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Pedri awoke to the unpleasant sound of his phone ringing. He begrudgingly opened his eyes, just slightly so he could quickly glance at the clock on the wall of his bedroom.
2:04 AM.
Who the hell could possibly need me right now?
He groaned loudly and rolled over to his side, patting his hand on the nightstand to find his phone. He brought the screen to his face and oh-
Gavi.
His annoyance started waning off and he moved to click the green pick up button. However his finger hesitated before making contact with the screen. An overwhelming amount of possibilities went through his mind on why his boyfriend could need him at this time– surely he was okay, right?
He didn’t waste anymore time. The line could drop at any second. “Gavi?”
Silence.
“Gavi? Are you there?”
Nothing.
“Are you okay? What’s going on?”
Pedri swore he couldn’t hear any sign of life from the other end. But suddenly, he heard Gavi’s(?) breath hitch, and before he could ask, a pained sob.
Pedri shot up and sat up straight on his bed immediately. “Love? Talk to me, what's wrong?”
“I-I-I…” Loud sniffles. “I’m sorry I don’t know what I was doing I’m-”
“Don’t apologize Gav, it's okay. Just take some deep breaths for me.”
“ImsorryIpanickedandnowImatyourfrontdoor?”
“...Slower, sweetheart. I can’t understand you.”
He could hear Gavi take a deep breath. “I’m sorry for bothering you in the middle of the night but I just–I’m– I’m kind of at your front door right now?”
Pedri blanked. What? “I–no that’s okay, let me get the door, I’m right there in a sec.”
“I’m sorry I just– I really needed you and I didn’t know what to d-” Gavi cut himself off by hanging up once he heard Pedri’s hand moving the doorknob on the other side.
Pedri opened the door to a sight. Gavi was sat on his doorstep: Pedri guessed that he was leaning on the door by the way he jolted up. His eyes were completely bloodshot. There were prominent tear stains on his cheek and he could visibly see how much his hands were shaking. Pedri tried to read his eyes and saw too much of what exactly he wasn’t hoping for: fear, dread, sadness, hopelessness, shame.
He crouched down to be on the same level as his boyfriend was and scooped him up in his arms. He noted the way Gavi tensed at the touch but continued to hold him tightly and bring him inside. By the time he placed them both on his couch, tears were flowing out of Gavi’s eyes in earnest.
He wanted to ask what was wrong but the moment felt too delicate. He had seen Gavi upset and crying before, of course– but in that particular moment he felt like he had seen something he’d never seen before. He didn’t see the usual spark in his eyes that Gavi would have no matter the situation at hand. Instead he found emptiness. It felt like Gavi’s soul laid bare in front of him.
Instead, he continued holding Gavi as he cried and gently rocked him back and forth, only stopping momentarily to gently wipe away the tears. After what felt like hours, Pedri felt his lover’s breathing come back to a normal pace and the dampness on Gavi’s cheek stopped replenishing.
He slightly adjusted their embrace and held Gavi’s face in his hands like he was the most precious gem in this world. He hated what he saw–he had never seen Gavi look so… defeated. He also couldn’t remember the last time he had gone so long in his presence without hearing his voice.
“...Wanna talk about it?”
Gavi stayed silent. His nose and eyebrows scrunched up in the adorable way they always do when he's seriously considering something.
“We could just cuddle and sleep and talk about it tomorrow. Your choice. Whatever you’d like.”
Gavi opened his mouth slightly but it quickly shut again. It was clear to Pedri that something was deeply troubling him.
“You’re not bothering me or anything, you don’t have to feel bad. I’m here for you forever and always. And right now, I’m all ears.”
Gavi twitched again. “I have to tell you. I can’t– I’ll never tell you if I don’t tell you now.”
Pedri softly hummed, he didn’t really understand what Gavi was getting at. “Take your time.”
“It’s about…what happened at the game yesterday.”
The last game of the season versus Athletic Club. It wasn’t a stressful match, quite the opposite really. The league was secured long ago and they had already celebrated their domestic treble. The team had won the game comfortably and on top of that, Gavi had a MOTM worthy performance. What could’ve possibly upset Gavi in that flawless game?
Pedri frowned, frustrated at himself for not being able to pick up what was bothering his boyfriend. “What happened at the game baby?”
“He was in the crowd.”
His patience was really being tested now. Gavi wasn't giving him any information at all by saying "he". But Pedri wasn’t frustrated and annoyed with Gavi at all, not even a little bit. He could see how difficult it was for him to talk about … whatever this could be.
Gavi started again, quieter. “He used to be a coach. At La Masia. I–He– I was his favorite.” He took a deep breath in. Pedri could see his chin trembling. He gently brought his hand forward to cradle Gavi’s jaw in his hands but pulled back as if the action burned him, when Gavi flinched at the movement.
Something was really wrong. The feeling of dread that was slowly growing in Pedri’s stomach became suffocating.
“He doesn’t coach there anymore because he was arrested. He was sent to prison. I–We were really close…”
Pedri was taken aback. “Oh shit, what did he get arrested for?”
Gavi averted his gaze to the other side of the room. “Sexual abuse of a child under sixteen years old. Multiple offenses.”
Gavi spit it out quickly. He wanted to get it out and let it go immediately. He didn’t want to have any association with what was coming out of his mouth. The more he thought about it, the more he could feel it.
Now, Pedri was really taken aback. Gavi’s past coach was arrested for such a heinous crime, but felt bad for him, because they were close? A different type of ugly feeling creeped into him this time. He had never thought of his lover as someone who could ignore something of that magnitude just because of his loyalty…Pedri wanted to gag at the thought of Gavi being sad over this disgusting human you couldn't call a coach.
He took a deep breath. An overwhelming feeling of disgust consumed him. He couldn't believe that Gavi was all worked up over someone who got what he deserved. Someone who deserved to rot in a jail cell the rest of his l-
Wait.
What was an arrested man doing at a Barcelona game?
As if Gavi could feel the disgust radiating off of Pedri’s skin, he whimpered and pulled away from his proximity completely. Pedri got an answer to his question pretty quickly.
“He escaped, he,” Gavi felt like someone had stolen the air out of his lungs. “I’ll never be free from him. He’s always going to be there, taunting me. Not even a jail cell could stop him. I can’t get away, ever, he’s engraved into my skin, he ruined me, I’m ruine-” Gavi grabbed on the nearest pillow he could get his hands on and shoved his face in it, trying to silence his loud heaving sobs.
Pedri’s blood ran cold.
He moved to where Gavi had shifted himself further away on the couch, but the flinch that followed froze him in place. Pedri couldn’t move.
Fuck.
He didn’t even know what to think. How could he think? His heart just shattered into a thousand pieces, and his heart was falling apart in front of him. Worst of all he couldn’t do anything about it.
They had been boyfriends for a little over two years already. They’ve had their heated moments in the bedroom, but it was always Pedri initiating them. In the end they never went further.
-
“Gavi?” He could feel goosebumps rising on Gavi’s waist where it met his fingertips. His seemingly relaxed muscles suddenly looked tight and Pedri pulled back. “Do you want to continue?”
Gavi’s head was tilted towards the right, not meeting his gaze. Last time Pedri’s gaze was fixed on his boyfriend’s face he saw a flushed and giddy expression, but after shifting his focus lower on his body, Gavi’s face didn’t carry any of the positive connotations from before. “Gavi?”
The younger squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Yeah, I–Sorry…” He said sheepishly.
Pedri wasn’t having any of it. “Hey, no apologizing for that okay? I’m serious, tell me if anything makes you feel uncomfortable or if there’s anything you don’t want to do. You get me?”
“Yeah,” Gavi said dismissively. “Could we maybe…not?”
Pedri wasn’t sure he wanted to drop it just yet: Gavi apologizing for not wanting to go any further than kissing didn’t sit right with him. But it had been a long day for them both. “Of course, honey. Come here.” He patted at the space next to him on the bed.
-
After a few times, Pedri realized that he was the only one between them who was taking that initiative. He didn’t do it again and waited for Gavi to talk about it instead. Pedri would've never guessed that fear was the thing holding him back.
Fear. Was Gavi scared of him?
“Gavi…” His throat had completely dried up. He was using all of his strength to not break down right then and there: Gavi needed him right now. “Love…”
He tried making his way towards Gavi again. This time there was no flinch so he took it as an invitation to come closer. Pedri put a comforting hand on his knee without thinking: Gavi jerked slightly but immediately turned towards the elder. He grabbed Pedri and climbed into his lap, hugging him tightly.
Pedri gently breathed out, holding Gavi and caressing his back as his cries slowly grew quieter. “I am so sorry,” Pedri whispered. “It’s not your fault any of that happened. You’re so strong, you’re here despite everything.”
Gavi buried his face deeper into Pedri’s chest. “I didn’t mean to keep it from you, I just wasn’t sure how to tell you.” Gavi sounded so small, it broke Pedri’s heart into pieces. “Even now I don’t know if this was a good idea–I’m scared of what your perception of me might be after all of this…”
“I still love you the same. Nothing’s changed.”
“You don’t think I’m, I don’t know, disgusting or broken or wea-”
“You’re still you. You aren’t weak, fuck, Gavi, you were a child. You can’t break human beings, and he certainly didn’t break you.” He gently kissed Gavi’s temple. “My precious boy, I adore you. You’re so strong, and being strong also means letting someone in. Talk to me, I’m here, always.”
Pedri pulled Gavi off of his chest so that he could look at Gavi, though the younger was still avoiding eye contact. “ We’re going to get through this. Together. You’re going to heal, because you’re the strongest motherfucker I know.” That got a smile out of Gavi and Pedri felt ridiculously proud of himself. All he wanted was to see his boy happy.
Gavi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He swallowed and hesitantly looked up, so that their eyes could meet. “I need help. I’ve ignored it for so many years but seeing him in the crowd today was enough for it to all tip over. Kid me thought it would be okay if I ignored it, teen me was scared to tell anybody what happened, but now I think I really need help. Or else I’ll break forever.”
Pedri closed their embrace again. “You’re not going to break forever. You’re going to get help, Gavi. It’s going to be okay. You’re okay, you’re safe…” He murmured quietly into his ear, for them to hear and to know.
Pedri could hear Gavi choking up again and a slight dampness on his shirt. “Fuck-sorry,” Gavi croaked out. “I keep breaking down, fuck.”
“You’re allowed to break down. You’ve been bottling it up since forever, it has nowhere else to go.” Pedri brought his hand to his cheek and brushed the tears away with his thumb for what felt like the 100th time that night.
“Feels–I feel pathetic. Damaged.”
Pedri sighed. It pained him to think that Gavi thought of himself that way. He wished Gavi could see himself the way he did. “You aren’t. You were hurt. It doesn’t change who you are or your personality.”
“It really feels like he did sometimes.”
“Hm?”
“It feels like he took what it meant for me to be…well, me. I can’t escape his grasp. He’s hurt me and all I am is hurt now.”
“You being hurt isn’t a permanent state of being or characteristic. It’s temporary, it will go away.” He brought Gavi’s head up and made their foreheads touch. “All the hurt will go away. It’s going to get better. I can’t give you the help you need, but I will give you support. Every step of the way.”
He slowly leaned in and gently kissed the younger’s lips. “I’m here. You’re okay. I’m always gonna be here.”
A faint smile appeared on Gavi’s face. “Even if I get really overwhelmed and break down and show up at your house at 2am?”
“Especially then.”
Gavi huffed. “I know you’re trying to make me feel better after I dropped this bomb on you, but c’mon, don’t act like you weren’t annoyed as fuck when you heard the ringtone.”
“When I heard the ringtone, yes. When I saw your name, I kinda forgot why I was annoyed anyways. Or that it was 2am.” Gavi laughed and it was like music to Pedri’s ears. “Corny, I know.”
Gavi had the biggest smile on his face and Pedri felt blessed to have such a beautiful angel in his arms. “I can’t believe I convinced myself that you would hate me,” he let out a laugh of disbelief. “Of course you wouldn’t.”
Pedri’s hand subconsciously found the back of Gavi’s head, ruffling his hair. “Of course I wouldn’t.”
They laid on the couch together, limbs tangled. The comfortable silence was only disrupted by their steady breathing. There wasn’t anything to say–both of them just basked in each other's presence. Through both of their heads, ran the same thought: I’m so happy you’re still here.