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Kazuki sighs, exhaustion creeping up his spine. “I hope this is going to end soon…” He mutters, towel around his neck and hair still wet from his shower.
The second they came back at the hotel from their battle, Kazuki immediately got in the shower to remove all the sweat and grime off his body. Just to think of the way dirt clings to sweaty skin is enough to make him wrinkle his nose.
It wasn’t a very difficult battle; with it being only a couple of drones this time around, Kazuki was pretty quick in taking them out. Ojiro had sat most of this one out, but it wasn’t anything Kazuki felt concerned with.
He yawns, stretching his arm. Still, the amount of little battles they have to do on the daily feels like they’re starting to take their toll on Kazuki. It’s already been a few weeks of near daily clearing out drones and 24 city tribe members and he’s getting tired.
He glances towards Ojiro on the sofa, who’s basically melting into the cushions. It’s a little relaxing to see him tired like this, considering how they both have had issues sleeping the last few weeks. With Kazuki’s chronic insomnia, and the fact Ojiro sleeps around four hours per night if lucky due to nightmares, they make quite the pathetic pair, together.
They’d shared a bed for almost a month now, with it helping saving on costs… amongst other things. There’s an underlying something, a certain door he doesn’t want or even has the energy to open right now, about them.
“I think I’m going to head to bed soon. Don’t fall asleep on the couch, you still need to take a shower.” He nags him gently, walking up to the sofa to see Ojiro better.
There’s a low, pained grunt from Ojiro, and as he approaches, Kazuki notices how his eyes aren’t just closed, but that he’s squeezing them shut, as if he were in a lot of discomfort. He’s struggling to sit upright on the sofa, as if the pain in his side is making him unable to hold his own body up.
Kazuki’s blood runs cold, and he immediately rushes to Ojiro’s side. "Ojiro? Are you hurt?" There's a brief panic that settles into his stomach, and it's one Kazuki forces himself to swallow down for Ojiro's sake. He can’t let his emotions show on his sleeve until he gets an answer.
Ojiro slowly opens his eyes to look at him, then pauses, inhaling deeply, as if considering his next words carefully. Needless to say, it doesn't help the growing pit forming inside Kazuki's stomach. "…Don’t worry about it." Kazuki finally notices the beads of sweat dripping down his temple, and how pale Ojiro’s skin has turned.
Kazuki’s eyes narrow, feeling his heart racing. "Don’t worry about it?" Kazuki repeats, tone harsher than he intended. “You’re struggling to sit upright, Ojiro. What do you mean, don’t worry about it?”
"It..." Ojiro trails off, looking away. He shrugs with difficulty, and it makes it clear he’s avoiding eye contact with Kazuki, almost out of guilt. It feels like a slap in the face. "...It's nothing to worry about. It doesn't hurt that much." Kazuki doesn't think he's necessarily lying about his pain tolerance, but he's also very aware of Tenshin's disgustingly harsh training that’s made them both underestimate their physical pains.
He takes a deep breath, hoping to settle down some of the anxiety he feels. "…Okay. Let me check whatever it is anyway." Kazuki frowns, crossing his arms, his finger drums against his arm, a form of a nervous tic he's developed over the last few months Zero has emerged. "It doesn’t hurt to make sure."
Ojiro shrugs in response, and starts undressing out of the few layers of clothes he started wearing ever since he’s established himself as ‘Q’ to the rest of the world. Kazuki observes his movement closely, and doesn’t miss how much slower Ojiro is moving. If anything, he starts feeling like an idiot for not noticing his body language much sooner.
Just as he feared, Ojiro severely underestimated the scale of his injury. No, if anything, knowing Ojiro, he might’ve purposefully underestimated it. A large, hand sized bruise is blooming right where his ribs are. It's covered in little scabs, which means it had been bleeding at some point in time. With the shape of the discolouration and general placement, Kazuki can guess Ojiro’s ribs are either bruised, or worse, fractured.
Kazuki swallows thickly, eyes quickly scanning the bruise. "This isn’t ‘nothing to worry about’.” He whispers, gently pressing his finger tips against the multicoloured skin. “...Next time, let me know when you're hurt, Ojiro." He exhales out with more effort than it should have. It's swollen, maybe a few days old by what he can judge via the colouration. Remembering Ojiro’s behaviour from the last few days confirms it to him as well.
It all becomes so terribly obvious now, like a slap in the face; Ojiro’s laboured breathing over the past few days, the way he hasn’t undressed in front of him, his slower movements. How pale he seemed. Small things Kazuki curses himself for not picking on, when he should’ve known better. He knew Ojiro had been knocked pretty hard during a fight, but he didn't think it had been that bad.
There's a low sound of acknowledgement from Ojiro, then he hisses sharply at an unintentional press of Kazuki’s fingers. Kazuki removes his hand as if he had been burned, and it confirms that, clearly, the pain is a lot more significant than what Ojiro is pretending it is.
Kazuki feels his bottom lip trembling, and he bites it down.
He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why Ojiro didn't say anything about this. He's not stupid, and both of them were taught the same general physical health knowledge for sport. There's not a single chance he wasn't aware his ribs were bruised at the bare minimum, if they aren’t fractured, even.
"...Ojiro. Why didn't you say you bruised your ribs?" Kazuki whispers, trying to mask the pain in his own voice. He knows he should start providing care, that he should get up and grab an ice pack at the minimum, but it stings. It stings to feel something as important as this being kept from him.
It hurts. This isn’t what he wanted. It feels like Ojiro is slipping away from him again.
"...I figured it wasn't that serious." Ojiro mutters, and there’s a softness to his tone that just twists the knife in his chest even more.
Kazuki blinks rapidly, eyes widening. In what world could Ojiro think an injury like this wasn't serious enough to speak up about? Does he actually think of it as non serious? Just how much pain has he gone through without Kazuki knowing to disregard something like this?
It's one thing he promised himself, when he first started to think of saving Ojiro back then. Once he'd get him out of there, he'd do everything in his power to keep him from getting hurt again. He’s not perfect, they don’t live in a perfect world. Zero aside, the risk of Ojiro getting injured in a world post Chiyoda castle’s fall isn’t unexpected. It's why they changed his appearance, hiding him to avoid running into anyone with a sense of vengeance for the former king. But, still, spending a couple days with bruised, potentially fractured ribs and not mentioning anything?
Kazuki exhales shakily, his vision unfocused as he fixes the pale, unmarred skin below his bruise. Why is this happening again? He's not an idiot. It's not like he hadn't been noticing a clear self destructive pattern in Ojiro's recent behaviours. The way Ojiro keeps allowing himself pain, as if he's been embracing it like an old friend, instead of rejecting it. The fact he jumps into battle with a carelessness he didn’t have before, as if he secretly wishes to get injured.
Kazuki has noticed, and it hurts to notice something you cannot do anything about. It’s like before, when Ojiro started to close himself off from Kazuki when they were kids.
Kazuki inhales sharply, blinking the burn in his eyes away. "We should..." He starts off, and his eyes snap back up to meet swollen, yellow-purple skin. Kazuki swallows, and there's a tingling sensation in his hand that makes him twitch.
His shoulders drop. He feels powerless. Powerless, because there's nothing he's able to do, if the issue is within Ojiro's head. It’s something he has to accept. There's simply nothing to be done if Ojiro doesn't want to tell him. He can't free Ojiro from his own thoughts, like he's freed him out of Tenshin's grasp.
His hand won't stop trembling. He wasn’t even aware that it had started trembling to begin with. It feels like it's hurting, when nothing should be hurting at the moment. Sharp pain in his joints, travelling down his fingertips, as if his hand is being broken all over again. It locks up in pain, making him hiss softly as he grasps his forearm.
Ojiro seems confused, his features twisted in concern as he's looking down on him. He's not saying anything, most likely waiting for Kazuki to speak first, but the body language is telling enough.
"...Sorry. I'm a little distracted. D-.. Don't mind me." Kazuki chokes out, feeling like there's something lodged inside his throat. It stings. It feels like he’s a child, kidnapped and losing Ojiro all over again. "I think- I think we need..." Words keep on getting caught into his throat, as if his airways are becoming tighter and tighter, like someone is squeezing their hands around his neck.
"...Kazuki?" Ojiro says, but it sounds distant.
Kazuki blinks, and tries to ignore the sharp ache in his joints. "I..." His vision feels blurry, as if he were crying. His eyes feels wet, and he blinks again. He tries to speak again, but his tongue feels like it's taking too much space in his mouth for him to speak. His throat is dry and tight, and he can't swallow properly.
His heart is racing. He doesn't really know what's happening. He feels like he should know, that this probably isn’t the first time something like this has happened before, but Kazuki can't think. Everything feels blurry, his vision is blurry, and it hurts. His hand hurts a lot. It’s travelling up his arm, up to his shoulder, like feeling the bones slowly getting fractured underneath his skin, inch by inch.
He doesn’t know why it hurts so much. It should be mostly, if not fully healed by now, it’s been almost a year since he’s broken his arm now.
He clutches his left arm tightly, panting as unfocused eyes stare at the floor. His breathing feels too fast, yet he feels like he can’t breathe right now. Air doesn’t feel like it’s travelling inside his body fast enough. It feels like he’s back inside that cell, inside of those four walls, after getting crushed by Ojiro’s foot. The air is cold, it’s cold, he’s going to get executed.
He’s lost him. He’s going to get executed because he’s failed. He’s failed at his task. He couldn’t save him. He’s losing him again. Ojiro is hurt, and Kazuki didn’t notice, and now he’s going to lose him.
It feels like his left arm is on fire. He wants to scream, but his throat feels too tight to let anything out. The blurring of his senses doesn’t stop.
Ojiro is saying something, he thinks. Kazuki blinks quickly, trying to focus on the sound of Ojiro’s voice.
"Kazuki." There's urgency and fear in Ojiro's voice. He's touching him, Kazuki realizes. His hand feels warm against his shoulder, his right shoulder, and Kazuki's grip on his own arm falters. “Kazuki.” Their connection, even if light and hesitant on Ojiro's side, feels like it's bringing his thoughts back to somewhere more normal. "Answer me, please."
Kazuki squeezes his eyes shut. Ojiro is still there, with him. They’re in an hotel room in the Princess hotel he’s rented in Shinagawa, together with Ojiro. Kazuki isn’t in that cell, or anywhere near that place. Ojiro hasn't left his spot besides him. He’s been with him this entire time, for the last few months. He's not leaving Kazuki again, not right now.
Kazuki opens his eyes. They’re in a hotel room, on a sofa. The sofa is blue. Ojiro is infront of him.
Kazuki swallows with difficulty. "Wh..." His voice comes out meek, unusually soft. He blinks, and the tears in his eyes makes themselves very present. It's as if he's waking up from a dream, from some kind of nightmare he wasn't even asleep for. He finally lets go of his arm, ignoring the dull ache in his hand, and wipes his the corner of his eyes with his fingertips. "What... What am I answering, exactly?"
Kazuki's response looks like it reassured Ojiro. "...Are you back?" His voice is small, much smaller than a man of his stature should have.
"Well, I… I haven't left this spot now, have I?" Kazuki wants to try to joke, but it comes out flat. His throat is dry, and he really feels like he needs a glass of water. He feels exhausted, as if he just played a long XB match with barely any breaks.
There’s a moment of silence as Ojiro stares down at him. Kazuki thinks the most logical question Ojiro would ask is if he's okay, to which he would reply something along the lines of ‘Yes’, like an hypocritical fool.
He opens his mouth, and before he’s able to say anything, Ojiro wraps his arm around his shoulders, and Kazuki’s brought into a loose half hug.
"I'm sorry." Ojiro whispers softly. "I… didn't consider your feelings." His tone is soft, gentle, just as kind as when they were children. He's not squeezing him tightly, it's a pathetic excuse of a hug, but it feels enough. It feels safe.
Kazuki is speechless. He wets his lips, but words are getting stuck inside of his throat again. “Mh…?” He makes a questioning sound, frozen in place, body suddenly too exhausted to move.
“I’m sorry, Kazuki.” Ojiro squeezes him tighter, and his voice is full of regret. Realisation clicks in Kazuki’s brain; Ojiro wasn’t purposefully withholding information. He’s used to shutting himself off from everyone else now, to bearing everything on his own from years of Tenshin’s grooming.
Kazuki wants to tell him that it’s okay, that nothing is wrong, but it would be a lie obvious to the both of them. Plus, it would be quite hypocritical, considering not even a few minutes ago he was telling him off about keeping quiet from his wound, only to keep quiet about his own issues.
“…I forgive you, Ojiro.” He says with difficulty. He knows this is what Ojiro needs to hear in the moment. “I know.. I know it’s difficult for you right now.” Kazuki whispers, squeezing him back with as much strength as he can manage in the moment. He feels his fingers touch skin instead of fabric, and is reminded that Ojiro is still half naked.
Ojiro hums in reply, his grip on Kazuki loosening. Kazuki exhales softly, pushing himself out of their brief embrace. “Put your shirt back on, Ojiro.” He grabs his discarded shirt on the couch, handing it back to Ojiro. “… And, you need to ice your bruise. With the hope that it is simply bruised, I still think you should reduce the swelling down. It should help with numbing the pain, either way.”
“…Okay.”
Kazuki sighs, rubbing his face with his hand. “Aah. I’m exhausted.” He doesn’t have any energy left in him to even pretend anything, but he knows Ojiro has seen it all before. His raw, unfiltered self, the one he masks out for everyone else. “I think I’m going to head to bed.” He pauses. “Are you going to join me?”
Ojiro’s gaze turns downcast. He looks like a sad, wet cat in Kazuki’s eyes.“…Is that alright?”
Kazuki rolls his eyes, but he understands Ojiro’s concern. “One… attack isn’t going to make me want to make you sleep on the couch, Ojiro. Yes, you can sleep in the bed.”
Ojiro nods slowly. “Alright.” There’s a pause, and he looks like he’s thinking on what to do next. “…I’ll shower. And grab some ice.” He says softly, getting up from the couch.
Kazuki smiles. “Thank you.”