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Fear and shame rotted the bones of Kojiro Nanjo during every first and last time.
Understanding his place in Kaoru’s life was impossible; most of the time he felt like a placeholder, the person who was there for practice, but not for love. Then there were those times when Kaoru would look at him like he hung the sun, moon, and stars, and Kojiro would question what Kaoru wanted from him once again. The shame of never having the courage to ask him to be more festered, but the fear of losing him if he made that jump prevented the words from coming out of his mouth.
Only one thing was certain—he was spun so tightly around Kaoru Sakurayashiki’s tiny finger, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Huh?” 15-year-old Kojiro’s heart pounded at his best friend's request.
“Just this once Koji, don’t you want to see what it’s like?” Kaoru leaned forward, eyes flashing down to his lips. Speechless, Kojiro leaned in, lightly brushing their lips together. “Is that all you got?” Kaoru challenged.
Everything went silent as he pulled Kaoru in, not knowing what to do or how to move his mouth, he let Kaoru lead. His mouth opened like he had been in the desert for two weeks, and Kojiro’s tongue was water. It turned sloppy and wet, left them confused, and both knew the taste of the other boy would be branded in their minds.
But they had decided that that was the last time.
When Kaoru took Kojiro behind a well hidden tree one night at S, sunk to his knees and wrapped candy pink lips around his cock, it was meant to only be that one time. But like clockwork, the boys ended up there every Saturday, experimenting to their heart’s content.
Each Saturday was the last time.
Italy was a night away for 18-year-old Kojiro, and when he slid into Kaoru’s wet heat for the first time, he watched as tears streamed down his face. Out of concern, he ceased his movement, and a stream turned into a waterfall.
“Don’t stop Koji, I need you inside me.” Kaoru rocked his hips upwards and wrapped his arms around Kojiro’s shoulders.
“Please don’t cry ‘Ru,” Kojiro cupped his face in his hand, heart melting into a puddle as Kaoru nuzzled into it. “I don’t want to remember our only time like this.”
“Please move,” Kaoru pleaded as if he were being strung up tomorrow. Kojiro pushed the rest of his length in slowly.
Their grunt of unity still plays in his head to this day. Face red and blotchy, tears staining his cheeks, hair sprawled out messily on the pillow, and face scrunched was how he would remember Kaoru, because he looked so beautiful like this. It was something only Kojiro had seen, and he wished to keep this version of Kaoru locked away from leering eyes.
In that moment Kaoru was truly his, if only for the night. He pulled Kojiro in tightly, and whispered his name like a prayer.
“Don’t leave me Koji,” he repeated, kissing bruises into his neck. “I need you right here.”
Muffled moans vibrated against his shoulder. He angled his hips to hit the spot that made Kaoru gasp. Kojiro held him close as Kaoru yelped out as he came undone. With his own orgasm shortly following, Kojiro went to pull out.
“No!” A panicked voice came from the man under him, his legs wrapping around his hips, “if this is the last and only time, cum inside me.”
Hiding his face in messy pink locks, inhaling Kaoru’s scent, Kojiro did just that. Releasing deep inside him as they both groaned.
Neither man wanted to move first. Both were terrified of the unknown future that starts the moment they untwine.
“I’m not going,” Kojiro said, still buried inside Kaoru.
“What?!” Kaoru pushed him up to look at his face.
“I’m not going, I can’t leave you, not after this,” he tilted Kaoru’s head up by his chin and kissed him.
“Kojiro, you have to go,” tears continued to pour out of his eyes.
Kojiro felt as if he had been smacked with an iron bar, “you were just begging me not to leave you, I-I can’t.” Tears began welling in his own eyes.
“Shh,” Kaoru cooed, pulling Kojiro’s forehead to his, “if you don’t go, you will regret it, and you’ll grow contemptuous of me, which would be dreadful. More dreadful than you being thousands of miles away from me.”
No arguments came to Kojiro’s mind, so instead he pulled out, both men wincing at the loss of contact.
That night, he held Kaoru for the last time.
🍵🌸
Two years later, Kojiro came back to Okinawa to visit. He phoned his old friend, and they went out to a bar and caught up. He hadn’t changed a bit compared to Kojiro, who had built ridiculous amounts of muscle during his two years in Italy. He looked like a dream, maybe better, with his lip piercing glittering in the light, new piercings that were evident under his tight black shirt, and the way he mesmerized Kojiro with his graceful stride.
“So you’ve been with him for how long?” Kojiro asked, sipping his scotch.
Sighing, Kaoru leaned his head against his hand, hair flowing seductively around his arm. “One year, it doesn’t seem that long though.”
Kojiro ignored the pain in his chest, “wow, I’m happy for you Kaoru,” he forced a smile, “I’ve got a girl back in Italy too.”
“Oh and what is this girl's name?” Kaoru smirked.
“Lucia,” Kojiro did his best to ignore the hand Kaoru placed on his leg, “she’s sweet, been seeing her for about 5 months now.”
“Oh that’s gotta be a record for a playboy like you,” Kaoru squeezed his thigh. Kojiro watched as the slender, pale hand moved higher on his jeans, before it went away somewhere in between friendly and too friendly. “I’m tired of the bar, want to come have a drink at my place?”
Like a moth to a flame, Kojiro agreed. Both of them pretended not to know what would happen. They were just two friends who wanted to catch up.
They sat on the couch, Kaoru had his feet tucked up under himself, and he twisted his body to look straight at Kojiro. Neither would’ve been able to tell anyone how it happened, but Kaoru’s head ended up in Kojiro’s lap, like it always did when they were teens.
Only this time, Kaoru’s eyes were glazed over as he gently rubbed his head on Kojiro’s crotch. It would take a saint to not get hard as he turned towards Kojiro’s stomach, mouth slowly inching towards the dick that was pressing against the jeans, begging Kaoru to release it.
Kojiro brought his hand to Kaoru’s cheek, his thumb rubbing his bottom lip. Kaoru opened his mouth, licking gently at it. The invitation Kojiro had been looking for. He slid his digit over Kaoru’s tongue and into his mouth.
Hollowed out cheeks and fuck me eyes threw Kojiro over the edge, he pulled on Kaoru’s jaw—the man got the message to sit up—and smashed his lips against a beautiful pink.
Kaoru’s tongue immediately met his own, a hand expertly unbuttoned Kojiro’s pants, pulling out his leaking cock. Kaoru threw his leg over Kojiro’s and took out his own prick. Kojiro pressed their dicks together with his hand, moaning at the friction he created.
“Fucking missed your hands,” Kaoru groaned, picking up Kojiro’s left hand and placing it on his head. Message received, Kojiro pulled on the spot he knew would make Kaoru squirm. Arching his back, Kaoru sighed, “Koji”
The nickname made Kojiro’s head swirl, he blamed it on the scotch, and suddenly he felt a pit of nervousness opening in his stomach. He closed his eyes as he released his grip on his hair and their cocks, “we shouldn’t be doing this Kaoru.” He had never cheated before, and while his body vibrated with need now, he knew the guilt and shame would eat him alive.
It was as if Kaoru’s body moved on its own, hips thrusting to find any stimulation, “I haven’t been able to get the memory of your dick out of my mind, it’s all I think about, no matter who I’m with, they’re never you, Koji.”
Hot knives stabbed Kojiro’s chest, knowing all his new lovers paled in comparison to Kaoru. He grabbed his hips, stalling them, “Kaoru…”
“Just once more, we never have to talk about it again,” Kaoru leaned forward and kissed his restraint away.
“Mhm,” Kojiro moaned into his mouth and pulled away, “take your fucking pants off,” in no time they were on the floor. Still straddling him, Kaoru’s hands worked on Kojiro’s shirt buttons while Kojiro’s fingers found his hole.
“When did you get so fucking big Koji,” Kaoru laughed, “you’re nothing but muscle.” His hands grasped Kojiro’s pecks.
“Do you have lube?” his finger circled Kaoru’s entrance. Kaoru leaned over to his coffee table, opened a box sitting on it and handed the lube to Kojiro. He put a generous amount on his fingers and slipped one inside, melting at the whimper Kaoru let out.
He stretched him out, his fingers remembering the place Kaoru taught him to hit when they were 17 in his bedroom. Kaoru put his hand on Kojiro’s forearm as he fingered him. Then he pulled his sweaty shirt off and leaned forwards, “suck.”
It was a simple command Kojiro never had a problem following. He licked his nipple, tongue excited by the new stimulus of the metal that went through it. Nipping and sucking until it was raw, soon enough Kaoru’s sounds let him know he was ready. He pulled away and held his dick still for Kaoru to slide onto it.
He looked like an angel, his pale skin illuminated by low orange lighting, wet pink lips matched the hair flowing down his left shoulder, so long it tickled the hand that Kojiro was resting on his waist. Golden eyes gazed into his as Kaoru sank down onto him. Chests rolling, their lips met as Kaoru adjusted to his length.
Then he started moving. Kojiro let out an embarrassing sound at the sensation. Kaoru moved away from his lips, hands resting on Kojiro’s chest as he bounced. Filthy sounds fell from his mouth, his pretty cock leaked pre-cum onto Kojiro’s stomach. Running his hand down Kojiro’s shoulder, he grabbed his wrist and lifted his hand to his head. Kojiro opened his palm allowing Kaoru to nuzzle into it, eyes closed. He pushed his thumb against breathtaking lips that opened for him immediately. Moving his tongue skillfully, as if he were sucking cock, he opened his eyes to meet Kojiro’s.
It took everything in him not to finish right then, watching his childhood best friend bounce on his cock with his thumb in his mouth was already too much. But Kaoru had that look in his eyes, the one that said “only you can make me feel this way.” It was a gleam that haunted Kojiro’s dearest fantasies.
Letting go of his thumb, Kaoru leaned back, his hands on Kojiro’s knees. “You’re so fucking big,” he slammed down, “I can see you from the outside.” Kojiro’s eyes left Kaoru’s ethereal face only to see a sight that would be burned in his mind’s eye for the rest of his life. The bulge that moved as Kaoru fucked himself on his dick. Kojiro slid his hand down the other man’s torso until it found that bump. He pressed down and Kaoru let out the most obscene noise of the night.
“Gonna fucking cum,” he gasped, “gonna cum on your dick.” Something snapped in Kojiro’s brain upon hearing this. He took Kaoru’s waist in both hands, and lifted him before pulling him back down. Kaoru went limp, “yes, yes, more, use me.”
The sounds got caught in Kaoru’s throat until he came with a loud moan. He clenched around Kojiro, who was relentless in chasing his own orgasm. “Fuck, Kaoru, you feel so good around me, so goddamn tight and warm.” A deep laugh fell out of Kaoru as his body was thrown around like a rag doll.
“Cum for me, Koji,” he pleaded. Kojiro’s hips started moving on their own, meeting the thrusts supplied by his arms. He pulled Kaoru down once more and screwed his eyes shut as he came inside him.
Kaoru’s head fell onto his shoulder. After he came down, Kojiro pulled his head up and kissed him with tender affection he never intended to give anyone else.
Kaoru lifted off him, giving Kojiro a show of his cum dripping out of his clenching hole. It was enough to make him hard again. “Let me eat you out,” he begged.
A smirk spread across Kaoru’s face as he got on all fours, let his head fall to the couch, and used his hands to spread his cheeks. Kojiro whimpered at the sight of his cum dripping down milky white thighs. Leaning forward, he lapped it off of them, following the drops to the source. He licked broadly over Kaoru’s hole, before pushing is tongue inside. The bitter salty taste excited him almost as much as the sounds coming out of Kaoru’s mouth.
He lifted a hand up to stroke his cock as he sucked and tongued his hole. Kaoru screamed as he came all over the couch, yelling even louder when Kojiro refused to stop his tongue and hand, overstimulating him to the point of uncontrollable shaking.
Kojiro’s new erection now begged for attention, “don’t fucking move.” Kaoru listened to his command, his ass still in the air. Positioning his cock, Kojiro slid right in, lube, cum, and spit made Kaoru’s hole, “so fucking wet for me baby, you’re doing so good.”
Red tinting spread over Kaoru’s neck as he buried his face in the couch cushions. Kojiro’s hand found his hair and he yanked him up, his back arching like a bow. “Don’t hide from me, wanna hear all the sounds you make.” Kaoru was finally in a state where he had no control over how his body moved or the sounds that came out of his mouth. The primal state that Kojiro loved so dearly.
Low growls fell out of his own mouth as he used Kaoru’s hair for leverage to fuck into him. He lifted Kaoru up so his back was against him, he grabbed his jaw and looked at him. Like the first time, tears fell down his face, which was red and blotchy, and he yelled out every time Kojiro hit his prostate.
“Cum for me one more time sweetheart, you look so gorgeous right now.” He wrapped his fingers around Kaoru’s cock, and jerked him off. The two men finished together, yelling out the other’s name.
They laid down on the messy couch, breathless and sweaty, holding each other as if they could fuse together. Kojiro pressed light kisses to Kaoru’s eyelids, making him sigh with contentment. “I miss you, Kojiro,” he nuzzled into his chest, “stay with me for the night.”
Jealousy began boiling in Kojiro’s chest, “what if your boyfriend comes over, you said he had a key.” It came out bitter and stiff.
“What if,” Kaoru had that lilt he always used to make something seem like it wasn’t that big a deal, “I’m probably breaking up with him anyway, it doesn’t matter, just stay, please.”
Kojiro closed his eyes as guilt spilled out of his pores, “okay, I’ll stay.”
Yelling voices and thrown objects woke Kojiro up the next morning. Putting his pants on quickly, he stepped out of the bedroom to find Kaoru on the floor, a fresh red bruise appearing on his brow line. He looked at the man who was seemingly responsible, and anger boiled inside him.
“God, I was so fucking stupid, a ‘childhood friend’? You’re nothing more than a common fucking whore, Kaoru.” Kojiro doesn’t know what happened next, all he knew was he had a bruised fist and the man was on the ground.
Kaoru jumped up screaming, “What the fuck is wrong with you, get the fuck out,” he cried as he slammed his fists into Kojiro’s chest.
“I can’t just let him speak to you like that Kaoru!” Kojiro grabbed Kaoru’s wrists to stop them from pounding him to death.
“Get out, it’s really none of your fucking business. You’re the one who left me here, just fuck off to Italy again, and stay out of my life!” The words hurt Kojiro’s chest more than Kaoru’s fists.
He left without another word.
🍵🌸
Life brought him back to Okinawa 6 years later, he opened a restaurant that started gaining popularity on the island, so he was doing pretty well financially. Word got around and people began bringing their business partners to the famous Sia La Luce.
His day started normally, he woke up early and went to the local market to buy fresh ingredients, he did his morning workout, then prepared for lunch service.
“Do we have any reservations?” he asked Mai, his sous-chef.
“Hayashi-Sama again, for two.” She answered.
“He’s here twice a week at this point,” Kojiro chuckled as he chopped tomatoes. “I wonder who he’s bringing today.”
Like always, Hayashi-Sama showed up ten minutes early and Kojiro went out to greet him and his guest.
“Good Afternoon Hayashi-Sama, welcome back,” Kojiro bowed.
“Nanjo-Kun! It’s good to see you again,” he gestured behind him.
And there he was, being introduced to him as if they’ve never met. His piercings were gone, and he was now sporting thin wire-framed glasses with eyes that widened slightly behind them. His pink locks still cascaded perfectly, and he remained the essence of elegance, wearing a blue kimono and holding a fan to match it. But he has matured, a serious man replaced the spot in Kojiro’s mind that a rebellious boy had once occupied. He hasn’t heard a word that Hayashi-Sama has said about him, but he knows him better than anyone else does, if only he could make his mouth move.
“It’s nice to meet you, Nanjo-San,” he bowed his head towards Kojiro, he kept an excellent poker face, pretending like this is his first time meeting the person he lost his virginity to.
“Likewise, Sakurayashiki-San,” Kojiro mirrored his movements.
“Sakurayashiki-Sensei!” Hayashi-Sama corrected, “he’s a calligrapher, top in his craft, I’m hoping to get a piece done for my daughter's wedding.”
“Oh you flatter me Hayashi-Sama,” Kaoru gave a fake grin, “shall we sit?”
“My mistake, Sakurayashiki-Sensei, let me show you to your table.” Kojiro walked them to their table and explained the specials of the day. They decided to take some time to think about it, and Kojiro went back to the kitchen, finally letting out a breath when he got there.
“You alright Chef?” Mai asked, “you look like you just saw a ghost.”
“I’m fine, prepare table 4’s order. I need to step outside for a second.” Kojiro headed out the back door. He leaned against the brick wall and sighed, he never told Kaoru he came back to the island. Guilt began to creep up his throat, new and old. He eventually got the courage to go back in and take their orders, and deliver them.
After they had finished, Kojiro brought out two pieces of tiramisu, “On the house, for Sakurayashiki-Sensei’s first visit, I hope to see you more often.” A peace offering, he prayed Kaoru would take it.
“You’re too kind, Nanjo-San,” a glint of Kaoru’s old mischievousness was behind his eyes, “how did you know tiramisu is one of my favorites?”
A smile spread across Kojiro’s lips, “lucky guess.”
Hayashi-Sama paid the bill, and the two left. Kojiro closed the restaurant for the afternoon to prepare for dinner. Then he heard someone opening the door. He stepped to the front.
“I’m afraid we’re closed, please come back in 2–“ He stopped when he saw Kaoru standing in the doorway.
“Nanjo Kojiro, you better have a good explanation for this,” Kaoru lifted his arms up, smiling, “I can’t believe you’ve been back for so long without telling me.”
“Well can you blame me oh great Sakurayashiki-Sensei?” A slight bitterness was on Kojiro’s tongue, “we didn’t exactly end on the right foot.”
“Oh whatever, that was six years ago. We were basically children.” Kaoru scoffed, “now pour me some wine, we have some catching up to do.”
“I have to get ready for the next shift…”
“I got it boss,” Mai’s head appeared, giving Kojiro a thumbs up, “go catch up.”
Kojiro sighed, “My apartment is upstairs, if you want to go there.”
“Lead the way.” Kaoru gestured, the sleeve of his kimono swooshing perfectly.
Kojiro unlocked his apartment and let Kaoru in. As soon as the door shut, Kaoru’s arms wrapped around his neck. He hugged him back, arms snaking around a familiar waist, nose taking in his flowery smell.
“You son of a bitch, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were here,” Kaoru was crying, he could hear it in his voice, “you idiotic gorilla.”
His head nestled into Kojiro’s chest. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”
“Well I did,” he sniffled, pulling away, “now I was promised wine and answers.”
The two of them caught up over wine and laughter. They settled right into the old rhythm they used to have, bickering and teasing the shit out of each other. Kaoru always had a knack for getting over their fights, apparently even ones that caused them to go radio silent on each other for six years.
He apologized for what happened the last time they saw each other, something he wouldn’t have done as a kid. Kojiro was glad to receive the apology, and returned it, but in reality, he was never mad at Kaoru, just hurt. Pride and shame stopped him from reaching out. He had always been the one to do so first as kids, but he knew he deserved better than what Kaoru had been giving him for so long.
They had both changed in many ways over the years, growing separately, but evidently, never completely apart.
“So why’d you move back?” Kaoru had already made himself at home on Kojiro’s couch.
Kojiro’s lips pressed into a thin line, seeing no point in lying, “well, I was engaged, and it got broken off, I couldn’t stand to be there anymore, so I came back home.”
“Shit Koji, I’m sorry,” Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek, “I’m painfully single right now if it helps; actually I’m married to calligraphy.” He let out a humorless laugh.
“I understand that, opening a business is not for the faint of heart.” Kojiro looked at his watch, “speaking of which, I have to go, dinner service is about to start.”
“Oh of course,” Kaoru stood up, straightening his kimono, “so when can I see you again?”
“I was planning on going to S this Saturday, I’m curious to see what it’s become in these eight years I’ve been gone.” Kojiro smiled, “maybe Cherry Blossom and Joe could make a reappearance together?”
“Not a bad idea Nanjo, I’ll meet you here Saturday night, we’ll go together,” the two men started down the stairs. They said their goodbyes and Kaoru headed out the front door.
“Hey Kaoru?” He turned around, his golden eyes softening at the sight of Kojiro, “it was nice to see you. You look great.”
Kaoru smirked, “eat your heart out, needy gorilla, I’ll see you on Saturday.”
And he was gone.
The two raced a beef on Saturday night for the first time since they were 18. Kojiro lost by 4 seconds. Kaoru now had to decide what his punishment would be.
“Meet me behind the tree, you know the one,” his hand glided over Kojiro’s shoulders as he whispered in his ear.
Kojiro’s skin prickled with delight. He slowly made his way to the tree, stopping when he saw two figures making out, one with fiery red hair and the other light blue, illuminated by the streetlight that was about a meter away.
“Ahh youth…looks like our old spot has been stolen,” Kojiro jumped as Kaoru appeared by his side. “Well, we’re adults, take me to your apartment instead, you have to be dealt your punishment.”
The playful tone of Kaoru’s voice made Kojiro’s heart pound like he was 16 again. “Well let’s go, Cherry Blossom.”
They made it into Kojiro’s apartment, “I’m gonna go shower, there’s an open wine in the fridge, help yourself to anything.”
Steam rose in the bathroom as Kojiro showered, his heart pounded at the idea of Kaoru being in his living room. He missed him dearly. He closed his eyes as he was reminded of the reason his fiancée left him.
“I don’t understand. I thought we were good, I’m happy with you!” Kojiro’s hand reached out towards her pink hair. It was swatted away.
“You look at me, and you see someone else,” Lucia said, “I can’t pretend anymore, Joe.”
“I’m not pretending, Lucia, plea—“
“I found his picture,” Kojiro’s heart stopped, “the one you keep tucked away in your nightstand, the one I’ve caught you looking at in the middle of the night while you thought I was sleeping countless times. The resemblance is uncanny.” Tears poured out of her eyes as a humorless laugh fell out of her mouth.
“Lucia,” Kojiro hung his head.
“You know what’s funny, is you’ve always had this… sadness in your eyes when you looked at me—since the first time you saw me, actually—and I just ignored it. Hoped it would go away,” she sniffled, taking the ring off her finger and setting it down on the kitchen counter. “I really do love you Kojiro, but I won’t be a replacement.”
“Don’t go, can’t we talk about this?” Kojiro walked towards her. “I love you.”
“You might love me, but if he were here, and you had to choose, what would you do?” Kojiro opened his mouth, but nothing came out, “exactly, don’t make someone else’s life miserable by wishing they were someone else. Just go be with that person.”
“I’m sorry Lucia,” tears brimmed his eyes.
She reached up and touched his cheek, “I’m sorry too.” And she was gone.
The bathroom door clicking open pulled Kojiro out of his thoughts.
“I need a shower too,” Kaoru pulled back the curtain and stepped in next to Kojiro, whose eyes were wide. “What? Like you’ve never seen it all before.”
Pink hair became a shade darker under the water, Kaoru ran his fingers through it, making sure it all got wet.
“Can I wash your hair?” Kojiro’s voice came out meek.
“Get shampoo in my eyes, and you die,” Kaoru turned around, letting him rub the suds into his scalp, he moaned as Kojiro’s fingers massaged deeply. Kaoru laughed, “someone’s getting excited.”
He reached his hand behind him, grabbing Kojiro’s hard dick. “Did you miss me this much?”
He said it as a joke, but Kojiro answered with complete sincerity, “I missed you more than you could ever imagine.”
Kaoru’s hand stalled, he dropped his penis and turned around to face him. He put his hands on Kojiro’s chest, “I missed you, I’ve been missing you for eight years, Kojiro.” His golden eyes peered into Kojiro’s, tears started forming there.
“Hey, don’t cry,” Kojiro smiled, kissing Kaoru through the stream of water from the shower head.
“I’m just happy you idiot,” he rolled his eyes, “okay, can we just finish showering and go?”
And they did, putting on useless pajamas and getting into Kojiro’s bed. Laying on their shoulders facing each other, Kojiro reached a hand out to push a strand of Kaoru’s hair back.
“You never told me what my punishment is for the beef,” Kojiro thought he might regret asking, but the excitement that came from what could happen outweighed that thought.
A cheeky glint appeared in Kaoru’s eyes. “Have you ever bottomed?”
Kojiro’s heart pounded, “what?! No!!”
“I wanna fuck you,” Kaoru sat up over Kojiro, “I’ve never fucked anyone before. It would be both of our first times.”
“Don’t you think you have enough of my firsts already?” Kojiro laughed nervously.
“I could never have enough of your firsts,” Kaoru leaned down, their lips centimeters away, “and I want to experience all of my firsts with you.”
Melting, Kojiro closed the gap between him and Kaoru. He tasted like home. “Okay, but go easy on me, sweetheart.”
“Never,” Kaoru’s low voice made Kojiro’s cock twitch. Kisses made their way down Kojiro’s body, until they found his dick. He let out a low groan as Kaoru mouthed him over his pajama shorts. He pulled off his shorts and boxers together. Kojiro’s cock smacked Kaoru’s face. The two laughed; genuine belly laughs, ones they only have with the person who is next to them. They calmed down and Kojiro watched as Kaoru took him into his mouth.
“I missed this,” he gathered his hair as the other man swallowed his cock down his throat.
Pulling off with a pop, Kaoru asked, “Do you have lube?”
Nervousness radiated throughout Kojiro’s being—was he really going to let Kaoru top him? Then again, if he was going to let anyone, it would be Kaoru. The nerves did what they had for years and twisted into excitement. He got the lube from his night stand and handed it to Kaoru.
Fingers started moving on the outside of his hole. That nauseating feeling of shame washed over his body. “Wait!” Kojiro moved so his shoulders were against the headboard.
“What’s wrong?” Kaoru stopped, “You really didn’t have to go along with it if you don’t want to do it.”
“It’s not that,” Kaoru’s brows furrowed, “it’s just, I can’t do this anymore Kaoru, not like this.”
“What do you mean?” His eyes widened and tears welled, “I don’t understand.”
“Fuck–no that’s not what I meant,” Kojiro sighed and wiped a tear off Kaoru’s cheek, “what I meant is, I can’t stay in this limbo of not knowing what I am to you.”
Biting the spot on his lip where the piercing used to sit, Kaoru remained silent.
“I can’t remember a moment of my life before I fell in love with you,” Kojiro’s voice broke, but he continued through it, “and I can’t stand not knowing what you think of me. Are you in love with me, or am I just… convenient?”
“How could you think that, Koji?” Tears fell freely down Kaoru’s face, “I’m sorry that I made you feel this way. It’s always been you, I’ve always loved you and I know I always will— believe me I’ve tried to get over you.”
“Me too,” Kojiro commented, they both laughed dryly.
“But it’s never worked, no matter who I’m with, or what I do,” Kaoru sat up, looking into Kojiro’s eyes, “every sign, every turn, every road, leads right back to you, you stupid gorilla.”
“How much easier would this have been if we could’ve just spoken like this as kids,” Kojiro shakes his head, letting out a slight laugh.
“It wouldn’t have been, we needed to be separated, I think,” Kaoru pressed his lips thin, “we had to become our own people, and now we are, we’re successful and independent; but please don’t leave me again, I think we’ve had enough separation to last a lifetime.”
“I wasn’t planning on it Pinky,” Kojiro smiled as he pulled Kaoru in for a kiss, “I’ve wanted you to be mine for so long.”
“I’ve been yours since that first kiss,” Kaoru sighed at the memory, “I meant it when I said I want to experience all of my firsts with you, and I want all my lasts to be with you too.”
No words came to Kojiro’s mind, so he simply kissed the man with all the fondness and devotion he’d held inside him for all these years. “I want to do this with you, you’re the only one I want to do any of this with.”
Kojiro leaned back and opened his legs for Kaoru to slide between them. A wet finger pressed into him, and he flinched at the foreign feeling.
“Relax,” Kaoru murmured, placing a kiss on his hip bone. Another finger slipped in and Kaoru curved them upwards. Pleasure coursed through Kojiro’s body, and he understood why Kaoru always begged for his fingers when they were younger.
His body relaxed enough to be fully stretched out, and Kaoru rubbed his cockhead against his entrance. “You ready?”
Nodding, Kojiro braced himself for the intrusion. Kaoru pushed in, and it only felt odd. His hips kept moving forward until he was fully slotted inside him. Kojiro breathed deeply as he adjusted to his dick.
“Are you alright?” Kaoru gingerly kissed his forehead, “can I move?”
“Please,” Kojiro’s body buzzed with exhilaration. Kaoru’s thrusts were torturously slow, “you can go faster, I’m okay.”
“No, I can’t, I almost came as soon as I slid in,” Kaoru laughed, throwing his head back “you’re so fucking tight, my god.”
Kaoru finally found a good pace, he grabbed Kojiro’s ankle and threw one leg over his shoulder. “You look so good like this, so perfect under me.”
Moans escaped Kojiro’s mouth, sounds he didn’t even know he could make filled the room once Kaoru slammed into his prostate.
A smile spread across Kaoru’s face, “got it,” and he was tenaciously hitting that spot with every thrust. Kojiro’s dick was leaking precum onto his stomach, pleasure coursed through every fiber of his being. Kaoru’s grunts as he worked his way in and out of him were already enough to drive him to the edge, so when a hand wrapped around his cock, he lost it.
Cum shot so far it hit his face, white stripes decorated his sun kissed skin. Chasing his own completion, Kaoru’s hips became erratic. “Can I, inside?” he asked.
“Yes, fuck yes ‘Ru, cum inside me,” Kojiro begged. Kaoru slammed forward and filled Kojiro up with a groan. The two sat like that for sometime, coming down and enjoying the feeling of being connected. Eventually, Kaoru pulled out, watching his cum slide out of Kojiro.
“Don’t look,” Kojiro whined, “it’s embarrassing.”
“This is the hottest thing I’ve seen in a long time,” the smile on Kaoru’s face showed he was telling the truth. “Makes me wanna fuck you over and over again until you’re completely full.”
Dick twitching at his words, Kojiro chuckled, “fuck Kaoru, I didn’t know it would feel that good! I understand why you like it so much now.”
“Exactly, so don’t get used to it, I still need you to be able to fuck me,” Kaoru joked, but Kojiro’s cock only heard the last two words.
“I’m gonna do that right now,” He sat up—feeling cum sliding out of him— and pushed Kaoru down, kissing his neck.
“Oh, and who said you could?” Kaoru teased, grabbing Kojiro’s ass with both hands.
Grabbing his already hard dick, Kojiro begged, “please princess? You look so gorgeous under me, need to see it,” he jerked Kaoru off as he bent down to lick his nipple.
“Only cause you asked nicely,” Kaoru sighed, “open me up like a good boy.” Kojiro slid down, pushing Kaoru’s legs up, his ass on full display. Kojiro left bites on his thighs and cheeks before lightly kissing Kaoru’s hole.
A squeak came out of the man under him as Kojiro’s tongue entered him. Hands twisted into his hair, making him moan as Kaoru pulled. He removed his mouth and replaced it with fingers, he squeezed lube over them and shoved two in immediately, making Kaoru yell out. Fingers persistently pressed on Kaoru’s prostate, making him forget the pain.
On his knees, Kojiro lifted Kaoru’s hips off the bed and pressed in quickly, barely giving him time to adjust to his length. He could feel cum flowing down his thighs as he fucked into Kaoru incessantly.
And there he was again—that red and blotchy face that was scrunched in pleasure, pink hair sprawled out on the pillow, tears streaming down his cheeks. How could someone remain so infinitely stunning while being completely ruined? This look was truly only Kojiro’s now, after all these years of yearning for it to be. He pushed Kaoru’s legs towards his head, folding him in half, kissing him harshly as Kaoru moaned into his mouth.
“I love you,” it came out like a breathless growl, but Kaoru still lifted a hand up to caress his cheek.
“I love you, Koji,” Kaoru smiled as tears fell onto the pillow and into his hair. He panted as his orgasm drew closer, hands gripping the sheets as he found his release.
Seeing Kaoru twitch and squirm under him from overstimulation made Kojiro follow quickly after him. His body almost gave out from the pleasure, so he pulled out quickly before he fell on top of Kaoru.
“Fuck, how are you so gorgeous?” Kojiro laughed, pressing his hands into his eyes, “I wouldn’t have been able to last longer no matter how hard I tried, not with your face staring up at me.”
“Whatever, I’ve seen the mess you make out of me,” Kaoru wiped his cheeks and let out a short chuckle, “I turn all red and my hair sticks up in weird places, it’s not exactly when I’m at my most attractive.”
“Yes it is,” Kojiro said with full authenticity, making Kaoru look at him, eyes sparkling with tears, “you don’t even know how amazing you look when you’re like that. It’s one of the most precious sights in the world, and it’s all mine.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Kaoru sniffled and burrowed his head into Kojiro’s bicep, “we both need to shower again, I gotta show you how to clean yourself out.”
“What?!” Kojiro looked at Kaoru only slightly horrified.
Kaoru simply stood up and held out his hand, “It was about time you learned the plight of the bottom.”
🍵🌸
Two years later, the men put on their suits after a trip to Thailand.
“Ready for one more first time, Nanjo?” Kaoru asks, straightening Kojiro’s bow tie.
“Yes, but this is our last time too,” Kojiro smiles, “promise?”
“That’s the whole point of marriage you idiotic gorilla,” Kaoru huffs, “I’m about to promise you that at the altar so let’s go, we’re gonna be late!”
Kojiro pulls Kaoru in for a kiss, wiggling his eyebrows as he does, “Well they can’t start without us, you know?”
Kaoru giggles as he smacks Joe’s chest, “we’ve got plenty of time for that after the wedding.”
“Yup, only the rest of our lives,” Kojiro Nanjo feels full and euphoric after leaving fear and shame in the past. Because the future held him, and he was breathtakingly perfect.