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i.
hailey trusted him, from the day she met him. she said she’d follow him blind, him out of anyone.
he’d promised himself he wouldn’t fall for another partner. but it was so hard when hailey stood in front of him, biting her lip nervously, at her confession of trust. they were similar in that way, both worrying that they would be let down once again.
his eyes flicked to her lip being pulled between her teeth, quickly but not quick enough for her to not notice. she blushed high on her cheeks, giving him a small smile before turning and walking out of the room.
he was so done for.
ii.
the sound of the bullets that ripped through the side of the surveillance van matched the rapid beat of jays heart as he dragged hailey to the ground.
now they lay on the floor, with his arm wound tightly around her back and his hand in her hair. her nose was buried in the crook of his neck, and he could feel her breathing hard and fast against his skin.
‘you’re okay. we’re okay.’
he whispered it so quietly, more to himself than to her, that he wasn’t even sure she heard it. she nodded her head quickly, once, twice, to assure him that she had indeed heard his quiet words. a quiet sob ripped through her body as she twisted her hand in his shirt and pulled herself impossibly closer. jay’s hand slipped down to her hip, then back up and down her back in a desperate attempt to calm her.
he would’ve done it all day if it brought her any kind of comfort. he would’ve done anything for her.
iii.
cameron was dead. he was dead and all hailey wanted to do was drown.
she’s been scrubbing her hands in the sink of the locker room for so long and so harshly that they’re red and raw, tears welling in her eyes and blurring her vision.
that’s how jay found her. desperately scrubbing her hands and wiping away the odd tear that dripped down her cheek. she felt him before she saw him. felt his chest on her back and his hand on her shoulder, before she looked up and saw him in the mirror behind her. he whispered her name, a little sadly, before reaching around her to turn off the sink and pull her hands away. he grabbed a towel from next to the sink, and spun her around with a hand on her back to face him. he dried her hands, before wetting the towel and wiping the splatters of blood she had missed on her neck and hairline. he dropped the towel in the sink, before focusing on his partner crumbling in front of him. she pulled her eyes from the floor at the feel of jay’s hands on her upper arms. that was her mistake. when blue met green, a sob ripped through her, causing jay to pull her into his chest, a hand in her hair and a soothing stroke of his fingers on her back.
she hates this. hates feeling weak, like she needs to be taken care of. but with jay… she couldn’t think what that means, not now. now, she had to be content with the featherlight kiss he dropped on the side of her head while her face was buried in his neck.
she’ll think about what her racing heart means later.
iv.
jay was on a date.
so, naturally, hailey was drowning her sorrows in alcohol. the night found her hunched over a glass of whiskey sour in a booth at molly’s and avoiding the knowing looks of kim and the occasional comment from adam. she had scowled when adam had innocently but teasingly asked where jay was, and drank the whiskey that kevin put on the table that was designated for her partner.
hailey was more than happy to sit and wallow in peace, when a certain red headed doctor came to disturb her. will sat next to her, and upon noticing her mood, a shit-eating grin immediately sprung on his face.
‘how’s my favourite detective tonight?’ he asked innocently, ‘and where is my darling little brother?’. she glared at him, before returning her gaze to the glass in front of her. she’d heard the brothers talking about jays date, will ribbing jay about ending his ‘dry spell’. she was aware that will knew where his brother was, and that he knew just how hailey was tonight.
(what she hadn’t heard was will teasing his brother about using this girl to distract him from hailey. that comment had earned the doctor a hard punch to the shoulder and a hissed ‘shut up, idiot’, but that’s a story for another day.)
he chuckled at her glare, his laugh sounding too much like jay’s. he leant towards her with an elbow on the table, with an all-knowing look on his face, before whispering to her with a smug grin.
‘you know, if you just told jay how you feel, he wouldn’t even think about going on a date. and’, he dragged out, ‘i would get my hundred bucks’. they all knew about the bet. adam had let it slip one night in a drunken haze, causing kim to smack him on the back of head and kev to shove him off his stool. everyone had a hand in it, even platt and the crew from 51.
‘i’ll give you a hundred bucks to go away.’
‘yeah?’
‘no.’
hailey took a long sip from her glass, enjoying the burn that followed the whiskey slipping down her throat, while will laughed at her snark.
‘jay!’
hailey’s head whipped around at the sound of her partners name. sure enough jay, who looked too damn good in her whiskey haze, was walking towards them with a grin on his face.
and a girl on his arm.
when he reached the table, he patted wills shoulder, saluted kev and adam, and waved at kim and vanessa. unfortunately for hailey, the two empty seats at the table were next to her. jay and the girl made their way to the seats, jay squeezing haileys shoulder as he passed her.
‘hey hail.’
his greeting was paired with the smile of his that she loved so much. vanessa called it his ‘hailey smile’, because apparently he only did it when hailey was around, (that comment had also warranted a hard punch on the shoulder). she shot him a small smile and dropped her head down to her glass.
jay introduced the girl as katie, and she was gorgeous. sweet and funny, and she made it so hard for hailey to hate her.
it was too much. way too much. hailey couldn’t take it, watching katie’s hand run up and down jays lower arm, while his hand rested on her thigh. blaming it on the alcohol, she stood up and started to leave. but jay being jay, stopped her.
‘you need a lift? i can drive you.’
she shook her head and thanked him quietly, mumbling about a cab. the team bid her their goodbyes and she walked out as quick as her cloudy mind would let her.
she couldn’t sit and watch them. she just couldn’t.
***
what she hadn’t noticed, was jays sad look following her out the door.
what he hadn’t noticed, was katie recognising the longing look that followed his partner.
(needless to say, when vanessa returned home, hailey received a long, definitely dramatised, story about how katie had left not long after hailey, but not before telling jay to grow a pair and ask out his partner.)
v.
she wasn’t sure when the touches started. sure, there had always been the odd squeeze of his shoulder to reassure him or the occasional ruffling of her hair, but it hadn’t been like this.
before, he never would’ve dropped a hand to her hip to move past her in the break room, and she never would’ve sat beside in the locker room after a tough case with her head resting on his.
he never would’ve brushed his thumb over her dimple when she laughed, or her forehead when she thought too hard, and she never would’ve scratched the hair on the nape of his neck on her couch late at night, or thrown her legs across his lap.
and when he brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face that felt a lot more than just friendly, she shouldn’t have blushed.
and when she ran a hand down his chest in an act of comfort that felt a lot more than just innocent, his skin shouldn’t have exploded into goosebumps.
but they did.
vi.
they were undercover to sting a drug ring leader named spence. their hours of surveillance had given them nothing, so here they were at 1am in a bar, eyes peeled and their ‘vodka soda’ just soda.
the bar was crowded, and the team were spread in every corner. kevin was the bouncer, trying to id spence at the door, while adam, kim, and vanessa were placed around the bar as lookouts. jay and hailey were the bait, the young couple that were looking to buy whatever spence was selling.
and they probably shouldn’t have, but they scoured around corner of the bar where they knew the drug game was played. sure enough, they found a small hallway that lead towards a few doors down the end. there was only lights above every door, which made the whole thing feel like a crappy horror movie. the dimly lit space had an eerie feeling, causing jay and hailey to exchange looks of uncertainty. still, they decided to venture forwards, after notifying adam through their wires. jay walked towards a door on the right, hailey to the one on the left.
there was a rattling from the door at the end, and footsteps could be heard behind it. both detectives heads shot up as they heard a hand grasp and turn the doorknob, but it was jay that made the first move, after a second of hesitation.
he backed her against the wall, whispering a quiet ‘god i’m so sorry’, before pressing his lips to hers slowly, but with a sense of urgency. hailey let out a surprised noise and froze against his mouth, but after a few seconds, lifted her hands to rest on his chest. his hands moved from the wall, one dropping to her hip and the other coming to rest on her jaw. she twisted her hands in his shirt, sighing into his mouth when his hand slipped into her hair, tugging on it lightly. she was so distracted by jays tongue swiping against her bottom lip, that she didn’t notice the surprised shout of the man next to them.
when jay pulled away, she groaned quietly, and dropped her head to his neck, as if concealing her embarrassment from being caught, (really, she just didn’t need jay to see the effect he’d had on her). she heard jay apologise profusely in response to the man’s angry questions of ‘what are you doing here, you can’t be back here’, before he squeezed her waist and smiled softly at her when she lifted her head. he nodded his head back towards the bar to get her to move along. they walked quickly back towards the bar, his hand hot on her lower back.
‘i’m so sorry, i didn’t know what else to do’, she felt him whisper, his breath fanning over her neck.
she shook her head softly. ‘it’s okay, it worked, didn’t it?’, she said, smiling ruefully. he rubbed his thumb over her waist before letting go of her completely when they reached the bar.
‘you guys good?’ adam asked over the wire. hailey whispered a yes, hoping to god that the whole team didn’t hear what had happened in that hallway.
they lingered at the bar, both leaning against it. they stood closely, close enough for everyone to know they were together, but not too close. and god, she was gorgeous, when she was smiling up at him with blue eyes and blonde curls in her face, even more now that he knew what she tasted like. the lines had been getting blurrier lately, and neither were too sure of the others feelings. that hallway kiss had rocked the boat, and needless to say, it made for a very confused hailey and jay, and most likely, provided the amusement of the intelligence team.
‘fucks sake jay, touch her. you guys look like siblings.’
jay watched adam smirk from where he was leaning against the wall, and turned in time to see hailey laugh and shake her head. still glaring at adam, jay put his hand on her hip to pull her back to his chest. he snaked his hand around to splay on her stomach, where her hand came to rest over his. he whispered a quiet apology in her ear, making her shiver as his breath ran over her neck once again.
‘you’re good. adam was probably right.’
(they entirely ignored adam’s ‘wait hailey, say that again, i need that on record.’)
she spun around in his arms, resting her hands on his chest while his dropped to her hips. she smiled up at him, and he thought he was going to die.
she was so close. he’d barely have to move his head and he could press his lips to her again. he could dimple his fingers into her hips and pull her flush against him, he could smile against her lips and feel her laugh under his hands. he could taste her again, and he could finally tell her how he felt without words.
‘jay? you okay?’
‘sorry, yeah, are you?’
she tilted her head at him, breathing out a laugh.
‘you left me for a bit there, where’d you go?’
‘i… shit, there’s spence.’ saved by the bell, he thought.
he grabbed her hand that was on his chest and pulled her towards the set of couches near spence, dropping down on the velvet and patting the spot next to him. she snorted at his smirk, and sat down. she tried to control her racing heart caused by his hand on her knee, but failed miserably when he dragged his hand up her leg, fingers resting on the inside of her thigh. she breathed heavily, before looking up at jay to find him already smirking down at her. god.
‘much better guys, but how about instead of the eye contact, we keep an eye on spence! perfect!’
hailey dropped her head to jays shoulder to whisper a quick ‘if you don’t shut up, ill get platt to put you on the beat. and she’ll do it.’
‘yes ma’am.’
***
spence slipped up, and they got him. their undercover op finished at around 3am, and they all drove back to the district on a high.
the two detectives were the last there, after writing reports and experiencing the ‘great’ perks of being the highest ranking officers in their unit. hailey grabbed her bag out of her locker as jay leant on the one next to it. she could feel his eyes on her, and kept her own trained to her bag. she didn’t know what would happen if she looked up.
he might kiss her. he might grab her hips and cage her against the locker, like she’d imagined so many times. like he’d done earlier tonight.
but he didn’t. when she finally got a grip, because seriously hailey, it’s just jay, and looked up, he just smiled his annoyingly perfect smile. she rolled her eyes at him playfully, slamming her locker shut.
god, she couldn’t do this anymore.
vii.
erin was coming back.
the feds had sent two loan out officers to help with the marx assault case, and of course one of them was erin.
hailey had no idea how jay was going to react, when voight pulled both detectives into his office to tell them about the new temporary additions to their team. she didn’t know if he’d be angry, upset, or excited. if he was excited though, god it would absolutely break her heart.
but instead of any of that, he was indifferent. he didn’t show any reaction, gave a stiff nod of his head before walking out of the office towards the locker room. hailey knew him better though, knew that he would be spiralling inside his head because what the hell? hailey’s eyes followed him until he disappeared, and then looked back at voight with a puzzled expression.
‘go check on him. i know it was a shock.’ voight said gruffly, waving his hand towards the locker room, and god, he really had gotten soft in his old age. hailey didn’t need to be told twice though, and walked quickly towards where she knew jay would be.
she rounded the corner of the locker room, calling his name softly. his head raised from where it was resting against his hands. his eyes were conflicted, which scared her more than if they were excited. she sat next to him, straddling the bench so she could face him.
‘you alright?’
jay shrugged and ran his hands over his thighs, leaning his head back and blowing out a breath.
‘i don’t know hail, i just…’
‘i know.’ she whispered, ‘it’s okay.’
he breathed in heavily and ran a hand down his face. she grabbed his hand that was resting on his thigh.
‘however it goes, i’ll be right there, yeah?’
he squeezed her hand quickly and nodded. and if she dropped her forehead onto the hard bone of his shoulder, he wasn’t going to say anything. and if he sagged back into her body just a little bit, she wasn’t going to push him off.
and anyway, he’ll be fine, it’s erin. he’ll be fine. he blew out a long breath, getting her attention from where she was rubbing circles on the back of his hand.
‘what’re you thinking?’
before he could reply, trudy popped her head in the door with a soft look on her face neither of them had seen before. she announced that the fed agents were here, throwing jay a reassuring smile before turning and walking out again.
the look that jay gave hailey was enough to break her heart. brave, reckless jay halstead looked like a nervous high schooler. it was times like this when it was so so hard to not lean over and press her lips to his. it was times like this when she just wanted to kiss him until everything fell away and he knew what he meant to her, until he saw himself the way she did, and until he knew that she was with him, no matter what.
walking towards the bullpen, they could hear the excited shout of adam, and the confused but happy squeal that escaped kim. the pair of detectives watched the team exchange hugs with erin, and ‘nice to meet yous’ with the other agent as they rounded the corner.
as they approached the erin and the other agent, hailey glanced at jay to gage his reaction. his wall had gone back up, and the smile on his face was small but tight, as he shook the other agents hand and gave erin a quick, stiff hug. hailey did the same, hugging erin and smiling warmly at the agent who was introduced as kristen.
the detectives made their way to their desks, hailey sitting in her chair and jay perching on the edge of her desk. he stared at the floor with his arms folded, not noticing the worried look that hailey was wearing. she tore her eyes off of him to listen to what voight was saying about the case and erin and kristen, but absentmindedly lifted her hand to rest on her desk, her knuckles brushing his leg. even though it was a small gesture, she’ll be damned if she lets him think he’s by himself in this.
iix.
the case they had just wrapped up had been awful. it was a ranger. a guy that had served, had come home, not knowing what to do with himself, and got into stuff he shouldn’t have.
these cases were always hard for jay. to see what could’ve happened to the other guys in his unit, what could’ve happened to him. this one, however, was worse than any they’d had before. the guy was someone jay had gone through training with, had fought in the same unit with.
will had called her, just as she sat down with on her couch with a book, his tone quiet but urgent when beckoning her to molly’s to help his brother.
she found jay nursing a glass of whiskey at the bar. will sat on his right, whispering quietly in his ear and flagging hermann down for a water. the older halstead looked up and saw her standing there. he ran his hand over the back of jays head and made his way towards her.
‘he won’t talk to me, but i’m guessing he’ll talk to you.’
hailey opened her mouth to say something, her eyes sympathetic for the man who just wanted to help his little brother, but he shushed her with a hand on her shoulder.
‘you’re good for him and he needs you. message me when he’s home?’
hailey nodded, and watched as will left the bar with a squeeze of her shoulder and a wave directed at hermann. she turned her attention back to jay, who was slowly spinning the glass of water in circles. she slipped onto the stool next to him, turning to face him.
‘jay.’
he looked up at her, immediately shattering her heart. his eyes were rimmed red and his shoulders sagged as if the weight of the sky was resting upon them. he looked back at his water, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.
‘i don’t want to talk.’
‘it’s me, jay. i’m not gonna make you talk.’
he nodded minutely, moving off his stool to take her outstretched hand. she waved a goodbye to hermann, who nodded with a smile.
the way back to his apartment was quiet, but not awkward. that’s how it was between them, words were unnecessary and the silence was comfortable. she put her car in park and felt jays hand reach over and squeeze her thigh in thanks.
he fumbled with his keys a bit, the whiskey going to his head, but eventually unlocked the door. he stayed standing long enough to chuck his phone and keys on the kitchen bench and kick off his shoes before he dropped down onto the couch. hailey poured him a glass of water, choosing to ignore how domestic and normal this felt, and sat it on the coffee table in front of him.
she never made him talk, just sat next to him shoulder to shoulder as a way to show him she was there and she wasn’t going anywhere. eventually, he fell asleep with his head on her shoulder and two of their fingers intertwined.
and that’s how it was between them, a silent but steady figure in a world where the chaos never eased.
+ i.
he knew what she tasted like. knew what her hips felt like under his hands and knew the breathy sound she made when he tugged on her hair.
and it was driving him crazy.
it had been a few weeks since the undercover op, and yet all jay had thought of was her. her in the dark hallway and her hands on his chest. her groan into his neck when he pulled away and her back pressed against him. it was distracting, to say the least. when she walked away from him with a sway of her hips, his eyes lingered too long. when she winked at him after making a joke at his expense, all he could do was stare. and when she ran her hand down his chest and patted her hand, once, twice, his brain absolutely short circuited.
he knew she knew something was up. she’s not stupid. she’d raised her eyebrows at him more in the last week than she had in their four years of being partners, constantly catching him staring at her. she’d noticed the change in his smile when he looked at her or watched her talk. it had always been a soft grin, one that vanessa and kim teased hailey mercilessly about. but now it was an almost mesmerised smile, one that makes hailey stumble over her words.
the team sat at mollys, joined by a few from 51 and med. jay nursed a beer while he spoke with kelly and will, listening to another gross medical story from his brother. jay couldn’t help but stare as hailey laughed loudly at something sylvie said, a blush gracing her cheeks while kim shook her shoulders. sylvie nodded her head towards him, and both hailey and kim’s eyes snapped to him. he could hear his partner groan from where she sat, her head dropping into her hands. he raised his eyebrow at kim, who erupted into a second round of laughter, almost falling on hailey from where she stood behind her.
a hand clicked in front of his face, snapping him back to the conversation in front of him. both men just grinned at him, knowing exactly what and who he was staring at.
‘go get your girl, halstead.’
‘yeah jay, why are you just sitting here pouting? girls don’t like that, little brother.’
jay rolled his eyes, shoving his hand to his brothers chest. ‘shut up man, go buy me another beer.’ will pinched his cheek, laughing as he moved towards the bar.
eventually, though, kelly moved away to flirt with stella, and will to try and get natalie’s attention. so, jay ended up at the bar by himself, picking the label off of his beer bottle and watching his partner get progressively more wasted. he watched her drain shots with her arms linked with kim’s and punch adam for a joke he made at her expense.
he watched her lock eyes with him, push herself off of her stool and make her way towards him. he spun around on his bar stool, grinning as she stumbled across the room. she all but fell onto the wood of the bar, elbows draped on the counter to hold herself up. his hand moved to her waist to steady her, feeling the warmth of her flushed skin even through her shirt. he has no idea when he became this comfortable touching her, when it became habit to reach over and touch her in any way possible for any sort of reason. hailey’s head turned to him, and he began to retract his hand in fear of making her uncomfortable, but she just grinned and stepped closer.
‘hi.’ she whispered, her grin turning soft, but her dimples still on full display.
jay was acutely aware of his left hand still resting on her waist, but threw caution to the wind when the combination of her smile and four beers made his head fog up. his right arm moved of its own accord, fingers coming up to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear as he whispered his own ‘hi, hail.’
she scrunched her nose as his thumb skimmed her cheek, still grinning up at him under her eyelashes.
‘what’re you doing over here on your own?’
‘watching you try and drink adam’s body weight in tequila.’ he smirked, feigning mock hurt when she shoved his shoulder.
‘shut up. i nearly did it, too, but what kind of partner would i be if i left you here all on your lonesome?’
‘hm, you’re right. you are a terrible partner.’
she rolled her eyes, shoving him again and moving to pull away from his grip on her waist.
‘whatever, i’ll leave. i’m sure kim will appreciate me.’
he laughed quietly, pulling on her hips. ‘c’mere, hail.’ she stared at him expectantly, to which it was his turn to roll his eyes. still, he pulled her closer into the space between his legs. ‘you know you’re the best partner i’ve ever had.’ he says quietly, tapping his finger on her hip.
‘i know,’ she grins happily, ‘i just wanted to hear you say it.’
he would push her, get her back for pushing him nearly off his stool. poke a finger into her waist to see her jump or shove her shoulder lightly. and he would, seriously, if he could bear to have her more than a foot away from him. he’s never been someone who trusts quickly and wholly, never relied on someone, other than his mother, so heavily as he does to hailey. and maybe that should scare him, but when the blonde whirlwind that stands in front of him with a teasing grin and a light in her eyes became the sun in his days of darkness, he couldn’t for the life of him remember why. because now, his racing heart wasn’t from fear or terror, it was from the soft smile she shot him across their desks. now, his flushed skin wasn’t from the beginning of a panic attack, it was from the hand that she skimmed down his chest. hailey was different. hailey was easy. easy to talk to and listen to, easy to crumble in front of, and easy to have when picking up the pieces.
and so, so, easy to fall in love with.
so he doesn’t push her, merely grins at her and pinches her cheek.
‘so what were you, kim, and sylvie talking about before?’ he questions, curious about the flush of her skin that had appeared earlier, as well as right now as she stood in front of him. he watched her think it over in her head, eyes darting from between them, behind him, the ceiling, and finally back to his.
‘you.’
‘me?’
‘yeah. something about you always looking at me like i hung the moon or whatever. brett and burgess watch too many romance movies.’
and maybe it’s the beers or maybe it’s the nervous chew of her lip, but a sudden rush of courage surges through him.
‘took you long enough, upton. maybe you should watch some more romance movies.’
her eyes snap to him immediately, pure shock evident on her face.
‘what?’
he almost laughs, at the crease in her forehead and the drop of her jaw. instead, he just smiles, squeezing her hips lightly.
‘i think you’re officially the last person to notice it, hail. no offence, but all this talk about you being a better detective than me really can’t be right if yo-‘
‘shut up.’
he grins again, this time soft instead of teasing. he can see the uncertainty behind her eyes, feel the tense set of her body under his hands.
‘jay, what are you saying?’ she asks quietly, gripping his forearms on either side of her body almost pleadingly.
‘i’m saying, that i’m just a little bit in love with my partner.’ a soft grin still graces his face, but nerves are starting to make his heart race. if he screws this up, screws up what he has with her, he doesn’t think he’ll ever recover.
thankfully, she doesn’t make him wait too long. her lips twist into a small smile, and her eyes bore into his.
‘yeah?’
‘yeah.’ he pauses for a second, taking her in as she stands in front of him. ‘but listen, hail, you’re gonna need to say something soon, because this is starting to get just a little-‘
she cuts him off by closing the small gap between them, gently pressing her lips to his. as her mouth moves hesitantly over his, he thinks that, yeah, this is his new favourite way for her to shut him up. jay pecks her once, twice, before pulling back. he raises his eyebrow at her, just watching her for a second. he’s almost worried she’s regretting it as she stares back at him, but then she smiles and it’s everything.
‘i’m a little bit in love with you too.’
jay crooks a knuckle under her chin, grinning wider than he thought possible. he leans in to kiss her again, gentle and chaste, before moving his lips to peck her cheek and whisper in her ear.
‘let’s get out of here, hm?’
she nods, all smiles, and grabs the hand that’s still settled over her waist. hailey all but yanks him off the stool, and she walks backwards for a few steps before spinning around and dragging him behind her. they walk past a table full of kim, adam, sylvie, kevin, and matt, both girls jumping out at hailey and pushing her shoulders. she just winks and grins at them as jay nods to the group, following his partner out of the bar.
and, yeah, he’s going to go where she goes.
he’d follow her everywhere if she let him.