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“ Kanpai! ”
The sound of beer cans clinking filled the mildly chilly spring air as all nine of them gathered around the fire, the orange glow of the warm toasty flame illuminating their faces. Maki feels the same, warm and fuzzy inside. And no, it has nothing to do with the alcohol he’s consuming, but has everything to do with his fellow members radiating pure unadulterated joy.
After weeks of grueling promotions for their new EP and continuously reaching new heights in their career, the company had decided to graciously grant them almost a week long break. Stating something along the lines of they deserve it for breaking previous records and finally getting the numbers the company expected from them—a bit backhanded, but Maki can’t even find it in himself to care right now. A break is a break. A win is a win.
Of course, naturally, the right course of action after getting told that they will be taking a break was to plan a trip with everyone down in Hayama before they slave away to an even more brutal schedule— Asia tour practice .
It was scarily fast how everyone collectively decided to spend three out of five days of their vacation together when they all could’ve spent it separately. Planned trips of their own, visited places with other people, or even gone home to their families. Yet here they are, in a small coastal town an hour drive from Tokyo. A rented seaside cabin big enough to fit all of them, housing them temporarily for three days. No cameras to stress about. No staff nagging at their every move. Just them and their ever growing attachments towards each other.
After stuffing themselves full with grilled meat and ramen for dinner, Yuma had all but dragged them outside to the bonfire area in the garden. Mentioned how he saw a western movie the other night. The characters cooked marshmallows in the fire and made s'mores for dessert, and said he wanted to recreate it. And no one ever dares to go against Yuma’s wishes.
“I want hotdogs too.” Taki had requested as well.
“Hotdog is not a dessert idiot,” Harua argued.
In the end, Taki won because he weaponized his Kei- hyung’s inability to say no to him.
Now they sit in a circle, the fire in the middle—the sun to their planets for the night—as they pass around marshmallows and hotdogs to cook while sharing memories and stories together, laughing about everything and nothing.
“ Euijoo , I swear, he totally has a big fat crush on you!” Taki’s frame shakes with mirth, both hands sticky with burnt marshmallow residue from his nth failed attempt at a perfect golden roast.
“No he doesn’t,” Euijoo counters. “It was obviously for content, Taki.”
Maki not-so-subtly glances at Nicholas, and the sight that greets him bubbles a laugh out of his chest. Just to Euijoo’s left, Nicholas is perched tensely on a lawn chair. Face incredibly flushed from the one can of beer he had consumed. Such a lightweight.
He remembers telling his roommate that his expressive face is both a strength and a weakness. A strength when they perform on stage, strong expressions emphasizing his every move, bringing an extra flair to the overall performance. A weakness when he’s tipsy, bordering on drunk, unable to hide his jealousy when a frown is etched so clearly on his face after Taki’s speculations.
Maki wanted to pinch his cheeks and coo at him, but he guesses that might result in a broken nose. He can’t afford any injuries now with tour dates looming closer.
“Tell him,” Taki pokes the blunt end of the stick to Jo’s side, looking for someone to take his side. “Tell him Jo. You were there, you saw how Sungho-ssi looked at our Euijoo.”
Everyone waited with baited breath as all eyes fell on Jo, waiting for his answer. Maki briefly wonders if he would add more fuel to the fire, dropping his usual mediator nature now that he had alcohol in his system to loosen him up a bit.
Unfortunately, another lightweight steals the spotlight.
“ Oi! ” Kei-hyung shouts, abruptly standing up from his chair. “Stop with the teasing Taki.”
Judging from the telltale signs of a shit-eating grin about to bloom on his face, Maki had an inkling what he’s going to say next will make someone want to crawl into a hole.
“Have some mercy,” he feigns concern before going in for the kill. “Look at poor Nicholas, he’s about to pop a vein over it. We need him alive for the tour Taki.”
Nicholas turns out to be that someone .
Everyone hoots and hollers at Kei- hyung’s jab. Sounds of loud laughter filling the night sky as Nicholas turns a shade redder than he already is, blush coloring the tips of his ears, the high of his cheekbones, across the bridge of his nose, and all the way down his neck. Euijoo isn’t doing any better.
“Shut up,” Nicholas mumbles quietly, hiding his face behind his hands, which in turn made everyone laugh even harder.
He looks around their circle, eyes flitting to everyone, observing and taking in their amused expressions. His gaze first lands on Yuma and Taki, who are hitting each other while laughing with their whole bodies. Jo is giggling non-stop. Fuma is chuckling while trying to manhandle Kei- hyung back into his seat. He himself is cackling loudly, clutching his stomach from laughing too hard. Finally, his eyes fall on Harua.
Harua.
The blond has his head tipped back, showing the expanse of his neck as he laughs at the expense of Nicholas. When he tilts his head back down, his eyes and nose are still scrunched up, remnants of laughter still evident on his face. And much like everyone else, he wasn’t safe from the Asian flush the alcohol brought on. His nose and cheeks dusted in a pretty pink color, almost the same shade as his plump lips.
When he partially opens his eyes, they glimmer with the unshed tears pooling behind them. They end up mimicking the view above, holding a galaxy’s worth of light in the deep brown pools of his gaze. Beautiful .
His trance was broken by a hand on his shoulder. He looks to his right and sees Fuma smirking at him.
“Close your mouth Maki, you’ll catch flies.”
Maki shuts his jaw close before playfully shoving Fuma’s hand off his shoulder. God forbid a man appreciates raw unfiltered beauty right in front of his eyes.
It’s not like he has a crush on his pretty best friend. Right?
Maki decides to shove down those thoughts with three big gulps of beer. He is not about to play mental gymnastics during vacation, especially not one involving his best friend. In that perfect moment, Taki’s loud voice pierces through his ears, pulling him out of his head.
“Two hotdogs left, who wants the other one?”
Maki didn’t think twice before raising a hand, “Me! I want it!”
Taki gives him a grin and a thumbs up. A stamp of approval for his show of enthusiasm towards the last piece of hotdog.
“Alright, Maki-chan,” Taki says, exaggerated aegyo making him look more constipated than cute as he pats Maki’s head that gives him a full body shiver. Not in a good way. “Let me cook this for you too, my sweetheart.”
Taki then shoves the long stick through the hotdogs and puts it directly on the fire. A disgusted expression subconsciously overtakes his face. There’s nothing he hates more in the world than a dirty living space and charred hotdogs.
Before he could voice out his complaint, or force the stick out of Taki’s hands before the hotdog became nothing but ashes, a thump was heard next to him followed by a groan.
“Owww,” Taki moans and turns his head to look at the culprit. “What the fuck Harua!?”
“Give me that, dumbass.”
Taki looked confused for a moment, and so did Maki, before Harua sighed out loud and pointed at the hotdog being tortured with fire.
“What? Why?”
Before answering, he snatches the stick out of Taki’s hold and pushes him off his chair. “Let’s change seats. I’m taking over. You know Maki hates charred hotdogs.”
Huh?
“No I didn’t,” Taki hisses in response.
“Of course you don’t,” Harua scoffs. “Well then next time don’t bother offering to cook.”
“Like you’re any better.”
“Better than you at least.”
Maki has no idea what’s happening. He’s getting dizzy from the eye tennis he’s been playing, switching his gaze from Harua to Taki, back to Harua, and then to Taki again as they argue in front of him and his hotdog.
“Whatever.” Taki finally yields. Walking over to where Harua previously sat before coming over to take charge with cooking.
Harua hums, satisfied that he won the argument—if you could even call it that—and pulls the lawn chair Taki occupied seconds ago closer to Maki. As the younger’s brain short circuited, he couldn’t do anything but just stare at the Harua in awe.
The light from the fire illuminated Harua’s face, up close Maki can still see the light flush on his face despite the orange hue the fire provides. This close, he can also see Harua’s long lashes, fluttering beautifully with every blink. He was very tempted to count every single one of it. Just to give him something to think about other than leaning in to ki—
“Hi,” Harua says softly, turning to look at Maki probably after feeling his intense stare at the side of his face.
“H–hey,” Maki stutters, tripping over one word like a loser. He wills the ground to open up and swallow him whole before he ends up doing something more embarrassing.
Harua giggles at this, an incredibly fond look on his face directed at Maki. And as if that wasn’t enough to send Maki to an early grave, the older man reaches over and ruffles his hair, much like Taki did earlier. It garners a similar reaction from him: a full-body shiver. This time, the good kind. If the butterflies swarming in his stomach are any indication.
Thankfully, the wolf-persona stayed just as a concept. Maki fears if he really had been a wolf with a tail, it would be wagging uncontrollably right now, swinging from left to right. He would be dubbed a dumb dog for it. Teased endlessly by his fellow members. Just the thought of it alone heats up the back of his neck up to his cheeks. He prays that no one is paying attention to them enough to notice.
The hand patting his head retracts moments later, which made all the butterflies flying inside his guts to drop dead simultaneously. He hopes he doesn’t resemble a puppy who got his bone taken away from him. That would just be pathetic .
All of that hope was instantly crushed when his eyes landed on Nicholas. The bonfire between them acting as a barrier wasn’t enough to hide the devious grin making its way to his lips, making the older look very much like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.
Well, fuck.
Nicholas saw. Nicholas saw his sad puppy face after Harua took his hand off his head. He’s going to get grilled by him once they come back to the dorm and he’s not looking forward to it. Ugh . Rolling his eyes at his roommate, he then chooses to give his full attention back to Harua. At least he wouldn’t be overcome with annoyance if he stared at him instead of Nicholas.
When his eyes lock in on Harua, he notices the deep frown on Harua’s brows. Lips bitten red in concentration as he continued to be laser-focused on the task at hand: Cooking Maki’s hotdog to perfection based on his preference. The hotdog is not directly on the fire, it was at a perfect distance, close enough for it to cook perfectly from the inside without charring the outside. Harua was also turning the stick, to perfectly distribute the heat and leave no part overcooked or raw.
And oh .
Why did the world suddenly spinned slower? Why is everything around them blurring except for Harua? Why does it suddenly feel like his heart is about to beat out of his chest?
Uh. Oh .
Oh .
Maki genuinely wants to bury himself alive. Dig a hole with his bare hands, like the dumb dog that he is, right then and there. LUNÉ will just have to deal with seeing &TEAM continue as an eight-member global group because Maki is not about to accept realizing he’s head over heels in love with Harua over a fucking hotdog. Of all things.
“Here you go, Maki.”
A perfectly cooked hotdog is thrust into his hand. A perfectly pretty boy smiles at him. Perfectly timed wedding bells ring in his ears. Perfectly flashed images of a domestic life with Harua in the future flood his mind. Perfectly perfect Harua, just within reach.
“I love you.”
Harua’s eyes widened at his sudden confession. Mouth slightly opening in shock. It takes Maki a few seconds before his brain catches up with his mouth, and when it does, he truly wishes he had dug up a hole earlier or at least taped his traitorous mouth shut.
Just as flight-or-flight mode is about to kick in, Harua lifts a hand to his face, cupping it to keep him grounded. The feather light touch kept him from spiraling beyond repair.
“Maki-chan you’re so cute,” Harua coos, his natural cuteness slipping out. “I love you too!”
The way it was said was rather a little too enthusiastic, like what a friend would say to a friend, like what a brother would tell a sibling. In short, platonic .
He takes a quick look around to see if anyone has overheard their conversation. Luckily, everyone seems to be lost in their own conversations. Maki shakes his head and takes Harua’s hand in his, softly caressing the back of it while he works up the courage to look him straight in the eyes.
With a deep breath, he brings his gaze up to meet Harua’s. In a snap, their eyes locked in like magnets. Unable to look away as they stared deeply at each other, as if their eyes are portals that lead to answers of their many silent questions.
This up close, Maki can faintly see light freckles that scattered beautifully across Harua’s face. Some dotted his cheekbones and a few on the bridge of his nose, likely the result of the sun kissing his face. Never has Maki wished to be the center of the solar system so badly ‘til now. Well, he’s not that picky, he can also settle for being the center of Harua’s love and affection.
Maki’s thoughts swirl, the words he’s spent so long trying to arrange finally falling into place. He opens his mouth, but for a moment, his breath catches. Unsure if what he’s about to say will make any sense at all. He hesitates, his fingers unintentionally gripping Harua’s hand tighter, before he tries again, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Do you wanna go up to the cabin’s rooftop? To see the stars and the moon closer.”
His heart pounded so loud in his chest, afraid that if he opens his mouth again it will force its way out of his body and offer itself to Harua as a gift. Leaving him, the host, lying lifeless on the ground.
Seconds, or minutes, probably even hours have passed—he’s not sure, or maybe he does; he's just being dramatic—before Harua graces him with an answer.
“Yeah, of course,” Harua says, head tilting to the side and lips quirking up in a small smile.
A thorn felt like it was plucked from the deep recesses of his lungs, enabling him to breathe a little easier. He got this in the bag. He thinks.
They stand up at the same time, Maki not letting go of Harua’s hand even as they make their way to the said rooftop. Scared that Harua might slip away from his fingers, both literally and figuratively. He’s not taking any chances.
As they reach the top of the stairs, Maki pulls open the door to the rooftop for Harua—fingers still interlocked—gesturing for him to enter first. The view from there is breathtaking. From this height, the sea stretches out clearer, a vast expanse of shimmering dark blue reflecting the starlit sky. The moon seems impossibly close, casting a soft glow over the landscape, giving the small town an even dreamier vibe.
“Wow,” Harua whispers to the wind.
“I know.”
“It’s so beautiful.”
Maki takes his eyes off the landscape, glancing at Harua’s side profile instead. He memorizes every curve of his face, every dip, every slant, committing it all to memory. He stores it away in the part of his brain—and heart—labeled with the name HARUA in bold. He wants to remember this moment forever. But even that word isn't enough; he wants to carry it with him into his next life, and the next one, and so on.
He can’t believe it took him this long.
And because he’s as cliche as it comes, he confesses once again.
“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?”
It was silent for a while, no words exchanged between them. The only sounds that could be heard were the rustling of the spring wind through the nearby trees and the distant, muted crash of waves on the shore.
Maki begins to sweat, uneasy in the thick silence. His hand, still holding Harua's, is probably clammy by now, but he refuses to let go. Not until he gets an answer. He’s come this far, and he’s not about to back down now.
Coward Maki is nothing more than a story of the past.
A sweet sound tickles his ears, light and airy, like it could solve all of Maki’s problems in a blink of an eye.
Turns out, the sweet sound came from Harua. Maki looks at him and sees that he’s hunched over, giggling behind his hand. And when he finally lets it all out, he meets Maki in the middle.
“Ah, you’re just so…Maki,” Harua sighs. “What am I gonna do with you?”
His confusion must’ve reflected on his face because in the next second, Harua closes the distance between them. He feels it first before he sees it. A pair of soft lips covering his own. Maki stood frozen in shock, mind reeling from the quick turn of events.
Unfortunately, before he wills his body to respond, Harua was already pulling back. Smile so bright it could rival the sun donned his lips.
“Wha–Uh. Ich–Erm.Wh?”
Maki speaks four languages, yet none of them help him articulate his current thoughts and feelings. All of that knowledge, all those words, down the drain—along with his sanity.
At least Harua seems to find it funny.
His laugh is so infectious, Maki couldn’t help but join. It didn’t matter if it was hi who’s being laughed at. As long as it keeps Harua happy.
“Is that a yes?”
“Did you even ask a question?” a teasing glint danced in Harua’s eyes, clearly having the time of his life making Maki’s life harder.
“I like you Harua. A lot,” Maki says, confession now flowing a lot easier like water. “I think I might even be in love with you.”
In the span of a few seconds, Maki pictured a hundred different ways Harua might react to his confession—ranging from the best to the worst case scenarios. Yet out of all of them, the real reaction was something Maki failed to imagine.
“I know,” Harua whispers between them, like a secret. A secret with the surety of a long-held belief.
Maki, a little breathless, asks, “How?”
“You’re not exactly as subtle as you think.”
He then racks his brain for every interaction he has had with Harua since the dawn of time. It hits him right then and there. He was so late to his own party.
Maki groans in embarrassment, closing the small distance between them and hiding himself in the crook of Harua’s neck. Harua shakes slightly with laughter at Maki’s actions.
“Does everyone else know?” he mumbles on Harua’s shoulder.
“I think everyone but you knew, honey.”
Maki doesn’t know whether to focus on the newly unlocked pet name or the fact that his whole group knew of his feeling before he was even aware of it himself.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whines, giving Harua his best sad puppy eyes.
Harua falls for it and gives himself a kiss on the cheek before tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ears and gives it a scratch. He really is a dog.
“Well, I didn’t want to impose on you,” Harua explains patiently. “Plus, I wanted you to realize it yourself. In your own terms. And you did, which I'm very proud of.”
Maki thinks it over, flipping the thought around in his head like pancakes. Sure enough, he comes to the same conclusion: he would’ve hated it if someone had told him how he should feel. Things would’ve only gotten worse if Harua—or any of the members—had taken that path. He’s really glad everyone seems to know him well enough to just let him be, to let him figure things out in his own time.
They stood there for quite a while with their arms wrapped around each other, content in basking the peacefulness the beautiful spring night offers.
“How did you realize anyway?” Harua asks, tilting his head up to level his gaze with Maki.
Maki is transported back to twenty minutes ago. His brain going into overdrive, running a thousand miles per minute as the screws barely keeping it together comes loose as soon as the realization hits him: He had been harboring deep feeling for Harua for such a long time—all the while the other cooks a damn hotdog to perfection, just for him.
Maki has had enough embarrassing moments today, so he resorts to distraction tactics.
“I’ll tell you if you kiss me again,” Maki says with a smug smile. “Properly this time.”
Harua hits his chest lightly, “You are such a dork.”
That was the last word Maki’s mind registers before Harua wraps his arms behind his neck and pulls him down in a searing kiss. The first meet of their mouths were a little messy, the angle a little awkward, but it didn’t make it any less perfect in Maki’s standards as he felt Harua smile against his lips, letting him take the lead.
They broke apart after a while, something about them being humans and needing oxygen in their system, which Maki knows is natural but he thinks it’s so dumb right now when all he wants to do is kiss Harua senseless.
“Tell me now.”
“No. One more.”
Harua rolls his eyes but succumbs to Maki’s wishes anyway.
“Fine.”
This time, it was Maki who took the lead, wrapping his arm around Harua’s slender waist, bringing him even closer if that’s physically possible. He holds him so tight, thoughts of merging their beings into one slips into his mind. He wants to consume Harua in every way possible, to make up for the lost time he spent denying and ignoring his feelings when he could’ve been doing this instead.
Harua tilts his head to deepen the kiss, a low whine escaping his mouth and shooting straight through Maki’s veins. His insides feel like they’re on fire, boiling his blood hot just from kissing Harua. He would gladly melt into a puddle if it meant for them to never stop. He licks into the seam of Harua’s lips, asking for permission to explore deeper which Harua grants in a flash.
He doesn’t know how long they go on—it could have been years and Maki wouldn’t have noticed, completely entranced. He might be the one leading the kiss, but he’s still at Harua’s mercy, like a puppy trailing after its owner, kept in check by a leash.
Harua finally breaks them apart, both of them breathing heavily in the small space between them.
“I like you a lot too, Maki.”
The moon vanishes for a second as a cloud passes by, leaving them blanketed under its shadow. Giving them privacy for a couple of seconds, because not even the moon should be privy to the intimacy of it all. In that brief, quiet darkness, all that matters is the two of them.
“And I might be in love with you too.”