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Matthew’s head was fucking pounding.
It wasn’t a great way to be woken up. But the sheets that surrounded him were stiff, like they weren't used very often— an alert that he wasn’t in his own bed. And there was a body next to him. A very large, warm body. He must’ve gotten lucky, and for a second Matthew thinks that makes the headache worth it.
That was, until he opened his eyes and saw just who was next to him. Gunwook’s broad shoulders peeked over the edge of the deep red bed sheets. His bare shoulders. He was fucking naked. Or at least half. Matthew lifted the corner of the sheets up and peered in, catching a glimpse of his Calvin Klein waistband under the dark shadow. Okay. Half.
But he was also sort of half naked, left in his underwear and a tank top. And well, maybe that was how they went to sleep, but something about this felt off to him…
It was all starting to dawn on him. And Matthew thought he should maybe calm down. It wasn’t like it was the first time they had shared a bed, in fact they were sharing a bed on this trip. Yeah. But this wasn’t their hotel room with drab grey walls. No, these were red and pink, the whole room was. Full of hearts, and there was even a bowl of cinnamon hearts and chocolates on the bedside table. What the fuck?
Gunwook was dead asleep. Matthew could tell because his lips were parted and he was drooling a little onto the pillow beneath him. He smiled slightly to himself before shaking his head, patting around the duvet for his or Gunwook’s phone. There was nothing on the bed besides themselves, so he slowly inched off the bed, trying his best not to wake Gunwook.
The rest of their clothes were all over the floor. It made him cringe a little, because if someone walked in they would have definitely gotten the wrong idea. He rummaged through the little pile at the foot of the bed to find his jeans and found his phone tucked away in the back pocket. He couldn’t tell because there were no windows in the room, but it was ten in the morning and he had seven missed calls.
He ducked into the bathroom, which was also obnoxiously red. The frosted glass to the shower door even had a heart-shaped cutout you could look into. Everything about the atmosphere was making Matthew’s stomach sink, especially the fact that he could barely even remember what happened the night before.
Right at that moment, another incoming call lit up his screen, and Matthew picked up the call from Hanbin because honestly it was the person he was going to call in the first place.
“Hello?”
The other line rustled a bit before Hanbin responded. “Hey. Are you done yet? You know you have to check out of that place by twelve.”
Are you done yet? Done what? That was what Matthew wanted to scream into the phone, but Gunwook was still asleep in the other room and his head was still pounding, so he opted for the more measured response. “Look, Hanbin, I’m gonna be real with you. I have no idea where I am or what is happening right now.”
The line was quiet for a moment and Matthew had to check that the timer was still running on their call.
“Okay, I’m gonna send you my location. Meet me here.”
It was vague. So vague. Too vague. And it was only making the knot in his gut worse. Matthew swallowed hard, trying and failing to shove that feeling elsewhere.
“Can you just tell me what’s going on?”
“Relax, I will. Just come, ‘kay?”
“Okay,” he mumbled quietly, dropping his phone once he heard the click of the receiver indicate the call was over.
It must have been the blaring ruby of the walls that was making his headache worse, and in that moment Matthew had never been more glad that he wasn’t one to throw up when he was wasted.
God, he really needed to retrace his steps. He remembered after he and Gunwook had gotten settled at the hotel, they met up with the others at the casino. He blew $100 at the slots— a terrible financial decision for someone who relied on gig work but it was what it was— and he remembered knocking back shots all night because Hanbin was paying for them. After that? He couldn’t even tell you.
Trudging back into the main bedroom, he saw that Gunwook was still asleep. He was curled up on his side now, like a baby. Lips pursed up and not a care in the world as Matthew tried to figure out what happened last night.
He paced around the room before going back to the pile of clothes, pulling on his jeans. He sat on the corner of the bed and a slight crunching sound followed as he did so. He didn’t notice when he had grabbed his phone but there was a piece of paper neatly folded into four in his pocket as well. Matthew breathed out shallowly as he started to unfold it, because for some reason he had a feeling that whatever it was would help him piece the missing parts of his memory together.
When Matthew read the words at the top of the page he thought his heart was about to fall out of his ass.
Marriage Certificate, it read in bold, gothic font. A few lines down he saw a set of signatures, one that he recognized as his own messy scrawl, and another written in neat looping letters. United in Marriage, Matthew Seok and Gunwook Park.
He had to be dreaming. He pinched himself, rubbed at his eyes and read the certificate in front of him but it still said the same thing. He even brought the paper close up to look at the seal and looked legit enough, embossed into the paper and everything.
Matthew folded the page up with shaky hands and put it back in his pocket. He ran his hands over his face, cool metal scratching his skin and it was only at that moment that he realized he had a ring on his left hand. A thin silver band with a small diamond-looking gem in the centre, right on his ring finger.
Fuck.
—
Matthew felt really bad about leaving Gunwook in that love hotel— which he had found out was called the Love Barn, God— but he had left his loudest alarm on his phone to wake him up at eleven-thirty, and sent him a text once he had safely made his own escape.
He ran to the location Hanbin had sent him as fast as he could. It turned out to be some brunch restaurant, but all he could think about was how not hungry he was at that moment.
Hanbin was sitting in the back corner, a plate of eggs benedict laid out in front of him. He raised his eyebrows in greeting as Matthew slid into the seat across from him, chewing on a mouthful of his eggs already. Matthew watched as he ate, almost as if he had forgotten that he had promised to explain to Matthew whatever it was that happened the night before.
“Where’s Hao?” he asked. The two of them were usually together. Not that they were always attached at the hip, but Matthew at least expected them to have breakfast together.
“Oh, he wanted to take a boat tour of the falls so he went with Ricky.”
“Oh. At ten AM?”
“Yeah, apparently the lines get crazy.”
Matthew nodded vaguely, mind slipping back to the events he had just run away from. His knee started shaking under the table and his hands were clamming up and all Hanbin did in front of him was eat his damn eggs.
“Umm,” he cleared his throat, waiting for a response. Hanbin swallowed his food and reached over to the small laminated menu that rested at the end of the table.
“Are you hungry?”
Matthew felt like he was going to throw up. He’s sure if he did he would be able to blame it on his hangover, but he knew that wasn’t the cause. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stomach anything at the moment, and shook his head roughly.
“Okay, but don’t ask for any of mine.”
“Dude. Are you gonna tell me like you said or what?”
Hanbin set his knife down, waving at the air like he was shooing him away. “Alright, alright. Let’s start with what you remember.”
“Well that would be not a lot.”
“Okay…”
His friend stabbed a piece of melon on his plate, and Matthew’s eyes focused on his hand. More specifically, the big ass rock he had on his ring finger. It made him want to hide his own hand, and he made sure his right hand was able to cover up his own band.
“I guess,” he started, staring up at the wooden slats the restaurant had for a ceiling to wrack his brain. “The last thing I really remember was the casino. After that, it’s all a blur.”
“Oh yeah, you were throwing ‘em back. When was the last time you’ve had a drink, man?”
Surprisingly, not that long ago. Socially? Yeah, a while, because going out to drink was too much work and he was too old to go to shitty college bars to get cheap drinks. Once you’re an adult they start charging you $18 for a margarita, it’s egregious really. But every once in a while at home he would share a drink with Gunwook. It was never really anything too hard, usually just a beer or some cheap wine from the grocery store, so that was probably where his problem lied. Yeah. He doesn’t think he’s thrown back shots like that since his third year in university.
“Can we just get to the recap, please?”
Hanbin stuck another piece of fruit on the end of his fork, jamming it in his mouth and chewing rapidly. “Yeah, alright,” he said in between bites, finally putting the fork down like he was ready to get serious.
“So you were drunk. Like ‘falling over yourself’ kind of drunk.”
Matthew closed his eyes slowly and groaned quietly. It was bad. Like really bad, he was blackout. Who gets blackout at twenty-eight years old? “Okay…”
“We were all looking after you, making sure you didn’t get lost or whatever, you know. But like usual you clung to Gunwook. Like all night.”
Matthew’s knee was shaking so bad he was shocked it wasn’t making the table rumble. He was hitting the leg with his foot after all. Annoyingly, Hanbin went back to eating his breakfast, slicing back into the English muffin his poached egg rested on.
“Are you sure you aren’t hungry? You know it would help with the hangover.”
“I’m not hungover.”
Hanbin tilted his head and gave him a look. “C’mon there’s no way you drank that much and aren’t hungover. You’re lucky you don’t need your stomach pumped.”
“Okay, I’m not hungry.”
“At least drink some water, man.”
“Fuck, fine!” Matthew reached for his glass and chugged, downing about half of the water in the glass. “Happy? Keep going!”
Hanbin looked at him for a moment, unnervingly. It felt like a really long time that he was just watching him.
“I feel like you already know a little bit past the casino.”
It was almost accusatory. Sure, he did know the final destination but he was also trying to figure out all the stops before then. So he didn’t know why Hanbin was acting like the amnesiac here.
“I feel like you’re withholding some information from me, Hanbin,” he said sweetly through gritted teeth.
Hanbin hummed, leaning back in his chair. “Alright, I guess I’ll let you know.”
He had to be a sadist. That was the only rational explanation Matthew could come to for why Hanbin was toying with him. Like a wolf and a little sheep. It was too cruel.
“Near the end of the night, you and Gunwook ended up at a love hotel, but I’m sure you knew that. It’s where you woke up this morning. Hopefully.”
Matthew’s pulse was in his ears, loud beats almost drowning out Hanbin’s next words.
“Turns out the hotel also doubles as a marriage chapel.”
It wasn’t like he didn’t know. The certificate had told him as much. But hearing it from another person, having them corroborate it, it made it wfeel so much more real.
“So, what you’re saying is…”
“You’re a taken man? I fear that is what I’m saying?”
It was probably the hangover that was making the room start to spin, but Matthew felt as though the confirmation that he had gotten married, and couldn’t even remember it contributed to it a bit. He laid his forehead down on the table, thankful that it wasn’t sticky. “Who let us do this? Don’t you need witnesses for this kind of thing?”
At this point, Hanbin had gone back to enjoying his late breakfast. Matthew could tell by the sounds of his utensils scraping around the plate. “I mean, I was your witness. Well, one of them.”
Matthew picked his head up from the table so fast he was surprised he didn’t get whiplash. “What? Why didn’t you stop us?”
Hanbin shrugged. “I mean, come on. I was drunk too. Not as much as you, but still. And anyways, I didn’t think it would be that big a deal.”
Matthew stared at him with his mouth open. Not that big a deal? Marriage with his best friend wasn’t a big deal?
“Why are you looking at me like that,” Hanbin asked.
“Why am I… Why am I looking at you like this? Are you fucking with me right now? Is this one big joke?”
It wasn’t. He knew that for sure now, he even had two points of reference for confirmation. This was real, but for some reason everyone around him was acting like this was just another Thursday.
Hanbin looked at him for a long time. It was starting to piss him off, the way he frowned slightly, but aside from that his face gave nothing away. He blinked at Matthew, so Matthew blinked back, and then he sighed, setting down his fork and knife.
“Are you really that clueless about how the two of you act with each other?”
That made Matthew’s throat dry up. His tongue was heavy as he tried to find the words to retort. “Wh-what do you mean?”
“You two already act like a married couple.”
He felt like his eyes were about to bulge out of his head. He also had a low sinking feeling in his stomach, one that he tried to push down deep.
“Plus, you were kissing him like, all night.”
Matthew rubbed at his temple. He could see glimpses of a few of them in his mind. Him laying pecks all over Gunwook’s face. A big, wet one on the lips in that damned heart-shaped bed. It was coming to him in flashbacks and echoes.
“Still!” he exclaimed, earning them a few looks from neighbouring tables. He ducked his head down, lowering his voice once he felt the eyes leave him. “Still,” he said through gritted teeth. “That's not a good enough reason to get married.”
Hanbin went back to eating his benny. “Have you even spoken to him about this yet?”
“No,” he answered sheepishly.
“Then go do that. I have my own marriage to think about. I can’t be worried about yours.”
Matthew watched as Hanbin continued to cut into his breakfast, as if he had no cares in the world. Matthew didn’t want to admit it but he was a little jealous. Hanbin had his shit together. A good job, like a real career. And he and Hao had been together for so long, had a proper engagement and were getting married at a nice venue in less than a week. Meanwhile he was just barely scraping by on freelance work and had gotten married at the Love Barn. The universe had to be fucking with him.
Matthew got up from the table while picking off a blueberry from Hanbin’s plate. “Getting drunk married in Niagara Falls! Jesus fuck this is so embarrassing,” he muttered. “It’s not even Vegas!”
“I mean, Niagara is the Vegas of Canada, right?” Hanbin looked at him with a small smile.
Matthew gave him the most pitiful look he could muster in that moment.
—
Hanbin and Hao had decided to get married on the fourth of July, because that was the day that lied right in the middle of both their birthdays. When Hanbin had told him the reasoning it made Matthew gag a little. He hated people in love.
The two had also decided to have their wedding at a vineyard in Niagara, which also meant that they were throwing their joint bachelor party at the falls a few days before. They were footing the bill, so coming on the trip sounded like a great idea to Matthew.
At the time.
He was starting to regret that choice.
A summer wedding in wine country was beautiful. Idyllic, like the kinds of weddings you would see in a commercial trying to bait you into spending tens of thousands like they had. That was what you got when you got a business degree and climbed the corporate ladder, or whatever. It was hard not to envy the soft life.
But truly, the weather was nice, and it was a good distraction from the fact that Matthew hasn’t gotten a gig in almost three weeks. This trip was meant to be a break, but it had only added another problem onto the many he already had.
After leaving Hanbin in the restaurant, Matthew finally made the move to check his phone. He had put it on silent after sending Gunwook the text to leave the hotel, and the time that he had set on his alarm was long gone now. There were less notifications than when he woke up. A single missed call and two texts.
Gunwookie 11:12
Matt
Please call me back
Judging by the timestamps, Gunwook had woken up before the alarm. Matthew looked at the messages, chewing hard on the inside of his bottom lip. He wondered where Gunwook was at that moment. It wasn’t noon yet, so Gunwook still had a few minutes to loiter around at the Love Barn, or maybe he had done what Matthew told him to and left, and was now sitting in the cheap Best Western they had booked their room for the week in, equally as foggy-brained as he was when he had first woken up.
Matthew felt bad for leaving him there alone, he really did. Now that his mind was a little clearer, he realized how much of a prick move that was. The dread at the bottom of his stomach was growing heavier the more he thought about it— about everything. Even comments that Hanbin had made about the two of them. Yeah, the two of them were close but, marriage close? That was big, that was a fucking contract. That was life.
Gunwook was the type to get married. Live in a big house with a white picket fence and all that. Have a partner. It was just what suited him the most. One day he’d come back to their shared apartment with someone, or he would start spending the nights at theirs. Eventually he would move out, or Matthew would, not wanting to intrude on the life Gunwook was building. Matthew always knew that one day he’d have to let him go. But now he was stuck with him. The old ball and chain.
He couldn’t do it. At least not yet. He couldn’t face Gunwook and think about how he had just tied him down and fucked up his future. He was going to fix it somehow; he just had to think it through first.
Matthew slipped his phone back into his pocket and walked in the direction of the falls.
Unfortunately for Matthew, Hanbin wasn’t kidding when he said the lines for the falls cruise were crazy. There had to be thousands of people waiting around in lines that seemed to not move at all. He didn’t even know if Hao and Ricky were still waiting, for all he knew, they could be on the boat that very second, getting sprayed by the mist of the waterfalls. He considered the possibility of waiting in line and letting himself hide in the crowd, but being around so many people might have made him go insane. Instead, he retraced his steps back up to the main barrier of the falls and looked out.
“Hey, you.”
Matthew could recognize that voice anywhere. Even if he went deaf, he’d probably be able to perceive it through the vibrations, or something.
Gunwook looked tired, hair a little messy and eyes a little weary. He was wearing the clothes that Matthew remembered were strewn all over the floor of the love hotel, letting him know he probably hasn’t gone back to their real booking yet. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets and his mouth was scrunched up to one side, something he did when he was thinking. He approached slowly, like one would do to a wounded animal to not scare it. It made Matthew feel even more like a prick than he already did, so he straightened his back, trying to give more of an open appearance.
“Hey,” he said back quietly.
Gunwook rested his arms on the barrier to the falls, watching the water rush down from the American side. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just watched out, and Matthew got a good look at his profile. The slight slope of his nose, the way his lips jut out, his eyelashes that would fan over his cheeks with every blink. He tried not to stare for too long but it was hard. It stirred something in his heart, its pace picking up.
“Last night,” Gunwook started, still looking straight. “I’ve been brought up to speed with what happened.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
No one said anything between the two of them, but Gunwook’s calm silence was beginning to make Matthew’s own panic sink in deeper.
“I mean we’ll fix it! Right?” he sputtered, awkwardly turning to look at the falls as well.
He could feel Gunwook’s gaze shift to him. “What do you mean by that?”
His lips were pursed and it made Matthew’s eyebrows furrow. “Well, we can’t stay married, can we?” Matthew chuckled stiffly, heat rising up to his face. “Obviously we’ll get it annulled?”
“Is that what you want?”
It was what needed to happen. It really wasn’t a matter of what Matthew did or did not want. It wasn’t realistic.
He laughed awkwardly once again. “Gunwook…”
“Do you think I wouldn’t be a good husband?”
Gunwook was serious. He was so serious, Matthew could see it in his eyes. The determination that burned through him like a forest fire.
“Are you being for real?” Matthew asked him quietly. The words flit through the breeze, and Matthew held his breath as he waited for the response. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he had a feeling that whatever would come out of Gunwook’s mouth as a response would break him in some way.
Gunwook looked him straight in the eye. “You’re really important to me, you know that right?”
His ears were ringing and his throat was tight and he could have sworn that spots started to dot his vision. “Of course… And you know you are to me too. But marriage?”
Gunwook shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips.
All Matthew could do was laugh. He bit his lip, thinking of the possibility. Of going home and greeting Gunwook as more than just his roommate. What kind of life would they build with each other? How would it stray from how they already were? Hanbin had said they already act like a married couple, whatever that meant.
“I dunno, don’t you just think this is all really…” he trailed off, searching for the best word. “Like this is a really big commitment,” he settled on.
Gunwook nodded, resigned. “Hey, if you wanna get an annulment I’m not gonna object. But I don’t hate the idea of being married to you. In fact, I really like it.”
Usually, Matthew was the blunt one between the two of them. He wasn’t one to really beat around the bush. That wasn’t to say that Gunwook was, but he liked to embellish his words. He was verbose and poetic. It was one of the things that endeared him to Matthew. But hearing him say so plainly that the two of them being married wasn’t that bad of an idea? It made his stomach turn like a tire somersaulting down a hill.
“You’re a lot more ‘go with the flow’ than you look.”
Gunwook breathed out a laugh, amused. “It’s easy to go along with things you have no problem with.”
“Yeah,” Matthew stared off at the falls, letting the mist hit his face. He could see a small rainbow bloom at the bottom.
He could also feel Gunwook looking at him then, trying to figure him out again. He had his walls up though, so he hoped it was a little harder for him than usual.
“Well,” Gunwook pushed off from the railing. “I’m gonna check out the wax museums.”
“Hey.” The way he grabbed Gunwook’s hand made the Sun reflect on the little gem at the centre of his band. They had seriously gotten matching rings, even in their drunken state. And shamelessly, Matthew really liked the way it looked on him. Simple and clean; a set. Maybe they were just the generic rings the chapel gave when you got married there, but the sight of them tugged at the indescribable feeling that had been growing inside him all day. He squeezed Gunwook’s hand, more for himself than anything else. “Nothing between us is gonna change, right?”
Gunwook’s eyes softened into small crescents. “Of course not.”
Matthew let go of his hand, but he held onto those words like a lifeline.
—
Matthew was sure he looked like a loser, walking around the streets of Niagara falls aimlessly as he thought about his predicament. Gunwook left him alone, and even though he knew that he wasn’t really entitled to anything from him, it made his chest hurt to think about. Saying nothing between the two of them would change was the easy part, but actually being able to keep that up? Only time would tell.
“Hey!”
Matthew turned in the direction of the voice, coming out of the Burger King with the big Frankenstein’s monster head. Taerae stood just outside the doors, sipping on his drink through his paper straw. He raised a brow and Matthew slowly made his way over to him.
“Where are you going?” Taerae asked, still sipping on whatever was in his cup, and coming down the steps.
Matthew scratched the back of his head. “Nowhere?”
“I was going to go into the maze of mirrors. Wanna come?”
He motioned at the next set of stairs that led down to below the burger restaurant. There was still time in the day that he had to spend before it was truly night time again. The group would probably be heading to the casino again once nightfall hit but tonight, Matthew really wasn’t feeling it.
“Sure.”
Taerae paid the fee for both of them to enter. Matthew stuck his hands in his pockets sheepishly, murmuring under his breath that he’d pay him back, but Taerae waved a hand through the air telling him to forget it.
They walked through a mirrored door, the framed bedazzled in fake gems, that led to a room with even more mirrors and gems all over it. Walking through and seeing his reflection over and over and over again was making him feel weird, and he thought maybe after all this time his hangover still hadn’t passed. After all, he didn’t really have much to eat the entire day.
“So what have you been doing all day? Where’s Gunwook?
He almost tripped on his own two feet at the mention of him, but recovered quickly. “Uh, not much. Just walked around all day.”
“Oh. Shouldn’t you be honeymooning though?”
Matthew whipped his head over to the other, groaning slightly. “So does everyone know?”
“Well yeah, news travels fast.”
He should have expected that, really. Matthew was starting to remember more, but the whole getting to the chapel thing was still lost on him. He couldn’t even remember if the two of them had said vows. And if they did, how messy and slurred they probably were.
“Do you know who the witnesses were? Hanbin told me he was one of them but didn’t say who else.”
Matthew felt like the two of them were walking in circles through the maze, but he followed Taerae around anyways.
“Oh, yeah. That was me.”
Matthew stopped in his tracks looking at Taerae furiously. Or maybe not, he might have been looking at a mirror, he couldn’t tell with how dizzy he had gotten.
“What the fuck, Taerae?”
Taerae had absolutely no excuse of being drunk and that compromising his senses, he didn’t drink. He was fully sober, watching Matthew and Gunwook get married to each other. And for what? Fun?
“What?” Taerae brushed past him down the hall. “You were the one who suggested it. Hanbin and I were only doing what you wanted.”
“Are you serious right now?” He almost felt like crying. His throat was tightening up, making it hard to speak.
“It’s crazy how hopeless you are.”
Now, Matthew was starting to feel ganged up on. And like maybe the trip to the falls before the wedding was a plot all along.
“What do you mean?”
“You know I’ve been saying you two should just date for years.”
Taerae was right about that. But he had always thought it was just a joke. You know, friends joke about that stuff all the time. And Taerae always poked fun at him, it wasn’t out of the ordinary.
“I thought you were just fucking with us, honestly.”
Taerae rolled his eyes to the ceiling, shaking his head.
Matthew tried hard to swallow the lump that was building up in his throat once again. The more everyone told him that they should just be together, be married, the more he had to think about the lives the two of them were living. He still felt young, so it didn’t really feel that crazy to still be living with a roommate. Someone he’s been friends with for years, that he’s built up so much trust with. That didn’t feel so off.
Sure, maybe sometimes he stared at Gunwook’s lips for too long, and their touches lingered and he always got a pit in his stomach whenever Gunwook brought someone over. Luckily for him none of those flings lasted, but he never said anything because really what was there to say? Stop looking elsewhere? Just look at me? It was something that he’d write for a short story contest maybe, but it was too cliche to be real life.
They were friends. That’s what they always have been. Matthew had resigned himself to that fact a long time ago. What they had now, it was perfect, even if he thought maybe it wasn’t for him.
“Why are you so apprehensive about it?” Taerae asked, frowning slightly. “I know you’re not dumb. You must have realized at some point that you’re in love with him.”
This whole day it felt like everyone was skirting around saying that to him upfront. Taerae wasn’t really one to beat around the bush with him though.
Matthew bit the inside of his lip and shrugged, avoiding eye contact. He trained his gaze for one of the funhouse mirrors instead.
“I dunno, I guess I just…” He trailed off looking around for the right way to get out of the maze. It was starting to make him nauseous. “I don’t wanna risk anything, alright?”
He could hear Taerae sigh deeply from behind him before feeling the push to his back, leading him around an unmirrored corner, almost to the exit.
“And here I thought you were all spontaneous. You know, live in the moment?”
Matthew pushed the dark door at the end of the mirrored corridor, leading the two of them to the lobby and its bright, fluorescent lights. Taerae put his hands on his hips, giving Matthew another stern look.
“Remember when you went to work on that farm with $50 in your pocket for a year? What happened to that person?”
Matthew tried hard not to bite back at that. Everyone was acting like this was a haircut and not a life altering event.
“I’m not nineteen anymore.”
Matthew could see the Sun was beginning to set once they stepped out, signaling that it was finally getting late.
“Whatever. It’s already happened so just get over yourself and talk to him.”
Matthew flipped him off as they parted ways, heading back in the direction of his and Gunwook’s hotel. The night breeze chilled around him, and he crooked his shoulders up to his neck trying to shield himself from the cold.
The hotel receptionist greeted him at the door, and he nodded back as a courtesy before beelining for the elevators. It took him a few moments to remember what floor they were even on, because the last time he was even in this hotel was when he and Gunwook had checked in. They spent the previous night in the Love Barn after all.
Trudging to the door, Matthew held the keycard up to the censor, waiting for the telltale click of the lock before opening up the door. The room was empty, save for his and Gunwook’s suitcase tucked away in the corner. Matthew sighed out a small breath, because despite having almost the entire day away from him, he still didn’t know how to face Gunwook.
He rummaged through their bag looking for clothes to change in because he needed a shower after all the running around he did today. Some of the things were moved around, and when Matthew looked around the bathroom he could tell that someone had been there before. Gunwook wasn’t in the room but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t in the hotel. Maybe he was at the bar, or at the pool.
The shower helped with settling him down, the lukewarm water running down his back and beading at the tips of his hair. He thought that maybe he should have come and done this earlier, just taking the minute to really calm his brain down and think.
There was an easy solution, at least he thought there was. Get an annulment and act like nothing happened. Just go back to how they always were. Matthew had already gone six years pushing his feelings down, he had a lid on it. But apparently the lid was loose and all it took was a few shots to bust it open.
Staying married. That was an option apparently. The thought of it made his chest warm, it was almost sickening, like he was still a teenager with his first love.
He hated to admit it but Taerae was probably right. He should just get it over with and say it. That he’s loved Gunwook since the night they sat down to watch Look Back and he brushed his hair back, tucking it behind his ear. That he loved the way Gunwook never let him slip into that pit about his abysmal job opportunities. Loved that Gunwook could come to him too, for anything. Everything. After all this time, Matthew thought that would be enough for him.
With the smaller hand towel he wiped at his damp hair, finally entering back into the main room.
“Oh, hi.”
Gunwook was seated on the edge of the bed, scrolling through his phone. He clicked it off, setting it to the side while smiling up at him.
“Matthew. When did you get back?”
He checked the clock on the bedside table. “Like thirty minutes ago.” Gunwook let out a quiet ah while nodding. He was looking at the ground now, avoiding Matthew’s gaze. So different from how assured he seemed earlier in the afternoon. Matthew gripped tightly at the towel that was now around his neck, white-knuckled. “What about you? When did you get here?”
“Like an hour ago? Gyuvin wanted to tell me something so that’s why I wasn't here. I just got back.”
The air in the room was stale and thick, Matthew almost thought he could choke on it. He had never felt this uneasy around him, and this was exactly what he feared would happen. They would cross that invisible line and never be able to go back to the way they were.
He sat down next to Gunwook, their knees knocking together as he did. Gunwook raised his eyebrows at him like he was waiting for him to make the first move. Matthew supposed that was only fair, Gunwook had taken that first step before.
“I’m starting to realize,” he started, mapping out his thoughts in his mind. They were a mess of different threads he tried but failed to get together. He used to talk a lot without thinking when he was younger, and things always seemed to work out that way. Trying to be articulate in that moment would probably cause smoke to blow out of his ears.
“I’ve loved you for a long time, Gunwook. I don’t know if you ever noticed but, yeah. And I thought I had a handle on that but clearly I didn’t. But you seem to be ready for whatever this is or will turn out to be so I’ve decided I should just tell you. I want you to know now, I don’t wanna hide it. But you should also know that I’m scared. So fucking scared but I’m not even sure of what exactly because you said you wouldn’t hate being married to me so I dunno maybe I’m just scared of letting you down?”
“Matthew.”
“Yeah?”
Gunwook grabbed one of his hands, the other finding its way to his cheeks, the tips of his long fingers pinching his earlobes slightly.
“I love you too.”
Matthew nodded a few times, dazed. “You do.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Okay. That’s good.”
Gunwook let out a deep chuckle, resting his head on his shoulder. “You’re hilarious. Did you know that?”
The corners of Matthew’s lips tugged upwards, and he finally let himself smile for what felt like the first time today. “Of course I do.”
Gunwook leaned back, his face closer this time. There was only a lamp on in their room, so it wasn’t too bright, yet somehow it still managed to reflect off Gunwook’s eyes and make it look like there were stars in them.
“Can I kiss you?”
Matthew could barely nod or make a sound of agreement before Gunwook dived in, pressing his lips to his. They were sort of like a trigger, because right then a few more images of the night before seeped into Matthew’s mind.
Gunwook’s tongue teased the opening of his mouth, and Matthew parted them to let him lock his top lip in between his own. He whined slightly at the pressure of getting his lip sucked and opened wider, hoping— no, begging— for more.
Somewhere in the mess of it Gunwook pulled one of his legs over his lap, and the other followed so that they were on both sides of him. It was easier this way, because now Matthew could lean on him all he wanted.
After what felt like hours they parted for air, chests heaving. Gunwook’s arms wrapped tight around his middle, cementing that Matthew’s place was on his lap. He liked it there, so he had no objections to that whatsoever.
Matthew pressed the fading purple marks on Gunwook’s neck. “Do you remember last night?”
“Bits and pieces. Probably more than you do.”
“You’ve always been better with booze than me.”
“It’s because you’re short.”
He chuckled out a breath onto Gunwook’s neck. He could feel him seize up under him. It was so quick but it still let Matthew know that he had an effect on him. He breathed a few shallow breaths before nosing along the hickeys he had left behind. Marks that Gunwook hadn’t even tried to cover up today. Seeing them out in the open, under the Sun, it made Matthew dizzy, even more so than seeing them next to the red sheets of that heart-shaped bed. This room wasn’t as romantic as that one, but somehow being in it felt weightier to him.
“Matthew,” Gunwook started quietly. Matthew kept breathing on his neck. He tightened his grip on Gunwook’s shirt. Looking him straight in the eye felt like too much.
“You know I’ve wanted this for a long time.” His words were so soft, and they made Matthew’s heart skip a beat. It would be a lie to say he’s never thought about it in all the years they’ve been by each other’s side. Hell, he was thinking about it on the drive down to Niagara. What it would be like to have his person, and what if his person was by him all along. It all just felt so selfish at the time.
“Me too,” he whispered back. There was no use in skirting around the conversation anymore. “How… how come you didn’t say anything earlier?”
Maybe he was a hypocrite for asking, but he wanted to know. Were their setbacks the same? Did Gunwook also think ignoring it would be the best course of action for the two of them?
Gunwook was silent for a while. It was making Matthew’s heart pick up, and he wondered if Gunwook could feel it beating in his own chest. He could feel his, and liked how steady it was.
“Do you remember what you said to me when we were at the waterfalls? I guess I wanted that too. I was comfortable where we were.”
Nothing between us is gonna change. There was a comfort in knowing that was what they both wanted. To stay close and in each others’ lives and to not have any friction. But that was also something that would become unattainable over the years. It probably would have blown up in their faces.
“But, a few things are gonna change, right?”
Matthew kissed the mark he had left on Gunwook the night before once more, even grazing his teeth over it slightly. He made a strangled noise and it made Matthew want to tease him even more, just to hear what other sounds he could pull out of him.
Gunwook leaned back before he could find out, eyes dark and lidded. It shot Matthew’s heart up to his throat, and he wondered how he had survived for this long.
“Only a few,” Gunwook whispered against his lips. Matthew pressed his own against them, but didn’t move further than that. He wanted to open his mouth and just let Gunwook take it again, but he separated, leaving him wanting. “Or maybe a lot, I don’t mind.”
Gunwook didn’t dive in again, just rested his forehead against Matthew’s. His breaths fanned over Matthew’s face and it took everything in him to not shiver. He played with the short hairs at the back of Gunwook’s neck. They were sort of stubbly since he had gotten a haircut for the wedding, and that was a bit of a distraction for Matthew, trying and failing to tug at them.
“Yeah,” he nodded, their noses brushing against each other. “I don’t mind either.” At this point Gunwook’s hands had found their way under his shirt, thumbs gliding over the planes of his stomach, almost up to his ribs. They were big and smooth and cool, and as much as Matthew wanted to keep his composure because he was still embarrassed about last night, he was starting to lose it. Maybe that was Gunwook’s plan. To unravel all the years of pent up feelings he had been keeping inside. “Change can be good.”
Gunwook pressed his thumbs down so slightly, yet it still made Matthew’s lips open in a quiet moan. As much as he was able to make Gunwook tick, the same could be said the other way around. Gunwook pulled him closer and his crotch rubbed against his thigh. The friction amplified the sensation, every single point of contact between them burning hot. It was embarrassing to admit that Matthew couldn’t remember the last time he was touched, even without his lost memories of the night before.
Gunwook buried his face into Matthew’s chest, teasing at his collarbone with his teeth. His mouth had gone completely dry now, and all that escaped were broken gasps as he finally let himself be held by someone. There was no one better, really. His person. His Gunwook.
—
It wasn’t the first time he had woken up next to Gunwook. It wasn’t even the second. Sharing a bed was something they did pretty regularly actually. Matthew was starting to realize that he had been kidding himself for years trying to pass off whatever they had as strictly platonic.
He could tell Gunwook was awake from the way he was squeezing him. No way someone could have a grip like that in their sleep.
“G’morning,” he whispered, getting a groan as a reply. Gunwook hugged him closer, something Matthew didn’t even know was possible because they were already flush, but he didn’t complain because he liked the warmth that radiated off of Gunwook.
“Good morning, husband,” Gunwook murmured into his back. The reality of their situation was still sinking in. This wasn’t all a dream, the rings on their fingers proved that. So did the marriage certificate, of course, but that was more of an out of sight out of mind thing to deal with.
Matthew toyed with the band on Gunwook’s ring finger as he readjusted, sliding up to hook his chin over his shoulder.
“We can get those replaced if you want.”
“Hmm?” Gunwook motioned at the rings, the two of them clicking as Matthew ran his hand over the other’s. “Why? You don’t like them?”
“I dunno. I don’t think they’re really worth much.”
“Oh,” Matthew frowned, holding his hand up in the air to get a better look at it. “I think they’re nice. Maybe they are cheap, but they’re still what we got married with.”
“So sentimental,” Gunwook said, pressing a kiss into his shoulders. “How about we still keep those, but get new ones.”
“I like that idea.”
Matthew turned in his hold to face him, fingertips flitting over his cheeks. They went red at his touch, and he had to hold in the giggle that wanted to erupt from his mouth at that. Their legs were in a tangle and Gunwook’s hands were still on him, now rubbing at his back under his shirt. He wanted to stay like this for as long as possible, and he bet they would stay in bed for the whole day if it wasn’t for their winery visit with the others later. Matthew just sighed, because he had already made the mistake of making a run for it the day before. He needed to repent now.
“I can’t believe I have a hot, younger husband,” he said.
“Oh, yeah? Am I your trophy?”
“Mm. You’re my prize.”
Matthew could admit that was a stupid and cliche thing to say. But with the way Gunwook smiled in response, he knew it was the truth.