Chapter Text
The soft sand tickled Erens feet. Every now and then the waves would reach his toes before receding back into its place. Who knew death felt so peaceful. He was sure he was going to hell, so why was he in such a beautiful paradise. Confused but greatful he sat down . The sand embracing him, the waves engulfing his feet. He was finally free, he was no longer a slave to freedom. “Eren” a soft voice said. He turned to look at the small girl. He was confused why was she here? “What are you doing here, we got revenge for your people be free like me” he inquired.
She took some time to compose her words. For a long moment there was silence only the waves dared to make noise. “I thank you for what you’ve done so far, but your work is not done. Titans threaten to come back, you have to go back and stop them”. After everything he wasn’t done? He had just achieved the freedom he yearned for his whole life and yet it was being threatened once again. He glanced up at the girl, not saying a word. He didn’t get the chance to before the paradise he stayed in warped and the sand swallowed, betraying him.
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Ever since he was a kid Eren knew he was different. Like he’d lived before. It seemed like every night he would have nightmares of another life. Bits and pieces of the past would haunt him. Deaths and destruction everywhere he looked. His mother being decapitated by a gigantic human looking creature. He’d wake with sweat beads falling from his forehead ,tears seeping from his eyes.
This of course concerned his parents. Not being able to help their child. He would wake up screaming at night begging not to be eaten. This broke Carla and Grisha. At times Eren would be terrified of his father telling him to stay away. Occasionally he would blame himself for things they didn’t understand.
When Eren was only 6 Dr. Yeager took the initiative and took Eren to a child psychiatrist. He was diagnosed with Delusional Disorder and psychosis. At the young age of 6 he was prescribed with bottles on top of bottles of medicine that calmed his psychosis. Although it was a hassle to take tons of pills everyday it truly did help.
His nightmares only happen every so often. Which was a huge relief for Eren. He wouldn’t randomly switch realities like he had before. Eventually he convinced himself that, like the psychiatrist had said everything was in his head. He hadn’t lived before and he wasn’t a mass murder. Still, at times he couldn’t shake the feeling he was ment to do something, to stop something.
At times he’d come to miss some of his delusions. Although most of them involved nothing but death there where others in which he was surrounded by people he cared for. Almost in every delusion he had he would see this girl. A girl with black hair that swayed in the wind. A girl with fierce but gentle eyes. She had a scare near her eye that framed her face oh so perfectly. Her red scarf blowing in the breeze.
He would miss seeing her in his dreams. Only every now and then would he have his nightmares. Only every now and then would he see her.
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When Eren was 8 his dad took him to visit a friend of his. Eren didnt understand why he was going to some persons house, but he did it anyways. Dr. Yeager was hoping that Eren could befriend the daughter of his friend. Eren never could make friends of his own. It was hard for Eren being different and all.
As they were pulling up into the driveway Grisha spoke” Eren I’m going to talk to my friend okay, you can go play his little girl.” Somewhat confused Eren nodded at his dad’s request, and they walked into the house.
The first thing he noticed were the parents. He knew them or at least he thought he did. He had seen them dead, laying in a pool of their own blood. He held back the urge to throw up. No it was in his head, he had never met these people before, and they weren’t dead.
His dad talked to the other man while Eren stood by nervously. Then the women spoke to him”Hey Eren you should met my daughter. She playing in the back yard near the trees. Wanna go see her”. He simply nodded not having the courage to actually speak. “Okay come with me” the pretty women said. He cautiously walked with her out to the backyard. She pointed in the direction to which the the girl was and then walked off.
Honestly it was kind of scary talking to some one he had never met before. He could never make friends, so he hoped he wouldn’t mess this up. He walked towards the tree she was sitting under. He had to force his legs to move forward. The girl was sitting with her back towards Eren, so he would probably have to say something so she knew he was approaching. Nope, she didn’t actually. He was 5 feet from her when she turned around and looked at him, she probably heard his foot steps.
Eren stood, it felt as if the world had stopped spinning and time had stopped. It was her, the girl from his dreams, the girl whose face he had seen many times over the years and from the past. Why didn’t he think of it, if he had seen the parents of course he was going to see her too.
He couldn’t speak. He was to busy fighting back the urge to cry. There was silence between then as they starred at each other. Her eyes were softer than he remembered. She started her voice soft but clear” oh hi you must be Eren. My dad was telling me about you. My names-“ Eren interrupted not letting her finish “Mikasa?”.
Silence surrounded them once again. Eren stared at her still warry of the situation. Could it really be her? No it was his imagination he had never met this girl before. She started to laugh. A laughter he had barely even heard in the past- no in his delusions. “I guess your dad told you about me too,huh”. She smiled. She smiled
In side, Mr. Ackerman and Dr. Yeager watched in astonishment. “Well that something I never thought I’d see that” the Ackerman said. Grisha stared at him confused but intrigued. He waited until he spoke again “ I never thought I’d see Mikasa actually get along with anyone. She tends to keep to herself”. “So does Eren” Grisha responded.
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From that day forward they were a duo. Practically glued to each others hips. It was huge relief to Carla and Grisha, finally seeing their son live a normal life. Grisha mostly found it funny when his son would come running into his office begging to be taken to Mikasas house.
Although it brought Eren guilt to be so close to Mikasa once again. Especially after all the hurt he caused her. No he never caused her to feel hurt, because he never did anything wrong, he didn’t live another life.
It was a year after the iconic duo became a trio. It was a hot summer day, and both Mikasa and Eren had been dragged to a party by their parents. Thankfully they had each other, otherwise the party would have been boring.
The adults sat huddled around a campfire laugh and make as much ruckus as they could. Mikasa and Eren sat as far as they could from all the noise. Sadly the yard wasn’t to large and the best they could do was sit directly diagonally from the adults. Thankfully there were big trees that provided enough shade to hide them from the rest of the world.
As you would expect there were other kids at the party too. Not that it would matter for Mikasa and Eren. The kids didn’t care for either of them, not wanting to play with them. They were seen as outsiders and nothing more. But who cared they had each other and that’s all they needed.
Strangely enough there was another kid like them, an outsider, a loner. He wasn’t siting far from Mikasa and Eren, he had also taken cover under the shade of the trees. He was awfully scrawny, with blond hair and glass that hid his blue eyes. He sat up against a tree trunk reading a book. Only every now and then he would look up and glance at the children playing tag. He’d watch them as they ran and fell only to get back up.
It was Armin the one who had spent most of his life with before, or the one he just made up on his mind. He had never met the kid before, he was just crazy. Still for some reason he felt he could be friends with the kid. He felt the urge to approach him.
Before he could even stand up, another kid walked up to Armin. It was a fairly large kid with a bull cut, just one look at him and Eren could tell he was no good. “Hey Watcha doing kid” Armin looked up at the snot nosed kid with a confused but fearful face. When the kid got no response he responded for him” your reading like some kind of nerd. Are you a nerd? You sure look like one” he laughed.
Like he had seen many time before Armin put his head down not wanting to get into trouble. The kid was obvious getting annoyed that Armin wasn’t giving him the response he wanted. Frustrated he snatched the book from Armin like some high school movie villain. Armins face twisted, going from anger to fear to acceptance, as if he’d been bullied before.
For some reason the site of Armin getting bullied fueled a fire inside of Eren. Before he knew it he was all up in the snott nose kids face.”GIVE that back to him he wasn’t bothering anyone”. Realistically could he beat the kid in a fight, no. But would he try it least, yes.
The bigger kid stared at Eren in astonishment, it was probably the first time someone stood up to him. He smiled, someone had finally given him the reaction he was looking for. “And just what we you going to do about huh?” The kid responded in retaliation. Oh Geez he was really going to have to fight this kid.
Just as Eren was about to punch the kid, bull cut boy dropped the book and ran off. Ha he must have intimidated the kid. He turned around to see Mikasa glaring at the kid as he ran off to his mom, fire sparks rained out of her eyes. The scene felt nauseatingly nostalgic. A wave of deja vu ran through out his body. Something quite similar had happened many times before in the past, no in his dreams and delusions . From that day forward the inseparable duo became a trio.
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It was strange to Eren, he knew he’d never lived before. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had. He had lived a life of suffering and hatred, done unforgivable things. Sometimes at night following a nightmare he’d hear a voice calling out to him. A voice so eerily familiar telling him “you must finish your work, for the people of Ymir ”.
Fate was a funny thing, as he grew he kept encountering people from his memories,-no delusions. He’d gone to the same middle school as Mikasa and Armin. There he met people who he’d people he’d known once upon a time. His fellow classmates once fellow soldiers, Connie, Sasha, Historia, Ymir, and sadly Jean.
In 7th grade Eren met someone he once looked up to, someone who had come to hate him. Zoe Hange. Like the others she had memory of Eren . In truth the only reason Eren had even met her was because of his dad. She was some kind of work friend of Grisha, she was a scientist that studied the human body.
When Eren was in high school he’d met Erwin, the man who he had let die. The one who he had chosen Armin over. NO he had never met before.He was the principal, it suited him a job commanding power and intelligence.
Truly it was weird and he didn’t know what to think of it anymore. How come he kept meeting people from his dreams? Were they truly dreams or has he been gaslighting himself into believing they were. It all felt to real, every time he’d get a flash back. He had lived he had cried, he had killed.
Once again he gaslit himself into thinking it was nothing by his mind. When he did all the guilt he felt disappeared and he could live a life with his friends, grow old.
In his second year of high school he could no longer pretend he was normal. It all started with Armin, at lunch he kept on rambling about some anime called fight titans- no attack on titan. Eren wasn’t really interested in some show about titans attacking people, he already had enough nightmares of people being eaten by giants. He only paid attention because Armin seemed so enthusiastic about it.
Mikasa gave into Armins requests and watched it too. Just like Armin she became obsessed with it, hyper fixating on it. “Oh come on Eren you have to watch it” Mikasa whined, to which Armin nodded ferociously. They both stared at him intensely from across the small table. He sighed “fine” he gave in how could he say no to the people he adored most.
That day when he got home the first thing he did was start the dumb anime. He wasn’t that enthusiastic to watch it but he had said he was going to and he was not someone to go back on his word. From the second he started it , he sensed it familiarity. The main character Wren Geaga who searched for freedom…
Was this some kind of joke. The terrors he had been through were all put into some show for people’s entertainment. Wait how did they even know what happened. NO NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.
For some reason he started to laugh, maybe it was because he couldn’t truly process what ever was happening. The laugh turned into a blood curdling scream. And it started once again. He hadn’t have a psychosis episode in a year and all it took was a singular episode of an anime to make him relapse.
His room warped lights flashed and he was back in the world he thought he’d left behind. He was in a cellar with captain Levi staring at him through bars. He was babbling about something, Eren wasn’t picking up a word. Levi looked mad for some reason, but then again he always did. He raised his shoe and kicked him. Erens whole body stiffened in preparation for impact, but the kick never came.
He was back in his room laying on the floor. sweating and crying like a child. He growned and flipped himself onto his stomach. Why did life hate him so much?Why was he going through all of this?
As much as he hated watching it, he finished it. It only took him about a week. He had to pause it every now and then to give himself a break. It was painful to watch, but some how it was also weirdly comforting? Like he had someone to discuss his life hardships with. It also helped him rebuild his memory not just have bits and pieces of the past.
When he finally told Mikasa and Armin he had finished it they practically jumped up and down. “Omg did you like it?” Miksasa asked her eyes sparking as much as her jewelry. “Uh yes I guess” he responded dryly. He wasn’t going to tell them the the anime cause him to have an episode of psychosis worst than any before. Or that it was far to similar to the life had lived before.
“ ok so we should totally got watch the movie then.” Armin said with a smile on his face. “ omg we totally should” Mikasa responded filled with excitement. And once again he gave into their request. Maybe it was the guilt.
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The movie end just as Eren expected it to. The main character Wren was killed by his friend Maritza, putting an end to his terror. It took all the will power in him to stop himself from having an episode in the middle of the theatre. Mikasa was crying using a handkerchief to wipe her tears. Armin was on his phone. Looking un interested or maybe angry?
No one said a word, the silence between them was peaceful. Almost as if a burden have been lifted. Well to Eren at least, but Mikasa and Armin had different opinions on it. They were waiting to cross the side walk when Mikasa brought up how good the movie was and how much she enjoyed the journey.
Armin thought otherwise, saying it left to many questions unanswered. They turned to him, waiting for him to share his opinion movie. He could only give a neutral answer that avoided the actual question. He could t give his true opinion on it because he was deserving.
That night Eren layed in been reminiscing on the past. He still wasn’t sure on what to make sure of himself, of everything. Why was he alive again, shouldn’t he be rotting in hell?Who made attack on titan and how did they know about what happened?
“Eren it’s time, wake the rest”