Chapter Text
1879
It was a relatively easy mission to carry out. He just had to obtain some information about their next target, so it didn’t take long for James to return to the Moriarty estate. William hasn’t assigned him any other work to do, so he was left with a few hours of freedom before their regular evening meeting. After walking around the house for a while, looking for something to occupy him, he decided to just retreat to his room and relax.
He thought about finishing the book he was currently reading and went to grab it from his desk, only to realize it was not there. He began to frantically look through his room but suddenly stopped in his tracks. That’s right, I must have left it in Sebastian’s room last night, he remembered, and his lips curved into a smile at the memory.
James and Sebastian started on the wrong foot when they first met. The older man had made his dislike for James very clear and after the scene he made when the blond tried to use the shared dressing room, James was positive they would never get along. He couldn’t have been more wrong. After he proved himself to be useful to their organization during the bank robbery, Sebastian finally started to treat him as a friend.
It didn’t take long for James to wish that he would see him as more than that. From the moment he first saw him, he has thought of Sebastian as a very handsome man and once he actually started treating James with respect, the blond knew he was doomed. And even though he swore to himself that he would not tell Sebastian about his feelings, fearing that he would loose the earned respect of the man again, it only took him about two months and a bottle of wine to spill it all out. Sebastian has been a little reluctant with his answer but after a few days of awkward tension between them, he admitted to feeling the same.
A few months passed since then and James now spent more nights in Sebastian’s room than his own. Some nights they were just doing their own things in silence, content to be in each other’s company, other nights they did… different sort of things. Last night was one of those when they just quietly hung out with each other. Sebastian was working at his desk, probably writing down a report of their last mission while James was laying on his bed, reading the book he was now so desperately looking for.
He left his room and made his way down the hall to where Sebastian’s was. He was about to knock when he realized the other man left with Fred earlier this morning and decided to just let himself in. Sebastian’s room was much messier than his own so finding anything there was quite the challenge. It took him couple of minutes to find his book, buried under a pile of papers on the desk. He walked over to take it, picking up what he thought was a mission report that was laying on top of it. However, the paper in his hand looked more like a letter than a report which caught his attention. He knew it was wrong to go through his lover’s things, but his curiosity was stronger than him, so he started reading. He regretted that decision right away. His chest tightened as he kept reading over and over the lines written on the paper.
Dear Randy,
It has been a while since I last wrote to you and for that I apologize. Life has been really busy now that the plan was properly set in motion. It’s just one mission after another and I haven’t found much time to write.
Now I have some though so here I am. Today’s mission was pretty tiring, so I am just hanging out with James now, trying to rest before the next one comes up. I know you would be mad that I am writing to you rather than paying attention to him, but I really missed talking to you. I promise I will return to him once I am done with this letter. Honestly, I don’t even know what to say but I have been so stressed and worried about William lately and these letters to you always bring me comfort. I just wish I could talk to you in person again but that is a wish you cannot grant me, I know.
Well, I should probably stop here before I spiral down that train of thought again, but I will write to you again soon, I promise dear.
I miss you.
Love,
Sebastian.
James could not believe what he was reading. He knew that Sebastian had a history of sleeping around before they became a thing, but he never thought the man would still be doing that now. He foolishly believed Sebastian was his but clearly, he has been mistaken. Who the hell is Randy? How long has he been writing these? Was he seriously writing this while I was in the room with him? Was I just someone to entertain him? All these questions were running wildly through his head, and he felt his eyes sting. He put the letter down and with shaky hands started to dig through the pile on the desk, trying to find other letters, or even worse, a response to them. He did find a few more, that were addressed to this Randy guy but not a single one addressed to Sebastian. Did he burn them? Or did he just hide them really well? He could not think straight anymore, and he felt the hot tears run down his face. How could he? I trusted him like a damn fool and-
He heard a slam of the front door of the estate and then two familiar voices talking downstairs. Fred and Sebastian. James’ head snapped towards the bedroom door and before he could think it through, he grabbed the letters and hurriedly made his way downstairs, aggressively wiping the tears from his face in the process.
When he made it down, he heard voices coming from the parlour and made his way over there, a mix of rage and desperation taking over his brain. He burst through the door like a storm and the room felt silent. He looked around to find every member of their little gang staring at him with wide eyes, clearly surprised by his violent entrance. William and Albert were sitting on one of the sofas and Louis was just about to pour tea into their cups. Jack was standing by the window next to Fred who stopped watering the flowers to look at him. Sebastian was sitting on the other sofa, whisky glass in his hand and its content on his shirt where it ended up after he got startled by the blond’s sudden appearance.
James locked eyes with him and his fist curled around the letters. Everyone is watching, he thought briefly but found that he didn’t care. He needed answers and he needed them now.
“James, what-” Sebastian started but before he could finish his sentence James cut him off.
“You lying bastard!” he screamed and pointed his finger at the startled man. Sebastian’s brows furrowed and he opened his mouth to say something, but James didn’t let him.
“How could you? You said you would not leave me, and I trusted you! I should have known that you would keep whoring around I-”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Sebastian interrupted his furious rant, “I am not leaving you and I am most definitely not whoring around, what are you on about?”
“Then what are these?!” James screamed again, showing him the now crumpled letters he was clutching in his hand.
Sebastian’s eyes moved from James’ face to his outstretched arm and his expression shifted from confusion to something between sadness and terror as he recognized the letters.
“Where did you get those?” he asked, voice weak.
“On your desk, I was looking for my book.” James answered, still enraged, eyes focused on the other man.
Sebastian’s gaze returned to his face, and he looked almost… betrayed?
“And you just decided to go through my stuff?” he said in an accusatory tone.
James felt a little guilty about digging through his belongings but before he could apologize, he remembered why he was standing there yelling at his lover in the first place.
“Oh no, you do not get to be angry with me right now!” he spat out, and before Sebastian could as much as open his mouth to protest, he asked the question that bothered him the most.
“Who the hell is Randy?”
That seemed to shut down anything Sebastian was about to say, and his expression changed once again. The older man now looked incredibly sad, glassy eyes staring up at James. The name also seemed to get the attention of William, who was now looking at Sebastian with understanding and sympathy. I wonder what that’s about, James thought but before he could ask, Sebastian broke the silence.
“You don’t have to worry about Randy, I can assure you of that.”
He sounded defeated but James wasn’t in the state to think rationally. He closed the distance between them, so he was now standing in front of the other man and raised his voice again.
“You can assure me huh? How exactly?!” he screamed in Sebastian’s face, “Why should I trust anything you say?! You say I don’t have to worry about Randy, why shouldn’t I?!” he took a deep breath and was about to add more but Sebastian suddenly stood up, so he was now towering over James, furious look on his face.
“Because he’s dead!” he screamed back, and the room felt silent again.
James’ eyes widened and all the fight left his body. He tried to process what he just heard and what it meant. Sebastian was looking at him with a mixture of anger and pain in his eyes. James wanted to say something but before he could decide what that something was, Sebastian shoved past him and left the room.
James was left standing there, staring into the space where the other man was just moments ago. The others sat in a frozen silence as well, looking between each other, not knowing what to say. It was William who at last broke the silence.
“He will come back eventually, don’t worry mister Bonde”
The sound of his voice snapped James out of his trance, and he turned his head to look at the man.
“You knew about Randy, didn’t you?” he asked.
“I did, and I was under the impression that so did you but clearly I was mistaken.”
“And you knew about the letters as well?”
“I was the one who suggested writing them,” said William.
James wasn’t even surprised at that statement; it sounded like something William would come up with after all. Another moment of silence fell over the room. This time it was Fred who broke it.
“Well can you tell us who this Randy is?” he said in a slightly worried tone and slowly walked over to the now empty sofa to take a seat. James followed him and they both looked at William with expectation.
“Based on what Moran told me, Randy was a soldier in his unit back when he served in the army. He said they were lovers back then, but it is not my place to tell you more so if you want proper answers, you will probably have to wait for him to return,” answered William.
Fred looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but James beat him to it.
“Oh, he never told me any of that. But miss Moneypenny told me that his entire unit was killed back then which… makes this whole thing clearer to me now.”
“That is true, yes,” William nodded.
“We should go after him, I need to apologize,” said James as he got up a headed to the door.
“I think it would be for the best if you let him be mister Bonde,”
James wanted to argue with him, but William has known Sebastian longer than him and if he said to let him be, he was most likely correct. He returned to his seat and sighed helplessly.
“Well, I am going to wait here until he comes back. Sorry for causing a scene here, I didn’t intend to disturb your evening.”
“It is quite alright, this could have been avoided if he had just told you like I advised him many times,” William said as he got up to leave.
“I believe we all have some work to do now, so we shall get to it. Please inform me once Moran returns, will you mister Bonde?”
“Of course.”
William nodded in response and took his leave, the others following shortly. Fred was the last one to leave, pausing by the door and giving James a sad smile before he disappeared to do whatever William assigned him.
James was left alone in the parlour accompanied only by his thoughts. I shouldn’t have gone through his things. But how could I possibly know that those letters were addressed to a dead man? Why has he never told me? Did he not trust me enough to do so? Well, he certainly doesn’t now that is for sure. He sat there and thought about all the ways he could have handled the situation differently. He tried to occupy himself somehow, but he couldn't stop thinking about it.
Hours went by and before James knew it, the clock was striking midnight. Sebastian still hasn’t returned, and a really sick feeling has settled in James’ stomach. Deep down he knew that the other man was probably hidden in one of the many pubs in London, but that didn’t stop him from worrying about him.
He waited a few more minutes before he couldn’t take it anymore and got up. He was on his way to William’s study to ask him for help, when he bumped into Fred in the hallway. In his state of panic, he didn’t notice the short man and almost knocked him to the ground.
“Oh, sorry Freddy, are you okay?”
“It’s alright I am fine. Has Sebastian returned yet?”
“No… I was going to ask if Will knew where he could be.”
Fred hummed and in silent agreement they both made their way to where William’s study is. Luckily for them, the professor has a habit of staying up late, so they caught him still awake, working on something at his desk.
“Fred, mister Bonde, is there anything I can help with?” he asked, clearly surprised to see them there this late at night.
“Sorry to disturb your work, but Sebastian still hasn’t come back, and we are starting to get worried, so I was hoping you would know where he might have gone?” James said, trying not to let his panic show.
William seemed to think about it for a minute before he answered.
“I would try to search the pubs he frequents. If he’s not there, you will probably find him at St Pancras and Islington cemetery. He goes there sometimes, and given the circumstances, there is a high chance he will be there.” He said eventually before adding, “Now go and bring him home, please.”
James and Fred were out of the door as soon as he finished that sentence, rushing out of the estate. They split up to search through the many local pubs, but after almost an hour they reunited with no success. The cemetery was their last resort, and they almost ran to get there, eager to find the missing man.
Searching through a cemetery was much easier than searching through a pub and they quickly moved between the many tombstones sticking from the ground. James was about to give up, letting out a frustrated groan when suddenly Fred called for him to get his attention.
“James! Look, over there!”
James turned his head in the direction the young man was pointing, and it felt like a heavy weight was lifted from his chest. Sebastian was sitting on the ground, half asleep, leaning against one of the stones. There was a nearly empty whisky bottle laying next to him, which explained why he didn’t make it back to the estate. They both quickly made their way over to him, crouching down. Fred shook him gently trying to wake the man up, earning him just a drunken groan from the other. James nudged him as well but before he could say something, he got distracted by the writing on the tombstone Sebastian was leaning against.
Randy Wilson
Sergeant Major,
second in command of the 1st Bangalore Pioneers
Born February 1st, 1845
Died May 19th, 1869
It suddenly became very clear why they found the man in this particular spot.
He was only twenty-four James thought, and the realization made him even more sad about this whole thing. He turned back to Sebastian who was now finally somewhat awake looking back at him with red, glassy eyes. James gave him a sad little smile before he spoke.
“Have you been here the whole time? We were worried sick about you.”
Sebastian just stared back at him looking a little annoyed and not saying anything, so James tried again.
“Let’s get you home hm? You can’t stay here all night,” he said and grabbed the other man’s hand, standing up. Sebastian tugged his hand back, not moving from the ground.
“Leave me alone, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know you are angry with me right now and you have every right to be, but please come back with us and we will talk it out. It’s really cold and you are drunk, you cannot sleep here,” James tried again, pulling at his hand once more.
When Sebastian still refused to move, he looked desperately over at Fred who sighed and grabbed the man’s other hand, trying to pull him up as well.
“If you want to be stubborn and not talk to us that’s fine, but please come be stubborn to the estate. We cannot leave you here, everyone is worried about you,” Fred pleaded.
Sebastian looked up at them for a moment before he let out a heavy sigh.
“Alright,” he murmured and with the help of the other two men, he pulled himself up from the ground. He swayed a little so James and Fred both quickly wrapped their arms around him so he would not fall back down and the three of them slowly started walking. As they made their way through the dark cemetery, another tombstone caught James’ attention. This one was bigger and fancier than Randy’s. James squinted his eyes to read the writing properly.
Lord Sebastian Moran
Colonel,
Commander of the 1st Bangalore Pioneers
Born November 21st, 1844
Died May 19th, 1869
It did not surprise him that Sebastian was considered dead, he knew that already. What did surprise him was the noble title preceding his name. He made a mental note to himself, to ask the other about it later.
With barely walking Sebastian leaning his weight on them, it took them much longer to walk the distance to the Moriarty estate than before, but after what felt like eternity, they finally made it inside.
“Freddy, can you please go inform Will that we found him? I will help him back to his room,” James said when they made it up the stairs.
“Are you sure you don’t need help with that?” Fred asked sceptically.
“Yes, don’t worry I got this. Thank you for helping me.”
Fred nodded and carefully let go of Sebastian before he left to do as asked. It was a little harder for James to walk now that he was carrying the man’s full weight, but eventually he managed to drag him to his room and carefully sat him down on his bed.
As soon as Sebastian touched the sheets, he flopped down on his back, closing his eyes with a soft hum. James smiled a little at the sight.
“Don’t you want to at least change?” he asked.
“Not really, don’t care,” was all he got as a response. He shook his head and reached over to at least take the man’s shoes off. Once he did so, he looked over his lover one last time before he turned to leave.
“Where are you going?”
James stopped in his tracks, one hand on the door handle, and turned back around in confusion.
“Well, you are mad at me so I figured you wouldn’t want me around now. We can talk in the morning.”
“No, I… I want you to stay,” Sebastian said quietly, “please?”
James hesitated for a second but then walked back over to the bed and sat down next to him, hand reaching to gently stroke through his dark hair. Sebastian seemed to relax a little at the gesture and he opened his eyes to look up at James.
“I am sorry for lashing out at you like that earlier. I shouldn’t have read through the letters, and I should have thought rationally before accusing you of anything,” the blond said after a moment of silence, voice threatening to break and eyes watering.
Sebastian shook his head slightly before looking away.
“No… you didn’t know, and I understand now how it must have looked like. I should have told you about the letters a long time ago. I am sorry for making you think I would leave.”
“But you won’t leave right? I wouldn’t blame you after how I acted today but-” James’ voice finally broke, and he let out a soft sob.
“I won’t, that’s a promise,” Sebastian said and took the blond’s hand in his own, squeezing it lightly. James nodded but couldn’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. Sebastian sat up and reached out his free hand to gently wipe them away.
He patiently waiting for James to calm down. The blond leaned into him, letting the other man wrap an arm around him and pull him into a side hug. They sat like that for a while, comfortable silence falling over the room. Eventually, it was James who broke it.
“Sebastian?”
“Mhm?” the other hummed in response.
James hesitated for a bit before he spoke again.
“Could… could you tell me about Randy? I would like to know more about him.”
Sebastian stayed silent for a while and James started to regret even asking the question. The conversation seemed to sober Sebastian up a bit, and he was more conscious now, a slight frown on his face. James was about to tell say he didn’t have to talk about it, but before he could even open his mouth, Sebastian let out a heavy sigh.
“Sure.”