Work Text:
For as long as Ritsu had been interested in romance, he'd been shy of actually approaching people in a romantic context.
He'd seen plays and movies, he'd read books, he'd watched people- he understood that the world of dating was one that leaned heavily on implications, subtleties, and unspoken-ness- all things that relied on mutual understandings that he rarely understood.
He floundered when he tried to be anything other than straightforward, and drowned in the awkwardness that came when others behaved coyly. For the sake of his comfort and dignity, he generally avoided wooing and being wooed, and that had served him well. Crushes developed and passed, and Ritsu believed that his life was easier if he stuck to daydreams and quietly fantasizing about whoever caught his interest. It wasn't a crime.
All of this zipped through his mind as he sat in his usual spot at his usual table at the campus diner, watching his senpai, the current muse for his sweet imaginings, read the report he'd finished putting together.
He relished the moments when he could freely look at her, cataloging the angle of the bridge of her nose, the squeezy squint as she processed, the way her lower lip moved when she chewed on it. She was stunning.
"You get really technical with the wording here. I'm not, like-" She waved the papers, vaguely gesturing with her free hand. "I guess I'm not complaining, but it's taking me a minute."
Ritsu thought back to the passage she was on. "I see what you're saying, but I don't believe it's a problem. Darkwick staff will be looking over this, and it's imperative that they understand exactly how things happened."
She huffed softly and flipped to a different page. "I suppose. It's not incorrect, I just didn't enjoy reading it."
"Do you generally enjoy paperwork?"
At that, she halfway smiled and chuckled. "That's more of a you thing."
Ritsu hummed into his coffee in agreement and then stayed silent, giving her time to continue reading. These small moments of efforless fun were precious to him.
It would happen soon, he knew, that her phone would light up and she would have to leave. Business partner that she may be, she was also something of a lackey, or a mommy, to other, more erratic, needier ghouls. It was a part of her daily life, to be summoned and snipped at, to be pulled and pawed at.
It was a fact that left a bitter taste in Ritsu's mouth.
He set his jaw and added an extra sugar packet to his coffee, swirling the mug as preemptive vines of jealousy crept up and around his heart.
"You good? Something wrong?"
Ritsu coughed. He must have looked as sulky as he was starting to feel. "Ah, well." It would be easier to explain in a way that didn't sound childish and selfish if he weren't so embarrassed at having been caught being childish and selfish.
He could feel his cheeks heating up through the preamble. "It's come to my attention, and I admit it brings with it an amount of frustration, that you usually depart from these meetings early. I was beginning to wonde-"
Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.
The three of them sat in brief, uncomfortable silence.
Ritsu.
His business partner/upperclassman/crush.
Her phone.
It buzzed again. She apologized as she flipped it over, and Ritsu could see KAMURAI on the screen before she hopped up to skitter away.
"Ritsu, I'm so sorry, you're not wrong that this happens so much-" She fished though her wallet and slapped down enough money to cover both of their drinks.
"Shoot me a text so we can keep working on this. Let me know as soon as you know what you wanna do-" She was halfway to the door and calling back to him.
"-and we can do that. I'm so sorry! I'll see you later, maybe! Don't take any change, I'm leaving a tip!" She was out the door.
Before Ritsu could even digest his hurt and frustration enough to appreciate the humor of the situation, the surly waiter materialized at the table to scoop up his money. "Hardly a tip. Better than what you leave, though."
Ritsu huffed. "If tipping worked, I'd get better service from you."
---------
Three days later, they were in the same booth, in the same seats, while Ritsu added the same cream and sugar to his coffee, and his business partner looked over the same document.
The air between them was far from the same, though Ritsu could hardly help it.
Frustration rolled off of him in waves, every ping and ding and buzz from her purse turning up the intensity of his feelings. Was it too much to ask, that during business hours, during a business appointment, people respect his business partner's time?
She shrank in her seat as her phone made the same jingling sound over and over. "I'm sorry, that's Leo-" She peeked down. "He's a lot. He's kind of relentless." She looked up at him, apologizing with her eyes. "I know this is frustrating." She rubbed her brow with one hand as she tapped the papers on the table with the other. "Y'know, we're probably making too much work of this. You're really good at conveying information, I dont know that you even need my input on this." Her voice was weary.
A cord of anxiety wrapped around Ritsu's throat as she passed over the document and turned to her phone, squinting at it as she rapidly texted.
Was he asking too much, to have her to himself? To conduct business?
The world fell away as Ritsu sank into his own thoughts. He knew that she didn't really need to read anything he wrote, his work was flawless. He would be the first to admit (to himself, and nowhere where it could leave a paper trail) that he took liberties with how much she was truly needed for this. She was no lawyer, and she wasn't capable of doing much for Sinostra beyond running errands and whatever inspector work Darkwick gave her.
His stomach felt hot and his heart felt cold, and as he looked at her, tired, frustrated, and completely ignoring him, he felt like he might be sick right in front of her.
He probably annoyed her. He made her unhappy. He was a chore. A burden. He was one of the many people who put demands on her, and when she was being tugged on by Kurosagi or simpered at by Kusanagi, she grimaced when she received messages from HIM.
"Sorry, that's handled for now, it's been all day with his bullsh-"
"It's fine." Ritsu cut her off and snapped into business mode, tidying away the miscellany that had come out from his briefcase. He was going to cry in front of her if he didn't move swiftly. "I think you're right, that it's adequately handled. I'll submit this today. Right now."
He laid down the exact amount of money for their drinks and took off at a brisk pace, not looking back to see her relief at being free of him.
He did not submit the paperwork, but instead made a beeline for his own bedroom.
After stoically unpacking his bag and uploading his recordings, Ritsu let go, and sat at his desk, and sobbed.
He wanted so badly to have her to himself, to lock her away from the world and hang a Do Not Disturb sign on the door, to have her look at him and only him. For her to want to be there with him.
It hurt. It hurt so badly, to see a goal and not be able to work his way towards it. The gaping chasm between him and his fantasy was that he couldn't just do all of the right things to make her want to be near him. Couldn't make her like him. Couldn't argue his way into her heart.
Ritsu wiped his nose on his sleeve and cried harder. Of course she didn't like him. Nobody ever did. He has an influential family, and money, and a promising career, and he felt like he was attractive enough, but his stumbling block was always his own personality. He couldn't play the games, couldn't ever read the room until he'd already ruined the atmosphere. He pulled too hard and let go too late, and now his beautiful, kind, clever business partner disliked him. Was tired of him. Endured him.
Ritsu moved to his bed to wallow further, to sink into his soft bedding as his heart sank to the floor. He was so humiliated. So sad. He'd tried, in his own way, and failed. And he didn't even know he'd failed until just now. How foolish. How stupid.
He stayed in bed for the better part of an hour, ruminating on his failures and flaws, until his phone pinged. It was the sound he'd assigned to her.
He held his breath and considered getting up to see, but changed his mind. She was polite. And he was annoying.
Another ping. Ritsu's ears perked up. She sometimes did this, where she'd send multiple messages with multiple thoughts. It would annoy him if anybody else were so inefficient in their communication, but from her-
Again?? A third message???? He threw back his comforter and crawled across his bed, reaching for the charging station on the corner of his desk. He wiped his cheeks on his already dirty sleeve and unlocked his phone.
-Hey, you seemed off earlier. Maybe it was just me feeling off. I barely slept, and like I said, Leo's been on some bullshit. It was stressful trying to focus while he blew up my phone.
-I feel like I offended you? I could be wrong, but you seemed upset when you left. Are you alright?
-Would you like to get together sometime outside of business hours? Like just for fun? I would even leave my phone behind, no interruptions!
Ritsu laughed. He- What? She-
His face colored as he realized that he may have misunderstood and overreacted. How fortunate that he'd cried here instead of in front of her.
He turned his phone over and over in his hands and made for his bathroom, needing a task to channel this excited energy into, intent on washing off the residue of his breakdown. His heart was tired, but felt light and bouyant. She was so caring, so compassionate. She'd asked to see him for non-business purposes.
Where, he wondered as he stripped down, would she want to go? Could he take her off campus, maybe to a symphony? His favorite orchestra was going to be in Tokyo soon. He would ask. He would get permission from Darkwick. He would do whatever she wanted.
He turned on the shower and stood in his bathroom, typing and deleting, typing and deleting. He didn't know what he wanted to say yet, only that his heart was sailing up and away, threatening to carry him away and over to her in this state of undress. He blushed at the thought and set his phone down.
It was so senseless, to be drug around by his feelings like this, to crash and soar in the span of an afternoon, to hang so much of his happiness on the whims of one person. He smiled as he chided himself for his earlier behavior.
Ritsu couldn't deny that the benefits of being in love greatly outweighed the costs.