Chapter Text
June 12, 2012 11:59 am
Stede pulled up in front of the address Ed had sent him, a row house in Hyde Park. He threw his car in park and shot a text off to Ed to let him know he’d arrived.
He got out, not really sure what to do with himself, and opened up the hatch at the back of his Lexus RX 350. His things had shifted into the space he’d left for Ed, so he started moving things around, hoping he wasn’t waiting too long.
He heard a door open and pulled his head out of the back of his car. A lean man juggling a box, a rolling suitcase, and a duffel bag was trying to shut the front door.
“Need a hand?” Stede called.
“That’d be great,” the other man replied gratefully. “I have a couple more things if that’s ok.”
“Quite alright.” Stede jogged up the walkway, taking the box and grabbing the handle of the suitcase. “I’ll take these down and you can bring out the rest.”
Ed joined him a few minutes later, carrying a couple more small boxes and a backpack. Once their things were organized, Stede slammed the hatch down and put his hand out. “Hello, Ed. It’s good to meet you.”
Ed grasped his hand, he had a strong handshake but Stede appreciated it didn’t feel like his hand was being crushed. “Nice to meet you, Stede. Thanks again for the ride.”
“I’m happy to have you along,” Stede said honestly. He’d been dreading the long hours in the car all alone. They got into their seats and Stede cranked his key to start the car. “So I figured there’s 18 hours of driving between here and New York and we can either split it into six three-hour shifts or by mileage.” Stede grabbed the map he’d marked up from the center console and handed it to Ed, who took it and immediately dropped it back into its place without looking at it.
“Tell me when you want to switch and we’ll switch,” Ed said, sounding amused. He shifted a bit, stretching his jean clad legs in front of him as much as he could and fussing with the seat. He’d brought the backpack into the front seat with him and started rooting around, producing a bag of chips. “Want any?” He asked as he started to pull it open.
“I’d ah…actually prefer we not eat in the car? It’s brand new,” Stede said, not daring to look at Ed.
“When are we stopping for food?” Ed asked, sounding gobsmacked.
“Um…eight?”
“Perfect,” Ed grumbled, shoving the chips back into his backpack.
June 12, 2012 3 p.m.
As soon as they pulled up next to the gas pumps, Ed was out of the car and stalking into the gas station. An hour into the drive, Ed’s stomach had growled loud enough for Stede to hear it and he’d tentatively said perhaps the no eating in the car rule was a bit silly. But Ed was angry so he’d just crossed his arms and said “oh no, we don’t want to mess up your brand new car, mate.”
Being stubborn had cost him though because now it was nearly two hours later and he’d cheerfully eat roadkill at this point. He grabbed a Snickers and got in line so he could order a suspicious looking hot dog to wolf down before it was his turn to drive. Once he had his hot dog in hand, he shoved the candy into his back pocket and took a huge bite out of the hot dog. As he pushed out of the store, he saw Stede had re-parked closer and was watching Ed anxiously from where he was standing next to the hood.
Ed held up a finger, finishing his hot dog in four bites and tearing into the Snickers wrapper while he chewed. Stede walked around to the back hatch, rustled around for a minute, and then came back with two sweaty bottles of water.
“Here,” Stede said softly. Ed accepted it with a nod, swirling his tongue around his mouth to get the sticky caramel off his teeth. “I apologize for the no eating in the car rule and it’s hereby rescinded.”
Ed gave him a long look. “Then I will hereby probably be less of a dick. He tipped his head back and took a long drink from the water bottle. When he looked back at Stede, his eyes were fixed on Ed’s throat. He blinked, as if in a daze, then smiled tightly and handed Ed his keys.
June 12, 2012 4:15 pm
“You wanna get out my Bugles?” Ed asked, gesturing behind the seat where he’d stowed his backpack. Stede strained around, brushing against Ed’s shoulder as he did and Ed suppressed a shiver. Really? Stede emerged red faced but triumphant, the bag crinkling loudly as he pulled it open and perched it on top of the cup holders. “Help yourself,” Ed said, grabbing a couple and tossing them into his mouth.
He stole a glance Stede’s way and when he was pretty sure Stede was looking, he dropped one between his knees and pressed his left heel down, smiling at the satisfying crunch .
“Hey!” Stede cried.
Ed chuckled. “Whoops.”
Stede sighed. “I guess I had that coming.”
“Guess ya did,” Ed said with a little smirk.
June 12, 2012 5:00 pm
“Can I ask why New York?” Ed asked.
“A lot of reasons I suppose. I was feeling…stagnant. I had an entry level job in my field, my marriage was ending. It seemed like the right time so I applied to papers in a few major cities.” Stede had his elbow braced on his door and was holding his chin in his palm.
“What city was your first choice?” Ed prompted.
“New York. It’s close enough that I can take a quick flight home but far enough away I don’t have to do it often. So I was lucky.” They lapsed into comfortable silence for a moment. “What about you? You seemed quite eager to leave.”
“I was in a bad relationship that ended a few weeks ago. I had a really good job, I could afford to get my own place and everything but I just needed to get out of my old patterns. A friend of mine has been after me to join his firm for a few years, so I finally took him up on it.”
“Sometimes you just need a fresh start,” Stede said softly. “So you’re a…”
“Lawyer,” Ed supplied. “A good one, not to brag.”
“I think people should brag more!” Stede said brightly.
“Alright, well in that case, I’m a fucking great lawyer.” Ed said, gratified by Stede’s laughter. “So what are you great at?”
Stede blew out a breath. “Honestly? I’m still figuring that out. Ridiculous, I know, I’m 37 and still don’t know what I’m doing.”
Ed took his eyes off the road long enough to look at Stede. “Most people aren’t brave enough to admit they don’t have it all figured out.”
He felt Stede’s eyes on him for a long time. “Not particularly good at being brave, either.”
June 12, 2012 8:00 pm
“What I’m saying is that they already had a relationship and couldn’t make it work and they don’t even have the benefit of knowing what they’d already fucked up. It’s destined to fall apart,” Stede said hotly, nearly shouting.
“They have the tapes, man! And they loved each other so much they somehow found each other all over again even with their memories of each other completely erased. You’re really telling me that you walked out of that movie feeling like they were just going to break up again?” Ed stared disbelievingly at Stede as he turned into a diner parking lot.
“Yes!” Stede said emphatically.
“So you’d just leave the love of your life if it might be hard to make it work?”
“Oh come on, I think that’s a gross mischaracterization of what I’m saying.” Stede’s entire neck was hot.
“I’ve just never met anyone with such a pessimistic take on that movie,” Ed said with a sad shake of his head.
“It’s not pessimism, it’s realism.” Stede jerked his door handle as soon as the car was in park.
Stede heard Ed’s door slam shut behind him and then Ed continued. “What if it was the best sex of your life?”
Stede whirled around, feeling his flush spreading up to his ears. “There are people here!”
“People neither of us will ever see again. Answer the question.” Ed looked calm but his eyes were alight with mischief.
“Good sex hardly seems worth guaranteed heartbreak,” Stede huffed.
“Yeah good sex, I’m talking about great sex.” Ed paused and widened his eyes dramatically. “Ohhhhh you’ve never had great sex.” He pouted sympathetically and pulled the glass door of the diner open.
“I have too!” Stede sputtered, trailing after him. Ed held up two fingers to the host at the front counter, ignoring Stede. “I’ve had plenty of great sex,” Stede insisted, realizing the couple at the table he was passing were both staring at him. He smiled weakly and offered an awkward wave before trailing after Ed.
Ed slid into the booth and shook his head as Stede took the bench across from him. “Who have you had really great sex with?”
Stede opened and closed his mouth a few times. “I don’t have to tell you.” Ed smirked, as if Stede had just proven his point. Stede slapped his menu open rather more forcefully than he intended. “You are infuriating. ”
June 12, 2012 8:55 pm
Ed watched Stede thoughtfully as he looked over the receipt with a pen, separating the check between the two of them. He had a pair of reading glasses on the end of his nose, looking surprisingly charming. “Why don’t you just tell the waiter to split it in half?”
Stede shrugged. “I prefer just to do it my way.”
And that had been the theme of the evening with Stede. He wanted the club sandwich but the mayo on the side, the bacon crisp but not burned please, the bread lightly toasted thank you. The pie a la mode but only if they had strawberry ice cream, otherwise skip it (the ice cream, not the pie).
Stede handed him the receipt triumphantly. “My food was more expensive than yours. If I’d done it your way, you’d have paid for part of my dinner.” Ed chuckled, still staring at him. Stede looked flustered and started rubbing his face. “What, do I have something on me?” The waiter collected their cards and the carefully annotated receipt.
Ed rested his head in his palm. “No. I was just thinking you’re a very attractive person.”
Stede blinked rapidly a few times, then snatched his glasses off his face and tucked them away. “Oh. Thank you.” He started fidgeting, watching anxiously for the waiter to return, and Ed felt a little slip of discomfort slide down his spine. That may have been a major miscalculation. He’d been so sure he’d caught Stede checking him out earlier.
Stede signed his slip rapidly as soon as it was in front of him and hopped up like his ass was on fire. “Is there a problem?” Ed asked, practically having to chase him out of the restaurant.
“Nope, no problem,” Stede flashed an over-bright smile and moved to the driver’s side.
Ed felt like a lead weight had settled in his gut. “I’ve only known you for like 8 hours and even I can tell you’re lying.”
Stede looked at Ed over the roof of the car, that forced smile still spread across his face. He looked like he was going to give another terse denial but something on Ed’s face made his shoulders slump and drop the false cheer. “I suppose I’m not used to receiving compliments like that. I don’t really know what to…do with it.”
“You’re not used to receiving compliments from guys you mean.” It wasn’t a question.
“From anyone.” Stede’s brow furrowed, “Hey listen, I’m straight, but I’m not a total asshole. You are very dashing, so I’ll admit that you telling me I’m attractive does make me feel flustered. But it’s not because I’m…offended that a man complimented me.”
Ed eyed him a moment longer and moved to the other side of the car. “I think it’s my turn to drive.”
“Right,” Stede handed him the keys and their fingers brushed. Stede’s cheeks got pink and his breath seemed to catch before he brushed past Ed.
June 12, 2012 11:30 pm
Stede was snoring softly in the passenger seat, passing lights occasionally making his hair seem to glow. Ed knew it was probably not good that he kept stealing glances at him. He was just…so pretty. And all of the stress and anxiety he seemed to carry around with him all the time seemed to have left him as he slept, making Ed’s heart ache a little bit. Maybe we don’t pine for the self professed straight guy, yeah?
Ed was driving past a green road sign, trying to decide when he and Stede should switch when there was a pop and the car lurched to one side. “Fuck,” Ed cursed, the sound of rubber flapping loud as he slowed and pulled to the shoulder.
Stede snorted awake, blinking rapidly as they came to a stop. “What happened?”
“We blew a tire. You have a spare?”
Stede rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Yeah.” He looked anxious again. “Do uh…you know how to change a tire?”
Ed opened his door, checking to make sure he was clear before he got out. “I do.”
Stede met him at the back of the car. “D’you think you could walk me through it?” He looked embarrassed.
“Yeah, no problem, mate,” Ed said with a shrug.
They started unloading their boxes and luggage to get to the spare and the jack. “My dad has a whole lot to say about what kind of man I was and how ill prepared I was for the real world, but he didn’t exactly do much to rectify what a soft, lily-livered little rich boy he seemed to think I was. So…I never really learned how to change a tire.”
Ed froze, watching Stede as he continued to pull things out of the car. “Your dad sounds like an asshole, no offense.”
Stede laughed. “Oh none taken, he absolutely is. Anyway, I’m well into adulthood now. It’s my own fault I don’t know at this point. I just usually call roadside assistance.” They cleared enough out that they could lift the panel that hid the spare and the tools, and together they got them over to the rear passenger side.
“Do you want me to talk you through it or do you want to shine the light and just watch me?” Ed asked, tugging off his sweatshirt. When Stede didn’t respond, Ed turned to find him staring at Ed’s forearms, running his eyes over the tattoos there. It was almost like a touch and Ed shivered. “Stede?” He said softly.
Stede inhaled sharply. “Right. I think I’d like to do it, if it’s not too much trouble for you to help…direct me.”
“Not too much trouble at all. D’you have a better flashlight or should I just use my phone?” Stede rooted around in the back again for a minute before emerging with a hefty silver flashlight. He handed it off to Ed and then rubbed his hands together.
Stede proved to be a good student, taking instruction well and eager to do it right, and soon he was tightening the last lug nut in place. He rose to his feet, dusting his hands on his pants and grinning. “You’re a very good teacher.”
“It is in my name,” Ed quipped. Stede laughed a bit harder than the joke warranted but he seemed giddy. “I can’t believe I did it.” He was brimming with excitement and Ed–god help him, he wanted to wrap Stede up in a hug and kiss him silly. He settled for bumping his shoulder into Stede’s. “You’re a good student.” He reached a foot out, tapping the spare with his toe. “We aren’t making it to New York on that. I think there’s a town not too far up the road. Hopefully they’ll have a motel and a place where we can get a tire in the morning.”
June 13, 2012 12:45 am
They pulled into a fairly crowded looking parking lot, but the vacancy sign was still lit so Stede was hopeful. It wasn’t exactly a large town so it was either this or sleeping in the car and that didn’t sound particularly appealing. The man at the counter was flicking through a magazine and didn’t even look up when they walked in. “Hi, we were hoping you might have a couple of rooms,” Stede said after waiting a moment to be acknowledged.
“I have one room, room 3.” He reached below the desk and then slapped a key on the surface.
Ed tensed a bit next to Stede. God why do I have to make everything weird. “It’s alright with me if it’s alright with you,” Stede said.
Ed nodded his head once. He looked exhausted.
“We’ll take it.” Stede handed over his credit card and soon they were back out in the cool night air. They stopped by the car for their luggage and then found room three. This place was old school, it hadn’t converted to key cards yet, and Stede slotted the key attached to a plastic card bearing the number 3 into the lock. The door eased open and Stede fumbled for the light. He walked in a few steps and then came to an abrupt halt, Ed running into his back. Stede stumbled forward a step, staring at the lone king bed in the middle of the room. His mouth felt dry and his heart was pounding.
“I can take the floor,” Ed said, his voice tight.
Stede gave himself a little shake. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’ve both been in a car all day and we’ve still got a few hours drive tomorrow once we’ve gotten the car fixed. We should both get a good night's sleep.”
Ed was chewing on his lower lip. “I didn’t exactly bring anything to sleep in.”
“Oh I have a couple of things in my bag and I think we’re about the same size!” Stede lifted his suitcase onto the luggage stand and unzipped it, pulling out two pairs of silk pajama bottoms. One was black, the other navy blue. He held them out to Ed. “Whichever you like.”
Ed tentatively grabbed the black pair and then he lifted the material up to his face, gently stroking it across his cheek. He hummed a low note of contentment. “Thanks,” he said softly and disappeared into the bathroom with the pants and his toothbrush.
Stede busied himself gathering what he needed to get ready for bed, face wash, moisturizer, his own toothbrush and toothpaste, and didn’t register until Ed was lifting the covers that he’d exited the bathroom. He dropped everything he was holding in his hand when he looked up and saw shirtless, tattooed, stunningly beautiful Ed standing there.
“Are you ok?”
“Yep! Just clumsy.” He gathered the things he had scattered, wondering why his fingers were shaking, and fled to the bathroom.
June 13, 2012 1:30 am
Ed heard the bathroom door click open and willed himself not to turn his head and watch Stede walk across the room. He was weak and when Stede walked into his sightline to turn off the light, Ed let his eyes wander down Stede’s bare chest, the gentle swells of his pecs covered in copper colored hair that trailed down his stomach and under his waistband. Ed swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He heard the switch flick off.
Ed opened his eyes again, the lights from the parking lot filtered in through a gap in the curtain. The blankets lifted next to him, the bed dipped slightly as Stede settled his weight next to Ed, and he could smell mint and soap and something floral. Neither of them spoke for a while, but Ed was pretty sure, judging from Stede’s shallow breathing, that he hadn’t fallen asleep. “Can I ask about your divorce,” Ed asked, his voice hushed.
“Sure, although it’s not a terribly interesting story.” Ed found that very hard to believe but he didn’t say anything. “The truth is, our parents were far more invested than either of us were. Our families were old friends, we were kind of…smashed together like a Barbie and Ken doll. And to be honest, I love Mary, she’s a wonderful person. On paper, it should have all worked out, but she tried a lot harder than I did to make it work and I couldn’t seem to be anything more than politely distant. So she filed for divorce earlier this year.”
“And you’re still friends?” Ed asked, his disbelief plain in his voice.
“Yes, in fact I’d say we’ve become better friends since we separated.”
Ed whistled. “I can’t imagine that. I was living with my ex for the last three weeks and it was intolerable.”
Stede rolled onto his side, facing Ed, pillowing his cheek with his hands. “Tell me about that.”
Ed turned too. Half of Stede’s face was illuminated by the light sneaking through the curtain and Ed resisted the urge to run a finger along his jaw. “Also not a terribly interesting story. Jack and I just have a fucked up dynamic. Jack is the funnest guy at the party, he’s hilarious and fun to be around, but the problem I guess is that the party just never seems to stop. And if things aren’t going his way, he can get really childish. Everyone around us is growing up and Jack is still getting drunk at noon and playing pranks.” Ed shrugged. “I guess I just outgrew him.”
That still made him feel guilty. When Ed had told him he was done, Jack had been incensed, reminding him for what must have been the millionth time that he had saved Ed’s life. And that was true enough, but did that really mean that Ed owed him forever? He squeezed his eyes shut against the familiar guilt.
“Hey.” Ed felt a hand on his forearm, tentative at first but then settling more firmly against his skin. “You know how they say to put your own oxygen mask on first?” Ed nodded, his eyes still closed. “You needed out.”
Ed sniffed, horrified to find he was on the verge of tears. “He saved my life when we were younger. I owe him a lot.”
Now both of Stede’s hands were grasping Ed’s arms. He opened his eyes, seeing that Stede’s expression was blazing. “So what? You don’t owe him your life just because he did something good for you. If I saw someone in danger, I wouldn’t demand that they spend the rest of their life indebted to me if I helped them.” Ed let out a shaky breath, feeling hollowed out. “I may not know you well, but I can tell that you’re a good man. The world is better off with you in it.”
And fuck, he sounded so sure. Ed felt like glass had lodged in his chest. “You can’t know that.”
“I do,” Stede’s voice was firm, broaching no argument. “Roll over,” he said. Ed’s brow furrowed. “Just do it, I’m going to scratch your back until you fall asleep. My mother used to do that when I was feeling anxious and it always helped.”
So Ed did as instructed, convinced that he would never be able to fall asleep with Stede’s hands on him. The gentle scratches all over his back, little loops and swirls, maybe letters and pictures, sent tingles from the crown of his head and down his neck. His eyes drifted closed.
June 13, 2012 7:45 AM
Ed felt himself being tugged from sleep and he could have sworn as he surfaced towards consciousness that his arms were wrapped firmly around something warm and soft.
Hair tickled his nose and Ed nuzzled into it. He felt an arm slung over his waist, the weight of a thigh over his thigh and he buried his noise in the crown of Stede’s head. Stede’s forehead was pressed to his chest, his breathing still deep and even. Ed wondered when in the night they had tangled together, in no rush to free himself.
Ed idly skimmed his hand over Stede’s spine, chasing that feeling that he could drift back to sleep. But Stede started to stir. God please don’t freak out. Ed closed his eyes again, feigning sleep in the hopes that Stede wouldn’t blame him for this.
Stede groaned a little, shifting his face against Ed’s chest. Ed swallowed hard, wrapping his arms tighter around Stede. He lifted his head and his nose brushed against the column of Ed’s throat. Ed whimpered, he couldn’t help it, and when he felt lips brushing against his skin, he thought he was going to come undone.
“Stede,” he gasped. “Are you awake?”
He pulled back enough that he could look into his face, wanting this more than he could remember wanting anything, but not wanting to take advantage of someone who was half asleep. Stede’s eyes were open, albeit a bit dazed looking. Ed brushed his nose against Stede’s, they were sharing breath now, and still he wasn’t backing down.
Ed started to close the distance, he felt the brush of lips against his, he started to angle his head to fit their mouths together.
The phone trilled. They both jumped. Stede looked a bit like he was going to flee. Ed reached over him, grabbing the phone from Stede’s side table. “Yeah”. His voice sounded like gravel.
“You ordered an 8am wake up call.”
“I abso-fucking-lutely did not.”
“This is room 4?”
“No.” Ed slammed the phone down. He could tell from Stede’s body language, tense and trembling, that the spell was broken and he eased away.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” Stede whispered.
“For what?” Ed stared at the ceiling.
“I don’t know what came over me.”
Ed laughed humorlessly. “I know what came over me. You mind if I take the first shower?”
“Go right ahead”. Still barely pitched above a whisper.
When Ed took himself in hand under the hot spray, imagining Stede knelt before him, well, that wasn’t anyone’s business but his.
June 13th, 2012 3pm
They were approaching the city and Stede had a chokehold on the steering wheel. Things had been awkward with Ed and Stede didn’t know how to fix it. He’d tried a dozen different conversations except the one he wanted to have and all of them had fallen flat.
Ed wasn’t being rude. Just quiet. And now time was running out. “About this morning,” Stede started, feeling like he might actually pass out.
“Don’t worry about it, man. It’s all good.”
“I just… the thing is…” Stede sighed trying to relax his grip. “I would very much like it if we could be friends.”
Ed sighed and finally, he turned from the window where he’d been staring listlessly for the past two hours. “We can be friends.”
“Good. That’s… good.”
Not exactly what I wanted to say. We have time.
Then they were in traffic and Stede was trying to navigate it and it seemed like in a blink, they were in front of the building Ed had asked to be dropped at. A man was waiting with his back braced against the wall. Stede threw the car in park. He started helping Ed unload when the man who’d been waiting walked toward the,. He was shorter,, with salt and pepper hair, in a black t-shirt and jeans.
They stacked the few boxes and luggage on the sidewalk. “Need me to help you bring this stuff up?”
Ed opened his mouth to reply but the man who had approached them spoke first. “We’ve got it.”
“Oh hello, I’m Stede Bonnet,” he put his hand out.
“Izzy Hands.” The man ignored Stede’s outstretched hand.
Okaaaaay.
Stede turned back to Ed. “I um…”
At the same time, Ed said “so uh…” and they both laughed awkwardly.
“Thanks for the ride,” Ed said earnestly, putting his hand out.
Stede shocked himself when he ignored the hand and pulled Ed in for a hug. “I’m glad you were there.” He stepped back, not wanting to make it weird. “Maybe we can get a drink sometime soon.”
Ed looked a little dazed. “Yeah maybe.”
Stede swallowed hard, wishing he could think of a reason to stay, wishing they had just a few more minutes alone. Then he offered one last weak smile and an awkward wave before he turned to his car. "Bye, then."
"Bye Stede," Ed said faintly from behind him and Stede didn't let himself look back.