a little tipsy. They never talked about it snuggled like this.

"Okay, I believe you. I'll try to forget about it if you're okay with that."

Joon's heart was pounding in his ears. His chest tightened.

'I don't want to forget, not when it has brought us closer like this.'

Jin's eyes went wide. Fuck, did he just say that out loud?

"Closer… like… this?"

"Yes, like this," Namjoon said in a breath. Now was not the time to be a coward.

"Hyung, I… I would be lying if I said I've never thought of you in that way. And to be completely honest, I felt jealous of this guy, of him having this sort of relationship with you. I even thought I could do better than him, that I could pleasure you better. I'm sorry, you can reject me right now and we'll never talk about this again, but you have to understand I have these kinds of intentions towards you."

Jin didn't know what to say. He was burning. His whole body was on fire. His heart was threatening to swell outside of his ribcage.

'Joon… wants me? He really wants me? I'm not disgusting? But am I worthy of his attention?'

He was spiralling again. Why was it so hard to feel worthy of love? Of someone's attention? Namjoon's voice brought him back to the present time.

"Ah, but you have to understand I don't want you only like that. I mean, I would be happy if you only wanted me this way. In fact, I would be happy if you wanted me at all. But I'm not just here for your body or a good fuck. I'm serious about you and if you allow me, it would be an honour to be with you in more than one way."

Namjoon hoped he managed to convey his feelings over, however awkward they might have sounded. Seokjin, on the other hand, was getting back into his foggy space. It's like the bigger part of his mind was stuck on Joon saying 'a good fuck' while the smaller part was processing the more-than-it-should-be serious confession. He was trembling. His whole body was but a big electrical wire. Listening to Namjoon use this kind of language was like edging for him. And he was on the verge of coming. Everything felt too much. Joon's words, his strong body, his warmth. He was unconsciously slowly rutting against the younger and exhaling heavily. His eyelids felt heavy.

It didn't go unnoticed. Namjoon chuckled a little.

"Have you listened to anything I've said?"

Jin swallowed with difficulty. "I did… I did. I'm just not used to you saying things like 'good fuck'." He hid a little more in Joon's shirt.

"I see. And did you like it?" His hands were slowly roaming over Jin's sides and back. "I could be a good fuck if you'd want. We'd have to talk about it before of course, about your likes and dislikes. But I'd treat you right. I'd… fuck you good."

Jin squirmed involuntarily. Namjoon smirked.

"I take it that dirty talk is okay, right?"

Jin nodded diligently, feeling overwhelmed. He continued to rub against the other man, loving Namjoon's hands on him. His breath was ragged and he was biting his lips.

"I want to be a good fuck. For you. I want to be good for you."

Namjoon's eyes darkened. He grabbed his hyung's hips tightly. "Yeah? You want to be good for me? Be a good boy for me?" He pushed Jin slightly on his back and put his weight on his forearms. He aligned his hips with Jin's and pressed on them tentatively.

"Hng yes, a good boy, I wanna…" His breath was cut off by Joon moving his hips forward, his erection sliding along his. He gripped the younger's arms, trying to stay afloat.

"Then why don't you go ahead and come? Show me how cute you are when you're gone. My pretty, pretty baby."

The pet name, along with the adoration in Joon's eyes were all it took for Jin to tip over the edge. He squeezed Namjoon's arms and came in his boxer shorts, the pleasure so great he saw stars behind his eyelids. Joon only smiled.

"That's my good boy. Next time look at me when you do it so I can see how good you felt, yeah?"

Jin didn't dare open his eyes, he was too far gone to do anything but just lay there. He felt his leader get closer to his ear, staying there for a second and enjoying Jin's scent. "Now go to sleep hyung, you deserve it."

Jin felt these last words float around in his mind, he was feeling so sated and warm. He fell asleep, then. The younger man laid on his back next to him, his eyes big.

'I did it. I managed to make him feel good.'

He couldn't believe what just happened. He was still rock hard in his pants but he felt so fulfilled. He felt as if he had won the lottery. 'Jin has let me touch him, I felt his cock and made him come.' He regretted not having kissed him. He hoped there would be a next time.

He got up as silently as he could and went to the bathroom, his dick hard and throbbing. He leaned against the cold tiles and allowed himself to think about his dirtiest thoughts. He pictured Jin's body he had against him a moment ago, his lips, and thought of what he wanted to do with them, where he wanted them on his body. His hand slid in his pants, past his boxers. He stroked himself earnestly. He needed to come quickly if he wanted to return to Jin's side. He felt hot all over. He imagined Jin sucking his cock with his plump lips. His damn lips. Maybe one day he'll allow him to fuck his mouth. Fuck, they need to talk about this. About them. He wanted to kiss him so badly, wanted to eat his ass, hear his hyung moan, give him as many orgasms as possible and then fuck him hard, all sensitive and pliant.

"Fuck," he came in his hands, grunting as quietly as possible. It took him a while to catch his breath, the pleasure still flowing through him in waves. 

He looked at himself in the mirror after cleaning himself and splashing water on his face.

'I need to behave. I need to prove how good I can be for him. He'll never want to see anyone else after me.'

He still had a long way to go, but he was ready.