Chapter Text
If Koutarou thinks about it, really really thinks about it, it probably starts something like this:
"Thank you so much for taking the time to do this interview with us. Now for the last question, your fans wanted to know if you are currently dating anyone?“
"No.“
"Not…really, I guess?“
"Dating? Hm no I haven’t dated anyone in a really long time.“
"No dates for this one. Everyone! I’m still on the market.“
"But mostly…“
"To be honest…“
"Currently…“
"Just kidding…“
"I’m focusing on volleyball.“
-
"Finally!“, the door bursts open and in walks a man with blonde hair, heaving an exasperated sigh. Atsumu waltzes into the changing room and flops down onto one of the lounge chairs that the magazine has provided for them. He glances at the candy on the low coffee table, contemplates if he should take some for him and Samu and just as he’s about to lean forward and snatch some (read: half of the bowl) a head of orange hair bounces over to him and grins.
"What’s got you in such a bad mood?“, Hinata asks as he plops down on the chair beside Atsumu.
Atsumu contemplates answering 'you' and moving on, bu one, that would be a lie and two Hinata is the last person on earth who could be the reason for another human being’s foul mood.
Instead, he opts for a shrug and digs into the bowl, putting his favorite candy in one pocket and adding a few more of those disgusting coconut flavored candy bars that Osamu hates, in his other pocket.
He regards Hinata again, taking in his gleaming eyes and knows that a shrug won’t suffice. As he leans back in his chair (quite comfortable, maybe he’ll get one like this for himself too) he says: "'tis what- the fourth time? Fifth? That I've been asked about my datin' life in the last couple of months! And ya know what I have to answer every single time?“, he turns toward Hinata, eyes wide waiting for a nod from the shorter man before he continues his theatrics."Nah, I don’t have anyone, 'm focusin' on volleyball“
He throws his hands in the air and buries them behind his head.
"Ya know how lame I sound?!“, he wails, his bottom lip jutting out slightly, "People are gonna start thinkin' something’s wrong with me!“
Somewhere behind him he hears a scoff, "Everyone already knows there’s something wrong with you.“
He turns around and narrows his eyes at the figure sitting on the couch. Sakusa Kiyoomi sits with his leg crossed, phone dangling lazily in one hand while his other is busy scratching his head. He is not even looking at Atsumu, lower half of his face covered with a black mask (honestly, they have been teammates for a while now, Atsumu thought Sakusa had become accustomed to them by now and would have shed the mask), but Atsumu would bet his first born on the fact that Sakusa is smirking.
Because Atsumu is an adult now and has been team captain for all of this third year, he has matured immensely and therefore takes a deep breath before answering his favorite teammate. The answer comes in the form of a candy bar being thrown at Sakusa’s head and he lets out a small 'ouch' before glaring at the blond man.
"Now Omi, we both know that ain't true.“, Atsumu answers, smirking slightly, "Anyone would be lucky to be with me. I just think they're too intimidated by my greatness to take their chances.“
"Your confidence truly is inspiring.“, the black haired outside hitter replies, before returning to his phone (If Atsumu had to guess- not that he had to or that anyone would be interested but he still thinks what he has to say is important enough to be voiced so he doesn't really care- Sakusa is probably reading an article on how to clean your kitchen cabinets most efficiently, there is no other reason for him to look so serious)
Atsumu pouts harder at the lack of reaction, gives up on his hopes on Sakusa continuing their banter and turns his gaze again to the orange haired ray of sunshine.
"If it makes you feel any better, I also always have the same answer to the dating question.“, Hinata says and gives Atsumu’s knee three pats. Before he has any chance of continuing his mission of uplifting the setter the door opens once again and in walks the fourth pair of the puzzle that is called the MSBY youngsters.
Contrary to popular belief, Bokuto Koutaro is not as stupid as everyone in his closer circle seems to believe he is. This is why he almost immediately picks up on the mood in the changing room before his third 'HEY' has the chance to be swallowed wholly by the silence.
Ears slightly ringing, Atsumu’s gaze lands on the spiker’s face and upon seeing his more than energetic expression returns to the coffee table.
"Atsumu is mad that no one is dating him.“, Hinata says in lieu of a hello.
Atsumu jumps up at the accusation."SHO-KUN that’s not true!“, he squeaks as Koutaro starts to giggle.
Hinata jumps up and runs towards Koutaro before Atsumu has the chance to get to him.
Atsumu flares his hands dramatically and continues: "I just said that people are too intimidated to ask me on dates!“, he screams as he chases after Hinata, who in turn uses Koutaro as a human shield.
"OMI STOP LAUGHING“, Atsumu screeches as Hinata jumps effortlessly over the coffee table, forcing Atsumu to follow him towards the couch where Sakusa is sitting.
Koutaro stands by the door, taking in the scene, watches as Atsumu runs around the couch just as Hinata jumps over it, missing Sakusa’s head by a centimeter, which has the latter moving onto the armrest with a scornful look on his face.
"If it’s any consolation“, Koutaro starts and Atsumu wails even louder.
"NOT YOU TOO“, Koutaro laughs louder as Hinata materializes behind him.
"If it’s any consolation“, he tries again, "I also don’t have anyone.", he answers honestly as he is spun around by Hinata to shield him from Atsumu’s wrath.
The setter stops momentarily to look up into amber eyes and for a split second Koutaro sees tears glistering in Atsumu’s eyes, wondering if maybe he said the wrong thing. Then-
"oh my god“, Atsumu cries and flops back down into his chair, hands in his hair, looking as distressed as if someone just told him that Osamu had fallen on his face in the middle of his restaurant and he had not been there to witness it.
He groans once and buries his face in his hands. "People are not gonna support us anymore, Bokkun!“, he starts.
"I don’t really think they watch volleyball because of our romantic lives, Tsum-Tsum.“, Hinata chirps in a little helplessly. This time the orange haired man is caught off guard when Atsumu jumps up and starts yanking him left and right with an iron tight grip on his shirt.
"Ya don't understand Shoyo,“ he starts, "people are gonna think we’re FREAKS, they’re gonna think we're in some cult, havin' sworn celibacy for the whole of our time as professionals. They're gonna think we're only good because we don’t date! Shoyo! No one's ever gonna want to go out with us 'cause they think we hold blood rituals and gotta stay pure to maintain our abilities, and Mr. Virgin over there-“, he points over his shoulder towards a perplexed Sakusa, "is never gonna know pleasure and true unconditional love and yer going to whither like a flower in the heat and no one’s gonna ever own Bokkun’s beautiful body and I- and I!- God’s gift to humanity will become a waste and no child will ever bear my eyes, or my lips, or my beautiful beautiful hair-“
„It’s bleached and it’s ugly“, Sakusa points out.
"OMI SHUT YER TRAP CAN’T YA SEE THAT I’M DYIN'?“. Atsumu cries and then goes completely limp in the chair.
Carefully, as one would with a wild animal, Koutaro approaches him and pats his shoulder reassuringly.
"It’s going to be okay Tsum-Tsum, we still have time“, he tries.
What sounds suspiciously like a sob or a wail or any other sound an injured animal would make leaves Atsumu’s lips and he looks up at Koutaro through teary eyes.
"But it'll all go to waste. Who’s gonna love this body of yers Bokkun? Yer body, oh my god, no one'll ever be able to appreciate it in its entirety.“, he mumbles while Koutaro continues to pat his shoulder.
"What is this weird obsession with Bokuto’s body?“, they hear Sakusa mumble from his space on the couch.
"Wait, hold on, wait a damn minute.“, they all turn to see Hinata looking back at them, perplexed. He points an accusatory finger at Koutaro and gapes at him like a fish.
After a few moments of silence during which Hinata seems to have frozen over Sakusa’s "well?", paired with a perfectly arched eyebrow throws the sun-incarnated out of his reverie.
His finger still pointing towards Koutaro, he takes a few large steps, crossing most of the room before he stops in front of the spiker.
"You’re not single.“, he accuses. Koutaro's eyes widen slightly in surprise and he sees Atsumu lift his head questioningly.
"I’m not?“, he asks, surprise and bewilderment apparent in his voice. Had he somehow started dating someone without even realizing it? Had he told Hinata he was seeing someone even though he clearly wasn’t?
"Yes!“, the shorter man exclaims indignantly. He hears shuffling behind him and then looks over to see Sakusa plop into one of the chairs opposite of Atsumu, eyebrows raised expectantly.
"You and Akaashi-san!“, Hinata exclaims, stabbing his pointer finger into Koutaro's chest.
"What’s this got to do with 'Kaashi?“
"You’re dating!“, Hinata explains like it is the most logical thing to say. Koutaro feels his breath catch and his brain seems to short-circuit. Him and Akaashi dating? Why would they be dating? Why would Hinata even assume that? He swears he hears Sakusa mutter a quiet "right" before taking his phone out of his pocket and continuing reading something (Koutaro assumes it’s an article on his freaky wrists or his joints- Sakusa seems paranoid enough to always want to be updated about any progress regarding his condition).
Atsumu shoots out of his seat and rounds around his chair until he is standing face to face with Koutaro as well. He adds his pointer finger to Koutaro's chest and for a brief moment Koutaro wonders if he is going to get the beating of his life but then Atsumu starts stabbing him violently enough to make Koutaro jump back a few steps.
"Ow, that hurts.“
"Well, good.“, Atsumu remarks drily. "How can ya be like that, Bokkun I thought we were friends!“, he exclaims.
"Yeah, friends!“, Hinata parrots and joins Atsumu in taking steps towards Koutaro until he is at last cornered by the wall on one side and his teammates on the other.
"And now yer telling me that only Shoyo, me and Miss Virgin there-“, another finger pointed towards Sakusa.
"Stop fucking calling me that."
"Are made out to be the freaks on this team and ya and Kaashi-kun have been frolicking since high school? How could ya Bokkun?"
"Yes, how could you?“
Koutaro takes a deep breath, trying to assess the situation while simultaneously trying to escape the hole in his chest that Atsumu will most certainly leave if he continues poking him with his finger.
Atsumu seems to be in a rare form today because apparently he still has lots and lots to say as he settles his hands on his hips (finally, thank God!), takes a breath a starts anew:
"Now, Kaashi-kun has been gettin' all of ya, all of yer body for himself and me, Sho-kun and virginity incarnated are left all alo- OW THAT FUCKING HURT OMI“, Atsumu screams in response to getting a candy bar thrown at the back of his head.
"Good“, is the only response Sakusa seems to deem Atsumu worthy of, but before Atsumu can throw the damn candy bar right back (is this the same one he had thrown at Omi before?), he is interrupted by a steaming Koutaro flailing his arms in front of him.
"Akaashi and I are not dating!“, he nearly screams as he covers his ears with his hands, feeling the burning sensation underneath. Koutaro is certain he looks absolutely ridiculous, blushing so hard his face probably looks like it will melt off of his face any moment from now on. But what can he do? All this talk about Akaashi owning Koutaro's body, thoughts of Akaashi being his have made him all flustered.
He is pulled out of his momentary reverie when he hears "You’re not?“, and whips his head around to look at Hinata who in turn stares at him with wide eyes.
"NO!“, Koutaro winces slightly at the volume of his own voice.
Sakusa’s calm voice chirps up from his place in the chair, "I thought you had been dating since high school, to be honest.“
"Yeah, me too!“, Hinata says while his gaze returns to Koutaro's face "You and Akaashi-san were always together and Kuroo-san was always joking about how stupidly in love you were and you always laughed it off so I thought you just weren’t comfortable telling but you- you really aren’t?“
To Koutaro's horror Hinata sounds absolutely incredulous. He had hoped that maybe this all was an elaborate joke but apparently they all thought that he and Akaashi (beautiful Akaashi, my God!) have been lovers ever since high school!
Still, too perplexed by this sudden revelation, Koutaro only manages to nod dumbly.
Up down up down up down Akaashi and you up down up down up down lovers up down up down up down ‘Kaashi up ’Kaashi ’Kaashi Akaashi up down down down down
Koutaro startles when he feels something smack against his back and turns around to see a candy bar lying on the floor. When he looks up again he is met with three pairs of eyes, watching him.
Atsumu is the first to speak up.
"Oh Bokkun“, his stare turns apologetic, "'M so sorry, does he not want to or…?“, he trails off awkwardly.
"What?“
"Well, if it makes ya feel any better-“, Atsumu is on his feet again and pats Koutaro on his shoulder, an what Koutaro can only assume is supposed to be encouraging smile, but comes off as a grimace, on his face.
"I think yer a great guy. Just keep ya head up, king.“
"Yeah!“, Hinata chirps in excitedly, "You’ll get someone eventually!“
"Sho-kun’s right, I can’t imagine why Kaashi-kun would pass ya on, yer super cool and handsome, if I dare say so myself.“
"And funny!“
"And really good at volleyball!“
"And super smart.“
A snort from somewhere in the room.
"Now, Omi-Omi don’t be like that, we're tryin' to cheer our dear friend up!“
"Don’t worry, Bokuto-san“, it’s Hinata’s turn to pat his shoulder reassuringly, "Maybe Akaashi-san is just too shy or something!“
"oh-OH we can help ya Bokkun! There’s no way Kaashi-kun hasn’t realized what a great guy ya are.“, Atsumu exclaims, abandoning his place next to Koutaro to run up to Hinata and take both his hands into his.
"You think we could do that?“, Shoyo almost screams, jumping up and down, tagging Atsumu up and down with him.
"Yeah!“, the blonde haired setter exclaims, trying to keep up with Hinata’s excessive jumping."We’ll be like, the matchmakers of our team! You, me and Omi-"
"I’m not participating.“, comes the immediate reply.
Atsumu stops jumping momentarily, instead opting for craning his neck to better be able to send Sakusa his best pouty face and deathly stare combination (makes him look even more like he’s grimacing, if Koutaro's honest).
"Ya have to! Who’ll help me with Sho-kun and Tobio’s weird situationship once we sort Bokkun out?“
"I don’t care.“
"Hey, what’s Kageyama got to do with anything?“
Koutaro's been told several times that he sometimes tends to be quite slow on the uptake, and because Koutaro's an honest man and can admit that he sometimes needs a bit more time to process information than other people (nothing to be ashamed of, thank you very much), he is not really surprised that the situation only just now starts to dawn on him.
"Wait, hold on a second- you think I got rejected by ‘Kaashi?!“, Koutaro honestly doesn’t even know if he should feel offended that his teammates concluded that he’s the one who’s gotten rejected, or if he should be flattered that they thought (at least for a bit) that he actually could pull Akaashi.
"Akaashi didn’t reject me“, he clarifies, watching as Atsumu’s face takes on the look he gets whenever someone reminds him that Kageyama is in fact the best setter in Japan.
"Ya rejected Kaashi-kun? How dare ya, Bokkun!“, he cries angrily. Koutaro takes a step back, hands coming up in front of his chest.
"What, no!“
"You rejected Akaashi?“, Hinata continues, as if Koutaro had committed the greatest treason in the history of mankind.
"I didn’t!“, he tries once again, only to be interrupted a third time.
"Suprises me too, I mean Akaashi-san is a catch.“, Sakusa choses to murmur, just as Koutaro is about to explode into a million pieces. Can’t they let him talk through an entire sentence just once?
"I didn’t reject Akaashi and he didn’t reject me! We aren’t together and never were!“, he is ninety-seven percent sure the whole building can hear him, but at this point he really doesn’t care.
"Hm.“, Atsumu huffs as he puts one finger on his chin, contemplating.
"And why not?“
"Because I’m not in love with him!“, Koutaro continues screaming in the same tone, exasperation clearly apparent. If he were less emotionally drained he may have noticed the tension-filled silence a lot sooner, but as the things stand, he just continues to stare from one teammate to the other, wondering how on earth a simple interview question has led to this.
He turns to Hinata just in time to see the orange-haired spiker facepalm himself, then looks over to Sakusa, who’s watching him intently, one eye twitching comically. It is (as it always is) Atsumu who finally breaks the ice with a well timed cry of "Oh my God!“, while throwing both of his arms in the air.
"What? What is it?“, Koutaro asks, trying to think back on what was wrong with what he had said.
"Bokkun. I really really love ya. But yer so stupid.“, Atsumu murmurs as he falls back into his chair, leaving Koutaro utterly confused.
He looks back to Hinata, who simply shrugs sympathetically, then follows Atsumu’s lead.
Koutaro wants to protest, wants to demand to know what piece of vital information he has missed now. How come this whole theatre has gone on for so long and now that he’s finally said what he had to say everyone’s suddenly done with him?
He never gets the chance to voice his complaints, because before he knows it the door opens a third time, revealing a slim brown-haired women who pokes her head in hesitantly, then smiles slightly after having surveyed the room.
"We would be ready for the photoshoot now.“