Chapter Text
"Strangers, to lovers, to enemies
And I'll dance with your ghost
in the living room
And I'll play the piano alone
But I'm too scared to delete
all our videos
'Cause it's real once everyone
knows
Could've atleast shown me
some decency
Done me a favor and packed up your
clothes
Falling in love, no, it ain't for the
weak,
so don't try this at home."
-"In the Kitchen"-
Darry's POV
______________
"I love you Darry."
Darry's never smiled so big. Here he is, standing face to face with the man of his dreams. The one he had fought so hard for. The one who was worth it. All the pain, suffering and heartache.
Paul was worth it.
"I love you too, Paul."
Darry's hands reached Paul's face and his thumb stroked his cheek. They had finally did it. They can live their lives in peace. Together.
He had a feeling this would happen. He had never lost hope that their love would find it's way back to each other again. Even after trial upon trial of tests, it seemed as if it were all behind them now. Nothing could be more perfect than this.
He looked into Paul's deep blue eyes. But something was different. There was a shimmer he's never seen before. It wasn't like a shimmer that you'd get when you're excited about something. It's the gaze you'd have if you were unfocused. Detached from reality.
This deeply unsettled Darry at a level he couldn't understand. He was growing increasingly concerned for him. Paul's smile seemed to be masking whatever was going on in his head. Darry pulled his hands away
from Paul's face.
"You okay?"
But Paul stayed still, his grin unwavering. Darry cocked his head before taking a step back. Paul's eyes were locked in on the spot Darry used to stand. Like he wasn't even looking at him anymore. He was looking through him.
Darry's heart rate spiked, as a feeling of uncertainty washed over him. Something's wrong.
"Paul?"
Darry looked around. The trees had started to bend and the ground began to shrink.
He reached out for Paul, who only stood there, smiling, as Darry seemed to get swallowed up by the grass underneath him.
"PAUL!"
______________________
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Darry bolted awake, a shein of sweat covering his face. His arm reached out and lazily hit the snooze button on his alarm. This was the third time this week he'd dreamt about Paul, each dream just as vivid as the last.
He didn't know why these dreams kept occurring, or why he feels like he sees Paul everywhere now, all he knew was that he's tired of it. He can't keep wanting something he can't have. Besides, Paul hates him, so it's no use spending his time running back to someone who clearly wants to forget the past.
Darry rolled out of bed. He had to get ready for work. Hopefully this will take his mind off of things. For the moment, at least.
After putting on his everyday attire, he hurried to the kitchen to whip up something quick before his brothers, well, Pony, headed off to school. It wasn't anything fancy of course, they didn't have that kinda money, but it was decent enough to get them through until lunch. He decided on scrambled eggs, a fan favorite in the Curtis household, for its easy to make nature, and it's cheap price. He finished them up, plating Soda's with grape jelly, and Pony’s plain. He poured them each a glass of milk before yelling for Soda to hurry up. After Soda scarfed down his food, he followed his big brother out the door and they headed off for work.
The day moved by slow for Darry, as it usually does. Lugging roofing around all day isn't the most fun job in the world. But it does pay the bills, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
Even though he never really "hated" his job, today he was especially off his game. He'd been roofing since the day he turned 16, so it didn't make sense to him why he was slipping up so much.
"Curtis!" one of his coworkers laughed, "you tryna kill me or something?"
Darry looked down and noticed he'd dropped his hammer, nearly hitting the poor guy.
"Sorry!" he called back, but his voice quivered.
What was up with him?
Paul's POV
______________
As Paul slipped on his shoes, he couldn't stop the smile growing on his face. Bob had invited him to hang out at the park. While it was a small, almost meaningless gesture, Paul was happy to be getting out of the house. He's been cooped up for too long, and he's spent too much time with himself, alone with his thoughts.
Less than ten minutes later, he's there. He sees Bob in the distance, holding something he can't quite make out. As he approaches him, Bob smiles.
"Long time no see, my man!" he gives Paul's shoulder a pat before setting down the object he had been carrying.
Upon finally noticing what it was, a shiver ran down Paul's spine. A football. But not just any football, Paul and Darry's football. But before he could ask where Bob had gotten it, he had already picked it up and walked away, getting ready to throw it to him.
As the football flied through the air, Paul's mind began to race. 'It's just a football', he told himself, 'and nothing more.'
Before he knew it, the ball was in his hands, and like a fool, he checked it over. He could see the marker ink from where Darry and Paul had written their names. Underneath that, a sentence Darry had written just for him.
"Paul," it read, "wherever you go, that's where I'll be. I'll love you forever,
-Your Dar-"
Paul felt like he was gonna be sick. He dropped the football and held his queasy stomach. Bob called out to him but everything seemed to be drowned out. Without any time to hide himself, he threw up on his shoes.
So much for having fun.
________________
He had walked home that night, not wanting Bob to see him like this. He knew he was worried for him, but Paul didn't seem to care. It was Darry that was on his mind.
He wanted so badly to run into his arms, and stay there forever. To dream about their future, and where life would take them. But it wasn't that easy. Darry would never accept him back into his life, nor did Paul expect him to. He hurt Darry real bad, and he knows that. He would take it all back in a second if he could. The calls he left unanswered, the missed opportunities, the broken promises. All of it.
Paul's hands trembled, clutching the football he couldn't seem to let go of, as he desperately wished Darry were here to kiss all his worries away.
He knew that would never happen though, and that's what killed him. He felt that nauseous feeling in his stomach again, and stepped off the sidewalk into the bushes, where he coughed out what was remaining of his breakfast.
Oh well, Paul thought, I wasn't planning on eating today, anyways.
Darry's POV
________________
When Darry returned, the absense of people was strong. It was an unusual day where no one was home. Ponyboy was at the rehabilitation center visiting Johnny, who would be back home, if he really even had one, in no time. Soda was working overtime with Steve, their plans afterward unknown. The rest of the gang were finally bumming around somewhere else for a minute. Darry was alone.
He got to cleaning, like he normally does. He made a mental checklist. Dishes, done. Kitchen, done. Living room, done. Bedrooms, done...
He ran through the list multiple times before realizing he really didn't have anything left to do.
He sat down in his recliner, which felt almost wrong of him, and leaned his head back. He let his eyes fall closed.
"Hey Dar" a voice whispered. It was Paul.
Darry's eyes shot back open and he looked around. No one was there. His sleepy brain had gotten the best of him once again.
He shook his head and sighed, a part of his heart feeling heavy. Was it wrong of him to maybe wish Paul were actually here?
He stood up. He couldn't let that happen again. He knew his aching for Paul was too strong, but there was nothing he could do about it. He needed to move on, but he wasn't sure if that was something he could manage.
He couldn't just move on. Not from something like this. No person in the world could make him feel like Paul does, or, did.
He doesn't just want him back anymore. He needs him back. He can't move forward without him by his side.
Like he used to say, wherever Paul goes, that's where he'll be.
Paul's POV
______________
Paul layed on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The spot that lay next to him abnormally cold. He couldn't sleep. Not just because of the pain in his stomach, but also the pain in his heart. Yeah sure, he missed Darry every single day, but he used to have liquor and cigarettes to cover it up. Not that he doesn't have those things anymore, their effects just aren't enough to hide the truth.
Paul wants to tell Darry how much he misses him, he really does, but the thought of how Darry would react terrifies him.
'He probably thinks I'm a monster,' he thought, 'and he wouldnt be wrong.'
Paul rolled over on his side and began fiddle with his blanket, the brown tattered football in the corner catching his eye. He got up and grabbed it, making his way back to the bed. He layed down, drawing it close.
He found the part where Darry had written his name. He kissed it before holding it to his heart. Paul finally drifted to sleep.
____________________
The next day was like any old day for Paul. Get up. Lay back down. Do nothing. That was until he got a call from Bob to meet him down at the park again. He didn't particularly want to go, but to ease Bob's worries, he would.
He crawled out of bed, and put on a sweater. He still didn't feel all too good from yesterday, but he pushed it aside. Today he would let himself have fun, without thinking about Darry. If that was even possible.
He grabbed his shoes and headed out the door, ready for a fresh start. He completely embarrassed himself the day before, and didn't want history to repeat itself.
He found Bob at the same place as yesterday. He walked over to him and smiled, expecting to see the same smile back, but Bob's smile was different. Paul knew he was up to something. Paul chuckled, "What's that look for?"
But Bob didn't answer, and instead let out a whistle. Before Paul knew it, five soc boys were surrounding him. He looked around, as his eyebrows knitted together. He gave each of them a confused look.
"Don't think I didn't see what you wrote on that football, Paul." Bob spat out bitterly.
It took Paul a second to figure out what he had meant, but when he did, his eyes went wide.
"Didn't know you were one of them."
One of who? Paul wanted to bite back, but his mouth couldn't move. The boys inched closer to Paul, their smiles wild and reckless.
"You'd think we'd ever be friends with a faggot?"
The boys grabbed Paul's arms and held them back, one of them putting his hand over Paul's mouth. Bob stepped forward, nearly centimeters away from him. He whispered, his voice low and dangerous.
"You know what we do to faggots, boys."
Paul heard an all too familiar click and seconds later the swtichblade dug its way into his chin. He tried to scream, but their grip on him was too tight. The socs began to kick him, Bob still cutting, until he was down on the ground. They jammed their fists into Paul's eyes, giving him bruises he knew would last for weeks, if not months.
The one who was holding his mouth suddenly sprinted off, giving Paul time to yell.
"DARRY!" He cried, before a sharp kick to the side shut him up.
The boy returned, yielding a giant stick. Paul's heart dropped. He looked up at him, trying to wriggle free. The boy geared up, holding the stick far above him. Paul's breathing was rapid, as he shook his head in a pleading manner. The boy snickered.
The next thing Paul heard was a crack, and everything went dark.
Darry's POV
______________
Darry greeted his brothers as they came home. He was glad to have some company, even if he would have to send them off to bed soon anyways. It had been a long day, and he was glad it was over. Work was the same as the previous day, boring for sure, but he seemed so distracted. Like every thing had gone in one ear and out the other.
Shaking his head he walked over to Pony and Soda's joint bedroom. He needed to take his mind off of things, so he decided to go for a drive. Drives always seemed to calm things down and clear his thoughts. The only other thing that could do that was Paul, but he knew that wasn't an option, especially since these thoughts were about him.
He knocked on their door and they opened it. He smiled softly at his kid brothers, and they gave him a soft smile back.
"I'm gonna go for a drive, but I'll be back in no more than an hour." he said. Darry knew that they were concerned for him, so he reassured them it was no big deal.
"Just to get my mind offa things, that's all. It's not about y'all though, trust me." he gave them each a kiss on the head, before exiting their room. Grabbing his keys, he headed out the door, tasteing the crisp, cool air that surrounded him. The car started up and he drove away, letting the road take him where ever it wanted.
He mindlessly wandered through his town, the town he knew like the back of his hand. He ended up driving past Pershing Park. Nothing was out of the ordinary, he'd driven past it more times than he could count. The only thing he associated that park with was the rumble.
But this time was different. It was like the road was begging him to go there, like something had changed, even though Darry knew it hadn't. He never doubted the road though, so we went along. When he arrived there, planning on just driving by, he rolled down the windows and let the breeze hit him. He looked around, taking in the scenery, nothing was different.
Except, there was a skinny boy, bleeding and bruised, lying towards the end of the field, limp and lifeless. When Darry had spotted him his heart stopped. He would recognize that sweater from anywhere.
He abruptly stopped his car and ran over to the boy that he could only presume was Paul. When he got to him, Darry shaked. He was bad. Really bad. Darry whispered to him.
"Paul?"
He didn't get a response. Darry began to panick. It was wrong of him to help a soc, but he couldn't leave him like this. He was his friend, after all, and more than that. Even if Paul had broke his heart a million times, it wouldn't stop Darry from loving him. That was just something he couldn't do.
He put two fingers up to Paul's neck to check for a pulse. Thankfully, he found one. Being extremely careful, he hoisted Paul over his shoulder, and headed back to the car.
He layed him down in the backseat and checked over his injuries. He would be okay until they got back home, there he could stitch him up. Who could've done this? He wondered silently as he stepped back into the drivers side. He started up the car, and sped back to the house, not even caring that blood was now staining his cushions. He just hoped that Paul didn't care that Darry was the one saving him.
_______________
When they arrived back to the Curtis house, Darry ran inside. He didn't want Ponyboy and Soda to worry, or know that Paul was here, so he sent them off to bed. With a huff from Pony, they layed down, trying to convince Darry to let them stay up. But he was firm with them. There was no changing his mind. They both groaned and mustered up a goodnight before shutting the lights off and falling asleep.
Darry sprinted back to the car and picked up Paul, trying to not jostle him too much. Paul's blood seeped through his clothes. He had cuts and bruises almost everywhere. Darry took him to the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet seat. Sure, Darry had seen his fair share of gore from patching up his greaser buddies, but this time it hurt a lot more than before. Maybe it was because he didn't seem to deserve all this pain, or maybe it was the fact that it was Paul. He sure didn't plan on them reuniting like this.
Darry got to work, starting with his chin. He had a nasty, deep wound that stretched to the bottom of his neck. It could have only been done with a switchblade. Darry grimaced as he put ointment on the cut, placing gauze and tape over the top. He then moved on to his abdomen, which had bruises scattered around multiple areas. He ran into the kitchen and made an ice pack, coming back and gently pressing it into the bruises. He could hear Paul groan, which was a good sign, but he still wasn't fully conscious.
He continued patching him up for around an hour. Darry knew every inch of Paul's body, so it wasn't hard to get him what he needed. When he finished, he lifted Paul up and layed him down on the couch, careful to keep him from hurting. Darry stayed there for a while and sat down on the edge of the coffee table, watching the rhythmic motions of Paul's chest rising up and down. As much as he loved being in Paul's company, he was terrified of what he would say when he woke up. And speak of the devil, he did.
Paul's POV
______________
Paul's eyes fluttered open slowly. He didnt remember any of the past 2 hours. He looked around trying to get a sense of his surroundings. He was still at the park, right?
He looked to his right, expecting to see the abundance of woods, when he saw something that could only be from his imagination.
"Darry?"
He brought his hands up to wipe his eyes, which in turn caused him pain. He winced and put his arms back down.
"Hey try not to move too much okay, I just got done fixin' you up." The gentle voice said, which Paul now knew for sure was Darry.
"What happened?" Paul asked, still not sure of what in the world was going on.
"You tell me! I was drivin' along the road and I saw you layin there in the field and I- I knew I had to help." He paused and looked down. "I'm sorry."
It all came flooding back to him in an instant. Paul finally put the pieces together. Darry had saved him. But why? He had no reason to.
"Sorry for what? If it weren't for you I'd be dead! I'm just wondering, why would you do that for me? Ya know, help me?"
Darry stared at him with confusion. "Why wouldn't I?"
Paul scoffed. "I broke your heart Dar. I ripped you to pieces right when you needed someone most. And I'll never forgive myself for that. And you have no reason to forgive me either. I'm a monster, Darrel. Everyone knows it. It's better for you to stay away so I don't tear you to shreds again."
His voice broke on that last sentence, as a tear rolled down his cheek. "If anyone's to be sorry, it's me."
Darry's expression sadded, and it looked as if he was going to cry himself. He reached out his hand, tenderly cupping Paul's face.
"Paul, of course I forgive you. The past is the past, and we can't change that. Those years I spent with you were the best years of my life. And while my heart did grow heavy after you left, it didnt break because a part of it still held on to you. And you may hate it, but I'm still in love with you Paul. No matter what."
Darry moved his hand away, and Paul could see Darry tense, as if he were expecting Paul to lash out. But Paul just lay there dumbstruck, not knowing what to say, until he finally addressed Darry, his voice just barely above a whisper.
"I love you too, Dar."
Even in the darkness of the living room, he could see Darry trying to suppress his smile. Darry stood up from where he was sitting and headed back to his room. Halfway there though, he stopped, telling Paul to wake him up if he needed anything. Darry then said goodnight, leaving Paul to sleep on the couch.
Paul shut his eyes, could this really be happening? The butterflies in his stomach took away from the pain in his body. And despite all of the awful things that happened to him tonight, he smiled. His dream had come true.
Darry's POV
______________
Darry couldn't believe it. He's spent every day waiting for this moment but it still felt surreal. Paul loved him. They could have a fresh start, build a life together. But he couldnt get ahead of himself, for it had only been an hour since their conversation. Darry sinked into his bed, comforted at last.
A soft knock at his door came about 10 minutes later. "Come in" he answered, sitting up. Paul slowly waddled in, looking tiny like a shy little kid. Darry gave him a quizzical look, wondering if he was alright.
"Uhh, Darry, I c-can't sleep. And, and I was wondering if I could stay in here, maybe. I could just sleep on the floor or-"
"You can sleep on the bed, Paul." Darry smiled, interrupting him. He scooched over to the other side of the bed, urging him to lay down.
"But what if I get blood on your sheets?"
Darry laughed softly. "Paul, I don't care what you do. As long as you're here with me, I'm okay."
Paul blushed a light shade of pink and smiled.
"Same here."
_________________
It felt weird, but not foreign, to have Paul lay next to him. It felt like this was all one big joke. Or maybe one of Darry's nightmares. He was praying that this moment could last forever. He just wished he didn't open his eyes and everything had been fake. A shiver ran down his spine.
But when Paul's hand brushed against his skin, he knew he couldn't be dreaming. This was real.
"I've missed you Darrel." Paul said, his hand still laying on top of Darry's arm. Darry opened his eyes and looked at him. Behind his wounds was the sweet and sincere Paul he once knew. Darry beamed.
"I've missed you too, Holden."
Paul chuckled that chuckle and smiled that smile that made Darry feel all giddy and nervous inside like a middle school girl with a crush. He blushed and tried to hide it, but that just made Paul laugh more. And Darry couldn't get enough.
"Do you feel any better?" he said, trying to change the subject. Paul's smile dropped a bit.
"Yeah, I guess. Thank you." He wanted to look Darry in the eyes, but he felt himself looking away.
Darry's chest tightened and he asked the question he'd been dying to ask since he found him lying on the cold open ground. "What happened?"
Paul took in a long shaky breath before telling him it's a long story. Darry nodded and let him continue, hoping he could get some answers to why the soc and ex-football player could get hurt so badly.
"Well, I went to go hang out with Bob, and he brought a football, our football. I started to get sick so I walked away. He saw I left the ball and picked it up and handed it to me, and I guess he saw what was written on it. The next day he called me up to go out again, but when I got there, there were five other soc boys and they started to jump me. Bob didn't like that I love you, so he did the only thing he knew how to do. Hurt people. He's the one that gave me this nasty cut on my chin. I remember getting enough air to scream your name, b-but then I don't remember the rest."
Paul had tears running down his face, and Darry quickly wiped them away. Paul flinched at his touch, so he stopped, not wanting to spook him anymore than he already was.
"I'm so sorry Paul. I don't know how or why people are so cruel. And I'm sorry that I'm partly the reason they messed you up so bad. No, I am the reason. I'm so so sorry. I'd take it for you in a heartbeat." Darry said, as he started to silently cry. Now it was Paul's turn to wipe away Darry's tears.
"You have nothing to apologize for baby, it's not your fault that people hate me. For many people, the concept of a boy loving a boy is so unfathomable. But-" The corners of Paul's lips lifted into a smile. "But I love you. And no one can change that."
Darry's heart leaped out of his chest. He smiled too, looking into Paul's warm blue eyes. He reached his arm out and ran a hand through Paul's soft, curly hair. He crawled closer to him, leaning their foreheads against each other.
"Oh how I've longed for you Paul." Darry whispered underneath his breath. Paul shuddered and closed his eyes, a grin still wide on his face.
They stayed like this for a while until, finally, Paul closed the gap between them. Paul's soft lips met Darry's chapped, rough ones and the whole world seemed to stop. Darry felt like fireworks had been let off not only in his brain, but in his heart too. He kissed Paul like they were back in high school. Back when they thought no one could bring them down.
If this was a dream, then Darry was more than fine with never waking up.