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Buck
Eddie and Chris were back in LA the second they could be. Chris’ school year was over, Eddie sold the house, and one beautiful Saturday morning, they were back on Buck’s doorstep. It had been a week of just feeling so right. He’d missed hanging out with Chris like missing a limb, and knowing he was safe again with his father was actually a weight off Buck’s shoulders.
And Eddie being back is so… Buck can’t quite put into words how much he’s missed being in his orbit. It was like for months, there’d been a buzzing in the back of his head, and now being next to Eddie the buzzing is finally quiet. Buck feels almost normal again.
The thing that’s not normal, however, is that they’re now all three under one roof. Which yes, Buck is actually really relieved about. He can keep an eye on everyone and know they’re safe. His head stays quiet. He’s having so much fun. That being said, it’s a two bedroom. And Eddie and Buck are both large men. So it’s tight quarters all day everyday. They’re bumping shoulders in the kitchen, they’re always blocking each others’ paths in the hallway. It wasn’t a big deal when Buck was visiting since it was temporary, but now it’s never ending.
And maybe the most awkward part comes at night. That first night they were home, Buck offered to sleep at Maddie and Chim’s house - but Chris immediately talked him out of it in favor of having a sleepover. So Buck slept on Chris’s floor that night. The next night, Eddie fell asleep on the couch, and wouldn’t let Buck convince him to move to the bed. But it clearly affected his back the next day. So by the end of a week, with the knowledge that they’d need to go back to work that next morning, they agreed to just sleep in the same bed.
And genuinely, it was totally fine. They were both bone deep exhausted that Buck fell asleep mid-sentence. His dreams are vivid. He’s standing in Maddie’s kitchen, explaining his last conversation with Tommy.
“I’m living in Eddie’s old house, and therefore I must be in love with him?” He’s rummaging through her cabinets, and he’s beyond agitated. Maddie looks at him like she’s about to say something that will agitate him further.
“Are you?” And that actually stops him in his tracks.
“In love with Eddie?” He clarifies. And Maddie nods.
“It wouldn’t be so crazy.” She says.
His dream shifts to something completely new. He’s being held in strong arms, swaying in dim lighting. He feels himself squeeze back. The feeling in his heart is a level of content he’s only ever felt with….
Eddie. That’s who he’s dancing with. Dream-Eddie’s hand is rubbing up and down Dream-Buck’s right arm. It feels so comforting and real.
And actually, the dream versions of themselves have faded, and now all Buck sees is the light coming through his closed eyelids. But he’s still feeling the hand rubbing up and down his arm.
Buck’s eyes snap open, thankfully managing to keep his body still. Because if he’d have moved, he would’ve woken up Eddie too. And he really doesn’t want Eddie to be awake just yet.
Because Eddie is lying there next to him, laying flat on his stomach. His face is turned to the side, toward Buck, with a look of pure peaceful bliss. And his right hand is slowly rubbing up and down Buck’s arm.
Buck let’s himself lay there and feel it for about 30 seconds before slowly slipping out of bed. It’s still so early, but there’s no way he’s going back to sleep. Not with his dreams hanging over his head.
No one will be suspicious if he’s up early to make breakfast.
Eddie
He feels the emptiness beside him before he’s fully conscious. Sleep is hanging heavily over him, the warmth of the sheets keeping him tucked in. It was the best night of sleep he’s had in a long time.
Eddie knows it’s sometime before his alarm is set to go off. Distantly, he smells what he thinks might be french toast. Christopher will be happy to wake up to that. But for his part, Eddie can’t make himself get out of bed. He rolls off of his stomach and stretches over to his side, stealing the other pillow.
In his sleepy state, he doesn’t immediately recognize the familiar scent he’s now inhaling. But he does recognize the serotonin that shoots straight to his brain. He pulls the pillow even closer, deeply inhaling. While he still can’t place it, his subconscious is so content, he drifts right back to sleep.
By the time they’re home from work 24 hours later, they’re barely speaking they’re so tired. Well actually, Eddie is barely speaking. Buck is chatting away about something Eddie can’t quite focus on. He only interrupts himself to direct Eddie with cooking instructions as they make lunch together. Eddie silently chops his vegetables and hands utensils over to Buck as requested. He’s not overwhelmed by the chatter, in fact, it’s really comforting to him.
They continue to spin around each other, moving from counter to counter. Honestly, Eddie’s not even sure what they’re making. But he knows he’ll like it because he’s following Buck.
“Can you hand me that spoon?” Buck once again interrupts himself from his spot behind Eddie at the window. It takes Eddie a beat too long to hear him, but he does pick up the spoon and starts to turn to hand it to Buck. But Buck was already mid-reach for it, arm stretching over where Eddie’s shoulder had been seconds before. It results in them face to face, chest to chest.
Eddie is briefly transported back to his bed the morning before, to cuddling deep into a smell that felt like home. In the light of day, with his brain fully functioning, he’s able to recognize that what brought him so much comfort is actually the smell of his best friend. A hint of his cologne, sweat, and something so unique to Buck’s essence that Eddie can’t quite place. All he knows is that he’s once again blanketed in comfort.
And so, for just a second, Eddie lets himself take a deep breath.
To the untrained eye, he’s simply reorienting himself after nearly colliding with a 6 foot something, nearly just a broad, man.
But he knows Buck sees him take that breath.
Just like Eddie sees the way Buck’s eyes immediately bounce to his lips. He sees the way Buck’s tongue dips out to wet his own lips. And he sees the way he ever so slightly shakes his head, huffs out a laugh, and grabs the spoon.
It’s over in about 30 seconds, but for some reason it’s all Eddie thinks about while they eat.
Buck
It’s dark out when he wakes up this time. He’s molten hot and disturbingly, he can’t move. Once again, Buck takes a second to orient himself.
He’s in his room - Eddie’s room - the room that used to be just Eddie’s then just Buck’s but they now share together? He’s in their room. It’s seemingly the middle of the night. Buck would grab his phone to check the time, but he still can’t move his arms. Why can’t he move his arms?
It takes another half a second before the source of his discomfort reveals itself. Eddie is wrapped around him like a backpack. Buck is on his side, facing away from where Eddie had been sleeping when they got into bed. It seems that in the night, Eddie’s arms had found their way fully around Buck’s arms, pinning them to his sides. Eddie’s front is fully pressed to Buck’s back, but they’re not fully aligned like they would be if they were standing next to each other. Eddie’s body is slightly lower on the bed than Buck’s body is, which means in his current position, Eddie’s nose is pressed right into the space between Buck’s shoulder blades.
Ah, so that’s why he’s overheating and paralyzed.
With the realization that it’s Eddie crowding him, Buck has half a mind to wake him up. He’s not sure Eddie would appreciate this position if he were awake. But honestly, even if Buck could move his arms, he probably wouldn’t wake him up. Once he realized it was Eddie crowding him, he’d already started drifting right back to sleep…
The pattern continues every night that week that they sleep in their room: They each fall asleep on their own sides of the bed, sometime in the middle of the night they become completely tangled together, then by morning one of them wakes up before the other and is up and moving before they can confront what had happened the night before.
It’s not like it’s unprecedented that best friends would cuddle in bed together. Honestly. It’s just that in Buck’s mind, they’re not cuddling like they’re best friends.
Which is a crazy thought. Because they’re obviously not cuddling like people in love.
Because they’re not in love.
“It wouldn’t be so crazy.” Echoes through Buck’s head.
It’s not a thought he’ll allow himself to think in the light of day. That conversation with Maddie, plus Tommy’s suggestion that Eddie was competition had been haunting his dreams for months. They were very specifically filed away in Buck’s head as nighttime thoughts. And recently, those thoughts had been getting louder and more insistent, trying to claw their way into conscious thought. Especially everytime Buck wakes up with Eddie wrapped around him, it’s like ghosts rattling the cages in his mind.
This morning, it’s a day off for both of them. Once again, Buck wakes up with a large body around him. And once again, he lets himself settle into that feeling for a moment.
This morning, they’re truly spooning - Eddie’s face is tucked tightly to the back of Buck’s neck, his arms around his torso, his hips aligned with Buck’s hips. Buck’s own arms must have moved at some point to lock Eddie’s in place and his legs have snaked themselves right between the other man’s. To an outside observer, it would look like they’d morphed into one being. And in Buck’s half asleep mind, he’s not convinced they haven’t.
The arms around him tighten ever so slightly, and Buck lets himself close his eyes a little tighter.
Eddie
Eddie feels good. And not just good like he’s extra comfortable, but like he’s… satisfied?
It takes him a second to realize he’s fully spooning Buck, which, while it does absolutely feel good (and that’s a thought he’ll have to revisit when he’s fully awake), it’s not what’s actually affecting him.
It seems like Buck, in his sleep, is currently grinding into Eddie. And in his own sleep, unfortunately, Eddie had been grinding right back. To Eddie’s credit, and to his own dissatisfaction, he stops as soon as he’s awake. But Buck is still slowly, God, sensually moving his hips back.
Eddie is completely frozen. What’s the protocol here? Half his brain is losing it’s mind, screaming to keep chasing the friction he’d just been enjoying. The practical half of his brain, however, already has his hand moving to wake Buck up. He’s shaking his shoulder before he can talk himself out of it.
“Buck,” He’s half whispering, half talking. “Buck, wake up.”
“Eddie,” It comes out on a long moan. And Eddie’s not sure if it’s because he’s being woken up, or if it’s because of what’s going on downstairs, but what he does know is that single moan makes the crazy part of his brain completely take over.
“Buck, I need you to wake up.” He’s gripping Buck’s arm now, and he’s not totally sure what he’s asking for at this point, but he has full faith Buck will know.
It takes Buck another second to be fully awake, and Eddie recognizes the change in his body language as soon as he realizes what’s going on. He gets stiff and his hips stop moving. He looks over his shoulder at Eddie with a look of pure horror.
“Oh no,” Eddie can see the wheels turning in Buck’s head, the panic really starting to set in. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have been doing that.”
The chaos demon in Eddie’s head realizes Buck is about to get up, and he can’t let that happen. It noticed immediately that Buck wasn’t disgusted or horrified by their dry humping, just embarrassed that they were caught. He’s grabbing Buck’s arm again before he can stop himself.
“But didn’t it feel good?” His voice is gruffer than it should be, and he’s just as surprised as Buck seems to be.
“Y-yeah?” Buck is looking at him like he’s out of his mind. “It… did feel good but I shouldn’t have been doing it.” The chaos in himself pushes him forward.
“It felt good for me too.” He knows he’s being a little insane, but everything in his body is screaming to keep moving, keep touching Buck. And his friend is still looking at him with complete disbelief. But then he feels Buck’s hips move again.
“That feels good?” He’s so hesitant, and all Eddie wants to do is reassure him so he doesn’t stop again. Eddie’s own hips start grinding down again. And from there, it’s a frenzy. They’re softly moaning, they’re moving in sync - it feels like they rehearsed. He’s not even thinking thoughts, just thinking ‘yes, yes, yes”. After a couple of minutes, he can sense Buck thinking again and suddenly, Buck is mumbling “fuck it” and his body is flipping around.
They’re face to face now - the grinding immediately continues and it’s 100x better. Eddie presses his forehead against Buck’s, and moves his hand once more to grip his biceps. They’re all action, no thoughts.
Well, almost no thoughts. As they build to completion, Eddie can only think of the pleasure he feels. He makes the effort to open his eyes, seeing that Buck was already staring back at him. They hold each others’ gaze.
And
Oh
Oh
Oh.
Buck
“It’s not like I don’t want to see you, but you clearly came here to talk so let me hear it.” It’s later in the day and Maddie is loading the dishwasher while Buck awkwardly paces around his sister’s kitchen. How does he even explain why he’s freaking out?
“Eddie and I…” He’s stuttering over his words. “Well… we kinda…” They kinda did what? They got each other off? While staring into each other’s eyes? And only after their climaxes did Buck come to his senses and flee the scene. He doesn’t even want to think about the shell-shocked look in Eddie’s eyes as he bolted from their bed and ran into the shower.
Maddie is waiting for him to continue his thought process, looking pretty impatient.
“You and Eddie…” She prompts, almost like she knows what he’s about to say. Buck takes a deep breath.
“Well you know how we’ve been sleeping in the same bed, right?”
“Right.”
“Every morning when I wake up, we’re cuddling. And that’s honestly not why I’m freaking out. It’s natural to cuddle when you’re in bed with others, right?” Maddie looks unimpressed, but she still replies.
“Sure.”
“But then this morning, we took it a little further.” Another deep breath. “And I think it was Eddie’s idea?” He looks at Maddie, awaiting the shock he knows is coming. But Maddie is still waiting for him to continue. “Why do you not even look surprised?” She takes another deep breath while she takes a seat at her kitchen counter.
“Because I’m honestly not that surprised, Buck.” He’s looking at her like she has four heads. She elaborates further. “You and Eddie clearly have something no one else has or even understands. So no, it doesn’t surprise me that sharing such close quarters would inspire an even deeper layer of… closeness.”
It catches Buck off guard that what Maddie’s saying makes total sense to him. And honestly, he’s a little annoyed that she was able to clock that so quickly. He falls back on what’s been echoing in his head all day.
“But Maddie, he’s straight” And it sounds weak just coming out of his mouth. He gets a brief flash to that morning - he thinks of Eddie waking him up with such raw desperation in his voice, thinks of the look in his eyes while he came, gripping onto Buck’s arms and shaking against him.
Maddie is looking at him with pity, but she keeps her voice gentle in her reply.
“If you’re telling me it was his idea to take things further, then it sounds like you may need to clarify that with Eddie.” And even though the thought had been sitting on the edge of his consciousness all day, it still kind of shattered his world to hear it said out loud.
Because if Eddie wasn’t straight, and if he was curled around Buck every night in his sleep, and he was… getting off with Buck, what did that mean?
Maddie watches as her brother clearly struggles through his thought process for a few minutes.
“How would you feel if you knew for a fact he was interested in you?” She says it barely above a whisper. But Buck hears it like a gunshot. He stops his pacing, leaning over the counter so that his head is in his hands, thinking it over. And really, he doesn’t have to think all that hard. He just has to let himself acknowledge a truth that he’s known for years.
“I think,” he’s whispering now too. “I think that would make me very happy.”
“Then go tell him that.”
Eddie
Buck comes barrelling into the house with the same speed and intensity that he’d barrelled out that morning. Eddie wishes he could say he was angry or even surprised by Buck’s reaction to what they’d done. What Eddie had done. But he absolutely wasn’t. The time he’d taken that day to reflect, to reconnect with himself had been valuable.
But he won’t lie and say he’s not grateful to see that Buck came back.
Instinctually, he grabs two beers from the fridge and holds one out to a clearly very agitated Buck. He takes it, but Eddie can see that he’s about to vibrate out of his skin.
“I know we need to talk,” Eddie starts, plopping himself on the couch and leaning back. Buck quickly follows, still bouncing his legs and seemingly unable to fully make eye contact with Eddie. “And I know you probably have a lot to say, but I need you to let me say my piece first.”
If Eddie had ever let himself think about how this moment would go, he would have guessed he'd be just as agitated as Buck clearly is. He never would have guessed that he’d be completely relaxed. But why should he be nervous to tell the truth?
“Buck, I love you as a best friend.” He hears the sharp intake of breath, sees all of Buck’s muscles tense. “Let me finish please.” And Buck’s making eye contact now.
“I love you as my best friend, but I also love you. I’m in love with you.” Eddie watches as the hurt in Buck’s eyes quickly fades, and he can swear he sees a brightness replace it. “I think I have been for a long time, and I’m sorry my body got there before my brain did.”
Even if he had more to say, he wouldn’t get the opportunity to say anymore because Buck had his face in his hands and he was kissing Eddie like his life depended on it. Eddie’s hands raise to join Buck’s so that their fingers are tangled together.
“You asshole,” is the first thing Buck says when they finally break apart. But he’s laughing while he says it, and Eddie is laughing too. “You knew I was coming home to tell you that I loved you, didn’t you?”
“I had a feeling.” They’re still giggling together, completely giddy by the night’s revelations.
“Well I do love you.” Buck is smiling so wide at Eddie, neither of them have untangled their hands. Eddie thinks he might be grinning back just as hard. He fakes a yawn.
“It’s late, should we get to bed?” It’s not actually late at all, but Eddie can’t wait to get Buck in his arms again.