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when they were kids, leo and donnie had a particular fascination with borders.
sometimes during play time, theyd divide the lair into two, and mark the boundary with small, colorful blocks. usually, donnie would get the living room, kitchen, and everything else, and leo would get the bedrooms and hallway.
theyd always find a way to make it fun. typically, leo would make a show of pretending to cross over to donnie's side while the purple one was meadering around his space and talking about how much room he had compared to his twin.
then donnie would catch him and shout. leo would go back to his side with a hop and a giggle. and this would repeat for however many times they deemed fit.
they liked to get creative. when donnie told leo that he "could not take a single step over that line", leo would respond by crawling over said line until the only thing left on his own side were his feet.
stupid smile would meet irritated frown.
for times when leo most annoyed donnie, he would sneak into his brother's territory and take something from his room, then display it in a very obvious place for him to see when he's no longer distracted.
leo would walk out of his brother's room and back to the border. he would immediately see a cup, or comic, or action figure on the kitchen counter. a fake scowl would appear on his face, and he'd say, "hey! that's mine!"
donnie would pose like he owns the place, armed crossed, and oppose leo's act with a big, genuine smirk. "well, if you want it, then come and get it."
and the moment leo raced across that border, all hell would break loose. it became *war.*
there'd be a squable and a fight that consisted of slapping on leo's end and biting on donnie's. there's no telling who would win the fight, but when it was over, that was it. leo would take his rightful prize wether he won or not, and theyd brush the blocks out of the way.
things would return to normal, but they would come back the next day and do it all again.
as they grew, theyd change the borders around a bit. sometimes theyd build a tunnel for leo to go through so he could get to the kitchen- sometimes giving the entire kitchen to him- or a small passageway that lead to the tv so he could watch cartoons. but no matter what, donnie would always keep an eye on those blocks and make sure not a single inch of leo passed them.
and leo would happily play along.
but one day, he didnt feel like playing the game anymore. he simply grew out of it, and he assumed donnie did as well. one day, he saw the blocks lined neatly at the mouth of the hallway, but casually stepped over them, not thinking much of it, only to be met with a hand to his plastron shoving him back over it.
"what do you think you're doing?" donnie said.
"i dont feel like playing today, maybe another time." leo gave a simple, innocent explanation, but donnie didn't like it.
"no," donnie replied. "you dont understand. you see the blocks, you stand on the other side."
leo was confused, but entertained him. "really? i cant even, i dunno- get a snack?"
donnie shook his head.
"or watch tv?" leo continued to inquiry.
donnie stood stern. "not unless i move the blocks to allow it."
and so leo had to stay on his side. donnie did provide him with access to the kitchen and various other areas, until one day, when he placed the block back across the entrance to the hallway and left them there.
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leo had tried to talk to him about it, he really did. but he simply wouldnt listen.
he would sit at the border every day, watching as donnie went about his buisness. leo would keep his eyes always on him, and donnie would steal a few glances, but tried his hardest not to let his eyes linger.
had donnie not realized he was hurting both of them?
every time he turned his head to leo, he had strong emotion in his eyes, and leo couldnt decide if it was sadness or anxiety. probably both. then it was gone when he turned back around.
maybe he did know, but had bigger priorities.
this was no longer a game.
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if leo wanted food, donnie would have to give it to him. if he wanted something from the gym, donnie would have to give it to him. if he wanted anything that was across border, it had to be given to him by donnie's discretion.
lately though, donnie wouldn't comply. he wouldn't even go near the border anymore.
and leo was getting sick of it.
"hey. can we be done with this?" leo would say to donnie one day, from all the way across the living room. the purple one didnt reply.
"im talking to you, donatello." his twin's shoulders tensed, barely noticable.
it would be a staring contest with the back of his head for a few moments.
"no. it stays like this."
"why?" leo immediately retorted.
"because," donnie paused. his words were not strong. "things are better this way."
leo stood up incredulously. "excuse me? no, it's not. you're smart, you should be able to see that."
donnie didn't reply. leo pushed.
"you're doing neither of us favors acting this way. you're restricting our bond and hurting us both in the process. you *have* to see it, don."
his twin still refused to reply.
leo reached. "i miss you."
the air felt like it weighed tons.
donnie got up and left the room. not once did he turn to look at the turtle behind him.
leo deflated.
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he kept sitting in that hallway. every day he sat there and watched his twin live his life. and every day he saw it get worse.
every day he'd see donnie wake up on the couch, separated from his bed and belongings. for a moment, it was like nothing was wrong; his eyes would be bleary and blank. and every day, after he reached lucidity, he'd see those eyes quickly turn sour.
simply waking up made donnie upset.
leo knew what they were both thinking, but he couldnt, for the *life* of him, figure out why donnie didn't want to face it. was he trying to prove something? was he trying to protect himself?
it upset him to no end. donnie was destroying himself and leo saw it in every move he made.
he looked down at the blocks. at the border.
he had to help him.
leo pushed a block out of the way with his foot.
and, from somewhere across the lair, donatello screamed.
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the border had more blocks across it now.
every day was the same. he would wake up, come and sit near the line, and starve the whole day while he watched his brother.
but now donnie kept a closer eye on him.
he thought he'd be happy to finally have his twin's eyes on him again, but it didn't feel good at all. he would glare, not gaze. he'd sneer, he'd scoff, wether he said the word or made the sound, and he would never look at him in a friendly way.
so why was it that leo could still see regret in his eyes? it was a silent plead, a whisper that said, "please forgive me."
or maybe he was just delirious.
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donnie was crying one night.
leo could tell through the way he was kneeling on the floor, basically curled into himself, and how his frame shivered. donnie always had a knack for hiding his cries, but not this time.
leo, just like he'd been doing forever, sat across from that line and bared witness.
"donnie," he'd say quietly, trying and hoping he could get his brother's attention. donnie breathed deep and leo cautiously took that as a sign to continue.
"what's wrong?" his voice cracked. he knew the answer to that question, but he wanted donnie to speak to him more than anything. anticipation seeped deep into his veins.
please.
everything sat still. and just when it seemed like donnie was worlds away, he turned.
and he looked *miserable.*
their eye contact lasted all of a few seconds before donnie hid himself again. but to leo, it felt like eons.
the blue one exhaled. he searched high and low for words.
"hey... im right here. i can help."
donnie reeled like he got stung. leo's heart lurched, but he pushed.
"i will always be here for you. despite everything, ill be here."
leo blinked, and his eyes became wet. donnie inhaled again, but it was broken this time.
"im so sorry." donnie whispered.
"it's okay."
"no, it's- it's not-"
"donnie-"
they both wept. donnie held his face in his hands and convulsed, rocking himself in place, while leo's lips quivered and fat tears hit the carpet under him.
"im ruining everything, but i just- i just can't stop-"
"yes you can, don. yes you can. i know you can."
donatello wailed. "i dont deserve this!"
"no, none of that."
"you should hate me. why dont you hate me?"
leo gripped the fibers under his hands. "because youre my twin. you're my family, you're a person ive had my entire life. i *cant* hate you. i will *never* hate you."
donnie shook his head frantically.
leo spoke again. "please. you dont have to keep doing this."
"but... im scared. im so scared."
"i know. i know."
donnie now had his hands on the floor like he didnt trust his own body to hold him up. leo heard the quiet patter of his tears meeting the ground.
leo didn't say anything else. he didnt even move, not until donnie's sobs ebbed.
a blessing mustve come through, because donnie looked at leo again. this time, he did not turn away. his face displayed every possible weakness at once, yet he looked on.
leo could only offer the smallest smile. but it held the weight of *everything.*
that's what got him.
donnie's arms wobbled and it took every last effort in his tired muscles to get himself to stand. but he did. he stood with both hands gripping the other arm's bicep.
to donnie, it was pathetic. but to leo, he had never seen anything better.
leo stood up, too. donnie looked around, like he was having second thoughts, but leo told him,
"you can do this."
and it got him to look right back at him.
donnie shuffled so slowly, until he was in front of the border. leo was no more than three feet away from him. donnie couldnt make himself go any further.
leo reached out his hand.
it was on donnie's side of the border.
he froze. then breathed. his hands were clammy, and shaking, and he had to look away before reaching his own hand out.
he felt like he was going to die.
then their hands met,
and the entire world fell silent.
leo was a statue. donnie's skin was burning. but he kept his hand there.
he kept it there until he could no longer feel the burning. until the pain subsided, until the only thing left was a comfortable warmth.
he dared to look. leo was looking at their contact like he had been waiting a million years for it.
it was so, so simple. so simple, yet so huge.