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Archer lies on the hospital bed. His body feels like it's on fire. His left leg and arm are…gone. Vaporized in an instant. The left border of his torso and head were taken as well. The only thing holding him together are the bandages.
A constant drip of painkillers and sedatives flows into his remaining arm. All he does is look up at the ceiling. It beats his endless screaming. He doesn't have much energy for that anymore, not since the doctors gave him the sedatives.
It all just makes him think. Was any of it worth it? Desperately crawling his way to the top. Stepping on as many hands and feet and bodies just to secure the vague goal of being a war hero. Earning that recognition.
It was easier when the number was smaller. Just a few sacrifices he'd made. A private here, a lieutenant there. All people he'd deemed insignificant.
But in Liore, those few sacrifices grew in just a moment's time. Instead of some justifiable number, his stepping stones turned into a national tragedy. Nearly 1,000. All dead. Because he didn't listen to the Fullmetal Alchemist. He was warned against going into the city. And he let his ambition blind his common sense. The small, forgotten voice in his head that told him to think about what he was being told.
It was never his job to think. To investigate, piece things together, yes. But a proper soldier's duty doesn't involve questioning his actions. His duty is to follow orders and give them to his subordinates. He's not supposed to think about them.
Perhaps that's where he went wrong. Investigating the truth behind Lab 5. He went above his station, deeper and deeper into his country's underbelly. And now he's paid the price.
He made his deal with the devil recruiting Kimbley. A terrible weapon, he was. But a weapon nonetheless. One that could set him apart from the other officers. His own attack dog that could make anyone and anything disappear.
It's not surprising he wasn't long for this world. But it's disappointing. And aggravating. The favors he pulled, the bribes he made, just to get that madman's name cleared, all for nothing. He couldn't even correctly follow the one (un)official mission he was given after joining. Rile up the people of Liore and goad them into attacking. All he did was pick a fight with the other Elric boy (drawing Mustang's continued ire), cause mayhem, then die fighting a single Ishbalan man. Still giving him an excuse to invade Liore was just about the only thing he did right, and that was only accomplished with his death.
What a waste of all his efforts.
What a disaster Liore was. His first chance to prove himself. And it ended within hours. Declared a national tragedy.
And here he is, lying on a hospital bed, mutilated completely.
Automail can fix him. Give him back a semblance of what he lost. But he'll never be whole again.
He'll be looked down upon, at best. Seen as a freak, at worst. His carefully crafted persona died that day. Some small part of him feels as if he did, too. That transmutation’s purpose was to take souls. Was his own ripped apart and mangled like his body? He can't tell. He sold it so long ago.
But there's a searing emptiness in him. Kept only at bay by the sedatives. Controlling his urge to scream out. In anger. Despair. Regret. Anything.
Annie sits next to him, by his side after everything that's happened. She's been taking care of everything for him. Paperwork, phone calls, even feeding him when the sedatives keep him unable to move much. Making him helpless like a child. What a disgrace he's become..
But still she remains. After everything. Even after her abuse at the hands of Kimbley.
No.
It wasn't just abuse. He has to be honest with himself. It was rape. He raped her. And Archer…didn't do a goddamn thing to help her. Not one thing. He barely even scolded Kimbley. All he did was ask the bastard not to turn her into a bomb.
The only thing he did for her…was transfer some money under the table to pay for a potential abortion. That's it. This loyal little lieutenant, his sweet little aide of his...the only thing he did was provide her with the funds to get rid of any “unwanted consequences,” as he'd called it.
…Why did he do that? Was it just because Kimbley was more useful to him? The ability to make any problems disappear in a massive explosion, over...to be honest, the most loyal person in his life. Who truly wanted nothing from him.
No, that's not true. She wanted his praise. His attention. His…affection.
The thought made him smirk before. Even let out a little laugh. Such a naïve player in the Amestrian military. One who had no ulterior motives beyond wanting her commanding officer to notice her.
It took him an entire year to do even that. He considered her truly worthless when she joined him. He honestly didn't know how she even managed to graduate from the military academy. She was just a clumsy, awkward idiot who shouldn't have been allowed to possess a firearm. Or so he thought.
That changed last year. When they and other soldiers were traveling by train. A group of terrorists unhappy with the government boarded. Archer himself was caught up in everything, even enjoying the situation beneath his veneer of a concerned officer. He didn't notice the man sneaking up behind him. Not until his gun was raised. He anticipated the shot. Held his breath as he prepared to take the pain.
But when a shot rang out, the man fell dead, and his little lieutenant held the smoking gun.
He remembers her arms shaking. Her wide brown doe eyes flitting between him and the man she shot dead with a single bullet to the back of the skull. And her meek voice speaking up, asking if he was okay.
She saved his life that day. With a damn fine shot. He actually felt proud of her then.
When the commotion stopped, he felt compelled to check on her. She was still shaking like a leaf, so he grabbed her shoulder gently and told her to take deep breaths. And she nodded, always eager to listen to him. Then she told him that was her first ever kill.
The first life she took…she took to save his own.
That almost made him feel something, back then. But deep down, Archer is not a soft man. He felt no guilt for unwittingly putting her in that situation. All he did was think about how he could use what had happened. A timid girl gathering her courage and saving the life of her commanding officer? It was a dream cliché. One that would make the public and higher-ups eat right out of the palm of his hand.
So he made a show of it. Paraded her around functions, telling her exactly how to dress and speak and act. He even held a small ceremony and gave her a damn medal. And it worked. He made so many connections using her and spinning her story.
And he'd be an idiot if he didn't notice the way his attention made her feel. The way she stuck to his side, like a stupid little lost duckling. The way her cute doe eyes obviously softened whenever she looked at him. He doubted she was even aware of what she was doing.
She was obviously starved for attention. Affection. It's no wonder she latched onto him the moment he started showing it to her. So he used that, too. And he'd be lying if he said her attention didn't feed his ego. For that reason, he made her his aide. Kept her around to do all the tedious work he had no time for. And she absolutely beamed when he proposed the idea.
For what it's worth…she thrives in that role. Doing everything he asks of her and more with that sweet smile. Going above and beyond just because she wants to. She wants nothing more than for him to be happy and successful.
Even now. After everything that's happened to her. Even after his lack of discipline against Kimbley's assault.
He remembers the look on her face when he left with Kimbley. Confusion. Despair. Betrayal. He didn't know what to do in that situation, so he did what he does best and sacrificed the weaker player in his game.
And in hindsight…it wasn't the right choice. Kimbley turned out to be a dud, and Annie is still here. And Archer feels remorse for his actions for the first time…in a long, long time.
It hurts. The pain of it is muddled by what his body is going through, combined with all the medications and the sedatives. But it hurts nonetheless. Although, he supposes this emotional pain is nothing compared to Annie's.
But she's still right here. Right by his side, doing everything she can for him. Even…even holding his hand when the vulnerable side of himself that he thought he'd discarded rears its ugly head into the picture. Assuring him he'll be able to return to his post in time. That all of his efforts hadn't been wasted in one single day.
He turns his head and looks at her. There are bags under her eyes. Of course, she hasn't been sleeping well. Not after what happened, combined with how much time she's been spending here with him. But every time she catches him looking at her, she still smiles that same sweet smile…but it doesn't reach her eyes like it used to.
“Lieutenant..” he says quietly.
Annie looks over. Her head tilts.
“Yes, sir..?”
Archer looks away from her. He stares up at the ceiling.
“Do you hate me for what I've done..?”
Annie's eyes widen. She shakes her head quickly.
“Of course not, sir! What happened in Liore wasn't your fault! Like I said, it was Scar who did that…thing. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I should've taken him out before it happened..”
There she goes again. Archer doesn't blame her for what happened. It wasn't her job to kill Scar. She was lucky he let her go, in fact. And from what she told him, it was only because she'd inadvertently revealed what Kimbley had done to her. When she kicked his corpse and cursed him.
In any case, she had no way of knowing what would happen.
“That's not what I'm talking about, Lieutenant.”
“...Oh, um…then what are you talking about, sir?” she asks innocently.
Archer doesn't know how to broach the topic. So he just rips the band-aid off.
“What happened between you and Kimbley. Do you hate me for what I did? Or didn't do?”
Annie goes quiet and she looks down at the floor. Her voice is soft when she finally speaks.
“....no, Colonel. I don't hate you..”
“Why?”
Archer asks without thinking. But he does want to know, so he lets the question hang in the air.
Annie starts picking at her nails. The nervous habit of hers he's been trying to get her to kick.
“I…I understand why you didn't punish him. He was more useful to you than I could ever be..”
It's Archer's turn for his remaining eye to soften at her. Of course, she recognized that. But it's not true. Not anymore. He looks at her again.
“You're wrong, Lieutenant. That may have been what I thought back then. But I was mistaken.”
Annie looks back over at him, as well. She doesn't look convinced at all.
That's…disappointing. She used to believe everything he said.
“Listen to me, Lieutenant,” he pauses. “...Annie. You have done so much more for me than Kimbley ever did.”
Annie looks down again.
“Because he died so soon.”
Archer's eye widens. Annie has never talked back to him like that before. But…she's also not wrong.
“That may be the case. But as it stands, Kimbley did nothing but cause me trouble. But you…you've been by my side for an entire year, worked with me for another before that. You've followed every single one of my instructions flawlessly. Gone above and beyond for me,” Archer wishes she'd look at him again. “Throwing you away like I did…was a mistake. One I deeply regret. I'm sorry, Annie. Please forgive me.”
Annie wishes she could. But Kimbley opened her eyes to Archer's machinations. Recruiting not just him, but Shou Tucker, as well. A vile man who experimented on his own daughter.
Kimbley let her in on the real Archer. The man who sacrifices people he doesn't need. Who'll do anything in order to chase his dream.
“Colonel…if I may…”
“Of course,” Archer says quietly. He…wants to be open. For her.
Annie continues to pick at her nails. They're starting to bleed.
Archer sighs a little at the sight.
“Your nails. You're doing it again..”
His arm is so heavy. But he uses what little strength he has in his body to lift it and grab Annie's left hand, pulling it towards himself.
Annie looks over at him again, then back down to the floor.
“Sir, I…I can't trust that you're actually sorry..”
Archer sinks into the bed at that. His brows furrow slightly as he looks back up at the ceiling.
“...Yes, I suppose I deserve that,” a long moment passes before he looks at her again. “You're getting smarter. You're starting to question people's intentions. That's good. But…I truly am sorry for what I did.”
He squeezes her hand. There's not much strength behind it, he's still so weak. But he wants to give her some reassurance.
“You don't have to believe me. Just…give me the chance to prove it to you.”
Annie sighs. She knows she shouldn't. But she's just so weak for him.
“...Okay, sir..”
That brings a slight smile to Archer's face. The first smile he's had since his mutilation.
“Thank you. And one more thing,” he waits until Annie looks at him to speak again. “...Please, leave your nails alone. I don't want you to hurt yourself like this.”
“I'll try, sir. Sometimes, I don't even know I'm doing it.”
“I know. Please, be more careful with yourself.”
Annie winces at that. She knows he didn't mean it how she took it, but his words remind her of her actions in the barracks outside of Liore.
When she willingly visited Kimbley in secret in the evenings. She thought if she started a consenting affair with him, it would make up for what happened to her. Make the stealing of her virginity just an unconventional anecdote for the start of their “relationship” together. Give her back some semblance of control over herself.
It didn't do any of that. All it did was make her feel worse. Disgusting. Unclean. Used.
She takes her hand back from Archer, and she looks away yet again.
Archer doesn't understand why she so suddenly pulls away. He opens his mouth to ask, but there's a knock on the door, and the doctor enters. Both Archer and Annie readjust, suppressing any intimate familiarity. There's nothing physical going on between them, but the last thing Archer's career needs right now are rumors of an illegal affair.
The doctor discusses his condition with him. Informs him that the request for automail plating to seal his body shut permanently has been sent. And another dose of sedatives is administered before the doctor leaves.
Archer can feel his body being pulled back into slumber. Automail plating…He can hide it on his torso under his uniform, but he can't do the same when it's on the side of his face. He's always taken satisfaction in his appearance. Knowing he'll have metal permanently grafted to his face, ruining his good looks, is yet another bitter pill to swallow, even if it was discussed before.
He sighs as the sedatives take hold.
Annie knows the routine by now. She grabs his hand in both of hers. One thumb rubs the back of his hand. She knows the sedatives have a habit of making him feel vulnerable.
Archer hates it. Feeling so emotional is alien to him. Yet something about Annie's presence, her touch, soothes his shame.
He looks over to her one last time, before sleep takes hold of him completely.
“I wish we could share coffee again..” he mutters, his words slurred.
He misses the mornings when she brought two cups of coffee to his office, with cake to nibble on. He never thought he would. But those days were so simple. They ended when Kimbley joined him. And Archer has no one to blame but himself.
His words make Annie's heart ache. She squeezes his hand.
“So do I, sir..”
She watches as his eye grows too heavy to stay open. It's not long until his breathing evens out. Once she's sure he's asleep, she finally lets herself crack, and she weeps softly.