Work Text:
Winter 1941
"Hey Bucky...?"
"Yeah Stevie?"
"You know what sounds good right now? Ice cream. Ice cream sounds fucking great at the moment."
Bucky laughs running his hand through his hair then takes hold Steve's hand.
"Ya do realize it's winter right? It's snowing outside doll."
"Yeah but it does sound really good," Steve says pulling the covers up over his shoulders.
"Here you are saying you want ice cream but Stevie you're shiverin."
"It's hot buck but I take the covers off and it gets all chilly."
Bucky looks at Steve from where he's sitting next to their bed. "I'll take you to get ice cream in the summer how about that? But you gotta get better okay?"
Steve hums and nods a yes in response, to tired to speak.
"Buck?"
"Yeah doll?"
"It's fine if I sleep right?"
Bucky smiles, pulling Steve's hand to his lips kissing is knuckles. "Of course. I'll be here when you wake up."
'If he wakes up' he thinks to himself. Steve's flu has been getting worse by the hour. He prays that his best friend will pull through. He's been praying everyday since he got sick and tonight's no different as he watches Steve sleep.
Putting his head to is hands clasp together he recites a prayer he's been saying since he was little asking for protection and thanking God or who ever is in charge for what he has and for keeping Steve alive this long. He finishes and bows his head again, saying another. This one far more personal than the last.
"Mrs Rogers. Hey it's me Bucky. It's been a while." He exhales trying to get a little more relaxed
"I uh...I've been taking care of Steve best I can. It's hard sometimes but I love him so it makes it worth it. He's my best friend after all. "
Bucky sighs again ruffling his hair. He looks back over to Steve who's sweating in his sleep. Bucky wished they had more money because then he could take care of Steve properly. Then he wouldn't have to be so worried about weather or not Steve is gonna live to the next morning.
He goes back to his praying.
"Anyway Mrs Rogers, I i know you're up there in heaven watching over your boy and I and how much you love him I understand if you want him up there with you, I would too. That's why I'm asking you to talk to the big guy in the sky and see maybe if he could keep Stevie around a little longer. I'd be really grateful if you'd let me keep him around a bit longer. I know you wanna see your boy again and he'd make a great angel believe me. He has a real heart of gold."
"But I don't want him leave to just yet. Or ever. I'm selfish I know but I love him with all my heart. I know that that's not what you want for your boy and if you want to take him away from this sinner I understand. Mrs Rogers please hear me when I ask that you let me have him just a little longer. I love him so much," he chuckled a little after that.
"I realize I'm not what you probably had in mind for Steve and that it's a little more than odd that I've fallen head over heels for him, but I always want him close to me no matter what. If you do plan on bringing him up there with you, don't do it just yet. I promised him somethin sweet in the summer."
"Fuck," he was crying now, thinking about what life would be like with out Steve. To Bucky it wouldn't be worth living. Steve meant the world and so much more to him. He couldn't lose him. Not now. Not in a year. Not ever.
"M'am I hate to say this but I think if you took Steve away from me I'd try and follow him. 'Course if I did I'd still lose 'im because I know heaven ain't the place for me, but damn if I wouldn't try." He dried his eyes on the bit of blanket hanging off the cot.
Bucky looked over at Steve.
This could be it. This could be my last night with Stevie.
"Sorry for botherin you m'am, I'm sure you have better things to do than listen to the likes of me, but thank you for doin so."
Bucky looked back at Steve. He wanted to wake him just tell him how much he meant to him. How much he loved him. He hopes that one day in the future they could go out dancing together, as a couple. No double dates with girls to hide it either. Just him and Steve dancing together.
He leaned over to place a kiss to his forehead.
"I love you Stevie. I love you so much doll. I d-," he couldn't finish before he started crying again. He cried for a while. So many thoughts were running through his head. The thought of loosing his best friend. The light of his life. How he'd miss those bright blue eyes that look even brighter so early in the morning with the sun coming in through the bedroom window. He'd miss holding him close after a long day at work. He'd miss humming some song he had heard the radio on and trying to get him to dance, and when he did they'd dance for hours. He'd miss saving him when he picked fights in the back alleys of Brooklyn. He'd miss watching how his expression would change when he was drawing, his eyebrows knitting together when concentrating on the drawing in his lap. He'd miss kissing him awake in the mornings and he'd miss the way Steve's smile would light up the room making things a little less dismal in their dingy apartment. Bucky Barnes would miss Steve Rogers like a plant misses the sun.
"I love you too Buck."
Bucky nearly jumped out of his skin
"Holy shit Rogers don't do that!"
Steve just smiled leaning up and kissing him quickly.
Bucky sat down on the edge of the bed as Steve sat up.
"I didn't mean to wake ya."
"It's fine. So what were you about to say before?"
"Huh? Oh right. It's just you haven't been this sick in a while and th-the thought of losin you is kinda painful. I love you too much doll." The tears were welling up again.
"Buck don't cry. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm with you till the end of the line, and that's gonna be a damn long line if I have any say in it." He said as he wiped the tears from his best friend's eyes.
Steve coughed, hard and wet sounding, like there was fluid in his chest. That probably wasn't far from the truth. Bucky placed a hand to his forehead, pulling back quickly. His temperature had risen a considerable amount.
"Baby I'm gonna be right back okay?"
"Where are you going?"
"Outside. Just for a second. Gotta grab something."
"I don't know what you'da left out there but alright. Hurry back alright. It's cold out there and I don't need you sick too."
Bucky leaned over to kiss him quickly. "I'd never make you wait for anything babydoll." With that he was out of the room, into the kitchen to grab a towel. He rushed out the door into the cold to find a hunk of ice. Any thing to keep his Stevie comfortable.
• • •
It still be a while before he was as better as he could be and then the next bout of sickness would be upon them. But nothing would be as bad as this.
"Buck you look exhausted. You need sleep too ya know." Steve said, half buried under the blanket.
"I know."
Steve gave a gentle tug on Bucky's shirt implying that he wanted him to lay with him.
Bucky pulled his shirt off, tossing it across the room. He reached over Steve to turn off the lamp as he placed a kiss to his head tucking himself under the worn blanket.
"I love you Steve."
Steve rolled over to face Bucky, kissing his cheeks then his nose and finally his mouth. "I love you too Bucky. Now sleep."
The taller man wrapped his arms around Steve, pulling their bodies closer together. "Could say the same to you baby doll."
Steve rolled his eyes before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep with Bucky falling asleep close behind.
Things weren't easy going for them but that be damned if Bucky wasn't going to try.