Work Text:
Felix waits anxiously in front of Chan’s bathroom. He switches his weight from foot to foot, playing with the hem of his shirt. The shower stops running and his heart leaps into his throat. He can hear Chan humming the chorus of I like it as he dries himself off. Felix twists his shirt between his hands and takes a deep breath.
“Jesus!” Chan squeaks when he exits the bathroom, hand on his naked chest. Towel wrapped around his waist. “You scared me.”
Felix smiles. He’s still buzzing with energy, adrenaline making his blood run faster through his veins, his muscles unable to stop twitching, even after a shower. He can’t help but smile when he sees Chan’s face, it’s instinct.
“Sorry. I asked Seungminnie to give me his key.”
Chan closes the bathroom door and leans on it, standing so close to Felix, but not close enough. He smiles too, dropping his hand. Felix makes a conscious effort not to ogle him shamelessly.
“You okay? Is it your back?”
It warms Felix’s heart that Chan always worries about him, as much as it frustrates him sometimes. He shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah. My back is fine.”
“And your arm?”
“All good.”
“Good.” Chan nods. He looks at Felix for a second, expecting an explanation, but then shrugs and looks at his bed. “Just wanna hang out then? I was gonna order room service. Did you eat?”
Felix keeps looking at him. His pretty face. Flushed from the shower. Hair wet, droplets falling on his neck and shoulders. Nestling in the nook of his collarbone. “Yeah, nah. Haven’t—haven’t eaten. Yet. I’m down to eat.”
He didn’t really have a plan when he asked Seungmin to switch with him. All he knew was that he couldn’t stop thinking about Chan’s hands on his waist when he got him to dance on stage. It lasted just a few seconds, their hips swayed together and he held Felix’s wrist. If only Felix didn’t have the water bottle in his hand, they could have held hands properly. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Chan hugged him from the back when they finished I like it.
Their concerts are full of little moments shared between all the members. Some of it is to get the reaction from the audience and some of it just because they’re having so much fun and don’t know what to do with all that energy. Felix is used to hugs and spilling water on each other and hair ruffling and pretend kisses. Ass smacking and grabbing. All of it. He’s used to physical affection from Chan, too.
But tonight was different. There was something in Chan’s eyes. There are these moments, scattered across their years spent together where Felix can look at him and see himself there. See that Chan is thinking the same thing. Wants the same thing. Wants Felix as much as Felix wants him. Tonight was one of those nights.
“Okay, great.” Chan smiles, his beautiful teeth all on display, before he goes to move and order. “What are you feeling?”
But Felix can’t let him leave. If he lets him move, the moment is gone and it will be another several months before he gathers the courage to do this, beating himself up for missing his chance late at night, all alone in his bed. He knows this. He knows himself. It has to be now.
So, he grabs Chan’s arm and keeps him in place. Chan’s eyes widen in surprise and he’s about to question him, but Felix just presses him back against the door and closes that little distance left between them.
Chan’s lips are damp and way too soft. It feels like Felix could easily break skin if he applied some force with his teeth. Like he could rip them in half and find out what Chan’s blood tastes like, suck it right out of him. He doesn’t, though. He’s gentle and slow, testing out the waters, the realization of what he’s doing hitting him. He holds Chan’s arm like Chan held his at the concert.
Chan is in a state of shock, not moving. Felix heard and felt him gasp before he kissed him. For a few seconds it’s just Felix kissing him, feeling awkward and afraid and excited, ready to pull back and apologize for hours if this isn’t what Chan wants, if he read it wrong.
But then Chan’s body relaxes, shoulders dropping, exhaling through his nose. He gets his hands on Felix’s waist, how he held him a few hours ago and tilts his head to the side. Felix melts into him. He thinks his knees actually buckle under the weight of relief, but he manages to stay upright. He gets his hands on Chan’s neck, his nape, up in his wet, curly hair. His lips part more and Chan slips his tongue in his mouth. Felix feels like he could float away.
When he needs to pull back just to breathe, a string of spit connects them as he slowly opens his eyes. Chan bumps their noses together, hand softly stroking the small of Felix’s back.
“What was that?”
Felix chuckles. He presses his face closer, nuzzles his nose in Chan’s cheek and their foreheads together. “That’s… something I wanted to do for a long time.”
He can feel every time Chan inhales, how his breath hitches, how his arms twitch around Felix’s body. “Yeah? How long?”
He’s already come this far, he doesn’t think admitting the truth can cost him more. Besides, Chan deserves to know. Felix deserves to say it, to not be the only person carrying this around by himself anymore.
“Since the day I met you.”
Chan actually gasps at that and it’s so cute. So adorable. Felix wants to steal another quick kiss, so he does. It doesn’t give Chan time to reciprocate, but that doesn’t matter. He twists Felix’s shirt between his fingers, just how Felix was doing before.
“Really?”
He’s not sure if Chan genuinely can’t believe it, or if he just wants confirmation.
“First time you spoke to me in our accent, I wanted to kiss you. And not just then.” Felix swallows. “When I got eliminated.” At that, Chan pulls him closer into his body, as if there is somehow a threat of Felix being ripped away from his arms, after all these years. “When I came back. When we finally debuted. When we got our first win. When we slept in your bunk bed a million times. I really wanted to kiss you back then.”
Chan takes a deep breath, throwing his head back and looking up at the ceiling. It reveals his throat to Felix, which is dangerous because he is so greedy for any part of him. So he presses a quick, shy kiss right on Chan’s Adam’s apple.
“I wanted to kiss you when we pulled those straws and found out we won’t be sharing a room anymore.” Felix continues. “Every time we played games together. When you talked about me on Channie’s room. That time we went home together.” He giggles. “Mum kept saying how it’s cute we had to keep seeing each other even when we weren’t in Korea. I was blushing so hard. Think she’s been onto me for a very long time, to be honest.”
Chan laughs. He lets his hand trail up Felix’s spine. It tickles, bends Felix’s body so he has to arch closer into Chan. It ends up on his shoulder, squeezing just a little.
“Really? All those times?”
Chan is looking at him properly now and it’s so much, it’s always been too much to be the subject of Chan’s attention, he’s so intense it makes Felix’s insides curl on themselves, all of his organs shriveling so they can hide from his gaze.
“And like—a million more.” Felix says, stroking his thumb under Chan’s ear. “Like tonight, on the stage. Or when you work out. Or when we go out to eat. When you tackled me during that code episode in snow. Really wanted to kiss you back then.” He repeats his desperation.
The last bit comes out as a sigh, a little far away. He’s wanted to kiss Chan every day for the past 8 years. “You’re just… you’re all I want.”
Chan sighs and kisses his forehead. Then his nose, so gentle like he’s touching a butterfly that landed on his palm. His lips come so close to Felix’s own, but he doesn’t kiss him there.
“I really wanted to kiss you when I saw you playing with Berry.” He says, quiet and a little shy maybe. Felix smiles. “Caught myself looking and though this is what I want to see for the rest of my life. You and her. Or you and some other dog, our own dog, back in Sydney. In our own house. Just the two of us.”
“And a dog.” Felix smiles wider.
Chan smiles back. “And a dog. Or three.”
“That’s very nice.” He says in that thick accent and makes Chan snort.
“Felix, that sounds very nice.”
“Very nice.”
“I don’t know if you remember, but… Chan’s room, in Manila. Over two years ago now, actually. But you came to my room, like now. You got locked out. You had to wash up. I said I’m not gonna let you go and you pretended to bite me for the camera. Called me a cunt as you were leaving.”
Chan slapped his ass before he started the live. Of course Felix remembers. “Of course I remember.”
“I wanted to kiss you whenever you’d fall asleep on my shoulder in the bus or car ride home. Or when we talked about how much we missed home. When you’d come to the studio just to keep me company or try to convince me to go home and get some sleep.”
Felix feels like he’s going to melt. Like all of his bones will turn into jelly and spill in Chan’s arms.
“I wanted to live with you.” Felix says, lips brushing against Chan, breathing in his air. “Now, when we picked new dorms. But I was scared. I didn’t think I could survive seeing you every day, all day.”
Chan gives him a small smile. “I know. I get it. Me too.” He holds Felix by his nape and kisses his cheek, right under his eye. “You’re all I want too. All I’ve ever wanted. All I’ll ever want.”
Felix kisses him again. He wraps his arms around Chan’s shoulders and presses their bodies together completely, his crotch against Chan’s. It’s just Felix’s clothes and the towel separating them. Chan holds him with so much care, like he might break if he applies any force. His hands keep roaming all over Felix’s body, restless, like he doesn’t know where he wants to touch more.
“I love you.” Felix says between kisses. “Chris, I love you.”
Chan squeezes his sides, groaning into his mouth. It makes Felix’s stomach flip. “I love you too. My baby, ‘course I love you.”
“What are we—what are we gonna do?” he asks, struggling to keep his attention anywhere that isn’t Chan’s lips or muscles. “I’m scared, what are we gonna do?”
“I know. My little sunshine, yeah? I know. We’ll figure something out. Come here. Let me kiss you. Hyung will figure something out.”
It fills Felix with hope. Maybe it’s possible. Maybe they can do it, without ruining their and everyone else’s lives. Chan has always been the one to take on any issues they had, fix the situation, step up and solve it. It’s been like a warm security blanket over Felix’s life, making him cocoon under Chan’s arm and know he doesn’t have to worry.
Chan kisses like he’s hungry for him, like his greed could ever rival Felix’s own. But it can’t. Nothing ever could. Felix has him now, he finally has him where he’s wanted him since he’s been a teenager. Since he was a lost kid who came to a different continent in pursuit of his dream and ended up with two in his hands.
When he pulls back, he lets his lips find path to Chan’s neck, shameless but still careful. He doesn’t bite like he wants to, doesn’t leave his mark the way he deserves, the way he has the right to claim after everything. He can be patient. There will be time for that. For now, he sedates his hunger with licks and kisses, sucking just a little, making Chan pant.
“Fuck, c’mere.”
Then Chan’s hands are on Felix’s ass and he’s being picked up, legs coming to wrap around Chan’s hips without even thinking about it. Chan carries him as Felix continues to drag his lips over his throat, until he’s sitting on his bed and having Felix straddle him properly.
“What did you tell Seungmin?” he asks, palms still on Felix’s ass, stroking, shy of groping him properly.
Felix leans into the touch, torn between trying to get the pressure of Chan’s hands on him more and sink into his lap completely. “Just that he should give me his key. That I want to talk to you. He was so tired, I’m pretty sure he’s already passed out on my bed.”
Chan finally lets himself touch Felix with more intent, hands a little rougher when he pulls him closer. He squeezes where thighs meet ass, where he’s the softest under his baggy shorts. Felix lets out a pleased sound, kissing him, cupping his face.
He spreads his legs more so he can fit himself where he wants, right over Chan’s dick. It’s dangerous, really, to only have a towel around Felix who is now allowed to kiss and touch as much as he wants. Allowed to grind down on him properly, to flex his muscles and angle himself so he can feel Chan twitching.
“Chris.” He sighs, rolling his hips properly. “I think you’re getting hard for me.”
He’s aware of his little gremlin grin and Chan matches it, rolling his eyes. “That’s not a new thing.” He says. “Maybe for you. But, um. Haha. Yeah.”
Felix squeezes his cheeks. “Yeah? You think of me when you jerk off, mate?”
Chan slaps his ass, still so gentle and soft, he must be aware Felix’s body is sore all over after hours of jumping around and dancing. “Yeah. You’re all I think about. Always.”
It fills him with that giddiness again, every time Chan confesses to being as obsessed as he is. His chest is full of cotton candy and it makes it hard to breathe, but it’s the best feeling in the world. To know he’s not alone in this, in years of wanting but not having, almost reaching for it, spending every moment imagining what it would be like.
Chan is definitely growing hard under him and Felix is losing his mind a little bit. He would bounce around the walls of this hotel room right now if it weren’t for Chan’s hands to keep him grounded. For the way he’s slowly, just barely, tenting that white towel.
“Me too.” Felix says, moving again to feel him properly. He’s somehow never seen him hard, for all the times they’ve caught each other naked and Chan’s nudist tendencies. “All the time.”
Chan helps him roll his hips properly, guiding him. It shouldn’t be as hot as it is, but Felix has never been touched like this and he’s been in love with Chan for as long as he can remember, so. He can’t really be blamed.
“I don’t have lube here.” Chan whines, no doubt genuinely sad about it.
“’s okay.” Felix shakes his head. “Can I take off the towel?” he asks, hand already on the knot Chan tucked in by his hip.
They lock eyes and Chan nods slowly. He licks his bottom lip. Felix lifts himself up on his knees so he can remove it properly. It falls on the bed, leaving Chan bare for his eyes. Half hard and waxed everywhere, he knew that much. Big, even like this, already. Felix’s mouth fills with saliva.
“You’re so pretty.” He says, a curious hand coming to hold him.
“Oh my gosh.” Chan giggles, throwing his head back and squeezing his eyes.
“What? You are.” Felix insists, fascinated with his body, like he’s always been. “So pretty, Chris.”
Chan tilts his head to look at him properly. It makes Felix’s heart skip a beat or two. “Have you ever done this?”
Felix bites his lip and shakes his head.
“Nothing?” Chan asks.
“Just making out.” He says, rubbing his thumb down the length of Chan’s cock. It makes Chan’s thighs twitch and in turn, Felix on top of them. “Wanted it to be you, when I do more.”
Chan smiles, hopeful and satisfied with that answer. He holds Felix by the waist. “I wouldn’t have faulted you if it was different. But I can’t lie and say that doesn’t make me happy. Like. Way too happy.”
Felix laughs, tucking his hair behind his ear. “Even the making out was just for fun, when we were drunk. Never meant anything.”
He frowns. “Who’d you make out with drunk, Lixie?”
His tone is light, but Felix can hear actual concern beneath it. He rolls his eyes.
“Just the members.” He says. “If I didn’t risk our careers for you, I didn’t do it for anyone else. Don’t worry.” He palms Chan’s cock, clumsy and unsure, new territory. Dry. “Have you? Done anything?”
Chan shakes his head. “Never.”
“Never ever?”
“Never ever.” He chuckles. “I’m not good for… casual. And I didn’t want more than casual with anyone who wasn’t you, so.”
In his most masochistic moments, Felix would imagine Chan with anyone from a wide choice of his friends. Older, younger. Men and women. He knew so many people and many people flirted with him. Or maybe a secret boyfriend or girlfriend, someone Felix didn’t even know. Maybe Chan was aware of his feelings and didn’t return them, wanted to protect him.
Now he knows that’s not true.
“Romantic, if you think about it.” Felix says, spitting in his hand. He wraps it around Chan’s cock, wants to swallow that little gasp of pleasure and trap it in his own lungs. “Right?”
“Right.” He nods, leaning back on his hands and fisting the covers. “Want you to keep that in mind when I don’t last more than 5 minutes with your hand on me, okay?”
It makes Felix laugh. He twists his wrist, watches as Chan’s eyes flutter. He’s devastatingly pretty, it should be illegal to look like this. He uses his free hand to grope Chan’s bulging bicep, digging his fingers into the flesh. He’s less gentle than Chan, but Chan likes pain more than Felix does. It makes him hiss.
“It’s okay. I think it’s cute. What about my mouth?”
He watches as Chan goes back to that adorable state of shock as he slowly sinks to his knees between his spread legs. “Really?”
“Don’t have any lube, you said it yourself.” Felix shrugs, holding him by the base. “Gotta slick you up somehow.”
Chan combs his fingers through Felix’s hair. “We are literally on tour.”
“Think you’re gonna fuck up my vocal chords?” he raises his eyebrows and gets comfortable on the floor. “It’ll be fine. I’ll drink some tea.” Slowly, he presses a kiss to the wet tip and tastes the bitterness of Chan’s precum. “Can I?”
Chan blinks down at him and nods. He looks even better than all of Felix’s fantasies. His stomach flexes, muscles pulled tight and then relaxed again, a little softer. He’s still leaning back on one hand, the other stroking Felix’s hair. The motion is so relaxing, Felix could fall asleep in any other context.
He holds Chan’s cock and opens his mouth. He’s never done this before, but he’s not worried. He has a big mouth and no gag reflex. He’s excited. He’s always had a little bit of an oral fixation, liked to suck on his own fingers while jerking off when he was really deep in it, imagined it was Chan. Now he has the real thing, between his lips, on his tongue.
Chan sucks in air through his teeth when Felix starts moving. He’s always been sensitive all over his body, it’s exhilarating to know it’s the same here. He tastes good, clean and fresh, even though some disgusting part of Felix wonders what it would be like if he did this after Chan’s gym session. Maybe they’ll do that one day. For now, he focuses on the skin, the precum, how human and inherently Chan it all is, how veiny his cock and how Felix’s lips stretch more and more as he sinks further down.
“Ahhhh, fuck.” Chan tightens his fingers in his hair and when Felix looks up, his head is thrown back. He forces himself to open his eyes and stare at Felix, chest heaving. “God, don’t look at me like that.”
It sets Felix’s cheeks on fire. He pulls off, making sure to hollow his cheeks and make it tight, loud when his lips separate from Chan. “Like what?”
“You know like what, don’t play dumb with me.” Chan strokes his cheek. “You look unreal.”
Felix smiles and gets back to it. He hopes Chan is still looking because he decides to close his eyes and just enjoy the moment. He takes more and more each time he goes down, his hand following his mouth. Chan keeps making these addicting, whiny sounds. Felix wants him in his mouth forever if this is the effect of it.
“Shit, that feels so good.” He moans, actually moans, catching them both by surprise a little. His body bends, like he’s trying to get closer to Felix. “You feel so good, can’t believe you’ve never done this before.”
Pride blooms in Felix’s chest, but less because of the compliment itself. Because he’s the only one to know how he tastes, what he sounds like when he feels good. Just like how Chan is the only one who knows what the inside of Felix’s mouth feels like, intimately. It should stay like that. No one else.
He takes Chan’s other hand and leads it to his head, dropping his own, encouraging him to move him.
“Baby…” Chan sighs. “Your throat.”
“I’m fine.” Felix insists. “I’ll tap you if it’s too much, come on. Please? Just a little?”
He uses his best eyes that he knows will work on Chan and opens his mouth, tongue out. Chan’s cock twitches in front of his face and he can’t help but smile. Slowly, Chan pulls him forward, just a little. Eyes fixed on Felix’s face. When he meets no resistance, he does more. Felix lets his eyes close and focuses on opening his mouth as wide as possible. On the way Chan’s fingers feel in his hair.
“That’s it.” Chan breathes. “You’re doing so well, baby. That’s so good.”
Felix whines with his mouth full. It feels so good, he wants to do this every day. He feels his shoulders relax. Chan starts moving him properly, up and down. Vaguely, he’s aware of drool on his chin, dripping down on the hotel carpet. He’s getting messy, Chan is getting him messy.
“Felix? You with me?” the smile is evident in his voice.
Felix opens his eyes and gets him in focus. Nods. Then starts bobbing his head. Chan is throbbing on his tongue. He’s barely teasing past his throat barrier, Felix is certain he can take all of him. So gentle, so considerate. Felix needs him to be as greedy as he says he is, as selfish. To finally take.
“Oh, fuck.” Chan squeaks as Felix starts sucking him off with more force.
It’s easier than he thought it might be for the first time. Simple. Up and down. It tastes good. He’s making Chan feel good. He likes the subtle ache that settles in his jaw. He likes how Chan can’t seem to calm his hips down, how he keeps twitching like it’s unknown to him he’s doing it. Seeking out Felix, chasing the pleasure.
“I’m close.” He gasps. “Close, already, sorry baby, fuck, feels really good, oh my gosh—“
Felix goes to touch himself, if even over the clothes, just to hump his hand. He’s so hard it hurts to ignore it anymore, he’s been focused on Chan’s pleasure this whole time. But Chan catches it and grabs his shoulder, nudges his hand away gently with his leg.
“Don’t, please, wanna—wanna touch you too, let me do it, fuck.”
He wraps a hand around Chan’s cock, jerking him off. “Okay. Want you to cum in my mouth.”
Chan curses again, squeezing his own thighs, letting Felix set the pace. Felix can feel the tension in his body, ready to snap. He speeds up, licking over the head and going back down. He squeezes Chan’s balls.
“Fuckfuckfuck, Felix, gonna cum, gonna cum, please, that’s—please, fuck me, ahhh—“
Warmth fills up Felix’s mouth and he remembers to keep swallowing quickly so he doesn’t choke. It’s bitter and he doesn’t like bitter things, but it’s better than his own, that one time he tried it. He remembers Chan’s pineapple obsession and has to stop himself from smiling. When he’s done, he gives small, kittenish licks over the tip, cleaning him up, stroking lazily.
Chan is a breathless mess above him, pulling him up. “What the fuck? What the fuck, that was so good, it was perfect, you’re perfect, come here.” He kisses him, pushing Felix’s body further up on the bed. “You’re perfect, I love you, thank you.”
It makes Felix laugh. “Don’t thank me. I really liked it. Next time you fuck my throat for real.”
“Jesus.” Chan sighs, shaking his head, but he has that endeared smile on his face. “Come here. Can I touch you? Can I take care of you too?”
Felix nods, pushing his hips up impatiently. “Please.”
Chan gets rid of his shorts and underwear quickly. Felix’s slippers fall in the process too. He rolls Felix’s shirt up to expose his stomach, hands on his ribcage.
“God, look at you.” he sighs, taking in Felix’s almost completely naked body. “I’m so lucky. What did I do to deserve this?”
Felix can’t reply, too overwhelmed already. He’s so on edge, he feels like two strokes from Chan could push him over. Chan slides his hands lower to cup both of his thighs and settles between his legs, on his stomach. Felix’s breath hitches and he hurries to grab the pillow so he can look at him properly.
“You’re gorgeous.” Chan says, taking his cock in his hand. “Next time, I’m gonna take my time. Kiss you all over, for hours.”
“I’d like that. I wanna take my time with you too.”
“I know.” Chan presses his cheek against Felix, inhaling him. “We’ll make all the time for us.”
Then he puts him in his mouth. Felix has to actively keep his hips down so he doesn’t just chase the warmth, the heat of Chan’s throat. He wants to bury himself as deep as possible, be completely inside. It feels so good. Chan’s lips look obscene stretched around him and he does what Felix did – more and more, eventually removing his hand completely and placing it on Felix’s thigh.
“Holy shit.” Felix groans, fisting Chan’s hair and arching his back. “God, this is so good, I didn’t—didn’t know, it’s so much better than I imagined, fuck. Please, you’re so good.”
Chan hums around him and Felix actually feels the vibration. He’s not small either and he thinks about scolding Chan back about his throat, but he can’t focus enough to string a sentence together. He keeps his hand on top of Chan’s head, not pushing, just following his rhythm.
“Chris, ‘m not gonna last.” He warns, in case Chan wants to pull off. All it does is make him double his efforts, swallowing around Felix’s cock. The tightness is suffocating in the best way. It’s so good. Addicting. “Fuck, you’re gonna let me—in your mouth? Yeah?”
Chan nods, hums again. Finds Felix’s hand and locks their fingers together. He squeezes and Felix feels the tightness in his lower belly unspool, his balls pulling tight. The pressure breaks and then he’s filling up Chan’s mouth. He keeps moaning through it, happy they have the floor to themselves and as far as he knows, no one in the rooms next to this one. Chan pulls back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He climbs up Felix’s body and cages him between his arms.
“I love you.” is the first thing he says, clearing his throat.
“Hypocrite.” Felix strokes his hair back. “What are we gonna tell everyone, why is your voice breaking?”
Chan smiles. “Totally worth it. Now say it back, please.”
Felix pulls him down completely, all the soft parts of their bodies touching and exhales, happy and content. “I love you too.”