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You don't know when it started happening.
Natah is in control of your shared body. Margulis is resting soundly next to you. Your attention has long drifted from the glowing blue tablet in her hands. Her head lies on your shoulder as you sit propped up on the pillows. Your bedroom is lit with a cool lilac.
You try to maintain a perfect rhythm to your breathing, but your processors feel like they've been through a storm. Cut and portioned by an unfathomable source into strange unfathomable shapes. Being pulled to and fro by the invisible waves of sand and shore.
The whispers you hear, the people you rely on, the two women who are more than just "voices" to you now — all reminders of the pain you've lived through. Your mind has been broken, and nothing you do will allow you to forget it. You are pieced together and welded, built and framed into something new.
You're trying to take it in stride. But there are pieces you don't recognise. Pieces you can't seem to fit. Pieces you've set aside and hoped they'd never come back to exact their revenge.
You feel the urge to twitch and fidget. You feel the urge to bite on your meticulously painted nails. You feel the urge to break every self-composed, self-righteous, self-important image you've built of yourself.
You want it all gone. And you don't know why.
You don't know how to stop it.
You really want to stop it. You really have to stop it.
Your core is racing. Your jaws are clenched uncomfortably. You try to keep your hands evenly clasped — you try to keep your posture straight — but you can't suppress the quiver of your systems when this new surge ripples through you. When a mewl bubbles past your lips.
It overpowers you. You bury your face in your hands. Hushed noises escape through your gritted teeth, as you bite your tongue and you wince.
Margulis opens her eyes at your discontented shifting.
She doesn't realise it. Neither do you.
But she's the one who lures you deeper.
She traces her hand along your shoulder, and she gently asks, "Are you okay?"
You cannot find your voice. You don't know if you're okay. You don't know if you're not. You don't know if this is okay. You don't know if this is right.
But you know she's warm. You know she's soft. You know how her voice makes you feel when she lowers it to a loving coo.
Your throat feels tight. Your fists feel frail as she pulls away and you hurriedly follow, pressing up against her and clinging to her clothes. You want her to keep touching you. You want to keep touching her.
If you let go of her you think you'll die.
"Mm… Mm. Mar…"
Your vocal synthesisers are fluttering. The urge has an iron grip on your skull — and it only needs one pull. One twist to yank you forward.
"Mm… M-Mama."
Mama Margulis.
Immediately you clamp your hands over your mouth.
Margulis is frozen. You watch her in unbridled horror.
Um. W… What was that, Lotus?
Her immediate thought shatters against your mind— Your breath gets stuck in your throat as you scramble to stuff your screeching datastream away from hers.
No. It's nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Your core drums within your chest, making you tremble. Margulis can feel your anxiety rippling through your skin— Margulis can see you staring, Margulis can see you shaking, Margulis can see you, Margulis can see you, Margulis can see you—
"Oh," she breathes. "Oh, Lotus… Are you regressed…?"
No. No. No. No. No.
You shake your head furiously. You haven't put your hands away from your mouth.
Margulis blinks. The shock fades from her expression and is replaced by a painfully soft look.
She reaches her gentle hands towards your face, but you flinch and block them from you.
Margulis backs down. Her face doesn't betray any of her hurt… Her voice takes more of a… more of a…
Gentle… motherly… tone.
"It's okay if you are… I won't judge you."
Of course she won't. She loves you, she trusts you. You feel the exact same way about her… So why do you hate this? Why are your voices yelling at each other in your head?
You shakily let her go. Her arms wrap around your waist with such care that your lips quiver with an unbidden cry. Margulis watches you patiently; her silver irises catching the dim bedroom lights in a pretty pretty way.
Help. Help. Help me.
Mother… Help me.
She's so close to you. Her floral perfume embraces you. Her warmth makes you feel giddy.
You feel that thick surge in your throat. The want to babble and gnaw and chew on something and anything and everything. The want that's mixing and warping with greed and lust and everything it's not supposed to.
"Hhnnm… Mmnot. Not…" She's watching you struggle to speak. "N-not little."
"Mmm." Margulis hums thoughtfully. "What are you, then?"
She asks politely, asks in a way it's clear she's curious… Asks like she always does. But she's looking at you, and your jaws have sealed shut. Your heart pounds. She talks in such a velvet tone she gashes and scores her teeth across your fragile little heart.
What are you, then?
A mess. A broken mess is what you are. Your mind hisses and tangles and it wants you to scream but you don't. You don't know why it's screaming. You don't know why it's so angry.
Margulis is so close. Margulis is so warm.
She's staring into your eyes. You tremble but you can't look away. Mama looks so pretty. Mother looks so kind. Margulis looks so perfect — her eyes are so soft, so silver and so pretty…
She's perfect. She's so perfect. She's so perfect you can feel your love in your hands, she's so perfect you can stay with her forever, she's so perfect you want to kiss her and kiss her and kiss her and—
Your spine snaps upright as you clamp your hands on the crests of your helmet.
"M'not little— am not… Am not—"
"Lotus. Don't fight it," Margulis interrupts you firmly. "It's going to hurt you if you keep suppressing it."
You listen to Margy, your helmet lights going blank. Your voices go quiet. Your voices want to listen to her. You suddenly remember where your hands are, and you reluctantly let go of your head to squeeze your fingers together, slumping your shoulders a little.
"M… Margy…" you manage to babble. Your voice is shrill and flighty, bordering on a whine. You don't feel any more shakes in your hands, but you fidget with your fingernails anyway.
"What is it, my angel?"
My angel.
The name makes your core leap. It makes something in your systems shudder and squeal. But Margulis is watching you attentively. You look up at her and try not to nibble at your lips.
"L-Lotus want… Lotus want kissies."
You make small grabby motions with your hands as you say it. And Margulis smiles. The cute happy smile where her eyes look happy at you and it makes you feel like happy bouncing on your toes.
She reaches her arms out to hug you, and you let out a muffled noise as she gives you a peck on the nose.
"Kissies like that?" she asks. She sounds… Vibrant. Happy.
You feel your lips quirk in a shaky smile. "Mm… more?"
Margulis chuckles brightly. She leans even closer to you, wrapping you tighter in her hug, nuzzling your nose. It makes your heart soar. It wins a giggle from you as she tickles you with more light kisses on your face… Your helmet…
"Ehehe— M— Margy—!"
"Mhmmn~"
She keeps pelting you with kisses. You stretch your body in her hold, squealing when she nuzzles you in the neck. You can feel yourself getting warm… You can feel yourself melting every time her lips touch your skin. Your breath goes shaky again, and you squeeze your hands tight to her back. You can feel her heart beat against your own core, and it doesn't take long for you to synchronise your rhythm with hers.
She can hear you purring. She keeps kissing you. Kissing you along your jaw… your cheek…
Margulis makes you feel so warm… So warm… So good… The rising coils in the depths of your belly… It feels… It f-feels…
So. Good. Good. Good.
Margulis eases out of her kissing, and she lightly touches her nose with yours. You shut your eyes tight just as she begins to speak, because your lips are now pressed to hers.
Your hands move on their own. Your hands move weakly, your hands quiver, and your hands grab hold of her ribs, then her chest. Her boobs are so squishy… So soft. So soft…
Margulis' breath hitches, and she breaks away to whisper your name. You ignore her. Your fingers scrabble to peel back the cloth from her chest, unfastening her suit with the flower-shaped pin in the middle of her dress. You feel her hands on your wrists as you manage to pull one of her breasts free from her outfit.
"Lotus," she repeats. Her voice is firmer this time, breaking you out of your haze. You stare at her like a cervulite in a test chamber.
She looks worried.
"Are you sure?"
A whimper bubbles from your throat. You don't like seeing her worried. Her hands are still holding your wrists, but they're holding you carefully, not to halt you or guide you.
Even though you really want her to.
You scratch at the cloth you've unfastened from her body. "I. I-I want… L-Lotus want Mama."
Her eyes soften.
"I know, darling… Mama wants Lotus, too," she cooes patiently. She gently strokes your cheek, making you stifle a little mewl. "But I want Lotus to be a big girl for Margy, okay? I want you to tell me if you feel off."
"Y… Yes. Mama," you manage to say. "Lotus will… Lotus tell."
"And when I tell you to stop… I want you to listen."
"Y-yes, Mother. Lotus will listen."
She gives you a warm smile.
"Good."
She leans back against the pillows. Your gaze falls to the breasts you've exposed. Her puffy pink nipples look so yummy… but you stay still. Chewing on the inside of your cheek.
"Don't be shy," she croons. "I'm all yours, my sweet angel."
Sweet angel. My sweet angel. The title makes your systems lock up.
You don't know what expression your face is making, but Margulis looks at it and beams. "Oh, you like that, don't you? My sweet little angel…"
Instantly, your systems spark with that same excited hitch. The locks in your body crumble away.
"Mmew… Mmmhm!"
You can't stop your hands from flapping, and it makes Margulis melt.
"You're so precious…" she whispers, breathless.
How soft her voice is… it makes your core burst with affection. You lunge for her lips. You clumsily try to grope at her boobs and smoosh your faces together at the same time.
"Mhmmb—"
She laughs. You feel her hands around your face, stilling you. She leads your movements, holding your head calmly as she kisses you. You've made her lips so wet. Hungry noises swarm from your throat. You squeeze her breasts and push your hands up against her soft Human flesh.
It's lewd, it's so lewd… But it feels so good to hold her, to touch her… So you kiss her harder, and you whimper when she kisses you back.
As she drinks you in, you feel your body squeal. The excitement makes your fingers shake. It makes your core tremble.
You're forced to break away, dazed and breathless. Margulis' eyelids flutter open, as she looks at you with her sleepy eyes. A slick line of Sentient and Human spit bridges your lips to hers…
Your chest heaves. You manage to swallow shakily.
"Mmbh… Mmama…"
A smirk slips into Margulis' face. You catch it when she licks her lips — your receptors throb with a sudden hitch of lust — as she shifts herself backwards, sitting upright. Opening her arms out, her eyes shimmer playfully.
"Come here. These tits aren't going to suck themselves, are they?"
Your receptors are still making your head all buzzy. You and Mama were kissing so much… Your voice is tired and your words won't wait their turn when they come out.
"Mm… Mama wan… Wam Lotus to…?"
The red is getting bigger in her face. Margulis smiles. "Pretend I have milk for you, my angel."
M… milk? Milk for Lotus?
"My little Lotus needs to grow big and strong, doesn't she?"
Big… big and strong…
Your lights suddenly flicker. It's finally making sense to you now. You nod at Mama. She takes your hand into hers and guides you towards her bosom, letting you give a firm squeeze on her titflesh.
"Come here," she beckons. You bring your face to that glistening pink nipple. Feeling the heat in your head grow ever warmer, you give the little nub a tentative lick.
Margulis hums, and she nods at you encouragingly.
You rest your body on top of hers. Latching onto her tender skin, you suckle on Mama's stiff nipple. Your hands are too big for what little strength you can muster, but you squeeze her other boob carefully. Taking the hard little nub between your lips, you start to gnaw on her, careful not to bite Mama too hard with your teeth.
Her body hitches underneath you.
"Mmmmh… Yeesss ," she drawls. "That's it… Just like that…"
Your head whirs with the sound of her praise. You keep sucking on her, sinking yourself in the warmth of her soft body. The sounds of you suckling — your lips wrapped around her nipple, the movements of your tongue on titflesh as you swallow your saliva — it all sends sweet, hot, Sentient endorphins rushing through your systems.
Mama lets out a happy sound.
"You're doing so well, my sweet angel…"
Her hand strokes the back of your neck — over the special, sensitive golden ridges along your body — and it sends sharp chills through your skin. A whimper gurgles from your lips, and you follow the gripping urge to bite on her breast.
She moans; you feel the jolt that courses through her own Human body. It excites you, it delights you, making you suck hard and harder.
"Oh, darling~ Keep going…"
You swirl your tongue around her areola, your lips leaving her nipple with a wet pop. A thirsty whine barely manages to leave your lips before you go back to suckling — pulling that stiff, chewy nipple hard into your mouth.
You're full-on biting now. You barely hear it when she gasps. You whimper when you realize — heat has been building in your body. It suddenly fills your vision with static.
Failing to suppress a cry, you start to rut against her thigh.
Her nipple falls out of your mouth as your attention shifts to easing the throbbing in your groin. Your whimpers fill the bedroom as drool spills from your lips. The hot pleasure ripples through your body as you try desperately to soothe the bulge under your dress.
Margulis says your name quietly. You keep grinding against her, letting your hips ride her thigh as your panting rings loud in your ears. You feel her bracing your back with an arm, raising her leg, letting you push yourself harder against her.
"Oh angel," she whispers. "Want me to help with that?"
Your lights flicker with need, but the words struggle to dislodge from your throat. You thump your forehead against her cleavage, holding her tighter as you keep humping her thigh — squeezing — feeling her warmth between your own legs.
"Nnggg— M-aaar…" Your words are slurred. "Mar…!"
She keeps her thigh raised for you. She feels so warm. So soft. Your hips keep moving — thrusting and thrusting. A groan flutters out of your mouth; you bite your lip and you huff uncontrollably.
"Words, Lotus."
"MmnNNh!" you cry. "Mama— please! H-help Lotus… touch her clit!"
You gasp sharply as you feel her warm hand slip between your legs. Her fingers effortlessly find the soft bulge underneath your pants. Your mouth parts open as she strokes your girldick with her thumb, and you can't stop yourself from panting.
"Nh… Mma … Mama…?"
She raises her face towards you. Her breath feels hot against your lips.
"Mama wants to make you happy."
Her words are whispered… quieter than a breath… and it makes your chest explode with a stunning blast of cold hot sparks.
"P-please. Please! Mama— Mama Margy!"
Make Lotus happy— Make Lotus happy!
Her lips curve into a smile. You feel her shift underneath you as she sits upright. Her fingers start to tease the underside of your glans — but she suddenly kisses you deeper than she's had so far, angling her face against yours in a way that makes you gasp. Her tongue slips between yours; you feel her hand on the back of your helmet, and it sends you in a flurry of hot confusion when she switches between playing with your tongue, to nipping and sucking on your lower lip.
She kisses you hard; kisses you strong.
The sounds your mouths are making fills your whole body with ripples of heat. It sends your heart thundering — it makes you gasp for air — as your core pumps hot coolant into your nethers in a panicked attempt to regulate your warmth. When her free hand reaches for your chest and trails down to your waist, you tremble as a desperate whine drags itself out of your throat. You suddenly feel her hands around your ribs, and Margulis deftly switches your positions — flipping you underneath her.
Then your feet suddenly meet the floor, startling you out of your skin.
Your head is spinning. You try to blink back into focus, biting back the unseen urge to whimper at her maneuver. When your optics refocus, your receptors short-circuit. Margulis has lowered herself between your thighs. The sight of her face before your small, soft girldick makes you shut your eyes as if it does anything to quell the starving tides in your belly.
You shiver when her hands rest on your loins.
M… Mama…?
The first thing she does is kiss the tip of your clit. You can feel her hot breath when she opens her mouth — when she uses her teeth to gently position your girldick on top of her tongue. A gasp hitches from your synthesisers when Margulis traces the flat of her tongue underneath it, treating you to calm, even licks along your frenulum. Her thumbs move to rub gentle circles into your inner thighs.
You can't stop the lewd noises from coming out of you — your panting, your whimpering — when Margulis keeps licking… tickling that sensitive spot of skin under your glans with the slick tip of her tongue. Her elaborate pace is a catalyst to the pulsing warmth in your belly. Your optics pry themselves open, but you bite on the backs of your knuckles and whine when you feel her trimmed fingertips push against your taint.
"Mhhmmm—mhnhnn…"
Margulis reorients herself, and your clit falls from her mouth. With a smile that makes your heart throb, she starts to finger you: massaging your perineum with the curled joints of her digits. Heat blossoms furiously through your face… You stick your fingers in your mouth to try to stop the head spinnies from coming back. Her hand feels so good… touching your warm skin, making your receptors swell with soothing, blooming pleasure.
Margulis cooes, "Be as loud as you need, my sweet. Mama wants to hear you."
You can only whimper. Shivering, you squeeze your legs closer a little. Mama's hand leaves your thigh to gently stroke the length of your girldick. A calm thumb smooths the sweet skin underneath, sending more hungry ripples through your nethers alongside the pleasure radiating from your taint. You feel her tongue for a brief second, before she smothers her mouth over your girldick again; her warmth and her teeth and her moisture sending sparks flying all over in the backs of your eyes.
You make a noise between mewl and cry as you feel yourself getting wet. Margulis sucks diligently on your clit — flicking her tongue over the tip, coating in her warm saliva — your hand leaves your mouth as you bury your fingers into her hair. You curl around her and hold her tight to your body. Her head nods steadily between your legs, pulling a loud cry from your lungs. Her tongue tastes so warm around your sopping wet groin — her mouth is so tender, so loving, so sweet.
"Ma-a-argie—"
Mama hums happily with your clit still in her mouth, and it makes you squeeze her harder and rub her faster with your legs and buck your hips and whine.
Your synthesisers are swelling, your body won't stop shaking. You're squeezing her head between your thighs, your fists full of her shiny black hair. Your ribs rattle as you pant, as you take fast, shaky breaths and you try to calm yourself down.
Her lips meet the base of your groin, pushing the tip of your girldick into the entrance of her throat. You cry as she eats you out, licking you hard and rhythmically grinding her teeth against the underside of your girlcock. It feels so warm — her fingers are so warm, her mouth is so warm, your belly is churning; your clit is so—
"Hha… Hha— Hha— Hha…— Mama— Mama—!"
An impossible crescendo of heat rises and rises within your body — your thighs clamp around her head, your feet tap and quiver mercilessly against the floor. Her hands reposition themselves to your waist, her thumbs and fingers glide under your thighs and over your hips in a way you can only barely gather as securing.
She focuses all her attention on your tip; licking, licking, licking… licking—
Your body gives. You fail to suppress your cry as heat erupts right through your core. It leaves your body twitching.
Swirling stars swarm your vision. Her lips guide you carefully through your orgasm. You feel her swallowing your slick.
When the rush finally leaves your systems, your limbs lose their feeling. You fall limp against the sheets.
You feel all light and floaty in your head. A thin fog has filtered over your receptors — you can barely register that Margulis is still quietly sucking… Until she lets your girldick fall from her mouth. The cold air wastes no time coiling itself around your saliva-slick skin, making another shiver trickle over your body.
Margulis' hands trail along the tops of your thighs. You watch drowsily as she rests them on your knees.
"All better now?" she asks.
Still breathing heavily, her question takes a while to register.
"Yh… Hmnh?"
Margulis hums. She sounds amused. She sounds pleased. Her voice makes you feel happy.
You can hear your systems winding down, humming silently in your internals as streams of coolant work to gently regulate your body temperature. Mhmn… The chill in your body makes you feel so… sleepy-happy.
Mama talks to you again. "How are you feeling?" she asks.
"Mmmh…" Your gaze flits to hers. "G… good. Mama made Lotus feel… So… So good."
Margulis responds with another dreamy hum. You watch as she reaches over to kiss you. You taste the salt of your slick on her lips.
Pure love floods your core. Sudden and steep. Margulis pulls away to rest by your side, but you curl your arms around her shoulders and you hug her tightly.
A whine gurgles out of your lips, and before you can stop it, the noises spilling from your throat are painful sobs.
You don't know where they came from. You just feel the urge to cry. So you cry, and cry, and Margulis embraces you. She envelops you in her arms, pressing her head to yours. She hushes you soothingly, caressing the grooves on the back of your helmet. Your teeth dig into her skin as the sobs keep coming, leaving all manner of tears and spit on her chest.
"It's okay. It's just you and me, my angel."
You sniffle. A hiccup leaps from your lungs. Margulis holds you tightly as you nestle into her chest. You bring your knees up to her body, and she cradles you in her arms.
"We're safe here," she cooes.
You believe her.
You feel… so small. Her floral perfume washes over you, and you take a deep breath of her familiar smell. Snuggling closer to her neck, you mumble incoherently. The soft buzzing in your throat calms you down.
It's just the two of you.
Serenity has you tucked under her warm, heavy blanket.
You blink the interference from your optics. You tilt your head upwards and tug softly at a lock of her hair.
"Marg… Margy."
Her smile makes your heart squeeze.
"Lotus," she responds. Softly, kindly.
You blink. Suddenly everything rushes to you.
Shame tinges the edges of your receptors before it unfurls into a charred crater in your systems. You let go of her hair and put a blank to your vision, shoving your face into your hands.
"I. I-I'm sor— I'm sorry. I don't know why I— Why I—" Why I did that—
"I didn't— I wasn't—"
She whispers your name chidingly, "Lotus…"
It wasn't me.
Your core is thumping rapidly in your chest. You freeze up when Margulis traces the back of her hand over your heart… feeling every rapid flutter in your skin. You cannot do anything but stare at her through the cracks of your visual feed.
This won't happen again. This will not happen again. This cannot happen again.
"Shh… You're okay," she whispers, pressing her hand soothingly against your chest. "I promise you are."
But I…
" Lotus… listen to me. You are okay. You're not in trouble… No one will blame you for this… You had a need and I saw fit to let you have it."
N… Need.
Need…
What do I need?
Your optics drift from Margulis' gaze.
"Mm… Mmm. N… Nnnneed."
"Do you… understand?" she asks, a little cautiously.
You put your finger into your mouth. Pondering on the word. Chewing on it.
Need… Need Mama. Need Mama kissies.
The locks start to loosen in your body.
Need… Mama touchies…
Slowly, you rest your head in the crook of Mother's neck.
She smells sweet. She feels warm.
Need Mama. Need Lotus. Mama love Lotus. Lotus Mama. Lotus…
Safe.
You feel safe .
Margulis makes you feel safe.
"I…" Your voice feels strange on your tongue. You take your finger out of your mouth.
"Lo… Lotus…" you begin.
Margulis takes it as a cue to hold your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. You weakly squeeze back, shuffling closer to Mama's body.
"Lotus… liked feeling small… w-with. With you."
With Mama.
With Mother.
"I like taking care of you," says Margulis. "You're really cute."
Cute… Cute. Lotus… cute?
She smiles with her eyes. "You're making that face again…"
Your receptors go hot. You blush and push your face into Margulis' still exposed chest.
"Mmmnh—" you protest.
But your core is shivering with glee.
Mother giggles. She cuddles you close to her chest.
"I love you, alright?" she whispers. "To the Void and back."
Your heart swells, making your throat tight.
You curl into her, and you let out a strange noise — something between a whine and a sigh. Carrying with it your happiness and exhaustion and need to just feel the fuzziness in your vocal synthesisers.
"Thank you, Mama. I love you too."
Margulis hums. You feel her plant a kiss on the top of your helmet. You tuck a bashful smile into her chest.
Maybe it's okay for the Tenno Mother to take breaks sometimes.