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That night it rained quite heavily and the clock showed the end of his shift, the owner of the cafe had packed up his things and was preparing to close the cafe for the day.
“You really don’t need my help, Seohan?”
“It’s okay, the only thing left is to throw out the trash.” Do Seohan said as he lifted the trash bag from behind the counter
“Okay, I’ll leave the rest to you, don’t forget to lock the door!”
“Be careful on your way home, sir!”
Do Seohan opened his umbrella, walking to the back alley where the trash dump was located. The alley was dark because the only light was broken, Do Seohan threw the bag he was carrying, when he turned to go back he was surprised to find a silhouette of someone in the darkness from the corner of his eye, Do Seohan was quite weak against ghosts so he could feel his whole body shivering, he tried to calm down and look at the silhouette carefully, he was surprised to realize that the silhouette was someone he knew.
The person was crouching on one side of the alley with a dark gray jacket that disguised him with the darkness around him, not caring that the rain was wetting his clothes, he looked fragile like a big dog that was abandoned by its owner, just waiting for someone to pick him up.
"Junseo Hyung?"
Hearing his name being called, the person looked up, Do Seohan could see the bright black eyes that he used to know were now dim, he could feel the pain in his heart.
This afternoon, Do Seohan saw him appear at a press conference, again about a problem involving the STARDUST members, and here Ha Junseo, their leader, was the one who received the most impact. Do Seohan really wanted to curse the agency that made his beloved, innocent hyung give a statement about something that was not his fault.
Do Seohan tilted his umbrella towards Ha Junseo to shield him, protecting him from the rain.
“Seohan?”
“What are you doing here, what if someone recognizes you?”
“I’m fine…”
That’s it ‘I’m fine’ his hyung always said for everything he faced. Ha Junseo wasn’t the type to talk about his problems with you, and by the time you realized it, it was too late. Do Seohan sighed.
“Did you come here alone, Hyung? Where do you live, Hyung? I'll take you home.”
Do Seohan wondered if the distance between his old agency and the cafe where he worked part-time was that close? Recently he even bumped into Lee Junhyuk at his workplace, luckily the cafe was closed at that time and no one else but the owner of the cafe saw him, then threw this customer out for making a scene.
Ha Junseo didn't respond, just stared blankly at the ground. Do Seohan felt very angry seeing him, not at Ha Junseo but at the people who had made his Hyung like this and at himself. After giving up pursuing his dream of becoming an idol, Do Seohan distanced himself from his fellow trainees, only Ha Junseo, who still tried to contact him to ask how he was until now, although of course all their conversations were very awkward. Even though at that time his Hyung must have been in a bad position too, but he never forgot to contact him. Suddenly Do Seohan felt guilty.
Still not hearing his response, Do Seohan offered something else.
"Let's go to my place Hyung, it's not far from here."
"No need... I don't want to bother you, I'll go home now⸺"
Maybe because he stood up so suddenly Ha Junseo felt his vision blur and fell. Do Seohan caught him, at that time he could feel how thin Ha Junseo's body was in his hands, did he even eat properly?
“Hyung, are you okay?!”
“…yes I am”
His answer sounded so weak, even at a time like this he could still say he was okay, who was he kidding!!
Do Seohan couldn’t take it anymore, he lifted Ha Junseo and carried him inside, he laid him down gently on the sofa in the break room, rummaged through his locker to get a change of clothes, he handed them to Ha Junseo and told him to change his wet clothes first.
Do Seohan went out of the break room to the kitchen to see if there was anything he could make. Most of the stock in the coffee shop was coffee beans and powder, Do Seohan remembered that Ha Junseo liked espresso, he could even drink 8 shots at once, but it seemed like coffee wasn’t a good idea for a sick person. In the end he found a supply of chamomile tea while searching the cupboard and brewed it. He opened his phone to buy two servings of porridge via delivery service while waiting for the water to boil.
.
.
.
“Hyung, I’m coming in.”
Do Seohan knocked on the door, then entered while carrying a tray with two cups of tea, he gave one to Ha Junseo who had already changed his clothes, his Hyung used to be bigger than him, but now Do Seohan’s clothes looked quite loose on Ha Junseo’s body, the loose collar clearly showed his collarbone, Do Seohan felt very sad seeing how thin his Hyung was now. Eight years, huh. So much has changed in the past few years.
Ha Junseo took the cup that was given and thanked him.
They sat in silence, it was very awkward, Do Seohan wasn’t sure what to say either, he was actually curious as to why his Hyung ended up in that alley without an umbrella and only wearing a hoodie to cover his identity, but because Ha Junseo didn’t seem to want to talk, Do Seohan just quietly sipped his tea.
The sound of the ticking clock could be heard very clearly in their silence along with the sound of the rain that was faintly heard from outside. After Do Seohan thought they would continue to be silent and wanted to start a conversation, Ha Junseo started to speak
“Seohan, I… I’m thinking of retiring from the group.”
Hearing this, Do Seohan’s hand that was holding the cup trembled slightly. The group STARDUST used to be his dream, he auditioned and failed in the TOP 7 selection, ranked 8th and was eliminated, he felt angry at the STARDUST members who had wasted the great opportunity that had been given to them with all the scandals they did, and here, Ha Junseo, his gentle hyung endured all the pressure as the group leader, sometimes he even felt relieved that he had been eliminated, well it didn’t mean he threw away his dream of continuing to dance, even after resigning from being a trainee, performing on stage and dancing was still something fun for him. Thanks to his older brother who didn’t let him be down for too long.
“So that’s it…” Do Seohan was silent for a moment. “So… what are your plans after you retire, Hyung?”
“I don’t know… maybe I’ll go back to my parents’ house and start a new life”
Do Seohan vaguely remembered the appearance of Ha Junseo's parents when they held a family video message session during the audition eight years ago, he couldn't remember exactly but he remembered Ha Junseo looked a lot like his mother. Maybe his parents had seen the news today and offered him to come back home.
He glanced at Ha Junseo who was sitting beside him, his side profile was still handsome as before, only now his delicate face was paler with dark lines under his eyes. Seeing him again Ha Junseo looked like himself from eight years ago after he was eliminated from the audition, Do Seohan wanted to comfort him, just like what his brother did back then.
"Usually my parents would just comfort me, but this time they asked me if I wanted to come back, I could see how worried they were... my mind suddenly went blank, I wasn't sure what I should do if I retired from being an idol..."
Ha Junseo became a trainee through street casting that was usually done by agencies during his high school days, with the support of his parents from then on he began to pursue his career as an idol. He has everything to be an idol from his looks to his talents, even his gentle yet slightly odd charm adds to his fans’ appeal. It would be a shame if he were to retire from the entertainment world.
“But you know… I suddenly felt relieved after seeing you Seohan, now I think maybe I can also take another path in this life… I’m so happy to see you doing well after not seeing you for so long.”
Do Seohan chuckled softly “Well, it’s all thanks to my brother…” he recalled that day when his usually quiet brother suddenly took a firm action against him by telling him to go to university, at that time his younger self became annoyed and angry at him, only after time passed did Do Seohan begin to understand his brother’s actions a little.
“At that time I had just been eliminated from the STARDUST audition, I felt so frustrated and lost, that audition was the third audition I had participated in and I still failed… suddenly my brother came and asked me to immediately prepare for the university entrance exam, haha I was really angry at that time and yelled at him for not understanding my feelings…”
Do Seohan took a sip of his tea and continued.
“…but then he said to me, ‘Because you keep getting hurt, with the same expression like that.’”
Do Seohan looked at Ha Junseo as he said that, at the same time Ha Junseo also turned to him with a little surprise. Do Seohan smiled at him and held his Hyung's hand gently.
"You can choose another path Hyung, you can still be an idol if you still like it that much, there are many opportunities for you, just please don't hurt yourself any further..."
Ha Junseo held his hand back, both of them remained silent, only feeling the warmth of each other's hands, until Do Seohan's phone broke the silence.
"It seems like the food I ordered has arrived, let's eat, Hyung"
Do Seohan got up from his seat, when their hands was released, both of them felt empty. When he reached the door he heard Ha Junseo ask.
"What about you Seohan?" Don't you want to come back? His last sentence was stuck on the tip of his tongue, but Do Seohan understood what he meant, after that there were many similar types of auditions popping up but he didn’t think of joining any of them, maybe at that time his brother already knew that he was broken and lost his confidence and helped him get back up in another way.
“Me? I’m still dancing now, you know… if I had a second chance in this life I would try harder to debut with you, Hyung.”
.
.
.
Two years later.
[Did you see it?]
[Yes, it’s been two years since Ha Junseo retired from STARDUST]
[I heard he went back to his hometown]
[A friend of mine once saw someone who looked like Ha Junseo performing with a band at a cafe, when she came back she never saw him again, the cafe owner said that the man only stopped by and performed occasionally]
[Do you mean the cafe with the handsome part-time worker?]
[You’re right, do they know each other?]
[…]
Do Seohan read the posts that passed by on his social media while brushing his teeth in the morning, Ha Junseo's charm was indeed not easily ignored, the only person who didn’t realize his charm was himself, Do Seohan chuckled thinking about it “Junseo Hyung seems like he still has a lot to learn how to hide his identity.”
While Do Seohan was gargling, he could hear the sound of his apartment doorbell. He immediately went to open the door, only to sigh when he saw who it was.
“How many times do I have to tell you not to ring the doorbell, Hyung?”
The person just rubbed his cheeks shyly. Do Seohan found it cute and kissed his cheek.
“Welcome home, Hyung”
“I’m back” Ha Junseo replied with blushing cheeks.