Chapter Text
For once everything just seemed like it’s going to be ok. Like maybe there was a chance for peace, for both of their people to move forward and try to build something together. It nearly felt like hope. Something Clarke hadn’t felt for a long while and hadn’t been really expecting to feel ever again. But every time she stole a subtle glance at Lexa – smiling constantly and literally glowing with pride for what both of them achieved – she allowed herself to think that maybe… If the Commander herself could see their future in a bright light, why Clarke shouldn’t?
But there was this constant nagging at the back of her mind that couldn’t just allow her to believe in 'happily ever after'. Maybe it was just her never-ending guilt and panic that seemed to grow bigger with every mile they crossed towards Arcadia, but even with Lexa’s relaxed attitude and warm words of courage she couldn’t just stop worrying.
They had met with Indra’s army an hour ago and spent some time there learning about the situation. Everything looked fine within the Grounder’s ranks, the only issue being the laconic, weird message form Kane about some problems with the election in Arcadia. He hadn’t explained much, briefly telling Indra to stay cautious just in case.
It wasn’t enough to subdue Lexa’s mood, but worked perfectly to intensify Clarke’s anxiety. When they got on their horses again and left to Arcadia with Indra in tow, this time even Heda’s discreet (not really), encouraging smiles didn’t lift her spirit. After all it was the very first time the Commander would step between her people after the betrayal. And what's more she will step between them as no other than their leader. When Sky People had joined the Coalition everything had happened so fast. Kane who had always seen Lexa as a visionary was more than okay with the turns of events. Abby had come around for Clarke’s sake. She had really just wanted to get her daughter back. But the rest of their people? Hoping for a warm welcome was probably a wishful thinking. Even Clarke wasn’t still sure how she felt about all of this, so she couldn't just expect her people to forgive Lexa easily.
When they reached Arkadia’s gate Lexa stopped her warriors, nodded slightly at Clarke and both of them rode closer. The guards had to recognize them for sure, but it actually took them a few long moments before they opened the gates, Kane and Abby quickly making their way towards them on the other side.
"Commander, welcome back to our camp." Kane bowed his head slightly before the brunette, greeting Clarke with a smile few moments later. He had clearly grow as a leader since landing on Earth and it was showing even in such a smile gesture as that. On the other hand Abby was barely containing her animosity toward the Commander, sending her suspicious glares, while hurrying to Clarke's side.
The blonde sighed with irritation as her mother literally dragged her down from her horse into her arms. It was kind of nice to feel that kind of affection again, but Clarke wasn't fully ready to allow herself that or to reconcile with her mother on top of that. Their fallout because of Jake's death seemed now so far away, but - with all of the tragic events surrounding them - still was a raw wound in the blonde's heart. Not to mention that her mother like always had the worst timing ever and exactly zero political skills.
"Clarke? Are you alright? How did your journey go?" Were the first words that left her mouth, when she cupped her daughter's face in her hands.
"Mom, I'm fine. Really." The blonde tried to free herself from her mother's arms discretely. "But you nearly threw me out off my horse." She added snarky.
"Kane of Sky People. Chancellor Abby." Despite Clarke's irritation, Lexa only acknowledged the whole situation with a gentle smirk. It didn't reach her eyes like when she was alone with Clarke, but it was so much more then she usually showed to others. "We appreciate your hospitality. It is remarkable that finally we join our people to celebrate peace rather than plan war." They could actually hear hope radiating from her voice. Even when hospitality sounded like a big exasperation.
Clarke hadn't been expecting a warm welcome, but at least she expected some kind of a welcome. She hadn't seen Camp Jaha since she left three months ago. Now Arkadia was completely different place from the one she had remembered, but actually the thing that was the most noticeable was complete lack of signs of living or any kinds of activities. None of her old friends came to greet her. Which kind of hurt. None of Sky people left their houses to see the Commander's arrival. Before she could question this situation, Kane went on with his formal greeting.
"We can only hope it won't be the last time and all our meetings will remain like that." He smiled, but it seemed a little forced. His body language was also stiff and nervous. Something was truly wrong. "Please, let your people rest in our rooms and eat something in our mess-hall. Maybe you would like to join me in a council room so we could discuss the situation? Or maybe you prefer to rest with your warriors first? Anything is fine with us, Commander."
"I would like to address all the issues first. I heard you had some troubles with election and I see that Abby is still the Chancellor, so I think we should discuss it first. Before we can begin with a true celebration." Lexa looked slightly towards Clarke, so the blonde just nodded her head with confirmation. Her face stayed completely void and passive, but it was really warming her inside that the Commander of the twelve clans was looking to her for an approval. It looked like a lot of things Lexa had done lately was having that kind of an effect on her, even though she still didn't want to acknowledge it.
"Yeah, what happened here? And where are everyone?" She voiced her agreement and the most bugging question at the same time, while starting to move towards the remains of the Ark. She didn't even make two steps before Abby's hand stopped her in a middle of her track.
"I would like to talk to you first Clarke." She said quickly. "Privately." She added after the moment sending Lexa another not really subtle glare.
"Mom. We will have a lot time to catch up lately." The younger blonde also wasn't trying to hide her attitude, annoyance clear in her voice, but this time Abby didn't let her free herself so easily.
"It's important, Clarke." She accented every word with seriousness suggesting that she really didn't want to just talk about her months in the woods. Her grip on Clarke's arms tightened, but the blonde stopped fighting it at this point.
"If you say so." She answered, still a little defensive. "Lead a way." Despite agreeing on her own, she still looked at Lexa waiting for her judgment. After all she was still her ambassador and couldn't just ignore the Commander. (Not that she wanted, not really.)
"Go with your mother, Clarke." The brunette just nodded in this commanding and serious way of her. "I will give my warriors orders and we will wait for the Chancellor and you to join us in a council room."
Without any more encouragement, Clarke let herself be led by her mother inside the Ark leaving Lexa with Kane. While they walked she couldn't miss the fact that there was still complete lack of people anywhere aside from guards.
"What's going on mom?" She asked after a moment of silence, slowly growing anxious about the situation. Whatever it was.
"We had kind of a... rebellion here." Abby answered with a deep sigh and a mournful grimace, when they finally stopped in an isolated, nearly empty room, Clarke had never been in.
"A rebellion?" The blonde repeated with a surprise. "What kind of a rebellion?" Somehow she knew the answer even before she got it. She should really have anticipated it after all. There was a lot of bad blood between the Sky People and the Grounders.
"People are angry, Clarke. A lot of them. They want revenge. I think we can even call it a blood-lust at this point. They didn't even care who they attack as long as they're killing Grounders. Pike tried to go over our orders and murder Lexa's army."
"This is ridiculous!" Clarke didn't even try to suppress her aggravation. "That army was here to protect us in case the Ice Nation would have attacked. This doesn't make sense at all. They would only start another war. The one we'd have zero chances of winning." She repeated, still not believing how someone could be that blinded by his rage.
"I know." Abby was trying to calm her down a little, but it wasn't really working. "We arrested and incarcerated them before they managed to leave the camp, but a lot of people support Pike's ideology. When they learned that we've joined Lexa's Coalition, that after her betrayal and many other things Grounders did to us, we will become her subjects... you can all imagine the reaction. It's a miracle we didn't have to use force to restrain them. We had to put off the election though, because there was big chance that Pike would win. Of course that only enraged people more." Now when Clarke watched her mother closely she could spot fatigue and apprehension leaking through her serious mask. Abby Griffin had never been good with hiding her emotions.
"You did the right thing with stopping the election. Who knows where it could lead." The blonde quickly assured her mother, her leader instinct kicking in again. "Did you plan your next step with Kane? We will be hosting Grounders for more or less a week. The peace is still very fragile. The last thing we need it's a confrontation between them and us or any kind of riot." Last time Skykru and Trikru had have to work together they barely hadn't slit their throats and it was before the Mountain, when they had have a common enemy. Even trying to imagine what could happen now, left Clarke with a headache and growing anxiety.
"That's what I wanted to talk with you about." Abby began cautiously, watching her daughter closely. "We're not sure how much or if any of this we should tell Lexa. Marcus believes deeply in this peace, in starting new life here with the Grounders, but I'm not that optimistic. I still have my doubts about all of this, but I trust your judgment. Both of us agree on one thing though, Grounders' culture it literally all about revenge. Blood must have blood has been their way for years and we don't know how they will react to our internal power-struggle. For all we know, Lexa may even want to execute rebels on the spot and that will only infuriate people more."
"You're right. The last thing they should see right now is her killing more of our people." She agreed slowly, but made sure that her next words would be resolute. "But we can't hide it from her, we shouldn't, and she's already aware that it's not going to be easy to win Sky People over, so there's no point in withholding it. Maybe we shouldn't tell her about their plans to massacre Trikru's army, but we have to tell her about the general mood in a camp. She will understand, she's not like the rest of the Grounders.' Clarke finished a lot quitter, avoiding her mother eyes unconsciously. She knew she was supposed to be the last person on Earth to ever trust Lexa again. She definitely didn't reach that state (not yet), but she understood the Commander just like Lexa always seemed to understand her, maybe even on the level no one could. She knew why Lexa had done what she had in the Mountain. She had seen her sparing her ambassadors' lives after they had committed treason and her effort to make Skykru the 13th clan despite all odds. Maybe Grounders believed in vengeance and blood-lust, but she didn't. If the situation didn't suddenly become overwhelming, there was no chance she would just break their peace, especially over something they haven't done.
"We are her subjects now, so I guess we at least should try to reach an agreement with her, but we have to double the guards in case someone tries to do something stupid." Abby slowly nodded her head probably calculating her daughter words over.
"Please do, but we can't turn Arkadia into a ghost town. If people are to ever accept her, they need to at least see her. She will want to interact with them." Clarke's mind involuntary went back to their time in Polis when in a brief time off peace Lexa had taken her for a walk around the city. Grounders really did love their Heda. Of course some saw her as week or were just suspicious towards her peaceful goals, but most of them respected and admired her.
And she loved them back. There was absolutely no doubt about that in Clarke's mind. There had never been. While they had been walking through Polis Lexa had stop to talk to her people at many occasions. She had tried shoppers' products, smiled at passers-by and listened to children when they had approached her with the shouts of deep adoration. Clarke knew that the part of the reason of their long stay at Arkadia was to give her a chance to achieve something similar here. Or at least try to.
"Of course, but I hope both of you know it's a long shot. Our first celebration together ended with a disaster and we can only pray that this time around won't be worse. We also have to make a decision what to do about Pike and his people. It's out of question to let them out now, with Trikru in Arkadia, but we can't keep them locked forever. We don't even have a decent prison or anything." Abby still didn't sound really convinced about the whole 'getting friendly with Lexa' thing, but at least for once she didn't try to question her daughter's every decision. Maybe it was because of the long separation or maybe she just felt truly crushed by the situation.
"We have to hope they will come to their senses and let their anger burn down by the time Grounders leave. When they see the peace working out maybe they won't be so fixed on destroying it." Clarke assured her mother again, despite feeling pretty uncertain herself. "I should probably check how things are going outside and find Lexa." She added after a moment, more than ready to join the Commander again. Wanting or not now she would have to keep an eye on her all the time.
"Wait, Clarke. There is one more thing." Her mother took a deep sigh before continuing. "Bellamy was with the rebels. Actually he was the one that helped Pike get guns and started chanting for him to become the new Chancellor."
"What?" From all the things Clarke have just learnt that one surprised and in a way hurt her the most. It was the only thing she in fact had a problem to believe in.
"We locked him up too." Abby continued, reaching to touch her daughter arm and show her some comfort. However Clarke was too stunned to even acknowledge it. "But I think this damaged our morale even more than Pike himself. After Mount Weather and even before Bellamy became kind of a hero, taking a role of the leader just like you. People around here listen to and respect him. A lot of them would have been fine with mass-murdering a peaceful army just because he had said it was good for us."
"I know, but I can't imagine... Why..." Clarke's voice broke a little, but she quickly pulled herself together. "I have to talk to him."
"I didn't want to push you into this, but I was hoping you will do it. He's in a lot of pain and completely lost his way. Kane tried to reach him, Octavia too, but he just wants a revenge, something that Pike keeps strengthening in his mind."
"It's Bellamy. He has been always impulsive, but he has a good heart. I can't believe he would have go through with this plan." Maybe it was just a wishful thinking, but Clarke wanted to have faith in one of her closest friend. "Where do you keep them? I need to talk with him as fast as possible. This has to be dealt with immediately. "
Her mother accepted her request with a firm nod and guided her deeper into the Ark. The walk was quite short and Clarke didn't even get a time to prepare herself, when they approached a big cell with a group of people inside and two guards watching the door. Few Farm Station's people including Pike raised to their feet with hostile expression, but the blonde had her eyes only for Bellamy. The boy had to feel it because even without an encouragement he came closer, standing in front of her, only the bars between them. His face was a complete close-off, emotionless mask, but his eyes were burning with such an anger and hurt that Clarke involuntary felt a gulp rising in her throat.
"Clarke. You're back." He began, because she was still too put off to find her voice.
"Bellamy." She gulped, trying not to shutter. "What is the meaning of this? Tell me you didn't try to start a war."
"We didn't start anything. Grounders have attacked and killed us since the day we landed. We tried to build an alliance with them and they left us to die. The war has never stopped." His cold voice was dripping with hatred.
"There is a chance for peace. Finally the real chance." Clarke took a step closer nearly touching the bars, if they weren't in a way she would probably try to reach Bellamy for a better effect, but now she literally saw her words bounced back from the wall he'd built around himself.
"What chance? With Lexa? How much time will it take this time for her to abandon us and sentence to death? We can't trust her." He snarked at her. They were trying to keep their conversation private and their voices low, but it was obvious that Bellamy was slowly losing it. "And what about the ones that have died already? We will just let their death go forgotten?"
"We avenged what Ice Nation did. It's over. What you are trying to achieve is a blind vengeance. It won't serve anyone right."
"We?"
"Lexa and I-" Clarke stopped herself midsentence. She wasn't even sure why this was the first thing that had left her mouth, but it definitely should be the last one. Bellamy's face somehow managed to became even more close-off, making her realised how big mistake she just made.
"Of course. You and Lexa." He laughed humourlessly. "What happened to you, Clarke? Are you one of them now? You even look like a Grounder."
"Bellamy, please. You know I had to stay in Polis. Everything I've done, it's for all of us." Fighting through his hatred, she tried to reason with him again.
"Is it? You handed us over to Lexa without even consulting anybody, while the council locked up our own people. The Commander strengthened her dictatorship, but what about them? What about people from Farm Station? They lost their families and friends when Grounders blew Mount Weather. What about all of us?!" His eyes gleamed with unshared tears, when he shouted pointing at other prisoners. "My girlfriend died in there."
"Grounders didn't blow up Mount Weather. Ice Nation did. And you tried to fix it by murdering the peaceful army that was here to protect us?" She let her desperation and disbelief show in hope to snap him over finally. "Bellamy, this is not who you are. You're not a mass-murder."
"Like you're the one to talk!" He stormed towards bars making her involuntary take few steps back. "You let a missile drop on our people, including my sister. You sided with Lexa who betrayed us and in a process made us kill everyone in Mount Weather. People who helped us. People who trusted us. People who helped ME! And then you left us to pick all the pieces and ran away only to came back three months later with Lexa in tow, happily announcing that you vowed obedience to her in name of all of us."
Clarke couldn't contain her tears. They had begun running down her face, even before Bellamy finished talking. She tried to fight it, but it was a lost case. Her mother luckily was gone already, but the other prisoners and the guards watched her uneasily. No one dared to interfere, but Farm Station's people was talking lowly between themselves with clear disdain in their voices and faces.
"I tried to- I'm still trying to save all of us." After a long and heavy pause, Clarke forced her lips to form this few weak words.
"Me too." Bellamy answered sharply, turning around. Ignoring the crying blonde he walked back to his place at the deep end of the cell next to Pike, who proudly put his hand on the boy's arm and squeezed lightly.
Feeling utterly defeated, hurt and guilty, Clarke could only watch her friend ignoring her before she quickly left the room, basically running away from it. She crossed few passages, completely oblivious to anything around her, finally stopping in some old, abandon part of the Ark. She leaned against the wall weakly, her legs shaking violently. Few seconds later she slid to the floor and curled herself into a crying, broken ball. Flashbacks from the Mountain attacked her mind with imagines of burning skin, dead children and agonizing screams. They had become weaker after her three months in a woods and nearly had stopped when she had stayed in Polis and had had to concentrate on saving her people, but now they were back with full force, even worst then ever before.
This was why she had left. This was why she had been anxious to come back. Lexa had tried to convince her that what she had done was necessity, that she was a hero who saved everybody, but what she'd just seen in Bellamy eyes confirmed everything she had been feeling this whole time. She's no hero. She's a monster, a killer. And if her conversation with Bellamy had gone that bad, she didn't even want to think what she should expect from others: Jasper, Monty, Raven and Octavia.
She didn't know how much time she spent sitting there and crying, She would probably stay there for much long if not for a soft, cautious voice.
"Clarke? Are you ok?" Octavia was standing at the and of the corridor looking at her hesitantly. There was a concern in her eyes, but she kept her distance.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Clarke didn't even try to sound convincing, but it was enough to dismiss any other questions she wasn't ready to answer.
"The council's looking for you. They want to start a meeting, but Lexa make them wait until you join them." The brunette told her softly, she came closer and offered her hand to help her stand up. Clarke grabbed it a little stiffly and raised to her feet. She tried to wipe away her tears, but her cheeks and eyes still stayed red and wet. It was quite obvious she spent last few moments crying hard.
They didn't exchange a word whole walk toward council room, but when they finally came closer, Octavia stopped abruptly and addressed Clarke.
"I know the situation is hard and all, but I'm really happy that you're back."
"I'm really sorry I left. I had to." The blonde's voice broke slightly. Her confrontation with Bellamy was still fresh in her mind, so she felt the strong need to apologise and excuse herself.
"Me too. Maybe the things would have gone differently if you had stayed, but there is nothing we can do about it now." The girl shrugged indifferently. It wasn't exactly very encouraging, but Clarke wasn't excepting anything else. Before she had left, they'd never really gotten a chance to move over the whole missile thing. Octavia had every right to be cold toward her.
"I will try to set things right. I promise." She assured her quickly.
"I know." Came the soft answer.
"But your brother..."
"Bellamy is blinded by rage and pain." Octavia interrupted her quickly, her face showing signs of betrayal and disappointment. "He will come around. We will find a way to shake him up," There wasn't any doubt in her voice. "But before then, you shouldn't let yourself be misled by his word." She added with less conviction but maintained eye contact with Clarke. The blonde only nodded at that. She wanted to question Octavia what she thought about the situation. The younger Blake seemed to know Grounders the best of them all. But now wasn't the time.
She entered the council's room with a fake steady pace. All the voices stopped immediately and five pairs of eyes pierced into her. It quickly made her realise that despite her false bold posture, it was still pretty obvious she had been crying. Kane looked at her with an unspoken question. Her mother at once appeared by her side with concern. Other two Arkers dropped their eyes awkwardly. And Lexa... She kept her face emotionless like always, only clenching her jaw tighter, but her eyes showed the true tornado of emotion. At first there was concerned and affection, even a little of fear and then it changed into a pure fury. Lexa didn't move, didn't say a word. It looked like she barely breath, but Clarke was sure she was more than ready to leave this room and rip into pieces whoever or whatever had made her cry.
The blonde gulped involuntary, she couldn't take so much emotions so she just lowered her gaze and hurried the Council to start the meeting finally. It was extremely awkward at first (especially considering the fact that Lexa was still looking only at her), but they managed to go through all feast preparation plan without bigger problems. They agreed to wait one more day, before more Trikru would join them and situation at Arkadia would become less tense. At this point Clarke knew her mother and Kane were waiting for her to approach the subject of a riot gently, so she decided to just go with it.
"Commander" She began softly despite there being completely no reason for her to try to catch Lexa's attention. It stayed on her the whole time. "The mood in our camp is a little grim now. A lot of people don't approve of our decision to join the Coalition. We have situation under control, but it would be wise for all of us to try to avoid any kind of confrontation and incidents."
"Of course. Your people have a right to be suspicious and reluctant. There're still mourning, but the dead are gone and the living are hungry. We came to build a lasting peace, Clarke, and one way or another we will make it happen." She assured her with a smile. The blonde slowly answered with her own. Everyone in the room except Kane looked rather unconvinced, but no one dared to interrupt.
"We will." Kane replied fiercely for all of them.
They discussed the general situation in a camp for few more minutes before Abby, still being the Chancellor, dismissed them all.
"We prepared a room for you, Commander, if you would like to stay inside the Ark for the night." She addressed Lexa uncertainly. No one, including Clarke, expected a positive answer, but she surprised them with a slight nod.
"I would like that, thank you Chancellor."
"Clarke, will you show Commander the way? It's the last apartment in our sector. I'm sure you know which one." She looked at her daughter, who only nodded stiffly.
She knew perfectly which one it was. One of the best apartments on the Ark, the Chancellor home. The one were Jaha and Wells had lived on the Ark. It looked like it stayed empty after Jaha left and Abby and Kane kept their old rooms just like the rest of the Arkers. One more terrifying memory to confront today.
"Clarke? What happened?" Lexa approached her slowly when the rest of Council left and they finally were left alone.
"I-I shouldn't have left." She answered shakily, she tried to turn from Lexa's penetrating gaze, but found herself not able to. "It's a mess and it's all my fault. I should have stayed and help them."
"You had to leave. You wouldn't be of any use for them in your condition." The Commander took a step closer with a soft, comforting voice. In her eyes there wasn't even a sign of doubt at her own words.
"They hate me." Clarke barely whispered through the gulp in her throat. She felt she was close to having another breakdown.
"They're mourning, Clarke. It's easier for them to hate you than themselves."
The blonde flinched slightly at those words. The same one that Lexa had directed toward her when they argued about Mount Wheatear. Their whole conversation made her panic slightly with its openness and vulnerability, just like the one they had had in Clarke's room after Lexa's duel with Roan. And just like then, Clarke decided to cut it right here. She felt so many different things at once and she still wasn't ready to confront whatever was happening between her and Lexa. But she didn't want to push her back completely.
"Thank you." She whispered softly and caught an affectionate smile gracing Lexa's lips. "Come, I'll show you your room."