Work Text:
When it happened, Rui didn’t think that he’d be able to contain himself from the moment his boyfriend’s lips touched his skin.
He felt everything. The way the other’s lips traced along his body, the gentle presses, silent, while the stiffling air eased as the director allowed himself to be felt. It was growing warmer with every second the young star spent cherishing his body.
Since when had he been so sensitive? He’s letting parts of himself- parts that he’s never allowed to be cared for of his body, parts that he’s neglected, and parts he wished he could forget- to be held and caressed by those delicate touches and soft lips, belonging to the person before him.
Tsukasa is always so kind…
The director’s skin has always been cold, like he couldn’t produce enough natural heat, and right now, it was being burnt and melted. His insides just as warm, and the breathes that left his lips weren’t just because he was afraid anymore.
He’s stopped feeling afraid ever since he realized how much trust Tsukasa had put into him. How much he wanted him to feel happy, and more so, content, no matter what he felt about himself.
Had he always been so happy? Had he always had the right to be proud of his wants, his passion? No one had ever told him that it was okay to direct these feelings towards himself. He just assumed it would come naturally when he found it deserved. Earned , so to say
But here he was, utterly vulnerable for the one that always showed him how much his own selfishness really mattered. With Tsukasa, it felt okay to be happy. To cherish the moments and to not hold back let the fear of being left alone again consume him. Rui felt.. no, knew , that that was okay now.
The star’s breathe was soft, and as his lips reached areas that sent colder shivers down his spine, Rui realized that he was willing to let his lover see the evidence of his past despairs. He knew that it would come to this eventually, but knowing that the moment was so close to happening should’ve sent him into a panic attack…
And yet… he made no move to stop the star. His hands held loosely between the other’s blonde locks, and never before had he felt so exposed to the world. His world.
He wondered back then, if the people who cared for him saw what he’d done to himself, if they’d feel any more pity for him than they already would’ve. Or if there’d be anyone willing to love the regrets, scarred on his skin, that he hated in his stead. It was so easy to do it back then, to inflict himself with pain and let everything else go numb, and he wishes he didn’t allow their traces to linger through the years.
But he knew for certain now. He doesn’t feel numb anymore. He couldn’t feel numb, now that his heart was full and every inch of his being was crying in gratitude for how lucky he was to be blessed with the people he’s got to know, the chances he got to grow, the life he got to achieve. And in the moment, the only feeling was..
Love.
Love for his boyfriend.. his light and his life. His star. Love for his person who was pressing soft kisses along the fainted cuts and white lines on his skin, tender like an embrace, warm like a match in the winter.
Tsukasa is kissing me.. I should feel like I don’t deserve him.. but it feels so right.. Since when have I become so weak for someone else..? I can’t help it… my heart is so loud.. I feel so many things it’s overwhelming.. My eyes feel like watering, but I don’t hate it. I love Tsukasa.. I love everything right now.. and he-
“Rui.”
The name was spoken so softly, it felt like it was worshipped by an angel’s. His eyes turned glassy from just that.
“You’re beautiful.”
“…”
That was the second time he’s been able to cry again since middle school. He couldn’t hold back even if he tried, and nothing else mattered more than what his lover was showing him, as clear as what his world has become ever since the star barged into it with all the light in the world.
Tsukasa loves me.
I’m loved.