Work Text:
"Please don't do this. Please. She'll be crushed." You say to your ex-boyfriend as you two stand by the wall of plaques in the SVU office where you had just started a few months ago.
'You think I don't know that? You think this is easy on me? I gotta take the job. You two need the money." He argues back at you.
"No, we don't. We'll be okay this month. If you could just stay tonight. Please. You can leave tomorrow."
He runs his hands over his short hair briskly. You look over to see if your coworkers heard you. They all turn immediately away and back to work, being more than obvious that they heard. "Please. She's on her way over here, the sitter is bringing her now. She's looked forward to it since you guys went last year. She put the dress on first thing this morning, I couldn't get her to take it off." You pull your phone out and show him the picture of your little one in her dress full of ruffles and swirls that she had picked out months ago for the daddy daughter dance.
You see your exes chin tremble. "Look, you aren't making this easy on me either, but the construction job starts tomorrow I have to go. It's good pay and I need it to take care of her. I'm doing the best I can."
You glance back over your shoulder and see Amanda, Sonny, Fin and Lieutenant Benson go back to work once again. You raise your hands at your ex to stop him and say quietly. "I know. I know you are doing the best you can, and you have no idea how much I appreciate everything you do for us." That was true, your ex loves your little girl so much and was always working to take care of her and was there for his weekends as much as he could be, only missing a few to get some overtime on his construction job. In the winter he would go to warmer places at times for better money and to keep working to support the daughter you shared. And that was what today was. Leaving to fly to Las Vegas for "a month, maybe two" he said. The pay was something he couldn't pass up. "But please. Stay. For her."
"I can't I have to go. I'm sorry." He says, arms crossed over his chest to let you know the matter is closed for discussion.
"You have to tell her then. I'm not telling her." You say coldly. The two of you always keep things civil and work hard to co-parent, but this was really pushing you. "I'm not breaking her heart."
"I'll tell her. That's why I'm here." His reply is just as sharp as yours.
As soon as the words are out of his mouth the elevator door opens and the daughter you share yells "DADDY!" And runs over to your ex and he picks her up.
"Hi princess." He says and the shakiness of his voice breaks your heart.
"Daddy you look so handsome are you ready? Don't I look pretty daddy?" She makes him put her down so she can twirl and you feel tears sting your eyes. Your ex is wearing jeans and flannel and work boots, clearly not going but your little girl only has eyes for him and thinks her dad always is handsome. He tells her that he can't go tonight that he has to go to work and her tears start immediately and it breaks your heart. You feel like you can't breathe. He asks for a hug and she pushes him away and runs into Lieutenant Benson's office to play with the toys.
"Sorry." He says to you, his voice choked and quiet, wiping at his eyes.
"I know." You say with a sad smile and rub his arm and give him a quick hug. Disappointed and hurt as you were, you knew this was not easy for him either. "Call me when you land, okay?" He nods, gives your hand a quick squeeze, and walks away.
You turn and see everyone pretending to work and Lieutenant Benson comes over to you, and before she can even say anything you start. "Lieutenant I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about this. I'll get her out of your office."
Olivia places a hand on your arm to quiet you. "It's okay. Why don't you go home for the day?" Her eyes are kind. "Take all the time you need until she's ready to come out. I can work out here."
"Thank you Lieutenant Benson. I will stay late Monday night." You begin and she cuts you off.
"Nonsense. Go."
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"Hey sweet pea." You say gently to the tiny shuddering back staring at the toys. She sits on her knees having not picked out any to play with yet. "You doing okay honey?" You sit on the floor with her. You try to touch her back and she jerks violently away.
"I hate daddy." She tells you, looking at you with those heartbreaker eyes of hers, as big and wet as puddles. They are your exes eyes and they are so beautiful.
"No you don't. We don't say 'hate'. Especially about daddy. He loves you so much. He had to go so he can take care of us sweetheart." She shakes her head and pulls at her dress. "No sweetie, you have to leave that on till we get home. I know it's no fun to wear your party dress when you're sad." She finally lets you scoop her up into your lap and you rub her back as she hugs your neck. "You wanna go home and have a girls night? We can put on our jammies and watch Frozen." She nods into your neck. "Okay sweetie. Let's stop at my desk and get my jacket and my purse then we will go."
*******************
You walk over to the desks and avoid looking at Sargent Dodds, afraid he will tell his father you were leaving early on a mandatory Saturday. You just need a few minutes to get your things and you are home free.
"Hey kiddo." Sargent Dodds says to your daughter and you see her at his desk. Oh no. You step that way to go get her and the Sargent gives you a look and you back off. "Can I get a high five from my pal?" He asks her and she lightly taps his hand. "Come on, you can do better than that!" She gives him her best five and he falls over in pain, shaking his stinging hand. You hear a little giggle and send up a thank you to heaven for Dodds playing with her and making her laugh. "You want some of my carrots?" He asks and she scrunches up her nose and shakes her head at his healthy snack.
"Carrots sarge?" Sonny jokes. "No wonder you're single" he says under his breath and Dodds chucks a carrot at him. "I know what she likes." Sonny says and your daughter runs to his desk to raid his candy stash. She's practically hopping now, hands braced on the edge of his desk and she bounces up and down. You have a seat at your desk and watch her charm your co-workers. They had met her several times before, your ex picking her up here before when you were off the clock, a halfway point between your apartments. "Ask your mother." Sonny says before letting her dig in and you smile and nod as he lets her pick out a sweet from his desk. When her little hands emerge with 6 sweets you remind her of her manners and tell her just take one. She stamps a foot and Sonny insists that its fine and you insist one is fine and they share a look that says moms just don't get it but Sonny tells her "mom knows best" and that makes you smile all over again. You remind her to thank Sonny and she does and hops over to Amanda's desk to pet the stuffed squirrel on it. Amanda bops it at her so it pretends to kiss her nose and they share a laugh. She shows Amanda the treat she picked out from Sonny, and Amanda tells her that she's jealous. Your daughter tries to give Amanda the candy, and she declines and tells her to keep it. She tells Amanda that Sonny has "a lot more" in his desk if she wants some and you smile to yourself as Amanda laughs. Your little one then invites herself over to Amanda's to see Frannie and Jessie and you start to tell her that is rude and we don't invite ourselves places and Amanda cuts you off telling you that Frannie and Jessie would really love that and that she would love to have a helper pet Frannie for her.
Amanda's phone rings which sends your little one on her way to Fin. That child of yours never knew a stranger in her life. She climbs into his chair as he stands behind it and she asks for a ride. He tells her she knows the rules that she has to hold on tight. She squeals in delight, eyes pinched tight gripping the arms of the chair as Fin slowly spins it. Your desk phone rings and you answer it as she lets out a squeal and a laugh, careening around the space as if she's so dizzy. Sonny, Dodds, and Rollins leave and they wave to you on their way out. Fin and Benson take boxes back down to the evidence locker and your daughter wanders over to the conference room where Barba is sitting with files all spread out. You hiss her name and she ignores you completely as you try to pretend you are listening to Chief Dodds on the line. You see Barba do a double take at her and hurriedly close files and turn over note pads and look irritably into the office space. You mouth the word "sorry" and "Dodds" make a "one moment" gesture with your hand and try not to let the earth swallow you whole.
**************************
"Hello." Barba says to this mini version of the newest staff member. A spitting image save for the eyes.
"What are you doing?"
He smooths his tie. "Well, I'm making case notes for a trial, reviewing evidence and preparing my strategy as well as my opening and closing arguments." He tells this Little Miss that climbs up into the chair next to him.
"You wanna draw a picture with me?" She asks him, eyeing the yellow legal pad. He can see her eyes have been red from crying. He looks out at the office again, empty except for the new girl. She looks like she's mortified.
He sighs heavily but the little girl takes no note. "Ok. What should we draw?" He asks her very seriously. His eyes go again to the new girl out in the desks and her hand covers her eyes every time she looks in the conference room.
"Frannie." The Little Miss pulls his attention back. "'Manda said I could come see her. I'm gonna help pet her." She tells him earnestly. "Do you like Frannie?"
"Uh. Sure." He says and pulls a page from his legal pad and gives her a pen. She instructs him to draw Frannie too, so they can see "who knows Frannie the best." That makes him laugh that she likes the dog so much. "You would win I think." He tells her. She shoves a paper at him and informs him to do his best, this little dynamo making him laugh all over again.
You practically run into the interrogation room just as the two of them have finished their art project and your daughter, apparently unimpressed with Barba's artistic abilities when he shows her his artwork, informs him "that's okay, next time you just try a little harder." That's what you always tell her, whenever she spills her drink or has an accident or forgets what number comes next. Barba laughs loud and heartily at that.
Your face flames. "Mr. Barba, I am so sorry. Sweetheart let's go."
"Chief Dodds finally done bending your ear?" He asks as your daughter still draws. "The only thing he likes more than the sound of his own voice is a rapt audience." Barba jokes with you to try to lighten the mood. You let out a quiet laugh at the truth of his words and you nod. Your daughter holds up her picture of Frannie and tells you she's going to leave it for Amanda once she signs it and you tell her okay and then you're leaving. "Where are you off to dressed so pretty?" Barba asks her and she starts to sniffle again and her face collapses. Barba's turn to look mortified.
You squat down and wrap her in a hug and wipe at her eyes. "Sweetheart, stop. We're going to go home and watch Frozen in our jammies okay? Now go leave your picture for Amanda." You say as she sniffles and pouts out of the room, tiny shoulders heaving.
"I said something wrong, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset her. I'm not very good with children." He confesses to you.
"No it's fine Mr. Barba, it's not you." You look over your shoulder and see her setting the picture of Frannie on Amanda's desk. "My ex-boyfriend, her father, was supposed to take her to the daddy daughter dance tonight, she's been looking forward to it for a whole year since the last time they went. He just cancelled on her twenty minutes ago and she's pretty upset about it." Mr. Barba just looks at you and you realize you may have said too much he didn't ask for all that info. You shake your hands loose of nerves. Barba realizes you're waiting for him to say something. To converse with you. This is the first time the two of you have really spoken on anything not related to work. He'd noticed you long before now, he'd noticed when you very first started. Always so quiet though, hiding in the background, but always writing notes, listening, and learning. He also thinks this is the first time he's spoken to you alone. Except he's not speaking, he's just sitting there. He's never at a loss for words, something will come to him to say. But the moment that could have been slips from you both, as you cannot wait through the uncomfortable silence any longer. He still just looks at you. "Anyway, thank you for sitting with her I am sorry, it won't happen again Mr. Barba."
"She was no trouble, I mean that. She's quite bright."
You beam under the compliment to your little girl. "Thank you." You give him a wave. "Enjoy the rest of your weekend." You stop in the doorway and turn. "Oh and you do just fine with children Mr. Barba." You had seen him one on one with children in his office once or twice. He really should give himself more credit. Your eyes glance down at the table at his legal pad. "But your Frannie could use a little work." You say tentatively, nervously trying to banter with the important man that you admire so very much.
It takes a moment for his face to break into a smile as he wonders for a second if he's being flirted with. He nods and concedes you are right with a laugh as he folds his drawing into a small square. "I'll just have to try a little harder." The says which gets a laugh from you. "You ladies enjoy your weekend as well."