Chapter Text
KTH ;; Florida 2000
"Eomma! Eomma, look at my hand, it burns! Why is it being this way?" A five year old cried to his mother, rubbing his eyes and putting out his right hand.
His mother crouched down with a fond smile on her face. It had been two weeks after his fifth birthday. 'it is about time.' She thought to herself. His mother lightly blew on the wrist that was forming a light burn like scar.
"I know it hurts Taehyung-ah, but trust me, it’s only for a few seconds." Taehyung whimpered, but within five minutes, the pain reseeded.
"What is this?" Taehyung asked rubbing his eyes. His mother smiled warmly and wiped his tears.
"You see these words on my wrist Taehyung?" His mother asked putting forward her own right hand, for the young boy to see a single word in Hangul, inked in black, on her wrist. Taehyung nodded.
"It's a tattoo for Appa."
His mother laughed, "That’s right. It's a soul mate mark."
"What's that?" The young boy asked curiously.
"This mark Taehyung-ah, will lead you to your soul mate. When you finally meet them, the person who will forever be by your side, it will turn black, like a tattoo."
"When will I meet them?" Taehyung asked his mouth forming an ‘o’ shape.
"When destiny leads you to them." She replied, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. "I will tell you another thing, Taehyung-ah, pay attention to this okay?" Taehyung nodded eagerly, wanting to know more about this ‘soul mate’ that his mother talked about.
"When you turn into a big boy and you and your soul mate will be 18 years old," Taehyung's eyes widened because 18? That's a BIG age! "Your bond with each other will grow stronger. And this bond, wherever you both will be, it will let you to feel each other's pain. That way, you know that they are out there. So you have to promise eomma that you won't let yourself get hurt, because if you hurt yourself, your soul mate will be in pain too. You don't want that do you?"
Taehyung shook his head vigorously. "What if they hurt themselves?"
"Then you will feel their pain. Not as bad as them, but you will. Don't worry though; once you meet them, nothing can hurt you, when you'll meet them, nothing in the world can bring you both down, because that’s how great it feels when your heartstrings conncet. But till then, you need to take care of yourself. Because that way you'll be taking care and protecting them too. You'll do that won't you love?"
Taehyung nodded happily, the pain of the soul mate mark long forgotten.
"I will!"
"Promise?" His mother asked, bringing out her pinky. Taehyung linked their fingers and gave a bright smile.
"I promise!"
*
Ohio 2015
Taehyung's legs trembled as he first dipped his legs one at a time into the cold bath, something clutched tightly in his right hand. He did not bother taking off his boxers.
His body was littered in bruises. He looked down at himself. His sides now had purple-red fresh bruises made by all the kicks he received from his classmates who had jumped him while he was walking back from his part time job. He touched his lip, busted from the punch his father had thrown him.
He sat down in the bath. The door was shut and he knew there wouldn't be any disturbances. He could peacefully end this all. He held the blade between his thumb and index finger. He looked at his soul mate mark, yet to turn black. He felt tears run down his cheeks.
"I am sorry Eomma," he choked out. "I am so sorry, I couldn't protect them." He thought of how much his soul mate would have had to suffer because of him. But this would be the end. They wouldn't have to feel his pain anymore. They wouldn't have to be tortured with him even if the pain wasn't as much.
Taehyung pressed the sharp end of the blade onto his wrist, making sure to press hard enough for the vein to cut open, right above his other scars. He began to draw down the blade vertically down his forearm. He bit down on his hurt lower lip, trying not to let out any sound. He watched the blood ooze out of the slit he had made. It had missed his soul mate mark with mere inches. Taehyung clenched his eyes shut, not because it stung so badly as he had after all cut his vein open, but because he wanted it to be over, as soon as possible. After all, Taehyung was no stranger to pain.
He looked at his slightly bloody feet in the water. His classmates had torn the clothes off him, stripping him down to his boxers after beating him up in the cold winter, leaving him to walk home in that state. On the way, he had stepped on a slightly sharp rock that had hurt his foot.
Taehyung sunk lower into the bathtub till the water was up till his neck. He left his hand limply hanging from the edge of the tub as his head started feeling woozy. He glanced up to see the blood dripping down to the tiles.
All of a sudden, he felt a strong pressure on his hand. He sat up with a dizzy hand to see hand prints forming on his bloody hand, as if someone was clenching on his wrist. A fresh wave of tears welled in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry.” He whispered to himself, hoping that his soul mate would forgive him. It shouldn’t be a big deal, he had convinced himself, more than 40% of the people on earth never got to meet their soul mates. So, it shouldn’t be a big deal. That’s what he had said to himself, all the days when he considered taking such a drastic step. But today, he had had enough. He realized what a pathetic life he was living. He couldn’t find a reason anymore, to keep breathing.
His head felt way lighter than before and he could hear the water dripping from the tap. He felt his eyes getting heavier and soon enough, it was all dark.
-+-
JJK ;; Florida 2015, same night
Jeongguk could feel the dull ache all over his body. He had told his mother that he felt sick to the stomach and came home early from school. The aching had stopped after a while, but he could see the red bruises that were painted along his sides.
Once evening fell, Jeongguk had been rudely awoken by the same dull ache, but this time all over his body. His held tightly on to his stomach, and groaned.
At that very moment his mother had decided to come into the room.
“Jeongguk-ah, are you okay?”
She looked deeply concerned, but he did not want to worry his mother by telling her that his soul mate was probably in danger. He himself felt very afraid. But it seemed like his soul mate got beaten up a lot, because this was not the first time he had felt this kind of pain from the other.
“Yeah, I think the burrito I ate yesterday was bad.” Jeongguk said with a grimace.
His mother nodded and said, “At least come down and have some soup. Don’t go to bed with an empty stomach.”
With that she left the room, closing the door behind her. Jeongguk sat up on bed and stretched his arms above his head, trying to get rid of this pain. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. After all, every afternoon after school ended he felt blows to his sides and stomach from his soul mate. And once in a while, he felt them at night. He was lucky that the bruises didn’t form anywhere where it was visible.
He narrowed it down to two things. Either his soul mate was some sort of a fighter or he was bullied. He hoped with all his heart for it to be the first one. But there was nothing than imagine the other’s situation since he had not met them yet. He promised himself that once he found his soul mate, he would protect them with all he had. If he met them.
Jeongguk gets off the bed and walks downstairs to the dining area. His parents were already eating, in a deep conversation about the upcoming elections.
“Thank you for the meal.” He said, before picking up the spoon and dipping it into the warm soup.
As Jeongguk was about to put his spoon into his mouth, he felt a stinging pain on his jaw. His spoon clattered down on the ground as it slipped from his hand.
He hissed, clutching the jaw. He had not received any sort blows of pain at night from his soul mate in the last two months since he turned eighteen.
“Are you okay son?” His father asked. “Oh, there’s blood on your lip!”
Jeongguk touched his lip to find it bleeding. For some strange reason he felt his heart racing faster. What was his soul mate doing?
“Ah, I think my soul mate might have gotten into some kind of a fight!” Jeongguk said casually, tutting.
“Oh no, I hope it is not too serious.” His mother said, her eyebrows furrowing. His parents had always been worried about him because while growing up he had not been the healthiest child. So he knew that he could not let his parents know about his soul mate’s possible condition.
“It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that much.”
“Of course it would not.” His father chuckled. “But it would hurt quite a bit for your soul mate. Come to think of it, they may be male.”
Jeongguk had thought of this before. He was not trying to be sexist, but he just had an inkling that his soul mate would be a guy. He had always been more interested in boys than girls.
“I thought so too. I’ll go get another spoon.”
For the rest of the mealtime, Jeongguk did not feel any pain. He silently thanked God and hoped that his soul mate was not too injured.
He manages to eat a bowl of rice as well. He chewed slowly, with many muddled thoughts in his mind, unable to think clearly.
He stood up and began clearing the table, which was his alternative-day chore…to clear the plates after dinner and put the dishes into the dishwasher.
He scraped the food remains from the plates and loads the dishwasher. He started walking up the stairs to his room, but all of a sudden, he felt his heart race and felt his body going weak. He collapsed on his feet at the bottom of the stairs, holding on to the railing. He feels a sharp, stinging pain, unlike any before on his left hand. He felt himself panicking. He looked down on his hand to see a deep red cut forming on his forearm. He breathed deeply.
“No, no, no” He muttered. “Please, god, no.”
His mother heard the commotion and entered the hallway.
“What is it- Jeongguk! Oh my god, what happened?” She exclaimed, running to her son, who was staring down at his hand. When she went closer, she saw that he was staring at the blood dripping down from his left hand in a vertical cut.
“What-“ Her eyes widened as it hit her. His soul mate.
“Ma, ma what is this, make it stop!” Jeongguk said in a desperate voice looking up at her. It made her think back at the time when he was five and had got his soul mate mark for the first time.
Jeongguk clenched onto his forearm to make the blood stop, he couldn’t wrap his mind around it, what was happening?
His ears were ringing and his head felt lighter by the second.
“Why is he doing this?” He croaked out, before he felt his head hitting the soft carpet on the floor. He felt his mother’s warm yet panicked hands on his face and the last thing he heard before passing out is his mother calling out to his father.
*
When Jeongguk opened his eyes, he was on a hospital bed. His mother who had been sitting beside his bed immediately stands up, letting out a shriek of relief. She kissed his forehead and went out to let his father and the doctor know.
He looked down on his hand, which now had a long red mark down his forearm, he really wished this wasn’t what he was thinking it to be. He felt a strange deadweight in his stomach, he did not want to be negative but his mind kept on repeating the same thing over and over.
Did he really try to kill himself? Did he die?
Soon enough his thoughts were interrupted when the room was entered by his father and a tall man in the white doctor’s coat.
“Good evening Jeongguk, how are you feeling?”
“A little strange.” He mumbled, sitting up.
“That’s bound to be so. Do you remember what happened?” The doctor asked. He looked at his mother and father, both of them had wary looks on their faces which made him nervous.
“My soul mate…” He started. The doctor gave him a sad smile.
“What is it? Did he die? But I didn’t feel the tormenting pain that you are supposed to feel. He didn’t die, right?” Jeongguk let the desperation leak into his voice.
“We can’t tell for sure. Before you could feel any sort of pain other than that of the cut that appeared on your left hand, your body passed out from shock of the whole situation. There is a 75% chance that your soul mate might have passed away. It looks like suicide." The doctor replied.
“But there is still a 25% chance for him to be alive, right?” Jeongguk asked in a cracked voice, he felt tears wet his cheeks. He didn’t want to believe this.
Why was this happening to him?
“Cases like these are not rare, but the chances for the soul mate to be alive… they are very less. I am sorry.”
The doctor left the room with his father who went to pay the bills, after ruffling his hair, sadly.
Jeongguk sat still on the bed, tears rolled down his cheeks, unable to make a sound. His mother put a soothing hand on his shoulder.
“We can get through this, Jeongguk-ah.” She said, in a shaky voice. He turned towards his mother, whose eyes were glossy.
“He died, Ma.” He choked out, sobs finally erupting in his chest. “He died!” He wailed, as she took her miserable son into her arms.
“It’s fate, Jeongguk. Maybe it’s for the best.” She whispered sadly.
Jeongguk just hugged her, and let his sorrow overtake him.
From the day he got his soul mate mark, he had been looking forward to meet his other half, whether it would be romantic or platonic, he hadn’t cared, he just really wanted to meet them. But being told, that his soul mate had done what was not only selfish but which also left a void in Jeongguk’s chest, it made his heart break into a million pieces, which could never possibly be put together.