Archive of Our Own

An everlasting dreamboat. A living and breathing representation of solace. Skin like the softest of knitted sweaters. A burst of purple akin to royals. Like the calming crash of waves against weathered rocks. That wonder in one’s eye when the first of fireworks explode in the sky. Overwhelmingly vanilla. A hint of musk. Something that someone can easily get addicted to, eyes rolling to the back of their head. When spring comes and the petals start to dance along with the wind, their stage is the dirt ground. Whistling, birds singing, and the presence of his only love.

Serendipity. 

Luca smiles to himself, shaking his head.

‘God, I sound like a poet.’, He thinks.

Luca’s heart swells at the mere thought of Shu. His childhood friend, his first for many things, his forever.

His.

Oh, how nice it is to be in love.

The electric kettle makes that familiar sound, cutting Luca’s morning daze. His cup is ready with three spoonfuls of coffee grounds sitting on the bottom. He yawns, eyes blinking slowly as he pours hot water in his mug.

A glorious scent fills his nose, easing his tense posture as that internationally loved smell of coffee surrounds the room. Soft clinks of his teaspoon hit the glass mug, the sunlight piercing through the kitchen window. Luca sighs at the atmosphere, relaxing on the stool he’s on.

His eyes settle on the variety of pastries that are kept fresh (or so he thinks) under the see-through plastic display. If he remembers correctly, it was from a day ago, after a quick bakery run when Shu texted him the exact words;

“Need bread. ASAP.”

With a history in track, best believe Luca sprinted out of the university gym to get what his lover needs, leaving his coach dumbfounded in his place as he was spotting Luca in lifting weights.

Sure, he got scolded for suddenly acting like he’s The Flash, but it was all worth it when he saw Shu’s face light up with the full and heavy paper bag in his hand. His table in the library was occupied with lots and lots of sketches, three empty bottles of iced coffee and a fourth one half-full. Luca got a reward of sweet, quick pecks all over his left cheek and lips, and a bonus of whispered praises. 

Definitely worth it.

Shu eats whatever for breakfast and so does Luca, but as the greatest boyfriend anyone could ever have, he has a reputation to keep and fulfill.

“French toast would be nice,” He mutters under his breath. The coffee slowly hits his system, undergoing a reset but now with a vigor to finish his backlogs. 

Right, he’s got that one paper that needs to be done by tomorrow night, and also that module… else he would actually flunk this semester if he doesn’t get his shit together. Don’t get Luca wrong, he’s not usually this slow and behind in doing his academic stuff, but his training has been hectic lately. 

Emphasis on hectic.

An engineering student with a dream of being one of the world’s best pole vaulters, if not the best.

If you think about it, it makes sense. Pole vaulting involves physics, something he’s very familiar with. Luca can practically see the calculations he needs to do to make that jump. Count the factors such as gravity, his mass, the pole’s mass, and the weather’s condition. Besides his athletic prowess, Luca just wants that thrill. He loves the excitement, the risk, the accomplishment, and just the feeling of being so high up in the air.

A match made in heaven.

It’s freeing, even in such a short amount of time. When he lands, he’s taken back to reality. Then his coach comes running at him, yelling incoherency with the biggest smile on his face as Luca tries to put two and two together.

His parents told him to follow his heart, and that he did. Juggling this life is a task one would most probably sit out from being a part of. It’s busy, demanding, and a challenge. 

Thankful for the stars above, he’s got someone he can lean on to.

A hand makes its way from his nape to his hair, fingers softly entwining with the blond locks, gently giving his scalp a massage. Luca sighs, instantly relaxing on the familiar touch, one he can recognize anywhere, anytime.

“Hey,” Shu yawns from behind him, leaning his cheek on top of Luca’s head. He grumbles, “I woke up without my heated body pillow beside me.”

The latter chuckles, setting his mug down on the table. His tattooed arm snakes around Shu’s waist, pulling him closer and taking a huge whiff of his lover’s natural scent through the small sight of his exposed tummy. They bask in each other’s presence and the quietness.

Luca effortlessly sits Shu on his lap, the ravenette easing into his usual spot. A pattern ever so common, but still manages to give both of them butterflies. Shu yawns once more, eyes blinking as his vision adjusts to the sunlight piercing through the brown-stained windows of their rented apartment. Judging by the radiance, they probably have an hour or two to get ready for another day in hellish university.

For now, it’s warm and comfortable. Shu knows if he stays any longer in this position, he would fall asleep at the steady heartbeats of his favorite person. He’s ready for that though—if it means he would have to miss his exams and classes, so be it. It’s all an ache to his head anyway, and being in Luca’s arms is better than college.

“I have to make you breakfast,” Luca asks, burying his nose on Shu’s head. The latter can feel the self-proclaimed “genius nose” searching for that scent he likes. Shu has no idea what it is, but he lets him. He pats his thigh, unknowingly lulling Shu even further to sleep. “Is French toast alright with you?”

Shu hums. “I eat everything you cook for me.”

The sound of Luca’s deep chortles vibrates through his chest, blanketing him in comfort as it always does. Shu holds onto the man’s shirt with a firm grip, smiling at their early shenanigans.

“You have to stand up then,” Luca teases. “Else you want to cling onto me like a koala?”

“Can I?” Shu immediately asks, looking up at Luca with sparkling eyes and fluttering lashes.

Luca raises an eyebrow. “I mean, you can. You’re pretty much as heavy as a feather.” He grins, admiring Shu’s beauty. “Gonna peek at me cooking like a curious cat?”

“I’ll just observe.” Shu mutters, pulling off lint from the man’s 5-year old sweater.

He gets hauled easily, Shu yelping at the sudden change but adjusts to clamp himself on Luca’s back, his arms and legs caging his built boyfriend like an actual koala. Luca doesn’t even say a word, and proceeds to get what he needs to make Shu’s French toast.

“Let me know when to pick you up, okay?” Luca squeezes his hand, a lost puppy look on his face as they stop in front of Shu’s first class. “Good luck on your exam!”

Shu smiles, a faint red spread across his cheeks. He fixes Luca’s bangs with a free hand, still in awe with how handsome his lover is. “Thanks, good luck on your training!”

The blond presents his left cheek, and Shu rolls his eyes but gives in to the cute gesture. Luca offers his right cheek, and Shu plants one more kiss on the supple skin. Finally, he scoots closer and Shu, who’s now blushing hard, hesitates for a second. Luca smirks, letting go of Shu’s hand to grab him by the nape, and with a Physics book covering them from the other students walking by, he slots his lips perfectly with Shu’s.

It was quick, but extremely dangerous for Shu’s heart. He could hear the beats ringing in his ears, so clear and loud that he could probably sing along. Luca pulls away with a shit-eating grin and an equivalent tint of crimson across those cheeks that Shu desperately wants to pinch. Worst part (not really) is, Shu can’t even be mad at him.

How could he?

“I love you.” Luca whispers.

Aw, frick.

“I love you,” Shu whispers back. 

His fangs appear. The ravenette cries inside.

Luca leaves him a soft pat on the head before turning around to hurry along to the university gym. Shu watches him until he disappears from his sight, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down before entering his first class of the day. He beelines to where his best friend Uki is sitting, who’s already typing away in his laptop.

“I hate it here,” Uki mutters, dark circles under his eyes supporting his statement. “Have you finished your final draft for that office space project?”

“I’m almost done with it, I just need to render it.” Shu sighs, pulling out his laptop from his bag, getting to work. “You?”

“Bitch, I’m dying. It’s not even finals yet.” Uki deadpans, a dry laugh escaping his lips. “Why did I pick interior design again?”

Shu chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. “We made a promise to use this degree to build a home with our partners.”

Uki scoffs, but a fond smile appears on his face. It’s clear that Fulgur appeared in his mind. “What a cheesy ass promise. It better happen.”

The ravenette nods, grinning. His laptop opens, the wallpaper is a photo of Luca and his dog playing on the beach. It reminds him of why he is where he is today.

Shu knows that the world follows a systematic pattern. School, work, retirement. It was expected of him, especially growing up in a household full of professionals. Shu has aspired to be one ever since his mind had started to develop and understand. 

That meant him being a top, excellent student at a young age, with awards and trophies decorating his room. It was fulfilling, as his family couldn’t have been more proud of what he has achieved so early in his life. Despite the academic responsibilities he has, Shu never forgot to socialize and have friends. Building connections is important for his future, but also for his own needs. 

It’s about finding the balance. That sweet spot between responsibility and development. Something that most adults probably have a hard time maintaining these days.

Luca came in like a rushing tumbleweed in the life that is Shu’s quiet desert. A typical trope found in young adult novels and movies—childhood best friends since elementary, who became lovers before college.  Luca, a man who loves him wholeheartedly, a man with a dream, a man with ambition. He’s not just an ordinary man, but Shu’s. He could never properly express how lucky he is to have him by his side, and he knows Luca shares the same sentiments.

Everything they do is for the both of them. They breathe for each other, they live for each other. There is no other option in this story of theirs—two bodies and two hearts.

The software opens, and seeing his almost finished project makes want to bash his head against the table. It was a pain to think of “sustainable” and “welcoming” designs for an office space when all existing designs others made for the said topic look the same–lifeless and cage-like. He doesn’t know what would have happen to him if Luca didn’t bring him whatever he asked for during the many all-nighters he did for this project. He probably would have lost his mind.

The door opening puts them out of their trance, and that annoying voice from their professor make Shu and Uki roll their eyes and sigh heavily. 

Another hellish day to deal with.

A heavy thud echoes in the fairly occupied gym, with Luca catching his breath as he vaulted for the tenth time this hour. His pole hits the wooden floors of the gym, with Luca trying to come back to his senses in an instant. Footsteps of his coach ring in his ears as he comes up to him, giving him a hand to get him up.

Groans escape his lips, the muscular man still has that strength to pull up a growing boy like Luca. He pats his back as he does. “As usual, you’re doing great. Although you were a bit slow in the beginning.” His coach remarks, looking him in the eye. “What was your breakfast this morning?”

Luca nervously chuckles, shaking his head. “Y’know, just… some bread and butter.”

His longtime coach raises an eyebrow, but sighs. “I don’t need to tell you what to do, you don’t need my nagging.”

The blond grins, saluting. “I gotcha, coach.”

“Yeah, yeah.” The man grumbles, turning around to get back to his bench and write whatever he needs on his clipboard.

Luca picks up his pole and jogs to a bench where the bag to store it sits there. He chugs the entirety of his water bottle, regaining his composure. After every training, he usually lazes around for a bit before showering to pick up Shu. It’s only ten past five in the afternoon, and he’s sure his lover is nowhere near done with his classes.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Sonny comes up from the other side of the court, giving him a nod. Luca raises a hand, screwing the top of his bottle. “I heard the regional competitions are going to be announced soon.”

“Ugh, tell me about it.” Luca sighs, sitting down on the bench. “Coach hasn’t said a thing, but with the way he’s been pushing me these past few weeks, I already know.”

The latter joins him. “Yeah, I’ve been encouraging the team to really give it their all. I don’t know why they hide the dates from us when we already know it’s gonna happen.”

Luca chuckles, nodding. “For the suspense, I guess? Also, as the captain of the basketball team, why are you hanging around here?”

“Can’t I just greet my best friend hello? Jeez,” Sonny rolls his eyes, making Luca laugh. “You’ve been so busy with training and Shu, I can’t even have a day with you!”

“We see each other in the gym though?” Luca defends. His senses are tingling, and he knows Sonny is not telling the whole truth.

“Well not always! Sometimes you have practice out in the fields, and sometimes I have practice in other courts.” Sonny explained. Luca stares at him, and the latter is forced to spill the beans. “Alright, fine, I need your help.”

He stays silent, letting his best friend talk. Sonny scratches the back of his head, leaning back on the bench as he gathers his thoughts. 

“I think… Alban and I are in a rut.” Sonny whispers.

Well, that’s new. Luca thinks. He urges Sonny to continue, the latter covering his face with sweaty palms.

“Lately, he’s been distant. With texts and calls. I tried to ask him what’s happening, if I did something wrong, but he always says that everything is fine, and that he’s just thinking about ‘some things ’. I wanted to pursue him to tell me about it, but I’m afraid that he might get pissed and not talk.” Sonny sighs. “I know I haven’t been the best partner, with how busy I am with training and my academics. But you know? I just wish he could share it with me, and not leave me guessing.”

Luca hums. He didn’t know Alban and Shu were similar in some way.

“So you do know that you did something wrong.”

Sonny nods solemnly, burying his face once again in his palms. “I don’t know how I can make him talk with me without ticking him off.”

“Have you tried doing stuff he likes? Like making him his favorites, giving him random things? If words aren’t working, you should probably put more effort into your actions. It could coax him out of his shell.”

A brief flashback of Luca doing everything he can to make Shu talk appears in his mind. It lasted like a whole week, and it was one of the worst. He was about to give up, but pushed through when he heard Shu crying in the bathroom one night. When they finally talked it out, the weight of the world was off of Luca’s whole being.

Sonny nods, looking across the distance. “I haven’t done that, because I really want to talk to him.”

“Don’t push him too much if he avoids having a conversation with you.” Luca says, patting Sonny in the back. “You don’t want him to hide away.”

“I guess you’re right,” Sonny mutters. He turns to Luca, raising an eyebrow. “Is this what almost six years of relationship and five years of pining does to a man? Seems like you know all the strats.”

Luca chuckles. “Bro, why do you know the exact details?”

“Because I’m aiming to be the best man in your wedding, duh. That fucker Ren is picking up his pace, I can’t lose to him.” Sonny rolls his eyes, making Luca laugh. “You know, I admire you two—you and Shu. It seems like you guys keep on getting stronger as the years pass by.”

The blond smiles at the comment, playing with his fingers. “It’s not always rainbows and puppies, of course. You just have to understand, trust, and respect each other.” His phone lights up, a text message from Shu appears. “I hope I helped you with your lovers’ quarrel?”

“You did, thanks man.” Sonny lets out a relieved laugh. “And it’s not a quarrel!”

After bidding goodbye to a troubled Sonny, Luca jogs his way to the architecture building, waiting outside of Shu’s classroom. He listens in as the professor relays instructions, followed with quiet moans of frustrations from the students. Luca peeks from the small window on the door, eyes roaming around to find Shu whose hair now up in a ponytail, his glasses on his delicate face, eyebrows scrunched, similar to an angry cat. Uki has a death glare probably meant for their professor.

Luca moves out of the way when students start to flock out of the room. Shu turns to the right and immediately goes straight to his arms without a word, staying still as he takes deep breaths. He wraps an arm around Shu’s shoulders, caging him even more.

“Bye, lovebirds.” Uki greets, waving a hand before going on his way. Luca raises a belated one.

They don’t move, letting the passersby be passersby, Luca occasionally nodding at familiar faces that greets him. His tattooed hand rests on Shu’s arm, squeezing the muscle. The clock echoes along the hallway, signaling the end of another day.

Shu emerges from the comforts of Luca’s chest. He looks more relaxed now, and the blond can tell the exhaustion spread across his face. 

“This is killing me,” Shu whispers, closing his eyes. “Really, really killing me.”

Luca only hums, rubbing the meat of Shu’s arm through his cardigan. His heart aches at the sight of his lover like this, oh how he wishes he could just bear it all himself.

“Let’s go home, hmm?”

“...Okay.”

Both of them were too tired to make something for dinner, so they settled on ordering pizza. Pepperoni, their favorite. They munched on their dinner while a random movie Shu clicked on Netflix plays in the background.

Shu hasn’t said a word ever since they got home, and Luca waits until the latter speaks up himself. He could only express his comfort through tight hugs and soft kisses on his temples, assuring Shu that he’s always there for him. No protest was made when Luca gathered Shu in his arms, sleeping through the night basked in moonlight and warm breaths. 

Luca’s essay can be done tomorrow.

The next mornings have been quiet. With only affectionate touches and hummed words they communicate. In bed they still sleep in each other’s arms, and it’s very much obvious; Shu is not taking this final year too well. 

…And that it’s starting again.

Tattooed fingers caress the soft, milky skin of his lover. Luca silently watches Shu sleep peacefully, his mind too awake. Several thoughts have been occupying him lately, a mix of good and bad—though not balanced.

Luca feels a looming dread watching over him, and it’s making him anxious.

He hopes it will disappear tomorrow.

“Fuck.” Luca mutters under his breath, nipping on the skin of his fingers. The document in his hand feels cold, or perhaps it’s how his palms are sweaty after reading the paper.

This can’t be happening.

A warning, a notice of failure, issued to him by his professor in Physics.

Luca takes a deep breath. His leg bounces so much it rattles the table for a bit.

Shit. Fucking shit.

“You might have become too confident during the pre-finals.” His professor explains to him in a calm manner, probably watching out how Luca is reacting to the news. “That's why I’ve asked to meet you privately. I don’t want to get in the way of your sport—you are one of the best in the field, but Luca, you told me that you also dream of being an engineer.”

Luca can only nod, head heavy as he tries to absorb it all in. 

“I hope you haven’t forgotten about that.”

An image of Shu appears in his mind. He feels like he can't breath.

The sound of calm versus aggressive keyboard typing fills the quiet space of their “study room”, which is really just the coffee table they got from a yard sale like four years ago, but has become the most frequented area ever since entering university. Shu’s eyebrow twitches in annoyance, finishing up his notes he took down for the upcoming presentation of his proposal for a new project, trying his best to ignore the repetitive noise.

He glances at the culprit—Luca’s about to beat the world record for a thousand words in ten seconds. The blond is not usually like this, and is more aware of his surroundings. Shu doesn’t know why, but the way Luca is typing is really getting to him.

“Tone it down a bit, babe.” Shu mutters, firm yet gentle.

Luca grunts at his words. “Yeah, yeah.”

Tick, tack, tick, tick.

Shu hums and continues with his work. Now, he just needs to polish the crucial part of his script; the inspiration behind the–

The table suddenly rattles, and he notices that Luca’s shaking leg is causing it. That typing sound is back again.

“Babe.” Shu warns, violet eyes tearing away from under it and back to his screen.

Then, he adds a pen. 

Click, clack, click, clack.

Jesus Christ.

“Luca!” Shu yells.

“What?!” Luca yells back, frustration evident in his voice. "What the fuck are you nagging me for?"

They glare at each other, a moment where both of their faces are painted in colors that no artist will ever use. Shu takes the initiative to get up, gathering his stuff to move somewhere else. Luca groans and mutters “ So ridiculous ,” under his breath, to which Shu ignores with a roll of his eyes.

The ravenette makes his anger known as he stomps his way to the bedroom.

With an unknown force abruptly waking up his consciousness, Shu opens his eyes to a dimly lit room. The clock on the nightstand says it’s four in the morning. He’s on the bed, and a thick blanket covers his body. Sitting up, he notices a lump beside him. Luca is sleeping soundly with his back facing Shu, curled up in his own arms.

Shu glances at the desk he was on earlier, his belongings still there but his laptop closed. Shu sighs, getting off the plush to wash his face.

Droplets of water fall on the ceramic sink. Shu stares at his reflection in the mirror, and he doesn’t recognize himself. Dark circles under his eyes, a growing pimple on his cheek, his lips a bit dry. 

It’s different. Something feels… off.

As he treads his way back to the comforts of his bed, he notices how Luca’s position changed. It’s normal for the man to be awake at this hour, either going out for a morning jog or exercising in the living room.

Shu gently sits on the mattress, staring at Luca’s back. He’s trying to see if Luca will get up, trying to catch him by surprise to see what he will do. But the man doesn’t move, and Shu wonders if he’s going to skip his routine.

Lately, Luca has been staring off into the distance. He’s not attentive whenever Shu tries to talk to him. If they’re not together, his texts are as dry as the Sahara desert. It has also been a hot minute since Luca has picked him up from his evening classes, saying he’s very busy because of training, and Shu ends up going home alone.

The only time they “bond” is during silent breakfasts in the morning, still dinners, and doing homework in the evening back in their apartment. But last night was a disaster.

Shu bites his lower lip, waiting for a few more seconds if Luca wakes up. The blond doesn’t move an inch. He grabs his phone from the nightstand to text Uki, and Shu lays back down to go back to sleep with a twinge in his heart that brings tears to his eyes.

“I’m going to sleep over at Uki’s,” Shu informs Luca, waiting for the man to react as he eats his breakfast of eggs and bacon.  “...for a few days.”

Luca nods as he scrolls through his phone, a serious look on his face. Shu purses his lips, thinking of whatever can occupy his attention at this hour in the morning.

“He needs help in finishing his final project and I might need his help too. It’s a big part in the final grading—” 

“Okay.” 

Shu bites his lower lip, uncomfortable with the way Luca is nonchalant about the whole thing. Why is he not asking if Uki can stay with them instead? Why is he okay with Shu leaving him for a few days? Why does he seem unaffected by all this?

“Are you going to be alright?” Shu asks.

It’s a ridiculous question, as Uki’s place is just an hour away from theirs. Shu can come back home in an instant, and Luca can visit anytime.

The man stops. His expression changes, and finally looks up at Shu. An indescribable emotion swirls in those lavender eyes of his, and Shu is unaware of the face he’s making. His lover stares at him for a few seconds without saying anything, until he gives him a gentle smile.

“Yeah, I am.”

Shu feels like crying.

“There, there.” Uki whispers. Shu sobs, and he’s sure his tears have stained his best friend’s shirt. “Let it all out.”

He continues on wailing, like a child who lost his favorite toy in the park. The fist gripping tightly on Uki’s shirt loosens, and he pulls away from the warm hug. He wipes the never-ending flow of tears, catching his breath.

This is ridiculous. Comical.

The kiss Luca left on his lips when he dropped him off in front of Uki’s apartment felt cold, almost unrecognizable. He’s not even sure if it was a kiss, it was more like a peck. Too quick, too short.

“I’m probably overreacting,” Shu mutters in between hiccups. Uki hands him a glass of water, and he gladly accepts. He empties it, and Uki takes it back without a word. “But it really wasn’t the same.”

“I understand,” Uki sighs. “I know the feeling.”

“He’s… not talking to me. I don’t know why he’s not talking to me.”

The latter purses his lips. “Well, have you talked to him?”

Shu stops, looking up at Uki. “Huh?”

“Shu, I don’t know if you know this, but for the past few weeks, you were lowkey not yourself. Scratch that. Highkey , you weren’t yourself.” Uki starts. “Ever since the night when that shitty professor dropped a bombshell of projects on us, you shut down. You were unrecognizable, and I already noticed the extreme fatigue in your eyes.”

Uki sighs when he sees Shu’s expression that is one of guilt, before continuing. “I’m pretty sure Luca has been trying to reach out to you, yes?”

Shu stays quiet, with Uki giving him a few to think. That’s when realization dawns on him. All those years, and he hasn’t noticed. It comes rushing like a raging waterfall, everything Luca has done to make him feel better whenever he had those bad days with his academics. He made his presence known, and Shu took it all with nothing to give back to him.

How shitty of him.

“Shu.” Uki calls.

His tummy swirls, and he rushes to the bathroom to throw up everything he ate for breakfast. His head is ringing, and his fresh, heavy eyelids do not help. Shu just wants to lay down, and not think of anything else. A hand rubs his back up and down as he empties his stomach. Once done, Uki helps him get up and watches closely as Shu washes his face on the sink.

“I didn’t even ask how he was doing…” Shu whispers, eyes stinging again. “He was always there, and not once did I acknowledge him,”

Because I’m used to this.

“It’s something we forget if we are too deep into our own emotions.” Uki replies. “He probably didn’t want to trouble you with his own struggles.”

Shu closes his eyes, clutching the sink hard with both hands. He knows what kind of man Luca is, Shu truly knows that with all his heart. So, why?

Why did he let Luca do everything on his own? Why did Luca not speak up and tell him what he wants from Shu? Why did Shu let this go on for so long? Is it because of the comfort and assurance Luca gave him? 

How foolish of Luca,

and how painfully ignorant of him.

That first night, Shu immersed himself in the output of his last project, and he’s once again reminded of the reason he’s here.

He’s finished the interior of the bedroom, and with every blank picture frame and trinket he put up on the walls and on the tables, his vision of building a house for him and Luca slowly comes to life. He’s been working on this since sophomore year, a project he started to include in his final portfolio.

It makes him smile, and fills him with absolute, unfiltered joy. It’s a dream he’s willing to do everything to achieve, and now, it’s right on his palms, waiting to come to life.

But that kiss.

Shu halts, and that hope depletes. Memories of Luca’s efforts come rushing in, his eyes stinging for the third time that day. Drained is what Shu is, and once again, he questions if all of this is worth it.

The night settles in Uki’s apartment with Shu staring out of the window with a cup of cocoa his best friend made for the both of them, a prize for finishing the new project’s blueprint. Fishing out his phone from his pocket, he sends Luca a text.

“Did you eat dinner?” 

Uki walks in the living room, yawning. “Come on, bitch. We still have a few days left.”

“I’ll be right behind you,” Shu responds. He waits as Uki disappears to the bedrooms, looking down on his phone.

Luca hasn’t replied, and Shu sighs, getting up to rest for the night.

“Sorry for the late reply, I was finishing something. I had a late dinner. How about you?”

Shu check his phone as soon as he woke up, reading the text Luca sent at two in the morning. He doesn’t hesitate and clicks on the call button. It takes a few rings before Luca answers.

“Good morning, babe.” Shu greets, a soft tone escapes his lips. “Breakfast?”

He hears the bed rustle, and Luca’s quiet groans. “...Later.”

The ravenette pouts, and glances at the ticking clock. It’s nearing time before Luca’s first class. “You have classes today, right?”

“Yeah.” Luca answers, voice gruff. “Will I see you on campus?”

Shu hums, remembering the shit ton of stuff he has to do for today. 

“I’ll let you know, okay?” Only Luca’s breathing comes through the phone. Shu bites his lower lip out of nervousness. “Babe?”

“Fine.” Luca grumbles. “Gotta go.”

“Um, okay, I love you—” Shu hurriedly says, but the man ends the call abruptly. “...so much.”

Is it really worth it?

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sonny asks.

Luca rubs the center of his aching forehead, regretting the late night study he did. He goes back to dusting his hands with chalk, trying to get into the zone. “You asked me to open up. I already told you what happened. Now I have to train.”

“You gave me all that advice and you’re out here not applying that to yourself.” The man scoffs. “I think you’re worse than I am. Shu? You’re really doing this to Shu?”

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you.” Luca groans, grabbing his pole leaning against the wall. “You wouldn’t be talking to Alban again if it wasn’t for me, yeah? Fuck off if you’re just gonna run your mouth.”

Sonny rolls his eyes, staring down at what he thought was a smart best friend. Turns out he was just a stupid as he is when it comes to love, if not more. He lands a not-too-hard punch on Luca’s shoulder to knock him off of his senses, but it only made Luca’s grip loosen on the pole and the blond didn’t appreciate that one bit.

“What the fuck, man?” Luca stands up from the bench, obviously furious.

“Man up, you fool.” Sonny argues. “Just because you had a failing grade doesn’t mean you can just be this shitty of a person.”

Luca’s eyebrow twitches at the comment, his grip on the pole getting tighter. Sonny notices his fist turn white, backing up a little. “Just? You think it was just a failing grade?”

The other people at the gym start to notice the increasing volume of two people arguing. Luca’s coach notices his athlete all up in the basketball team captain’s face, and he rushes up to the scene.

“Look at you getting all irritated. You chose this path, Luca. You of all people should know how it is and what it takes to be a student and an athlete.” Sonny stands his ground. “If you can’t handle the two and start being a fuckwad to people, you should probably decide now before you start hurting others even more.”

Luca was about to say something when his coach tugs on his arm, pulling him away from the brewing fight. 

“Kaneshiro! What the hell is happening here?!”

Sonny crosses his arms. Those sharp, lavender eyes he once saw years ago are back, piercing right through him. 

“Don’t worry sir, everything’s alright. I’ll take my leave.”

The latter clenches his teeth, his coach’s scolding fades into the background as his vision shakes, his thoughts pulling him down deeper into that abyss he desperately wants to avoid.

Shu finds out about the whole argument Luca and Sonny had in the gym via Alban’s text message to Uki. His best friend stops him from going back home, a stern look on his face.

“He’s not gonna hurt me,” Shu assures. “Never.”

“I know, but we don’t want to take the risk.” Uki points out. “Just let him have a day to himself, okay? Don’t even think about texting or calling him about what happened. We want him to reflect on his actions. Luca’s a smart guy, I am confident he’ll be able to pick the logical solution to this.”

The ravenette purses his lips. “...I wanna go back home.”

Uki rolls his eyes. “I thought you wanted to have a few days to yourself? That’s why we planned this impromptu sleepover. Don’t tell me you already know what you’re going to say to him?”

“Well, I don’t, but—”

“Exactly.” Uki raises a finger, waving it back and forth. “Come back when you’re ready to tell everything to Luca. I’ll try to get scoops from Sonny through Alban. Okay?”

Shu reluctantly nods. “O-okay.”

It’s a quiet afternoon in the library. Luca skims through his notes as he finishes a Physics assignment due tomorrow, headphones on as it plays the soft, classical music playlist Shu curated for the both of them to use during solo study sessions. Thankfully, his professor is one of the few who are considerate, helping Luca to earn back his standing in the class with these make-up activities. He tried to convince the old man to let him retake the midterm exam, but was denied. 

Unfortunately for his classmates, they have to go through multiple take-home works so that Luca can catch up. It’s a secret between the two of them. Call it unfair, but Luca is desperate. It also helps that his professor seems to have a favorite, anyway.

The blond is too engrossed in his studies to notice a figure sitting beside him. A cold can of iced coffee touches his wrist, making him jump and look at the direction of the source. Sonny looks at him with a poker face.

“...Hey.” Luca greets, removing his headphones.

“Here.” Sonny nudges the can again. “The library is closing early today. You have twenty more minutes.”

“Oh,” Luca mutters, dropping his pen to take the coffee. “Thanks, man.”

Sonny nods, taking a sip on his own can. “So, have you heard anything from Shu yet?”

The latter purses his lips. “No, I haven’t texted. I don’t want to disturb him, he’s busy. Besides, Uki gives me updates here and there about him.”

His best friend taps his fingers on the cedar table, he knows because Shu told him once as a trivia. Sonny hums, looking at the distance. Luca does the same, the endless tall shelves on books in rows act like a labyrinth to the path of nowhere and somewhere.

“I’d like to apologize for getting aggressive with you.” Luca starts, holding onto the can tight. “Like you said, I’m irritable lately. I just… wasn’t expecting to have a failing grade. I slacked off.”

A hand clasps his shoulder, making Luca look at him. Sonny offers a small smile, shaking his head. “I should be the one to apologize. I overreacted, and I should have offered you advice too. I guess I just wasn’t expecting this… kind of attitude from you. So, I’m sorry.”

Luca nods. “It’s alright, I understand. It’s something I’m not used to, and I took it bad. I shouldn’t have been that way to anyone. So while Shu is keeping busy, I’ll also focus on my academics for now.”

“Yes, of course. But remember, you don’t have to face it alone.” Sonny reminds. “Shu is going through the same thing as you, you know.”

“I know.” Luca mutters. “I just don’t want him to share this burden of mine.”

“But you want to carry his burden.”

Damn right he does.

“...I do.”

Sonny shakes his head, going back to tapping his fingers on the table. “That’s unfair and selfish, Luca.”

Luca stares at him. He knows it all too well. Ever since he and Shu became friends, way before they got together, he had always shouldered everything Shu carried. It’s almost like an instinct for him, something that he’s meant to do for the rest of his life. He promised to take care of Shu, and Luca doesn’t break promises. He will fulfill it until the end, and perhaps that’s the root cause of this whole mess.

He doesn’t want to bother Shu, ever. Luca learned from an early age to take everything he’s given and overcome it himself. It’s how he got through his daily life, as he believes he should provide comfort and warmth to everyone he cares for.

Shu shows his care in his own way, and that’s enough for Luca. It’s a reminder that he still loves him, that he is still the one in his heart. Sonny may call it selfish and unfair, but that’s just how things are between him and Shu. The latter hasn’t said anything about this arrangement anyway, and it led them to six years of being together. 

Why should it change now?

“It’s how it should be,” Luca whispers under his breath. “It’s how it’s always been.”

“And that should stop.” Sonny gently insists. “You have to let Shu reciprocate, Luca. You’re not giving him a chance.”

The moonlight shines through the window, a sad shadow casts on the cold bed. Luca stares at his phone, the screen showing Shu’s contact information. His thumb hovers over the call button, contemplating.

He misses Shu a whole lot. The apartment is not the same as the day he came back after dropping Shu off at Uki’s. The mornings and nights are cold and lonely, either he’s burying his face in books or hugging himself to sleep. The only thing keeping him afloat to continue are the updates Uki sends him regarding Shu.

The words Sonny threw at him made him think. Luca is aware of how he has taken Shu’s burdens as his own, but is clueless where he never realized that Shu probably wants to do the same. 

If there’s one thing Luca is afraid of, it’s Shu shutting down. It happened years ago, and he doesn’t want it to happen again, ever.

Absent-minded, his thumb presses on the call button, and it’s not long when Shu answers. Luca scrambles to put the phone on his ear.

“Hey.” Luca greets, getting up from the bed to lean against the sliding glass door that leads to the small balcony outside.

A quiet, solemn voice comes in from the other end. “...Hi.”

Luca bites his lower lip, sensing his low spirits. “Are you doing okay?”

Shu takes a deep breath, letting out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, I am… I guess. Good news is that we’re going to be done sooner than expected. I just need to compile all my stuff and make a final portfolio.”

“That’s great, Shu.” Luca replies softly. His heart aches, feeling like he hasn’t spoken of Shu’s name lately. “Really great.”

He can hear Shu’s small smile at the end of the call. “And you? How’s training and classes?”

“Uh, about that.” Luca sighs, running his hand through his hair. His golden locks fall gracefully. “I asked for a two-week break. Finals are coming up and I have to focus on exams.”

Silence. Luca closes his eyes, unsure if he shouldn’t have told Shu about the sudden decision he made yesterday. 

“Oh, I see. And what did your coach say about that? The regionals are coming up too, right?”

“It is, but there’s no confirmed date yet, so I wanted to take the time to study.” Luca explains. “He granted me that break, as long as I keep on doing my daily exercise routine.”

“That’s good to hear, then.”

“Yeah.”

Silence once again. Only their breaths fill the call, a quiet buzzing of whatever noise is in the background joins in. Luca fiddles with the corner of his pillow, pulling at the loose threads.

“So, uh—” 

“Um—”

Shu giggles. Luca’s heart throbs.

He missed that sound.

“You go first.”

“Okay,” Luca whispers, chuckling. “Um, make some time for me on the weekend?”

“You mean… tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah.” Luca glances at the digital clock that displays the date and day. “Yeah, tomorrow. Sorry.”

Shu lets out that heavenly giggle again.

“Of course. Where should we meet?”

“Remember that one diner near university? The one where we had our first college low budget date.” Luca smiles at the memory.

“Oh yeah, that place! We were freshies, and we saved what’s left of our weekly allowance to have dates there!”

At the end of their first week in university, two lovers let out sighs of relief as they went out of what would be their everyday life for the next four or five years.

The blond took the ravenette’s hand, enthusiastically sharing about the diner that students frequented daily because of their budget-friendly yet tasty meals. It’s something they’ve heard college students survive off of back in highschool, and both of them craved that experience. 

Its loud and warm atmosphere welcomes the two immediately, with loving crews who seemed to really care about their customers. They sat on the booth with a window view, and they saw the flock of fellow students who were equally as relieved as them after an exhausting day.

The brightest of stars gleamed in their eyes, excitement painted on their faces that they will never forget. Plates of greasy smash burgers and fries with a side of vanilla and strawberry milkshake in front of them, and they could never be more happier.

Even though they ordered the same thing, they fed each other with their own food. A cheeky smile formed on that white as snow skin, and the golden boy couldn’t help but mirror him. 

That night was filled with stories of their first week in college and hearty laughter, which ended up with sweet kisses that tasted with a mix of vanilla and strawberry in the narrow alleyway just beside the diner.

“I miss that diner.” Luca says. “We haven’t been there for like, two years now.”

“I know,” Shu sighs. Luca hears Uki in the background, inviting him to sleep. “I’ll be right there! Um, I have to go now. Uki and I decided to always sleep early so we can get up and continue work in the wee hours of the morning.”

“Oh, okay,” Luca pouts a bit. “You should get some rest then.”

“You’ll go to sleep as well, yes?” Shu asks. 

“I have to finish a shit ton of assignments,” Luca chuckles under his breath, glancing at the desk filled with papers and stacks of books. “It’s—ah, I’ll tell you when we meet up.”

“Hmm, okay. I like the sound of that.” Shu replies. “Well then. Goodnight, Luca.”

“Goodnight, baby.” Luca bites his lower lip. “I love you.”

A tiny gasp goes through the call, followed by a silence, and then a sniffle.

Luca’s heart clenches.

“...I love you.”

The cool, breezy air indicates the nearing end of summer, and signals the start of their favorite weather–autumn. Shu notices some trees with yellow and orange hues, the ground filled with fallen leaves that crunches with every step he takes. The colorful neon lights of the diner they used to frequent is bright as ever, the inviting atmosphere still lingers even outside.

Shu kicks some of the rocks chipped from the broken pavement, waiting for Luca so they can come in together.

His heart is beating out of his chest, too nervous but excited at the thought of being with his lover once again. After that call last night, Shu couldn’t help but cry, alerting Uki who came back to the living room to check up on him. However, Uki had a soft smile when he saw the relief on Shu’s face despite the tears.

Shu made sure to finish what he had to do so he can give Luca the entirety of his time. It’s been weeks since they saw each other, so he can’t miss this.

With his arms behind his back, Shu watches as the rock he meant to kick right goes straight. Following its path with his vision, a pair of black boots halts the speeding stone. He looks up, and there stands his favorite person in the entire world.

Luca’s lips part when their eyes meet, his hair down as he dons a comfy outfit Shu has put together for him back then. Shu gulps, his body tensing up at his sudden appearance. He was waiting for Luca’s text, but maybe his mindless twiddling did not notice that his phone was vibrating in his pocket.

No one says a word, only star-strucked gazes. They hold their breaths, and just like that, they feel themselves fall in love with each other all over again. 

It was like a scene out of a movie. The moment Luca opens his arms, Shu runs towards him, accepting the tightest and warmest of hug of his life. Shu blinks once, twice, before his eyes burn and ultimately cries. Luca soothes his back with gentle rubs, his own eyes stinging when Shu lets out broken sobs.

A shaky, wet kiss on the temple sets Shu off even more, hands gripping Luca’s sweater so tight, he could probably pull off some of the threading. Luca buries his nose in Shu’s hair, that familiar scent he dearly missed makes his heart ache.

Indeed, it was a scene out of a movie. Two lovers hug tightly with the gusts of wind guiding the fallen leaves to where it should be.

Luca opens up the wrapper of his warm burger, mouth salivating at the scent and visual of the double patty with extra cheese. Shu snorts, a wide grin on his face as he takes a bite off his regular sized one. 

After crying their eyes out, Shu convinced Luca to just order to-go and find a place to have privacy. Luca agreed, and the concerned look the cashier gave him is enough for him to know that he probably looked like a freshly steamed bun.

They sat on a bench in the nearby park, where the streetlights set an intimate mood. The light traffic echoing in the background adds to the atmosphere. With the food and drinks in between them, they start to dig in.

“God, I missed this.” Luca mutters. He glances at Shu who is also watching him eat, a fond look on his face. “A-and I missed you more, you know.”

“You’re so stupid,” Shu replies, giggling. Luca smiles a bit.

“...Did you miss me?”

The ravenette raises an eyebrow. “Of course, I did. Would I run to your arms and cry immediately as soon as I was in your embrace?”

Luca bites his lower lip. “Y-yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

Shu smiles gently. His boyfriend can be really cute, and this moment is one of them. He just wants to pinch his cheeks, and reassure him until he feels better. 

“You should finish your food,” Shu replies. “Or else I’m taking that side of fries from you.”

A comfortable silence blankets them. The streets have gotten more quiet after their not-so-healthy dinner, and all that’s left is their relaxed breathing and the distant beats of their thumping hearts.

“As I told you, I’m putting together my portfolio that will be considered as my finals. If I get a high rating, it’s guaranteed a slot for the graduation at the end of the year.” Shu begins, fiddling with his fingers. “I haven’t told you what it all contains, right? You might have seen some of my other projects, but not this one.”

Luca shakes his head, listening to every word Shu says.

“I kept it from you because it will contain a project I started ever since our sophomore years.” Shu reveals. “It’s a personal gift from me to you, but over the years of making it, I realized it’s a gift for the both of us.”

The blond sits in silence. Shu rubs his eyes with fists, and Luca scoots closer to wrap an arm around his waist. The latter tries his best to hush his own cries and calm himself down. 

“However, it was also one of the reasons of my stress and breakdowns. You were there, and you witnessed it all happen.”

“I did,” Luca answers. “It hurt me to see you like that, especially knowing that your dream means a lot to you, but is also taking a toll on you.”

Shu grimaces at his words. Luca is absolutely right, and somehow he feels a bit ashamed that he let Luca show that vulnerability of his. 

“It’s probably the same for you, right?”

Luca freezes. “What do you mean?”

They meet eyes, and Shu gives him a melancholic smile. “I am awfully late, but now I know that you also suffered. Luca, I apologize for that.”

“W-what? Why are you apologizing?”

“...Because I made you think that this was acceptable. That you taking all of my burdens is okay. That me leaving you to fend for yourself was even an option.”

The tattooed hand on Shu’s waist trembles. He’s obviously scared, and it’s evident in his eyes. Everything Sonny had told him is happening right now. He came to the terms that this is inevitable, but now that he’s in this situation, it feels a little difficult to digest.

“You know what I mean, right?” Shu asks. He takes Luca’s free hand, squeezing it with both of his. “Luca, baby, you have been an amazing lover, the best, and I can’t ask the world for anyone other than you. You were there for all of my brightest and darkest. But I realized that I wasn’t there for yours.”

What?

“You’re wrong, Shu! You were always there! Just your presence is enough for me, enough for me to continue this… dream.” Luca’s chest tighten. “These six years, it was all possible because you stayed by my side.”

Shu bites his lower lip. “But Luca, that’s exactly what I shouldn’t have only done. You might have thought that just me being here is enough, but it’s not. It’s never enough.”

He takes both of Luca’s hands, looking up at him with a pained expression on his face. “I want you to want more from me, Luca. I want you to ask more from me–ask for my words, ask for my ears. I want you to talk to me, tell me what your struggles are, share your burden with me.”

At this point, both of them are crying once again. Luca sniffles, his helpless hands stay warm with Shu’s wrapped around them. Teardrops stain his jeans, his head low as Shu comforts him despite also being a mess. He takes a deep breath, swallowing a lump that formed in his throat.

“But Shu, you also don’t talk to me. Whenever it happens, I get scared. I’m scared that one day, you’ll realize that maybe you don’t need me anymore. That maybe to reach your dream, you have to choose one or the other. But I know that you’re comforted by my actions, so I gave you whatever you need.” 

“I know, that is one of my flaws too.” Shu agrees. “I only take, Luca. I don’t give.”

“But you do give!” Luca desperately explains. “You do so much for me, Shu. Please…”

The ravenette lets go of his hands to cup Luca’s cheeks. Despite his blurry vision, blocked by the continuous flow of tears, he sees a worried Luca who has so much love and care to give. Shu wipes his tears with tender caresses, smiling.

“Luca, this is me opening up to you. And now, I’m selfishly asking you to do the same. Let me in, hmm? You know that I’ll always be here for you. Always.”

The latter continues to weep, and Shu waits. They stay like that for a while, and the breeze has gotten colder, but he doesn't care.

“It’s been hard balancing my ambitions.” Luca begins. “The dream of being an engineer and an athlete. You know how much it means to me. You, and the desire to be the man you deserve.”

Luca grabs a hold of Shu’s knuckles, pressing a long kiss on both of them. “You’re my saving grace, you always have been. Believe me when I say that your presence is enough.”

Shu stays quiet, letting him continue. “I… recently failed one of my majors. It was around the time you were also stressing with your project. What bad timing, huh?” He chuckles quietly. “It was because of the fact that I failed a major, and the fact that you weren’t talking to me, the reason why I lashed out at Sonny, the reason why I made you feel like shit.”

“But don’t worry, my professor was kind enough to let me catch up. That’s why I’m always pulling off all-nighters, because of the activities I need to do to redeem myself.”

The ravenette feels a pinch in his heart after listening to what Luca had to say. It pains him that he endured all that for the six years they were together, and he had no clue, not even one.

“My baby,” Shu whispers, leaning his forehead against Luca’s. “I’m sorry to hear you went through that.”

“It’s okay,” Luca reassures, nuzzling Shu’s nose with his own. “You’re here now.”

Shu nods. “I am, and you’re here.”

“Uhuh.” Luca affirms. He gathers Shu in his arms, sitting him on his lap to drown themselves in each other’s comfortable presence. “I’m here.”

Shu pulls away, tucking the golden hair behind his ear. “How was that? Not bad, right?”

Luca smiles, sparkles in lavender appear. “Yeah. I can say the same thing to you.”

“You’re right.” Shu laughs heartily. “Promise me, Luca. Promise me that you’ll try to let me in. Gone are the times we keep all of this to ourselves. We open up, we share, we become each other's diaries. Lean on me, and I'll always be here.”

“I promise.” Luca answers with no hesitation, nodding. “You promise me too, yeah?”

Shu nods, smiling. “I promise.”

Luca raises his pinky finger, and Shu wraps his own around it. The blond watches in full adoration, as his boyfriend lets out the sweetest of giggles. A hand snakes around his waist, pulling Shu closer. “Shu, baby,”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.” Luca says, a mix of emotions plastered all over his face and voice. “I love you with all my heart, forever.”

Shu smiles widely, his eyes turn into crescents. He leans in for a kiss, and it's reciprocated with an equal passion.

This is the kiss. 

They pull away, and Shu traces Luca's lower lip with a thumb before whispering, “I love you too.”

The university courtyard is surrounded with snow and cheers from students and parents alike as they exit the auditorium. Flowers of different kinds fill ecstatic arms, giving each other "Congratulations!" after the graduation ceremony ended in peaceful fashion. Luca watches as families prompt their children into poses, one that is definitely going to be posted in social media, a celebration for the proud parents.

He turns around and sees his parents' attention all over to his lover, Shu. The ravenette ushers him to come over, shyly accepting a white envelope his dad sneaked in between Shu's hands.

The blond raises an eyebrow as he approaches them. He was about to bust his own parents but Shu's own come to him to give him a hug. Startled eyes dart to Shu, who's now getting a kiss on his cheek. Luca gets a hard pat on the back by Shu's dad, and Shu's mom does the same thing as his own mother did.

"Thank you, but it's okay--"

"Oh hush, you." Shu's mother shakes his head. She looks at his husband with a giddy smile. "It's a little token of our appreciation for taking care of our son."

Shu's dad nods in agreement. "We couldn't have asked for a better partner for him, and Luca, we know that you are meant for Shu."

Luca blushes, and it must have been so obvious with the way the two let out a laugh. 

"Let us know if you're going to propose, okay? You're already approved years ago, but the formality is important to us." 

He turns into a tomato, and Shu comes to them with a pouty expression.

"And what have you guys been saying to this poor man? Look at him, he's all flustered!" Shu complains, rushing to Luca to cup his face. "You good, babe?"

He spots both of their parents sharing the look, and that reassurance takes a whole lot of weight off of his mind.

"I'm great," Luca replies, chuckling. He wraps his arms around Shu, pulling him closer. "I'm more than alright now."

Shu smiles fondly, eyes sparkling for the man in front of him.

An ardent kiss sealed under the snowy skies, and their love that radiates more than that of the sun.