Chapter Text
Just as he starts to wake, he pulls your body tighter against his. A natural reflex. The tough ridges of his fingertips feel the softness of your skin where they lay at your stomach. He glides them up to dip between the curves of your bare breasts as he buries his nose just a little bit further into the back of your hair. The softest of grins curves his lips.
The big, heavy quilt that he bartered for was a good trade. The winter always left you with a permanent chill, one he could attest to whenever your cold feet touched his. That meant the quilt was a necessity so aching his back over making two Adirondack chairs was well worth it. And the fact your body is so warm while so completely bare means it’s doing its job.
Joel nuzzles your nape before letting his eyes finally open. The beautiful color of your hair only made more so by the few streaks of grey painted through. Proof of Survival, you call them. You only get grey the longer you survive. And hell, has he gotten greyer over these last five years, too. And hell, if he hasn’t loved surviving with you by his side.
He presses kiss after kiss down your nape to the top of your spine. The bristly hair of his beard coasts across your shoulder as his lips continue a path.
There’s a faint hum of content before your limbs stir. He feels your delicate hand wrap around his and pull it up to your face, kissing two of his knuckles before holding it against your chest.
“Sweetest thing,” he whispers against the round of your shoulder, then dots it with a kiss. When you hear the gentle thud of his head drop back to his pillow, you turn over to finally face him. You slip a leg between his and lay a hand tenderly against his cheek, mouth slotting with his for a loving kiss.
Those thick fingers of his gently lift your hand from his face and instead he leaves a warm kiss to your inner wrist, then another to your palm, all while his eyes remain on yours.
The morning grit laced in his southern drawl says it first, “Happy Anniversary, baby.”
With a smile that always kickstarts his heart, “Happy Anniversary.”
Four years ago, Joel Miller finally had worked up the courage to kiss you a few minutes before midnight at the annual New Years Eve Party. Well, outside the party to be exact. You’d only been there a year at that point and the idea of celebrating a new year just wasn’t doing it for you so you’d slipped out ten minutes before midnight. Joel was still just a friend then when he noticed and followed you. Teasing you about stealing the same plan he’d originally had before he had decided to stay and do something different. That something different was finally tell you that he had feelings for you – a confession that elicited one from you. And right there, with snow falling around you, Joel Miller kissed you for the first time. And it lasted past midnight. You’d ended that old year single and started the new one as Joel Miller’s lady.
He slips a hand behind your head, cradling it, as he pulls you in for another kiss. There’s still the faint taste of you on him from last night. Your arm slips under his until you’re trailing your nails lightly down his firm back. Lips part to deepen the affection and his hand moves to grab a handful of your bare ass. It sparks your smile against his mouth.
Running your fingers through his unruly bedhead, “Am I cutting this yet?” you tease.
“Based on how well you were grippin’ onto it last night, didn’t reckon that was even a consideration,” he counters with a knowing smirk.
“Such a menace,” you smirk, “But, you’ve also made a very fine point.”
Joel gives a low chuckle, “I have, haven’t I?” he gives a little nod before leaning in to capture your lips once again.
From downstairs comes the noise of a pan clanging against the stovetop. You hear the low exhale through his nose before he ends the kiss, eyes closed briefly in what you know is a combination of frustration and sadness. Ellie’s been waking up early just to avoid him in the kitchen at breakfast time now.
He feels your hand slide tenderly along his jaw until your palm is against his cheek.
“Hey,” you whisper to him. Joel opens his eyes and looks into yours, “You are doing everything right. You’ve tried on your own and now you’re trying with Gail’s help. But one person can only do so much in any kind of relationship. And being that this is a one-sided problem – her side – you have to just keep waiting until she comes around. But she will come around.”
As emotions gloss over his eyes, his voice is barely a whisper as he sadly admits, “I’m just so tired of waitin’. I miss her too damn much.”
Heartbroken for the man in front of you, you give a tiny nod, “I know you do,” tears now pricking at your own eyes. You press a sweet, lasting kiss to his cheek. Then take your time to leave one between his eyes, the corner of his mouth, his chin.
Joel halts your movement by taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger to have you face him. His gruff, syrupy voice is soft, “I love you, honey.”
“I love you, too,” accepting the kiss he gives you, “Now, how about a nice, hot shower with me?”
“Best way to start the mornin’s,” he grins, then kisses your nose, “You stay here so you don’t freeze your cute ass off and I’ll get it started for us.”
Eyeing him, you slowly say, “You just don’t want me to set the temperature.”
After a seconds-long staring content, he relents, “If it were up to you, you’d melt our skin right off. Givin’ me third-degree burns when you set it.”
Laughing, “Oh, you big baby,” you playfully roll your eyes.
The way he grabs your waist under the covers has you squeal from the ticklish nature and it makes him laugh. It doesn’t last long though because he pulls you right up against his body where he prefers you, “Wasn’t lyin’ ‘bout your cute ass, though.”
“Better not have been,” you laugh softly right before he kisses you. He pulls back briefly to smooth his palm across your temple, then pecks your lips with another kiss.
“Alright, you stay put. I’ll take care of it,” he says, pulling the covers and quilt a bit higher on you, before slipping out his side. With a lustful gaze, you watch his naked form round the end of the bed and head towards the en suite.
“You have a cute ass, too,” you remind him with a smirk.
Over his shoulder, “Guess we are meant for each other.”
You quietly giggle into the covers as you snuggle more in your warm cocoon. You rolled over to watch him pass, and then watch him as he pulls the shower curtain back and starts up the water. After testing the temperature, he gives his hand a shake to rid the water. When he notices your eyes on him, he just softly smiles at you and walks over to your side of the bed.
Without warning, he throws back the covers and you curl tighter into yourself from the cooler air – “Joel!” you hiss.
He just chuckles and leans over, scooping you right up into his arms, “Relax, ain’t gonna let you freeze. I got you, baby.”
You’re clinging to his warm body when he steals a kiss from you as he carries you into the bathroom and places your feet on the ground right outside the shower. When you step inside, you feel the temperature of the water.
As he steps in after you, you face him with a smile, “You made it the kind of hot that I love.”
“Yeah, yeah,” but the corner of his mouth curves just the slightest as his large hands come up to frame your face, “Wait ‘til my skin starts bubblin’,” he teases, though the way he kisses you with such love makes his words mean nothing.
By the time you and Joel make it to the party, it’s already in full swing. You look at him with an I told you so look because you knew the second he started stripping your clothes off back at home that it’d make you late to the party, but he was fully confident that it wouldn’t. Not that you really minded, though.
His hand is pressed to your lower back as you climb the church stairs and enter the warm glow of the party. He leans close to your ear, “Was worth bein’ late though,” and you see the proud smirk on his face. Gripping his chin, you smile as you leave a kiss on his lips.
You feel his fingers lace with yours as he leads you along the wall, on the outsides of the dance floor, nodding a greeting at the few people he’s somewhat acquaintances with. When he settles on a small open spot, he turns to you, “Want a drink?”
“Not right now,” you hear the slow music start to play and guide his wrists around your back until he gets the hint and keeps his arms wrapped around you. You give either side of his jaw a gentle scratch, “Dance with me? Just a little?” you move your arms to circle his neck, eyes never leaving his.
The soft gaze of your man never ceases to make your heart race. Joel’s grin is warm as he responds softly, “I’ll do whatever you want, honey.” And just like that, the two of you begin to gently sway in your little spot.
When you take a glance at the room, you spot Ellie and Dina slow dancing, too. Even knowing they’re best friends, you can feel a different charge between them in this moment.
“Joel, look,” you smile and discreetly point at them, “Did you have any idea?”
Joel looks over and gives a tiny shake of his head, “None. Just thought they were best friends is all.”
Then you both watch as Dina kisses Ellie, who is happy to return it. You give a tiny squeal of excitement, “Oh my god, they’re so sweet together.”
Joel can’t fight the grin at your reaction, “They are. Dina’s good for her.”
It takes you both a minute to realize that many other couples are looking at them, too, and not necessarily with the same happiness and pride that you and Joel are. The two of you stop moving, arms slowly unwinding from one another.
Before you can even ask Joel what he thinks of it, Seth steps forward.
“Hey. It’s a family event,” he roughly reminds them.
You feel Joel stiffen next to you.
Dina looks at him annoyed and gives a weak, “Sorry,” but Seth keeps staring them down, adding, “You’re in a church.”
Irritated, you angrily mutter, “Asshole,” and take a step but Joel’s hand grips your wrist.
Rolling her eyes, Dina gives the jerk another “Sorry,” before tugging Ellie’s arm and starting to leave.
It’s not enough for him, though. Seth stands there, watching after them, “Dykes.”
The room goes quiet and Ellie whips around confronting Seth when before you can even take another breath, Joel barrels forward and shoves Seth straight to the floor.
“Get the hell outta here,” Joel threatens, pointing right at him. Maria is quick to help Seth up and take him outside.
Ellie and Dina stare in shock at Joel’s actions, while you couldn’t feel more proud of him. When Joel asks if Ellie’s alright, the only thing she does is scold him in front of everyone. If that wasn’t bad enough, it’s when she says to him, “I don’t need your fucking help,” that your heart just shatters for him. Helping is who that man is. And helping her is what he’s always loved.
“Right,” is all he says, but you see it. The way his mouth twists and shifts, as he glances around at everyone staring at him. Embarrassed and now, trying to not let his emotions show. He quickly walks past her and heads straight to the door.
You finally walk into Ellie’s view and all you can do is look at her with some disappointment, before moving past her and following Joel outside.
He’s walking fast because he’s already at the road when you make it outside. You see him reach up with one hand and wipe at his eyes. Jogging down the stairs, you rush after him.
“Joel,” you say to his back as you get closer.
But he keeps walking, just throwing over his shoulder, “M’sorry, baby. Know it’s our anniversary, but I shouldn’t be there.”
You jog past him and turn around to face him, stopping him in his tracks. His eyes are glassy and you see the pink just starting to form around the rims. He couldn’t look more broken and it rips you apart.
He takes a shuddering breath and whispers with such sadness, “She hates me.”
That’s all it takes for your tears to finally fall. Shaking your head, “No, she doesn’t,” hands cupping his cheeks, “She doesn’t.” And quickly, you hug him where he holds onto you tight.
“Come on, let’s go home,” you gently urge, stepping back with a sweet touch to his cheek before slipping your hand in his.
When Ellie finally arrives back home, the lights are still on inside the house. What she doesn’t know is that despite what she did to him tonight, Joel is sitting inside his workshop room re-stringing her guitar just like he said he would.
Still upset with him, she can only look at the house with anger before walking down the driveway towards the garage. Her steps slow though when she sees you sitting on the ground, leaning against the door. Dressed in Joel’s parka, arms tightly crossed at your chest with your hands tucked in the sleeves, you spot Ellie and stand up.
She slowly approaches and scoffs, “Can’t believe he sent you out here.”
“He didn’t. He doesn’t even know I’m out here. Still thinks I’m in the house somewhere.”
That makes her pause and glance at the house before looking back at you, “I’m not sorry for what I said,” she’s quick to defend herself since it’s obvious that’s what has you out here waiting for her.
All you do is put a hand up to silence her, “I’m only here to remind you of something.”
She gives a small roll of her eyes, “What?”
“Joel loves you,” you swear you see the tiniest shift in her at hearing the reminder.
“Everything he does is because he loves you. There is not one single part of that man that does anything with the intention of upsetting you. He saw someone he loved being mistreated tonight and he did what he always does – he defended you. He protected you. You are standing here right now, in a safe community, loved and protected because of Joel Miller. To treat him the way you did tonight? The way you have been? It’s nothing but cruel, Ellie. You wanted to hurt him? You absolutely have been. And all he does in return is continuing loving you. After everything, the least you could do is have a conversation with him. Help him understand why you’re so angry with him. I think part of you misses him just as much as he misses you. And in this world, where any one of us could be dead tomorrow, I don’t think you’d want it to be like this with him. I know you still love him, too, despite whatever’s going on with you.”
She’s shuffling her feet and having trouble keeping eye contact with you, so you know she’s uncomfortable with what you’re saying, but it also means she’s actually listening.
With that, “Good night, Ellie,” and you walk away from her and quietly re-enter the house. Hanging his coat back up, you go to check on him but see the door is still shut. Instead of knocking, you let him keep to himself a little longer and head upstairs to get ready for bed.
Boots off, you pull your jeans off next and that’s when Joel enters the bedroom. Looking to him, “You okay?” But he doesn’t respond. He takes two strides over to you and pulls you against his chest before stealing your breath away with a passionate kiss.
It’s never unwelcomed, but you’re confused at what brought it on all of a sudden. Joel reads your expression and reveals, “Had the window opened a crack to make sure she got home okay.”
He heard.
You smooth your hands up his biceps and give them a little squeeze, “Yeah, well. If I didn’t think she’d kick my ass, I’d have dragged her in here to apologize, instead.”
Joel’s chuckle is low, but rich, “I believe it,” then he leans in and gives you another kiss, “Still can’t believe I got a woman like you lovin’ me like you do.”
Your arms move to rest on his shoulder, fingers playing with the curls near the nape of his neck, “No? Maybe we need to do something to get you to believe it more?”
His hands at your waist, naturally glide down to palm your ass, “Yeah? Like what?” but he knows.
“Well, I’m already half undressed and we still didn’t really celebrate the New Year, yet…” your hands sliding down the front of his body until they reach his belt buckle.
“…was thinking I wanted to pleasure you for a while. Let me take care of you,” your voice grows quieter, more seductive. You unclasp his buckle, pulling the ends of his belt free.
He brings one hand up to glide his fingers through your hair, a soft, but heated gaze on you, “I’m all yours.”
Joel wakes first in the morning, with you embraced in his arms. He smiles at your sleeping form, pressing featherlight kisses around your beautiful face. Wanting you to get more rest, he slowly untangles himself from you and slips out from the covers. A twinge in his back makes him hiss, but he remembers why it’s there and can only smile to himself right after.
He throws on sweatpants and a t-shirt before making sure you’re covered good with the quilt. A kiss to your head before he heads downstairs to make you a cup of that tea you love so he can bring it to you in bed.
As the tea brews, he makes himself a cup of instant coffee. Sipping it, savoring it, while he thinks back to everything that happened last night. Figuring out how to give Ellie her guitar back without making anything worse.
Suddenly, the back door opens and Ellie comes into view in the kitchen doorway.
All Joel can do is stare at her, uncertain what he should say in fear she’d only get more mad at him.
Ellie looks sheepish as she quietly mumbles, “Hey.”
He finds his voice, slowing putting his cup down on the counter, “Hey, kiddo,” a hint of hope in his tone.
She glances around the kitchen, hands playing with the sleeves of the flannel she has on, “I, uh, was thinking we could have breakfast together. Maybe, talk?”
The ache in his chest is purely from concealed excitement. He manages a small nod, “Yeah, yeah ‘course we can.”