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Katsuki froze at the sight of his childhood friend in the state he was in. His eyes were empty, red from the tears he had shed, and his body was shaking over him, whispering the worst things he ever thought would come out of Izuku's mouth.
He hadn't expected something like this; he just wanted to support him. After everything he had done to him in the past, he thought he should be with him to support him after the war; he didn't want to leave him alone, knowing how bad he felt after being unable to save Shigaraki.
No matter what fake smiles he gave his classmates, if the others didn't notice or just preferred to leave Izuku alone with his thoughts and not interfere, it wasn't their damn problem, not when his broken heart longed to see Izuku happy again.
Nobody knew him as well as he did. He could see it in his trembling hands and the tired eyes from not sleeping well. Katsuki couldn't afford to stand by and watch Izuku sink into his misery; he wouldn't forgive himself.
It had been a year since the war had ended, and with it, all of Izuku's emotions had gone. He no longer wrote hero stuff, he stopped collecting All Might stuff, and Katsuki had felt like a complete asshole for not being able to do anything about it.
But it wasn't his fault; he had counted every single time he tried to get Izuku to open his heart to him so that they could solve their problems together. However, Izuku always shielded himself behind Uraraka without even turning to look at him. He even felt hurt by it.
After their conversation in the hospital when they woke up, it seemed as if Katsuki didn't exist for Izuku. He ignored him most of the time and showed no desire to have him in his life. And even though it hurt... even if it hurt too much, he could understand.
His apology had meant nothing. It didn't erase every single horrible thing he had said and done to Izuku, so he had nothing to complain about; he couldn't demand attention he had never given. By the third month of going back to school, Katsuki understood that Izuku didn't want him in his life anymore.
They didn't even train together anymore; Katsuki couldn't use his quirk much until his heart was fully healed, but that didn't stop them from facing each other hand to hand, and even so, when he put the idea to Izuku, he answered no. No one knew his body better than he did, and Izuku used it as an excuse to avoid spending time with him.
Katsuki wasn't a person who begged for attention from others, but his whole being wanted Izuku to turn around to see him; one look and his heart was racing, waiting for things to work out so they could go on together.
But it never happened.
Until now...
His ragged breathing was the most audible thing in the room, next to the splash of Izuku's fingers moving in and out of him, preparing him for something Katsuki had never agreed to... But was that the only way Izuku looked at him? Would this be the last time Izuku dared to touch him?
He didn't want to stop it, not when it was supposed to be what he wanted so much, but if that was the case, then... why did it hurt so much?
Izuku's unexpected visit to his room confused him, especially since he had avoided him like the plague the whole year. Confused, he let him in despite the bad condition his companion was in. It had been raining all day, and since Izuku had come in wet and muddy, he assumed that he had been outside for too long.
But something was wrong; Izuku moved like a rag doll. He had knocked on his door three times rhythmically, the same way he had once knocked on the door of his house to let him know that he was outside to come out and play.
He dragged his feet across the floor and fell to his knees in front of Katsuki. It didn't take him long to undress him while he heard him mumbling incongruous words. He toweled him off and put dry clothes on him before sitting next to him on the floor. Izuku had been silent the moment he had sat down next to him; Katsuki's heart tightened at the thought that maybe Izuku had only gone for help and not for his company. But when he tried to get up and leave, Izuku wouldn't let him.
His hand clung to his wrist so tightly that Katsuki had to give in and sit down again before he left an ugly bruise. They remained silent until he heard Izuku mumbling; he couldn't understand what he was saying because his words were trailing off, and he didn't seem to be completely sane.
Still, he let him talk, pretending that for once, after so much, things might be getting better. He listened to him laugh and sob, letting Izuku talk as much as he wanted, even though he did not understand a single word that came out of his mouth.
"But you know, I don't even love her," Katsuki, who had fallen asleep, woke up suddenly. "I don't know, it's too comfortable, too much; there's never anything else," he tried to remember what the hell he was talking about. "And everyone expects us to be a couple, even her." He didn't want to turn around to look at him, not when he understood what he was talking about. "She expects me to accept her feelings because it would be the obvious thing to do, don't you think, and I..." He didn't move a muscle. "I expected you to do something about it."
"What?" He couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth.
"Yeah, I don't even know why I expected it, but Shoto doesn't seem to be too happy about the idea, and he told me that you would feel the same way." Katsuki frowned; he had heard Mina talking nonstop about how Izuku and Ochako should be together, and he held back his pain because Izuku wouldn't even talk to him.
"But what does it matter what I think?" Izuku looked at him as if he had said something stupid.
"Because you're important to me," Katsuki couldn't help but laugh at his words, and Izuku looked at him confused.
"Izuku, you haven't talked to me since we got out of that damn hospital." Izuku's face darkened. "If you don't want to have a relationship with Ochako, then don't, but don't act like you care what I think." Izuku walked up to him and walked away.
"What are you talking about, Kacchan? You are everything to me. Of course I care about you." He looked at him more closely.
The Izuku he had seen this year would not have approached him during the day, which meant that something was wrong. He spent his time ignoring his trips, his calls, his messages, and how, from one day to the next, he would become Izuku's most precious thing if he had never shown it.
"Are you high?" He had seen Sero, Kaminari, and even Eijiro in that state; none of them were fully aware of what they were saying, and all of them had just spilled their secrets, too honest for comfort, and one thing he was sure of: it didn't feel right.
"Maybe a little," he said as if it wasn't important. It was possible that was why he had kept his voice low, and only when he realized that it was him he was talking to did he raise his voice.
"Izuku, get out of my room." He tried to get up, but Izuku grabbed his arm and pushed him to the floor.
"No," Katsuki wanted to get up again, but Izuku stood over him, his hands on his shoulders so that he couldn't get up. "I'll help you..." His brow furrowed in confusion as Izuku's bright red eyes watered.
"Izuku, you have to stop. I'll call Uraraka and..." He couldn't finish when a hand slapped his cheek.
"Shut the fuck up." He started to fight again, wanting to shake him off, but one for all or not, Izuku had too much strength. "Everyone fucking talks about her like I care about her stupid opinion."
"Huh?" had been the most insulting thing that had come out of his mouth. How much shit had he held back to explode like that?
“I can't believe I left them....” The tears soon fell, wetting his clothes. ”If only...Kacchan...” Katsuki opened his mouth but couldn't say a single word. Izuku let himself fall on him, hugging him tightly and hiding his face. “Why...?” he heard him sobbing and decided to speak.
"What's wrong, Izuku?" he said in a quiet voice. Hesitantly, he ran his hand through the hair of the boy in his lap, trying to calm him down. He heard a sob and a hand squeezing his clothes as if he would disappear right before his eyes.
"Why are you always in danger?" His voice sounded pained and tired.
He froze, shocked by what he had just heard. Izuku cupped his face, and the two made eye contact. It was strange; in less than a year, he had been closer to death than in his whole life. But... was Izuku blaming him?
"What do you mean?" Izuku reached over and hugged him again, their cheeks colliding, and he could feel Izuku's breathing matching his own.
"I can't always save you." That hurt him, but he decided not to interrupt him even though his heart was breaking in his hands. "And now that I don't have a quirk anymore, I won't be able to do anything if something should happen to you." Izuku reached up and took his face, squeezing his cheeks. A whimper came out of his mouth, and he saw him smiling. "If only... I could keep you in a box." Katsuki grabbed his wrists and tried to pull his hands away. "No one but me could see you and appreciate you; no one could touch you or get close to you." A macabre laugh came out of his mouth.
Katsuki thought that was enough; he could help Izuku, and now that he knew that he didn't hate him at all, he could try to help him once more. He started to struggle to get out from under his childhood friend, but nothing seemed to move him from his lap, and he didn't want to activate his quirk; he didn't want to hurt him.
"You would be just for me; all my nightmares would fade away because I would know that you're with me, safe." Katsuki looked at him with wide eyes full of terror. Izuku's gaze darkened, and he hit him in the face with a closed fist. "Stop fighting. Did you want to help me or not?" Katsuki whimpered from the pain.
"Of course..." he whispered. When he least expected it, Izuku crashed his lips against his in a desperate kiss. Katsuki responded more out of surprise than pleasure and let Izuku possess him until they broke apart panting.
"Then let me make you mine, please, Kacchan; don't leave me again," he begged against his lips. He looked at him in surprise but tried to recover quickly.
"No, Izuku, I won't leave you again, but you have to stop this." His face changed from sad to angry, and Katsuki became more and more afraid.
"Stop me?" Izuku got up from his lap, moved his knees, and stood between his legs. "I haven't even done anything." Without taking his eyes off him, he took off his shorts and underwear. Katsuki wanted to avoid him, but Izuku didn't let him. "You want to help? Help me to remember that you're still alive, and I'll make you feel good." His face turned pale. His body froze; he didn't know how to react to his words; he didn't want that; he wanted to help Izuku so that he would see it, so that he would consider it, and so that they would be able to talk at least once more.
He gasped as he felt the hand around his penis; his forehead was on his shoulder, and he could feel it moving up and down, creating a friction that was not at all pleasurable, and yet his penis was hard from the excitement and the movements. His mouth opened, and he began to pant from the sensation he was beginning to feel.
"Ah, Kacchan, you are so beautiful, did you know that?" He heard him whisper. Katsuki bit his lip, not wanting to make any noise that would compromise him. "I have wanted to touch you ever since I finished with Shigaraki." His breathing accelerated, and Izuku's hand slowly became wet from his sperm. "For a moment, it felt very satisfying to murder him.
Katsuki moved his hands to Izuku's hips to push him away, but it had the opposite effect. Izuku moved closer to him and pressed his body against his, putting his nose to his neck to smell his scent. He felt his small body tremble as if holding Katsuki in his hands was not enough.
"He almost killed you, Kacchan," he said, sobbing. "For a moment, when you were crying on my shoulder in the hospital, all I could think about was how relieved I was that he wouldn't hurt you again." Katsuki couldn't help but moan when he felt his dry lips on his neck, and Izuku began to kiss and lick him even more excitedly, enjoying what he was offering him.
"Izuku," he whispered in a trembling voice as he came in his hand, staining both of their clothes with his cum, and he could feel Izuku's lips forming a smile on his skin. "Stop, please," he said breathlessly, the tears in his eyes starting to well up.
Izuku pulled away and licked the small tears that had escaped and watched him with a smile, even though Katsuki's face showed fear and sadness.
"I felt bad," he continued without paying attention to what he was saying. "Because... I really didn't want to kill him, but he hurt you so much and tried to take you away from me so many times, Kacchan, that I didn't care about ending his life at that moment."
He closed his eyes as he felt his fingers wet with his cum. He tried to pull away once more but stopped when he felt the first finger enter. Izuku seemed surprised at his reaction.
"Kacchan, I love you so much." He crushed his lips once more, and when he had to gasp for air, Izuku took advantage and slipped his tongue into his mouth. Katsuki tried to pull away even though he knew that Izuku wouldn't let him go.
He sobbed into his childhood friend's mouth while his finger moved in and out quickly. For so long, he had wanted Izuku to show him that he still cared for him, but he hadn't thought that it would come to this.
"You feel so good, Kacchan," Izuku chuckled into his lips and gave him five short kisses before hiding in his neck again. "You don't know how much I fantasized about hearing you moan like that."
"Izuku, why?" How many times had he fantasized about Izuku in such a different way?
So... was this the only way Izuku saw him? Would he have to be content with sacrificing his body just to get the slightest attention from the most important person in his life?
Katsuki sobbed, and Izuku inserted a second finger. It didn't feel right, but maybe... He had no choice, he owed Izuku. He owed him more than life, and if Izuku wanted to use his body as he pleased, he had no reason not to let him.
He leaned back against the foot of the bed as the tears ran down his face and resigned himself to let Izuku touch him even if he didn't feel good at all.
"I want to make you feel good, Kacchan," he said, biting his neck. Katsuki moaned from the pain but didn't complain. "I'll put another one in, Kacchan, so it won't hurt so much." He took a breath, preparing himself for what he would soon feel. And he felt a terrible sting in his lower back.
His sobs grew louder, and he whispered in Izuku's ear how much it hurt, but Izuku continued without caring what Katsuki had to say, moving his fingers rhythmically and touching as deeply as he could. Even though Katsuki didn't want to, his open mouth let out moans because his body was getting more and more excited.
"Ahg, nhg, Izuku, please," he begged. A part of him, the deepest part, told him that he had no reason to complain.
"Ahhh, Kacchan, I love it when you moan my name; do it again." He dug his fingers in as deep as he could so he could hear Katsuki lose his breath.
"Izuku, I..." He couldn't formulate his sentence because Izuku pulled his fingers out without warning, leaving him in pain.
"Mhg, Kacchan," he broke away from his neck and looked at the mess he had made, proud of the red marks that would soon turn purple. "You're amazing. I never want to let you out of my sight again." He watched as he unbuttoned his pants and panicked.
"Wait, wait," he said, frightened. "Izuku, no, it's time to stop." He took Izuku's face. There was only deep pleasure in his eyes, completely different from Katsuki's, which only showed fear.
"But Kacchan—" a pout formed on his face. "I promise not to hurt you," he continued with his thing, ignoring Katsuki's broken voice begging him to stop.
"Ahh, nhg, I-Izuku," his breathing stopped as he felt his cock at his entrance; with a lunge, Izuku thrust it all into him, drawing a long moan from him.
"Ahh, Kacchan, mhg, you feel so good, so tight around me," but Katsuki didn't listen to him anymore. "Ohhh, you're all mine, Kacchan; no one else will have you like this." With a blank mind, Katsuki let Izuku do whatever he wanted; his strength to fight was gone, and instead he had a huge void that left him helpless. "I'll kill anyone, Kacchan." He kissed his lips and enjoyed the taste of the tears that fell from his eyes. "I won't let anyone come between us."
He could feel him reaching deep into him, touching places that made his body tremble. Izuku still breathed deeply into his neck and murmured how good it felt to be inside him. His entrance stretched to take all that Izuku was willing to give it, making him feel nauseous at the thought that his body enjoyed being overstimulated.
A hand wrapped around his penis, and he sobbed at how good it felt. His penis went in again and again with each thrust, with more force and speed, and with his hand masturbating him, it didn't feel any better. His eyes were filled with tears that ran down his cheeks to his chin.
The softer part of Katsuki, the one that did everything it could to continue to see Izuku as the sweet little boy who had followed him since his childhood, was happy. After so much, Izuku would finally see him again. He loved and cherished him like a precious stone, and that was enough for him.
"Ahg, I-Izuku, mhg," he couldn't formulate a whole sentence, not when he lost his breath every time Izuku hit the right spot to make him delirious.
"Do you like it, Kacchan? You're squeezing me so good, you're so tight and wet." Katsuki turned his head to look at him. He also had tears in his eyes, but with the slightest difference, Izuku seemed to be happy to penetrate his hole.
He continued to talk, and Katsuki tried to distract himself with something else. His clothes were soaked with his sweat and his earlier cum, but also with the tears they had both shed. He couldn't stop thinking about what was happening.
What did the immense pain in his heart matter? Nothing if he had managed to get Izuku to consider him again. The pain in his body, in his belly, in his stomach, in his head—nothing mattered. Katsuki as a whole didn't matter because without Izuku, he was nothing.
He felt dirty and disgusted. And he cursed himself for it.
"Ohh, you're so amazing, Kacchan," he moaned as Izuku pulled out of him. Izuku looked at him in surprise and licked the blood that was dripping from his chin from how hard he had bitten his lip, but if he didn't, he would cry from the extreme pain he felt.
Izuku smiled and kissed his bloodied lips, his eyes showing no emotion at all, not beyond fictitious excitement. He hugged Katsuki and fell asleep in his lap, not caring that the floor was full of blood and semen.
But Katsuki, his mind racing, thought about how he would react when he woke up. He wouldn't lie that he hoped that Izuku would still love him after the drug had left his system.