Archive of Our Own

Hinata thinks that Kageyama and he might be close.

Hinata makes a lot of friends. He draws in everyone with his empathetic attitude and grand smile, but of course there's the sour apples, like Tsukishima, and... Kageyama. Kageyama is weird. He is strange and stupid and Hinata hates him. But he is strangely considerate and stupidly passionate, and Hinata tends to be grateful for this awkward partner of his. 

Hinata remembers when he noticed Kageyama out on the sidewalk, concentrating on a black furred cat that was walking in his direction. He noticed that when Kageyama scowled, the cat started to puff up. However, when Kageyama softened his demeanor and crouched to his knees, the cat settled and prowled closer in curiosity. 

He looked scared. He looked nervous. When the cat rubbed its third eye against Kageyama's fingertips down to its neck and chest, Kageyama grinned so successfully like there was no tomorrow. Hinata couldn't recognize the boy that was presented to him, and he biked home uncomfortably.

Kageyama is handsome. He appears very clean, with his tan colored skin and black hair that has never been dyed or jelled. He is tall and awesome (when he plays volleyball) and Hinata often grits when girls gossip happily about him. They usually mention how "mysterious" and "cool" he is, not to mention his athleticism. Hinata doesn't like talking about it.

Hinata sits on the bus after a tiring 3 set match next to Kageyama, who is staring out the window. Kageyama would be snoring the evening away, but Hinata guessed he was still excited to play more matches.

"Kageyama." Hinata spoke silently, worried he would wake anyone. Kageyama turned his head lazily. The sunset felt warm.

"Could I..." Hinata asked, but then scowled. He was going to ask that so naturally? "...could I feel your hair?"

Kageyama instantly gave a confused glare, clearly opposing the idea, but suddenly blushed and turned inward. He didn't say anything, and Hinata felt bad but also somewhat superior to making Kageyama embarrassed.

Hinata hovered his hand near his chest, and then ran his fingers hesitantly through Kageyama's very well kept hair. Kageyama flinched in his seat and gave Hinata a "Why the fuck are you touching me?" look, all the while his cheeks beet red. Hinata enjoyed the 1.2 seconds of Kageyama's very healthy and smooth hair before pulling his hand away, embarrassed as well.

"m'sorry," He mumbled, and stuffed both hands into his jersey pockets. "you're stupid."

He cherished the lingering feeling on his fingertips the entire way home.

-----

Hinata starts to grasp that he doesn't need an explanation to tell him why he's happy with Kageyama. He can do anything with him, and no matter what it is, Hinata would appreciate every moment, as long as it includes Kageyama.

Kageyama stretches next to him during break, wiping his face with a towel draped against his neck. Hinata pushes him for being too close, and Kageyama kicks him in the shin. Kageyama wins this time.

"Kageyama kun, I gotta show you something after practice," Hinata grins. "it's really cool."

"What? I doubt it's cool if you think it is." Kageyama rolls his eyes. Hinata laughs and gets up, holding his hand out.

"It's cool, you can trust me."

Kageyama glares and reaches up to Hinata's offer before Hinata snatches his hand away and giggles off like a four year old. Kageyama is not impressed, and Hinata is left with a sore ass that will be a bitch to bike up a mountain with.

After practice in the clubroom, Hinata drags Kageyama down the stairs and to the nearby park. Kageyama yells at him the entire way. Hinata forces Kageyama to sit down, which he does questioningly.

"So I was thinking of kissing you," Hinata begins. "and thought, why not a better place than the park? It's private.... quiet."

Hinata watches Kageyama's expressions and nearly burst into laughter. But he didn't, and instead showed a smirk. He waits for a response, but Kageyama seems so concerned that Hinata thinks Kageyama doesn't believe him.

"Is this some type of... Hinata stupidity?" Kageyama coughs. "We're both... guys."

"I know." Hinata kicks the dirt underneath his feet. "But for awhile I realized I wanted to do everything with you. Anything. Even this."

"But..." Kageyama blushes. "I-I never kissed anyone."

Hinata's eyes blow up. "You actually wanna kiss me?"

"I don't know! Shut the hell up!" Kageyama scowls and attempts to hide his heated face under his hands. "You're the one who wanted... you keep saying weird stuff to me!"

Hinata rubs the back of his neck, laughing awkwardly in agreement. He gets that Kageyama doesn't know anything about this type of thing, so instead of kissing Kageyama on the lips,  Hinata sits next to him, and gets a bit closer than he usually does.

Kageyama sighs into his hands. "Were you joking with me?"

"Not really, no." Hinata laughs nervously. "I don't want to kiss you if you are too nervous." Kageyama looks at him confused and Hinata is determined not to be intimidated and look away.  What scares Hinata in their tension is that Kageyama grabs the back of his head and head-butts their foreheads together. Hinata groans in agony while Kageyama curses.

"Dude! What the hell!" Hinata yells, gripping his forehead.

"You are being weird," Kageyama holds his swelling head. "You are not like this."

"You don't know me!"

Hinata groans again, feeling his eyes well up. He just wanted to kiss Kageyama. Well, it didn't have to be a kiss, probably anything that couples did would be cool. Why wasn't Kageyama acting the same? Hinata sighs and looks away, frustrated. Kageyama looks the other way as well, just as mad.

Could it be that it would never work out? They were two guys that were too dumb to talk about stuff outside of volleyball together. They hated each other and saw each other as an enemy, yet Hinata felt great whenever he was around Kageyama. What kind of dynamic is that?

"Fuck it!" Hinata yelled, and gripped Kageyama's hand aggressively.

"What-" Kageyama chokes. "What the hell Hinata!" He tries to let go of Hinata's death trap of a hand but has no effect.

"I am holding your hand and you are going to hold mine back." Hinata growls.

Kageyama shouts. "Why are you so insistent? We aren't like this! What is wrong with you?"

"Because- because-!" Hinata yells. "I am happy when I am with you!" His grip gets tighter. "And I don't understand why you can't feel happy with me!"

Kageyama looks shocked. Hinata wants to shrivel up and die. Hinata is in turmoil, and can't seem to hold on.  Kageyama lets go of Hinata and double takes for his school bag. He doesn't say anything. Neither does Hinata.

He doesn't look back when he walks away, and Hinata is left alone in the quiet park, rejected, and mad that he had allowed Kageyama to let go.

-----

Hinata was incredibly disappointed at his dramatic episode, and ended up waking up late for the school day. He practically shouted a curse when he checked his clock to see that morning practice was almost over. He tripped over his own feet to get to his closet, and screamed when he smashed his foot against the wall.

He's never rode his bike so haphazardly before and swore to never tell Kageyama about it, since he would certainly lecture him. But he probably didn't have to worry about that for a long time, did he? Hinata liked facing his problems. But this particular problem shifted his dignity, and he didn't want to face that head on. He wanted something to change, but Kageyama was never a fan of that. Change. Hinata didn't think it was scary. Why did Kageyama?

He was 10 minutes late to class, and the class laughed at his terribly buttoned shirt. He blushed, but couldn't compare to the hell he's been in. When lunch starts, he avoids his classmates and the gym to instead eat at the back of the school, where it was void of any vending machines. He unpacks the bento his mother made him, thanks her for the food, and silently eats it.

Hinata never felt so lonely in his life. He's felt powerless, but his friends/teammates helped him out with that. Kageyama helped out with that. Maybe this is what it was like to be Kageyama. Hinata scowled and pouted his lips in a Kageyama demeanor. He lowers his voice and mumbles "What're you looking at, I'm a dumbass, I am a volleyball dumbass." Hinata chuckles to himself. Yeah, like that. If only Hinata had some devil horns and a milk box would he become a perfect Kageyama.

Hinata eventually finishes his food and hears the bell ring. He ties his bento and runs to his next class. For the first time he wished it went a minute longer. Kageyama may hate him, but Hinata still loved playing volleyball. He just felt more hesitant than usual. He wasn't surprised that Kageyama avoided him the entire time they played on the court. He got tosses to spike, they played fine together, nothing was out of the ordinary, except for the eating guilt that Hinata felt he shouldn't be guilty about.

In the clubroom, Hinata pays his goodbyes and is the first to run out of there. He is surprised half-way to his bike that Kageyama calls out to him.

Hinata stops to look behind him, and Kageyama is jogging. Kageyama halts with a serious face.

Kageyama pauses in what he's going to say. Hinata can tell he's stupid, and doesn't know how to form words.

"I don't know how to be..." He waves his hands around. "...uh, er..."

"Nice? For fucks sake Kageyama, this can't be healthy."

"Shut up!" He yells. "I never had a friend! You are probably the closest to one for me!"

Hinata is slightly taken aback. He thought that Turnip-head and Bored-face were at least close, but then remembered Kageyama's tournament trauma and realized they were probably the last on that list right now, including Grand King Oikawa.

"And I was confused why you were treating me like we were... a thing. Dating. Is that what it's called?" Kageyama mumbles. "I'm..... sorry."

"So..." Hinata plays with the buttons on his bag. "do I make you happy, too?" He is uncharacteristically quiet, and he hates himself for that. Kageyama's face tells him that he doesn't know how to answer that, so Hinata laughs awkwardly. "It's a yes or no answer. Nothing to be embarrassed about. You can trust me."

"I'm not a little kid!" Kageyama hides himself in his jersey collar. Hinata can see Kageyama's ears pinking. "...yes."