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Waking up in his room, Atsushi stared at the bare ceiling. Cold light shone onto him from outside, peeking in through the curtains and disturbing his sleep.
Well, not like he’d slept that good anyway.
He lay there for a while, unmoving, just thinking. He was so tired, still on guard as if something was going to happen. As if he was gonna loose them again.
Atsushi was exhausted, he wanted nothing more than to sink into his futon and never leave, but he couldn’t.
On second thought, he could. The Agency was ,understandably, not back in business yet. Atsushi knew some members would come in, just for company and a sense of normalcy, but today he was too tired.
When he snapped out of his thoughts he didn’t know how long he had been laying there. He looked at the time, 11:40pm. That was longer than he usually slept, not that anything was normal right now.
He pushed himself up into a sitting position and shakily stood up. Dragging himself to the kitchen, he managed to heat up some Chazuke before sitting down to eat.
His mind started racing again, he was anxious. He remembers everything so horribly detailed. The sword goung through Kunikida’s heart, he couldn’t believe it at first.
There wasn’t time to process anything before there was a sword through Jun’ichirō’s skull, and Jun’ichirō had looked at him, then he’d smiled as he faded away.
Kenji’s innocent and hopeful smile as he cracked like glass, glass just as fragile as the happiness of a fourteen year old kid. They were back now, but those memories. Seeing his friends, his family, die right before his eyes was bound to stay ingrained into his mind.
And then him, Akutagawa Ryūnosuke. Atsushi hadn’t seen him since the incident, (in his defence, he had a lot on his plate) but he’d heard enough about him to know that he was okay.
Maybe ‘okay’ was a stretch, he thought, but he’s alive. And Atsushi truly couldn’t wish for more.
He knew that he’d have to contact him eventually, but his phone was destroyed and he didn’t know Akutagawa’s number from memory.
Having finished his food, he just stared at it.
He didn’t know what he and Akutagawa were, friends sounded wrong, rivals? Atsushi didn’t know if rivals usually died for each other, but what did he know?
He’s pretty sure they don’t though, seems a little dumb to die for someone you hate.
And yet, he did. Atsushi remembers it as if it was happening again, as if he was back on that ship. He sees the blood coming out of the wound on Akutagawa’s throat.
Ryūnosuke, who never smiled. Ryūnosuke who had smiled as he told him to get away from there, to run. And then he came back, as a vampire. And when he thought he was back, he had forgotten him.
Atsushi remembers seeing him after the fight before passing out, he was bloodied and bruised, but he was unmistakably alive.
Standing up and dragging himself back to his room, he heard a faint knock on the door.
Huh, an agency member maybe ? Dazai, if he had to guess. Stumbling towards the door, he heard a knock again, louder this time.
“I’m coming!” he called out.
Reaching the door and opening it, he was, in fact, not met with the sight of Dazai. Instead, he was there.
Atsushi simply stared. There he was, his rival-friend? He didn’t know. Akutagawa looked the same as last time Atsushi had seen him. He wasn’t as pale as he’d been as a vampire, but he’d always been sickly pale, so it didn’t make a big difference.
His big dark eyes reminded him of black holes, black holes that would suck him in if he stared for too long. His black hair looked washed, there was no dried blood in it anymore. No blood derived from the people he’d drained.
He wasn’t wearing his work attire, instead a white blouse with frills. Akutagawa did always like frills, didn’t he? Atsushi thought. He wore a pair of black jeans witch black boots, and over his blouse was a black hoodie. Considering he’d never seen him with something like a hoodie, this probably shocked him more than it should.
“Akutagawa..?” Atsushi barely managed to get out, what was he doing here?
“Jinko.” He answered simply with a nod, looking right through him.
Atsushi gestured for him to come in, stepping aside for him. Akutagawa entered, and Atsushi closer the door behind him.
“How have you been?” Atsushi asked him quietly, glancing over at him, he looked back.
“I’ve been fine, i suppose” He answered stiffly “How about you, Jinko?”
Atsushi looked at him for a moment “I guess I’ve been.. fine, too. As fine as you can be after all of that, at least” he answered.
Akutagawa simply nodded in response, and went to sit down on his couch. Atsushi stared at him, there was so much he didn’t know about the man in front of him. His hair looked so soft, Atsushi almost wanted to reach out and touch him. He was wearing a turtleneck blouse, Atsushi realised. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.
For not the first time he realised that Akutagawa Ryūnosuke was gorgeous. He was just as gorgeous as the day he’d died. His peaceful face had been stained with blood and yet, it had been the most captivating thing he’d seen. It had also destroyed him. Something so beautiful, someone so ethereal, dead. Stained by the dark red of his own blood.
“Do I have something on my face?” Akutagawa asked, snapping Atsushi out of his trance.
“No I-“ he started “I’m so relieved… the last time i saw you-“ he stopped, glancing over at the older man.
He stared at the tiger man for a moment “You’re.. relieved, why?” he asked finally.
“Well, you- you died” he cut himself off “I was so worried…”he quietly mumbled.
Akutagawa stared at him, silently questioning him, why? Atsushi didn’t answer, instead he sat down next to him on the couch.
“Why did you do that?” He whispered.
Akutagawa looked at him “What?” he replied, eyes burning into his own.
“On the ship- I don’t.. why would you do that?” Atsushi questioned him, he didn’t answer at for a while.
“You truly are a fool, Jinko” He mumbled softly, Atsushi turned to look at him. Akutagawa was already looking at him with those deep eyes of his, and as his light eyes met his he couldn’t take it anymore.
He felt his throat seize up and his eyes watering as he looked at him. Akutagawa, The Port Mafia’s attack dog, the man Atsushi had promised to kill. Ryūnosuke, the man who’d died for him. When he thought about it now, there wasn’t a chance he could go through with that promise.
Akutagawa’s eyes slightly widened ”Jinko..? Are you- …okay?” he awkwardly asked, there was no hostility in his voice anymore.
Atsushi didn’t know what he was doing, but the sight of the man who’d died for him was too much and he flung himself onto him. Gently draping his arms around his neck, the very place the sword had drawn blood.
The older man stiffened under him, but eventually relaxed into his arms. “Jinko?” he mumbled into his hair.
“I-I’m sorry…” he got out “I’m so so-sorry, Ryūnosuke…” He shakily whispered.
Ryūnosuke froze at the name, but decided not to comment on it “You have nothing to apologise for, it was my decision” he paused “Atsushi…”
Soft sobs could be heard from the younger man as he buried his head into Akutagawa’s collarbone. He simply brought his hand up to his white hair and gently carded through it, Ryūnosuke wasn’t a gentle person, but he could learn.
After calming down, Atsushi sat up and looked at him. He only now realised that he was sitting in Akutagawa’s lap. And said mans hand was in his hair, while the other was gently holding his waist.
“I missed you..” Atsushi breathed out.
Akutagawa hummed, and looked into his eyes. “Are you okay, Atsushi?” he asked.
He paused “I don’t think either of us are, Ryūnosuke…” Atsushi sighed, bringing up a hand to absentmindedly brush a piece of pitch black hair out of Akutagawa’s face.
He felt the older mans face heat up under his touch, a slight blush painting his cheeks. Pretty, Atsushi thought, and leaned in closer. Ryūnosuke moved his hand up to Atsushi’s long hairpiece, gently twirling it around.
Looking into each other’s eyes, a silent question from Atsushi’s gaze filled the room, can i kiss you? A slight nod from Ryūnosuke was all he needed.
Leaning closer, Atsushi looked into those dark eyes. When he’d first met Ryūnosuke, they’d been dark. And at first glance it still seemed that way. Avoid of any human emotion except for anger. The rage he held against the world.
But now, looking into those same eyes, he saw so much more. The way light shone in his eyes, there was hope in those eyes. They weren’t empty pools of darkness, they weren’t black holes threatening to suck you in.
They were the night sky, the pitch black sky. Littered with stars, small rays of light, waiting to be found if you were patient. They were too beautiful to look away.
Leaning closer, he finally felt their lips collide. It was gentle, it was longing. Akutagawa brought the hand in Atsushi’s hair down to his waist, brining him closer. Atsushi brought both of his hands to bury in Ryūnosuke hair.
Pulling apart from the kiss, they both looked into each other. Not just at each other, Atsushi felt like Ryūnosuke was staring into his soul, and he accepted it without a second thought.
He accepted the horrified child turned adult inside him, the same boy who’d been wronged by the world. But also the same boy who’d lashed out, used his claws to claim a life.
And Atsushi did the same, he saw Ryūnosuke for what he was. A scared child turned mafia member at a too young age, the boy who’d only wanted his sister’s safety. The boy who’d craved acceptance and approval so bad he’d taken hit after hit. The same boy who’d grown into a serial killer, who’d hurt his own mentee. But also a man with limited time left, who was sick and dying. A man who deserved love, despite what he’d done.
Gently kissing his temple, Atsushi ran his fingers through Ryūnosuke hair. He felt the mans hands tighten around his waist, and so, he melted into the arms of the man who’d died for him.