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1. The first time was the thirteenth of September when I was twelve.
- I took a shit ton of pills after my now ex-best friend told me that he’d gotten with another girl again.
- He was horrible to me and I know that I would be neglected in our friendship again. It doesn’t sound like a good reason, but things pile up.
- Every time he got a girlfriend, I (as well as other people) were automatically put up on the lowest shelf of importance. He became so rude and distant. He would, with no hesitation, blow me off at every chance possible. After the relationship ended, he would come crawling back to me and start religiously apologizing to me until I took him back.
2. My second attempt was ten days after the first. The twenty-third of September. Again, I was still twelve.
- The week at school after my first attempt was horrible. My best friend didn’t believe me, he ignored me, my parents were horrible, and other bad stuff that I don’t remember.
- I was at school and I drank half a liter bottle of hand sanitizer, hoping it would kill me. It didn’t.
3. When I was fourteen. I don’t remember the date.
- My parents and I had a huge argument. My friends ignored me and didn’t invite me anywhere. My parents had been horrible to me.
- I slit my wrists and sat in the bathtub. It didn’t work.
- My dad actually walked in on me trying to bleed out. He didn’t care. He just took the blades and left.
4. The fourth time was also when I was fourteen. Again, I don’t remember the date.
- I don’t remember what the breaking point was, but I hated that my previous attempts failed.
- For the first time, I wrote letters to people I knew as a final goodbye. I was certain that it would work.
- I went downstairs and drank a gulp of bleach. Horrible stuff. I threw up many times and it was all I could taste. I waited to fall asleep and let the night take me but I couldn’t. I ended up calling my dad, waking him up and saying goodbye. He helped me with the taste and woke up my mom.
- Turns out household bleach isn’t strong enough to kill you.
- I didn’t like how calm my parents were. Sure, they showed some care, but I would’ve liked more.
- My throat was hurting for two days after that and I believe my esophagus is scarred.