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Stelle fully knew that this would happen sooner or later.
It would only take so many pairs of three from five people that she would end up on a trailblazing journey with Mr. Yang and Dan Heng.
She fully knew and still, she was not prepared. Although… she wasn’t really worried about the combat, the dynamic, the team composition and the journey itself—no, she was more than happy to travel with the two. And yet she stepped outside the Astral Express dreading one thing.
A trailblazing adventure is never complete without an overnight stay at an inn or a hotel. Sure, they were forces to be reckoned with at the battlefield but in the end, they still needed a good night’s sleep to recuperate.
Except Stelle lately had been having trouble sleeping.
Perhaps it’s just the Stellaron in her being a Stellaron, but compared to her first night at Belabog, her dreams had become more and more vivid as time passed by. She wasn’t even sure if it should be called her dreams, she never saw herself in the dream nor did she feel like she was seeing things with her own eyes. Her dreams would be akin to a movie and she would always be someone else, playing the role of being corrupted by the Stellaron within.
It’s uncomfortable. It’s suffocating. It’s inescapable.
She would always wake up drenched in sweat, gasping for air, pupils dilated and it would be impossible to go back to her slumber.
Nights at Belobog back then were manageable at best. The dreams were already getting worse but she told herself to suck it up, that perhaps this is her punishment for being a vessel for a ticking time bomb.
She thought, maybe the nightmares would go away once she comes back to the Express?
It didn’t.
And it was slowly draining her, mentally and emotionally.
That was when she finally talked to March 7th about it and shyly asked if she could sleep in her room, hoping her company would keep the nightmares away. She added that she was fine sleeping on the floor with just a mattress, but no, March insisted they would sleep on the same bed, it has enough room for the two of them anyway.
And so, it became a habit. Stelle still had her own room but every night she went to bed with March and the nightmares finally died down for the first time in a while.
Stelle learned cuddles, snuggles and pretty much the general concept of touch from her roommate. March loved hugging her and kissing her cheek or forehead any time she could. It wasn’t that bad, she thought to herself at first. In fact, it was very comforting that she grew to love it and looked forward to it every night.
Somehow her little secret passed on to Himeko. When she had to travel to another planet without March, she had no choice but to tell Himeko about her trouble sleeping. She was more than happy to oblige, of course. (Stelle found out herself that Himeko was actually much more affectionate than March. The navigator teased her that she misses the warmth of another woman.)
Stelle knew there will come a day she will travel both without March and Himeko, but she kept running away from that fact just until it was announced at their navigation meeting that she’ll be paired with Mr. Yang and Dan Heng this time.
Just before they took off, she consulted Himeko about her worries. But the navigator chuckled, “Don’t worry, dear. I’m sure if you tell either of them, they wouldn’t mind at all,” she said, reaching for her cheek as she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear fondly. “We all have our troubles and secrets here. But I know we try our best to look out for each other.”
On their first night after setting up camp at a forest, Stelle volunteered to keep watch while her companions slept but Mr. Yang insisted that she should actually sleep.
“Stelle,” he said, keeping his voice low to not disturb the dozing Dan Heng. “I’m saying this as your guardian, you need to sleep. You’re the one tanking the damage for us and I can tell you’re worn down after all the battles we did today. My conscience will never let me sleep throughout the whole week if something happens to you tomorrow and the following days.”
Stelle looked up at him with pleading eyes. She recalled Himeko’s words and finally decided to let him know about her nightmares and her… unusual sleeping habits.
Mr. Yang listened to her every word. After she finished her exposition, he could only push back his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “I see. That’s quite a dilemma, although I do understand the circumstances.”
The trailblazer fidgeted with her index fingers shyly. “U-Um, I know it’s a lot to ask but would you–“ she cut herself short as the realization dawned upon her.
Mr. Yang seemed to have caught on to her train of thought. “As much as I want to help you Stelle, I’m afraid you won't be able to sleep as well, not because of the nightmares but because of my snoring.”
They both looked at each other at the same time and burst into a small laugh. “You’re right,” Stelle chuckled. “There’s a reason we literally cannot hear anything from outside your room.”
“You can still ask him, you know,” he gestured at the sleeping Nameless with his chin.
“I mean… I can, but…” Even until now she couldn’t pinpoint the reason she feels different at the thought of it when compared to being with March or Himeko. She sighed in defeat as she hugged her knees closer to her chest. “I don’t want to impose on him,” she finally admitted. “I know he likes his space and all…”
“Ah, Stelle,” she felt his hand patting the crown of her head, the tone of his voice suggesting he was smiling. “You should get to know him more. He’s much warmer than he lets on.”
Stelle recalled the conversation as they’re walking towards the city, looking at her companions who were ahead of her. It took almost two days to get to the city from where they landed and she barely had any wink of sleep ever since. It was showing in her combat skills; her lance wasn’t hitting as hard, taunting and taking hits for them was proving to be more difficult than usual.
She had to sleep but that also meant she had to tell Dan Heng her silly, little secret. It’s not that she doesn’t trust him—she wholeheartedly does. It’s just that everytime she thinks about sharing a bed makes her heart feel… things that seemed different when it’s with March and Himeko.
It’s one thing that they would share a bed (granted if he even agrees) but it’s a whole different thing to tell him she liked being cuddled to sleep. How would he even react? Would he stare at her in horror? Would it be too big of a favor to ask? She couldn’t really tell..
Stelle looked again at Dan Heng’s back and heaved a sigh out loud. She had to brave this—whatever this feeling is—or else she might just be a burden to the team if she’s too exhausted to keep up with the pace.
Her sigh caught Dan Heng’s attention and he glanced at her from his periphery. “Are you alright, Stelle? We’re almost there.”
“About time,” she grumbled, pushing away her nosy thoughts at the back of her mind.
“First thing we’ll do is check-in at a hotel,” Mr. Yang paused and looked back at the trailblazer. “Our Stelle here looks like she could use some sleep or two.”
Dan Heng paused too and looked back at her. “Actually, you should be in front of us. Your face looks like you’ll pass out any moment now and I’m worried we’d leave you in the middle of the street unknowingly.”
Stelle scowled as she waved her hand, dismissing them. “C’mon guys, you know me better than that. I can even take on an Elite right now if I want to.”
Mr. Yang let out a small laugh and turned around to continue walking. “Alright, kid. Don’t push yourself too hard.”
Meanwhile Dan Heng looked at her a second longer and suddenly offered his hand. “C’mon, it’s not far away from here.”
Stelle blinked at the hand before her, her mind drawing a blank on what she was even supposed to do.
“I told you, you should be in front of us. I know you’re having a hard time hiking this slope so take my hand, I’ll help you up.” He then broke into a rare amused smile that Stelle could swear he was actually about to tease her. “See, if I were an Elite enemy I would’ve ambushed you already.”
Heat rushed quickly through her cheeks. Was she already hallucinating from the lack of sleep? It had always been her teasing him, not the other way around. She couldn’t even find the words to retort. Defeated, she took his hand anyway and mumbled, “Th-thanks.”
It wasn’t long until they arrived at the city and found a hotel not far away from the Space Anchor they found near the entrance. Stelle’s heartbeat pounded against her chest as they entered the hotel lobby. It was so unusual for her to feel so nervous and restless over something so trivial but it is what it is.
She breathed through her mouth and cracked her knuckles out of habit as thousands of thoughts ran through her mind all at once. Mr. Yang was talking to the receptionist and she was sure she heard him book three rooms as they agreed on that night.
Everything after that was a blur until she came to her senses in the hallway, bidding Mr. Yang a good night with a wave. Just then, she turned around the sound of trudging luggage behind her and saw Dan Heng unlocking the door in front of the room beside hers.
She opened her mouth and hesitated immediately. Would tonight be an exception to her nightmares? Most likely not. The answer to her problem was right there in front of her but something inside her that she couldn’t exactly pinpoint was holding her back.
“Dan Heng,” she managed to speak up, hoping she could just get it over with.
He paused with his hand on the doorknob. “Stelle?”
They stared at each other for what seemed an eternity for her. Why was it so hard to ask for help? Oh how she wished he could just read her thoughts so she’d skip all this fidgeting with words (and feelings). He’s smart, clever and sometimes gives off this vibe of being all-knowing; that attitude could really come in handy right now. And yet, he was patiently waiting for her to continue. “Nothing, I… I just want to say good night.”
He tilted his head to the side for a moment and his face was back to the same ol’ deadpan expression he always donned. “Good night, Stelle,” he said as he twisted the doorknob open.
Stelle tucked herself to sleep and let out a sigh at the ceiling. After a couple of nights of camping outside, finally being in an actual room slightly calmed down her nerves. The soft mattress of the bed, the nightlight beside her, the city lights illuminating her windows; the atmosphere alone was enough to let her guard down and her eyelids drooped, heavy with weariness.
The uneasiness within her mind never left, growing louder and louder as she slowly closed her eyes. Please don’t let me dream of anything, she thought to herself before succumbing to slumber.
Not long after, she finds herself in a busy commerce town with merchants along the alleyway waving and peddling their wares at her. You won’t find a better price—I have the highest quality of goods—would you like a free taste of bubble tea? Everyone is speaking at the same time and yet she feels delighted walking down the busy street.
She stops at a merchant selling handmade fans and picks one with the colorway that reminded of her mother, thinking it would be a good gift once she is free from her work.
“Always a pleasure to do business with our amicassador,” the merchant smiles, handing her the gift-wrapped purchase.
The scene immediately changes into a certain night at the furnace. She gently runs her hand along the protruding roots forcing its way against the wooden floor tiles. “It’s almost time. It won’t be long until this ship bursts into flames from within,” she chuckles to herself menacingly. “Ah, I can’t wait to crush the general with my own hands and plunge everything into chaos. Destruction works in fascinating ways…”
The scene changes yet again, this time it shifts from one fleeting moment to another in haste. A soldier writhes in pain, screaming in agony as golden leaves grow from his limbs. Fire envelopes the once developed city, civilians running in panic as they cry for help. Lifeless bodies are lined up along the streets. The helpless army charges their lances through their own people driven to madness, falling one after another. A grief-stricken soldier shrieks, “the general is dead!”
She floats above the destroyed ship, laughing hysterically at her own masterpiece. “Such feeble strength wouldn’t dare survive this calamity. The universe will end in destruction as it should!“ She then stretches her arm before her. “Hm, this body was fun while it lasted. But enough of this farce, I must make myself presentable for THEM.” With a swift motion, she snaps her neck to the side–
Stelle shot up from her bed, clutching her chest with her heart beating aggressively as though it might burst out any moment now. Sweat formed beads on her forehead as she continued to gasp for air.
Was that… another Stellaron? Nevermind that dream for now, she needed to breathe. She buried her head in her hands and let out a groan in frustration. Perhaps being sleep deprived and risking her life in battle was much better than first-hand experiencing Stellaron disasters in her dreams.
She threw her blanket to the side and fumbled for her phone in the dark, checking the time. It was only two in the morning; she still had the whole night ahead of her. If she ever went back to sleep, who knows what calamity will she see through another pair of eyes? She never wanted to think of it as foreshadowing, but carrying such visions whether they were real or not was starting to overwhelm her.
Pacing her breathing as she practiced with March, she scrolled through her phone mindlessly in hopes that maybe distracting herself would make her forget what she just saw.
She cleaned her notification bar and dismissed spam messages without a thought. Just then, her thumb hovered over her text conversation with Dan Heng. Various thoughts ran through her mind but her racing heartbeat reminded her of the upsetting scenes that she’d rather not experience all over again.
Stelle: Are you up
She closed her eyes firmly before pressing send. She peeked with one eye a second after to confirm that yes, she did message him at ass o’clock without even considering if he’s awake at an hour like this. Was he the type to stay up all night, she wondered. Maybe? He seemed like the type to stay up organizing the data bank. But obviously they’re not at the Express so he’s most likely asleep. Stupid, stupid Stelle.
She scolded herself for feeling shy in the first place. Now that she thought about it, there wasn’t really any reason to feel that. They literally fought a Stellaron together and he watched her get pierced to death, so what was the holdup about sleeping on the same bed? Wait, she interrupted her own train of thought, those are two unrelated things but anyway her point still stands—
She jolted in surprise when a notification popped up on her screen.
Dan Heng: Why are you still awake?
She stared at the message and found herself actually… smiling? And foolishly at that. As if she wasn’t panicking just minutes ago. Symptoms of sleep deprivation were clearly starting to show.
Stelle: I take that as a yes
Stelle got up from the bed and grabbed her pillow. She had to act right now or else she might not have this opportunity again.
She recalled what Ms. Himeko and Mr. Yang said and decided to trust her Stellaron-fortified guts. They had been telling her all along that he, like every person in the Express, would always help her without hesitation. And now that she thought about it, if their places were reversed, she wouldn’t think twice to do the same for him.
She stood in front of Dan Heng’s room with her pillow and a dream—or a nightmare, rather. She was still in her tank top and shorts but truthfully, she couldn’t give a shit if somebody were to pass the hallway and see her like that, she had other things to worry about.
Stelle: I’m at your door
A faint jazz rhythm rang across the eerily empty hallway. She hugged her pillow to her chest, impatiently tapping her feet. Was she worried that he already fell asleep in between her texts? Yes. But it was a stroke of luck enough to get a reply from him in the first place, she felt she could push her luck even more.
The door before her creaked open eventually, revealing a Dan Heng with uncharacteristic disheveled hair. Did he just wake up? “Need something?”
She took a deep breath and then — “CanIsleepinyourroom?” The words were out before she could stop and overthink (which has never been her forte) but finally, it was about time.
“Huh?” He blinked at her in a daze, perhaps finally seeing the pillow she’s hugging, and surprisingly opened the door wider for her. “Come in,” he said, rubbing the sleep off of his eyes.
It was Stelle’s turn to blink at him, bewildered at his… nonchalant reaction. “I-Is it really okay?”
“Of course.” He gestured towards his room with a nod. “Come in before someone else sees you in that.”
An enormous weight was lifted from her shoulders. It was as simple as that! Okay, she really still had much to learn about him. His mysterious and shut-off aura in general didn’t help with her biased assumptions of him anyway.
Well, maybe this would be a good time to get to know him better.
She stepped inside and awkwardly stood on one spot, lost on what she was supposed to do now that she was here. She was also like this with March at first, and of course March and Dan Heng were different–quite opposite in fact–so she couldn’t just plop down the bed without a care in the world like she would usually do.
“Can’t sleep either?” he asked as he turned on the nightlight on the bedside table.
Either? she noted in the back of her mind. “Y-Yeah. It’s been difficult these past few days.”
“I could tell. You were spacing out, even in the middle of our battles. Is everything alright?” He sat on the edge of the bed and tapped the space beside him, signaling to her.
She followed suit, consciously not meeting his look. “It’s not that serious, I promise. It’s just that…”
“Out with it, Stelle. I already saw you come back from the dead, surely you must trust me now—”
“I do trust you,” she blurted out, more forcefully than she expected. “I just feel weird about this… thing in my mind.”
“Weird?”
“Okay, so—” she exhaled. “You know how I get dreams or nightmares of other people whenever we travel because of the Stellaron around the area?”
“Since Belobog, right?”
She nodded and continued, “Yeah. And well, lately it has been getting more and more… realistic? Like, it’s so vivid that I feel like I’m living through the experience in someone else’s skin and I’d always claw my way out to wake up. It’s so draining going through that every night. I thought it’ll go away once I get back at the Express but it didn’t. Maybe it’s the Stellaron inside me? I don’t know. Anyway, I talked to March about it and the bottom line is we pretty much sleep together every night.”
She sneaked a glance at him for any sort of reaction from her rambling but she saw he was actually listening eagerly to her. He caught her glance and tilted his head. “Then…?”
She cleared her throat. “Then… uhm… Himeko also knows about this. So when March is away, I go to sleep with Himeko. The nightmares don't completely stop, of course. But the company of someone else around makes it comfortable for me to sleep soundly.”
“I see,” he nodded to himself as if confirming his thoughts. “This is a serious thing. You should’ve told either of us sooner, I’m sure we would have worked something out.”
“I told Mr. Yang about it but… you know how he snores,” she shrugged.
He let out a small tired laugh. “You’re right, nevermind him. Well, why didn’t you tell me until–” he looked up at the wall clock, “–two in the morning?”
“I-I know you like your space and privacy and I would be imposing on you. But it’s taking a toll on me and I don’t want to end up being a burden to you both, and you’re my only option here so…”
Her voice trailed as she watched Dan Heng stand in front of her. Suddenly, his hands were on her shoulders and he looked her in the eye. “Stelle, you’re a member of the Astral Express,” he said matter of factly. “I will do my best to look out for you just like any other member of the Express, don’t even think about what I prefer or whatnot.”
Hearing those words straight from his mouth with such a sincere look on his face left her speechless. She could only look back at him with her mouth slightly open, unable to find the words to reply or, hell, even retort in the usual Stelle-fashion.
They stayed at that moment a second longer until Dan Heng pulled away from her as he shyly cleared his throat. “U-Um so, you can sleep on my bed. I’m fine with sleeping on the couch over here.”
He was about to walk away from her when she quickly grabbed onto his wrist. “Dan Heng, wait! D-Don’t go…”
“Hm?”
“...like to be… sleep…” she murmured in the lowest voice possible.
“Stelle?”
“I said, I-I like to be cuddled to s-sleep.”
An awkward silence befell between them, save for the ticking of the wall clock ringing across the room.
She cautiously looked up at Dan Heng who seemed to have frozen in place. Were it not for the dim light from the lamp on the bedside table, she wouldn’t have been able to see how terribly flushed he was.
This night was just full of surprises coming from both of them.
“C-Cuddles, huh…” he said in the most unconvincing calm and composed tone she’s ever heard from him so far.
“I-I’m sorry. I… I just learned I sleep better when I’m being hugged.”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose, distress written all over his face. “P-Please, don’t apologize,” he stumbled on his words. “I-In fact I should be the one apologizing to you because I’m… inexperienced in that sort of thing.”
Well, she was just as inexperienced too, she wanted to add—
“...But if it will help you sleep, I’ll do it,” he continued. “As long as you can overlook how bad I’ll be.”
That elicited a chuckle from Stelle. Who knew the stoic and stern Dan Heng would be shaken at the thought of cuddles? “We’ll be fine, I hope. We’ll figure it out,” she said coolly; but really, it was more of a pep talk to herself.
She never thought she’d see him up so close again. She searched his face as she wondered if he’s thinking of the same thing, too.
“I-Is there something on my face?” he asked.
“N-No, I just…I remembered when I first woke up at the space station. You were almost this close when I opened my eyes.”
He looked amused for a moment, averting his eyes away from hers. “Can we… forget about that. It’s just what I was taught, okay?”
“Nope,” she teased, popping the p for emphasis. “Quite impossible to forget something like that.”
He let out an all-too familiar exasperated sigh that oddly made her feel relieved. Okay, at least things were still the same between them.
She found it quite amusing how he still kept a bit of distance between them, perhaps still respecting her space. It reminded her of her first time in March's bed. Stelle was awfully awkward and too self-aware that she’s occupying space where she assumed she shouldn’t be. But thankfully March held her hand, literally and figuratively, through the concept of skinship with such gentleness and kindness. She showed her how to wrap one's arms in a hug, how to loosen the tension in her muscles, how to touch someone comfortably for both parties, how warm a kiss to a forehead was.
Everything about Dan Heng right now reminded her of pre-cuddle-aware-Stelle, stiff posture and all, and so she thought of making the first move this time.
“Here,” she placed her hand, palm facing up, on the small space between them. “Hold my hand.”
He looked at her hand for a second until ever so gently, he placed his own, locking his fingers with hers. His movements seemed unsure, as though it was his first time being this close to another person.
They stayed that way for a few moments until– “Your hand, it’s cold,” she spoke without thinking, as she always did. This was a clear indication that she’s back to her usual self.
“Oh…” She felt him tense. “Is it a bad thing?”
“No, not at all. I like it, actually. It feels refreshing for some reason.”
“That’s good,” he breathed a sigh of relief. “Your… hand is warm.”
“Is it a bad thing?” she returned the question.
“No.” His thumb traced circles against the back of her palm. “It’s comforting. Feels just right.”
Her gaze unconsciously lowered down to their intertwined hands and felt a strange ache within her chest.
She would be lying to herself if she denied ever thinking about what Dan Heng’s touch would feel like. Of course the thought crossed her mind, at least more times than she wanted to admit, but she never thought she’d get to this point. Sure, her curiosity would overwhelm her at times, but she also respected that he’s simply the type of person that likes his space. And so she could only daydream of it.
That was, until tonight.
Stelle turned back to Dan Heng. He was also looking at their hands in wonder as he continued to gently rub his thumb against hers.
She inched forward, slightly closing the gap between them, as she tightened her grip, their palms pressed against one another. She knew she’s starting to feel greedy but her curiosity was getting the better of her at this point.
“Stelle,” he looked up at her. “Does this cuddle thing really work?”
She snapped out of her thoughts as their eyes met. “Oh, uhm… so far, yeah. The nightmares seemed to have died down since I started going to sleep with company.”
There was a brief silence before he spoke again. “Do you think it would work on me, too?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been having… nightmares as well. I had one just tonight, I woke up right before I got your message.”
Stelle thought to herself for a moment if it was wise to pry something personal further.
He gave her a wry smile. “No need to be considerate. I’m sure you’re aware of how I’ve been running from my past. I do see when you’ve opened my data bank entry, you know?”
Aeons, there it was that small teasing again. “S-Sorry,” she stammered.
He squeezed her hand as reassurement. “Don’t be. It’s there to be seen anyway.”
“So, what do you dream about?”
“Sometimes I get reminded exactly why I’m running away, other times I see my past catching up to me.”
“The past, huh…” she pondered. “I don’t exactly have a past, instead I’m most likely punished to experience everyone else’s.” She took a jab at herself as a joke but truth be told, she was starting to feel frustrated about it. “Sometimes I’m worried that what I see aren’t past experiences anymore but foreshadowing. But that… that’s too much, even for me.”
“What if you’ll end up experiencing my nightmare when I’m this close to you?” He sighed bitterly. “Being chased by someone dangerous isn’t what I’d call as me helping you.”
“Well, at least that’s better than any data bank entry I’ll ever read,” she grinned.
It must’ve been just the lack of sleep playing tricks on her eyes but she swore she saw him smile softly at her. Only slightly, but it was definitely there. “You really are something.”
She did think this was a good opportunity to learn more about him but now she wasn’t so sure if she’ll be able to handle this gap that she never knew the longer this night went. Mr. Yang’s words rang through her mind: He’s much warmer than he lets on. Maybe that was his way of telling her ‘if you know, you know.’
But of course, Stelle didn’t scour the entire population of trash cans in Belobog for no reason. Curiosity has always been her middle name and she wants to know more about everything. She wanted to reach out to him, trace the features of his face, run her fingers along that red streak below his eye, feel the touch of his skin more than just the comfort from his hand–
“Sure am,” was all she could reply. Despite this intense yearning bubbling within her, she still wanted to play it cool.
He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I… I’m not sure how March or Miss Himeko go about this but just let me know what you want me to do and I’ll do my best.”
“I want closer than this.”
Okay, so maybe playing it cool could only last a few seconds.
“Closer? How do I–wait, have I read about this somewhere before–”
She couldn’t help but to laugh. He was just like her, for real. Well… except the reading part.
Stelle pushed aside the intense feeling for now and decided to recall the ways March taught her as she let go of his hand (trying not to notice the fading cool sensation on her palm).
“I did say we’ll figure it out.” She propped herself up with her elbows and hovered over Dan Heng as she lightly pressed down his shoulder. “Lie down and put out your arm on my side.” She gestured at her pillow with her chin. “I’m going to rest my head on your arm, so tell me if it feels heavy or something, okay?”
“O-Okay…”
He did what he was told. She only meant to glance at him but found herself stunned at how the moonlight seeping from the window gently shone upon him in the darkness.
Had he always been this serene?
She was even more stunned when she saw he was also staring at her, his cheeks flushed pink.
They looked away almost at the same time and Stelle chided herself to focus as she slid back to the bed. He most definitely tensed as soon as her neck touched the cotton of his sleeve but he relaxed soon after.
She shifted a bit to get herself comfortable, but what about him? “How’s this?” she asked.
“All good, don’t worry about me.”
“Okay,” she managed to breathe despite the growing ache within her heart, leaning her head towards him and placing her hand on his chest.
Will this strange feeling go away when she closes her eyes? she wondered.
Instead, it got worse as she felt his arm wrap around her shoulder in a partial embrace and his hand envelop hers, fingers locked and all.
It was not until now that she remembered she was only wearing her smallclothes. And at that moment, she suddenly became aware more than ever of every sensation she felt all over: his body warmth enveloping her upper body, his free hand running through her hair gently, their legs tangled with one another, the subtle rhythm of his heartbeat, the fresh scent of soap from his neck that was exactly how she imagined him to smell like—
It was too much.
Too much for her poor heart to process. It felt like it was about to burst with how fast it was beating. It almost felt unfair that his heartbeat was calm compared to hers. Was she the only one losing her mind about all of this?
Whereas March and Himeko seem to know what they are doing when it comes to skinship that Stelle just follows their lead, being with Dan Heng felt like they are exploring each other’s touch together for the first time. So intimate it’s making Stelle lightheaded from the blood rushing through her cheeks.
“Am I doing this right?” he suddenly asked, cutting off any more of her internal monologue.
“Y-Yeah. If I didn’t know better I could’ve sworn you’re not as inexperienced as you told me,” she teased him like normal, in order to calm down her mind, to convince herself that this wasn’t anything special.
“I really am. This… this is my first time.”
Oh.
“W-Well, ah—I’m honored.” Her voice shook and she had to lower down her voice to almost a whisper, “Thank you for doing this for me, by the way.”
He started to stroke her hair slowly. “I told you, this is the least I could do.”
“I… I hope this will help you, too. About the nightmares, I mean,” she added hastily.
He opened his mouth and paused for a breath. “I have a feeling it will,” he continued, a hint of relief in his voice. “Is there something more I should do?”
Stelle found herself looking up at him, as if looking for clues whether she’s not the only one who’s feeling lightheaded with how close they were.
She almost wanted time to stop at that moment, so she could study his features more intently. Maybe it was the moonlight casting a gentle glimmer on his skin or the dim nightlight on their bedside accentuating the atmosphere, but she never realized just how attractive he looked from up close until now.
She wanted to remember the hue of the red streak beneath his eye, the gradient of his eye color, the way locks of hair curled at the side to frame his face, the small scar just above his upper lip that he must have gotten in battle today.
“A k-kiss…” she trailed off. She ought to correct herself, a forehead kiss specifically but her eyes, or rather her mind, had already wandered down to his lips.
Her first memory.
Are they as soft as she had always thought it would be, she mused.
Perhaps he felt her eyes on him, and he looked down to meet her searching gaze. His lips slightly parted to mouth ‘kiss’, most likely to himself.
As several moments pass, they both didn’t let go of each other’s gazes nor did they want to.
She then felt his heartbeat race, with each soft thump against her palm growing stronger. This was it, the sign she had been looking for.
Her own heartbeat rang in her ear as heat spread through her cheeks down to her neck.
“Stelle…” His fingers softly trailed her jawline, sending shivers throughout her body.
They’re both nervous to move it forward, that much they understood without a word. And yet—
His hand carefully cupped her cheek. Even as his thumb brushed against her skin, he maintained his longing eyes on her.
She closed her eyes in anticipation. She heard the bedsheet shifting ever so slightly, then there was warmth inches away from her own lips. So, so close—
Bam!
The room just across theirs forcefully slammed the door shut.
Stelle flinched in surprise. When she opened her eyes again, she saw Dan Heng laying his head back on his pillow and clearing his throat as if nothing happened.
“Aeons,” she muttered under her breath. What a convenient (sarcastic) inconvenience. She too cleared her throat as an attempt to dispel whatever awkwardness that came from the abrupt end of the built-up tension. “We really should sleep.”
“Y-Yes. We still have a long day tomorrow—later,” he concurred.
“Mhm.”
She ought to distance away from her position, as she’s suddenly filled with embarrassment that she’s maybe too close for comfort to him.
She was about to pull away when Dan Heng instead pulled her closer to his side, almost wrapping her in a one-arm embrace. “Good night, Stelle.”
Well, she takes that as a yes to continue cuddling, despite what just happened.
She steadied her breathing as she shifted a bit to make herself comfortable laying on his shoulder. “Good night, Dan Heng.”
It wasn’t long until her eyelids felt heavy, now that the tension had fizzled into a familiar, comfortable silence between them. Perhaps her mind had recognized it’s safe and secure once again to fall back to sleep at the comfort of someone’s arms, far away from the possibility of a nightmare.
Just before she fell back into a slumber, the last thing she felt was a light kiss to her forehead.
“I’ll do better next time, I promise.”
————
The next morning when the three Astral Express members reconvened at the hotel lobby, there was a noticeable pep in Stelle’s step.
Welt, of course, was more than happy to point it out. “Everything went alright last night, Stelle?”
“It was good,” she replied, bouncing on her heels. She snuck a quick glance towards Dan Heng who happened to catch her looking. They share a fleeting, knowing smile before she continued, “Yup. Better than I expected.”