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Sukuna, the King of Curses, was feared by all. He was a merciless, bloodthirsty deity, a demon whose name alone sent shivers down the spines of the strongest sorcerers.
And yet.
"Come on," you huffed, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. "Just one squeeze."
Across from you, Ryomen Sukuna, all four arms folded like an impenetrable fortress, gave you a deadpan look.
"You are repulsive."
You gasped, dramatically clutching your chest. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me, you perverted little worm," he grumbled, looking disgusted but also slightly concerned for humanity. "Who the hell asks a man to touch his chest like this?"
"A woman of culture," you corrected.
Sukuna exhaled through his nose like a disappointed father.
"You do realize I don’t even have—"
"Yes, you do," you cut in. "Look at those pecs. Absolute meat slabs. That’s not a chest, that’s a national monument."
His eye twitched. "You—"
"—should be honored that I even want to."
"That’s it," he snarled, unfolding his arms, looming over you like the eldritch horror he was. "You are the most insufferable human I have ever met."
You sniffed, tilting your nose up. "Fine then. I’ll just leave since I’m so unwanted."
Sukuna blinked. "Huh?"
"It’s clear you don’t want me around," you continued, sighing dramatically. "I’m not going to stay where I’m not wanted."
He narrowed his eyes. "Tch. Good."
"Great."
"Fine."
"Fine."
A pause.
You turned on your heel, marching off with your nose still high, shoulders squared.
Sukuna watched, waiting for you to stop, to turn around, to say something else—
But you didn’t.
You just kept walking.
His eye twitched.
The audacity.
He let out a sharp click of his tongue. "Oh, for—get back here, you pathetic little thing."
You stopped immediately, turning back faster than you should have.
He stared.
You blinked at him.
"...You were waiting for me to stop you," he accused.
"No, I wasn’t," you said, too fast, too defensive.
"Tch. Liar," he muttered, folding his arms again. "Pathetic."
You smirked, walking back over, smug. "Aww, so you do want me around?"
"I never said that," he snapped.
"But you implied it."
"Shut up."
You grinned like a little gremlin and stepped closer. Sukuna stiffened slightly but didn’t move away.
He was playing with fire, and he knew it.
"...So," you hummed. "About those boobies—"
"For the last time," he snarled, four hands twitching in irritation, "I DO NOT HAVE BOOBS."
"I dunno, Sukuna," you mused, eyeing his very grab-able chest. "I think you do. And I think, deep down, you want me to appreciate them."
"I WILL KILL YOU."
"You won't."
"You are two seconds away from being crushed under my foot, you flea."
You pouted, leaning against his massive frame like a lazy cat. "Then why haven’t you done it yet?"
A vein bulged in his forehead. "Because you’re too damn pathetic to waste my energy on."
"That’s cute. Keep talking."
He gritted his teeth. "Get. Off."
You looked up at him, utterly unbothered, and smirked. "Make me."
For the first time in his cursed existence, Sukuna did not have a comeback.
He glared down at you, his simmering rage met with your absolute lack of shame.
Neither of you moved.
It was a standoff of pride.
A battle between two tsunderes too stubborn for their own good.
Finally, Sukuna scoffed, reaching up with two of his four hands to shove you off.
But instead of throwing you away—
His hands landed on your waist.
He realized too late.
You grinned.
"Aww, look at you," you mocked, reaching up with both hands to squeeze his chest like a gremlin. "Such a big scary curse, and yet, so soft."
Sukuna short-circuited.
"YOU—"
"Shhh," you cooed, squeezing again, lovingly. "You’re ruining the moment, my sweet."
"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME—!"
"I’M NEVER LETTING GO."
Sukuna roared, his rage shaking the very ground beneath you—
But his hands on your waist did not move.
And you grinned even wider.
Sukuna was a beast.
A god.
The King of Curses.
He had slaughtered armies, razed entire civilizations to the ground, and bathed in the blood of his enemies for sheer entertainment.
And yet.
“W-What the fuck was that?” he barked, stumbling back like you had just struck him with a Divine Retribution technique.
You licked your lips, looking very, very pleased with yourself.
"Huh. So you are sensitive."
Sukuna looked horrified.
"You—you disgusting little—" He slapped all four of his hands over his chest like some kind of violated Victorian maiden. "Did you just—"
You smirked. "I licked them nipps."
His entire body locked up.
For the first time in his immortal existence, Sukuna—the monster who had instilled terror into the strongest warriors, the man feared across history—ran.
He ran.
A whole four-armed sprinting menace.
You watched in absolute delight as he took off, tearing through the temple ruins like his life depended on it.
"Oh my god," you wheezed, doubling over with laughter. "This is the best day of my life."
Later, you found him lurking in the shadows like some kind of brooding, shirtless villain.
"Oi."
He twitched.
You approached, casual as ever, like you hadn’t just discovered his Achilles' heel (or nipples, in this case).
"Still sulking?" you teased, arms crossed, smirking up at him.
Sukuna was leaning against a half-crumbled pillar, arms crossed over his chest like it would protect him from your crimes.
His eyes snapped to you, burning with residual humiliation. "Say another word and I’ll tear your tongue out."
You hummed, tapping your chin, pretending to think. "That’s funny, coming from the guy who ran away the second I—"
"Shut. Up."
You grinned.
A slow, sinister, menace-filled grin.
"You know, Sukuna," you mused, watching the way his muscles tensed in pure, unfiltered rage, "it must be so hard being you."
His eye twitched. "What the hell are you—"
"You know," you continued, milking this moment for all it was worth, "all alone, up in this temple, no one to understand your struggles."
Sukuna glared. "I have no struggles, you imbecile."
You sighed dramatically, shaking your head. "No one to talk to… No one to help when things get rough…"
He snarled. "I don’t need—"
And then—
You delivered the final blow.
You placed a hand over your heart, feigning sympathy, then tilted your head slightly, voice dripping with fake concern—
"Must be tough… lactating by yourself, handsome."
Silence.
The world stood still.
Sukuna stared at you.
You stared back.
A vein bulged in his forehead.
His four fists clenched.
The entire atmosphere darkened.
You, completely unbothered, bit back a laugh.
His breathing got heavier. "I am going to rip you apart."
You shrugged. "I’d like to see you try."
He launched at you.
You screamed in pure joy, honked his boobies, and ran away.