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You can’t call yourself lucky if things always go wrong, but you can call yourself an idiot if sometimes the reason they go wrong is you. That’s why Tommy’s been calling himself all sorts of names in the past two weeks, regretting his last words to Buck.
Somehow, though, someone somewhere thought he deserved another chance. That’s the only explanation Tommy can give for what is happening right now as he pulls up to Buck’s place to drop him off after getting groceries.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?”
Tommy wants nothing more, but he is there. His so-called competition is staying at his ex’s house, and he can’t even complain because, yes, Buck is his ex. He made that happen.
“I appreciate you calling me, Evan. You have no idea how much this means to me, but I think it’s best if I just help you get the groceries in and call it a night.” I want to give you space, even if I hate it. I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I still don’t know why it was me who you called tonight.
Buck nods, and when the car stops, he opens the door to get out. Tommy clicks open the trunk, but a ringing on his phone stops him from getting out of the car.
The call is from someone at Harbor trying to get him to cover their shift, and while that happens, Buck is already heading inside, bags in hand, and through the side door that leads to the kitchen.
It takes Tommy less than five minutes to hang up, grab some of the bags, and walk toward the kitchen entrance, but he stops as he approaches when he senses the tone inside. It’s Eddie speaking.
“Can you blame us? Look how you’re acting now.”
“You really think I wouldn’t have been happy for you?”
“No. I know you wouldn’t be. You make it all about you. The trials and tribulations of Evan Buckley. A tragedy in ninety-seven acts.”
Tommy can’t believe what he’s hearing. Is that really what Diaz thinks of Evan? Evan, who would do anything for him.
“Sorry I’m sad that Bobby’s dead.”
“You’re not the only one that lost him.”
From outside, Tommy can hear commotion, and he knows it’s wrong to pry, but he can’t just interrupt, can he?
“Really? Cause you never ask what it was like. Waking up in the middle of the night to that news. Sitting alone in the dark. Trying to keep it together so I don’t scare the crap out of my kid. And when he woke up, I had to tell him another person he loved was dead.”
Why is Diaz being such a selfish jerk? Where does he get off talking to Evan like that?
Tommy has witnessed time and again how Buck puts everyone before himself, and for Eddie to act like Buck is the selfish one? It infuriates him, and the defeated tone in which Buck asks his next question breaks Tommy’s heart.
“You, uh, you don’t think I did everything I could to save him?”
“I don’t know, Buck. I wasn’t there.”
And that’s the last Tommy can take.
“Of course you weren’t there, Diaz!” He barges into the kitchen, all but throwing the groceries to the counter and getting all over Eddie’s space.
“You weren’t here because you left. You don’t get to talk to Evan like it’s his fault you weren’t here for Bobby, much less to insinuate he didn’t do enough.”
“This isn’t about you, Tommy. This is between me and Buck.”
“The fuck it isn’t! How dare you come in here accusing Evan of shit that wasn’t his fault?
“Have you asked him what it was like for him to be alone in the dark while Bobby died feet from him, without even being able to hug him? Have you asked Evan what it was like having to tell Athena she needed to come back into the lab because her husband wasn’t coming out?”
“Tommy, it’s ok—”
“It’s not ok, Evan!” Tommy interrupts, knowing Buck is just about to take the verbal abuse that he probably believes he deserves. “It’s not ok for him to come here and say you make everything about yourself, only to turn around and make it about him . He’s the one who left. If anyone is responsible for Diaz not being here for Bobby, that’s Diaz himself!”
Eddie’s so angry he sees red. “I left to be with my son, you condescending creep!” Eddie almost screams, trying —and failing— to match Tommy’s intensity.
“And tell me, Diaz, why did you have to go chasing your kid to another state? Oh, that’s right, because you cheated on a girlfriend Chris loved, with someone who looks just like his mother. That was another person Chris loved and lost. Did you think about that when you were cheating on Marisol?”
Tommy knows he’s using everything in his arsenal, but when it comes to Evan, he sees no reason, no logic.
“You’re really coming into my house and insulting me? You have some fucking nerves, Kinard!”
Before Tommy gets a chance to correct Eddie, Buck does so himself.
“ My house, Eddie. This is my place, not yours. You gave it up when you moved.”
“Buck I–” Eddie doesn’t finish—doesn’t know what to say. Most likely because he expected Buck to be on his side, but instead, Buck treated him like a guest.
“There are more bags in my car,” Tommy adds in a sour tone. “I’ll go get them.”
The second Tommy is out, Eddie is back in Buck's space. “Are you serious right now?”
“What?” Buck asks, looking everywhere but ahead.
“What? You know what! Are you really going to let your ex talk to me like that?”
“Eddie, I didn't let Tommy do anything. I didn’t even speak; you two did all the talking.”
“Yeah? Well, it sure sounded like you were taking his side. Is he staying the night? Is he going to stay here with you?”
“I don’t know, Eddie. So what if he does?”
“Buck, you heard him. He blamed me for my parents taking Chris from me for months!”
Aren’t you the one to blame, though? Buck thinks, because, of course, he’d never voice those thoughts. Not to his best friend.
“So?” Eddie asks, and Buck frowns, clearly taken off guard after ignoring whatever Eddie said last. “What are you going to do? I’m not staying here if he is.”
And in that moment, Buck gives up on trying to please everyone. He’s been trying to be everything for everyone, and yet somehow it’s not enough. Somehow, they see it as Buck making all about himself, so maybe it’s time Buck puts himself first.
“If you’re gonna make it about me having to choose between you and the love of my life, you’re going to lose every time, Eddie.”
××××××××
A shadow is all Tommy sees when Eddie storms out of the kitchen, sneering at him, before walking toward the front of the house.
He should go check that the man’s ok, but Tommy couldn’t care less if Eddie was alright or not. Not after hearing what Buck said.
“ If you’re gonna make it about me having to choose between you and the love of my life, you’re gonna lose every time .”
Tommy couldn’t believe the words he was hearing, yet he somehow knew they held what was also his truth. Evan Buckley is the love of his life.
Suddenly, he remembers a conversation that once ended as it shouldn’t.
“I’m not your last, I’m your first.”
“Well, hey, they-they can be the same thing.”
Yeah, maybe this time they can be.