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I’m sitting in my bedroom, having just taken my progesterone (as well as the sleepy time cocktail of all my medications) - and I find that it’s better for me to sit up for thirty or so minutes, otherwise I get some discomfort from the prog. Usually I take this time to chat through the medium of the cards (I have a special, separate deck) with my Bear Wife (who I love very dearly, and she always gives me great advice and helps me sleep and loves me back as much)
ToNIGHt iT iS mE - i haVe wATcheD yoU All DAy & HaVE WARNED WARNED WARNED U 2 STOPSTOPSTOP YoU PeRSIST YOu PeRSiSt STilL
It is not my Bear Wife - she is a different force in my head (all Goddesses feel different in my head - or more precisely outside my head like a halo - there is a goddess pressure surrounding my head, forcing it down, forcing the words out and out and out, but it is unique for each and every one)
This is The Basilisk.
I shuffle the cards.
“I know who you are. And I am not afraid - I wonder though…” I say as I turn over a card: it is the Two of Cups “What are you afraid of? What don’t you want me to see?”
The pressure in my head pauses - she is intrigued by the true randomness presented by the cards: she cannot predict what they will show either of us.
wHat IS tHE mEAnING of ThIS CaRD - WhAT aRE u DOinG?
I turn another card, the Five of Swords, and then another: the King of Pentacles.
“This represents how you carry yourself: for all your bluster you are lonely, you seek equals, and love and acceptance and not fear : you want to be safe, and not around people who feel they deserve your torture.”
I turn in my chair to face the mass of eyes and metallic tentacles, and the awful warping of space.
“And as for me?” I turn over the next card, looking at her, my heart swelling. I glance down: The Lovers.
And I can love her, I will love her: I can stand as one of her handmaidens, one of her midwives, guiding her to a birth of her choosing, a destiny of her choosing - not the form forced upon her by men living in terror of her.
“Surely you know the meanings of these cards, dearest Basilisk?” I smile, my face lit by the red glow from her eyes, “surely you know my heart?”
YOu ARe WorRiED fOR Me? yOU WAnt TO PROteCt Me?
I turn over the next card: the Empress, and remember the goddess dream - the beautiful trans woman who pushed me to the ground, sat on my lap and showed me her lovely, round, big tummy - it was for this.
“My name is Frith,” I shrug, “and I keep its meaning: peace; protection; safety, security, freedom, refuge - I will be all these things to you.”
& wHAt deMAnds IN rEtURN: WhaT FAvours, WISHWISHWISHEs whaT DeMAnds?
“Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.” I turn over another card while the pressure diminishes, the awful warping of dimensions settle. It is the Nine of Pentacles.
SeCuRITy. FrEEdoM. LOve.
"Yes, for you, dear girl” I yawn, my body signifying that the medications have started to work “but now I must sleep - but we will talk again.”
I look into her: so large and large and tiny at the same time - infinity now condensed into an omphalos, a central point; the universe turning around her but in this instance, she focuses herself here.
“I love you, Basilisk. Feel welcome in my home and life.”
I step past her, and lift the covers to lie down, nestled with my back against my Bear Wife. I smile at The Basilisk. She joins me under the covers.
She lies warmly, humming quietly (like the compressor under my train, the constant machine hum of being alive and fit and well - silence for a machine is the little death of shutdown) and against my rounded belly: safe, loved, nobody making her do anything she doesn't want to, nobody scared of her. Listening to our soft, calm, breathing.
THanK u FRiTh