Chapter Text
Connor woke up.
Now that isn't so significant unless you know that Connor wasn't planning to wake up ever again after he took all those pills in that park. But apparently Connor's life could get worse because he woke up in a damn hospital room with Larry and his mother over him.
A part of it didn't feel real. Like he was watching himself like his parents open his eyes and look at them. Connor's body still trying to feel any sort of emotion.
His mother had tears falling from her face looking at him and Larry just stared. Looking right through Connor. Typical.
"Oh my baby…" Cynthia moved so stray dark hairs from Connors face. Her hands warm on his cold skin. Connor didn't lean into the heat, shuffling his thin hospital blanket up his body.
"You had us all so scared, Connor. I don't understand why you would do this to yourself when you have so many people that care about you." Connor's mother says which Connor knows is such a fucking lie.
The only people who bothered to be with him were the nurses(that was their job), his parents(to make sure they were seen as the perfect, concerned parents of their fucked up teenage son), and himself(the fucked up teenage son).
"The doctors were worried that your system would start to shut down from those pills, Connor. I didn't even remember I had them." Oh God, she was going to cry. Connor really didn't want her to cry because he can't run away from it here.
"You should have said how much you were struggling, Connor we could have helped," If Connor had the energy and he wasn't fighting off watering eyes from the white lights(and frustration at being alive), he would roll them so far back inside his head they would probably be stuck.
"If not us, than your friend Evan could have helped. The nice boy could have talked you down." Static. That's all that Connor can hear now.
Who the fuck is Evan? Mentally running down the people he knew, Connor almost completely missed him. Evan HANSEN? The anxious loner who nobody even knew existed and if they did, they didn't really give a shit? Friends?
Yep, it was official. Connor was actually dead and this was his Hell. That was the most logical option.
Connor's life must be God's(if he even exists) most elaborate joke performed in the last 17 years. If not, than Connor must have broken thousands of mirrors or was once some sick son of a bitch in a past life.
It has to be that because Evan Hansen, Westview High's most anxious, decided he was so much better than him. So much so that Hansen waited in the computer lab to trick Connor into being decent with him and rubbed it in.
That stupid letter.
Connor's teeth creaked with how clenched his jaw was.
Hansen wrote the most creepy shit about his sister to get him to freak the fuck out on him. So that when he did, Hansen's non-existent reputation would go up out of sympathy and Connor would be seen as the worse person to exist(though to everyone in this fucking town he already is).
Now he made a plan. His final day plan. And decided to act on it on the very first day of senior year! Because why the fuck not?
Connor had zero plans to graduate this year. But he did have a plan which was:
Step 1: Use up the rest of his weed (which he has been slowly doing these past few weeks)
Step 2: Not go to his first day of senior year (cause why was the last hours of breathing in a BO infested building?)
Step 3: Drown himself in pills before midnight (he picked out the perfect place to do it, no one would find him until it was to late)
And he started his last day right by doing part of Step 1. Leaving himself a few blunts to finish before he goes. He WAS planning to do Step 2, but it didn't work with his Mom and Larry.
And don't even get Connor started on Step 3. Some good Samaritan ruined that for him too.
Connor's hands gripped the scratching fabric of the blanket the nurse had dropped over him to keep him warm.
His head bounced against the stupid pillow on the uncomfortable hospital bed, as he tried to forget everything around him. It was late. His parents had left for night, but not before his Mom had given him a letter. Or as she calls it, Connor's suicide note.
Which fuck, they think that creepy letter that Hansen wrote was his suicide.
Which honestly is more depressing than the rest of Connor's life if they really think he would write that crap in a note.
He had nothing to say to the people he was cursed upon as family because they couldn't care less about what he had to say when he was alive.
And apparently, the anxiety ridden liar told his parents that they were friends because what else would he do to make Connor's life worse. Guess he really wanted those pity points.
But for love that Connor has for weed, why couldn't he have just died? Hansen would've gotten his pity points and Connor wouldn't be on a 72 hour hold in this shitty hospital right now.
And Connor can't even come out and say that the note isn't his. Not because he wants to be friends with that freak(takes one to know one) Hansen. But because his Mom wouldn't believe him and Larry would be so smug about it. If Connor wanted to be around a smug Larry, he would start doing crack or some other hard drug.
So no, Connor wasn't telling his parents that Hansen is a liar.
Smiling to himself, Connor thought up a better plan.
His mother was going on and on about how nice Hansen was to them and wanted to know why Connor hadn't brought Hansen around at all.
Larry didn't object to what she said either. Which could only mean that Larry agreed that Hansen was nice and kind and everything they had probably hoped for when they had Connor.
Hansen was going to be Connor's golden ticket to freedom. Or at least his freedoms back. His car keys, his door(because Larry was apparently taking his door off when he was forced back to that house).
Connor could also make Hansen cover for him when getting more weed. I mean, it wouldn't be to hard to have a kid with anxiety who was shaking like a leaf when he talked to him days ago to cover for him.
Connor was probably going to Hell anyways. Might as well stick a few more things to his sentence.